


Occam's Razor

by BlairRabbit



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-21 19:22:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 245,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/903924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlairRabbit/pseuds/BlairRabbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year after the events of Pacific Rim, Hermann Gottlieb rejoins the PPDC and finds it has changed drastically in his absence. He and Newton Geiszler are asked to pilot the Jaeger Occam's Razor, despite physical and mental handicaps that should bar them from becoming Rangers. The world is shifting violently in the absence of Kaiju, and the new Jaeger program is formed with questionable motives. Even as the k-sci boys struggle to understand their feelings for each other and where they fit into a system torn by revolt, they must also deal with the lingering presence of the Kaiju hivemind and a new wave of monsters completely different than any that came before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Skipping off to the Mountains of Madness

**Author's Note:**

> Nearly every original character name has a relevant joke behind it. See if you can figure them out. I tried to be as true to the original world as humanly possible (yes. that includes the novelization and the art of book) and apologize in advance if I missed something important. Some of the ideas included have been put forth by other members of the fandom and I would like to thank them all for being smarter than I am. If you like it, reposting would be greatly appreciated.

The rain poured down Hermann Gottlieb’s neck, soaking into the layers of long underwear and saturating the inside of his shoes.  The sea rose black and heavy, breathing like it was in labor and he could not take his eyes from it. He stood painfully rigid as water tumbled over the cement embankment and ran up hungrily trying to touch his feet. His hand squeezed the top of his cane until the knuckles turned white and his fingertips began to lose sensation. A spray of fine water drops whipped up with a strong wind and went scattering shrapnel- like into his eyes.                                                                                                                                                                            

     “Dr. Gottlieb?”

He didn’t turn…afraid to look away from the ocean. A hand went on his shoulder and he jerked around, pulling back violently, eyes very wide.

      “MMmm… yes. Please… I would prefer hands kept to oneself. “

The man just examined his face and returned his hand in his coat pocket.

     “I’m Staff Sergeant Joyce. You spoke with me on the phone? Are you alright?”

The officer offered Hermann an umbrella, half broken by the wind, and he looked at it with some confusion before finally taking it with a gloved hand. Water ran in rivulets down the sergeant’s cap, soaking into his coat and obscuring his features.   

     “Err, yes... The phone. I had expected to be met here by Geiszler. It was his letter that directed me to speak with you. I had been lead to believe he was in difficulties. “

The sergeant gestured to the massive ship docked closest to them. Lines of black figures loaded boxes into its darkened hull and the howling wind rocked the ship, causing it to strain its tethers.

     “He’s aboard already, he was just landside to approve some samples he received from Hong Kong. Most of them are loaded as well. He told me to come greet you. He seemed sure you would be here. I had doubts myself. If I was you, I would have stayed where there’s sun. “

 Gottlieb looked out again at the ocean and began to feel bile rise up in his throat. If he had any vomit left in him at all he would have been shocked. He had been leaving stomach contents in every available toilet since leaving Munich.

     “You’re a smarter man than I. “

     “If you’re really coming I’ll be your keeper until we make it to Fortress One.  You’re not officially a government man anymore and until you fill out the appropriate nondisclosures and forms, you’re going to be considered a civilian. The pay will be good, but the food will be terrible and you’re never going to feel warm enough. “

 The sergeant started to walk towards the ship, taking long strides to the boarding dock, not bothering to wait as Hermann limped a few paces behind him, taking his time and  staying as far from the water as possible.

      “And Dr. Geiszler? I’d really prefer to hear what I’ll be doing straight from him. “

He tripped on a line of heavy rope snaking from the side of the ship and righted himself painfully to find Joyce looking out across the angry ocean.. He followed the man’s gaze and they both watched as a colossal chunk of the unfinished British Columbia Wall Line fell into the water with a massive splash. There was a groan and a rending noise as the concrete shell collapsed, revealing the metal bones underneath. The skyscraper size of it looked so out of place here it was almost comical.

     “I’m glad they never finished that thing Gottlieb. It’s a fucking eyesore. I wish the government would put as much money into taking them down as it did putting them up. They cause nothing but problems. “

Hermann swallowed hard and clutched tightly to the top of his cane.  
     “It was a necessary evil sergeant. And thankfully now it is over and the walls can be removed... Or fall in their own time.”

     “As much as I wish that were true Doctor… I’m not sure it’s wise to take them down yet. And after speaking with Geiszler… well, it’s good you’re here. You left your things at the port authority building correct? I’ll make sure they’re loaded… Here, this is for you. “

He offered the doctor a laminated ID badge with his own dour face on it, glistening wet in the downpour.                                                                                                                                                     

     “The boat is called the Ontario. It used to be an oil tanker but it belongs to the Pan Pacific now and they’ve repurposed it. There are more research crews on board, a few Rangers and some miscellaneous staff all coming back from R&R in Vancouver. Just show your pass to the man on duty there on the walkway. You’ll have your own room and I’m sure someone will be able to tell you where Geiszler is. I’ll get your belongings sent to your cabin after they’ve been through security.”

He hesitated and reached out slowly to take his battered umbrella back from Gottlieb, examining his pale face for something, debating internally before he continued speaking. Up until then he had shouted to be heard over the weather, but now he leaned close and spoke in a softer voice, barely audible over the storm.

     “On the ship…. at Fortress… Geiszler has accumulated a few… unpleasant nicknames. If you do not like people using them when talking to you, say something. However… it could set you apart from the rest of the staff. “

Hermann regarded him suspiciously.

“I’m sorry… nicknames?”

Sergeant Joyce shook his head and took a step back.

     “I shouldn’t say anything, but it’s only fair to give you warning. You are going to be part of the team after all. Geiszler doesn’t get on well with some of the staff or the higher ups. There have been incidents with…”

He faltered, then dropped the subject, raising his voice again.

     “I’ll see you on board, I have to go make sure everything that needs to go on board is going on board… not just you. Glad to have you Doctor.”

Gottlieb watched him until his silhouette had disappeared into the mist and spray. He turned slowly, hypnotized again by the heaving water. The idea of getting on a boat and being closer to it felt like madness. He hesitated near the boarding ramp, watching the antlike march of supplies. A helicopter blazed overhead and caught the side of the boat in its search lights for just an instant. It was long enough for Hermann to see that someone had crossed out everything after the O in Ontario and sprayed painted “Outcast” instead. It did nothing to comfort him.

                                                                             

     “Oh! You’re looking for the Re-animator? I think he’s down in one of the store rooms. He has a makeshift lab down there. If he gets more than a deck away from his Kaiju bits he starts to freak. ”

Gottlieb frowned and narrowed his eyes at the younger woman, directing as much animosity at her as he possibly could. She just smiled back and took a bite of the apple she had been holding.  
     “And…. you are?”

She wiped a hand on her dark grey jumpsuit and held it out to him. All the staff he had seen so far wore similar outfits in different colors. It brought uncomfortable memories of the Hong Kong Shatterdome to the surface. He stared at the offered hand, still covered with sticky bits of apple, but made no attempt to reach for it.

     “I repeat… Your name?”

She pulled her hand back and her smile faltered a bit.

     “Sonia Whateley, former member of the Canadian Coast guard. I was assigned to train as a Ranger at Fortress in the new Jaeger program. I know exactly who you are! I mean everybody does. Especially around here, we knew about you even before the information was declassified.”

     “Wait… new Jaeger program? Stop. Just slow down. I’m afraid I’m not up to speed with what is going on. I’ve just come aboard and I’m looking for Geiszler. “

She continued on like she hadn’t heard him, waving one freckled hand out in front of her as she spoke. Everything she said seemed to be accompanied by a gesture. He stood rigid in the rusty metal hallway, dripping water and scowling.

     “Yeah! The new program is more about rebuilding and policing than fighting monsters. You’ll see. My brother and I have been training with the Siren Carpathia. It’s one of the new peacekeeping units in the UN Jaeger fleet.”

     “Miss Whateley. I’ll find out all about the program I am sure. But I’m very wet and painfully tired. All I want is to speak to Dr. Geiszler and find my cabin. If you cannot help me with either of these I have nothing more to say to you. Also, in future I would prefer you to call my… colleague by his name.”

She looked at him, squinting up one eye and her nose as she did so trying to figure him out. She blew a few strands of copper hair from her face and took a very slow bite of apple, chewing it with large, deliberate smacking noises.

     “You’re a much bigger jerk than I thought you would be… Oh I figured you might be a jerk. You have the look of a jerk mind you, but you’re a MUCH bigger jerk than I had originally thought... Come on then. I’ll show you to the meat locker.”

             The meat locker, as he found out, was a refrigerated storage room at the foremost part of the enormous tanker. Whateley stopped a few steps from the heavy door and shivered.  
     “I’m not going in there. The re-an… Newt. Newt’s works gives me the creeps. I checked your cabin number and you’re bunking in the cabin next to his so just have him show you where to go.”

There was the sound of music muted behind the rusting metal door and Gottlieb felt a creeping sense of relief pulse through him. The damp in his clothes was turning to ice and his breath rose up in puffs of steam.

     “Thank you officer Whateley, I apologize for being so short before. It has been a long day.”  
She was quick to smile and she slapped him on the back, sending him sprawling a step.  
     “Ah... Don’t worry about it. Jerks can’t help being jerks. I’ll see you around the mess. Don’t spend too much time down here in creepsville.”

He watched her walk down the dimly lit hall until she was out of sight and stood considering the door, reaching out a hand towards it. He rested long fingers on the handle without opening it, eyes closed taking deep breaths. He listened to the music… the loud continuous clank and hum of the ships engines. There was a third noise; he couldn’t quite place it, despite how familiar it was. The door opened with a gentle push and the meat locker stretched out in front of him. It was easily the size of a football field lit only with a few pools of dim, smoky yellow lamplight, and the glow of Kaiju sample containers. The source of the mystery noise was immediately obvious and he gagged a bit when he first caught sight of it. In a glass tube that stood at least a story high from floor to ceiling, and spanned the length of the enormous room, floated an intact Kaiju heart… and it was beating.

He stared at it, mouth open, taking a slow step from the door onto a small metal staircase. The stairs went down to the main floor of the meat locker which, apart from the area set aside for Geiszler’s samples, was full to brimming with boxes full of supplies and larger, more daunting objects covered in tarps he suspected to be Jaeger parts. The icy stairs took a moment to navigate with his cane and he clung to the guardrail, eyes still on the heart the size of a tank. Walking through the dirty pools of light, Gottlieb felt the first touch of seasickness as the floor swayed beneath his feet.

     “Geiszler? … Ne... Newton? Are you here?”

The music pounded now but no matter how hard they tried, Metallica could not play loud enough to drown out the monstrous pulse. He pulled off his wet gloves and shrugged out of his heavy coat, laying it over a chair. He hoped getting out of the wet thing would help the chill. It had been a mistake. He was soaked through and the air in the meat locker gnawed at his skin, the puffs of air rising thick from his nose.

     “Newton? I was lead to believe you would be here… please say something”

He couldn’t stop himself, he was inches from the heart’s tank now. In its glowing blue surface he could see his own ghostly reflection. His face gaunt and skull-like.

It reminded him of a turtle’s heart, thickset and revolting. But he noted it had four chambers… just like a humans. He could see the valves opening and closing and had a brief image of being beheaded by one flash through his mind. Gradually, as he stared at it, his focus turned inward, blocking out the movement of the ship and the blare of the stereo speakers until all was silence. He lifted his hand up slowly and rested it on the glass, cane dropping from his nerveless grasp as he went to his knees.

                                                                             

The Hong Kong Street was completely dark, save for one illuminated sign. The sign was blood red, rain-soaked and had on it the silhouette a knife-head Kaiju printed in bold black stencil. An arrow on the sign pointing him down past some buildings made of gnarled bones. Hermann didn’t question any of this at first. He just walked through it, casting a few glances back at the empty fruit vendor stalls and darkened windows. He came to another sign, this one read: “Kaiju Shelter” and under it the same phrase in Chinese, Japanese and French. He kept walking, the silence unnerving, the lack of people confusing. A third sign, this one read: “Newton Geiszler.” And under it was an arrow along with a black stencil graphic of thick, horn rimmed glasses.

     “Oh, well. That’s very helpful, thank you. I guess this proves that I am indeed dreaming. But at least I know it is a dream. “

Hermann patted the sign and went in the direction the arrow was pointing him. The buildings seemed to get bigger and more twisted and he stopped when the street ended.  In front of him, held in the teeth of an enormous Kaiju skull, was a door. He tapped it with his cane, examining it. A sign over the top warned: “Newton Geiszler -Entry admitted but not encouraged.” The corner of his mouth twitched slightly and he nodded to it, stepping closer.

     “Well put. But I’m afraid I’ll have to be going through. It is why I came after all. “

The Kaiju opened its bleached jaw a little wider, and as the doctor watched, the door turned into one of his chalkboards. Numbers formed on it faster than he could follow.  Tape spread up the middle of the door in a bright yellow line and then split wide open.  Bathed in a wave of sudden blinding sunlight, Gottlieb put a hand up to shield his eyes.

He heard the children before he saw them. The scene before him unfolded picturesque and peaceful. That surprised him more than the grimy Hong Kong Street he had just come from.

A house sat near the edge of a still lake and the air was full of summer smells. Balloons in bright primary colors sat tied to a mailbox at the end of the driveway, swaying placidly in the cool breeze. The doctor lurched forward, curious, moving carefully up the drive towards the white house and the unfamiliar sounds of children laughing. A gang of six year olds ran through a lawn sprinkler and splashed in a kiddie pool set out on the well manicured back lawn. A banner looked over the entire proceedings and announced “Happy Birthday Newt!”  Gottlieb watched in his dark, somber clothes and felt very tall and very out of place. Like a Jaeger surrounded by tiny electric cars. He looked for Geiszler… but something inside told him he wasn’t going to find him here.

He walked around the backyard away from the happy kids and spied a large side deck facing the lake. A glass sliding door stood open under a low wood awning, a living room and a flickering TV inside.  Newt, newly six years old, sat in a wet bathing suit and towel, watching raptly as Godzilla destroyed Tokyo on the flat screen. He dripped water onto the sofa and stuffed cake into his mouth, not once tearing his eyes away from the scene of black and white carnage. Gottlieb slipped in quietly and watched him. Had he chased the rabbit somehow? How? They had not been drifting. It was true that he still dreamed of Geiszler’s memories … but nothing this clear or precise. Newt spoke but didn’t look away from the TV. The little boy was speaking in perfect German.

     “<You can sit and watch with me, I don’t care.>”

Hermann took a sharp breath but said nothing.

     “<I don’t think that part of the sofa's wet. >“

There was such a plaintive sadness in this that he found himself gingerly sitting down next to the little boy on the soggy sofa. He watched the movie a moment. It was the American version. He wasn’t as familiar with it as the Japanese. The one he had seen growing up.

     “<It’s a… lovely party out there. Why…>”

Newt sucked at the cake frosting stuck to his fork and bowed his head a bit. His slight shoulders hunched defensively.

     “<I didn’t want this party anyway. I don’t like them. Mom wanted it… I told her ok because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.>”

Gottlieb spoke gently, afraid he would say something wrong. He was never good with children… well... people in general really.

     “<Well that was a very kind thing of you to do.>”

They were both silent again, Newt’s attention back on Godzilla. Hermann looked around the room. The sunny yellow walls, the vases full of flowers. A large piano occupied part of the space and a redwood cello leaned against it, waiting to be played. It looked like a good place to live in. The only thing that looked out of place was the skinny pale kid in the green swim trunks. But then, some things are out of place no matter where they are. He reached for his cane, debating if he should go and look for a way out or… A tiny hand grabbed his sleeve and huge green eyes were looking up into his. Around the left iris a ring of broken blood vessels flared, painful and red.

     “<Don’t go. Please? I’ll get you a piece of cake ok?>”

     “<I don’t know Newton. I should really be going…>”

     “<He’s going to have some cake.>”

He pointed, and when Hermann followed to where he gestured, he let out a soft scream. A Kaiju… at least a category three, was looking through the porch door. It opened its mouths one after the other and roared, shaking the TV from the wall and plaster from the ceiling. A spray of acid blew from its lips and seared the sofa creating holes in the polished wooden floor. The cello fell to the ground with a clang and one of the flower vases exploded into shards of porcelain and water. Two rows of blue eyes searched for them and its tendriled tongue came snaking inside past the sofa and curled around a coffee table. It resembled a bioluminescent jellyfish, unfolding to take them both in. Newton ran towards it, shouting back excitedly.

     “<It’s not going to hurt us! Come with me! Come with me into the breach!>”

     “<NO! Newton stop!>”

Gottlieb staggered forward, trying to grab the little boy as he ran towards the open mouth filled with rows of razor teeth. Outside the lake house window he could see a world made of pink gelatinous mountains. Vehicles of a black obsidian and smooth blue metal floated in the ice pink sky. Monsters were giving birth and screaming as they did so, the sounds of the wind and the ocean rose like liquid agony in his brain.

   

                                                                            

     “ He’s coming around. “  
Hermann felt his body violently shaking around him, his teeth chattering and his heart thrashing painful and arrhythmic in his chest. Someone pulled back a pair of defibrillator panels and set them down slowly as if disappointed.  
     “Didn’t even get to shock em...”

     “Well that’s a good thing! Give him room!”

He tried to focus on something… anything or anyone he knew but they were all strangers.  He choked… his tongue felt swollen. He had never been so cold in his entire life. When the next words came out of his mouth, he didn’t even realize they were German.

     “<co-c..co..cold… h-help>

A woman’s face hovered close, and for a brief moment he thought it was Vanessa. But no. this woman was much older. Her skin was too light.

     “It’s gonna be ok sweetheart… we're gonna get you outta here and someplace warm, comprende?

His brain fired off synapses that didn’t even make sense. He had to swim deeper to find the delicious squid where it was hiding... or… he had to go teach a class on bio-mechanics or… he had to throw up… or he had to do all three.

     “Well don’t just stand there like idiots! Apurarse! Hurry up!”

He choked, unable to speak again as hands lifted him up. His clothes stuck to the icy ground and crackled stiffly when he was folded into the arms of a man much bigger than he was.

Near his ear two women were arguing in Spanish. How long had he been passed out in the meat locker? His brain started to merge into one thought process again and he realized unhappily how stupid this must look.

     “I don’t know Cariño… there are some heat packs in the infirmary I’m sure. Just go find them!”

     “Alright mama! I’m going! I’m going! “

Hermann felt his head loll and he stared up at the ship lights as they passed, they were all that same nauseating florescent yellow.

     “<Geiszler… where is->”

The older woman was back in his line of sight and she was squeezing his arm warmly.

     “My daughter Neta went to get something from the meat locker and found you unconscious in front of the Kraken tank. You must have overexerted yourself. Going down into the refrigerator with wet clothes ah… bad as a child. “

The man carrying Gottlieb grunted as they walked up the stairs to the cabins and she smiled at him.

     “It’s not far. His ID badge says his room is near the Rangers. Right next to Newton’s. My name is Nita Melero and this is Harry Archer. You are Hermann Gottlieb yes... Oh... Oh no you don’t have to say anything cariño. I knew you would be coming aboard. Newton told me at breakfast. “

He gagged again, spit building at the corners of his mouth. He couldn’t talk now for how hard his teeth were clicking. The cabin was so cramped that when they finally reached it, Nita had to wait in the hallway a moment so Harry could lay Gottlieb out on the bed. She squeezed past the bear of a man and patted his shoulder.

     “Thank you Harry. Be my helper and go find some hot tea eh? And if you see my lazy daughter, tell her to hurry up with the heat packs. “

Harry grunted again saying something half heard under his breath and lumbered quickly away. Nita scrambled, searching the tiny closet and under the bed for blankets. She sat and attempted to untie Gottlieb’s icy shoelaces, pulling off his shoes and socks. She yanked at his sweater vest and his slacks, muttering to herself in Spanish as she did so. He felt like a five year old but was far too cold and miserable to argue. She wrapped the blankets around him and took one of his pale hands rubbing life back into it.

     “That was very close. You could have died down there. Newton is usually asleep in the evenings and it could have been many hours before anyone found you… you scientists. I always have to watch you now eh?”

He sighed and finally gave her a weak half smile as the shivering spasms rocked him, sending pain up his bad leg. He really was going to kill Geiszler this time. No more putting it off.

Neta, who in every way looked like a younger clone of her mother, appeared in the doorway, arms full of heat packs with Defense Corp insignias plastered all over them.  
     “It took you long enough! He could have died a Popsicle and you would have been taking your time smelling the flowers!”

     “Come on mama! I was going as fast as I could!” She snapped a few of the packs and handed them to Nita, who slipped them into Gottlieb’s armpits and around his legs. He started to relax a bit as he listened to them argue. The shivering eased and the rolling of the ship suddenly felt more soothing than sickening.

     “Aw... buen chico, you sleep then. I’ll come back soon to check on you. I’ll tell Newton you were looking for him yes? “

She stroked his cheek with a warm hand and he wanted to tell her she was acting ridiculous, he was a 37 year old man. But he was asleep before the first words were out of his mouth.

                                                                            

 

_The ocean was big like he was. The ocean was deep and had many good places to hide. The water held him up and made him feel light. The land made him heavy and it was hard to breathe there, but the water was good and deep and cold. He found a school of fish and opened his mouth, sucking them in like krill. He was never full, always hungry, always searching. He made a loud pinging noise and waited for answers from others. Sometimes he would hear them, sometimes not. There were not many of them and they were always in his mind but he still liked to know they were there. He surfaced a moment and saw a ship on the horizon. It was small but he did not want it to see him. He went down deeper_ _…_ _deeper and deeper where there was no light but his own. The blue of him illuminating the deep cracks in the earth where he liked to sleep. He pinged again. There was no reply. There were no others here. Just in his head always. But he would find them. They would be there. There were others and there would be more like them. Lots more._

                                                                             

 

Gottlieb woke slowly and felt like he was coming out of a bad hangover. His body was stiff and his leg was screaming. He shifted his weight and tried to move onto his side. It sometimes helped. It took a moment to remember where he was. The dreamlike images of endless black water still clung to his brain. But they were already disappearing. He pulled the blankets closer and burrowed into the warmth, ready to float back to sleep.

     “Good Morning… Well... Good afternoon I guess.”

Gottlieb looked up, surprised. Newton Geiszler was sitting across from the bed in a chair that folded out from that wall along with a thin metal desk. Most of him was obscured in shadow. A foul-smelling space heater chugged at his feet and the only light came from a single miserable light bulb strung above their heads. The light swung in slow circles as the boat rolled and swayed. The ocean had been choppy and unpleasant since they had cast off.

The man had Hermann’s cane and was fiddling with the top of it, holding it up where it caught the light. The cane handle was made of carved bone and shone in places where Gottlieb had rubbed at it repeatedly, almost ritualistically with his thumb. The carving was not friendly; it had a large mouth full of exaggerated teeth and rows of small cruel eyes.

   “This is great. It looks just like Slattern. Is this real Kaiju bone? “

     “Why didn’t you meet me! Why didn’t you come see me right away? You’re the reason I’m here in the first place. Your letter…”

     “I… I should have. I’m sorry. How the hell was I supposed to know you would have an episode your first hour on the ship?”

The Doctor dropped his hurting head back down on his pillow and when he spoke, his voice was husky and strained.

     “Geiszler… why am I here. One of the people I met mentioned a new Jaeger program… and the sergeant was very cryptic… about the Kaiju not being gone. I’m confused. You said in your letter you needed my help. You claimed you had something that only I could help you with. Well. I’m here now…. explain it to me.”

Newton took a very deep breath and was quiet for a long time, gathering his thoughts.

     “Well… it started with the whales. They’re all gone.”

     “You have called me here… to the far corner of the world. To the coldest reaches of civilization… because a few whales are nowhere to be found?                                                 

     “No… they’re missing because they’ve been eaten. If you were something as big as a Kaiju… even a category 2., you need something to eat that’s at least a mouthful. Whales have no natural defense besides size… why would they need it? Up until the past decade or so they were the biggest motherfuckers in the ocean. They were the apex water mammals. And they aren’t the only things missing. Huge schools of fish along the Pacific Rim and now in the Atlantic… just gone. It’s like the ocean is emptying out. The Kaiju are coming back Hermann. They’re coming back but they aren’t attacking us. We need to know why.”

     “Stop… just stop. This is foolish even for you… all this about whales is just you creating more wild theories out of half-baked speculation. Even if the whales were really gone they could have been eaten by the previous Kaiju… this program you’ve involved me in. What is this about really? I feel as If I’ve been shanghaied.”

 Newt shifted in the dark, his face hidden except for the glint of reflection off his glasses. 

        “You haven’t signed any paper-work, you can leave anytime you want. You’ve been declassified for what... a year? And what have you done since then man? “

       “... I’ve been published... my book about Breach theory and of course teaching in Munich.”

Newton snorted at that, spinning the cane between the palms of his hands.

     “Are you really going to waste away, teaching rich frat brat’s string theory Gottlieb? I did it for six years and I don’t recommend it.”

      “Tenure is a comfortable idea to me. I’ve done my service to the world don’t you think? You know what I think Geiszler? You WANT the Kaiju to come back. I see right through you and your… tattoos and your... adrenal addictions. You miss them! You miss the thrill.”

He curled his lip in a sneer.

     “You miss the monsters.”

The light flickered... The heater let out a burp of gasoline scented hot air.

     “Well what’s your excuse? You didn’t have to come when I called. You just showed up in a Canadian shipyard with a suitcase. All you really had to show for this past year was a divorce you never talked about in our letters and what I’m sure is a really shitty little apartment where you make yourself some really shitty little meals. I read your book about Breach theory. I read your articles in the science journals. And I know you better than anyone Dr. Gottlieb. You might as well get a tattoo that says please kill me before I die of boredom right on your … amazingly large forehead. Let’s not lie to ourselves what this is really about. ”                                               

He leaned forward into the light and removed his glasses. His entire face illuminated completely for the first time. His left eyelid sagged slightly and some of the muscles in his cheek didn’t move when he tried to smile. Gottlieb moved physically backwards in the bed, repulsed despite himself.

      “Yeah, not pretty is it?... A guy in his thirties with stroke damage. I tried drifting with someone else. I didn’t want to and I told them I wasn’t compatible. The brass thinks that any chunk-head military guy can drift with you. I guess in the past they’ve only dealt with Jaeger pilots from fighting backgrounds. You don’t see a lot of MIT grads piloting robots. My brain didn’t meld with the guy they chose. Most of the pilots… they fly with family or friends. I don’t think I can fly with anyone but you.”

 It took a moment for Hermann to find his voice again, and when he did, a moment longer to figure out what to say.

     “You never told me about this… Why… why are you piloting at all?”

Newton leaned back into the dark, hiding his face again which was a bit of a relief.

     “They needed warriors during the war. The war is technically over. But the whales aren’t coming back and the ocean is full of big mysterious bleeps on the radar. Disappearing ships and unreported sightings the populous doesn’t know about. The world isn’t done being afraid and they need researchers... scientists. Not soldiers. You are the only other person on this planet who saw into the hive. Otachi in Hong Kong wasn’t the first Kaiju to come here pregnant and we both know it. You get the ocean dreams too. We have to do something in the field for once. Sitting in the lab is getting nothing accomplished. “

His voice turned shrill and more than a little desperate.

     “You do dream like I do... I know you do. I get ghost-drift images about you… and about the hive. Don’t lie Hermann. You DO get the ocean dreams don’t you?”

     “… Yes Newton. I do have the ocean dreams.”

 Geiszler rubbed at the Kaiju head again, like a man praying with a rosary, letting his fingers trace the teeth, the slanted chin and the hammer-like shape of the head.

     “I don’t think you’re telling me everything Newton. I believe that you’ve convinced the higher ups there are more Kaiju. But I don’t understand why they would want you… us to drive a Jaeger. It makes very little sense. Building new jaegers at all makes little sense. The program was decommissioned. Even if we did save them in the end… It’s all considered obsolete now.”

A thought struck him then and he looked at Newton, trying to see his eyes in the dark.

     “That heart. It’s alive. How did you get that heart?”

     “I… I don’t even know where to start with that question Hermann. Just… won’t you trust me? Please? I really need someone in my corner right now you know?”

Newton rubbed at one tattooed arm, tugging at the sleeve of his wool jacket uncomfortably. He tapped one foot and bounced his leg, still full of raw nervous energy. Hermann saw the six year old hiding from own birthday party sitting there in the shadows. It caused a tug inside and he knew that really, he had missed his friend. The neural-connection had never shaken them loose and seeing Newton filled up a deep hungry void that he had not been able to name until now. He let out a long, excruciating sigh.

     “I’ll help as best I can Newton. Now… please get the hell out of here and let me die in peace.“

     “Sure thing buddy, you do that. I’ll bring you something to eat later.”


	2. Heart of the Beast

Gottlieb was not able to leave his bunk for three days after the incident with the Kraken tank. By then the Ontario was well into its month long journey to Fortress One and his flu was inching its way back towards something more manageable. In the hazy days of sickness he could vaguely remember a parade of people coming in and out of his room. Newton had visited several times, as had the Meleros (Nita especially) and even the nasty apple girl who had shown him the meat locker on the first day. He sat on his bed for a moment and decided he needed to get out and walk, If not for his health then for his sanity. Hermann shook in the cold air, frigid despite his trusty space heater. His trunks and suitcases sat at the end of his tiny bed filling up most of the room and the idea of sorting through them looking for clean clothes sounded like a herculean effort. He found the clothes he had arrived in dry and folded and against every OCD instinct in his body pulled them on along with his shoes. His cane was leaning against the tiny metal sink in the corner and it took awhile to find his balance with it on the rocking uneven floor. He blew his nose once and took an unhappy breath through his mouth.

     “Well. Here goes nothing I suppose.”

Hermann didn’t know what time it was but since the porthole windows showed only blue-black outside he ventured a guess late afternoon or early evening. The sun went down very fast near Greenland, even if it was the middle of July. Cold and dark always traveled together.  He debated rousing Newton but decided against it, he would see the lay of the land himself. It was getting tiresome being babysat by other people so far into this new adventure. The stiffness eased out of his leg after a few laps around the hallway. The thought of tackling the narrow metal stairs without knowing if it could handle his weight was not appealing. After a quick conversation with a passing mechanic Gottlieb worked his way down to the next floor and towards the commissary where dinner was just starting. The mess hall was loud, full of people’s voices, and he felt a wave of familiar nausea. The same feeling of fear always popped up around big social gatherings. He tapped it down. They were serving some sort of chowder that smelled very appetizing.

     “OH! HERMANN! Over here cariño! Come sit with us!”

He shrugged his shoulders up and winced. Mrs. Melero had spotted him and was waving her arms to get his attention. He gave a pained grin and raised a hand waving a few fingers weakly back before grabbing a food tray. The chowder smelled better then it looked but his stomach made a hollow noise and he realized he was starving. He took a few sad looking packets of crackers and a cup of hot water for his tea before shuffling towards the table where Mrs. Melero was still waving him over.

     “Oh Hermann I’m so relieved to see you out of your room!”

The older woman watched him intently as he juggled the tray and his cane.  Eventually he sat down at the metal mess table across from her and her daughter Neta. Neta picked at her own chowder spelling something in the grey goop with bits of cracker.

     “S’cause shes got such a crush on you.”

He dipped his teabag in the hot water fastidiously as they started to argue again and took a cautionary bite of his food. It could have been worse.  Sitting at the end of the table he spotted the red-head from before…what was her name…Whateley something or other if he recalled. Her brother, who was clearly a fraternal twin, sat across from her and they were deeply engaged in a travel size game of Chinese checkers. He watched their moves, almost mirror copies of one another; they both controlled three sets of marbles.

    “Mrs. Melero…is this a Rangers table? Are you and Neta Rangers?

     “Mmm? Oh yes I might have mentioned if before but you were probably too sick to remember. We pilot the Foxglove Jupiter. Neta and I were in training before the Jaeger program was de-commissioned but approached soon after the breach was closed by the World Peace Commission to be part of Fortress One.  That’s the story of many of the pilots here.”

Hermann took another bite of his chowder mulling this over.

     “How many Jaeger do you have? What are you doing with them exactly?  
     “Well different Jaeger are being created for different reasons, right now we have about ten active at Fortress I. The Foxglove Jupiter is mostly a wall puller and natural disaster relief.  We’re going to try and help tear the sea walls down.  We also might help Nancy Archer and Honey Parker, the Seawise Giant’s crew. They’re main job is to clean up Kaiju blue sites where they can’t be reached by boat or sub safely.  They can go to the most infected sites without fear of exposure.”  
She pointed down the table at the twins.

     “Sonia and Howard Whateley pilot the Siren Carpathia which is a multi-purpose Jaeger. Search and rescue, cleanup…oh! and guarding you and Newton in your Jaeger when you go out on research missions.”

Gottlieb almost spit out his tea and choked coughing it through his snotty stuffy noise. He wiped at his face and looked at her. He had almost forgotten what Newton had said before he had lost his mind to fever.

     “O-..our Jaeger?”

Nita Melero smiled at him affectionately and offered him another napkin.

   “Occam’s Razor.” 

    “Are they refitted Jaegers? Older models that have been reconstructed?”

Nita shook her head.

    “Nope. All of the mark sixes are new.”

He felt his chest start to constrict in panic and he shakily took a sip of his jasmine tea. Neta put her spoon down and reached for her coffee cup.

     “So how long have you and The Re-animator been fucking each other?”

This time he did spit tea, a whole good spray of it all over Nita. As Mrs. Melero wiped it from her eyes she turned her wraith on her daughter in full.

     “Neta Melero!! You apologize to Hermann right this moment!

     “Mama! We all know it! I’m just asking a simple question!”

Gottlieb felt uncomfortable eyes from all over. It seemed like the whole place had gone suddenly silent and he was sitting in a florescent yellow spotlight.

     “I…had a wife.”

     “Had?”

     “We’ve…recently separated.”

Neta started to laugh.

     “Well you took it one step further then the Archers. “

Gottlieb stood, not even bothering to pretend to finish his food, and grabbed frantically for his cane.

     “Excuse me…I  ...it was a pleasure speaking with you I’ll…see you around the ship I’m sure.”

Nita watched him go with a sad expression in her dark eyes and sighed wistfully getting up herself. As he left the room Gottlieb watched them over his shoulder his cheeks burning.

     “Now I’ll never get him to eat out here again. I really wish you hadn’t said that Neta."

     “Mama I didn’t mean... I wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings. I was curious.  I mean they aren’t family so I assumed…”

Her mother held up a hand for silence.

     “Well he can come to himself in his own time. He doesn’t need your help.”

Neta turned to look daggers at the eavesdropping Whateleys and they feigned sudden dramatic interest in their Chinese checkers game.

     “WOW brother of mine…STELLAR move.”

 

“Hand me a screwdriver.”

Gottlieb raised his head from his computer and saw Newton’s hand stretched out, fingers wriggling. He was under an empty specimen tank, messing with it. He wouldn’t say what he was doing. He wouldn’t say much about anything he was doing. Hermann pressed a nearby screwdriver into his palm and spoke, his voice was still ragged and hoarse from his flu.

     “So …Occam’s razor? Was that your name?”

     “Hah. Yeah you like it? I like it. It’s a rock-star kind of name. Science with an edge!”

     “It’s terrible. Does it have a picture of two test tubes and a skull on the side?”  
     “No …but that’s an AWESOME idea. You think they would let us do that?”

Gottlieb rolled his eyes and pulled his jacket closer against the chill in the meat locker focusing back on his screen. He squinted through his reading glasses and frowned trying to do some quick calculations in his head.

     “These are all supposed Kaiju sightings with appropriate dates? All the dates you’ve given me are as accurate as possible?”

Newton’s voice drifted muted out from under the tank.

     “Yeah and all the areas…I figured you could find out if they were gathering in a specific place or it was all just random. Or even how many there are or how fast they travel. In that other document I gave you is a list of all the ships reported missing since the breach closing…to see if maybe there’s a correlation.”

     “This could take weeks to compile. I had no idea there had been this many sightings since the breach collapsed.”

 Newton pushed himself out from under the tank on the rolling creeper and folded his hands over his stomach. He was wearing the worst sweater Hermann had ever seen. It was very thick and had knitted snowflakes and reindeer over the entire front. He barely noticed the bad side of his colleagues face now. The damage had been a shock at first but it was mainly just cosmetic around his left eye, eyebrow and part of his cheek. His motor skills were perfect and it barely affected his speech, probably only because it had happened to a younger man.

     “There’s alot you don’t know. Fortress One is just a P.R. Stunt for the masses. Well...If they ever decide to TELL the masses it exists anyway. Fortress Two is where the real shit is happening. While the Pacific Rim was fighting monsters the interior of the planet was building its own armies. Now we have no common enemy. We’re heading toward WW3 Hermann. And I just wanna ride it out somewhere.  I fight Kaiju…not people.”

    “I don’t completely… understand…”

     “Well you’ve been in Munich with your own crap going on. I never left the program after Hong Kong. Fortress Two is full of Jaegers that are going to fight other Jaegers.  They wanted me to build them weapons out of Kaiju leftovers. Bile guns…acid bombs…I didn’t wanna play that game Hermann. But I was by myself. Then the sightings started popping up and the Kaiju saved me. I escaped. They don’t want people to know they’re still out there. People are starting to have faith in money again. Economies are growing up. People are starting to move back  to the coasts.“

Gottlieb put his computer away and pulled his glasses off, listening to him intently.

     ‘This won’t make much sense…but when it was just the Kaiju. It was so much more simple and small. It was just me and them. Now it’s the world against me. It’s just…too much. I’ve never been a big guy, just a big brain that can solve Kaiju problems. I feel…”

     “Overwhelmed?”

Newt nodded and let a long puff of steam escape his lips.

    “Like I’m being crushed.”

They were both quiet for a few minutes then Newt looked up at Gottlieb from the floor and smiled at him with his now crooked mouth.

    “Wanna see something fucking awesome?”

He stood and trotted over to the Kraken tank which Gottlieb had been working enthusiastically to avoid. He waved him over.

     “Don’t be scared of him. He can’t do anything to you.”

     “I’m not afraid of it!... I’d just rather not get that close.”

Newton waited until Hermann was in grabbing distance and raised his grease stained hand up to the tank. He closed his eyes and took several deep breathes before placing his skin against the glass. The giant heart which had so far been thumping once every minute or so in a slow smooth way suddenly acted like it had been stabbed by an adrenaline needle. The pulse quickly evened out but it was still going very fast for something so big and seemed to shake the walls of the tank so much Gottlieb was afraid they would shatter. Newton took in another deep breath then reached out and grabbed Hermann’s hand, holding it tight in his warm fingers. Gottlieb gasped and nearly buckled to the floor leaning most of his weight on his cane. He felt his heart stutter, race and then…it was in unison. All three of them were.  His entire body pulsed with each thump and it was jarring but…he felt powerful and huge. He was part of something enormous and alive. Three places at once. He leaned back slightly, face up-turned, eyes closed. The room had become one massive heart beat and he was part of it. He got the strange impression of standing under water and heard the voices of memories in the distance. It was cut short when Newt dropped his hand panting for breath and smiling drunkenly.

     “Sorry…it takes a lot out of you I can only…I can only do it for a little bit.”

Gottlieb made it back to his chair and collapsed into it hand to his chest. He felt winded and breathless, like he had run a marathon in a moment. Hot sweat trickled down his neck and forehead.

      “What?...you don’t…I….What is it?”

     “Drifting and the Hive mind are the same thing. I can’t believe nobody has put that together. The Kaiju are drifting all the time and they are so much better at it then us.  They can even do it when they’re just bits and pieces.”

     “Never happened….samples...before...”

    “Well for one thing we’ve never had such a good intact sample of a whole organ before and for two only you and I could do it because we connected to the Hive. I guess once you’re in you’re never out.”

Gottlieb shook his head in disbelief still in shock from the whole experience. It was way outside his safe zone. Newton walked over to him and offered him a grey can of water. He hesitated then put his hand on Hermann’s shoulder patting it.

     “It gets easier to bounce back after the first time. You have to get used to that feeling anyway if you want to pilot Occam. That will much more brain intensive, and hey! At least you didn’t throw up this time.”

He took the water but didn’t drink, looking down at his leg and then back up at Newton.

     “Have you really…thought that through? I mean there’s a rather large Kaiju in the room we haven’t talked about when it comes to this Jaeger of yours.”

Gottlieb’s heart seemed to constrict and race without a prompt and he realized uneasily he was still connected with Newts. Now he did want to throw up.

     “We’ll figure it out. I promise. I can’t do it with anyone else”

     “S-so you keep telling me.”

 

Sergeant Joyce watched him from across the small metal desk as Gottlieb signed the last of his paperwork. He didn’t attempt a handshake this time.  
     “Well its official. Welcome back to the Jaeger program Doctor. “

     “Yes…thank you.”

     “You seem less than happy. Is something wrong? I heard about what happened in the meat locker. But it’s been well over a week now, are you feeling alright?”

 Gottlieb rubbed his thumb on the smooth bone of his cane and avoided the sergeant’s eyes.

     “I have many questions unanswered about this project. Pentecost was never so cryptic about our objectives when I worked under him. It is a concern to me.”

     “I see. Have you spoken with the other pilots at all?”

      “Mrs. Melero has been very kind and forthcoming with me.  She is one of the only ones.”

Joyce sighed and leaned back in his office chair.

     “My hands are tied in many areas Doctor. I can only tell you what I’m told or what I’m cleared to tell.”

     “Newton Geiszler’s face, how did it happen? I want to know exactly. He told me it was a bad drift with a non-compatible pilot but he will not tell me exactly what happened.”

     “Did he tell you the other pilot died?”

     “I…no , no he did not.”

     “Has he informed you he has bipolar disorder?”

Gottlieb had to admit he wasn’t surprised with this tidbit of knowledge.

     “No. but working with him the past eight years I must admit I’m not surprised.”

     “He was diagnosed young enough that it has been treated correctly and is not severe. It is very controllable but still causes abnormal brain chemistry.  I don’t think the Jaeger program has ever had a bipolar pilot. We knew it going in but had no idea how it would affect the process.”

Joyce stood and paced the floor looking out his porthole window at the ocean. It was calm today, the first time since they had started out.

     “The other pilot Sean Patrick died of a cerebral hemorrhage when we started the neural handshake.  Your friend Geiszler was lucky, he only suffered a mild stroke. That was three months ago. Occam has been sitting offline ever since.  We had chosen Patrick because he was a very smart soft-spoke cadet, less of a fighter. Geiszler warned us it wouldn’t work. “

     “Then why have him pilot at all! Why is it so important!?”

Joyce looked at him and just shook his head.

     “Your dismissed doctor, you’ll be required to take a physical and a psych evaluation now that you’re officially our man again.  Schedule it before we reach Fortress please.”

Gottlieb stood and tried to argue but looking at the sergeant’s face he knew it would be futile to try. He would just have to be patient.

     “Thank you sir I will.”

 

            Five steps from the sergeant’s office Hermann almost crashed into two people clogging up the hall with what appeared to be an impromptu make out session. A huge man he vaguely recognized turned and caught him by the collar of his coat, yanking him up easily before he could fall. A female voice squealed in octaves that made him wince and he cast a glance over to see an absurdly voluptuous woman smiling at him smoothing down her bottle blonde hair.

     “Oh look Harry! Its Gottfield! We needed to invite him anyway right? What a good coiny- ci-dence!”

     “Its…Gottlieb madam and…Harry?”

Now he recognized the bear man perfectly. It was the same Harry Archer who had carried him up from the meat locker after his episode with the tank. It was the very same one that had very nearly defibrillated him.  Archer held him suspended by the back of his jacket with one arm like he weighed nothing at all.  He bent down picking up Hermann’s cane and thrust it in his hand dusting him off before setting him gently to the ground. He nodded grunting at a job well done.

     “Err…thank you.”

The bottle blonde woman smacked her gum and smiled.

     “No problem sweets.  I’m Honey Parker. We were gonna need to find ya anyway. All the Jaeger pilots are having a meet en greet in the deck 3 rec room Saturday at 7. Ya gotta come. He’s gotta come don’t he Harry?”

    “I…”

    “An invite Frankenstein too , Ya kinda need him. He’s invited just cause we gotta. Right Harry?”

    “Madam I don’t think…”

She smiled and sauntered away waving behind her back. She added more motion to each hip wiggle then was ever needed for walking. Harry smiled at him grunted then saluted before following.

           

            His heavy breathing was loud in his own ears in the confined space of the helmet.  Newt’s voice spoke somewhere to his right but he couldn’t see him. He could only see his own soft reflection in the black glass.

    “It’s just a simulator Hermann. It’s just a big video game, don’t freak out ok?”

   “I am not freaking out Geiszler. I am getting…accustomed to it.”

     “well you gotta log at least 100 hours on this thing before you get into Occam.  Thems the breaks.”

     “Charming.”

The helmet started to buzz loud and the flat female monotone of the drift computer spoke in his ear.

     “Simulator online. Neural handshake  initiated.”

Thankfully this part of the sim wasn’t real and he just felt a blue light pass over his irises. The buzzing got louder and then the black in front of him turned into a complex view screen surrounded by hundreds of multicolored button and switches.

     “Left and Right hemispheres calibrated. Jaeger online.”

     “N...now what?

The view screen window was showing him the San Francisco Bay. He took a step towards the bridge and the Jaeger followed suit. The sim had him driving good old Romeo Blue, one of the original mark ones.  He raised an enormous hand and turned it over staring at his fingers and flexing his knuckles. It felt amazing to be so huge. He took a limping step, displacing water and little boats around his knees. He was just beginning to enjoy himself when the whole cockpit flashed red.

     “Kaiju signal closing.”

     “What I...<Oh god what do I do!>”

Newton’s voice echoed somewhere distance.

     “Oh awesome they gave you Trespasser. Man..the shape of his skull, the large cutting dorsal fin. He was one of a kind.”

     “Not helpful!!”

There was a roar and by the time Hermann had turned Romeo around the Kaiju’s mouth was already in his face.  It roared again and with a long lash of its tail he was flying backwards. He hit something hard head snapping back and found himself tangled up in the cables of the bay bridge

     “Kaiju signal detected.”

He struggled trapped as the finned face turned sideways opening wide and heading right for him inside the helmet.

     “ AHH! Abort! Mission override! …t…termination protocol!…FICKEN VERDAMNT! TURN IT OFF!”

It didn’t stop and the cockpit crunched around him splintering. Teeth pushed through the metal and the view screen shattered. Finally the screen turned black and the noise stopped.

     “You have died. Try again?”

He yanked off the simulator helmet and leaned on the sim guardrail. His eyes huge, pupils dilated to pinpricks.

     “<I can’t do this…I’m not a pilot I’m a …I’m a mathematician…>

Newton walked closer. The old sim machine had been shoved into a cramped storage closet on one of the cabin decks. It was a simple platform with two foot pedals, some sensory gloves and a helmet. Three screens hung at the front of the user and showed viewers what they were seeing. Gottlieb leaned down trying to pull his feet out of the heavy platform pedals his eyes tearing up.

      “<I quit!..I…I can’t do this…this isn’t something I should ever have attempted!>

Newton leaned over to help him get out of the machine.

     “<I was really bad at It at first man. You gotta give it a chance…>”

He stood there and gritted his teeth trying not to cry even after the last of the simulator braces were off his legs. This was too much. This was too alien and too far away from anything he had ever done. He couldn’t find his English and was glad he was with someone who spoke German.

     “<Newton. I am not as strong as you. I can’t handle this.>

     “<you’re not giving yourself enough credit…and besides…you and I will never have to fight Kaiju. That’s not why we’re piloting. The simulator is just to get you used to the controls…>

Newton leaned over looking up into his face.

     “<You’re never going to really go through that.>

Hermann took a few deep breaths and moved slowly off the platform. Reaching for his cane where it hung next to his jacket.

     “<I think I’m going to be in a lot of pain for days because of this.>”

Geiszler sighed running his hands through his hair. It made little difference. It stuck straight up the moment his fingers were out of it. He followed Gottlieb down the hall hands in his jean pockets.

    “<I’m sorry that bothered you so much.>”

    “<you’re not sorry! You could care less as long as I do what you end up wanting me to do in this scheme you’ve concocted! You could care less about my feelings in this business!>”

   “<You know for a fact that’s not true you stubborn asshole!>”

   “<Oh I think it is! For all you care I’ll end up just like that pilot you killed!>

He knew immediately he had gone too far. Geiszler tensed, his hands balled into fists and his mouth drawn into the straightest line he could manage. By now a crowd had gathered on all sides, Mechanics and engineers watching curiously even if they didn’t understand what was being said.

     “<If thinking that makes you happy then fine…you go ahead and think that. You seem to only be happy when your miserable.>”

Newton turned and pushed through the throng looking very small and Hermann inhaled sharply fighting the urge to go after him. He turned to find Mrs. Melero standing behind him biting her knuckles and looking concerned.

     “What just happened Hermann.”

He couldn’t bring himself to look her in the face. She was shorter then he was …he could be tall if he stood up straight.

     “Hermann. Look at me cariño…”

He couldn’t and he knew it. The pain in him was so bad he couldn’t figure out if it was his or Newton’s.  Looking at this kind woman would break him and that would be it. She put an arm around his back and guided him forward .

   “Well? What are you all staring at? Vete! All of you!”

There was a hushed murmur but she glared at individual faces and that finally sent the workers scampering. She guided Gottlieb to his room and helped him sit on the bed sorting through his belongings until she found his tea. Turning on his hotplate to warm some water she bustled about, hanging up his coat and putting his cane in the corner near the door. Setting the steaming cup into his open hand, she sat close rubbed his back soothingly.

     “Why did you fight with your drift partner?”

     “I can’t do it. I can’t pilot…I can’t be his drift partner.”

She didn’t argue she just listened and nodded.

     “I see. Well…even if I didn’t’ want to pilot with Neta anymore…. We have something I can’t just decide to break. We have a bond that I feel as much as my own skin. “

He ground his teeth fighting the urge to scream at her. His voice came out cold and level.

    “Go away please…Mrs. Melero I don’t wish to speak to anyone right now. You…your company is most abhorrent to me at the moment.”

She stood, sliding her hand from his shoulders and closing the door behind her as she left.

    “Goodnight Hermann. You know where I am if you need me.”

     “I won’t …thank you."

The moment the door clicked shut he threw the teacup to the floor and punched his hand into the thin ships mattress.  He was finding new ways to fuck up he hadn’t even thought possible. What Geiszler had said…was eerily similar to something Vanessa had told him…near the end when he left. You like being miserable and he supposed that had to be true. He lay back on the bed without bothering to take off his shoes and curled into a tight ball. The Kaiju had killed him in only two minutes. He had looked at the sim time. He had not even lived long enough to turn around. The college had been safe…why hadn’t he stayed there. The pain inside him burned red hot and he tried to count the digits in pi to take his mind off it. He was past the thousandth place when he finally escaped exhausted into sleep.

 


	3. Trust Exercises

The lecture podium sat alone, miles above the faceless crowd. What was he giving a lecture about? Had it been the Breach…or something about the throat into the other world? Gottlieb realized he didn’t remember what he had been speaking about. All of the listeners were in the dark but he could see Vanessa in the back of the cavernous lecture hall.  She stood in the only shred of light smiling at him proudly, a camera in her slender hands. She was all in white, her lovely face framed by her shining black hair. His wife seemed so far away…behind all those faceless students. Something was wrong now, her smile was changing. Gradually at first but then…then she started to scream, lips contorted grotesquely in pain. She screamed and it echoed off the high wood ceilings. Not one of the students turned to look at her. She held her swollen pregnant stomach and screamed unceasingly. Her belly distended and her voice tore upwards, changing into the shattering roar of a Kaiju.  He moved away from the podium as if suspended in quicksand. Every movement like fighting against invisible hands as he ran for her, his leg shooting dark pain up into his spine. Her white dress began to turn a bright luminescent blue and she was looking over at him face pallid and drawn.

     “<It’s too soon Hermann!>”

The baby Kaiju burst from her screeching. Its blind blue eyes rolled as it charged, mouth open, ready to swallow him whole. He fell backwards and shied away from it rain hitting his hands and face. The thing began to choke and he stopped mid-crabwalk…its umbilical cord was wrapped around its neck. Hermann looked down at his tattooed arms and back up at the dying Kaiju. It gurgled and thrashed trying to draw air unto malformed lungs. Vanessa walked toward it as it gave a last dying rattle. Hugging the monsters half-formed face against her body, She kissed it gently. The beautiful white sundress hung tattered around her, drenched with poisonous blood. 

     “<It was too soon. We lost him.>”

Smoke started to rise from fat red blisters on Vanessa’s smooth skin where the Kaiju blue had touched her.  She gazed upwards, blood dripping from her eyes and nose. 

     “<You’re glad he’s gone.  Aren’t you? You’re a coward.>

He stood, took a step forward and found his leg didn’t hurt. It was hard to see through his broken rain flecked glasses. The Kaiju’s flesh melted into the ground and so did Vanessa’s. It all rotted and merged together. Slowly something rose from it. A Kaiju bigger than any he had ever seen or read bout. A size with no category, it never stopped going upwards. It never stopped growing….and he found himself laughing hysterically. Laughing and laughing and…

 

Someone above him was actually laughing. Hermann woke all at once to find snow falling on his face and sticking to his hair and eyelashes.  He sat up quickly and looked around dazed. He was hanging several feet below the main deck of the ship in a lifeboat. His bed, mattress and all, had been piled in and lowered while he slept. Up on deck The Whateley twins waved down at him cheerfully through the swirling snow. He pulled his blankets close trying not to look down at the long drop into the frigid gray water. The twins spoke quickly, one always picking up where the other left off.

     “Morning sunshine!”

     “Have a good sleep?”

     “You looked so serene but your room was so stuffy.”

     “Took you out for a bit of air.”

      “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

     “Speak up Hermie! Can’t really hear you over all the shouting.”

“PULL ME UP YOU LUNATICS!”

Howard made a great show of putting his pinky finger in his ear and wriggling it around.

     “I’m sorry? I’m a bit deaf in this ear.”

Gottlieb looked down, regretted it and clung to a support rope with his eyes shut tight. He moaned thickly knowing he had no choice but to deal with them.

     “What do you want?”

Taking a noisy packet of crackers from her pocket Sonia opened them and shoved some into her mouth speaking around them.

     “See I told you he could be taught brother of mine. Just look how well behaved.”

     “You are as astute and beautiful as ever sister dear. His manners have already improved tenfold, why I can’t remember the last time he…”

Hermann opened one eye and gazed up every muscle in his body clinging to the rope.

     “If you could hurry up…If we could hurry up...p-please.”

Howard cleared his throat loudly and coughed theatrically.

     “We have a tiny trifling little list of demands. ONE! You apologize to Newt for being a jackass. Get him some flowers or something. Maybe a box of Kaiju eyes, real friendly like. We call him names and think his work is creepy as hell but we like him. He’s had enough of a shit time without you also being a shit. Act like a damn Ranger.”

Sonia chewed loudly dripping crumbs on Hermann’s head from her open mouth as she spoke

     “Oh and Mrs. M! Hes gotta say something nice to her too. ”

     “What she said! On to TWO! You are gonna start training with us every morning and maybe a couple afternoons. Because frankly you are terrible, you suck really badly. And we have to work with you. So it would be in our benefit as well as yours not to suck so much.”

Hermann nodded wildly as a stray wind whipped around him knocking the lifeboat gently against the side of the Ontario.  Sonia smacked her lips and belched reaching for some freeze dried fruit in her other pocket.

     “We’re gonna whip you into shape pretty boy!”

     “What she said! And finally condition number THREE. Hot Pants Parker told us you met her in the hall and invited you to our little get together Saturday. It’s just a quiet affair with a couple close friends, nothing elaborate. Your gonna show up and your gonna bring Newt and your gonna have a PLEASANT EVENING. Capeesh? “

One of the sheets from the bed was caught in a sudden draft and sent sailing off into a flurry of snow. Gottlieb nodded into his clenched arms.

     “What was that? Got a bit of tinnitus in the old ear.…”

     “YES YES GOTT VERDAMMT YES!”

The boat started to slowly rise upwards. He didn’t loosen his grip as it jolted skyward the rope pulleys making ominous squeaking noises. When he was level with the deck each of the twins grabbed him under an arm and hauled him up shaking his hands as they did so.

     “Good meeting! “

    “Must do it again soon!”

     “And remember your promises because we know where you live.”

They both looked at him each of them had one eye shut noses scrunched.

     “We could make your life pretty horrible.”

     “Worse than it already is even!”

Hermann tried to speak but he just gagged staring at them in utter disbelief. They both laughed and slapped him on the back at the same time.

     “Just kidding!”

     “Or are we?”

     “I have no idea!”

They turned each still holding him under an armpit so his feet didn’t touch the icy deck, Frog-marching him towards an open door hatch.

     “Since you’re up might as well start on that training!”

     “No time like the present!”

Hermann had a million protests but all he managed was a weak.

     “M..my bed.”

 

Newton sat staring blankly at the heart in the tank. He bounced his leg, jiggling the little bottle of medication in his pocket. Hermann watched him for a moment before he cleared his throat to get his attention.

     “Newton…am I disturbing you?”

Geiszler looked over his shoulder surprised to see Hermann on the stairs leading down to the meat locker floor.

    “No. Just…thinking. “

     “Ah. Well. I also had been thinking and realized I acted very…inappropriately before.”

     “Yeah? Well…I have to ask, why is it so hard for you to act like a person Hermann? Want me to pretend I’m an equation? Would that help?”

Hermann sat on the stairs slowly setting his cane between his knees.

     “People aren’t math. Math has a singular answer. That’s why I understand it.”

His fellow scientist turned slowly in his chair tapping his glasses on the metal worktable. The frozen parts of his face seemed stuck in a permanent look of worry.

     “How you ended up married is a mystery for the ages.”

     “She was half chalkboard on her father’s side.”

A chuckle of disbelief worked its way out of Newton’s throat.

     “Did you just make a joke?”

Hermann shrugged and pulled his coat shut zipping it tightly against the chill.

     “I was married in part because her father and my father were associates. She and I knew each other from a young age. Then we went to university together and she helped me make it through. I love her very much. But I made her unhappy and it was better we parted ways.”

     “I can’t believe you just said the L-word Hermann. Won’t you burn or… turn into dust or something?”  
The cane tapped the stair railing distractedly.

     “I…feel love.”

     “I know you do… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Newton put his glasses back on and started to clean up a dissected section of eyeball had had left out on a tray table.  
     “I know you feel…sad a lot of the time, lonely and angry. But you barely know how I feel. You work so hard to block me. I bet you must have really shitty dreams. The more you block me the more it’s going to jump on you when your guard is down. You can’t let yourself go. Why can’t you just go with the drift?”  
     “Do we have to talk about drifting Geiszler?”

     “Oh I’m back to Geiszler now? The minute I bring up something that scares you I’m back to Geiszler.”

Hermann was beginning to seriously regret coming down here. His body was a raw aching pile of muscle and goo. The twins had taken him to the ship’s tiny foul-smelling gym and did not let him use his cane for nearly twenty minutes. Not to mention the single chin-up they had required before he was able to leave. Gottlieb hated no one in this world the way he hated the Whateley siblings.

     “What is there to talk about…we drift, we drive your Occam’s razor. I’m doing what you required, there’s no need to talk about it.”

      “You have to let yourself drift before we do anything. If you keep trying to ignore it you’re going to have an aneurism before we even get to Fortress. That’s how people chase the rabbit and never come back. What happened when you went back to Munich? You’re even worse than before…you have to trust me. I thought you already did.”

The cane clanged so hard on the guardrail it made Newt jump and he stopped putting the partial cornea in preservatives to look at the stairs. Gottlieb was trying as hard as he could to hold his temper down his face and ears turning pink at the edges.

     “I thought you knew everything about me. Every thought and feeling…every…every sneeze!”

     “I get a lot of messy loud feelings. Sometimes pictures and fuzzy memories, but I don’t know everything. I bet I could know more if you…”

     “Well maybe you’ll get what I WANT you to see. And you’ll be lucky I’m here!”

     “This isn’t like a disagreement over an abstract breach theory Gottlieb! You can’t win at this!“

The pink spread to his cheeks and Hermann bit his lip counting prime numbers to keep from screaming. The raw emotion struck Newton so hard he had to sit panting and clutching his own chest. In the Kraken tank the heart stirred, moving a bit faster.

     “See this is exactly what I’m talking about!  This and…”

He stopped mid sentence as blood dripped down from his nose to his collar with a soft plop.

Reaching a gloved hand to his nose Newt pulled it away looking in bemusement at the blood covering his fingers.

     “Something did happen to you. I thought the separation was consensual?”

Hermann stared down at the blood leaking from his own nose, tears streaming from his eyes despite his efforts to keep them back. Completely overwhelmed, he had no idea how to handle this.  He rubbed his nose violently on his coat sleeve his voice soft and miserable.  
“<You expect me to be open when you keep everything a secret? When you won’t even tell me about your accident or your bipolar disorder? I regret ever putting that Pon on my head…>”

Newton was silent a long time before he finally stood and slowly sauntered over to the stairs. He removed the Kaiju stained latex gloves from his hands one at a time and wiped his fingers off on his coat. Raising his arm up, he extended his fingers and watched Herman expectantly. He made no move to touch the doctor and said nothing to encourage him. Standing within reaching distance, all Hermann had to do was bend down and take his open hand.

Gottlieb hesitated, then leaned between the rails of the cold metal stairs and took Newt’s hand inquisitively. There was a soft pressure on his fingers as Newton squeezed them.   
     “You over think everything man. You need to trust me. I know I haven’t told you everything and you haven’t told me everything, but I still trust you.  At some point you just have to let me in.”

The fingers gripped tighter and blood dribbled unnoticed from both their noses. Warmth seemed to spread up from the tattooed arm and settle in Hermann’s chest.

      “You have to let me love you back.”

Hermann pulled back as if he had been burned, but Newt just stood motionless hand sinking gradually back to his side. Getting to his feet mechanically and grabbing for his cane Gottlieb made his way back towards the door. His voice flustered as he tried to regain any composure he had left.

     “We are…invited to a get together with the ….other Rangers tomorrow. I…I trust you’ll attend with me?”

    “Wouldn’t miss it partner…”

   “Then I will…see you later. I am…still working on the …files you gave me.”

   “That’s fine. Take your time on it.”

Newton smiled the sad crooked smile he was stuck with and gave a little wave as Hermann fled, slamming the meat locker door.

 

_He swam through the darkness, through the cold smooth water. He was so hungry. He was so hungry and there wasn’t enough food here. He had traveled away from the warm water and into the cold. Above him there was miles and miles of blue ice. Sometimes he would poke his nose up into it to see if anything alive was on the surface. A few times he would catch something very small. Swallowing it would do nothing to his hunger. He let out a loud burst of resonance noise and felt it recoil off something hard... it was metal. Moving towards it he saw the fishing boat. He’s so hungry he bites the ship in half to get to the food he can smell inside. It is slightly more filling then the bits on top of the ice. A few more boats and maybe he will eat enough to sleep. He lets out another echoing blast and in the distance…through miles and miles of dark and cold there is an answer._

 

     “Look Lively Hermie! Your wake-up call is here!”

     “Get on your best suit and spats we’re off to a party!”

The twins banged on the metal door and sang his name at the top of their lungs until Hermann threw a book at it. 

     “So touchy.”

    “No sense of humor.”

     “Not a funny bone in his whole stringy person.”

     “From our time in the gym I question if he has bones at all.”

He lay still trying to remember what he had been dreaming. He had been…swimming? Ah, what did it matter? He had trouble getting up, hissing pain through his front teeth. He was so sore it felt like he had taken up a hobby as a punching bag. Only two days of the twins training regiment and he had been reduced to a near crawl.

    “<I’m coming idiots… I’m coming…>”

The Whateley’s went into a rousing chorus of “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” and were about to give an encore when they were chased off by the voice of an avenging angel.

     “You go on now! We’ll be there in moment! Neta you go on with Howard and Sonia…I’ll escort Hermann and Newton myself. Fuera! Salir de aqui!”

     “Whatever you say Mrs. M, and might I say you look spectacular this evening.”

      “You watch yourself now, he might look tame but he’s got a bite like a rabid moose.”

Neta spoke with her mother a moment longer, then all three sets of footsteps faded down the hall. There was a gentle knock on his door and Mrs. Melero s voice floated in from the other side.

     “Hermann…may I come in please?’

    “Err…yes Mrs. Melero…of course you can.”

The older woman walked in hand over her eyes as she closed the door behind her.

     “Are you decent cariño?

     “I have my pants on …I was searching for a shirt.”

She moved her hand away from her eyes and nodded at him going to help him dress without asking for permission. He had expected her to be in a nice dress but she was wearing old sweatpants, a ratty tank top and some nasty looking sneakers.

     “No nice shoes tonight. Do you have anything like jeans? Those slacks are much too nice.”

     “I believe I have some at the bottom of my clothing trunk...I do not own any other shoes…”

     “I figured as much. You always dress so well.”

She took a bundle of clothing from under her arm and handed it to him along with his jeans.

     “Newton told me he would find you some sneakers.”

He winced at the word “Newton” as much as the word “sneakers.” The blue t-shirt was much too big for him and proclaimed “Hollywood: Where the magic happens!” in large obnoxious pink letters.  When he slipped it on over his head it was apparent the shirt belonged to someone slightly taller and much much broader.

     “This is…delightful.”

     “That’s one of Harry’s. You’re a bit tall to borrow from the others. Let me try tucking it in…“

She fussed over him reaching up on tiptoes to smooth his hair and loop a belt through his jeans.

     “Mrs. Melero…I’m sorry I was ….the way I was the other day…I shouldn’t have...You’ve been very kind to me Mrs. Melero.”

She smiled at him warmly, tenderly squeezed his arm.

     “Oh cariño, you really need to gain some weight. You’re under ideal pilot weight by about five pounds I would guess. And the training with Sonia and Howard will only make you lose more.“

    “You know about the training with the Whateleys?”

     “I suggested it to them after your troubles with the simulator.”

His lips tightened into a compact straight line.

     “I recant what I said earlier Mrs. Melero, I’m not at all sorry.”

She laughed loudly throwing back her head and shaking it.

     “They are just trying to help, do not be upset with them eh?”

     “They enjoy helping FAR too much…”

He glowered down at himself and gave her a pained look as she shoved him out the door.

     “You look perfectly fine.”

Her footsteps tapped quietly on the grey metal floor as she walked to Newton’s cabin next door. She couldn’t be have been more than 5”2 . Why, Hermann wondered, was he constantly pushed about by people so much shorter than himself?

     “Newton? Are you ready to go?”

There was no reply inside and she frowned at Hermann as she opened the door a crack. The inside of Geiszler’s room was dark and bitterly cold. There was no light at all aside from a single blue-green specimen jar on the fold-out desk. The mass inside floated amid iridescent bubbles and seemed eerily to follow her progress. Gottlieb waited in the doorway watching as Mrs. Melero flicked on the hanging lightbulb when the cord brushed her face.

     “Newton…”

He was sitting on the bed knees up to his face good eyebrow furrowed staring ahead without blinking. Nita leaned down and sat close, reaching out to touch his hand.

     “Newton…Pequena?”

He jolted and in an instant Hermann had the odd impression that his pupils had turned a vivid incandescent blue. It lasted only a second and he dismissed it immediately, convincing himself that his glasses had caught the light of the specimen jar. Mrs. Melero leaned in close and spoke to Newt in a low sweet voice..

     “Newton are you alright? Have you taken your medicine?”

     “Nita? When did you get here? What time is it?”

She took both his hands in hers and put them to her lips.

     “This is very important Newton. Look at me…Tell me, have you taken your medication?”

His face crinkled a bit as he tried to remember and he looked at her confused.

     “I did …I know I did. Why? Did I do something?”

She shook her head and let go of his hands leaning forward to stroke his cheek with a thumb.

     “You just scared me. That’s all. You worry me. “

     “I’m ok Nita I was just ya know…blank braining for a minute...I came in here and…must have just passed out…lost track of time you know.”

Newton looked up and spotted Hermann and smiled wide getting to his feet.

     “Hey dude! Wait there I got something for you!”

Throwing clothing and books up off the floor Geiszler rooted about looking for something.

“It took awhile to find shoes your size. You’re so damn tall…”

He shoved the used sneakers into Hermann’s hands and beamed pulling on his jacket. Hermann wrinkled his nose and was about to say something barbed when he caught Mrs. Melero giving him a stern look.

“Thank you Newton they’re very….nice.”

 

Gottlieb knew that this wasn’t the quiet meet and greet the twins had promised the moment they stepped out of the stairwell out onto deck three. A mass of people were milling about in the hall and he could hear more inside the large echoing recreation room. He took a step back up the stairs mutely but Mrs. Melero grabbed him and pulled him forward like a kid trying to escape a dentist appointment.

     “Oh no you don’t.”

Over the din he could hear the twins speaking...They were sharing a megaphone to be heard over the swarms of mechanics and ship-hands. Newton was bouncing excitedly on his heels grinning every which direction and Hermann noticed with suspicion that the crowd moved to let them pass. A few of the staff elbowed each other pointing at them and the sense of dread increased tenfold. The room had higher ceilings then most of the living spaces on the Ontario, rusted out metal beams crisscrossed above them. Rows of folding chairs sat threefold deep around a big square area of cleared floor and every single one of them was full. Whatever this was it was a standing room only event. The empty floor was carefully covered with sheets of plastic and roped off haphazardly with bright yellow strips of plastic tape that read “Danger! Do not cross!” The Twin’s voices seemed to spear into Hermann's brain and he scanned the masses trying to find them.  The Whateleys were standing on a wooden crate near the back , Howard with the megaphone to his lips and Sonia writing something on an oversized whiteboard pinned up to the corroded metal wall. Hands would appear every once in awhile and she would grab money from the owner handing them back a white stub of paper. It didn’t take very long to realize she was writing up on the big board…betting odds.

     “That’s right! The dark horses have just walked out onto the tracks ladies and gents! Tonight for the first time on this or any other Pan Pacific ship we have the Crazy Fighting Science Krauts!  New to the game but everybody loves a long-shot! “

Hermann leaned on his cane squinting up at the board. The Melero’s were the favorites to win with the odds in their favor at 1:1. Below them in second were the Whateley twins with a respectable 3:1. In third Nancy Archer and Honey Parker at 5:1 and fourth was the crew of the Jaeger Waltz Inferno at 7:1. The Inferno’s pilots were two cousins from New Zealand Gottlieb had yet to meet. He fumed silently inward as he stared up at that stupid whiteboard. There in dead last was he and Geiszler with odds at an abysmal 50:1.

     “Newton. Do you have any money on hand?”

Newt grinned at him his whole face lit up excited.

     “I have three bucks emergency money in my shoe…”

     “Then use it to go and place a bet on us to win!”

Newton laughed giddy as he reached down to pull his shoe off.

    “You don’t even know what everyone is betting on do you? Did anyone tell you what this is?”

The doctor patted his jeans pockets realizing any money he did have was in his room.

     “I do not care. After all we’ve accomplished they want to lower us to last!? We will…we will show them! Here…err...madam could I borrow that pencil and a piece of that paper?”

Hermann took the pencil and paper from the mechanics, using it to write an IOU for ten dollars. He handed it to Newton face taut and determined.

    “I want to wipe the smirks off the faces of those miserable Whateleys.”

His colleague just shook his head, his face about to burst from grinning so wide.

     “You got it dude, just hold on I’ll go do this …I’ll meet you in the ring!”

    “Wait…in the ring?”

    “Come on cariño! It’s almost time to start!”

Nita  Melero grabbed one of Hermann’s arms and dragged him forward. There were ten chairs set inside the rope boundaries and he could see the other pilots already sitting in them chatting as if there weren’t three hundred people stuffed into the room to stare at them.

     “Mrs. Melero what is this anyway? I don’t quite understand what kind of competition this is. We aren’t going to be required to wrestle are we?”

The older woman stared at him then started to laugh so hard she could barely speak.

    “Wrestle? Oh…oh Hermann you are so silly! Just watch and you’ll get the hang of it very quickly.”

The twins hurriedly gathered up the last of the bets and stepped down off the crate trading places with Harry Archer who propped a chair precariously on top of the box. There was a squealing noise that made the crowd murmur as he adjusted a microphone, testing it. His voice boomed through the room and everyone went quiet quickly. When Harry Archer actually spoke, Hermann mused, his voice was hard to ignore.

     “What a lineup tonight folks! “

Plopping down breathless into the chair next to Gottlieb, Newton gave him thumbs up as Harry continued warming up the crowd.

    “Let’s forget the formalities and get these Drift Games started!”

The huge man was handed a cap that looked suspiciously like it belonged to Sergeant Joyce. Reaching in, he wriggled his hand around dramatically and pulled out a small slip of paper opening it carefully he read aloud.

     “Our first of tonight’s three events is Sweet and Sour!”

There was a cheer and Hermann watched completely flabbergasted as a few of the workers hurriedly put up a black curtain, stretching it across two metal poles. They set two chairs facing opposite directions on either side of the dark fabric.

     “Our reigning champions the Mad Melero’s will go first. “

Nita winked at Hermann and stood giving her daughter a high five. They strode to opposite chairs and Neta was carefully blindfolded first with cotton batting over her eyes and then with a long scarf tied at the back. A heavy set of soundproof ear protectors were placed over her head. The mechanic assisting her snapped his fingers a few times near her face to make it clear she was deaf as well as blind.

The room went silent as a wheeled table was pushed in front of Mrs. Melero . On it were all sorts of food. Everything from cut lemon slices to butterscotch pudding. She looked over the food carefully and chose a jar of sweet pickles raising it up where the room could see it. There was an intake of breath as she closed her eyes and ate one very slowly taking a bit of the pickle juice into her mouth and swirling it around before setting the pickles back down in the exact spot she had found them. Gottlieb was on the edge of his folding chair as the assistants waited for Neta to signal she was ready. She did after only five minutes raising her hand and speaking loudly to hear herself talk.

     “Sweet Pickle!”

He found himself clapping with everybody else.The real contest he found wasn’t identifying the food. It was the amount of time it took to do so and the amount of accuracy the pilot could do it with. An answer like sweet or sour was acceptable for points but to answer exactly what kind of food was worth much more. It was a contest about the strength of the pilot’s bond, a true test of ghost-drifting.  Hermann felt himself turn pale and leaned over to Newton voice low.

     “Geiszler….I’ve made a terrible mistake. How are we supposed to do this?”

     “We’ll do it partner, we got it.”

Sonia Whateley guessed that Howard was stuffing his cheeks with peanut butter in eight minutes flat. Nancy Archer, a prim and very beautiful woman with chestnut hair and a slim figure guessed that her partner, the busty blonde Honey Parker, was sipping grape juice in ten.  The Inferno pilot Tane Mere took twelve minutes to figure out Tai Mere had slipped an entire canned anchovy into his mouth, but got bonus points for mentioning they were canned. Then it was their turn. Newton grabbed his hand and helped him up to his feet. He whispered to Hermann as he did so giving the best pep talk he could.

     “I’m gonna be the one in the blindfold, you be the eater ok? Remember Hermann…reach out to me…feel it! Want that connection! Pick something you like to eat. That will probably make it easier.”

 Every time a new team went up to take their turn, a new tray with random food was brought up so there would be no cheating. Hermann looked frantically at the things he was offered trying to decide which, if any, would be easiest. He passed over the onions and a little bowl of mashed potatoes before his eye caught on a single hard peppermint candy. He liked peppermint, it was good for a nervous stomach. When he was attending university he used to carry some around in his pocket to suck on during class. They signaled that Newt was ready and he shrugged picking up the peppermint so everybody could see it before peeling the wrapper off and sticking it in his mouth. He closed his eyes and pictured himself handing a second peppermint to Newton. He imagined reaching across the curtain, showing him memories of the candy from his past. Barely three minutes passed before Newt’s voice rang out loud and clear.

     “Peppermint candy!”

No one moved. The crowd was silent.

     “Peppermint…hard candy?”

Newt turned his blindfolded eyes this way and that.

     “Hello?”

Mrs. Melero and Neta both stood cheering and slowly the throng joined them still in shock. Hermann himself was so stunned Newton had to guide him back to his chair. Newt never seemed to doubt himself for a minute and his crooked smile showed it.

By the time Gottlieb had gotten over the fact they had won the first event the second event was already drawn from the hat. It was a straight forward challenge called “Pin the Jaeger on the Kaiju.” A small obstacle course of boxes, chairs and pillows was set up. One pilot was given the blindfold and ear protectors along with a small paper Jaeger glued to a thumbtack. A corkboard with a large crudely drawn Kaiju was placed on the other side of the course. The Rangers partner could not speak to them outside the bond, no verbal cues at all. The quicker they navigated the course, the better the score.  Neta and her mother managed it in under ten minutes with only one mistake, a few points deducted for a toppled chair. Mrs. Melero leaned over to Hermann when she sat back down whispering exuberantly.

      “I haven’t seen Newton look this happy since his accident.”

       “Really?”

Mrs. Melero smiled and patted his shoulder turning her attention back to the twins who were in the middle of their run. She winced as Howard tripped and went sprawling into a pile of pillows.

 Newt volunteered to wear the blindfold when it was their turn.  Hermann stood back nervously as his partner donned his gear at the starting line. He took a deep breath and tried to push out the people…the noise. It was just him and Newton, like it had always been in the lab. The obstacle course was rearranged and new things added, including a bucket filled with cold filthy-looking water. Harry Archer blew a short tweet on a whistle signaling the start and Newt was off taking a few steps before stopping head swiveled quizzically.

_“Not that way!”_

Hermann thought frantically at him.

_“To the left! The LEFT!”_

Newt seemed to contemplate the space in front of him then took a tentative step towards the water bucket.

“ _Ah! No! No no!”_

“Hermann think in pictures at him! No words pictures!”

“No helping Mrs. Melero! That’s a five point deduction for both of you!”

Harry boomed over the microphone as the clock ticked away precious seconds of their lead.

Hermann looked at the layout and took another long breath through his nose to calm himself down …pictures…alright. He let his eyes unfocus as he imagined himself stepping into Newts shoes and moving through two chairs. Visually showing him the gap he needed to get through. Newt immediately turned away from the water bucket and towards the chairs hands held cautiously upward.  They managed to make it through in fifteen minutes with no penalties. Third in the event and first in the running. The crowd, which had been unsure of them at first, was roaring when Newton jabbed his Jaeger pin into the cartoonish Kaiju drawing. He even managed to score a few bonus points for stabbing it right in the head.

Harry cleared his throat and reached into the hat to draw out the final event. He paused and smiled as he read it out loud.

     “Our last event of the evening is “I’ll Duet by Myself!”

There was laughter with the applause; this was clearly a fan favorite. Hermann leaned over to Mrs. Melero fretfully.

    “Duet? Does this involve singing?

   “You’ll see cariño…”

She and Neta conversed a moment in Spanish and Neta smirked as her mother was taken by a volunteer who lead her out of the room. Neta herself went to sit in a chair in the arena. Harry met her there and handed her the microphone.

“Remember folks the more song she can sing the more points she can score. It’s a close race between the Mad Melero’s and Team Super Science! It could still go either way!”

A deep silence came over the crowd as a signal was given by the open doorway and a clock started. Neta sat eyes closed and slowly as if she tuned to a radio station only she could hear, started to sing, slowly at first missing a few words…then stronger.

     “I feel charming …oh so charming …its alarming how charming I feel...”

Her score was good. She was able to get two and a half minutes of the three minute song and judges listening to her mother sing in the other room gave her extra points for her timing. The song was chosen at random and if neither of the pilots had heard it before they got a higher score for difficulty.

     “Geiszler…I can’t SING, and Certainly not in front of people!”

    “Sure you can! I bet you can sing great! We’re Rock-stars Hermann, don’t forget it.”  
The twins received their highest score of the night. It turned out this was their strongest event and they managed three perfect minutes of “Don’t go breaking my heart.” Sonia even danced a bit, really getting into the song and it burned Hermann when she dropped the microphone at the end. They were nothing but outrageous showoffs. He was only half listening as the rest of the teams did their songs. Nancy and Honey getting a good chunk of “Dancing Queen” while The Mere cousins struggled through “Time of my Life.” Gottlieb got up fully expecting to be helped to the other room but found them pushing him towards the stage.

     “Newton! I do not wish to be…”

Newt shrugged as they escorted him off, smiling crooked and not at all concerned. Harry handed Gottlieb the microphone and clapped him on the back.

     “Come on doc it’s only fair after Newton did the obstacle course!”

He was plunked into the chair and felt his face burn hot. They were hooting and shouting at him…laughing. There was no way he could do this. This was not like speaking in front of a class, this was just hell. Then he saw the twins and they looked so damn smug he felt resolve tighten in his chest. Gripping his cane until it hurt his hand he closed his eyes and waited. The noises faded…Hermann counted backwards from 1000. And then he sensed the song seep into his head. He felt it rather then heard it...let it come and bubble up his throat. His voice cracking and accent thickening as he lamely attempted the melody.

     “I…I have climbed highest mountains…I have run…through the fields…”

Time passed. Slow and agonizing and finally it struck Hermann that there were no more words to the song and he was done.  Cautiously he cracked an eye open, the room was brimming with noise. Everyone was cheering, the shouts and applause deafening. Hermann started to shake utterly overwhelmed, so lightheaded he was on the verge of passing out. Harry Archer lifted his hand into the air.

    “We have our winning team!”

People were on all sides shaking his hands and patting his back. He scrunched up his shoulders, pained, wishing it would stop and he could go hide in a very deep hole somewhere. This had to be one of the worst most embarrassing moments of his entire adult life…then he saw Newt in the doorway. People were clamoring around him, touching him and congratulating him. He looked so happy. His face lit up like the day they had stopped the war clock. The frozen half of his face was alive again and the humiliation seemed suddenly worth it.

     Hermann opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind, stopped. Something odd had happened in all of it. He had felt Newt in his head with him. He had been there waiting for a long time…but now Gottlieb had completed the connection. Now he felt like words weren’t important, there was nothing he needed to say. The dull roar of noise around him faded and he felt his lips curl slightly, smiling.  Their eyes met…and then the sirens started to blare.

 

A calm monotone voice popped over the loudspeakers in a hiss of static.

     “All staff please return to work stations. All staff will please return to work stations. A Kaiju signature has been detected in the area.”

Gottlieb limped forward trying to avoid being crushed as the crowd started to panic around him. There was a frenzied rush of bodies, everyone shoving to get out the door at once. He lost sight of Geiszler in the first five minutes and would have fallen under the trampling herd if Harry Archer had not grabbed him and pulled him back out of harm’s way. Neta Melero snarled at a few people pushing past her as she made her way towards Archer, speaking over the clamor of voices and fear.

     “Where should we go Harry? Should the Rangers get to the ships bridge?”

Harry grunted thinking this over, the stream of workers and sailors were finally trickling its way out and soon only a few people were left in the empty rec-room. Hermann saw all the pilots around him, all but one.

    “Geiszler? …Newton!? Where did he go? Did anyone see? He was by the door. We have to find him!”

The low silky voice of Nancy Archer drifted towards them from where she stood pressed against a far wall.

   “I saw him, he was heading for the stairs. Going up, probably to the main deck”

    “The idiot!! Hes going to see the goddamn Kaiju!”

Mrs. Melero spoke in a firm soothing voice as the emergency lights flashed red and the sirens screamed.

    “We will go find him Hermann. But right now we need to not rush into doing something stupid…Harry the pilots should be on the bridge with the sergeant…Neta and I will go with Hermann to find Newton up on deck and join you there…”

   “Not without us Mrs. M! We can’t let anything happen to the little dude.” 

The Whateley twins both saluted in unison and Mrs. Melero bit her lip thinking this out.

   “Alright..you two stay with Hermann…help him with the stairs.”

The ship has become a madhouse, men and women half crazed at the thought of a Kaiju moved zombie- like through the halls. The twins had to fight their way up the nearest staircase and by the time they’d hit the upper levels Hermann was sure his leg would burst wide-open from the pain. He knew that Geiszler was outside, could almost feel the rain on his own skin. He attempted to put the mental blockades up in his brain again. So angry and scared he hardly remembered why he tried to connect with him in the first place. Howard struggled with the door to the open sea deck impatiently before just ramming it open with his shoulder. The spray of salt and gale winds blew the air out of Hermann’s lungs. Here and there deck hands were running trying to tie things down. The Ship seemed to be drastically changing course and the freezing sleeting rain soaked the flimsy t-shirt to Gottlieb’s skin in less than a minute. He didn’t even have his coat.  Shouting to be heard Sonia Whateley put a hand to her eyes trying to squint through the darkness.

    “Do you see him anywhere?”

    “I know he’s here! I ….I feel it!”

Howard Whateley pulled off his sweatshirt and threw it at Hermann. He had on a long sleeved thermal shirt underneath, more than the doctor had. Still it was a very kind gesture.

    “Here man you just got over the flu. The Meleros are coming out on the other side we’ll circle around and meet them at the front! There’s a lot of deck to cover! Sonia you go with the doc and I’ll head that way!”

The twins hugged each other tightly before Howard jogged off and Sonia smiled at Hermann helping to pull the thick sweatshirt over his head.

   “You always do that before you part ways?”

    “The hug?... Yeah it’s kinda important to us. You never know when the last time you see a person will be you know? Especially somebody you love. Always go away on a hug, that’s the Whateley motto.”

Hermann didn’t answer limping near the guardrail struggling with his cane on the icy deck. Sonia took him under an arm and they moved a lot quicker. He felt some of the animosity towards the twins soften…but just a little. She spoke loudly in his ear sounding very young and scared as she did.

    “I…is there really a Kaiju do you think? It must be a mistake, I thought they were gone. We’ve never seen one in person. The program ended before we ever fought against a real one.”

    “Geiszler seems to think there is and…as numerous and varied as his faults are, he is not a known liar.”

    “Hah that’s why I like you, you’re so weird, talking like you’re giving me a lecture as we hobble around on a tanker deck in the pouring rain.”

The ship suddenly listed violently to the side. Sonia pulled Hermann tightly to her as they both fell and started to slide for the guardrail.  Grabbing the frozen deck for any handhold and finding nothing.  For a horrible moment it seemed as if the Ontario would capsize, plunging both of them into the searing cold water. For several agonizing moments the ship righted itself, lurching violently back and forth. It reached the crest of a steep wave and slid down the other side. Sonia grabbed Hermann’s cane as it slipped past them and reached up using the bone handle to hook onto a coil of heavy rope. They clung to it as the ship climbed another wave, this one seemed to keep going up and up into the black sky.  Something pushed against the ship’s hull and it lost upward momentum slipping backward in the water, nearly toppling onto its side again.  Hermann squinted up confused at first by what he was seeing… it seemed like tiny blue stars had started to appear in the black clouds above them…then he realized they weren’t stars at all. They were eyes.

    “Kaiju.”

He whispered the word to himself as if speaking a prayer. It was a Kaiju, Geiszler had been right.

Sonia pulled them forward inching away from the numbingly cold water splashing over the ships side onto their bodies. She pointed toward the very front of The Ontario’s bow.

   “Newton! I see him! Look!”

Gottlieb pushed himself up slightly and spotted Geiszler slowly walking toward the hulking Kaiju his arms held up to it, spread apart like he was welcoming it.

    “Hermann what the hell is he doing?!”

The Kaiju leaned forward taking an eternity to bring its head down to the same level as the deck. A deep blue pain laced up the doctors spine and scratched claws across his brain. He howled pushing his hands into his temples, vainly attempting to numb the agony. It did no good. Sonia stood shivering and helped him up pulling him towards the tiny figure of Newton Geiszler.

The Kaiju reached down with several long tentacle-like protrusions on either side of its gaping mouth. The strange whiskers glowed a luminous blue as they writhed through the air, smelling everything they brushed. The mouth was a neon blue cave lined with rows of transparent teeth each as long as a bus, its head-shape was achingly reminiscent of a male elephant seal.  The beast made a long shrill noise followed by several grating clicks and pings. Newton just stared at it eyes half closed and glowing the same unearthly blue as the Kaiju’s.  He reached out and touched one writhing tentacle and his eyes rolled back into his head, body going stiff. A second tentacle wrapped around him touching his back in a way that was almost gentle. Sonia could barely take her eyes off what was happening only turning when she felt the doctor convulse against her. She shrieked …his eyes had turned that same evil blue. Hermann was still conscious but the pain was spiky white noise in his head and his nose was gushing blood.

     “Sonia...

He managed weakly.

     “They’re talking...”

The Kaiju finally raised up its head and let out a roar so loud it shook The Ontario down to the lowest decks. Even in the meat locker, where the kraken's heart lay sleeping. Turning away from the tanker the behemoth plunged back into the waves, shooting up a geyser of cold arctic water, splattering the bucking deck. Everything started to settle again, even the storm seemed to calm. Newton managed to keep his feet a moment longer before he collapsed heavily. He started to shake, gripped in the throes of a vicious seizure, staring up blindly at the drizzling rain.

 Sonia gaped at him and then back at Hermann unsure what to do, unsure if she even wanted to go forward.

   “Help him.”

Hermann sat back on the deck, hissing through the blue pain ramming his skull.

   “Help him before he bites his own tongue off…”

There were voices somewhere close. More people running towards them. He heard Mrs. Melero’s panic-stricken voice and felt her embracing him tightly, squeezing him and sobbing brokenly in Spanish. She moved away only when she spotted Newton, sprinting towards him fast as she could run. A few crew-members and Howard Whateley followed hot on her heels.

Seargent Joyce leaned down on one knee bringing his face level with Hermann’s handing him a handkerchief to stem the bleeding from his nose.

       “We saw the Kaiju…”

Gottlieb glared at him, the blood vessels in his left eye a broken red mess.

    “That’s why they want us to pilot so badly….the Kaiju don’t attack us do they? You bastard…you had some knowledge of this didn’t you? How...how did you know?”

Joyce avoided his ragged stare but said nothing to argue, his ashen face ashamed.

    “They think we’re one of them and you want to use that, use Newton...and me. I doubt you’ll tell me to what end…”

    “What would you do if you were me Dr.Gottlieb? Geiszler just saved everyone on this ship.”

The sergeant watched as Mrs. Melero pulled Newton close, rocking him back and forth like a baby, a small broken bundle in her arms. Newton Geiszler, the little man who had faced down a Kaiju and asked it politely to leave.

 


	4. Cripples and Madmen

Alert, Nanavut sat at the very edge of Canada, literally the last inhabited place in the northern half of the world. In his brief about Fortress Hermann had learned it was the last place one could go before there was simply no more land. The freezing ice-covered Lincoln Sea lay beyond it and above it there was nothing but empty sky. Fortress One was the second largest Shatterdome in the world and the deepest man-made structure ever built.

    When the Ontario slipped through the last of the dense pack-ice to dock at Alert’s tiny seaport the first thing Hermann noticed was the quiet. The ice crackling against the hull seemed dampened by the hissing fall of thick snow. It was hard to believe they had arrived in high summer.

    In the week since the Kaiju attack Gottlieb’s felt like his life had turned a dark oppressive grey. People were afraid of him. Only he and Sonia Whateley had seen all that had happened and only he really understood it.  Nobody seemed to truly grasp what Newton had done for them. And he had paid for it, they both had.

     “Are you ready to go landside Doctor? I have a team moving Geiszler from the sickbay to the Fortress infirmary in five minutes. You could go with him if you like.”

     “Don’t do me any favors Sergeant Joyce. I will go with the Rangers when they disembark. I spoke with Geiszler before he was sedated for the transfer.”

      “As you wish, your lab is being set up. You will have very nice accommodations here, much better than any other Shatterdome could provide.

Hermann stared out into the sallow sky. There was no color here. It was as if the entire world had been de-saturated.

      “Yes. As nice as a prison can be, you wouldn’t let me leave now even if I asked would you?”

Joyce frowned and rubbed at his neck with a calloused hand.

     “You and Geiszler are not prisoners Gottlieb. You just now see how important you really are. You could mean the difference between life and death with this new wave…”

Gottlieb just nodded his voice low, eyes glassy.

    “Yes. I understand sir. I’ll be in the lab tomorrow.”

    “I still need your psych evaluation and physical. It’s a formality but it’s necessary for everyone.”

    “Yes sir.”

Sergeant Joyce waited to see if Hermann would say anything else but he stayed silent, the fight seemingly gone from him. Joyce left him there just staring into the clumps of broken ice and ragged grey water.

Hermann had told only half the truth. He had spoken to Geiszler earlier but the man was not himself. His conscious moments were fleeting and he was so high on painkillers he probably wouldn’t remember their brief conversation. With Newton barely lucid he felt utterly alone. All he had done since the attack was isolate himself and stare at Kaiju sighting statistics until he could no longer think. The wind blew through Hermann’s hair, grown shaggy over the past month on ship. He had not even bothered to shave the last few days. Everything was so broken and wrong.

 

    “Feeling sorry for yourself doc? Care if we join you?”

    “We’ve been doing a lot of the same so maybe we can help.”

The Whateley twins leaned on the ships guardrail on either side of him.

    “You know Newt told us stories about that Parka… but I didn’t think you would still own it.”

    “It’s just as ugly as I always dreamed it would be.”

Hermann glanced down at Sonia. She looked upset, like she wanted him to be angry… wanted him to yell or reprimand her for neglecting him. Neither of the twins had approached him in days.

    “Ah. You’re speaking to me again. How unfortunate. I was enjoying the peace.”

The twins both looked at their gloved hands ashamed.

     “Sorry we didn’t you know…come talk to you sooner.”

     “The whole Kaiju are alive again thing…it took the wind out of our sails.”

     “We didn’t know what to think but… we would never desert you!”                                             

Sonia’s grim expression seemed so out of place on her round friendly face that Hermann felt a pang of guilt. What good was it to be cruel, for him or for them?

    “…Well. I would have approached you sooner or later. You owe me and my associate six hundred and fifty dollars.”

They twins laughed deliriously, relieved, each throwing an arm around his back. Sonia hesitated then flung herself forward hugging him tight. She pushed her face into his chest, sniffling a bit. He didn’t even flinch at the touch. It was so good to know that here were people who did not hate him. He patted her back stiffly and she reluctantly let him go wiping at her eyes.

    “IOU’s don’t count, we owe you 150 and not a penny more!”

    “I’m sure you would have honored my IOU had Geiszler and I lost the games.”

Howard pulled Gottlieb’s faux fur lined hood over his eyes and Sonia zipped his coat up to his chin affectionately, he groaned but could not hide the tiny smile lurking at the corner of his mouth.

    “Trainings back on the minute we get to Fortress Hermie!”

    “I can barely contain my joy. But tell me…Where is Fortress? The Shatterdomes are always very easy to see at a distance. I worked in the one in Tokyo for quite awhile before the transfer to Hong Kong. “

Both of the twins pointed at the same time and spoke at once.

    “Down.”

 

Hermann and the twins left the Ontario together. Sonia gripped tightly to his arm partially because he had trouble with icy patches and partially because she didn’t seem to want to let him go. Howard walked protectively on his other side as some of the crew cast nasty looks their direction. Rumors and speculation on the ship had been wild; some even believed he and Newton had brought the Kaiju on purpose.  Scared people would believe anything.

   They caught a ride with a weather research team Hermann didn’t know. All of them were very young and spoke in loud giddy voices about how amazing it was to be out here, how lucky it was to be in Alert at all.  He pulled his hood around his face, sitting in silence in the back of the rocking snow-treaded truck. The twins sat to either side of him and spoke in quiet voices about something they had heard over the radio. He was only half listening; it was hard to concentrate with the constant throbbing pain in his head

    The bleak landscape started to slope downwards and he caught the first glimpse of his new home. It didn’t look like anything special, rather like an oil refinery perched at the edge of a rocky cliff. Crowds of workers wearing thick coats and tinted goggles were loading boxes into freight elevators on all sides. Hermann slid out of the back of the truck nearly losing his balance on an icy black patch of motor oil.

  Following the weather team slowly he glanced up at the smoking black pipes shooting thirty or forty stories above them. They spewed clouds of acid white smoke into the ashen sky. It was like the first day after the Kaiju had entered the doctor’s brain. The pain had been so intense Gottlieb’s vision had turned almost completely white and he had needed to wear sunglasses in even the dimmest light for days.

    A heavy-duty metal elevator yawned open, ready to take them and a giggling group of kids young enough to be college students down into the base. Gottlieb stood apart from them, moving to look out what appeared to be a window in the elevator itself. It was several inches thick and slightly warped from the weather but it was certainly something the elevator had a window at all. The first 80 or so floors were nothing but metal beams and miles of wiring, the skeletal and circulatory systems. By the 130th floor the view became much more interesting. The murky depths of the Lincoln Sea appeared...they were underwater now and just getting started on their descent.  He had read in the brief Joyce had given him that Fortress One was over 300 stories deep. They left the ocean at floor 201 and the students were starting to get nervous. They had probably never been in a Shatterdome before.  At the 215th floor the research students thankfully piled out and the Rangers were left alone. Hermann looked down at his room key.

    “All the Pilots are on floor 217 yes?”

Sonia nodded.

     “The floor is really quiet. Empty. There are only ten teams and each floor is made for about a hundred people. We even have our own commissary. But we’re not going there! We have somebody we need to see.”

Howard rubbed his hands together and chuckled.

    “We gotta visit our baby.”

 

The Jeager hanger was so deep within Fortress that the ride down to it took twenty minutes, and the elevator did not travel slowly. During that ride the twins went into all their robot’s specs, droning on about every gory detail.

    “He was built in the Toronto HG factory. Last one before it closed down. That’s the same factory that helped build THE Brawler Yukon. “

    “Longest arm reach of any Jeager ever constructed!”

     “And the best overall aquatic unit ever designed!”  
         The elevator lights flickered and for an instant the interior went dark. They plunged through a series of metal rings and then the lights blazed and he could see the hangar…it went on for what had to be miles. Cave like alcoves were carved into living rock each containing one of the massive robots. Small fabrication buildings scattered the hangar floor mazelike, welding sparks seemed to fly from every direction. Glass call stations and scaffolding hung from every crevice and there were the constant sounds of shouting and clanging metal. When he and the twins exited the elevator Gottlieb found himself standing on a huge yellow circle painted sloppily onto the floor. From its center radiated ten different colored paths each with the name of the Jaeger it represented. The twins squealed with glee and yanked him down the aquamarine path, walking past hundreds of busy people in oil stained jumpsuits.  
            The Siren Carpathia was a very slender unit and about the height of the Gipsy Danger. It was odd in the fact that its arms were nearly as long as its body and it leaned forward slightly, almost apelike, at rest. The head was very thin and curved sharply along the dome having a single blunt submarine like fin sticking up between the rounded red eye-shield. Coupled with that and the fact it had painted teeth around the edges of its body where the head was attached it looked a bit like a metal piranha. The twins hugged one of its massive feet climbing up to sit on it.

    “Did you miss us baby?”

    “We missed you.”

   “Have you grown since we left?”

   “Eating all your greens like we told you to?”

Curiosity started to jab at him and Hermann turned. Leaving The Whateleys to get reacquainted with the Siren, he followed the aqua path back to the yellow circle. Purple path: Foxglove Jupiter…Orange Path: Strife Chimera…Dark Grey Path: Frost Potemkin…and there it was. Neon Green: Occam’s razor. His heart started to pound as he tapped the painted path with his cane. Looking around to see if anyone was watching him he started to follow it. It was a lengthy path and the longer he walked it the less often he would see an active workshop or a group of mechanics amid a sea of sparks. He passed the Seawise Giant spotting Harry Archer arguing animatedly with a small Chinese man. Archer didn’t see him.

      The Giant was exactly what its name claimed and more. The Biggest Jaeger Gottlieb had ever seen, even bigger than the Striker had been. It was all smooth curves and rolling ball-joints, a short torso on long powerful legs.  Most of the weight seemed to rest between the Jaegers’ huge shoulders in the head. The head was perfectly round and sunk deep into the chest its large eye-shield looking down thoughtfully on the people repairing it. It was a marvel two small women could operate something so incredibly large. He walked on and before he had really prepared himself, he saw it.

   The first thing Gottlieb noticed was the size. Occam was very small for a Jaeger. Standing next to a Mech as big as the Seawise Giant or the Striker Eureka it would have looked like a child. He walked closer mouth hanging open as it stretched up above him. Despite being smaller then average it was still a Jaeger and had to be at least 150 ft from feet to head. It was a stocky thing with large hands and extremely articulated fingers.  The head was undersized compared to the chest and seemed to be taken up mostly by a dark black eye-shield. Massive lights were affixed on either side of its head and he spotted a second pair of small claw like arms tucked into the shoulder flaps. The flaps spread to either side of its body like a pair of stubby wings. Hermann reached out a hand and lay it on Occam’s foot. It was pliant to the touch, the base supported by heavy rubber padding. The exaggerated eye-shield and overall softness of Occam made him look like an enormous brightly colored toy rather than a ruthless Jaeger killing machine.

     “You there! What are you doing ere! Occam’s offline! Ain’t na reason ta be over here!”

Hermann pulled his hand back guiltily as a man emerged from a nearby trailer, stomping irately towards him.

     “Which team do you belong to? Yer not one of mine and…”

The man stopped catching a glimpse of Gottlieb’s cane, raising an eyebrow.

    “Yeh an important someone? Politician? Go do a photo shoot with tha Rebel Samson. They love that shite. Razor ain’t for the …”

    “Its...its my Jaeger...I..I’m the new Pilot.”

The man was short and had a bit of a gut his dark black hair graying around the temples. Gottlieb thought he had the look of someone who is always under a lot of stress. The small man stared at Hermann unsure what to make of him.

    “That so? That’s who they bring me now? A damn cripple to match tha madman I’m stuck with?”

Hermann scowled and curled his lip.

    “Yes. If you must know that is who you are stuck with. The cripple and his partner the madman piloting your miniscule half- Jaeger.”

The man ran fingers through his curly graying hair and walked in a few short circles mumbling under his breath.

    “Ya got a name then Gimp? Ya the Gottlieb fella Joyce warned me bout I’d bet. I didn think ye’d actually have the balls ta show. Being German wasn’t enough yeh had to be a cripple ta boot.”

Gottlieb watched him go in his shark-like circles nervously. It was impossible to get a word in edgewise with this unpleasant little man who reeked of sweat and cigarettes.

    “I’m Dr. Balor Flood. Head engineer and architect of Occam, the Jaeger yer bound ta destroy I’m sure.”

Gottlieb flinched, stammering protests weakly as Balor began poking at him, walking in increasingly slower circles as he sized him up. Without warning Balor lunged catching Hermann off guard.  He grabbed his cane and kicked his bad leg out from under him sending him heavily to the concrete. 

    “Pitiful. Like pushing over a two legged lamb…How much range yeh got in that leg then? Ah never mind I’ll find out…eh...might be able ta build a compression harness…shift the weight a tha leg on the right brain. Ye’ll ave to take the rest of the weight on yer good leg. Even er out…”

Hermann lay still a moment the pain in his hip and head making it impossible to string two words together. He just looked up at this bully in shock. It was like he was back in primary school and one of his schoolmates had just shoved him to the ground. He opened and closed his mouth gasping but Balor wasn’t even looking at him any more twirling his cane in one hand  and regarding Occam thoughtfully.

    “Yer no Sean Patrick that’s for damn sure…Not even half the man eh was. Didn’t need to tack on no ugly extras for em to fly the Razor. An eh sure as fuck weren’t no fag like you an the mad inked bastard. Or so the mess gossip ave me believe.”

Gottlieb was frozen with a fear more paralyzing then any a Kaiju could inspire. He felt completely powerless, cowed by a man half his height and twice his age.

    “Balor! Get the hell away from him!”

The twins sprinted up the green path. Howard leaned down to help Hermann up midstride while Sonia yanked his cane from Balor’s hand, nearly spitting she was so furious.

     “Did you do that? Did you knock him down? You leprechaun son of a bitch!”

Howard grabbed Sonia’s wrist tightly before she was able to deliver the slap she was aiming. She gritted her teeth shaking with rage, breath coming in ragged gasps. Hermann felt his face flush red. Being rescued was worse than being insulted.

    “Pff. You two spoiled kids can’t guard em from me. His ass is mine now if’n he’s gonna pilot my Jaeger!”

Howard herded Gottlieb and Sonia back towards the green path flipping Balor the bird as he did.

     “It’s not yours it’s his and Newts. Deal with it little baby man!”

     “He’ll go through hell before he’ll be a pilot! Ya hear me?!”

Hermann felt Sonia’s whole body tense as she screamed back cheeks glowing bright pink.   

      “You’ll get yours asshole!”

Balor’s raucous laughter chased after them as all three retreated back towards the elevator. Gottlieb turned to look back, not at Balor but at Occam. The dark eye shield seemed to watch his progress, begging him silently to stay.

 

    “This is your room doc. Ours is just down the way and the Melero’s are across from you.  Kitchens always got something in it if you’re feeling hungry...It looks like they already delivered all your stuff.”

Gottlieb massaged his temples and started when Howard touched his arm.

     “You ok doc?”

Sonia frowned up into his face drawing his parka hood down. Hermann winced at the hall light and squinted up his watering eyes.

    “Your head still hurts bad…Is your leg alright? Did that little fuck hurt you? Do you want to go to the infirmary? We can show you were it is.”

Hermann reached for his door handle and shook his head weakly.

    “No…I am not made of glass. I will be quite alright. I will take a nap I think. Thank you two for showing me the hangar, showing me Occam. “

He looked over as Sonia spoke in a low plaintive voice.

    “Don’t let Balor get to you. You’ll be a great pilot. He’s just an asshole.”

     “I’m sure he is.”

Hermann closed the door behind him with a soft click.

 

The dormitory room was more spacious than he expected. A dresser, desk, and full bed…even a miniature refrigerator.  Reaching into the bathroom and flicking on the light he paused…there was a door identical to his own on the opposite wall. After trying the handle and finding it unlocked, Gottlieb pushed it open curious. A weathered Akira poster was stuck on the wall and around that plastered several smaller posters for “Godzilla vs. Mothra” and “Son of Godzilla”. He nearly tripped over a shoe on the messy floor, realizing all at once where he was. The nausea and pain hit him immediately and he barely made it back into the bathroom before collapsing. Seeing Newton’s room had burst the connection wide open again and everything he had been repressing.

    The pain was incredible. His brain was leaking out his ears, he had gone blind with it. Hermann reeled , barely making it to the metal toilet to throw up. He lay curled around it gasping for air as the blue pain slowly subsided…he got the connection under control and shoved Newt back to where his presence was a manageable migraine. He started to sob as he dry heaved.

    After the Ontario attack Gottlieb had thought he was going to die. When Geiszler’s brain had started to swell and press against the inside of his skull. He had been sure they were both going to die.  Laying on the bathroom floor to get his breath back Hermann found himself childishly wanting Mrs. Melero…but she had not left Newt once since  they had stuck a tube in his brain and let all the extra fluid ooze out.

    Hermann pushed himself up slowly and made his way to his room. Sprawling on the bed, his cane fell from his hand with a hollow clunk. Drawing his arms out of his coat sleeves he curled under it like a blanket, putting the hood over his eyes to drown out the painful light. He tried very hard not to think about Balor but found himself curling into a tighter ball. The Man had embarrassed him, embarrassed him and frightened him. There would be many like him in the program. And the worst was that Flood had been right. It was just like the simulator, he had been brought down in seconds. He was completely worthless.

    A quick nap…and he would go back to the statistics, go back to the familiar safe numbers and try to see what he could draw from them. See if the “handwriting of god” had written any helpful notes about where the monsters were hiding.

 

_The voice that called him was very small. He had come when It had called but another had sent him away. He needs food now. He has to eat enough to fill himself. The metal ships are not enough. The tiny fish are not enough. He can smell food on the land…but the land makes him heavy. Soon…soon then he will carry it through to the crack. To the deep fissure in the earth and then to where he is needed..Where the food is needed. He swims to an iceberg and wraps around it resting. The voice is there again in his mind. Asking questions …hurting…why does the voice not know? Is it not one of them? It is part of them…why does it not know…_

 

It was three in the morning and Hermann found he could not sleep. Grabbing his notes and laptop he set out for the Ranger’s commissary and found it comfortably deserted. Settling into a dark corner of the empty mess he spread his notes and laptop out in an orderly square and got to work. The scratch of his pen was the only sound in the dark aside from the chug of machinery somewhere distant. Gottlieb shook his head with a sigh taking off his reading glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose. The numbers didn’t add up. The Kaiju attacks seemed to be in every ocean…every hemisphere. He had a theory but it was not supported by the data completely and that made him hesitate. There were multiple Kaiju he could safely assume that. Some of the recorded attacks were very close on the timeline and in drastically different locations. He needed Newton to help him determine how fast a Kaiju of any size could swim…that might help with a more accurate theory on the number lurking in the earth’s oceans. The more Hermann thought about his confrontation with Balor the more the thought of seeing Newton put a bad taste in his mouth. He would have to figure it out on his own.

     “Burning the Midnight Oil Dr. Gottlieb?”

  He looked up startled and saw Nancy Archer behind the food server carts in the kitchen.

She ran a spoon delicately through her cup of instant cocoa and sipped it watching him critically. She never seemed to smile. He could not recall seeing her with anything but a disapproving glare on her face, the complete opposite of her partner Honey.

     “Would you like some cocoa? I have a stash of shortbread cookies we could share.”

He considered then just sighed rolling his neck and moving his shoulders up and down to get feeling in them.

     “I…would not be opposed to the offer Mrs. Archer.”

She made him some, putting in a little cream and swirling it about. She was pretty, not as pretty as Vanessa but he compared all women to Vanessa unfairly.

     “Please…just Nancy. I would prefer if you called me by my first name.”

She set his cup and the little plate of cookies down, settling into the metal bench across from him.

     “May I ask what you’re working on?”

     “Certainly, I am trying to give an accurate prediction of the number of Kaiju currently active and estimate where they might be…or more so where they might be traveling too. Not one of them has made landfall. It is a baffling puzzle…”

Nancy looked down at a map of the world Hermann was blotching with different colored markers.

     “They have no orders to. They didn’t attack cities for food or to find a mate…they did it because they were under orders from the Precursors. Its different now, Newton told me he thinks the Kaiju that attacked us was only doing so because it was hungry. It had learned that boats carry food. They’re just animals now, very large dangerous animals.”

She rested her chin on her hand and watched him intently.

    “When did you speak to Geiszler about that?”

    “Harry and I went for a visit after Dinner. He didn’t speak long but he’s finally coherent enough to hold a conversation. Now that he’s not doped to the gills all he does is ask for you.”

She looked at the map again holding it up and frowning at the multi-colored paths.

    “I hope they stay in the ocean so we can kill them before anyone is hurt.”

     “I felt enough of its hunger to know that when it gets desperate enough it will go landward. There is something else keeping it in the water. Something bigger I’m sure. If I could just figure out a migration path…if all of them are returning to a single place…or if they are coming from one…”

She interrupted him as she put the map back down changing the subject so abruptly Gottlieb did a double take halfway into a bite of cookie.

    “I heard about what happened with Balor. I know it must have bothered you. I wanted to talk to you about it.”

    “How did you?...It is not a concern.”

    “Mmhmm….Dr. Gottlieb? I’m an expert at not caring what other people think.  I’m sure you hear all sorts of things about me, Harry and Honey. “

She took another sip of her cocoa.

    “Did you know Honey was a porn star?”

He cocked an eyebrow and pursed his lips.

     “I …did not.”

    “Well no. I don’t suppose you would know much about that sort of thing would you. You’re about the most straight-laced person I’ve ever seen. “

She leaned her head back and sighed slowly.

    “I gave up a pretty promising acting career when Harry became a LOCCENT tech.  I don’t like to feel useless and he had found a real way to help. I knew he had been cheating on me with Honey for years but…when I actually talked to her…”

She looked right in Hermann’s eyes her voice serious and urging.

    “The first day at the Academy they told me I would not last till the end of the week. The hazing and training was unbelievably painful. But I got here because I didn’t care what other people thought…only about what the people I loved thought. Do you understand?”

    “I don’t see what this has to do with Kaiju migration routes we were discussing.”

She picked out a cookie and took a dainty bite.

    “Let me…try and put it some way you won’t find crude. The Meleros were the best pilots in the reserves. They have a drift bond compatibility rate so high they actually held an academy record for fastest connection established during a neural handshake. And you…some untrained uptight bore who has barely used a sim let alone been in the pit of an actual Jaeger beat them at drift games with the re-animator. ..The goddamn RE-ANIMATOR. The little guy in the basement with hyperactivity problems that can barely stop talking long enough to put food in his mouth.”

She tapped the table with a manicured nail giving this time to sink in before she continued.

     “…You’re going to run into people who disapprove of you…or don’t like what you’re doing or just…don’t like you. And you know what Hermann?”

He watched her awestruck as she finished her cookie and gulped down the last of her cocoa clacking the cup down hard on the table.

     “Fuck. Them.”

She brushed crumbs off the front of her robe.

   “Who cares what they think? Who cares what all the mechanics or engineers think. Does Newton worry about your leg? Do the Whateleys or the Meleros care about your sexual preferences? Hell no. Stick to your friends Hermann and fuck everyone else. Learn that lesson and you’re going to accomplish even greater things then you already have. Do you understand?”

He drew his mouth taut and nodded to her solemnly.

     “Good. Go see Newton as soon as possible. Oh and... You can finish off the cookies. You’re clearly under pilot weight. “

He watched her saunter off with a ghost of a smile on her lips.

    “Goodnight Dr. Gottlieb.”

 

Hermann put a gentle hand on Mrs. Melero’s shoulder. He had found her sleeping upright in a chair near Geiszler’s infirmary bed. She looked very tired, her hair tied back into a messy ponytail, dark smudges under her eyes.

    “Mrs. Melero?”

She stirred and groaned a little stretching her arms above her head.

    “Newton? Is it time for you…Hermann?”

She beamed at him surprised, still half-asleep.

    “Oh… cariño I’ve been worried about you…been too busy to check on you. Neta would bring me back reports but…”

    “I’ve come to relieve you. I’ll take the next shift with Geiszler.”

    “Are you sure?  He’s fine really just can’t see anything…”

She mimed putting a bandage around her eyes.

    “It will get better. The headaches are just…”

    “Yes…I know all about the headaches.”

She stood and stretched her spine popping.

    “Replace the icepack when it gets warm and I’ll be back in a few hours…”

She took Hermann’s hand and put it to her cheek, her smile warm.  

    “You scientists…can’t take my eyes off you a second eh?”

 

   After Mrs. Melero had gone Gottlieb removed the warm ice pack off Newt’s head and took a fresh one from a nearby mini-fridge. Newt groaned and raised a hand up weakly to show he was awake. The man mumbled, voice soft. 

    “Thanks Nita…it was starting to get hot…”

     “It is me Newton I did not realize you were awake.”

Newton’s arm shot out grappling blindly, trying to find Hermann.

    “Hermann!? Where the fuck have you been!? Why didn’t you come sooner?”

    “I’ve been to see you a few times before we got to Fortress but you were…quite enjoying the morphine.”

Newton didn’t seem to hear him already talking a mile a minute, his words tumbling over one another in an effort to get them all out.

    “Did you see? Did you see what it was thinking? Wasn’t it amazing?! We actually saw into the mind of a real living Kaiju! I mean I didn’t get to see much...it was too big but I mean it actually spoke to me!”

Newt panted for breath gagged a bit as nausea swept over him. The smile never left his face. Gottlieb winced feeling the pain in his head surge slightly.

     “Yes…yes I saw.”

     “We have to do it again…next time we’ll…”

    “For god’s sake Geiszler! They had to drill a hole in your skull this time around! How many horrible things must happen to your brain before you learn? Now listen to me…we HAVE to figure out where the Kaiju are…they need to be killed. You felt what I felt. They will go landward to feed sooner or later.”

Newt’s face fell and he tried to get his breath back, a wave of black pain full of little red stars swam behind Newt's eyes and Hermann saw them too.

    “Yeah…yeah your right, sometimes I get lost in it all and I forget what we’re really doing.”

Gottlieb drew a chair close to the infirmary bed, reaching over to take Newt’s hand. It felt like he was grounding him as he did it, tethering him back down to earth.

Newton gripped his hand very tightly.

     “I think they’re cleaners, they get rid of the people the others missed. The first categories tested the waters…the later ones were the muscle, the big destroyers. But eventually the precursors would be so busy with a military force here they would probably stop wasting resources on new clones and let them reproduce on their own just like they did with dinosaurs...They would turn focus on collecting resources like they did the other places. The one we spoke to, he had no individual memory of the other side of the breach. He was connected to the hive mind so he knew the other world existed, where he came from…but he was born on earth. It wasn’t a fluke they made Otachi pregnant... How long does it take them to grow? We need to find out, the one we saw could be years old…he could still be growing. We know nothing about their life cycles…we…”

He wavered.

    “I’m going to throw up Hermann…get me the bucket please…”

Hermann reached for the yellow plastic bucket he found at the side of the bed and managed to get it to Newt’s mouth before he lost everything in his stomach.

    “Ugh…so…sorry it’s the migraine nausea…talking makes it worse. I’m not supposed to talk for long.”

Hermann rubbed his temples turned all this over, thinking it through as he handed Newt a Kleenex to wipe his mouth. He noted Newton’s eyes were bandaged with black cloth…he guessed light still hurt Newt bad as it had hurt him right after the attack. He put the fresh cold pack on Newt’s forehead gently and took his hand again. His own head was pounding but the pain was manageable for the moment.

    “Now that the Breach is closed they seem to be acting on animal instinct and not on orders…but do you think they are breeding? Or …are we just dealing with the few babies that were born here before?”

Newt took a heavy labored breath clutching his stomach.

    “Ugh…I don’t know…the…earlier ones didn’t have reproductive organs. Otachi didn’t even have a real womb…but they were all so different…some could have easily been created with the ability to breed.”

    “And why not go to land…why are they waiting. My theory is something is still controlling them Newton. If it was only instinct they would be eating whatever was easiest…not hiding in the oceans. We need to find out more…”

   “That’s what Occam is for…that’s why we have to…bucket!”

Hermann reached for it and held it to the man’s mouth, putting a soothing hand on the back of Newt’s neck as he shuddered and spat.

    “I saw Occam today…”

Newt panted flushed and pale but he moved his hands gesturing wildly.

    “He’s great right? He can go deeper under water than any Jaeger ever built before… ”

     “Stop.  Stop talking. We’ll talk more about this when you feel better.”

Geiszler groaned but nodded trying to overcome a fresh wave of nausea.

     “I haven’t even told you…about Gog or…The lab there’s so much to do. We have so much to do...”

     “Later. We’ll worry about it when you are better.”

Hermann squeezed Newt’s hand, felt a feeble pulse through his fingertips. There was a patch of hair missing and a bandage where he knew they had drilled the hole. He searched for something to say that might distract himself from it…cheer Newt up.

     “Speaking of reproductive organs…Did you know the pilot Honey Parker has been the star of pornographic films?”

     “Hah….no...”

    “Apparently she was.”

Newt let his head drop to the side, body un-tensing.

   “That’s…funny…”

Hermann’s voice fell to a whisper.

    “I thought so… Newton I would prefer if you didn’t…run off like that again. You scared me the night of the Games. This is your habit…doing something stupid so I fear for you...Then after it Is over I feel angry with you. It’s inconsiderate to my feelings. If I’m going to be aware of yours you should do the same courtesy. ”

Newt just smiled the frozen half of his mouth twitching he squeezed Hermann’s fingers and that was really the only apology Gottlieb needed.

 


	5. I'll Eat You Up I Love You So

The sun was warm and the breeze soft on his face. Gottlieb smiled up at into the gently swaying boughs of gnarled oak. Soaking it in and running his hands over the edges of his kite. He was extremely proud of the kite, he had designed it himself, trying to create something that did not require too much wind to get airborne. Somewhere a lark twittered. In the field beyond the small grove of trees the brook burbled over rocks and buzzed alive with late July insects. The little rivulet of water was the marker separating his parent’s country house from the farmland beyond and Hermann did not go near it that often for fear of falling in or ruining his clothing. Hermann stopped as he heard a voice. There was a loud laugh and some annoying humming breaking the quiet, scaring away the birds. He stood slowly using the tree for balance. Not quite used to his awkward metal leg brace. When he looked up he saw a little boy around his own age….perhaps a year or two younger. He was going to turn eight soon after all.

     <Hey! You! What are you doing playing around in the water!>

The boy looked up his hair flying every direction. When he spotted Hermann he flailed his arm in an excited wave.

     <Come look! Come over and we can catch them together!>

Hermann looked nervously at his leg and over at the stream which suddenly seemed very far away.

    <I don’t want to go over there…>

He hugged his kite close and the other boy wiped at his nose leaving a big smear of mud.

     <Why not? Come on!>

Something about the other boy’s enthusiasm was very contagious. Despite being serious for his age Hermann was painfully lonely. This boy had not asked him one question about his leg yet, a serious point in his favor. Hobbling over carefully with the new cane that was too big for him he sat on the bank of the stream and watched as the wild haired boy rooted around in the clear water. Sinking an eager hand between his bare feet, he pulled the wriggling black and yellow body of a fire salamander into the palm of one little hand.

     <I caught him! Isn’t he beautiful?>

Hermann turned up his nose at it frowning.

    <Its dirty! What is it anyway?>

The boy stroked the salamanders glossy back gently staring at it with pure fascination.

     <Its Salamandra salamandra. They excrete neurotoxic alkaloid Samandarin…it’s a poison that drives off predators. But I haven’t touched em where the glands are so I’m ok.>

Hermann watched him let the salamander run up his arm and onto his other hand examining it from every angle like he was trying to solve a puzzle.

    <It is foolish to pick up something that might be poisonous…>

    <You don’t wanna hold him?>

    <No! >

The boy grinned wide at him and gently put the little animal down. He walked through the stream letting the mud slip in between his toes. Hermann gazed across the water confused. He had thought that there was a small forest and a fence on the other side of the stream but instead it was a stone farmhouse and an open field teeming with wild rabbits.

   <Do you live there?>

    <My parents and I come here to stay in the summers.>

The boy pulled up a stone peering underneath and dropping it slowly. He watched a slow fat minnow swim over his foot and giggled at it.

     <What is your name?>

     <Newt!…and your name is Hermann right? I think you’re in my dream.>

     <That’s not true! You’re in my dream!>

Newt shrugged at this and leaned down picking up another salamander this one was black with bright neon blue spots. He didn’t look at Hermann as he spoke all his attention focused on the little amphibian.

    <it’s just like the Red King in “Through the Looking Glass.” Have you ever read it?>

Hermann huffed crossing his arms over his kite trying to look smug.

     <Yeah. Course I have. A long time ago…it has math puzzles in it and I like...>

     <Well maybe I’m dreaming you and your dreaming me and when one of us wakes up the other will go out. -- bang! -- Just like a candle!>

Newt gently put the salamander back down and plopped next to Hermann in the grass.

     <I don’t think that’s true though…about the dreaming. Cool kite! Did you make it? Can we fly it?>

     Hermann hugged the kite tightly to his skinny chest and eyed Newt suspiciously.

     <You’re not going to wreck it?>

     <No way Hermann! I pinky swear!>

The little boy held out one hand his pinky finger raised waiting for Hermann to take it with his own pinky. Hermann held out his hand unsure what to do holding it in several different positions before Newt finally just grabbed his pinky with his own shaking it up and down firmly.

    <See! You got it! Let’s go!  You hold the string and I’ll run out and hold it up.>

Bare feet kicking up grass and butterflies Newt ran out amongst the feral rabbits in the open field, the kite held carefully above his head. Hermann’s design worked even better than he had hoped and soon it was airborne rising aloft on the tiniest breeze. Newt jumped up and down thrilled and breathless.

     <We did it! We’re a great team!>

Hermann smiled first and then the smile turned into an excited laugh.

    <Its up in the air! I’m flying it!>

Newt turned an awkward cartwheel and made his way back shielding his eyes with a hand. Watching as the kite rose higher and higher into the azure summer sky. A stray wind abruptly rippled over the treetops. It tore the string from Hermann’s hands and he cried out lunging forward to try and catch it.

     <No! Come back!>

Hermann raised his leg up to run but a little stab of pain flashed from his hip and he stopped, eyes welling up as the kite crashed into the upper branches of a distant tree. Newt grabbed his hand pulling him gently.

    <Don’t be upset we’ll get it back>

He staggered forward surprised when Newt waited for him. The boy would walk forward a couple of steps to scout the ground for hidden rabbit holes before running back to match his stride carefully. When they reached the tree both of them looked up squinting into the branches.

    <There it is! It’s in that birds nest>

Sticking his tongue out slightly Newt circled the tree a few times then found a branch low enough to leap to. He shimmied up the tree and Hermann watched eyes wide.

     <You’ll fall!>

    <Nah! I’m fine! I climb trees all the time.>

Hermann took another step forward and as he did his foot rested on something soft and rotten. He pulled away, looking down and felt horror climb up his throat.  A baby bird, pink and featherless lay dead under the tree. He backed away a few steps unable to tear his eyes from the blue veined head and twisted neck. Newt moved slowly back down towards the ground, the little kite held tight under his arm. He stopped, sitting on a branch slightly above the ground confused when he heard Hermann sobbing.

     <What’s wrong? I got the kite…did I do something wrong?>

Hermann wiped at his snotty nose and rubbed a hand across his eyes.

     <I killed it…>

Newt spotted the bird and pressed his lips together serious.

    <No you didn’t. It must have fallen out of the nest.>

     <Cause of my kite! This is my fault!>

     <It’s not your fault.  It wasn’t ready to leave the nest yet…The nest was old and empty when I was up there. It probably fell out a long time ago.>

Newt hopped down the rest of the way and offered his friend the kite gently. Hermann didn’t take it just stared down at his mismatched legs, his face red from crying. Pushing a hand through his wild hair Newt put the kite down and reached out stringy arms to hug Hermann tightly. He pressed his cheek to the little boys sweater vest and squeezed.

    <It wasn’t your fault. Let’s go play.>

Hermann looked down at the muddy streak Newton left on his sweater and nodded still sniffling. Overhead, clouds started to gather and the air darkened, becoming heavy with the promise of rain. He let Newt take his hand and lead him away from the dead bird back towards the rabbit’s field. Hermann took his kite and looked at a tear in it critically, eyes still bleary. He felt so guilty it hurt inside. Newt stopped distracted and Hermann felt their fingers slowly come apart. He reached out for the little boy’s hand, alarmed he had let go.

     <Where are you going?>

Newt grinned wide at him hopping from foot to foot as he walked towards a rabbit hole. Thunder boomed distantly.

    <I saw something crawl into that rabbit hole that wasn’t a rabbit...I’m gonna see what it is.>

    <Don’t! It might be something bad…>

    <You worry too much!>

Getting down on all fours Newt crawled to the hole a few feet away. It was bigger than he had first thought, too big for rabbits, too big for a badger or even a fox. Lightening crackled and the air became electric. Everything around them seemed to buzz with static. Hermann limped slowly towards the hole almost afraid that Newt would fall in. In the way of nightmares he knew something bad was about to happen. The hole started to glow blue and cracks spread along its edges. The ground rumbled and shook making it impossible for Hermann to keep his balance. Newt looked back towards him and half of his tiny face seemed frozen as rain started to pelt down on them.

     <It’s the breach! Maybe we can learn about…>

      <Newt get away from it!>

One massive razor sharp claw thrust itself out of the hole. The blue light reflected off it and Newton threw himself back trying to find his feet on the slippery wet grass. He ran breathless towards Hermann, tugging at his arm trying to get him to run too.

    <I can’t! You have to go yourself!>

    <You can! I won’t leave you!>

They both spun around eyes huge as the rest of the monster emerged from the rabbit hole. Its head stretched up above them. It was too dark to see its features in the pelting black rain, but they could see the neon blue light of one gigantic eye. It rolled in its enormous socket then turned to look at them. No…it was looking at Hermann. He knew somehow. It was looking at him.

 

The alarm buzzed loudly in Gottlieb’s ear and he woke quickly slamming a hand on the button to silence it. He lay still, one eye wide open roving over his room. He remembered this dream. He remembered every part of it.

    When the program had first started he had once requested the PPDC’s extremely thick and wordy research documents about drifting. Out of curiosity really, he had helped in some of the early development. He had read about all sorts of unpleasant side-effects of the early tests that had been fixed and then…the unpleasant side-effects that would never be fixed. Ghost-drifting in its many forms was the best documented. But there were stages of ghosting. That’s what they didn’t tell you. The most basic form of ghosting all pilots maintained. Some partners had a deeper connection and that made the ghost-drift more vibrant and palpable. The files contained unpleasant phrases like “Phantom Pain” and “Phantom Sensation.” These were self-explanatory. It was somewhere around page 400 of the Drift trial documents that it had really started to get interesting. 

   There was a documented case of a father and son team experiencing a swap in personality and identity. “Freaky Friday Syndrome” Tendo had liked to call it.  There was a sister- brother team in which the brother began to become confused about his own gender. He had become more and more paranoid and attempted to modify his body when no one would help him. Most terrifying of all was the two brothers from Russia. When one of the brothers died in the drift, the other brother became a brain dead vegetable.  He had gone into a coma and just…never come out. There was nothing else physically wrong with him. Raleigh Becket could have ended up like that, but he was a strong man. Gottlieb knew he was not. He and Geiszler had only drifted for minutes together…and the side effects had been severe. What would happen when they drifted for an hour? Three hours?

    Hermann’s hip ached and he shifted his weight to try and ease it. He thought about the documents and felt sure he knew what he had just experienced, a shared dream. Perhaps he had been having them awhile but this was the first he could remember. In the infirmary many floors below him, Geiszler would be waking up from the same dream. Would he remember it? Bracing himself to face the cold Gottlieb groaned and got out of bed, limping towards the bathroom. Newton would be out of the infirmary today, they would go to the lab together. He had decided it polite to wait. It had been three days and he had spent his time either with the twins training or in the infirmary while Newton recovered. He had not gone down to look at Occam again and knew it would be lying to say it had nothing to do with Balor Flood.

     Hermann stood under the shower for a long time, blasting the water as hot as it would go. The dream had been off-putting but not completely unpleasant…until the end.  He realized that he wanted to see Newton very badly. The intensity of the feeling caught him by surprise…he wanted to see him in the same way one would crave water when dehydrated. It struck Hermann all at once and he blinked water from his eyes trying to puzzle it out. Was that something he had missed in the documents or… even worse, it was just him. The feeling wasn’t completely new...He had to admit that. But it was much more powerful and seemed to be getting worse. He had to get control over it and shove it down deep…he had to keep tight control over himself so he didn’t do anything impulsive or stupid.

     He reached out to turn off the water and stopped. For a moment he had seen color on his arm…the curve and color of tattoos. He rubbed at his skin whimpering, scratching frantically through the streaming water. Gulping down his panic he turned the shower off…There was nothing there.  He took a few deep breaths shaking his head.

    “This was not covered in the documentation…”

 

Newton was sitting impatiently in a wheelchair by the infirmary door jiggling his leg and tapping his fingers. He threw his arms up exasperated when Hermann stepped out of the elevator towards him, a tired pensive look on his pale face.

    “I’ve been waiting for-EVER.”

    “Don’t exaggerate Geiszler. I did not even stop to eat breakfast. I came straight here.”

Newton looked around and tried to stand but Gottlieb wordlessly pushed him back down hooking his cane on the back of the chair and awkwardly attempting to push it.

    “The agreement was you could work as long as you stayed in the chair until the last of the dizzy spells and nausea has passed.”

Newt pouted and folded his arms across his chest.

    “This is ridiculous dude! I’m fine now.”

    “The agreement still stands. Where is Mrs. Melero?”

Newt sighed and leaned back into the chair pressing his hands into his hair and ruffling it.

    “She and Neta were deployed. You didn’t hear about the riots?”

    “I...had not.”

    “Yeah. Los Angeles is pretty much on fire and I think the Peace Commission is worried it’s going to spread to other cities if they don’t contain it. They raised food prices again and there was going to be a peaceful protest but…you know.”

    “But …they are people...”

    “At least they just called out the Foxglove Hermann. The Melero’s won’t hurt anyone on purpose. But they have to do their job. People are dying from mob violence and the riot police can’t handle it alone.”

Gottlieb shook his head feeling more exhausted then before. The thought of Mrs. Melero herding innocent hungry people around like mice with a giant robot was…disturbing. He felt a hand on his and jolted back from his thoughts.  Newton was looking up at him eyebrow raised hand on his. Hermann drew back with a grimace and noticed the familiar furred parka around Geiszler’s shoulders as they entered the elevator.

    “Is that my coat? Did you steal it?”

     “I didn’t steal it you left it here!”

 They bickered in a nice familiar way and Hermann felt slightly less ill at ease. It was strange how arguing could make him feel better. It put the protective walls back up where they belonged. He used his cane to push a button next to a tag made of duct tape that simply read. “The Slab.”

     “…It’s the Sub-lab correct? Shouldn’t that read S-lab?”

Newton went very stiff and played with his wristwatch band as the elevator started its long descent down. When he did answer his voice was as rigid as his shoulders and Hermann was sorry he had asked.

     “Yes.”

 

The S-lab was on the same level as the Jaeger hanger but could only be accessed through a side tunnel hidden behind some scaffolding. If Newton had not pointed it out and told him to follow the line of orange cones he never would have found it alone. They passed a chattering group of eco-scientists going the opposite way but nobody seemed to pay attention to the struggling man pushing the wheelchair or the twitchy guy filling it. They entered a dimly lit tunnel hung with hurricane lanterns. The cold hit them immediately, breath frosting up and turning smoky in the gloom. The farther down the rock tunnel they traveled the colder it became. Newt had started to speak animatedly again now that it was just the two of them but Hermann was only half hearing him prattle. A brighter light appeared at the end of the tunnel and he gave the wheelchair one last labored push, shoving them out into a massive room. He turned and gave a little shriek, standing face to face with the half-rotted carcass of a Kaiju.

     “Hermann meet Gogmagog! Early category I Kaiju and all around nice guy!”

   Gottlieb stopped pushing Newts Chair and grabbed his cane to get a closer look. Gogmagog was frozen in a gargantuan chunk of arctic ice. Only parts of his teeth and jaw protruded into the open air and he could see little areas where Newton had excavated into the corpse. Tunneling in and removing samples trapped in a blue film of Kaiju blue coated ice. Gogmagog himself was twisted into a strange position. He lay on his back one large leg pushed violently into the air a good two-stories above them. His long neck and head, which resembled a strange mix between a lamprey eel and a sea turtle, lay along the ground so close to him Hermann could have reached out and touched one of his teeth. Hermann shuddered when he saw the gooey remains of the half open eye. All of this encased here…frozen in the cold.”

     “How did….Geiszler how did this …get here?”

He turned to see Newton staring up at the Kaiju with a look of rapture on his half-frozen face.

    “He was here before Trespasser. He was one of the early experiments, a scout really. See how he isn’t nearly as big as a category 2? He didn’t last long out of the water, never made it to attack us. His mass was too much strain on his body. His body literally collapsed under its own weight. I mean he couldn’t get enough oxygen, this was before they developed the semi-permeable skin…couldn’t…”

     “How did it get HERE Geiszler?”

Newt looked up as if seeing Hermann for the first time.

    “Well…oil drillers found him… They brought him here months ago and kept him in cold storage. He didn’t seem very important when we had live ones popping out of the water you know…but now he can teach so much…the very origins of his species.”

Gottlieb stared at him and back up at Gogmagog feeling strange pride in his stomach that he knew didn’t belong to him. He shook his head trying to clear it and pushed Newton towards a ring of tables and desks. The Kraken tank was there. Along with several more vials full of throbbing floating organs. He paused as they passed near what appeared to be a blue aquarium tank the size of a semi-truck. Something long and thin floated inside the murky water. It bobbed lazily for a moment before streaking towards them, latching a huge sucker mouth to the side of the tank. The alien creature was the size of a boa constrictor but its body was so thin light shone through it. Two dark splotches on its round head flickered and blinked with oscillating sets of eyelids.

       “What in the hell!”

Newton laughed elated and put a hand up on the glass tapping it fondly.   

    “Hey Spinoza! You miss me? This is my buddy Spinoza. He’s a Kaiju tapeworm.”

    “I …I won’t even ask how you procured him.”

Newton just beamed and gestured wildly towards the far end of the lab.

    “I got your chalkboards out of Hong Kong! It took me awhile to find them but when I did I had them shipped on the same boat you came in on...See! Just need to set them up…”

He gestured to a raised dais surrounded by space heaters. It had a full Holo render computer, a few desks and sure enough leaning there were the chalkboards he had used in Hong Kong and his time in Tokyo.

    “Err…thank you Newton that was…kind of you.”

    “Come on…let me out of this chair. I’ll help you set them up.”

Hermann looked back at him and knew he could handle it. The pain in his own head had faded to a small ache. 

    “Very well…I do not think I could push you all day…”

Gottlieb sat back in a squeaky office chair rubbing his thigh ruefully. He didn’t take his eyes off the lifeless Kaiju, afraid at any minute it would start to sit upwards out of its icy tomb. He understood the name on the elevator button now, knew the answer to his next question before he asked it.

    “You are the only one who uses this lab Geiszler? Should you not have some lab techs? Some graduate students at the very least? It is not like the Hong Kong Shatterdome when the funding had been cut. When I met you in Tokyo I could barely see past your entourage.”

Newt struggled to put the last chalkboard into its wooden holding brackets and shrugged.

    “I….don’t really want lab techs or students. I thought I liked being adored by the masses but…I’ve kinda changed my mind.”

Gottlieb closed his eyes and put his hands out to a space heater trying to warm his fingers.

    “Your letters stopped shortly after you started here. They did not begin again until after your…accident I would surmise. You have been alone here all that time?”

Hermann’s chest constricted painfully and felt a twinge of satisfaction that he was making Geiszler uncomfortable.

     “I started pilot training. Got up to weight…did my time on the simulator. Worked here when I could... That’s back when the sightings hadn’t escalated, not like now.”

Newton walked back slowly and sat in his wheelchair. He pushed it with his hands and attempted to pop a wheelie without much success.

    “I had to spend time with…well…The original pilot Sean. We had to spend time together. He trained me. He wasn’t a bad guy or anything but. He just didn’t GET me.”

    “Oh?”

    “He would get impatient with me. Make me repeat back things like I was five. Made me feel like I was in kindergarten getting my knuckles smacked because I would get bored and let my mind wander. Not all kids learn the same way …”

Newt looked up at Hermann and smiled so sincerely it was painful and he had to avert his eyes.

    “They wouldn’t listen when I said it had to be you. Because of ..well…”

    “My leg? Yes that would make sense wouldn’t it? In the many years I’ve worked in the Jaeger program I have yet to see a disabled pilot Geiszler.”

The pain in Gottlieb’s chest got tighter and a cold fear moved into his stomach.

    “I warned them Hermann. You can’t just drift with anyone.  You…you understand me because…Hermann I…”

   Newt stopped and reached up to touch the bad side of his mouth wistfully, turning his eyes up to Gogmagog as if gathering up his courage. His insides were a squirming mass of fear and longing. Hermann felt it and wanted to run. Leave before Newt said something regretful that could not be taken back. The thing he had been expecting and fearing since the first drift. He heard Balor Flood cackling in the back of his brain and his father’s voice congratulating him too firmly on his marriage before he had even proposed. They all knew what he was. During the first drift he had felt the misplaced affection Newton held for him. He had tried very hard to forget it. Forget it and hope that Newt had somehow missed any inappropriate hidden things floating about his own mind. Hermann had run from him in fear, leaving for Munich barely three days after the end of the war without so much as a goodbye. Yet, Newton’s first letter had come only a week after he had moved back into his old flat. The letters had not stopped until Newt had come to this dark dreary hole at the end of the world. He looked at Newt and felt that painful twist in his heart, like someone was wringing it out with both hands. He had been alone here talking to that dead Kaiju. Destined to drift with a stranger and end up damaged.

 He spoke hurriedly voice a bit too high and forced as he got up looking for the chalk.

    “I will begin creating a model based on those Kaiju statistics you gave me shall I?”

Newton looked around and nodded giving a half-smile that didn’t touch his eyes. When he spoke he sounded almost disappointed.

    “Oh…yeah ok. Let me find my notes…You mind if I turn on some music?”

   “If it is at a reasonable volume.”

   Gottlieb felt his lips curl into a defensive scowl. He recalled again what Newton had said in the Meat locker on board the Ontario. _You have to let me love you back_. If he was honest with himself, he did not completely understand what that meant. There would be no declarations of love as far as he was concerned. He was here and he was Geiszler’s friend and that was sufficient. It was not bad enough that Geiszler was in his head and in his dreams. He would not let him lay claim to everything. He could control himself, Newton was the weak one. He would never speak to him about the painful separation anxiety he had felt in Munich…or the concern he felt when the letters stopped. These things Hermann felt sure he would take to his grave. Geiszler spoke as he wheeled the chair back over.

    “I start training again as soon as the Melero’s get back, Nita is going to help me pick up where I left off.”

Newt offered him a messy pile of papers covered with scrawled notes in his illegible handwriting.

   “By the time you log your simulator hours I’ll be ready to pilot again.”

Hermann grunted in answer and reached down, attempting to take the notes but found Newton didn’t let them go right away.  Their eyes met and he felt the connection tighten briefly. A quiet sensation of frustration clouded his brain before he yanked the notes roughly from Geiszler’s hand. He sat back reading them in silence, trying to ignore the sounds of Newton puttering around on his side of the freezing laboratory.

   “Why did you give the Kaiju that codename? The Kaiju that attacked the Ontario…”

Newton looked up his arms elbow deep inside a mass of Gogmagog’s preserved muscle tissue.

    “Well…did you notice he was white? His skin and scales he was a white Kaiju, first one I’ve ever seen. My theory is that it’s a camouflage reflex. Floating in the water from a distance he would look like an iceberg. So you know blue eyes…white skin, Codename Kotick, after the white seal from the Kipling story.”

Gottlieb glanced up and back down at his notes trying to look nonchalant.

    “You seem very well versed in children’s literature.”

Newton stared at him and wiped a splatter of gunk off his cheek with his shoulder. Hermann held his breath waiting to see if Geiszler would mention their dream, their conversation about Alice and the Red King. Instead Newt’s voice came back flat and dispassionate.

    “I’m done with your coat. You better take it before I get guts on it.”

 

     “Please Dr. Gottlieb. Have a seat.”

Hermann looked around the psychiatrist’s tiny office with an unfriendly sniff and rubbed his thumb over the top of his cane.

     “How long will this take? I have many things to do and find myself short of time as it is.”

The psychiatrist was a woman. Pretty, dark-skinned and nauseatingly young. She was somewhere in her late twenties and had the unmistakable quality of trying to be casual in a job that should have called for professionalism.

     “Only a few minutes Doctor. I promise please. Sit down.”

He stood a moment longer in the doorway before sitting formally in the farthest chair he could from her.

     “My name is Dr. Esther Sendak, I’m a Drift psychiatrist and neurologist. I specialize in helping pilots through problems they might experience because of neural bonding… I tried to contact you a year ago actually. You and Dr. Geiszler’s case has been particularly fascinating to me…”

Gottlieb cut her off eyes narrowing, voice curt and very cold.

   “I do not enjoy psychiatrist’s Dr. Sendak. I do not enjoy evaluations and I would like to lay out some ground rules before we begin this.  I will not speak about Geiszler. I will not speak about my ex-wife. I will find the shapes of things in your inkblots and continue with more important work.”

He ground his teeth as she jotted down something on her notepad.

   “Ah yes now I’m sure you are saying how unpleasant I am in your little book.”

She just smiled a little not raising her eyes up to look at him.

   “Very well we will not talk about anything you feel uncomfortable talking about. Let’s start simple. I have your physical results here.”

Sendak raised a manila envelope and shook it slightly brushing hair from her eyes.

   “The good news is that your body is in fine shape aside from your leg and hip. The bad news is your heart rate is elevated and your blood pressure is too high. For a pilot hypertension can be very deadly. These things don’t seem to be caused by physical problems and I think it’s safe to assume its stress. So, let’s talk about how you deal with stress.”

Hermann found himself bouncing his good leg, it reminded him uncomfortably of Newton and he stopped.

    “Deal with it? This was never an issue when I was working in the science divisions at the other Shatterdomes…”

    “You were never a Ranger in the other Shatterdomes Doctor. You aren’t used to that idea yet are you? I heard you and Dr. Geiszler are scheduled for a test in Occam in two weeks. Excited?”

He glowered down at his shoes shoulders bowed and scrunched up tight.

    “Ecstatic.”

    “Scared to drift again?”

He stared icy daggers at her and she held up her hands apologetically.

   “I would be too. The agency really hasn’t been fair to you and Newton in all this. You’re an exception to every rule in the pilot guidelines. But I have to admire your bravery.”

   “I don’t want to pilot.”

   “Then why are you doing it?”

Gottlieb looked around the room ears burning, looking anywhere but Sendak.

   “You agreed not to speak about Geiszler.”

    “We weren’t…we were speaking about you piloting, but I take it to mean your piloting because of him?”

    “He asked me. I came here because he asked me too. He did not tell me why. His letter simply stated he needed my help.”

    “Then you’re a very good friend Dr. Gottlieb.”

Hermann felt his mouth turn dry and his leg started to bounce again reflexively. She was manipulating him somehow and he couldn’t even see which direction she had attacked from.

   “I’m not. I had nothing to hold me in Munich…that’s all.”

She wrote something else down and stood. The young woman poured some tea and offered him a fragrant cup. He accepted it grudgingly, sipping at the earl grey slowly to savor it. It was very good, better than any he had been able to get his hands on.

   “Back to the stress…how have you been sleeping? Hypertension and lack of sleep can walk hand in hand.”

He sighed heavily and took another long drink of his tea, debating if he should lie. He had not been sleeping well and woke with lingering nightmares. 

   “Fine. I’ve been sleeping very well.”

  “I know we’re not speaking of him but I think you would find it interesting that before you came here Dr. Geiszler was suffering from severe night terrors. Have you ever had them Dr. Gottlieb?”

   “No.”

Another lie, he had suffered night terrors for months after the end of the war. He still did but he barely remembered them when waking now. The terrors were the subject of some of his rare fights with Vanessa. She had told him to seek help then and he had ignored her. Sendak probably knew he was lying, if Newt had all these things she could safely assume he had as well.

   “Well that’s very fortunate. I guess Dr. Geiszler just suffered the worst of it after drifting twice.”

   “Yes…I suppose he did.”

She wrote more notes in her book sipping her own tea. He exhaled impatiently scrutinizing her various degrees nicely framed on the metal wall.

    “Why did you enter the K-science division Doctor? If I may ask a personal question, I’ve followed you and Dr. Geiszler and Dr. Vess for years. The others I could see entering for the thrill or glory of it…but you strike me as a quiet, private person. “

Gottlieb examined the carving on his cane carefully.

    “Why study the brains of pilots Dr. Sendak? Why write a poem or have a child. Survival I suppose…leaving a legacy, even after you are dead.”

She seemed dissatisfied with this and leaned over to refill his teacup.

   “Yes…I suppose that makes sense...”

   “But I did it to prove I wasn’t a worthless crippled invalid.”

She looked up surprised and he wrapped his hands around his cup letting it warm his skin.

Sendak stared at him intently making no move to use her notebook this time, when he said nothing more she smiled and flipped through a large file she had placed close to hand on her desk.

   “Newton tried medication for his hypertension and anxiety. But it didn’t work very well at first. He made a valiant attempt at meditation, but he just doesn’t have the attention span for it. I had a good idea what part of the problem was and attempted an experiment…I found several lectures of yours that some student had recorded and posted online. Dr. Geiszler began listening to them before going to sleep or when he felt a panic attack coming. And you know Dr Gottlieb. It worked like magic. His stress symptoms started to ease and the medication did its job. It is difficult to balance all those pills. Between anxiety and Bipolar disorder, but I do believe he still listens to your lectures and it calms his brain enough to be receptive to treatment… Finding some similar solution for you would be ideal.”

Hermann set the teacup down hard and drew in a sharp self-conscious breath.

    “I guess I can bore anyone to death if I try hard enough. Are we done here Dr. Sendak?”

She considered him and nodded slowly.

   “I feel it would be in your best interest to begin treatment for the hypertension and come to see me at least twice a week. I don’t feel you’re prepared mentally for the test. We can discuss things like breathing exercises as a start…”

Gottlieb stood.

   “And if I refuse?”

   “Then I can’t let you pilot.”

He was about to open his mouth to give a very spiteful reply when a buzzer went off in the hall and they both turned surprised by it. It sounded startlingly similar to the Kaiju alarm on the Ontario. Hermann felt his blood turn cold and shaking slightly he opened Sendak’s door, staggering out into the hall.

 

Doctor Sendak followed him but he barely noticed, her office was located on the Ranger’s dormitory floor and they could hear footsteps racing down the hall. Gottlieb was unsure what to do and he shouting to be heard over the noise.

   “What is this? Should we get to the LOCCENT deck? Is there a procedure?”

She looked at him and was about to reply when a heavy hand grabbed his shoulder and he turned to see Harry Archer’s concerned face. The man grunted and Honey Parker grabbed Hermann’s hand.

   “Come on Doc! We gotta beat feet! There’s an attack going down!”

He was shoved in the small wave of pilots, losing sight of the psychiatrist in the fray. He scanned the crowd for the Whateleys but couldn’t spot them. Honey helped support him and Harry half dragged half lifted him into the elevator.

   “A Kaiju Miss Parker? Where? Has a Jaeger been deployed?”

A short, stocky young man turned to look up at him. He was one of the pilots of the Frost Potemkin if Gottlieb recalled correctly, the Russian clean-up Jaeger.

   “We deploy the Rebel Samson. The attack is closer to us so we reach faster than Fortress Two. Kaiju spotted on coast of Alaska. Samson deployed hours ago but…Kaiju just now attacking land”

He nodded, The Rebel Samson was supposedly the best of the new marks housed in Fortress One. He wondered dimly if they used any of his original coding in its construction.  The elevator plunged down towards the Hangar and Hermann thought of Geiszler. He had left him alone in the lab with his music blaring, was he aware of the alarm? He would more than likely meet up with him in the control center. Honey smacked her gum nervously and there were quiet rumblings all around him in several different languages. Gottlieb turned to the Russian man again as he seemed affable enough.

   “Are we going to the LOCCENT bridge?”

    “Da. We watch there. All pilots allowed to seeing Live- feed.”

 

The Bridge was much bigger than the one in the Hong Kong shatterdome, people walking back and forth speaking in harried voices. All around him was the glow of familiar computer set ups showing pilot vitals and visual feedback. Hermann found the most quiet out of the way corner he could and pushed his back to the wall slowly sinking down to sit on the floor. He had a good view of a television screen with the news blaring, it was muted but he could make out the captions on the bottom. The Kaiju had made landfall in the middle of nowhere. Some tiny place called Naknek on the coast of Alaska. The news cut to a reporter in a helicopter hovering high above a blank expanse of ocean. In the distance the massive hump of the Kaiju’s back appeared, it was white.

   “Kotick…”

Hermann murmured under his breath as he realized it was the Kaiju he and Geiszler had “spoken” to that night on the Ontario. The Whateley twins slid down to sit on either side of him and Gottlieb barely noticed them until Howard spoke.

   “It’s attacking a salmon canning factory. Isn’t that weird? It’s mostly just eating, not really destroying anything.”

Gottlieb shook his head, it wasn’t strange at all.

   “He’s starving. I knew they would go landward for food eventually…all the evidence pointed to it.”

They all watched as the white monster smashed the large factory to pieces. Reaching wiggling blue tentacles into the farthest reaches and using its tongue to suck up the remnants like a butterfly feeding from a flower. The spectacle seemed more sad to Hermann then terrifying.

The Rebel Samson was dropped with an intense splash by the helicopters carrying it only thirty minutes later. By the time it had reached the cannery the Kaiju was done with the main building and was crunching open a storage warehouse. The Samson, unlike the other Fortress One Jaegers, was built only for fighting and it showed. Its Pilots, Mi-Suk and Ho-jin Sineui, were a husband and wife team from South Korea that Gottlieb had seen in the commissary a few times but never spoken to.  Kotick didn’t pay the Jaeger the slightest bit of attention when it landed and went into a fighting stance. He was licking the inside of the storehouse like a dog with its nose in a jar of peanut butter. A strange thought rose in Gottlieb’s mind…and under his breath he muttered in German.

     “<Swim….swim away before they get to you….>”

The shining red Jaeger moved slowly towards the white Kaiju and Hermann could hear a technician at a nearby console giving the pilots advice on the best way to initiate contact. Kotick had moved on to a fishing boat breaking it open easily with one of his smaller clawed arms to lap at the fish inside, seemingly oblivious to the Samson at his back. Gottlieb felt his throat tighten… his heart start to hammer against his ribs, he looked around frantically but couldn’t see Geiszler anywhere.

Kotick was a larger category II but the Samson was more than a match in terms of size. The Mech lifted up a heavy arm and a curved scythe-like blade formed from its wrist glowing so hot steam rose from it as it touched the water. Charging at full speed The Rebel Samson slashed across the back of the feeding Kaiju’s neck, dragging the blade down its broad back. The heat of the weapon cauterized the wound, burning even as it bit deep into Kotick’s flesh. Hermann arched his back and screamed feeling it slice through his skin and burn into his muscles. The pain was indescribable; he dropped his cane and howled in agony. A heavy blow hit his jaw and he dropped convulsing to the ground.

   <STOP!...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! STOP PLEASE!>

Sonia grabbed his wrists bewildered and wild eyed. She grappled with him trying to hug him but he pushed at her clawing wildly.

   “Hermann! Whats wrong?! What is it?”

Half the LOCCENT Bridge stared mutely, unsure what to make of the doctor’s bizarre fit. There were more blows to his face and he felt the searing metal cut through his nose and eye. He screamed again, just gibberish…more begging in German. Sergeant Joyce ran over hissing to the twins.

   “Get him out of here! Get him to the infirmary and have him sedated!” 

Hermann opened his eyes slowly, they glowed an unearthly luminous blue. Even Howard and Sonia took a step back as Gottlieb turned his gaze on them.  He moaned deep in his chest taking rattling pained breaths.

   “Newton…”

 The Samson struggled as Kotick tried to wrap his long tail around its body, teeth buried in its shoulder.  The Scythe stabbed over and over into the thick fat and muscle of the Kaiju’s neck splattering blue gore and Hermann felt every moment of it. He opened his mouth as Kotick roared in agony, he screamed with the Kaiju until his throat went raw. There was a blow across his head so hard he saw flashes of deep white…then mercifully….nothing at all.

 


	6. Prime Numbers and Bad Advice

_He is hurt. He is under the water trailing spirals of glowing blue blood. The monster has hurt him badly. He cannot see or smell right and not even the silence or the soothing cold can help. He calls out, sending out distress calls into the black water begging for help from his brothers within the hive. In the distance he thinks he can hear an answer and in his mind he feels them. He is dying. He must get home…he must get the food back to the fissure before he dies. The little voice had tried to warn him…he had not listened.  He lets out another echoing distress cry along with feelings of pain into the connection and as he does blood bursts from his damaged throat. He continues through the dark…and is afraid._

 

     “Your insane! This is all insane! You saw what happened and now you want to PUSH UP the test? Do you want to kill them?! They’re people Joyce not machines!”

Hermann looked dazedly at the people surrounding him, not really seeing them at all. All these people were screaming at each other and it was about him, him and Geiszler. The flood of pain dampening drugs clouded his brain. It felt like his head was stuffed with cotton. What was so important…what was so important about him and Newton that all these people were fighting? The Whateley twins were standing at the foot of his infirmary bed protectively, like loyal sentries he neither wanted nor deserved. The psychiatrist was there. She was a very tall woman and she was right in Sergeant Joyce’s face, completely unafraid.

    “We didn’t kill it. It ran away, and it’s trailing an eco-disaster with it. This is a catastrophe Dr. Sendak, the public knows they are back now. Paranoia and mass violence is a certainty unless we can find the Kaiju. We can only track within a limited range. Fortress II is also trying to find it but…Geiszler could find it faster in the drift.”

Esther Sendak took a step back until she was standing squarely between the twins her chin raised and her arms folded.

   “You’re so sure he could find another one. He said himself it was a fluke the last time. Not to mention the side-effects of that drift…”

Gottlieb tried very hard to focus on their words, tried desperately to hear them over the fog of morphine. Kotick was alive, he gathered that much, and was horrified when he felt…relief. Sonia Whateley spoke her teeth bared doglike at Joyce.

     “Newt hasn’t even restarted training with Nita yet…and Hermann is improving but…”

      “You two and the Melero’s are no longer in charge of the science team’s training. Soon enough you will be deployed on your own missions and will have no time for it.”

     “What?!”

The twins spoke in unison charging forward at once. Esther raised her arms out to either side catching them both midstride.

    “Then who is?”

    “I am putting Balor Flood in charge of…”

Sonia Whateley charged at him and Howard had to grab her around the waist to stop her from grabbing Joyce by the collar.

    “That fucking psychopath!? He still hates Newt for what happened before! We saw him knock Hermann down! He’s a cruel little asshole and he’ll hurt them on purpose!”

Joyce looked tired and he removed his cap running his hands through his thinning hair. Gottlieb felt a dull stab of fear at the thought of being trained by Flood but he couldn’t find his voice, couldn’t speak.

    “You and the other pilots can’t coddle them forever Whateley. If they are going to be rangers they are going to have to be treated in the same way as the others. Just because they are a special case doesn’t mean we handle them with kid gloves. Dr. Sendak I want you with Flood at all times during their training sessions as a chaperone. We need them suited up and driving Occam as soon as possible. Have I made myself understood?”

The psychiatrist gave him an intense frown and when she spoke she pronounced every syllable, carefully controlling her anger.

    “I disagree strongly with this course of action sir. Gottlieb is too stressed and Geiszler still hasn’t fully come to grips with Patrick’s death. Not to mention they are not….synching correctly. And now on top of it we have no idea how this connection to the Kaiju will affect them while in a Jaeger…”

    “We don’t have time for this…Geiszler wants….”

Hermann pushed deep and finally found the strength to sit up. He struggled, a deep pain erupting behind his left eye. The fighting stopped as they all looked over at him.

    <”where is Newton…please I would like to see Newton now…”>

He was surprised when the psychiatrist lay her hand briefly on his leg and spoke to him in concise German.

     <”I know. He’s in his room. He’s asleep right now. You should be sleeping too.”>

     <”I do not understand what has happened. Did it happen to Newton too? Is he hurt?>

Joyce frowned walking closer to the infirmary bed.

     “What is he saying? Is it about the Kaiju?”

Esther didn’t answer him. She gave him a stern look before kneeling, bringing her face level with Gottlieb’s.

     <”Do you remember Kotick and the Rebel Samson? You and Newt both felt the fight. But for some reason it struck you harder. Dr. Geiszler was in the S-lab and he felt a milder form of the pain you experienced. He’s doing very well but I believe having you physically close could cause the connection and the pain to intensify for him…like a feedback loop.”>

Hermann blinked under the blanket of drugs. It took several moments to decipher her words and when he finally thought he understood he nodded slowly. Sonia pushed him gently backwards into a pillow.

   <”That is good to know. Thank you.”>

   <”You’re experiencing Drift shock Dr. Gottlieb. A hyper- intensive form of phantom pain, if you get some sleep you will feel much better. I’m going to do something now that I’m sure will embarrass you severely later but …for the moment.”>

He heard her mumbling garbled voice say something to Joyce and he blinked owlishly staring at his hands. Sonia hugged him carefully, pressing her face into his neck. She smelled like sweat and her eyes were wet on his skin. Howard had a firm hand gripping his shoulder. The psychiatrist clipped something to the metal rail of his sickbed. Hermann stared at it, trying to decipher what it was with the gooey remnants of his brain.

     <”It’s a baby monitor. The other half is next to Newton. You can hear him.”>

There was the distinct sound of breathing coming through the little white box. Every once in awhile it would snort an there would be a hint of snoring. It was a sound often heard on the messy side of the lab and now Gottlieb found it incredibly soothing. The tension melted out of his body and he realized how heavy his eyelids were.  It felt good to forget Kotick for the moment…forget Balor Flood and Occam’s razor. He heard the buzzing voices rising up and up as he sank down beneath black water.

 

     “Attack ‘im! Don’t jus dance around ‘im! Attack!”

Gottlieb took a step back from Newton leaning on his wooden staff heavily. He was supposed to be using it as a weapon but they had taken his cane away and he was having difficulty supporting himself. Geiszler kept turning to look at Balor incredulously holding his own staff in front of him. He tapped lamely at Hermann’s staff every once in awhile to keep up appearances. Newt pushed his glasses up his nose and called over to Balor. The little man was pacing the side of the training floor watched critically by the tall dark figure of Dr. Sedak. She stood scrutinizing every move they made, clipboard in hand.

     “This isn’t fair! I can’t do this to Hermann! Can’t we just go back to the simulator?”

     “Yeh did eh fine with afor with Sean!”

Newton threw out his arms gesturing wildly and stammering on three replies at once.

     “I…just….WHAT…come on!”

Gottlieb looked pleadingly at Esther but she was avoiding his eyes.

   “The cripples nae even trying! Jus standing there like a blind turkey! ATTACK EM!”

Newton winced and looked at Hermann apologetically.

   “Dude…I am so sorry about this…”

Gottlieb just narrowed his eyes and waited the anger burning hot in his stomach. He narrowly dodged a blow meant for his shoulder and ducked down. With one fluid stroke he used his own staff to sweep Newton clean off his feet. Geiszler looked up at him from the ground blinking rapidly in surprise before he started to laugh.

    “That…was…AWESOME.”

    “Yes...well. Point to me then.”

     “AWESOME point to you!”

Newt got to his feet and started to circle again, Gottlieb watched his moves and ran the probabilities through his head. He debated the chance of him attacking high, the odds of him going for a limb. The connection made it easy. He dodged when Newton tried to clip his good knee bringing his staff down low and leaning his weight on it. He pulled his chest back and with a huge effort swung the front of the staff forward to smack Newton on the neck.

  “Nice job there Gimpy! Yah got em on the ropes! You gonna let him do that ya inky idiot? Yeh gotta lay at least one hit on em!”

Newt panicked and Gottlieb could feel that his partner feared Balor as much as he did. He swung haphazardly and Hermann turned on his good heel avoiding him with ease. He slid his staff forward to give Geiszler a satisfying smack on the top of the head.

      “Ahhh! Jesus Hermann! That really stings! How the hell are you are you doing that without moving!?”

     “You are wasting your energy dancing about Newton. Your movements are very easy to predict.”

     “Oh yeah…predict …THIS!”

Newton charged at full speed, lifting his staff out in front of him. Hermann raised an eyebrow and took a small step to the side. Almost casually he leaned out the staff, tripping Geiszler as he barreled past. Newton, propelled by his own momentum, did an impressive somersault and ended up on his back staring at the ceiling. Hermann slowly limped over to him, smirking down into his face.

     “Victory to me.”

Newton punched his fist into the air.

    “Awesome.”

Balor snorted angrily, stumping towards them.  Grabbing Newt’s staff from the ground where it had dropped from his hand, he brought the blunt end down hard on Newton’s stomach knocking all the air from his body. Geiszler curled into a gasping quivering ball. Gottlieb felt the pain in his own stomach and he turned angrily on Balor. The little man put Newt’s staff out in a defensive stance.

   “Tha piss yeh off? Nah like when I do this to yer boyfriend then?”

He brought the staff down with a hard crack against Newton’s shins.

   “Wha ya gonna do bout it Gimp?”

Hermann could feel his nostrils flaring and his cheeks blistering a bright red.

   “Ain’t gah those two twin bodyguards around now eh? Nobody gonna come an help ya out. Jus you an ‘im in a Jeager.”

   He lunged to bring the staff down on Newt’s crotch and Hermann shoved his own staff out nearly toppling over to block him. Newton stared down at the crossed staff’s eyes wide and rolled his body over crawling to get out of the way. Balor ignored him…his watery red-rimmed eyes were focused on Hermann now. He pulled his weapon close, moving back into a defensive stance while Gottlieb tried to find his balance.

   “Ah knew yeh’d go out ah yer way to save that part eh?”

Hermann had never been so angry that he couldn’t speak before. It was a completely new feeling. Usually he could always find some biting jab or dry remark but now he had nothing…just rage so hot his vision seemed to go dark at the edges with it.  He heard Sendak’s voice from the sidelines as she helped Newt to his feet.

    “Flood...making him lose control isn’t helpful…”

    “Nah..les see what eh can actually do.”

Gottlieb realized somewhere under the red haze of anger that he had gone completely stupid with emotion. He could barely even remember simple multiplication tables. Taking a very deep breath he tried to think like a person again. Then Balor started to laugh and it all narrowed to three thoughts. There…strike...now. He pushed all his weight to his good leg and swung the staff around like a baseball bat. He aimed right at Balor’s head, jaw clenched and eyes burning.  There was a painful reverberation through his fingers when Flood blocked his blow.

    “Nah…not even close. Try again. Ain’t no babysitters were yer goin. Yer a fuckin Ranger yeh act like one! Yeh fight your own battles an you do it hard! Yeh ignore the pain!”

   Balor pushed Hermann’s staff away and spotted an opening. He jabbed quickly hitting through Gottlieb’s jumpsuit and deep into the muscle of his bad hip. The pain barely seemed to register through the adrenaline and Hermann plowed forward bringing his staff down hard on Balor’s collarbone. They both fell to the ground at the same time and lay there panting.

   “Hah…I felt that...Got a good hit in there fairy..”

Gottlieb pushed himself up onto his knees grabbing for his staff. Dragging his bad leg he crawled to Balor and pressed the weapon down hard across the man’s windpipe. Flood laughed spraying spit up into his face, his breath was so heavy with nicotine Gottlieb could taste the tar in his lungs. He gurgled, gasping for air as Hermann started to press the staff down.

   “Whatcha gonna do schoolboy? Gonna choke me? Gonna KILL me?”

Hermann looked at his own shaking hands. Tears began to roll unbidden down his paling cheeks and his grip went nerveless.  He leaned backwards all the fury draining quickly from his lanky body.

    “This isn’t...I’m …I’m a mathematician.”

Gentle hands took the staff from Hermann and Newton pulled him to his feet. Esther Sendak stood over Flood but didn’t offer him the least bit of help.

    “I think you deserved that Balor. You taunted them and you got what you deserved.”

Balor just smiled all yellow teeth and choking laughter.

     “I gah what I wanted. Took awhile buh I gah em to fight.”

    “Well that’s just wonderful. I’m glad your pleased with yourself. Did you mean for him to break your collarbone too? What an ingenious plan.”

Flood sat up reaching to touch where his collarbone was already swelling. Hermann looked at it a moment in horror realizing that it was his fault. He leaned over and found himself throwing up the muffin and tea he had managed to eat for breakfast. Newton patted his back helplessly as he let loose all over the tatami training mats.

    “Ahh…man Hermann. There’s some janitor that’s not gonna thank you for that…”

He gave a sympathy retch but held his own food down rubbing his hand soothingly up and down Hermann’s back. Gottlieb could hear Sendak and Balor arguing again and let Newton sit him down on a metal bench propped against a wall full of mounted weapon racks.

   “Hey Dude…don’t cry over that fuck…he doesn’t deserve it.”

   “<It is not him…it is…me. I abhor being violent…It is not who I am I am a scientist…>”

Newt hesitated before putting a warm arm around Hermann’s shoulders and leaning in close to him. He spoke low, voice fast and confident.

   “<You’re not violent. You’re a scientist yeah, but even scientists have to kick a little ass occasionally right? It doesn’t change who you are…>”

   “<Does it not?…What if the Kaiju are changing us?…the Kaiju…>”

   “<No man. No your Hermann Gottlieb and that’s not changing. You’re just adapting that’s what animals do. Sometimes it’s hard…but we do it to survive. Four days of training like this can make anybody go a little crazy.>”

Gottlieb nodded feeling a bit better. He wiped at his eyes roughly annoyed that he let his emotions get the best of him.

    “<Seriously though. That was amazing. You totally went ninja on him. My junk and I owe you.>”

Hermann couldn’t help himself, he snorted and smiled trying not to laugh.

    “<Hah. I got you. That’s a point for me.>

    “No training for them tomorrow. This has been quite enough. They need a day to rest.”

Balor stamped over and pulled a pack of cigarettes from his laptop bag. He struggled, putting one in his mouth and lighting it with one hand.

    “Aye. Fine. But the day after they’ll be having their first run in tha Razor. They did fine enough in the dual simulator an the lil bastard remembers how eh all goes. I need ta make sure the three legged rig I set up is workin…they need ta drift in a real rig.”

Sendak leaned in close and Gottlieb had to listen hard to catch what she was saying.

   “I’m beginning to think this is revenge Flood. I’m beginning to think you really are trying to kill someone. This brutality is not going to bring your nephew back.”

Balor bit the end of his cigarette and looked at her with such hate Hermann was amazed she didn’t spontaneously combust.

   “Day after tomorrow. They can ‘andle it. And if they can’t no trainin is gonna fix it so they can. Now ifn er ladyship will pardon me. I’ve got ta get myself ta the infirmary.”

Flood waddled out holding a hand to his shoulder and streaking foul smelling smoke after him as he went.

 

   “The last pilot was…”

Newt pulled his arm back from Hermann’s shoulders, pupils dilating slightly. Bunching up his muscles Newt stared straight ahead.

  “Sean Patrick Flood. Yeah…that’s how he got the job in the first place. Balor never wanted me to be his drift partner…he always wanted Sean to pilot…he trained him and everything. I was the intruder….And…and then…”

Sendak walked over with a heavy sigh, looking down at them both with her arms crossed.

   “Boys…I’m so sorry. I’m trying but I guess the first test has to be day after tomorrow.”

Newton gave a nervous laugh and started to bounce his leg wildly, a sheen of sweat appearing on his forehead.

   “Nah coach its fine put us in we’re ready! We’re not just a couple of bench warmers!”  
The psychiatrist sank down slowly and put her hand on Newton’s leg to still it.

   “Dr. Geiszler…Are you having a panic attack?”

He swallowed hard and Gottlieb felt his own chest begin to tighten… his lungs seized and his heart began to do a fine impression of a drunk hummingbird. Newton was laughing shrill and hysterical.

     “No…no I’m fine! It will be great! Getting back in Occam just like last time right!?”

Newt touched the damaged part of his face, his throat constricting so tightly the laughing stopped.  Hermann had never felt a panic attack through the connection like this. It was overwhelming. A crushing pressure and an utter certainty that he and Newt were both going to die.

    “Balors right! I’ll do it again...I’ll fuck it up! I always fuck it up!”

Sendak stood and hissed worriedly through her teeth.

     “Dr. Gottlieb please try and keep him calm…I’m going to get a sedative. I’ll be right back…”

Hermann watched her run out of the training gym bemused, struggling to get his breath He felt tremors pulsing through Newton’s skin and wrapped his arms around him tightly hugging him close. Newt didn’t hug him back as much as cling to him like a drowning man clinging to a life preserver.

     “Newton are you listening? …Prime numbers Newton. Let me tell you about the untold wonders of prime numbers. At the beginning of the number line we find an abundance of prime numbers…of the first ten numbers we can count a staggering forty percent are prime…that would include two, three, five and seven…however this pattern changes once we reach numbers of ten digits of which only four percent are prime. With digits that consist of one hundred digits the break between numbers that are prime is an average of two-hundred and thirty digits…”

Newt’s body un-tensed slightly the shaking became less violent.

     “Some of the most ancient of unsolved mathematic problems are connected to prime numbers …the Goldbach conjecture is a personal favorite of mine, it states that every even number is the sum of two primes…”

The smaller man took shallow breaths and spoke in a wheezing strained voice.

    “The...the prime numbers lecture?”

     “Would you prefer another lecture? I did not know if there was one you particularly enjoyed.”

Newt’s body shivered and his skin burned. He sank his nails past Gottlieb’s jumpsuit and deep into his skin, fingertips numb and palms sweaty. Hermann could feel Newt’s heart fluttering rapid and arrhythmic where their chests pressed together. Could feel the racing thoughts and dread in his own head.

     “No…no go on…”

     “Very well…let’s move on to the fascinating concept of twin primes…”

Dr. Sendak dashed back in huffing and out of breath. She trailed an older man Gottlieb didn’t know. He was broad, barrel-chested and had an impressively thick moustache. The psychiatrist didn’t mince words she kneeled still panting and opened up a plastic case to reveal a set of syringes. Grabbing Newton’s arm she looked desperately for a vein amid the jumble of tattoos. He didn’t respond just stared ahead unblinking and gasping for breath.

    “Please don’t stop Dr. Gottlieb I didn’t mean to interrupt…this is just some Bretazenil

Dr. Geiszler…you remember what happens when I give it to you…”

Hermann hesitated having difficulty swallowing, his mouth bone-dry. Sendak gave him a meaningful look and he cleared his throat.

   “There are two related conjectures, interestingly both of them are named the twin prime conjecture although they differ in fundamental ways. The first version of twin prime conjecture proposes that there are an infinite number of pairs of twin primes. But this is still unknown….”

   The needle bit as it went in. Almost instantly Newton’s grip on him started to loosen, his ragged breathing calming. Sendak pulled him carefully out of Gottlieb’s arms and gestured the mustached man over.

     “Thank you Mr. Zorya…can you just carry him up to his room and make sure he’s comfortable? Dr. Gottlieb this is Ivan Zorya I’m not sure if you’ve met, he and his son Alyosha are the Pilots of the Frost Potemkin.”

     “We not meet yet but I hear of you.”

Hermann looked up into the man’s rough friendly face. Newton was groggy now and the anxiety was lifting.

    “Good to er…meet you Mr. Zorya.”

The Russian scooped Newton up like he weighed nothing at all. In the man’s bulky arms Geiszler looked very young and very small.

     “I see …you do to Balor? Eh? “

Ivan nodded with his head toward his own collarbone.

     “You do that eh? Haha! You more dangerous then you look, you and little doctor. Much respect.”

Newton muttered something and Dr. Sendak patted his shoulder.

     “Mr. Zorya is taking you to your room Newton. Dr. Gottlieb will join you in a moment alright?”

 The Russian Ranger turned and Hermann looked around for his cane so he could follow. Sendak retrieved it from the wall for him, wrinkling her nose as she narrowly avoided stepping in the puddle of vomit he had left on the mats. She stopped, holding him down on the bench.

    “We’ll catch up to them…I want to talk to you for just a second Dr. Gottlieb.”

He frowned and looked after Ivan Zorya’s rapidly disappearing figure uncomfortably.

    “He’ll be fine, that stuff will just knock him out for awhile. This isn’t the first time this has happened. What you did was very smart, probably prevented the attack from being much worse.”

     “I just recalled what you had told me earlier…about the lectures.”

   Sendak sat on the bench next to him and handed him his cane. Gottlieb took it turning to face her. He felt loopy, the usually hectic Newton connection in his brain had suddenly gone fuzzy and numb…he decided he disliked it. 

    “I have a strange request to make of you Dr. Gottlieb. It seems you do not spend time with Dr. Geiszler outside of work. You actively avoid him I’ve noticed.”

    “Considering we work together nearly twenty hours at a time I don’t see why that is strange…”

    “Tomorrow, spend all day with him. Absolutely no work…don’t even TALK about work. Do something FUN.”

He fiddled with his cane and looked around the training gym taking a deep breath through his nose.

    “…Are you…being serious Doc-“

    “I am being deadly serious.”

Her dark eyes searched his and she spoke in that carefully constructed psychiatrist voice he had come to know all too well.

    “You two are not where you should be. He’s still blaming himself for everything and you…well...”

She shook her head.

    “Oh Dr. Gottlieb...both of you are such a mess. I’ve never met a more frustrating set of compatible people. “

 Hermann stared at the floor guiltily, unsure what to say at first then he finally shrugged.

   “You sound like every supervisor we’ve ever worked with.”

She laughed at that and brushed hair out of her eyes.

   “Tomorrow...just go and have fun with him. I am very sure it will do you and him a world of good and the test will go more smoothly if you are both cooperating and calm.”

He pushed himself upwards wincing from Balor’s blow to his hip.

   “Very well…if I must on Doctors orders then I must.”

She watched him and picked up her clipboard writing something down on it.

  “Oh and Dr. Gottlieb…let him pick where you go…remember I said to have fun.”

 

Newton stared at him a moment and then his face split into a half- smile.

    “Are you asking me on a date?”

Gottlieb pursed his lips and scowled trying to keep the color from flushing into his cheeks.

    “No. I am telling you what Dr. Sendak recommended to me after you had been drugged into nigh oblivion yesterday afternoon.  If I had my way we would be using this valuable time away from training to work in the lab but she does not believe it the best for our mental health.“

Geiszler started to laugh and turned waving Hermann into his room. 

    “I’m just giving you crap Hermann…Come In and I’ll just get my shoes on.”

    “I will be fine waiting here. The state of your room is appalling.”

    “Suit yourself…you look nice today. That a new sweater?”

Gottlieb frowned looking down at himself and zipped up his coat.

    “If you do not wish to go simply say so there is no cause to be cruel.”

Newt sat on his bed and tied his shoes humming and bouncing his leg. It was as if the whole manic episode the day before had never happened.

     “Cruel? Why do you always assume I’m making fun of you? I meant it! You look nice. You’re wearing jeans and everything. Your old man pants all in the wash? You even wore the shoes I gave you!”

     “I had hoped to appear…casual. You seem better today. “

    “Yeah. Sorry if I freaked you out yesterday. “

Hermann shrugged looking down at his cane.

     “It was an involuntary thing you had no control over.”

     “Yeah I was cursed with an overactive fight or flight response…I’ve been having attacks like that ever since I started skipping grades…hah come to think of it the two things are probably related.”

      “In our years together Geiszler I recall a few of said attacks but… it’s very different on the other side of them.”

Newton shut his door and looked at Hermann hands stuffed in his jacket pockets.

    “So? Where to? Volleyball on the beach? Round of golf at the club?”

Hermann looked down the dormitory hallway and back at Newt.

     “I…I have no idea.”

 Running a hand through his hair Newt thought it over.

   “Well…I know a place…but I’ve never actually been there. You know I’m not really the most popular dude in Fortress….and your probably a close second after what happened on the control bridge...not to mention the Ontario”

    “Ah…yes...That is true I suppose.”

   Hermann followed Newton as he started walking towards the elevator. He found himself walking even slower than usual, his hip and leg aching from the fight. Newt noticed and frowned pressing a floor button, pushing his glasses up his nose.

    “How bad did he get your hip? Did you take a pill or something?”

    “I did...we have both had our share of injuries in the past month…I will survive.”

The elevator ride was silent and Hermann was regretting this. He felt awkward and didn’t quite know what to say now that he was not supposed to talk about work. He looked over to see Geiszler watching him a little smile on the good side of his mouth.

     “What?”

    “Nothing…just thinking. How good it is you’re here. Even if you and I are getting beat up or yelled at most of the time.”

The elevator opened and Hermann followed Newton out into a seemingly empty corridor lined with wiring and metal poles. The place buzzed loudly with electricity and every few minutes a column of steam would blow down from dripping ceiling pipes. Newton looked around biting his bottom lip thinking.

     “Ok…I hope this is the right floor…I’m pretty sure it is…”

     “The right floor for…what?”

Newton walked along the hall a little ahead. He finally stopped in front of a blank wall between two wiring panels. Knocking on it three times Geiszler jumped back as the wall slid smoothly open. A woman sat in the mouth of the opening, the apparent guardian of a flight of metal stairs that disappeared downward. Spray painted on the wall above the stairs was a crude picture of a Kaiju that looked a bit like a cartoony Scissure. It was holding a mug of beer and wearing a bandana across its eyes. Underneath it were the words “The Blind Kaiju” in English and Japanese. The woman looked from one scientist to the other and frowned not recognizing either.

     “Cover is five bucks each. “

  Hermann walked forward a step.

     “Err...I have it madam...”

He handed her the money and she took out a blue felt-tip pen marking his hand with a large X.

Newton smiled getting his hand marked as well before he took Gottlieb’s arm to help him navigate the stairs.

    “I am glad the twins finally decided to pay me what was owed for the Drift games. Including the IOU…”

   “The twins adore you. They would have paid up eventually.”

There was no alcohol allowed in Fortress just as it wasn’t allowed in any other Shatterdome. It did not surprise Hermann that there was a speak-easy hidden on one of the maintenance decks. What did surprise him was how elaborate it was. Three worn pool tables lined one corner and near those sat a dartboard and a few rickety pin-ball machines. There was a small stage with a karaoke machine and long bar decorated with stained blue glass. Despite it barely being past noon many of the tables in the big bar were full. Gottlieb guessed they were nightshift mechanics who just wanted to watch something on one of The Blind Kaiju’s muted television sets.

    “It…probably isn’t wise for us to drink Newton. You still have sedative in your system and we both pilot tomorrow...”

     “Don’t remind me…one drink won’t hurt us. We can start with juice…work our way to beer. How about a game of pool? You ever play?”

     “I have watched others play.”

     “Go grab a table and I’ll order some Shirley Temples.”

Hermann gave him some money from his pocket and hobbled over slowly to the farthest pool table. The bar was pleasantly warm and he slipped off his coat hooking it over the back of a nearby chair. Newton found him and set down the drinks along with an impressively large plate of questionably fresh bar nachos. Newton stuffed some in his mouth and smiled cheese dribbling down his chin.

     “These are freaking delicious.”

Hermann picked one up daintily and sniffed it before taking a small bite. It was good.

    “Newton who told you about this place?”

    “The twins did. They were always trying to get me to come. But …I dunno, you know. Its better we came when it was empty.”

    “Yes...the twins. Their so called adoration of me is…baffling.”

    “Not really. I think you remind them of their brother.”

Newt began setting up the pool table picking out a cue and racking the balls.

    “Brother? So they are actually triplets? How horrifying to contemplate.”

    “Nah. He was their older brother. He was apparently a really smart guy, bookish. He died in the Karloff attack on Vancouver. Sonia told me that’s why they joined the academy. It reminds me of Tendo and his grandfather. I guess a lot of people join the PPDC to heal some hurt.”

Hermann felt a stab of sadness and considered this. It would explain why the Whateleys were so quick to defend him. He took a long sip of his drink wincing at the sweetness.

     “We’re going to play one-pocket you know how to do that?”

     “No…I”

     “Ok it’s really easy, basically that corner pocket is mine…and that one Is yours. The winner gets more balls into their pocket until they’re all gone. You can use strategy to either get balls into your pocket or block my shot…I’ll go first.”

Gottlieb watched as Newton lined up his cue and took his first shot. He managed to sink a ball into his corner grinning as he did.

     “You’ve played often?”

     “My band played a lot of shitty bars. Shitty bars usually have pool tables.”

     “I often forget about your musical background…”

Hermann almost added “but I dream of it on occasion” but stopped himself in time. He put his drink down and walked over to take his shot. After examined the position of the balls carefully and measuring the distance Gottlieb did some quick calculations in his head. Picking up the cue he struggled with it, holding it incorrectly until Newton slid his hands into the right positions.

He sank three balls on his first shot.

     “What? How!?”

     “This is a pure physics game Newton. It is all about trajectory which is simple to calculate.”

     “You can barely hold the cue!”

Hermann smiled at him sitting down to eat a few more nachos while Newton grumbled, lining up his shot. Gottlieb examined the browning cherry in his Shirley temple thoughtfully.

     “Geiszler I know we are not supposed to speak of work but I have barely gotten to converse with you during our training and I have a question that has been bothering me. I recall when I was in the infirmary…Joyce mentioned you could find the Kaiju faster than the PPDC. Sendak said it had been a fluke… What were they talking about?”

Newton stood up straight and looked around leaning on his cue. He debated a moment then shrugged speaking in a low voice.

     “Do you remember a Kaiju called Krueger? It appeared right before we moved to Hong Kong and destroyed the Hydra Corinthian near Panama City.”

Gottlieb shook his head slowly trying to recall the specific Kaiju.

     “Oh come on, you remember it.  I called it Edward Lizard-hands.”

    “Ah. Yes. Now I remember.”

He held up his hands flexing his fingers stiffly and Newton nodded.

    “Yeah that’s the one, the one with the really long slashing claws in front. Anyway...The Hydra self-destructed after a drawn out battle and all they found of Krueger was a foot and his tail. Well…when I…with Sean. I got flashes of the Hivemind very clearly and I knew that Krueger wasn’t dead and where he was.”

     “So…the heart in the tank?”

     “Yeah…Krueger’s.”

     “And they think you can do it again with Kotick. That is why the rush.”

Newton nodded and went back to his shot, he was trying to be nonchalant but Hermann could feel his muscles knotting up and quickly changed the subject.

     “If you hit that ball it’s just going to rebound into my pocket…”

 

Hermann realized he was slightly drunk. They had moved on to beer after the Shirley temples and he had ended up imbibing more then he intended to. The bar was beginning to get crowded and neither he nor Newt was sober enough to keep playing pool. Gottlieb stared up at the News playing soundlessly on the flat-screen trying to understand what he was seeing. A refugee camp in the center of the continental United States was trying to secede and become its own country. But that was so absurd…It had to be a mistake. He felt a pinch in his stomach and noticed Newton was shaking slightly staring at a group of people that had just entered the bar.

     “Can we go? Those guys don’t like me very much at all...yeah we should go.”

     “Who are they?”

      “Um…well they used to work as techs on Occam but not anymore…hah...yeah”  
Hermann frowned and nodded unsteadily grabbing his coat and putting it around Newt, throwing the fluffy hood over his face.

      “<lets sneak around …>

Newt grabbed for his hand but Hermann pushed him back.

     “<I think that would attract even more attention. It’s alright they haven’t seen you… let’s just leave.”>

They moved quietly through a crowd of off-duty mechanics towards the door. Hermann felt Newton’s fear in his chest and he cast a glance backwards as they made it to the exit. The groups of ex-Occam techs were all wearing the Samson’s colors now. They struggled tipsy on the stairs and emerged out into the cold of the corridor with long sighs of relief. Newt pulled the parka hood down and looked at him gratefully. When he was drunk he had a harder time with the lifeless part of his mouth. His words came out slightly slurred.

     “Thank you…that was close.”

Hermann disliked being drunk, it made it difficult to find his footing and worse…he found it harder to keep a lock on the connection with Geiszler. It kept getting away from him and he would suddenly experience a memory about playing guitar or dissecting a piece of Kaiju lung.

     “Where are we going now?”

     “Let’s…lets go to the hangar. It will be empty down there…it’s the hour between shifts.”

     “We…aren’t supposed to go to the lab.”

     “We’re not..Let’s  go see Occam.”

 

    They followed the green path slowly trying to avoid being seen. Thankfully Geiszler had been correct. The hangar was almost completely deserted. The dayshift was over but the night shift not yet awake. Gottlieb shivered, Newton still had his coat. It looked ridiculous on him much too long and too large in the shoulders. It was a good coat and he liked the way it smelled.  The way it smelled? No…that wasn’t right. That wasn’t his thought it was Newton’s. He rubbed at his temples, a pain just beginning to burn behind his left eye. He was sobering up but not fast enough.

     “Perhaps…it would be better…to call it an early night.”

    “Aww we’re almost there…”

They passed the Seawise Giant and Geiszler paused hiccupping despondently as he eyed the dark windows of Balor Flood’s work trailer.

    “..You…you don’t think he’s in there do you?”

    “I don’t know. I suppose I will have to knock.”  
Gottlieb leaned down, scouting about until he found a small chunk of metal. He tilted his body back and threw it at the construction trailer as hard as he could. It hit the siding with a loud bang and they both ducked behind a nearby mechanics shed waiting like guilty kids to see if Balor would come out shouting. After a moment of silence Newt reached down grabbing a bolt near his shoe and chucking it at the trailer. Just to be safe. There was a tinkle of breaking-glass as the bolt shattered the trailer’s biggest window. Hermann grabbed his shoulder yanking him back. They spoke in furious whispers waiting for the screaming to start in earnest.

     “Great aim Geiszler!” 

      “Oh shit! …he’s really gonna kill us now!”

There was no yelling. Just silence from the broken window. Slowly they both peered out, looked at each other. Hermann couldn’t help himself. He snorted then started to laugh. Newt blinked at him confused at first then he snickered too. They walked back onto the green path and by the time they reached Occam’s foot neither of them could breathe the laughter was so intense. Tears ran down Gottlieb’s face and Newt snorted holding the bruised part of his stomach Balor had nailed with his training staff the day before.

      “You broke….hahaha…his collarbone and I…. I broke his window….”

      “Is it…f..funny because hahaha we are intoxicated?”

       “I don’t know! Hahaha!”

They leaned against the soft rubber of Occam’s padded foot and sank down to sit on the metal edge of his heel. The hysterical laughter fading slowly until the both just sat basking in the afterglow of it, quiet and slightly booze-addled. Gottlieb looked up at Occam fondly and patted his foot.  Turning back towards Newton to say something he found the man’s face inches from his. Their noses collided and Newton pressed his crooked lips to Hermann’s clicking their teeth together. For a heartbeat it was like his brain was drowning in warm milk and chocolate chip cookies…then Gottlieb pulled his head back and pushed Newt away violently.

     “What the hell!…what are you doing?”

Newt looked confused reaching up to touch his mouth with a hand.

     “I…I thought.”

     “No! You didn’t think! Get the hell away from me!”

Gottlieb staggered away a few steps and Newton followed him eyes wide. He looked scared and Hermann felt panic rising vomit-like into his throat.

     “<Stop following me!>”

     “<Please! I’m sorry! I was just feeling really good and you were ….>”

     “<I obviously gave you the wrong impression!>”

     “<But you weren’t…I could feel…>”

Newt put a hand on his chest trying to say something that words couldn’t communicate.

Hermann stopped his face burning. Reaching forward he pushed Newt hard as he could. Geiszler went down hard, landing painfully on his elbows.

     “<well I felt NOTHING…I’m not...>

He trailed off flustered and breathless. Newton looked up at him his glasses skewed and his eyes tearing up. He spoke in a soft plaintive voice and there was no malice in it…only disappointment.

      “<I know your lying…>”

Gottlieb felt the booze and the anger fizzle in his brain and he ground his teeth. He wanted to hurt Newton so badly the man would never speak to him again. He wanted to run without limping and he wanted to tell him he was wrong. But he couldn’t do any of those things. Instead he turned and followed the green path back towards the elevator, saying nothing at all.

 


	7. Dreams in the Dark

   Gottlieb woke three hours before the test. He had not dreamed. His head felt silent for the first time in months. Cold pain radiated from his chest and it felt like his heart was pushing ice water through him. No matter how deep in the blankets he curled he could not get warm enough. In the brief seconds he had held the kiss with Newt there had been flashes of things. Little explosions of micro-memory and he tried to grip them…but It was like trying to grab the reflections of fish in murky water. He was always the one blocking the connection, now Newt was, and it was terrible. He watched his alarm clock as the minutes dragged by. How could they pilot like this? How had he ruined everything so quickly? He closed his eyes for just a second and when opened them again an hour had passed and there was a soft knocking on his door. Hermann sat on the edge of his bed but couldn’t find the strength to stand. An overwhelming wave of depression washed over him. It didn’t feel worth it to answer the door. A soft voice floated towards him from the doorway and miraculously it was one he was glad to hear.

    “Hermann? Cariño? Can I come in?”

He answered her from the bed his voice cracking slightly.

   “Please Mrs. Melero….please do.”

She opened the door quietly carrying a bundle in her arms. Somehow she looked older, more silver streaking her dark hair. Nita Melero looked as tired as he felt but her smile was warm. She set whatever was in her arms on his desk and silently walked over to sit close, embracing him tightly. He let her, closing his eyes and leaning his cheek on top of her head. They remained that way a long time neither speaking. She rocked him slowly back and forth and he wondered how much she knew…she always seemed to know everything.

      “I…I’m very glad you are here Mrs. Melero. I have missed you.”

They broke apart and she eyed him critically examining his face and hands.

      “I wouldn’t miss today. It is you and Newton’s day.”

She reached up a hand to the top of his head and squinted.

    “I thought so…I’ve come to give you a haircut. It’s getting so shaggy it will become irritating in your relay helmet.”

Hermann reached up and tugged at a handful of his own dark hair distractedly.

     “I had not thought of that…”

She stroked his cheek and gestured over to his desk.

     “Sit down. It won’t take long and then you can come to breakfast. Some of the other pilots want to wish you luck. We’ll be watching.”

He did as she told him, the metal chair was so cold he could feel it through his pajama bottoms and he shivered. He was wearing a thin white tank top and Mrs. Melero touched his bare arm.

     “You’ve built some muscle since you got here.”  
     “I doubt that…”

     “You have. You’ve been training for weeks…you would be surprised how much you have changed. Very handsome eh?”

He choked slightly but managed a nod.

      “Oh yes…I am famous for my good looks and impeccable charm.”

She patted one bony shoulder and started to comb out the hair now grown down past his ears.

      “Ah…Newton’s grows an inch a week I swear. I give him two trims a month but it just reappears the moment my scissors come away.”

She spoke cautiously and he felt her spray his hair with water ruffling it up to trim.

      “I heard you two were at The Blind Kaiju last night.”

      “It was a disaster.”

      “Cariño I’m sure that’s not the case.”

      “I pushed him down…”

She nudged his head forward and he felt the tickle of the scissors on the skin of his neck.

      “I didn’t mean too. He…he startled me and I was…upset”

      “This is what apologies are for.”

She paused and ran a gentle hand through his hair fluffing it.     

     “I cannot tell you what to do Hermann, you are an adult. I am just an old lady that has seen a lot in her lifetime. However, I can tell you this from my own experience…some people are easy to love and some are difficult. The difficult do not deserve love any less then the easy…but often they do not know how to accept it. Entiendes?”

Hermann closed his tired stinging eyes turning this over slowly, trying to come at it from different directions like he would a difficult equation.

     “You’re not old Mrs. Melero…”

    “Ah…days like today I feel very old.”

They were both quiet as she finished, brushing the cut hair from his shoulders and back. Hermann reached up and felt it while she searched for a mirror.

    “It is not quite like your old one…but close. I did not shave it in the back.”

     “Its fine Mrs. Melero…I am grateful for the help.”

Hermann stood slowly muscles stiff. His head ached slightly from the previous nights drinking but he didn’t think it would last. Mrs. Melero held out a soft oversized pair of dark green pants and a matching shirt. They were made of soft cotton and lined on the inside with something resembling felt. He took them and looked at her quizzically.

     “These are conductor scrubs. You wear them under your Drivesuit…but I would just wear them under your clothes first to get used to them. The full suit is going to be very tight and can pinch all over. Jaeger armor is not comfortable.”

After he took the scrubs Mrs. Melero reached into her jacket pocket. Rummaging around she pulled out a pack of shaving cream and brand new razor, placing them into Hermann’s outstretched hand.

     “This is just a tip from one pilot to the other. Hair gets caught easily and rubs against the conducting cloth.”

She gestured to the green material in his hands.

      “It sticks. When you pull it off the hair will rip out. Arms…legs …everywhere, the razor isn’t just for your face.”

Gottlieb winced.     

      “Oh…”

      “Mmhmm. It gets very hot in the Drivesuit too. You will need to drink a lot of water this morning or you will dehydrate. “

      “Its sounding better all the time…”

She smiled at him fondly the skin around her dark eyes crinkling into crow’s feet.

     “Shower and dress and I will meet you in the hall.”

 

   When Mrs. Melero guided him into the Rangers Commissary Hermann was surprised by the number of people waiting for him. The Whateley’s made room and he sat between them letting Nita fetch his breakfast. Across the table Nancy Archer winked at him and Honey Parker stuffed her face with a substance that was probably oatmeal. The kind Russian Ivan Zorya was laughing at some story Nancy had been telling the group. Hermann recognized his son Alyosha Zorya as the bulky young man who had spoken to him in the elevator during the Kotick attack. Neta Melero was sitting slightly apart from the other pilots, staring down at a tray of uneaten food. She was sporting a grotesquely swollen black eye, something taken from the mission no doubt. Her mother pressed an icepack gently to her face saying something to her worriedly in Spanish.

     “Its fine mama…”

Hermann took his tray from Mrs. Melero’s outstretched hands grimacing at the plate piled high with powdered eggs, freeze-dried bacon and toast. His stomach gurgled unhappily and even the smell made him gag. Mrs. Melero folded her arms and nodded to it.

     “Eat all of it. Piloting takes all your energy. You’ll regret it if you don’t eat.”

Howard and Sonia leaned in watching him pick at the eggs and saluted Nita smartly.

     “Leave it to use Mrs. M! We’ll make sure he licks the saucer clean!”

     “Not a crumb to be found!”

She raised an eyebrow and went back to the kitchen. Howard watched her to make sure she was out of view before he grabbed Hermann’s bacon and stuffed it in his mouth. Sonia followed suit with the eggs handing him a small silver flask.

     “You have to do the toast. Here…little hair of the dog, make you feel bit better.”

     “Nobody wants to eat before a first drive.”

Hermann looked around the table before taking a slug from the flask. It burned going down and he could barely tell what he had just swallowed…but it did ease the ache and some of the cold.

     “Has…Newton been to breakfast yet?”

Howard shook his head as he tried to chew on a tough bit of bacon.  

     “Nah. Mrs. M said he had a headache so she brought him breakfast and let him sleep in.”

Sonia finished the eggs and belched loudly gulping down her coffee just as Nita returned with a large glass of water and a mug of hot tea.

     “You drink both Hermann. Ah! Good at least you have an appetite.”

She nodded proudly to the nearly empty breakfast plate and sat next to her daughter fussing over her eye. A friendly clamor of noise and familiarity surrounded Gottlieb, washing over him. He looked at the pilots as he took his first gulp of water and nibbled at the dry toast. It should have made him feel good to be accepted. Instead he just felt terrible. Newton should have been here, they should have been together. Ivan Zorya chuckled and leaned across the table to slap his shoulder.

    “You excited? Is good you pilot eh? You and little Doctor!”

Hermann attempted to smile but it came out pale and nervous. He was already feeling short of breath and more than a little dizzy.

    “I am…unsure how to feel. It has come very quickly Mr. Zorya…”

He noticed Sonia’s arm move to circle his, clinging to him. She was staring ahead eyes clouded as if she was deep in some private memory. Her voice was small in Hermann’s ear.

     “We’ll be there. Nothing will go wrong.”

Alyosha stopped ogling Honey Parker long enough to grin at Hermann.

    “Be sure to piss before you put on suit. That is all you really need to remember.”

 

The twins walked him all the way to Occam’s ready-room at the edge of the Jaeger hanger. They looked more somber then Hermann had ever seen them. His Drivesuit and Newton’s were laid out waiting. The armor was smoky gunmetal grey with bright neon green trim and it gleamed dangerously in the harsh light.  Hermann held up his chest-plate and rubbed a thumb over his name engraved there. 

     “I guess we have to leave you here…”

     “We really weren’t supposed to come this far.”

     “But Mrs. M is bringing Newton so…”

      “It’s only fair you had an escort.”

Hermann sighed wearily and threw a rigid arm around each of the twins. He hugged them close, face tight and arms stiff. They squeezed him back looking at each other in surprise. Sonia rested her head on his shoulder and they both tried to keep their voices steady.

     “You call this a hug? This is terrible! You hug like a robot without an oil can.”  

     “You hug like a stop sign that suffers from social anxiety disorder.”

     “I’ve met metal poles more gifted at the art of hugging!”

   Gottlieb pushed them away and they let go of him reluctantly, noses scrunched up and eyebrows furrowed. The Whateley’s stared at him a moment more than saluted sharply and left without another word.

   Hermann set his cane against the changing bench and pulled off his shoes and slacks. First thing on was the circuitry suit, a painfully tight dark green bodysuit that went on over the soft conductor scrubs. He ran his fingers over it feeling the little metal studs sitting conspicuously over his nerve endings. After adjusting it as best he could, he turned his attention to the Armor itself. The Drivesuit armor clamped on in pieces and he started with the bits that went on his feet and ankles. Mrs. Melero was right. It was very tight and not at all comfortable. The test brief had instructed how the Driftsuit would go on and how it was to be worn…but not how heavy it was. Hermann’s hip was already throbbing slightly from the added weight and he looked at his cane wondering if it would hold up to the abuse.

   By the time he had worked his way up to his thighs he heard dragging footsteps coming towards the metal ready-room doors. Newton walked in alone, his face grey and tired. He kept his eyes to the ground as he stumbled over to where his armor was laid out. The silence between them was so thick and heavy Hermann felt like it was choking him. He finally spoke up nearly gagging on the words.

     “Aren’t they…supposed to have people who help us put these things on?”

Newton glanced at him briefly pulling distractedly at his conducting scrubs. He yanked his bodysuit up over his hips as he answered. His voice was flat, and there was no real Newton in it.

     “They’ll be here with the spinal clamps …and to adjust you…”

They went back to dressing in silence and after ten minutes of struggling a few techs’ in Occam’s colors finally appeared to help them with their chest plates and shoulder guards. The spinal clamp boxes emerged and Hermann knew this was it. Once the clamps were in place the connection process would begin…and Geiszler was not even speaking to him. He took several short gasping breaths as the techs buzzed around them bee-like. There was a brief feeling of pressure, a short burst of white light behind his eyes…then it was in, the clamp was in place. He grabbed for his cane but they were already pushing him towards the elevator to Occam’s conn-pod.  A tech had him under each arm and he swallowed hard trying to tell them to stop.

     “Let him walk on his own.”

The techs looked at Newton curiously. He wasn’t wearing his glasses. He had put in contacts before the gloves had come on. It made him look older, more serious. Newton leaned down picking up Hermann’s cane. He passed it over and pushed something small into Gottlieb’s hand as he did. Fully dressed Geiszler walked into the elevator. Hermann followed him slowly. The cane and suit were not a good combination. As the elevator creaked upwards Hermann opened his hand and found a single hard peppermint candy. He gripped it tightly glancing up…trying to catch his partners eye, to say thank you. Newt just stared straight ahead, avoiding his gaze.

  Occam’s conn-pod was a concave space of steel beams and raised control panels. Two platforms stood in its center and Hermann could tell instantly which side was meant for him. He struggled to lift himself and his armor up and lay his cane across the nearest access panel. The right hand side of the pod had two walking pedals but the left only had one. Next to the left pedal stood a tall metal leg brace and it was pretty clear to Hermann he needed to strap himself into it. The intercom flashed and several people attempted to speak at once, First Harry Archer then somewhere behind him the dark feminine voice of Dr. Sendak.

     “Hey boys! Good morning! Ready for test one?”

    “Dr. Geiszler? Dr. Gottlieb? Can you hear me alright?”

Newton stopped and leaned down without a word to help buckle Hermann into his brace and hook his good foot into his walking platform. Gottlieb watched him and took the moment to tuck the peppermint behind his chest plate for good luck. Already he could feel the conn-pod descending on its track into Occam’s head, latching onto his shoulders.

Their helmets lowered from the ceiling and the pod settled into place with a satisfying snap. Several Head-Up Displays blipped into life turning the interior of Occam’s head cavity an unearthly blue. The Jaeger’s enormous visor tinted from gold to black to red and finally to clear as all the connecting systems came online at once. The LOCCENT control tower was too far to see but the twins and some of the other pilots were leaning on scaffolding at eye level to watch the test. Gottlieb felt his head spin. The armor seemed to pull him down, squeezing his ribs. He wasn’t getting enough air. Newton was pulling on his helmet, face blank, sweat pouring down his forehead and sticking his wild hair to his skin. He disappeared under a layer of sickly yellow relay gel.  Hermann followed his example and gasped wide-eyed as the world went dark. There was no reason to panic…this had been in the brief. Everything had been happening exactly as the documents said it would. Harry spoke in his booming voice and it vibrated through Gottlieb’s bones.

     “…Spinal clamps in place… helmets on… life-support systems next…let’s get vitals online where we can see them.”  
There was a sharp pain in Hermann’s leg as the brace tightened like a blood pressure cuff. He could feel his own rapid pulse tapping against the inside of the suit. Metal arms reached down from the ceiling bolting into the shoulder blades of his armor.  He was suspended and locked in tight. Everything was all sensation in the dark, a claustrophobic feeling of crushing metal and echoing empty space. Hermann spoke his voice small and gasping.

     “Geiszler…puh-please talk to me…”

Newton’s voice reverberated somewhere to his right, close enough to touch but miles and miles in the distance. It was still deadpan and blank.

     “What do you want me to say...”

 They are both displaying fear in different ways Hermann realized. Newton had probably taken something to stabilize his panic, or maybe he was just in shock…their connection was still vague and strangely numb. Sendak’s voice popped up in his helmet and Hermann could hear some carefully disguised concern in her tone.

     “Dr. Gottlieb. You need to calm down…count backwards from a thousand for me alright?”

Hermann did as he was told starting at a thousand and moving backwards slowly. It was about as calming as walking hot coals.

The cold female voice of the Jaeger AI filled the conn-pod followed by Harry Archer’s booming bass.

    “Initiating Neural Handshake…”

    “You guys we’re starting. You ready?”

 Hermann wanted to scream he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready and he couldn’t breathe. But it was too late… the countdown had started.

     “Handshake in 3…2…1…”

 

The world exploded into a blue mist of image and sound. A shock of electricity raced up Hermann’s spine and he arched back, mouth open, eyes squeezed tight as a parade of memories and feelings plowed through his senses. The sting of a tattoo needle, Munich in summer, Chili cheese fries at some dive bar in Kansas…all these things and thousands more, the accumulated feelings of a lifetime that added up to two little people.

     “Right and Left Hemispheres calibrated. Neural Handshake complete. Occam’s Razor Online.”

Blinking Hermann focused his eyes and found the relay gel had melted away. He looked over but could only see the side of Newton’s helmet. He reached out his hand and watched amazed as Newton did the same. They both moved together…one person instead of two. Occam’s enormous hand rose up and all three of them wiggled their fingers. It was exactly the same overwhelmingly large feeling he had in the Meat Locker with Krueger’s heart. Gottlieb let out a frantic breathless laugh and realized Harry was addressing them through the com-link.

     “Great job guys! You did it! You’re doing great! Let’s just get through basic drills today ok?”

Newton answered and his voice scared Gottlieb. Newt would have been beyond excited… but the man next to him answered without any emotion in his voice.

    “Alright. Ready.”

    “Err…yes…what Geiszler said.”

In the connection all he could feel was cold inside Newton. It was all cold and fear and a strange grey flatness that wasn’t his friend. He wanted it to stop.

    “Ok you two go ahead and raise both arms high as you can.”

They did as he asked. The arm and head exercises went smooth despite the surges of grey fear Hermann felt in his chest and the dizziness that seemed to be getting worse.

    “Ok…let’s get you two to walk a step forward if you can. No rush Dr. Gottlieb.”

Hermann looked down at his feet then over at Newton. He bit his lip and slowly raised his good leg. Occam followed and they moved forward Newt picked up his opposite leg and the brace slid automatically forward. Pain seared crimson down Hermann’s leg and both of them screamed. Occam himself actually reached down to touch one giant robotic hip reflexively. A third voice came over the intercom cussing and spitting.

    “Fucking hell ya lame idiot! Did ye lock the fucking brace!? “

Newton’s helmet snapped up his eyes huge and he took a half-step back from Balor’s voice. An explosion of emotion and fear filled the bridge and Hermann gasped at the scale of it. Newton whimpered low and their link seemed to twist.

     “No…”

Occam took two giant excruciating steps backward until its back was pressed to a hangar wall. Hearing Balor Flood’s voice had caused some chain reaction in his brain that Hermann couldn’t control. His skull buzzed and lights began to flash red and angry on all the HUDs.

     “Right Hemisphere disconnected….Right Hemisphere …”

     “Newton?....”

The drift intensified and images flashed past to quickly to follow. It was rush hour traffic pounding against Hermann’s skull, too much information to absorb. He was moving towards Newton...into his memories. Sendak was speaking to him urgently as the world went blue at the edges.

     “Hermann…Hermann… Newton is chasing the Rabbit…don’t follow him Hermann…”

Her voice disappeared as Hermann moved away from the conn-pod and into the silence. It was a relief and he felt a rush of desire. Find Newton. Get Newton back.

The darkness crawled on and on, blue and full of soft voices. Hermann walked through it and realized after a few steps there was no pain in his leg…none at all. He pressed his full weight on it marveling his new freedom. No cane and no hobble. He experimented and ran forward. His leg held, it didn’t buckle under him at all.  He laughed and kept running, the Drift armor didn’t even feel heavy.

   The blue on all sides of him started to take shape morphing into the outlines of shadowy trees. Rain was falling hard, pattering his relay helmet and falling off his shoulders in streams. He turned and spotted the mailbox that marked the drive to Newton’s childhood home. There were no balloons on it this time around. He moved past it trailing gloved hands over its smooth surface. The muddy path led him down to the Lake House and its well manicured front lawn. The windows of the old house were dark and sightless. Clouds hung low over the glassy water and wraithlike coils of mist rose towards the shore. In the watery haze he spotted the frail outline of a familiar little boy.

     “Newton? Newton!”

The only light in the rain heavy air seemed to come from inside Gottlieb’s relay helmet. He ran into the gloom and watched helplessly as the little boy started to walk into the lake. The black water moved around Newt’s legs and waist then up to his chest. Newt sank into the oily water as the rain pounded harder. Gottlieb panicked and waded out into the lake shouting Newton’s name. When he looked back he was surprised to see the shore was already much farther than it should have been. Hermann  felt his lungs grow cold and his chest tighten. Somewhere ahead there was flailing in the rippling lake. Newton surfaced gasping and Hermann swam for him weighed down heavily by his Driftsuit.

    “<Newton…reach for me!>”

The little boy turned thrashing and reached out a small hand gulping down mouthfuls of water. Gottlieb strained for Newt barely able to see him through his streaked facemask. There was a tug from below the water and before Gottlieb realized what was happening it had sucked him down. Hermann watched as the surface disappeared, swallowing him down deep into the darkness. Huge shapes swam close to him and there was the glittering hint of blue eyes and sharp teeth. They weren’t real, just the familiar shapes of he and Geiszler’s nightmares.

 Gottlieb’s feet touched down on black nothing and he stood a moment, trying to figure out if he was still underwater. He shook his head mumbling to himself and wiping condensation from his visor.

     “These were just memories and feelings. Physics and logic has no place here Gottlieb you idiot…stop thinking so much…”

 

 Gottlieb began walking again. There was no little boy, no Newton, nothing but a vague spot of white light in the distance. He headed for it and as he did a hallway of doors popped up on either side of him, miles of doorways appearing out of thin air. It was a disconcerting feeling. There was nothing and then…something. As he passed them Hermann recognized some…the redwood door of his lecture hall at the university…the rusted metal door of his dormitory in Hong Kong. There was the faint sound of classical music and he noticed one of the doors standing slightly ajar. It was made of brushed steel and seemed…eerily familiar. Opening it Hermann found himself staring at a woman whose funeral he had attended only three years before.

   Dr. Meredith Vess was already in her sixties when Gottlieb joined the PPDC. He knew that Newton had been close to her. She had been his favorite professor at MIT and part of the reason he had moved towards Bio-mechanics. She headed the K-science department at the Tokyo Shatterdome and had contacted Hermann in Munich to join the program at the ripe old age of twenty-eight. Seeing Vess in her office surrounded by her tacky Koi paintings brought a strange feeling of nausea…it was disorienting. She seemed so real and alive despite what he knew to the contrary. He walked towards her tall and foreboding in his dark Driftsuit. She didn’t look up...she wouldn’t he realized. She was a memory. There was a frantic knock at her half-open door and she didn’t even raise her eyes from her work.

     “Come in Newton…”

He did and Hermann walked as close to he him as he could. He was so young. Gottlieb tried to touch him but his hand passed through ghostlike and when he spoke he was ignored.

     “Newton?”

     “Hey Doc Vess! Can I talk to you a minute?”

The doctor still didn’t look but a smile played around her lips.

     “Of Course you can Newton. Do you need consultation on something? Have a theory on the new batch of samples perhaps?”

Newt slouched into a leather chair and thumped his leg restlessly. Hermann noticed with a jolt that his arms were almost completely blank. There was the new, still swollen outline of a tattoo healing on his right arm… but it didn’t even have color yet.

    “I wanted to ask a question about lab partners.”

Dr. Vess finally looked up from her paperwork and removed her reading glasses.

     “Lab partners Newton? I believe I just assigned you a lab with Dr. Asami Miike. She is a brilliant molecular biologist and her work with Kaiju cell structure has proved very helpful with your own work I believe...”

Newton tried to look casual and sat sideways in his chair legs slung over one arm head bent over the other tapping nervously on his chest. Hermann watched him raptly walking around his chair to look down into memory Newton’s undamaged face.

     “Yeah but…that new guy you just hired. The one from Germany.“

     “Hermann Gottlieb?”

    “Yeah yeah that’s the one…you gave him…Evans as a lab partner...”

She smirked and leaned her cheek on her hand watching him with one eyebrow raised.

    “They are both more on the math side …I mean Clark Evans is a theoretical physicist.”

    “He’s a huuuuge jerk…and he can’t even speak German!”

     “Dr. Gottlieb can speak perfect English. You met him yes? So you must already know that.”

Newt swallowed uneasily and the bouncing leg jiggled faster. Gottlieb watched him and Vess confused. He had never been partnered with Clark Evans, the man had loathed him.

    “I think we should be partners. I mean just like…you know I think it would be a good idea. He’s speaks German, I speak German…he doesn’t talk much, I talk a lot….we’re also the youngest people here.”

Dr. Vess sighed patiently and shook her head.

    “It doesn’t make much sense to partner a mathematician and a biologist in the same lab space Newton. You’re most well known for making a god awful mess and Dr. Gottlieb is…”

Newt sprang up and walked over on his knees to the edge of her desk putting his hands together and pleading to her over the side.

     “Please. He seems like such a lonely dude. I know I can help him out. I don’t like what some of the other scientists have been saying about him behind his back. I get it. He’s kinda stuffy and uptight but…I dunno….please?”

Vess looked thoughtfully at the pen in her hand, twirling it around her fingers.

    “Pretty please Vess? For your favorite student?”

    “Oh…Newton…I suppose it doesn’t matter in the long run. If you feel like it’s for his benefit I won’t refuse a simple transfer. You’re just fortunate Evans hasn’t moved into the space yet…go on then…Shoo! Before I change my mind.”

Newt jumped up and clapped his hands laughing.

     “I promise this is the right thing to do! You won’t regret it Doc! Oh man!”

Gottlieb followed Newt towards the door looking back at Vess who was already leaning over her work still smiling. He shook his head feeling at a loss. He had no idea that Newton had done this in the beginning…had no idea that Geiszler had requested they be together. He had put in for countless transfers out of Newton’s lab in the first two years and Vess had turned every one of them down…and now he knew why.

   He left Vess’s office closing her door behind him, back into empty black space. He stood in the dark trying to catch his breath. His chest was hurting and he rubbed a padded glove over his armor. Newton seemed to be everywhere, a huge omnipresent mass of fear and energy. Maybe that meant he was closer to finding him. He chided himself for lingering in the Vess memory. It wasn’t where Newt was, it was just something he had been distracted by. Something his own brain had wanted to hang on to. Taking a heavy step forward he tried to find another way out and heard a hiss of unfamiliar static. The glow of his relay helmet caught a glittery flash in the distance and he walked toward it.

    The world brightened and he could see a heavy orange sun sinking down into a granite ocean. The world was dull, colorless and snow blew cold even through the Driftsuit. He spotted a boy of probably twelve or thirteen standing on a white hill surrounded by stark black gravestones. He wasn’t Newton…he was no one Gottlieb had ever seen before. Hermann went to stand next to the boy watching the wind blow through his hair and tears stream from his ice blue eyes. The boy placed a single wilted rose on the fresh grave and Hermann felt his insides shrivel in empathetic anguish.

     “Ah…Sean lad it’ll be alright.”

They both looked up, the tall thin man in the drift suit and the pale crying boy in his too-large mourning clothes. Balor Flood was walking towards them, slogging through the snow, hands deep in his coat pockets. He had no grey in his hair yet but he lit a familiar cigarette as he stood next to the boy. He put a stubby hand up to the match to protect it from the wind.

    “An uncle ain’t na substitute fer yer mum buh…”

Sean Patrick Flood sniffled and wiped at his eyes.

     “No…m’glad yer ere Uncle Bal…I’m glad yeh came ta fetch me….”

The rough little man put a kind hand around his nephew’s shoulders and guided him away from his mother’s grave.

     “Ye’ll like mah work Seany boy. I work with tha Jeagers. Yeh ever seen one? Right big bastards…an pretty soon we’ll be using em …aye..using em ta win.”

   Gottlieb stood in disbelief. He watched them disappear into a swirl of snow. How many of Sean Patrick’s memories still lived in Newton’s head? How often did he get a flash of something like this? Gottlieb kept walking, pulling his feet clear of the snow and leaving enormous footprints. He felt sure that Geiszler was close now. Hermann shuffled past polished gravestones and carved tombs covered with penitent angels. This place was quiet and it was tempting to sit down…for just a minute. He was getting tired. He reached the ornate cemetery gate and opened it with difficulty, surprised to find himself back in Occam’s head.

 

 He was confused for a moment, but soon figured out this wasn’t his Occam when he saw that the left side pilot had no leg brace. He moved cautiously toward the center of the conn-pod, towards the two pilots. The first thing he noticed was that Newton was sobbing. He was sobbing and reaching out a hand to his partner who was seizing violently. Both their noses gushed black-red blood.

     “Just hold on dude…please…I’m sorry!”

Over the com-link Hermann could hear Balor Flood screeching helplessly, his voice cracking as he tried to talk to his nephew. He was making Newton panic…his harsh scared voice was just making things worse and he either didn’t realize or was too frightened to care.

    “Sean! Answer me! You lil inky fuck wha tha hell ave ya done!?”

   Newton unlatched himself from his foot pedals and lunged out snagging Patrick’s hand. The moment he touched him the blinking lights dimmed and the squealing alarms muted. The interior of Occam melted away and it was just Sean Patrick and Newton there. Their drift suits faded off them and they were standing there naked, radiant with bright internal light. They reminded Hermann of bioluminescent jellyfish floating in dark places where sunlight couldn’t reach.  Gottlieb looked down at himself but no…he hadn’t changed. He was still in the Drivesuit. Newt clung to Sean’s glowing hand but the pilot’s golden colors were splintery and damaged. It seemed that Geiszler was the only thing keeping him together.

     “I’m not letting you go man…just hang onto me and you’ll be ok!”

Sean smiled at him and shook his head.

     “Newt…yeh gah ta leh me go. I’m dying. Yer the only thing ‘olding me back.”

Geizler shook his head grasping the man’s fingers harder. He let out a wracking sob.

    “This is all my fault! I can’t just let you die! If you hang onto me…

     “Newt…yer gonna die too if yeh don let go…I’ll drag you with meh...”

Newton started to shake slightly the blue light inside his chest looked like it was burning itself out.

     “Good….who the fuck cares…”

    “No…s’naht right…go on back. Hermann still needs ya right? Just tell mah uncle Bal…I’m sorry…”

     “Hermann?...yeah….I..I do want to see Hermann….but.”

     “Then leh go Newton…is al’righ…you go on. Yer a good man..”

Newton let go of Sean Patrick’s hand very slowly, sobbing incoherently as he did. Sean’s glowing body flickered then sputtered out like a candle flame. Geiszler’s eyes rolled back into his head and the blue light in his body trembled. His left arm, the one he had held Patrick with, went limp.  He was having the stroke now Gottlieb realized. He had held on too long. Hermann pushed forward trying to run towards Newton calling his name desperately. He only made it two steps before he was falling…the void reached down forever and he sank silently into it.

 

   Gottlieb dropped into the dark. The pain in his chest was intense but he found himself caring less and less about it. The exhaustion and the feeling that Newton was moving out of reach made everything seem…unimportant. He was a bad person and a worse friend. He’d been a mediocre scientist and a lousy human being. Now he was just a jerk in a Driftsuit floating inside the mind of a Kaiju biologist that he wanted to hate but couldn’t. He closed his eyes ready to let himself go. Then all at once…he stopped falling. Some massive presence had engulfed him buoying him upwards. A gentle pressure filled his head.

     “ _Small voice… sick…hurt? I sick hurt. I die_.”

Gottlieb shifted his weight and turned midair to find himself floating inches from the massive face of a Kaiju. Kotick was looking down at him with three sets of blue eyes as they both hovered in the dark.

     “ _I dream of small voice. We swim together. Hive and food and ice…”_

There were sharp phantom spikes of pain and Hermann gasped.

    “ _Monster fight. Hurt…dying…small voice warn. Not listen._ ”

Gottlieb reached out his hand and rested it gently on Kotick’s nose. The pain intensified then faded leaving an empty space behind. He wondered if Kotick had stopped him from falling into something he couldn’t have climbed out of himself… if he owed the monster some kind of debt.

     “Where….where are you?”

Kotick rumbled at him and it was intense enough to make his suit clatter. He realized dimly it was a friendly noise, there was nothing hostile in the white Kaiju’s manner.

      “ _Dying here. Hurt. Brothers come …hive…and fissure..._ ”

Images flashed through Hermann’s brain. Just like Geiszler’s drift memories. He could see a beach covered with round colored stones...or were they stones? He could hear the cawing of gulls and smell something foul in the air. He knew where Kotick lay dying.

     “I’ll find you.”

Kotick watched him then opened his massive mouth. The Kaiju made a sharp echoing noise that was almost a word. It was something important…and Hermann was just about to grasp what it was when the drift shattered around him.

 

   There was an odd sensation of full body double vision as he snapped back into himself. Occam’s cockpit was silent and dark. They had shut off the power, probably to get Newt and him out of the drift. He struggled frantically with his leg brace as he got his bearings.

     “N-Nuh-...”

He managed to yank his foot from the walking pedal and separate from the metal arms in his shoulders. There was so much pain when he toppled to the ground he wasn’t sure what is the worse, the pain in his head, the phantom remnants of Kotick’s pain or the tight sharp pain inside his chest. Gottlieb didn’t even bother with his cane gasping for as he dragging himself toward Newton. The man was half falling into Occam’s neck, feet still hooked into his pedals, the metal frame in his back holding him upright. Hermann was half-stupid with fear by the time he made it to Geiszler’s side and pulled him weakly to the ground. With the last of his strength he ripped off his helmet and Newton’s, feeling their connection burst to life as Newt took a huge breath. Hermann wrapped his arms around Newton and buried his face his neck. Hot blood gushed from his nose, dribbling down Geiszler’s shoulder.

   Occam’s head lit up around them as the power was reconnected. Hermann felt like he was floating, stretched thin…barely held to earth save for the fact he was holding Newton. Newt blinked weakly and murmured confused. Esther Sendak’s voice burst around them echoing and anxious.

    “Dr. Gottlieb? Can you hear me?”

He had no strength to answer. He couldn’t catch his breath, couldn’t get enough air in. He started to feel black in the center of his vision. His heart was beating so fast he was sure it would burst like an overripe fruit. Newton raised his head disoriented and stared into Gottlieb’s pale face.

     “Her…mann?”

    “Dr. Geizsler!? Are you conscious?”

Newt shook his head looking around Occam’s conn-pod puzzled. He touched his neck where Hermann’s blood was dribbling and then his own nose.

    “Dr. Sendak? What…?”

Hermann muttered weakly and Newton pulled him close stripping off his heavy drive gloves and threading his fingers through Hermann’s hair.

     “Dr. Gottlieb’s blood pressure Newton…hes having a tachycardia episode. He needs to calm down. We’re going to open Occam up and get you out but it’s going to take a moment with the primary systems rebooting after the shutdown.”

   Hermann heard them talking but couldn’t answer around his own wheezing. The dull grey fear in Newt was gone, replaced by fear for him. Geiszler held Hermann’s head still wiping the blood from his nose. He shuddered with relief…Newt was looking him in the eye again.

     “Should I talk about prime numbers? I have the lecture memorized…should I …talk about…um….oh god…”

Newt was squeezing him and rocking him gently back and forth like Mrs. Melero had just hours before. He pressed his face into Hermann’s cheek.

     <”Just…calm down ok?...everything’s ok...”>

   <”I..k-know wh-wh-whu-where….k..kotick…”>

    <”Fuck where Kotick is! …Just…don’t even think about anything just…focus on breathing. Focus on me.”>

Hermann did, vision pulsing black and white, wavering. Newt pulled Hermann’s gloves off and struggled with his own breastplate chucking it to the side. He put Hermann’s hand to his chest against the rough circuitry suit and struggled to take deep even breaths. Gottlieb knew he was stressed. The connection was so strong at the moment he could smell his own blood through Newton’s nose.

    <”Breathe in with me…you’re not getting enough air...”>

Hermann nodded taking a thin breath when he felt Newton’s ribcage expand.

   <”That’s good! Do it again…in with me…out with me…better right?”>

    <”I am...sorry I…pushed you.”>

Newt stuttered on a reply shaking his head until the gesture felt meaningless.

    <”Don’t…I could give a shit about that. As long as you’re ok...”>

Gottlieb’s lightheadedness eased and he clung to Newton’s voice…his breathing and his heartbeat. He wasn’t a memory. He was real.

    <”Dude…we really piloted didn’t we? I …I was freaking out at the time…but…We did it. We drifted and we were piloting Occam…and then I …”>

The Conn-pod’s emergency hatch burst open and there was a rush of motion and voices. Hermann picked out Sendak’s voice…and Joyce’s.

     “Everyone stay right here! We don’t want them going into shock!...just…let me go in first.”

   Sendak came in carefully. She climbed over the pit where the leg pedals disappeared into Occam’s neck and he shone a flashlight into Dr. Geiszler’s face, crawling towards them.

    “Newton? Are you alright? Is Dr. Gottlieb alright?”

Newt waved weakly.

   “We’re doing great Doc…”

Hermann felt Sendak’s fingers pressing into his throat to check his pulse. He took another deep breath his hand still pressed to Newton’s chest.

    “Thank god...you two…I’ve never seen anyone chase the rabbit for so long…nearly two hours. Dr. Gottlieb you…we would have done an emergency shutdown sooner but…”

Joyce’s voice echoed from the door.

    “Did you find out where it is Geiszler?”

Newton looked over at the sergeant and back at Sendak in disbelief. Gottlieb felt Newt’s anger rising hot into his own stomach.

     “He did this on purpose. He didn’t shut it down. He just let us go down the goddamn rabbit hole to find the fucking Kaiju didn’t he?”

Geiszler attempted to stand still holding Hermann with one arm but his knees wouldn’t cooperate…Gottlieb could feel his leg and hip burning with raw sympathetic pain.

      “Hermann could have died…”

Gottlieb let out a slow breath and squeezed Newton’s hand shaking his head. He knew what Newt was thinking…but he was not going to die like Sean Patrick. Hermann looked past Dr. Sendak’s worried face and down at Joyce pushing himself gradually forward with Newton’s help.

     “I know …I know where Kotick is…and I’ll tell you…but on my terms.”

The Sergeant just stared at him. He couldn’t tell if it was with disbelief or respect, the man was hard to read.

     “Alright….then what are your terms Dr. Gottlieb?”

Hermann pulled his hand away from Newton’s chest and leaned on one of the massive metal cords connecting Occam’s head to his neck, gathering scattered thoughts.

     “Newton and I will be with the search team in Occam.”

     “…We can’t wait for you to recover Doctor…time is a factor here.”

Hermann looked questioningly at Newt and his partner just bobbed his head answering for him.

    “We’ll be ready tomorrow.”

Esther opened her mouth immediately to protest then stopped leaning back and rubbing her temples. Sergeant Joyce raised an eyebrow to see if she would argue but the doctor kept her peace and he nodded.

     “Is there anything else Dr. Gottlieb?”

    “Yes. No one will hurt Kotick...I want him alive.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! I'm looking for an editor/beta reader. I've had a few offers but nothing has stuck. I'm attempting to find someone with experience/schooling in editing so If your interested please comment with your info and e-mail. Please help me alleviate the deep guilt I feel over my horrible grammar.


	8. Razor Rebel Siren

   “Do you think the Kaidonovskys or the Hansens ever had to go through anything like this?”

Hermann opened his eyes slowly staring at the thick glass ceiling as he contemplated Newton’s question.

    “I do not see why they would not. They drifted for hours at a time.”

    “Yeah…but it’s hard to imagine any of them stuck inside a Fishbowl…”

The Fishbowl was the crude nickname that Shatterdome staff had given the D-HOC, the Drift Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber. It was a name that had stuck for good reason. After long stressful periods in a Jaeger some pilots, especially inexperienced ones, would display the Neurological symptoms of decompression sickness. The natural answer was oxygen therapy so some PPDC doctor had invented the D-HOC.  Fortress’s Fishbowl was little more than a pressurized room-sized glass box inside of a storage tent at the edge of the Jaeger Hangar.

The Tokyo Shatterdome had one and Gottlieb had seen it a few times. He never figured he would be trapped inside one. They had not been out of Occam for more than ten minutes before being jostled into the Fortress D-HOC.

Sticking out of either side of the glass room were metal shelves covered with thin mattress pads that served as beds. Off to one side was a privacy curtain and a bucket, otherwise the place was empty. They hadn’t allowed Gottlieb or Geiszler to bring anything in with them. Their debriefing had been mercifully short and now they were stuck in quarantine until further notice. Sendak had stated firmly that it was decompression for mind and body. But Gottlieb was more than a little angry with her and not much in the listening mood.

Hermann hurt all over and was tired down to his bones…but he could not relax. The same itch he felt the first time he and Newton had drifted was driving him mad and he didn’t know how to scratch it. Newton sat upright on his bed his legs pulled up to his chest. He was bouncing his foot impatiently and looked about ready to burst.

    “It would be best if you slept Newton…”

    “Ha! …you first! ”

Hermann frowned and tried to ignore the ceaseless tide of Geiszler’s brain as it flowed in and out of his head, occasionally leaving behind sensations or memories like seashells at low tide. Newton pulled nervously at a thread on his conductor scrubs, the only thing he and Hermann had been left to wear.

    “I...think they put me in this thing the first time. But I was out of it and I don’t remember.”

Gottlieb looked at Newt and felt a tug of something he couldn’t name. He watched him attempt to press down his hair a few times but it popped back up the moment he pulled his hands away. He wasn’t sure what to talk about…as if words were really necessary at this point but they had time to kill. He wanted to talk about Sean Patrick, reassure Newt that the man’s death had not been his fault. That he had done as much as he possibly could and more. He wanted to ask about Vess and the Lab switch…but doing this was admitting he had been in Newton’s head. Something he wanted to avoid at all costs. The itching sensation inside his skull burned with a vengeance. Newton scratched at his neck and when he spoke his voice was jittery.

     “I can’t believe you want to help a freaking Kaiju…I mean I’m the one with the sick monster fascination not you.”

    “I…I do not know how to explain it Newton…Kotick has helped me. We have been communicating for months in dreams….Possibly longer I do not remember half of what I dream.”

    “Yeah…Krueger was like that too… Kind of. “

Hermann glanced over surprised unfolding his hands from his stomach and sitting up slightly.

    “What do you mean?”

In his mind Gottlieb had a flash of a memory. He saw a huge Kaiju bloated and barely breathing on some tropical white beach.

    “Krueger was lonely. I mean…the Kaiju came out through the breach one at a time but they still had a connection to the group. When we blew up the breach we effectively cut them all off. I think that changed their programmed behavior but…it didn’t change their desire to be part of the hive. I was there and Krueger reached out to me...you can’t imagine how shitty I felt when they started cutting him up alive. ”

     “Yes…I can imagine. I do not want that to happen to Kotick.”

Newton bit at his fingernails thinking.

    “Krueger wouldn’t attack me but he killed a K-science drone and three PPDC soldiers before they knocked him out. I was pretty much crazy at that point…felt his pain. Joyce figured it out and that’s how I got into the Jaeger program. I mean that’s a great secret weapon right…a Jaeger the Kaiju won’t touch!

The small man laughed bitterly and rubbed at his face pushing his forehead into his knees.

     “You know how you saw his heart on the ship? They had actually sent it to Fortress II. They took it right from his chest to their hack-job Defensive Tech department.…. I had to write some serious fucking letters to get it back. They finally just gave in just to shut me up.”

     “You worked for Fortress II yes?…”

     “Briefly. Like I told you, after Hong Kong shut down they wanted me to create weapons. Then the sightings started and I escaped here to study Gogmagog. It was great. Everyone left me the fuck alone until Krueger happened…then everything just turned to shit.”

Hermann rubbed a hand over his eyes. Newton’s misery over this mess was palpable. He had endured it alone…and that just made it worse. Gottlieb thought back to all the moments in Munich where he would suddenly have to sit down because of some crippling sense of sadness or pain. He was such an idiot…   

     “Geiszler… why did you not tell about everything sooner? You made it seem like you were doing alright. In your letters…”

Newt looked up sharply and gritted his teeth.

     “So I could interrupt the life you wanted to get back to so badly? You ran off and left me Hermann. You just took off without so much as a fuck you. You didn’t care and…I didn’t blame you.”

     “No…Geiszler I…”

     “Shutup Hermann…I’m not mad…not really. I never asked you to come back…and when I finally couldn’t take it anymore…you did come back. When I asked you to…you did. Besides…you’ve been just as miserable as me all this time… It’s not hard to see that.”

Hermann looked at his hands ashamed color burning in his cheeks and he knew Newt could feel it. Thankfully Geiszler didn’t elaborate on what he knew…which was probably everything.

They both sat in silence listening to the oxygen-rich air cycling through the Fishbowl’s filters. Newton spit out a piece of nail and bit at his thumb his body practically vibrating with pent up energy.

    “After you left…I think I reached out to him too…To Krueger. I was as lonely as he was. Maybe unconsciously you did the same thing with Kotick. ”

Hermann winced and spoke in a near whisper.

    “I suppose that is possible.”

Newton got up and started to pace restlessly, His bare feet slapping the cold concrete as he walked in tight frantic circles. Gottlieb wanted to tell Newton that he was sorry…sorry about everything. Sorry about running like a selfish coward. Sorry for Krueger…sorry for Newton’s damaged face and the mistakes of the past year. But no matter what he said it wouldn’t be enough…it would never be enough. They were both too tired for this. Newton hadn’t slept the night before and he had fared little better. Newt walked over looking down at Hermann where he lay on his bed. He gestured to his chest, mercifully changing the subject.

    “That thing bothering you?”

Gottlieb lifted up his shirt quickly to stare down at the electrodes plastered to his ribs and smoothed it down again modestly. The meds had fit him with a Holter heart monitor before shoving him in the Fishbowl and he had almost forgotten about it. Newt picked up the digital monitor where it hung around his neck and scrutinized it.

     “No. it is barely noticeable. They are just being safe.”

    “Pfff…They don’t care about us. Not really, we’re just valuable assets.”

Hermann flinched at a wave of black anger coming off Newt as he spoke. He could not recall the man ever being this bitter before. He fiddled with an electrode cord distractedly and Newton watched him concerned. His expression softened and he put the monitor down, going back to his pacing.

     “They put you and me in danger...they don’t care.”

     “Newton…”

     “I don’t feel good Hermann. I feel weird.”

     “I know…”

Hermann took a deep breath trying to calm them both down. There was something in the Drift documentation he had read about this. He wished Newton’s brain would let him think for three seconds about what it was. He jumped startled at a loud scraping noise and glanced over to see Newt pulling his mattress from the metal shelf dragging it across the Fishbowl until he was right next to Hermann on the floor. He lay down crossing his arms and jiggling his leg.

     “We were too far apart.”

Gottlieb opened his mouth to say something but stopped thinking this over. He rolling carefully on his side, adjusting his monitor cords and pulling a blanket around himself. Hermann dangled his hand down offering it to Newton who looked at him startled.

     “I will not bite you Newton…I promise.”

Geiszler slowly reached up propping his arm on his pillow and took Hermann’s outstretched hand. Almost instantly it felt like a hole was filled in Gottlieb’s brain. The itch he couldn’t define scratched itself and they both let out a sigh of relief in tandem.  Newt squeezed his fingers around Hermann’s tightly and smiled crookedly at him.

      “<That’s…that’s a lot better…>”

Warmth glowed in Hermann’s chest and he could feel Newton fill him up like a good cup of tea. A few hazy images of the Lake House garden and dappled sunlight flickered through his thoughts.

   The feverish energy dissipated from Newton’s body and he closed his eyes. Gottlieb felt a small stab of discomfort. He didn’t want the man idly poking around his brain. There was so much he didn’t want to confront…never wanted known, especially by Geiszler. He was still stubbornly fighting the drift...even now. Newton settled into a comfortable position and wrapped himself in his blankets never once letting go of Gottlieb’s hand. He started to doze and his voice wafted up warm and full of sleep.

     “Hermann?...”

     “Mmmm?”

     “<I missed you when you left…I missed you…so much.>

The only reply Newt received was the Holter monitor letting out an alarming buzz. Then the Fishbowl went completely silent.

 

Gottlieb was rattled from a soft dream about stars and oceans by the sound of something hard tapping sharply on glass. His arm had fallen asleep and he looked down at it confused for a moment. He was still holding Newton’s hand. Newt was snoring quietly, breaths deep and even. He let go of the man’s hand reluctantly setting his arm over his chest. He wondered how long they’d been out. They were supposed to be in the D-HOC for at least six hours. The tapping got louder and he scowled towards it, hoping that it would not wake Newt up. He needed sleep.   

  What he saw startled him. There was a small crowd of people standing there watching him through the Fishbowl’s thick glass wall. He tried to place them and realized the one that had been tapping was Ho-jin Sineui, half of the South Korean piloting team of the Rebel Samson.

Some of the others looked…vaguely familiar. The colored uniforms brought a sharp memory floating up. They had scared Newton in the bar. They had been Occam techs once. He cleared his throat and looked around for his cane. He could not remember if he had been allowed to bring it in with him

    “Can I….help you gentlemen?”

Ho-jin eyed him and his look was dangerous…almost hungry.

    “Yes Doctor. I wish to talk to you.”

Hermann sat upright his body still a mass of pain and sore muscles. He squinted over as Ho-jinn tapped again. It took him a moment to realize the pilot was tapping with the bone handle of his cane.

     “Looking for this yes?”

Gottlieb tried not to let his fear show and stood up limping over to stand in front of the glass. He puffed out his skinny chest. He was significantly taller than Ho-jin but failed miserably at being intimidating.

     “I am…”

The Korean examined the cane handle turning it over in his hands.

     “Kaiju bone…you seem to like Kaiju very much.”

The men behind him shifted murmuring to each other and Hermann eyed them feeling grateful for the tempered glass barrier.

       “So much…you seem to think you can order us not to kill one.”

       “No…. I simply…”

Ho-jin raised his knee up and brought Hermann’s cane down over his leg with a terrible snap. Gottlieb grimaced and drew his mouth into a straight line glaring down at them, trying not to let emotion show on his face.

       “The Rebel Samson spares NO Kaiju, we will finish this thing we have started. Know that we do not follow orders from YOU.”

He spit as he said “you”, a huge glob of saliva sitting on the concrete near his boots.

       “You are no one. You are not Rangers. You are nothing.”

He nodded towards Newt where he lay passed out on the ground.

        “He is less than nothing…he is shit. He killed a good pilot and attacked his own people for a Kaiju.”

 The angry muttering in the crowd intensified and Hermann began to wonder if anyone was close enough to the D-HOC tent to hear if the glass was broken.

     “You cannot be protected all the time. I am giving you….friendly warning. Do not interfere with real Jaeger pilots.”

The Holter monitor started to buzz its little alarm as Hermann’s pulse spiked and he groaned internally. Nothing like a little machine to tell the wolves you were secretly shitting your pants.

     “I…appreciate your candor Mr. Sineui but…I find that myself and my co-pilot are currently doing what we feel is best. As do your superior officers.”

Ho-jinn just smiled his toothy predatory smile.

     “Ah…well it is a shame.”

He glanced over at Newton and back in a way that made Hermann’s skin crawl.

     “Accidents happen often in Fortress.”

Sineui set down the broken halves of Hermann’s cane delicately on the concrete floor then stood hands behind his back.

      “Good day doctor. See you in the morning.”  
Hermann made a point of standing rigidly straight until the gang had left the storage tent then let himself collapse. Standing on his leg had become agony and he heard Newton whimper in his sleep. He made it back to the bed and reached down grabbing Geiszler’s hand again. It helped…but not as much as before.

 

     “I’m just confused how your cane got broken outside while you were in fact inside…”

Hermann looked over from his chalkboard and shrugged.

    “It is a mystery.”

    “I’m just going to find out when we drift again so you might as well tell me now.”

Hermann scowled at him putting his chalk down with a sharp crack.

      “Alright alright...I know it doesn’t work like that…I can’t just Google search your brain for the info I want...but still.”

      “You are so much more chipper now Newton it is astounding.”

      “Dude…I’m BI-POLAR. Mood swings are kinda my M.O.”

Newt held up the pieces of the cane and fit them together watching them fall apart again when he set the cane down.

     “Well whatever you didn’t do and won’t tell me about really fucked this up.”

Gottlieb hunched his shoulders and tried to concentrate. Newton didn’t need another thing to worry about. Not before they climbed back into Occam. If they were going to do it right this time they needed to go into it calm as possible.

     “I will ask for the machinists shop to make me a metal band to bind the break. In the meantime the medical staff has provided a crutch which will …suffice.”

      “Where did you get this cane anyway? It’s not something you got for yourself.”

     “It was a gift….from Vanessa.”

Newt had nothing to say to that and Gottlieb was grateful. He leaned on the simple metal crutch feeling irritated at it…it was much too short for him.

     “Hey lets go upstairs. I’ll make us dinner.”

Hermann thought about running into Sineui in the Ranger’s commissary and Newton gave him an odd look as fear rushed up both their spines.

     “Hermann…What is wrong with you….”

     “...I will stay here. I’m very close to figuring out something important…”

Geiszler frowned unconvinced.

     “Whatever it is can wait an hour…you need to eat…Do you want another painkiller?”

      “Geiszler…stop treating me as if I were a baby!”

     “Well…alright. I guess I’ll just go get something for both of…”

Hermann turned so quickly he nearly fell down as he did, stumbling over the crutch.

     “NO!”

 Newton stopped and his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

    “Hermann…seriously. Did something happen? You’re worrying me.”

Hermann took a panting breath and raised his head to look at Gogmagog. It was so ironic that suddenly the frozen monster’s lair felt like the safest place in the whole Shatterdome. Gottlieb moaned and leaned his back to his blackboard smearing chalk all over his tweed jacket.

    “Oh gott… I really am turning into you…”

    “Well can you…turn into me over some dinner? I know you’re starving…”

Newt reached over to pat some of the chalk dust from Hermann’s shoulder and he shied away. Gottlieb bit his lip and realized he couldn’t just let Newt go alone. The lab was probably under surveillance by Samson cronies. He pulled himself up on his crutch face turning red as he took his first uncomfortable step towards the door.

     “Where are the other pilots?...Why haven’t they come to see us yet?”

    “Well...we were in quarantine in the fishbowl…sleeping. Then you insisted on coming right to the lab so…”

Hermann waved him off snorting angrily.

    “Technicalities! Where are those damned Whateleys when I actually need them!”

Newt pressed close to him concerned. Hermann was walking in a staggering painful way. The crutch wasn’t supporting his weight correctly, too much stress on his hip and leg.

    “Hermann I swear to god…you only act this dickish when you’re really scared of something.”

Gottlieb curled his lip as they exited the lab looking around nervously, constantly checking over his shoulder. Newton followed him at a snail’s pace and finally sighed losing what patience he had left. He slipped his arm through Hermann’s and helped him to the elevator.

    “Lean on me that toddler crutch isn’t doing shit.”

   Gottlieb begrudgingly allowed himself to be lead looking into the face of every passing mechanic. He was still attached to the Holter monitor and could feel it pressing heavily around his neck. Inside the elevator Hermann moved closer to Newt eyeing the small group of engineers chattering near the door, unconsciously squeezing Newton’s arm. Newt leaned his head onto Hermann’s shoulder expelling a puff of chalk dust in the process. Hermann didn’t bother to correct him. The engineers were whispering now looking at them and giggling. Gottlieb shot them a venomous look and the elevator was dead silent the rest of the ride up.

   When they reached the commissary it was completely empty. Hermann sat at a table near the kitchen leaning his head on his hand. He pulled a pad and pen from his jacket pocket scratching out numbers as Newt scouted around to find something edible.

    “There’s not much…I think this is lasagna…maybe. And probably corn?...yeah this is corn.”

   “I do not think I could keep food down Newton…do not trouble yourself unduly.”

   “I know your gut hurts dude, it’s probably the painkillers irritating your stomach, food will help…”

Hermann looked up at him out of the corner of his eye.

    “I wish you would not…do that.”

     “Do what?”

Newton heaped some of the frozen food onto plates and popped them in an industrial metal microwave sporting a faded PPDC logo on its side. He was wearing an old MIT sweatshirt several sizes too big and kept itching his nose with one of the baggy sleeves.

     “You just…use the ghosting so…flippantly. I do not like you drawing attention to the fact you can feel my aches and pains.”

     “Why shouldn’t I? It’s harder to ignore them. Plus if I fix them neither of us suffer!”

Hermann attempted to answer but stopped when the commissary door creaked open and Howard Whateley staggered in. He looked hallow eyed and pale, walking in a daze towards the kitchen. When he saw Hermann he brightened sitting heavily at his table.

     “Hey Newt…doc…I’m REALLY glad to see you...”

Gottlieb watched the door but Sonia did not appear. Howard shook his head as if reading his thoughts.

     “She’s….Joyce put her in the Brig for a couple hours.”

He ran his hands anxiously through his hair. Hermann and Newt cast each other confused looks. Gottlieb spoke gently, afraid to upset the single Whateley twin more then he already was.

     “Why did Sonia get in trouble Howard? What happened…”

Howard spoke in a rush, the words tumbling from him in an anxious torrent.

     “It was terrifying…they wouldn’t unhook you after you started to chase the rabbit. They just kept the drift going. We couldn’t believe it. Me and Sonia finally went to the LOCCENT bridge to see what was going on. We thought maybe it was a mechanical glitch. Mrs. M was frantic. Occam was just leaning against the wall. Once in awhile his head would move around...like he was seeing something. Balor and Sendak were screaming at Joyce and a few of the officers to turn it off. Harry was just trying to keep you alive. I didn’t grab Sonia fast enough this time…”

Howard took the cup of coffee Newt offered him but didn’t drink it.

     “She gave Joyce a black eye and a busted lip before I got a hold of her. So…now she’s in the Fortress prison for assaulting a superior officer.”

Hermann was at a loss for several moments. He cleared his throat and leaned forward.

     “Will you be court marshaled? Will you have to leave the program?”

Howard shook his head and gave a weak chuckle.

     “Nah…no…we’ll be alright. I think she’ll get some demerits and maybe some serious laps around the Hangar at worst. The Fortress program needs us too badly to let us go over something small like this. Besides…it was them that were in the wrong…Not Sonia.”

He watched the heat rise from his coffee quietly thinking about it.       

     “You two have been out of the loop but. It’s officially war now. Fortress II sent a Jaeger into Kansas. The Interior States have declared war because they haven’t had their sovereignty recognized…They say central China is going to break away from the coastal areas any day now...It makes the Kaiju seem so small. I didn’t think anything could do that.”

Newt patted Howard on the back and set Hermann’s food down in front of him.

      “They won’t get you and Sonia involved Howard…not in the land war.”

Howard lowered his head into his arms and sobbed softly his voice muffled.

      “After what happened to The Melero’s in California I…oh god I don’t I don’t know what to do…Sonia’s so upset I can feel it.”

Hermann reached out and laid a steadying hand on Howard Whateley’s arm.

     “You’re our escort. Where Occam goes you go. Or Newt and I will refuse to pilot. I will inform Joyce and the higher up’s myself if necessary. I want you two and the Siren Carpathia to be part of the search party going after Kotick in the morning for a start.”

     “Yeah what Hermann said!”

Howard rubbed at his face and smiled looking from one to the other gratefully.

     “Thank you... ”

   Newt set a plate of food in front of the lone Whateley and some tea for Hermann. After a bit of fumbling he laughed manically and came back over with his own food and a small plate of crumbling squares that could have been brownies. Howard dug in and Hermann watched him. He seemed like a half person…a shadow of himself, like he didn’t quite know how to act without his partner. Gottlieb winced, would he act like that without Geiszler?...did he already act like that? He pushed the thought away uncomfortably, going back to his numbers. Howard gestured speaking around a mouth full of corn.

     “What are you doing doc?”

     “I’m attempting to figure out some coordinates...

     “Coordinates? Of what?

Hermann raised his fork picking at his food absently. He felt Newton’s eyes on him, pressing him to eat.

     “The Great Pacific garbage patch.”

 

     “A garbage patch Dr. Gottlieb?”

Hermann sat uncomfortably in Joyce’s office. Two officers stood on either side of the man and his face was still very swollen from Sonia’s assault. It was a wonder (and a pity) she hadn’t knocked out some of his teeth.

    “Yes. There are several such patches in the world. They migrate with ocean gyres. Great masses of human waste…plastics that cannot break down. They amass into island size patches and ride the currents. When I …communicated…with Kotick, I saw several things that could have been anywhere but there was something else. A smell …a sensation of floating color in the water and I …well it is impossible to explain. But I identified it and after pulling up a history of the patches progress documented in past years I can safely say I know where Kotick is.”

   It was drawing late into the evening and despite his long nap with Newton in the Fishbowl Hermann felt exhausted. He had not been able to let his guard down all day, afraid that if he did Sineui or his crew would be on top of him. Joyce leaned back in his chair and removed his cap.

     “And you will tell us I trust?”

Gottlieb drew himself up straight as possible his face tight. He would never have spoken this way to Stacker Pentecost…but Stacker had been a man worth his respect.

     “I will once Newton and I are in Occam and on our way there. Not a second sooner. I came here because I promised you an update but…I must know. Do you intend on sending the Rebel Samson…”

Joyce actually scowled at this, his usually passive features sharpening.

     “Yes. Yes Dr. Gottlieb the Rebel Samson is our best Jaeger. You should be honored it is coming with you.”

     “I …I will not tell you where he is if the Samson…”

Joyce stood slamming his hands down hard on the table top.

    “There will be no arguments on this. The Samson will be coming with you and if you do not tell us where the Kaiju is I will make sure you and Dr. Geiszler are charged with treason.”

Gottlieb felt himself standing and his mind raced. A charge of treason was insane but he was sure that Joyce would do it if pushed. He was running out of leverage quickly.

    “I do not trust the Samson’s crew and you agreed that Kotick WOULD live. If it comes the Siren Carpathia will be coming as well.”

The two officers behind Joyce both started to shout angrily at this but the sergeant held up a hand and the protests died away.

     “The twins are grounded for the moment Doctor. Sonia Whateley acted in a manner most…unbecoming of a Ranger.”

Gottlieb felt heated words spill from him. His whole body was shaking and he was afraid his courage would run out at any moment.

     “And you did the same! With conduct most unbecoming of an officer! I am quite sure the UN and the press would be most interested to know that you allowed two inexperienced pilots to chase the rabbit without aid well over the allotted safe period in the PPDC guidelines! If you wish my further cooperation I suggest you listen to me and allow my friends to escort us.”

They both glared daggers at each other across the desk. Gottlieb’s nostrils flaring as he struggled to breathe. The Holter monitor was giving off a faint alarm under his clothes and he wondered briefly if he was going to pass out. Joyce finally turned his battered face away from Hermann hands folded behind his back.

     “Very well Dr. Gottlieb…I see that reasoning with you is pointless. You are just as difficult as Dr. Geiszler…but I suppose that is to be expected. I want this Kaiju seen to...I want them all taken care of. Most of all I want progress and you will find yourself soon losing privileges if I do not see results. Have I made myself clear?”

Hermann held his head up high as he could and nodded jaw taut, lips a straight line.

    “As crystal sir.”

    “Then you are dismissed.”

   Hermann managed to make it out into the hall before he crumpled, his lanky body folding in on itself. He dropped the useless crutch from nerveless fingers. A small gasp escaping his lips as he tried to catch the crutch before it hit the ground. A hand intercepted it midair and Newton looked up into his face. Before Hermann had a chance to protest Newt took him under the arm walking him noiselessly down the hall. Not a word was spoken from Joyce’s door to Hermann’s dormitory room. Newton helped him sit on his bed and touched his leg eyebrow raised, expressive eyes asking a question. Hermann nodded and leaned down to take off his shoes.  Newt walked through the shared bathroom into his own room and there was a dragging noise. Struggling, he managed to pull his mattress next to Hermann’s bed, throwing his pillows and blankets on top of it. When had they ever gone so long without sniping? Hermann could not recall Newt ever being so quiet, at least on the outside. He could feel him buzzing around loudly in the back of his head. That was a blissful relief.

    Hermann limped painfully into the bathroom and pulled on dirty clothes to sleep in, too tired to care. Newt pointed silently to an icepack he had left on Hermann’s pillow and curled up tightly drawing blankets around himself. The cold was wonderful when he laid it on his aching hip. Gottlieb sighed and almost on instinct he let his arm drop down over the side of the bed. He basked in the feeling of Newton’s fingers intertwining with his much longer ones. The current reconnected and everything fell into a peaceful electric hum.

      “<Thank you Newton.>”

     “<No problem dude….don’t even sweat it.>

     “<The Siren will come with us tomorrow.>

     “<I never doubted it. You’re the bravest, smartest most stubborn motherfucker I know.>

The tension left his muscles as Gottlieb felt Newton rubbing a thumb affectionately over his bony knuckles. He should have told the man to stop…but there seemed no harm in it.

   “<and you…are …well…you are Newton Geiszler…>”

  “<The worst insult of all.>”

The warm feeling in Hermann’s chest was almost too much. He had no words for half of what he felt lately, in German or in English. He tried to focus, keep his thoughts in a row. Trying to find something to express how grateful he really was.

“Newton?”

“Mmm?”

“<When I left…I missed you too…very much.>”

Newton’s hand tightened briefly but he said nothing. In ten minutes flat they were both snoring, hands clasped tight.

 

   The electricity buzzed up Hermann’s spine as the blue light and the memories faded a bit. He made an effort to breathe in deeply and almost choked.

    “You guys are doing great. The connection is really strong. We’re watching your BP Dr. Gottlieb. You’re still on the high end but the meds are working their magic. ”

Somewhere close Newton answered, his voice echoing and strange in his relay helmet.

    “We got it Harry. We got this thing.”

  Occam raised up his hands and wiggled his fingers. Moving his massive head from side to side and rolling his shoulders. Gottlieb closed his eyes and felt a deep pang of fear. Next they had to prove they could walk. He reached into his chest plate and felt the peppermint still tucked away there, rubbing it for good luck. Newton murmured something soothing inside his head and Gottlieb raised his good leg to take the first step. He took a breath through his nose speaking into his comm.-link.

     “Initiating Three-Legged Race Archer…we are walking.”

There was no pain as the locked brace held his leg and hip solidly in place, the platform moving him with Geiszler without jostling any parts that hurt. Balor Flood may have been an asshole but he was one hell of an engineer. Hermann glanced down at the Hanger floor as he and Newt moved together in fluid even strides. Just as he had in the Drift, Hermann walked without a limp. Joy and relief flooded his brain, adrenaline singing through his body. They stopped, a thought moving through both Gottlieb and Geizler at once as they leaned down and deftly picked up a forklift. Holding it up like a toy then putting it back down. Testing how delicate their new fingers could be. Sendak spoke through the link and Hermann thought she sounded exhausted.

     “Careful boys. You’re new at this.”

Harry broke in cutting Sendak off his voice irritated.

     “Sorry for the rush but you guys need to get to Occam’s lift. The helicopters are ready for transport. The Siren and Samson are ready to go. You gonna give us those coordinates now Dr. Gottlieb?”

Hermann’s breath hitched in his throat and he struggled with the words for a moment. The Samson was waiting…

     “Dr. Gottlieb?”

     “Oh..ye..yes Archer I apologize. I will give you the coordinates when we are in transit. The trip will…Take a few hours.”

   There was a flicker of warmth and a questioning prod in his mind. Hermann looked towards Newt and saw he was smiling encouragingly. The feelings were the strongest in the drift. The memories could be pulled at as they passed but that was inadvisable. That was how you lost your way. The shared emotions were what Hermann marveled at the most. It came down to a simple equation. He and Newton equaled Occam.

Occam’s feet clicked one at a time into the braces of the lift platform. Shooting them up towards the surface so fast it was borderline carnival ride. This drift experience had certainly been much better than the day before but no less physically taxing. He wondered idly how long they could hold it. They didn’t have an experienced Ranger team’s stamina or endurance. Newton’s voice echoed his thoughts and sounded a little unsure.

     “<We’ll be alright…can you feel Kotick at all?>”

Occam reached the surface and they both squinted in the weak wintry sunlight. Occam raising a hand up to protect his eye shield from the glare. Two helicopters hovered close to attach Occam into his transport hooks and nearby on their own lift platforms the hulking forms of the Siren and Samson waited for takeoff.

     “<I’m not…I never tried to feel for Kotick before…we only spoke when I was asleep.>”

   “<Well….keep trying. It would be good that he knew we were coming.>”

There was a fizzle of static and the twins spoke through the comm-link the Siren raising a long arm to wiggle its fingers at them. Howard sounded infinitely better than he had in the commissary the day before but Sonia’s cheerfulness seemed a bit forced.

      “Morning Herr Docs!”

     “Wonderful day to be out and about.”

     “That’s a nice suit you guys got on.”

      “Very flattering but a bit too big.”

Gottlieb wondered if The Samson could hear them chattering. If they could, the pilots said nothing.

 

Kotick had traveled far away from the cannery where he had fed, moving close to the string of tiny Alaskan Islands separating the North Pacific from the frigid Bering Sea. The Great Pacific patch hovered around the islands in its travels and was currently floating out in what was thought to be open water near the obscenely named Rat Islands. Hermann knew it wasn’t open water. There was land there…an empty gravel shore surrounded by garbage. It took hours to even reach Alaska and Harry had advised them to sleep if they could. Gottlieb thought it would be impossible but Newt proved him wrong and soon they were both asleep. Hermann’s dreams were full of Kaiju blue light and strange reverberations echoing through black water.

      They saw the garbage before they saw the Kaiju. It went on for miles, an enormous carpet of soda bottles and plastic bags riding high in the water. Chemical sludge turned the surface green in some places and red residue coated the larger masses giving them a repulsive bloody tint. Seagulls hovered around it, landing at times to swallow debris that would eventually kill them.

The Helicopters dropped the Jaegers away from the garbage. The four extra copters that had followed to carry Kotick dropped a hastily made support harness into The Sirens waiting hands. They would have to somehow shift the Kaiju enough to pull the harness on, no small feat. The helicopter fleet plowed off to refuel at the nearest human outpost and they were alone…Just the three Jaegers…and the Kaiju. Archer’s voice crackled over the com but it was weak and whispery, his words hard to decipher.

   “Everybody…hard to….emergency contact…try and….rush…Almost out…..range…”

   Kotick had beached himself on a tiny rocky island. No more than a bump of volcanic rock jutting from the Pacific Ocean. The garbage patch lapped at his heaving sides and a few brave seagulls picked at his skin. Tearing off chunks of white flesh just as toxic as the plastic they had swallowed. He was bigger even than Hermann remembered and he started to feel phantom pain in his neck and shoulders.

    “<Hermann….it’s not really your pain ok?...just try to remember that>”

Gottlieb nodded taking a deep breath. They turned and Newt clicked the pilot comm-link, speaking directly to the other Rangers.

     “You guys stay here and we’ll go ahead. He won’t attack us. We need to see how bad it is before we start to attach the harness…and …”

Occam’s head turned to look at the Samson which stood by idly, Its thin curved visor betraying nothing.

      “Yeah umm…just…stay here.”

The Siren gave a thumbs up and looked down picking at the trash curiously.

   Occam waded through the garbage, filth sticking to his chest and waist as they went. The water would have only come up just past the Samson’s knees but Occam was just not a match in terms of size. The beach was stained with Kotick’s blood, blue tendrils of it swirling into the water, washing in and out with the tide.

   Newton’s brain fizzled with excitement as they reached Kotick’s tail laying half in half out of the water. Like the rest of him it was very seal like but covered with rows of sharp spikes. His back legs were small compared to a Kaiju like Trespasser. All his bulk situated in his neck and arms. They reached out and lay Occam’s long fingered hand gently onto Kotick’s back. The monster stirred waking up. Moving up the beach they brought Occam down on one knee in front of Kotick. They hesitated for a second unsure then reached out. Occam running a metal hand gently over the eyebrow ridges and between the six eyes, petting the Kaiju like it was a family pet. Newt was about to explode, his brain surging with scientific curiosity and Kaiju love. Gottlieb just felt pain...there were gouges and lacerations all over Kotick's face and neck. The Kaiju’s eyes opened and he made a low mournful noise that scattered, echoing through the open sky. The blue eyes looked up and in a strange moment so powerful Gottlieb could not think…it recognized him.

_“ Small voice…”_

The twins crackled over the comm-link, static fuzzing up and breaking Hermann’s concentration.

    “What the fuck are you doing Samson?”

    “Look it’s not hurting them! Stand down!”

    “They told us in the brief meeting that we were here strictly for cover and retrieval!”

The Samson made no reply and just as Gottlieb knew would happen…it approached the helpless Kaiju the scythe already forming from its hand. The worst was that he knew inside…this is what Joyce wanted to happen. The sergeant knew that the Samson would finish the job and he didn’t care. Hermann felt like an idiot…why he had led them here. Why? Because of Kotick…because of Joyce’s threats...Because he had stupidly believed the Samson would follow orders. He had just wanted to pay the Kaiju back. The road to hell is paved in good intentions Gottlieb thought bitterly.

    Newt started to panic his thoughts racing, the drift flickering wildly as memories of Krueger surfaced. The day he was slaughtered and the tropical white beach. Gottlieb reached for Geiszler wishing he could touch him…get his attention back where it belonged.

    “<Don’t Newton. If you go down that road you’ll be after the rabbit again…>

   “<Yeah…hah…oh god I know…I just…it’s just like..>”

   “<NO. Newton no panic attacks! Not now!>”

   The Siren charged its long arms stretching out grabbing the Rebel Samson from behind trying to pull it back into the water. The twins spoke over the shared link voices strained.

     “Look Mr. Sineui…Mrs. Sineui We don’t really want to help a Kaiju either!”

     “In fact it’s kind of disgusted us down to our cores…”

     “But it’s orders! And we should trust the scientists on this!”

     “They probably maybe kinda know what they are doing!”

They made another attempt to pull the Samson down but it was a superior unit, built for combat.  It hunkered low, plowing a fist into the Siren’s head and knocking it sideways. Gottlieb never thought he would see a Jaeger fighting another Jaeger…he had hoped he wouldn’t live long enough to see it. Samson did not use the scythe on the Mech at least. Clearly they were trying to disable the twins and not kill them. Joyce would overlook this…the PPDC and the UN would forgive it… but none of them would condone a Ranger killing another Ranger, especially if they were on the same side. The twins swung an arm clocking the Samson hard on the back of the head. The sounds of grinding metal became unbearably loud as the two teams rained blows, punishing one another.  

Kotick moaned low turning his huge head slowly to watch the fighting. He seemed to recognize the Rebel and cold fear filled Hermann from chest to groin. The Kaiju shifted his weight attempting futilely to escape into the water, opening old injuries in the process. Kotick lifted his head and bellowed. His voice raised in a massive call that shook Occam’s conn-pod. Gottlieb was in the midst of multiple crises. He felt as if he was slowly taking over all the driving…the weight pressing on his skull as Geiszler lost it.  He placed Occam’s body over Kotick protectively unsure what else he could do. Kotick was too big for him to push. The massive creature’s blood splattered Occam, making the paint sizzle wherever it landed. He could buy the Kaiju a little time…maybe when the helicopters came back…There had to be some way to get him out of this alive. He attempted to contact LOCCENT but found only static, Harry Archer’s voice missing from the feed, out of range.

     “<Newton…please…I…>”

   Kotick let out another plaintive call blood dripping from his mouth…and then the Great Pacific garbage patch ruptured. The debris seemed to split at the center and the biggest Kaiju Gottlieb had ever seen breached from it. Rising up out of the trash and filth for what seemed like hours. It threw back its head and opened its gargantuan mouth answering Kotick’s cry.

     “ _Brother_.”

 


	9. When I'm Gone Please Speak Well of Me

   The twin’s voices summed up the entire situation in two simple words.      

     “Holy SHIT!”

 The Kaiju that loomed above them, if categorized, was big enough to be considered at least a category six. The mouth and head were whale-like in appearance, the body thick and hunched. It had two sets of arms, the top most of which were long enough that it could walk on all fours as easily as two. Its haunches were well-muscled and powerful…it looked like it could jump. The tail split in half near the end and each long stalk of muscle ended in a flat Oar-like fin. Despite all this the most striking thing about the Kaiju by far were the protrusions on its back. They were like small mountains made of black obsidian stone. Rising craggy from its spine, the odd spikes made the Kaiju look like a rocky island if viewed above the waterline from a distance. They hadn’t noticed the creature at first because it had had looked like a part of the small island Kotick had beached himself on. Newton was correct…these new Kaiju were developing camouflage abilities. This one looked like an immense walking breathing island.

   The Rebel Samson barely had time to turn before the Kaiju swung out with its tail and knocked the Mech clean off its feet, roaring as it did so. Hermann gaped at it unsure what to do.  He felt his heart start to race and swallowed hard pushing back panic. The first thing was to get Newton back to his senses. Without him he couldn’t move Occam at all and they would be stranded. He bit his lip looking around desperately for inspiration as the Samson began to get back up. Newton was just staring into the distance, the memories of Krueger overpowering his brain. Freezing him like a deer in headlights.

     <oh…FUCK Newton…I hope this works because I will not enjoy it.>

Gottlieb reached out and pulled at his leg brace releasing the lock. With gritted teeth he took a step backward away from Kotick, putting all his and the Jaeger’s weight on his bad leg. The pain was immediate and almost euphoric in its intensity. It cut through the drift and gave the equivalent of an electric shock to their collective brain. Newton screamed and Gottlieb could feel him focusing away from the memories and back on the present.

       <Hermann! Shit! What did you do!>

      <What I….what I had to…>                              

Hermann took small shallow breaths struggling to re-lock his brace. His vision blackened around the edges, the pain so intense even Kotick reacted to it. He whimpered unhappily pushing his heavy upper body forward, leaving a bloody blue trail in his wake. Geiszler started to bear his share of the neural weight and helped Gottlieb hold Occam upright. They raised the mech’s head. The glowing HUD’s creating manic readouts, attempting to assess the gargantuan Kaiju that had been hiding in plain sight. Newt just stared in awe, his voice a shocked whisper.

     “We’re in the last days of Pompeii. And that motherfucker is Vesuvius…”

      “Very poetic Geiszler but not at all helpful! How should we tell the Samson to attack it?”

Newton shook his head snapping out of his trance, he reached out and tapped one of the screens examining a close-up of the Kaiju.

     “I’m still calling it Vesuvius…”

     “FOCUS Geiszler!”

     “Err…well…its only got four eyes…no protective eyebrow ridges…There’s a large pouch protrusion on the front of the throat…maybe for holding fish? Straining krill? It looks like soft tissue. The tail is thin and unarmored…probably easy to chop it so he can’t use it as a whip…”

   The Samson had both of its scythes out now. The Jaeger moved in a tight circle around the lumbering monster looking for openings. It had taken a hard swipe as soon as the Kaiju had surfaced but was trying to make up for lost ground. Newt hit the comm-link and spoke to all the pilots at once. He did his best to keep his voice steady and make the announcement official. Gottlieb felt tendrils of his partner’s fear curling deep in his stomach and bowels.

     “Attention Rebel Samson and Siren Carpathia…this is Occam Pilot Newton Geiszler…The Kaiju’s codename is Vesuvius and um….as operation co-leader my orders are to avoid direct contact as much as possible. Keep distance and aim for throat and eyes. Cut off the tail if possible…arms, legs and back…too much armor...It’s really super bulky so it’s probably really slow when it turns. Um…thank you. Over.”

Gottlieb looked at him eyebrow raised in his helmet.

     “Thank you?”

     “I don’t know! I’ve never lead a mission before!”

There was a long hiss and silence before a melodic female voice Gottlieb did not recognize floated over the comm.

     “Roger that Occam. Siren can you circle around and work on the tail while we handle the throat? Do you have any weapons suitable for cutting?”

The twins had been hanging back out of range. They had seen as much combat as Gottlieb and Geiszler…exactly none. Hermann choked back guilt. He had dragged them out here and now there was a good chance he’d killed them. Sonia’s voice came shakily over the comm and he could almost hear Howard talking somewhere behind her.

    “We…we have a plasma knife for cutting metal…it’s not very big but it can slice through just about anything…”

The Samson drew Vesuvius out towards deeper water away from Kotick. The trash patch was up to its waist now and the Kaiju was growling dangerously as it followed. Steam and water vapor rose from the bone protrusions on its back like air expelled from a whale’s blowhole.

 Mi-Suk Sineui spoke in a calming voice, pronouncing every syllable slowly and carefully as she outlined her plan.

     “Siren…The doctor is correct. We believe it is too heavy to make quick turns…We will keep it distracted and you will use your plasma knife to remove the tail…when this happens it will attempt to turn. That will give us a better opening to strike a death blow in the throat using our short range missiles …Occam do you find this plan acceptable?”

Gottlieb and Geizler answered together taking a step towards the tide line to get a better view as they did.

     “Yes! Proceed!”

Howard popped on and the Siren held up both hands in a shooing motion at Occam.

     “Newt…Doc…you stay there…just…don’t get close. Stay by the other one alright? We don’t want you getting hurt.”

Hermann laughed bitterly and Newt just shook his head before he answered.

      “We’ll be fine. They won’t attack us.”

 

   Vesuvius lunged forward.  It’s mouth was so wide it seemed like it could have taken the Samson in and swallowed it whole. The monster rattled the rock like spines on its back and a thought passed into Hermann’s mind. It wasn’t trying to fight…just scare them off, puffing its body up in a threat display. He was fairly sure that was common for most animals when confronted by something dangerous. The Kaiju was afraid of them.

 The twins moved into position behind Vesuvius, pulling a burning neon knife from an inside compartment of the Sirens leg. The Samson struck out tapping the Kaiju’s face with a blade. Nipping at it like a matador enraging a bull.  The Whateleys grabbed for the tail. After a few agonizing misses they managed to get a grip just below where it split in two and brought the searing blade down. The Kaiju howled trying to shake them off and the Siren Carpathia went down hard into the trash infested water along with a chunk of thrashing tail. Gottlieb screeched at the pain that burned at the base of his spine his voice echoed by Newton and Kotick. The twins had managed to chop off one of the paddle like appendages from the end of Vesuvius’s tail. The severed mass continued to spasm, throwing filth high into the air and flailing like a headless snake. Just as Mi-suk predicted Vesuvius began to turn.

Newton looked at Hermann eyes huge and face addled.

    “They’re killing us!…”

Gottlieb shook his head until his helmet felt loose.

    “It’s the hive. It’s just the hive Newton…it’s not us. Focus on the part of the drift that is me…not the Kaiju.”

Newt nodded and Hermann could almost feel him curl closer mentally. Better he was there then chasing rabbits. There was loud explosion and a roar. The air filled with a white yellow smoke and it felt for a moment like neither of them could breathe. The impression vanished as the smoke dissipated.

 It was immediately clear the Rebel’s missiles had done little but piss Vesuvius off. Blue blood dripped from a few burning wounds in the Kaiju’s throat but this did not even slow it down. The Rebel took a step back in surprise and the hesitation allowed Vesuvius time to grab one of the mech’s outstretched arms. There was a sound of grating metal and ripping wire as the Kaiju wrenched Samson’s arm clean from its socket, dropping it into the ocean with a huge splash. It disappeared swiftly under a layer of Styrofoam and fast food packaging. The comm piece in Hermann’s ear sputtered and Archer’s voice materialized, fractured and anxious.

     “Occam? Come in…Com…. Occam!”

Newt pressed a hand to his helmet and both of them watched as Vesuvius bore down on the Rebel. The Jaeger swung out its remaining scythe, burying the tip in the rough armored skin of the Kaiju’s shoulder. It snapped off with an electric sizzling noise leaving the Samson staring down at half of a shattered weapon. Newt hissed between his teeth and answered Archer.

    “Over…we heard you Harry….it’s not going well. You MAYBE missed a pretty big Kaiju signature on the ole radar buddy. That big fucking signature is currently destroying the Samson! WHOSE PILOTS ARE TRAITORS BY THE WAY.”

Gottlieb glared over at Newton pressing his own comm-link. Getting angry with their LOCCENT tech was just counterproductive.

    “Archer? We need assistance. Are the helicopters returning soon? Could you call in an air strike?”

    “Copters….on…Jaeger…to long….didn’t see!...signatures together…thought…one big one!”

Hermann was so distracted by the Rebel and Archer he barely noticed when the Siren did something incredibly stupid. Getting a running start from as far back as possible the twins sped towards Vesuvius. The Siren grabbed a few of the Kaiju’s protruding back spikes, leg joints groaning in protest as they attempted to push it forward. Vesuvius blinked surprised making another slow turn their direction. One of its smaller arms shot forward and grabbed The Siren tight around the waist latching claws into its back. The damaged Rebel drove what was left of its remaining scythe into the Kaiju’s side but it didn’t even look their way. Putting another enormous arm around the Siren’s shoulders Vesuvius pulled the Jaeger to his chest and began to squeeze, hugging the life out of it.

Occam was running out into the water before Hermann even realized it was happening. He must have had some part of it…he was half the decision after all. The little mech reached out and touched the mountain of monster. They lay a hand gently on one of the scaly arms squeezing the twins. Vesuvius stopped constricting the Siren and looked down at Occam….curious. Gottlieb felt fear and a million different memories of broken Jaegers and Shatterdome funerals blaze through his mind.

    “<Steady Newton…that’s not going to be us.>”

Vesuvius turned his head to the side in a way that was decidedly birdlike and made a curious gravelly noise. It sounded like a rock polisher but didn’t seem aggressive. Hermann closed his eyes and thought at it hard as he could.

     “ _Put…down…monster not hurt anymore… swim…go...go far_ ”

Remembering he and Newt’s pin the tail on the Jaeger game Gottlieb tried to transform the words into images. Showing the Kaiju what he wanted it to do. Put the Siren down…turn and swim away…more monsters would come. Vesuvius snarled eyes clouding over as he listened. On the island Kotick whined and made a miserable chuffing noise. Through the blue of the drift they saw and felt the Kaiju’s answer.

     “ _Brother die. You stay brother….I go. Monsters hurt you_?”

The voice was so loud and powerful it was excruciating. The moment it spoke both Gottlieb and Geiszler’s noses began to gush blood. Hermann took a deep breath and sent images of Occam staying with Kotick in the trash heap.

      “ _We stay. Monsters not hurt us if you put down that one…leave now_.”

There was a long silence full of gull calls and lapping water, then slowly the Kaiju’s arms loosened and the Siren fell back dazedly on its feet. Pain bloomed hot in Gottlieb’s head and he heard Newton groan. The world felt suddenly still. Vesuvius had heard them and understood. Newt blinked hard shakily attempting to click his comm-link twice before he managed to keep the button down.

    “Rebel, Siren…don’t attack…stand down. Let him leave.”

   The Rebel Samson obeyed, even taking a step back to let Vesuvius pass. All three Jaeger watched in astonishment as the Kaiju went down on all fours and bent down close to Kotick where he lay. It pushed its huge head against its brothers rumbling at the white Kaiju in low reassuring tones that Kotick answered weakly. The two hive brothers were saying their goodbyes. With the last of his strength Kotick raised himself up and opened his mouth. There was a horrendous gagging noise and he vomited a massive pile of partially digested food onto the beach. It was clear that most of it came from the cannery raid. Among the fish Hermann could pick out bits and pieces of metal and rubber. Vesuvius leaned down and took all the food carefully into his throat. He didn’t miss one glowing blue bit.

Despite his exhaustion Gottlieb could feel Newton burning with questions. He wanted to pick the Kaiju’s brain clean but already they were both becoming so blind with pain and fatigue Occam was barely staying upright.

Giving one last warbling goodbye to Kotick and the scientists Vesuvius slipped into the water and disappeared under the garbage patch. The small mountains on its back sinking under the water with one last thrash of its mutilated tail.

The twins wobbled towards them. One of their mech’s shoulders had been crushed along with portions of the chest but otherwise the Siren seemed alright.

     “Doc…Newt…did you…”

    “Did you just get it to leave?”

Before he could answer Hermann felt a sharp tug…a voice in his head.

     “ _brother_ ….”

Newton heard it too and looked over at him pained.

    “No dude…I can’t let you get out of the Jaeger…I know what you’re thinking.”

Hermann turned his head and they both just stared at each other’s bloody faces. In their helmets the twins were talking and Harry was trying to get a signal. Outside the Kaiju was in his last moments and the Rebel Samson’s eye shield was flickering as its damaged systems failed. A powerful wave of concern and some other vague emotion he couldn’t place washed over him from Geiszler. It wasn’t anger…it wasn’t trepidation…what was it.

      “I have to Newton. I need to talk to him. I need to touch him and find out what he knows...before he’s gone. I foolishly believed we could bring him to the Fortress and help him… like children bringing home a lost kitten. I was truly being a naïve idiot.”

     “Hermann…when I touched him on the Ontario…I didn’t last long before my brain just couldn’t handle it anymore. That ended with a hole in my head. If you make a direct connection…What if he drags you down? You could…”

Newt looked away fear crawling up his throat and filling his chest.

     “Die.”

Herman finished for him.

    “Yes. I could die. But I won’t….I owe him a debt. Somehow he pulled me out of a dark place…I will be with him when he goes to a darker one.”

Newton shook his head biting his lower lip. He tried to wipe at his bloody nose forgetting he was wearing his relay helmet.

      “<I guess it is your turn to do something dumb and dangerous.>”

 

   In the end, the only way Gottlieb and Geizler were able to climb out of Occam was by making the Jaeger lay on its back and shoving the escape hatch in the side of his head open. Unplugging from the drift made Hermann woozy and he was surprised by the intensity with which he missed Newton in his head the moment they were separated. Both of them had to stand for a few minutes supporting each other on the sandy beach. Geiszler retched several times but managed to keep his bile in his stomach. Gottlieb spoke into his comm-link which for the most part both of them had been ignoring.

     “Sonia…we must go deal with Kotick…please make sure that the Sineui’s are doing alright. I do not think the rebel has full mobility.”

Before the twins or the Rebel could argue Hermann clicked the link off. Newton took off his helmet gingerly and reached up to remove Hermann’s. They stared at each other panting. Newt slipped off his gloves and Gottlieb felt his bare fingers curl around the back of his head and neck…the only parts of him not encased in his Drivesuit. Newt let his forehead drop onto Hermann’s chest plate with dull thud and he kept it there. Touching skin to skin made them both feel calmer. More of that same unidentifiable emotion he couldn’t quite decipher came off Geiszler in bright bursts.

    “<I will be right back. Just...stay here...preferably sitting. It will probably hurt us both.>”

Newt looked at him pleadingly, as if trying to make up his mind. Tentatively the smaller man leaned in very close to Hermann’s face then…pulled back again. He let his hand drop, expression defeated and wistful. Gottlieb swallowed a lump from his throat.

    “<No dude. Where you go I go. I’ll stay close and watch…maybe take some notes on the Kaiju...>

They walked towards the white bloated mass of Kotick. Gottlieb realized somewhere along the tide line that he was walking without any kind of support. Outside the adrenaline and the desire to get to Kotick he felt very little. He barely felt it when his leg buckled and collapsed under him, unable to support his weight anymore. He tumbled into the sand and rocks going down hard. Geiszler attempted to help him up but he was already crawling doggedly forward, using one of Kotick’s huge front claws to get upright again. He staggered, ignoring the poisonous blood pooling all around him. Newton nearly stepped in a puddle and jumped backwards.

     “Hermann be careful… There’s Blue everywhere.”

Gottlieb gave Newton a reassuring wave. He could hear the Kaiju’s voice in his head, feel the pain in his neck…his head and back. He looked up his lungs an aching raw mass as he tried to breath in the ammonia vapor spilling hot off Kotick’s body. The Kaiju leaned towards him and made a soft growling noise. Shaking under his heavy Drift armor Hermann collapsed against the monster pressing into the skin of its jaw. A cold wind played with his hair and chilled the hot sweat running down the back of his neck. He took off his gloves one at a time and placed them on the Kaiju’s scales…he felt the same immediate connection that came when he held Newton’s hand. And with it came the rush of images and feelings…

_He is sleeping in a reef made of red jewels and has eaten his first octopus. It is the most delicious thing he has ever tasted. He turns rocks over delicately with a claw…searching for more. He sleeps close to the surface of the water listening to the voices of the hive. He hears the Small Voice for the first time. The Small Voice is weeping and the sound is unlike any of the other brothers of the hive. The Small Voice wants to die. This does not make sense when there are still octopi left to eat and hive brothers to speak to. The fissure will open and more will come. In the connection and in dreams he lets the Small Voice swim with him showing him that there are things that are good._

_The Small Voice is now on the water. The small hive brother does not know the hive but is in it. Knows nothing and is now on the water. The Small Voice calls him. He comes to the floating shell that smells of food and another speaks. He knows this hive brother too. He knows this hive brother because his thoughts are fast. The Fast-Thinker asks him to leave… he leaves. He did not mean to hurt… but he hurts them both. They are too small. He does not understand and neither does the Fast-Thinker. All they take from him is pain._

_He is so hungry. He must take food to the fissure. He must take food for the...HSSSSSSS_

Hermann heard Kotick say the word in his brain but it had no English translation and he didn’t understand it. It sounded like static and he had an accompanying image of something huge in a dark enclosed place. He wanted to ask about it but didn’t know how...the Kaiju’s emotions and images already pushing heavily on his brain. He gagged but didn’t taste the blood running from his mouth where he had bitten his tongue, didn’t notice the warm stream of blood gushing from his nose and trickling from his glowing blue eyes. He can see himself looking up pale and scared from the deck of Ontario. He can see Newton raising his arms up to welcome him…neither of them understood. How could they? It’s just as Kotick said…they are simply too small.

_The hunger is too much…the hive HSSSSSSS calls… He must bring food to the fissure. The shell on the land smells too good. Monster comes…pain. The Small Voice had warned him. He is dying. It is good not to die alone. Larger brother comes but monster comes too…brother leaves…He does not want the monster to hurt more hive brothers…not Fast-Thinker….not the Small Voice._

Hermann was dimly aware of the thick blue drop of Kotick’s blood as it slid down from his jagged teeth and narrowly missed the bare flesh of his hand. His heart was fluttering so fast it couldn’t keep a steady rhythm. Reality wavered as Kotick died. Memories flashed at random from the Kaiju’s brain and Gottlieb was shocked to find that some of them were his, things that the Kaiju had gleaned from the hivemind. Pressing his entire body taut against the hot rubbery skin Hermann grabbed at one of the passing memories. In it he is three years old and sick with an ear infection. His mother is singing a lullaby…she didn’t sing often and the memory is so vivid.

     “...Der Mond ist aufgegangen,…Die goldnen Sternlein prangen...Am Himmel hell und klar...”

The words escaped in soft gasps and Hermann didn’t even realize he was singing. The blue light burned in his eyes and he snatched at more images, trying in vain to find where the fissure was…what was in it. He couldn’t find what he wanted. Hermann slipped from English and back into German as he muttered the old lullaby sinking steadily towards delirium.

     “In the heavens bright and clear…. The forest stands dark and silent… Und aus den Wiesen steiget...”

     “ _Small voice ...cold….dark…….._ ”

 

Arms wrapped around Hermann’s waist, trying feebly to pull him away. Kotick let out a one last rattle of air and went still. In Gottlieb’s head his voice blew out like an overloaded fuse, the pain was incredible. Hermann went ragdoll limp trying to draw in enough breath to cry out. Newton was wiping frantically at his suit trying to get remnants of the Kaiju blue away from his skin and eyes.

     “Hermann...buddy…it’s ok…I’m right here …”

Gottlieb tried to focus on him a strange pressure moving through his brain. He felt a warm drop of blood fall from Geiszler’s nose onto his cheek. Newton looked terrible. His pupils seemed to be pulsing with pain and he could barely keep his head up. Hermann watched him gasp and cough into his shoulder.

    “N-newt?…”

Geiszler laughed and choked on a sob. When he spoke his voice was heavy and forced.

    “Now? You chose right now to call me...that’s so fucking YOU Hermann...oh no don’t…”

Hermann felt his muscles tighten into convulsing masses. They were both having trouble catching their breath. Newton lay Gottlieb down and collapsed next to him still hugging his chest.

     “Hermann… please don’t go into shock…I don’t think we can handle it…”

Hermann realized that his vision was going very dark at the edges. He felt loopy, his brain was starving for oxygen and his heartbeat was broken. Overhead there was the sound of helicopters and the twins screaming in the distance. The ghost-drift hovered at the back of his brain, right next to the empty space where Kotick used to be… where the hive still lived. Turning his head he felt sand and plastic grind against the back of his skull. His vision tunneled and there was a dull weight under his sternum that didn’t bode well. Geiszler looked into his face and Gottlieb saw a reflection of everything he felt. Newt managed a small half-smile his eyes closing.

     “You know what…sucks…about being…a rock star?…”

Hermann didn’t answer coughing, a bloody pink froth dripped from his lips. He found Newton’s hand on his chest and squeezed it listlessly.

The ocean nearly drowned him out when Newt answered his own question.

     “They usually die…too young.”

The twins and the noise…the rush and the madness were closing in. The last thing Hermann heard before he slipped away was Newt’s breathless voice close to his ear.

      “<I love you…>”

 

   The leaders of the free world were bickering like children. They had been talking for several hours and Gottlieb watched the live-footage impassively. The representative from what was currently being called The Union of Interior States was sweating profusely. Whatever he said to the president of the now shrunken United States was shouted rather than spoken. The News Network moderator kept interrupting them trying to get his questions answered.

     “Why did the UN not inform the people of the world about Fortress I and Fortress II immediately? Why did all or your individual countries LIE to their people? As far as the world knew the Jaeger program had been decommissioned!”

The US president shook her head and scowled trying to change the subject quickly.

     “And yet the so called UIS has been secretly developing its OWN Jaeger program without the UN or the US government’s knowledge! Our program was for continued vigilance against Kaiju attacks and for the well being of the free world. The UIS has developed Jaegers for no other purpose then to wage war on human beings!”

There was more shouting. Garbled words all mixing together and Hermann tried to pick out who looked the most furious. It was a close race. The ambassador from Russia was probably turning the most impressive shade of purple.

     “It is reprehensible that the first use of this new Jaeger program was unnecessary force against AMERICAN CITIZENS in California!”

The president paled a bit, looking around to see who had spoken.

    “It is…regrettable that the Foxglove Jupiter had to be utilized in this way but…it was a matter of national security…Our Jaegers will continue to fight with our military forces, especially now that we find a civil war on our hands and our own states asking for foreign aid in starting it.”

The UI ambassador pounded a fist on the polished table in the immaculate television studio.

    “We perceive the Jaeger stationed on our Kansas border as a declaration of war and see no fault in asking help from allies internationally…”

There was more screaming and more banging on the table, shuffling of papers and uncomfortable shifting of the camera from one representative to the next.

    “This is madness Mr. Ambassador...”

The British prime minister cut them both off. He looked ready to have a heart-attack at any moment.

    “All this is unimportant! Ladies…Gentlemen…the Kaiju HAVE returned. First the cannery in Alaska and now the processing plant in Hawaii. How long before they start attacking major cities once again?  In many places the wall of life has yet to be fin….”

The French president threw up his arms in exasperation.

    “Be damned the wall! We already have our international program in place with the Fortress Shatterdomes. Should we not use it? Wasting our Jaegers on silly internal squabbles when monsters are coming back?”

The Network moderator looked out of his depth. He tried to interrupt but things were already way beyond his control. The president was so close to the UIS ambassador their noses almost touched as she spoke.

     “How can we be confident in the security of our borders if we are sending Jaegers out to chase Kaiju that we…”

 A hand flicked the TV off and Esther Sendak looked down at Gottlieb.

     “I regret allowing the twins to bring that in here.”

He just stared blankly past her at the rusty metal wall of his dormitory room.

She sighed and sat down cross-legged on Newt’s mattress where it still lay beside Gottlieb’s bed. She set out her notebook and recorder, pulling a pen from her pocket along with a few of her good tea-bags.

     “Are you still giving me the silent treatment today Doctor?”

He closed his eyes and turned in the bed so his back was to her.

     “Ah. Well then I’ll do like I did yesterday and sit here through the session speaking to myself then shall I?”

Hermann curled himself up as much as his body would allow and pushed under the pile of quilts the twins had somehow acquired for him. It was difficult with the oxygen mask but he managed.

     “I just finished my session with Dr. Geiszler. He’s doing better today. As unhappy about the separation as you are I’m sure. When we spoke about his brush with Kaiju Blue today...He told me that he had swallowed more dissecting intestines and eating Chinese take-out at the same time. I do not doubt that at all…but we have to follow the rules.”

   Hermann closed his eyes hoping he would be able to fall asleep. That’s all he had been doing for a week. He didn’t know how long he and Newton had been out after the fight with Vesuvius. It had been a week since he first came to his senses. The only people he had seen outside of infirmary personnel were Sendak and a brief half-awake flicker of the twins when they brought him the TV. He suspected no one was allowed to speak to him except for the psychiatrist.

 Hermann realized in his moments awake that he was desperately depressed. He had experienced this same malaise when he left Hong Kong and when he and Vanessa separated. He felt very little, including Newton. Inside him there was grief and an icy numbness only assuaged by sleep. So he slept. For as many hours as he possibly could.

     “I saw the summit was going badly. Not surprising. I don’t want you to be worried about that...You and Dr. Geiszler have this odd tendency to think that unsolvable problems are your personal responsibility.”

She waited patiently but Hermann only stared in the opposite direction, ignoring her. He heard her stand up and there was a distinct clatter as she filled his tea kettle in the bathroom and set it to boil on his hotplate. She found his chipped cups on top of his mini fridge and rooted around searching for sugar.  She spoke casually her voice smoothly gliding into her next question like she was asking him about the weather.

     “So when did you first meet Dr. Geiszler?...you’ve worked with him a long time…did you speak to him first? I’m curious when you two first became friendly, if you could feel the natural compatibility right from the start.”

He knew he should have felt embarrassment at the forwardness at her question but the depression blanketed everything in a thick layer of apathy. He turned over and lay on his back, eyes on the ceiling. She was attempting to use Newton to get a rise out of him.

     “…Dr Gottlieb?”

She sounded worried. The kettle began to whistle and she got up to take it off the burner.

 “Doctor…I know you’re feeling depressed. I can’t begin to understand what it felt like when that Kaiju died…I’m not going to pretend I know what you’re feeling…I just want to help you.”

She was pleading now. There was not a trace of the psychiatrist in her voice. There was no reason to oblige. He was fairly certain that anything he said she would just report back to Joyce. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.

      “Are we being secluded so they can interrogate use separately? Find out what secrets we gleaned from the animal’s skull?…Punish us for something we did? I told you when I first woke up…It was too large, too difficult…I couldn’t grasp it all...”

She shook her head her head firmly and poured two cups of hot water for tea setting them carefully on his bedside table.

     “…I promise you Hermann. I promise that the only reason you are being kept apart is because Newton is in under observation for Blue poisoning…and because you two have a tendency to share pain when you’re physically close. It would be uncomfortable for you to be in the infirmary with him…you would be in what I call the feedback loop. It’s rare but some of the best pilots have this problem, the ones very deeply connected…and now I’m afraid …well. Newton isn’t displaying symptoms of depression but…”

     “I see…”

     “You’ll see him soon I promise, probably tomorrow or the day after. Hopefully by then the medication I’m giving you will make you feel better…I just…”

She rubbed her temples and lowered herself back down to Newton’s mattress. Leaned herself on the side of Hermann’s bed pressing her head into the covers.

    “I’m sorry Doctor…it’s just become overwhelming…I…”

     “I met Geiszler at a party. He approached me first.”

She looked up curious her dark eyes full of interest and more than a hint of surprise. Hermann felt a lingering weariness but past that only sympathy for her despite himself. He knew what it was like to have a difficult job.

      “Well…perhaps it was a not a party as much as an informal get-together for all the different departments of the Tokyo K-science division. The idea was we should be acquainted with one another. The departments were varied and well populated then. Residents with specializations in all branches, some there were veterans and some were newcomers like myself. Dr. Geiszler had been with the biology division for awhile but tended to bounce from department to department for different projects because of his varied degrees. I had a passing familiarity with his work. Why would I not…he is brilliant. It may surprise you Dr. Sendak but I do not…thrive…in a social environment.”

Sendak sipped her tea and stealthily hit the record button on her digital recorder.

    “I…”

     “That was sarcasm Doctor. To get to the crux of it I stood somewhat apart from the rest and had not spoken to anyone all evening. I had only attended because the division head had declared it mandatory. Geiszler seemed to be well-known by everyone…he has an easy time with people. Something I lack. I noticed him because it seemed like he was flirting with half the room and I thought it was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen.”

    “Did you talk to him?”

“He approached me …as I was leaving. He knew who I was and my work and preformed the same song and dance he had with everyone else. There was nothing special to be culled from it. Then he spilled an entire glass of contraband rum and cherry soda on my best cashmere sweater.”

Esther snorted as she tried to suppress a chuckle gesturing for him to continue.

    “Well I did not find it humorous…it was a good sweater, a birthday gift from my sister if I recall.  I…well...I was tired and in bad humor from everything and I took it out on him. Possibly more then was necessary. I ranted for awhile and drew some…ire from his friends. He just watched me mutely the entire time. Like I was some fascinating specimen he had just stumbled upon...something that needed further study. He was probably intoxicated.”

Gottlieb sighed heavily eyes glazed slightly as he tried to remember. Tried to bulldoze past the barriers depression seemed to have constructed around his memory.

     “He didn’t even apologize. He just followed me to the door and kept…gaping at me. Then he grinned like an idiot, thanked me politely for the conversation and told me he would see me soon. I informed him that if I ever saw him again it would be TOO soon.”

Sendak just smiled at him hugging her long legs to her chest, her chin perched on her knees.

     “…and you saw him again right away?”

    “Yes. I was assigned my lab very late the next day. When I walked in he was already setting up his section. After which I was never able to escape him…not for too long anyway.”

     “Did you really want to? I mean…did you really hate him in the beginning?”

Hermann thought about it reaching to pull his oxygen mask down around his neck so he could drink the tea Sendak had brought him. He realized with surprise talking had made him feel a bit more human, less like an empty husk and more like himself.

     “I…I am not sure. I respected him always. It would he been unprofessional not to. He had achieved so much even then. I do not think I ever truly hated him Dr. Sendak…I just did not UNDERSTAND him.”

Sendak pulled her computer bag open and rooted around, removing a small container of food. She offered him some bread, spreading it with a little package of what passed for butter in Fortress. He took it and tried a small nibble. He had barely touched anything they had given him to eat. He hadn’t felt hungry and lamented over the fact that he had probably lost any of the flight weight he had managed to gain.

     “You feel like you don’t understand him in particular? Other people are easier to figure out?”

     “Other people are easy to figure out because most of them avoid me and I do not have to think about them. I thrive on being disliked. But Newton…”

Sendak put a slice of apple into Gottlieb’s hand folding his long slender fingers around it.

    “Newton has never disliked you...despite what I can only assume are your best efforts.”

Hermann pushed himself into a better position to eat and his eyes went soft as he remembered what Newton had whispered on the beach. There was a faraway feeling of dread. He had worked so hard to keep all these things under control. But now like everything else the bindings were coming undone and there was nothing he could do about it.

     “No. Even with our bickering, empty threats and bitter quarrels…all of the malicious things I’ve said to him…I do not believe for a moment he has disliked me.”

He took a mouthful of the apple.

     “…Nor I him.”

The apple tasted good. Not too sweet and complimentary with the tea. He took the next piece she offered still lost in thought.

     “I think more people like you then you seem to think Dr. Gottlieb…pretending otherwise is just a coping mechanism of someone that’s been hurt.”

Esther looked down thoughtfully and turned off her recorder with a jarring click.

    “This is completely unprofessional of me to say Dr. Gottlieb…and I will understand if you are upset with me for my informality but… Newton loves you. He has been so patient with you…more so then I could ever be.”

Hermann winced like he had been struck.

     “We are colleagues yes…and friends. We will never be anything more. I do not think that kind of relationship would be appropriate…nor appreciated by my family or the scientific community.”

    “That’s the most selfish thing you’ve said yet.”

Hermann looked at her startled by her bluntness.

     “You’re just thinking only about yourself Dr. Gottlieb and in a very shallow short-sighted way. I don’t know how fine a point I must put on this. He was sick without you…he…oh the best word I could use is withered. He withdrew and he languished. I should know I am his psychiatrist. I understand that his health isn’t really your responsibility but… from even our brief sessions together it’s apparent to me you’re just as bad off without HIM. ”

She raised her voice and the color flushed from her cheeks as she went on. Hermann guessed she probably had a list of things she had wanted to say to him for a long time.

     “This should come as no surprise to you…you’ve worked and lived and drifted together. I would be willing to bet everything you reciprocate ALL his feelings!  Just…just stop acting like a coward!”

She held a hand to her mouth and cringed embarrassed.

    “Oh Dr. Gottlieb I’m sorry…I’m sorry that was way beyond what I meant to….”

Hermann smiled weakly at her and shrugged slipping his oxygen mask back over his mouth, taking a deep breath.

     “No. I am a coward…I have been my entire life. Everyone is correct in all their assumptions about me. I am a foul, ill-tempered prude who enjoys being miserable. I’m sure I’ve missed some choice insults…I’ve amassed a collection over the years.”

He felt defeat well up inside him and the depression flare, draining the energy from his body.

     “No. you aren’t like that. Newton knows who you are. You should try and take a step back…and look at yourself through his eyes Doctor. When I listen to him talk about you…and when I listen to you talk about yourself…it’s like I’m hearing about two completely different people.”

Putting her things away Sendak stood to leave. She paused to check his eyes, reached for his neck to take his pulse.

    “He’s all ready to get up…and get back in that Jaeger with you. Even after all this.”

     “I said he was brilliant…I never said he was smart.”

She shook her head at him with a frustrated sigh and put a whole apple into his hand.

     “Would you like me to turn the television back on? Where is the head and leg pain level so I can mark it down…we need to be careful balancing your anti-depressants with the painkillers.”

      “Head is a three…leg is a five…and if you would please leave it on with the volume low. The noise is reassuring even if I am not paying attention.”

Sendak walked over to where the little flat panel TV sat perched on his dresser and clicked it back on. The summit was still going on but some of the representatives at the table appeared to be missing. A water pitcher was turned over and the ambassador from Spain was wiping his face.

     “Well…there’s a story there. I’ll see you tomorrow Doctor…buzz the infirmary if you need something.”

Gottlieb watched her go and stared aimlessly at the TV. He only paid attention to what was going on for a few minutes before his thoughts drifted elsewhere. He wished he could talk to Vanessa. She was a goddess of good advice and a solid rock in times of crisis. Pain seeped up his leg into his stomach upsetting what little contents it held as he thought about her. She wouldn’t want to talk to him. Did she even think of him anymore? He hoped not. Not after what had happened. He hoped she had found a man like the ones in the bad romance novels she secretly loved. He wanted her and he wanted Geiszler. The need for Newton was agonizing. He dropped his hand down over the bed but there was no one there to grab his fingers.

 Taking a long pull of oxygen deep into his lungs Herman reached out and attempted to find Newt. He focused on the buzz in the back of his skull and pushed at it curious. It seemed to fizzle like radio static and grow warm, chattering gleefully at him. Gottlieb tried to pick out words from it but it was all feelings and flickering half-memories. It was uncomfortably similar to his last moments with Kotick. Hermann whispered quietly to himself, The TV noise and the flow of oxygen nearly drowning out his voice.

     <I love you too.>

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your support people who are reading this. Your comments and feedback are wonderful.


	10. Hidden Depths

_He can hear their voices. He tries at first to count them but there are too many. Their voices all blend together into one song. He can’t stop…he joins them, his voice rising into the cacophony of sorrowful noise. The water is filled with the sounds of grief. The Kaiju are mourning Kotick. Did they cry for the dead before? In the deepest currents he can feel bodies the size of tankers moving smoothly through the dark. They fear the monsters above and now the first of the newborn brothers has fallen. He is surprised that in the jumble of emotions …anger is absent. Were the Kaiju ever angry to begin with? They are only frightened animals…only tools. He feels a body surface in the still cold water of the Pacific Ocean. The Kaiju gives a howl that seems to shake the moon in the sky. The world must know…our brother is gone._

 

   Gottlieb wasn’t sure which woke him up, the unexpected weight on his bed or the strong smell of scotch. He squinted blearily into the dark scared for a moment when he didn’t recognize the dark figure sitting at the foot of his bed. Fumbling blindly for the lamp switch he knocked over a bottle of pills and caught a glimpse of his alarm clock. It was just past three-o-clock in the morning. The lamp sputtered to life and light burned through Hermann’s aching brain. Balor Floor groaned miserably raising a hand to his eyes to shield them from the sudden glare.

     “Boy…yeh trying ta blind meh?”

Hermann stared in open-mouthed shock as Balor raised bloodshot eyes to glower at him. The little man looked like he had been crying. There was oil on Flood’s face but Hermann could see clean streaks where tears had flowed. The room was uncomfortably silent until Balor hiccupped and took a long pull from a small hip flask, breaking the strange spell.

     “Sir…what are you…”

     “I thought when tha war was over…I’d retire somewhere an ...i dunno...raise sheep er whatnot…pigs...Geh a lil farm…”

Balor rubbed the back of his neck with a filthy hand and offered Hermann the flask. He wiggled it and liquid tinkled inside. There was an engraving of a Jaeger with a stags head on the front of the silver container. The deer-head Mech was encircled with Gaelic that Hermann couldn’t read. He shook his head trying to be polite, still unsettled by Balor Flood sitting coolly on his quilts.

    “I...should not drink alcohol with my medication sir but thank you…”

    “Ah…nah…I shoulda thought a tha. They probably gah yeh feeling nah pain at all eh? Hah…wish I was on that myself…Gah the broke collarbone an I ruined mah back long time ago lifting a metal foot off a man…didn’ make nae difference. Poor bastard was crushed ta death anyway buh eh…”

Balor wiped at his nose with a dirty sleeve and stared at his boots like he didn’t really see them. He looked like his mind was many miles and many years away. Balor’s left arm was in a tight brace because of his shattered collarbone. He could use his left hand but every time he moved his neck he would wince slightly. Guilt crawled in Hermann’s chest. He had done that…and being provoked wasn’t a good enough excuse for his actions.

       “…Dr. Flood?”

Hermann sat up and reached out to set a gentle hand on Balor’s shoulder. The old man shrugged him off and growled a little under his breath.

    “Don geh any ideas yeh ruddy great fairy…Ah was jus...they wouldn’ leh me visit yeh. I ad to sneak in. You’re my pilot. Even if ah didn’ pick yeah out. Yer still MY pilot an they ain’t gah no right ta not let me see you an Inkstains. If yeh geh urt I ave a right ta know...”

Flood let out a great barking smokers cough that rumbled deep in his chest. He hawked, pulling some unpleasant bit of gunk from his lungs and spit it in a handkerchief. Tired as he was, it took Hermann few minutes to decipher Balor’s thick drunken accent. When he finally translated, he realized that the man was showing something perilously close to concern.

     “Well yeh ain’t dead. S’good to know…I gah nothing nice ta wear to a funeral.”

Pushing himself up slowly Gottlieb tilted his head slightly to the side, bemused. He and Newton had been afraid of this man that was the funniest part of it. He terrified them.      

      “Sir…may I ask…”

      “Did yeh see em?”

The Irishman pushed close to Gottliebs’s face. His breath was so strong it actually burned Hermann’s eyes.

     “See ….who sir?”

Balor pulled at his frizzy hair uncomfortably.

     “Yeh were in Inkstain’s head yeah? Was Sean in there?”

Understanding dawned and Gottlieb thought immediately of the little boy and his uncle in the graveyard. The flickering man made of light that went out like a candle.

     “Memories of him. I saw…memories of Sean Patrick Dr. Balor.”

The old engineer’s eyes teared up. He snuffling drunkenly and shook his head.

     “Eh…was such a good boy…eh looked so much like is mum. Why…why did I ave to outlive em? It ain’t right when the young die before the old. Tho...lookin at tha world...I wonder if eh didn die afor things turned ta complete shite.”

     “From…what I gather Sean seemed like a good person Dr. Balor…he was kind to Newton…”

Balor’s rough craggy face split into a pained smile.

    “Aye...eh was tough but fair with Inky. Sean liked em. Told meh so. Said eh was funny. God help em…pff…eh was always soft on tha strays.”

Hermann grimaced at Newton being called a stray. He wasn’t sure if he liked it, Geiszler wasn’t some lost dog… he was a world renowned genius. Gottlieb kept his peace. It would be stupid to pick a fight with Balor over his choice of words.

     “Eh told them tha…them piloting was a bad idea…they both did…They didn’ lissen an neither did I…an those bastards …they were ‘urting you two…after all tha…fer fucking what?…fer fucking what reason?…do people nah matter anymore?

Balor looked ill and belched morosely, leaning his head into his good hand. He was prattling and Hermann was having trouble following his train of thought.

      “Sir..i..”

      “Shut up yeh great gangly idiot…jus..leh meh enjoy yer company without yeh gabblin on.”

Balor was quiet for so long Hermann didn’t even realize he was nodding off until there was a rough prod in his chest and he jolted upright. Flood was watching him intently. He and his nephew had the same electric blue eyes Gottlieb noted drowsily. He had never even noticed Balor’s eye color before.

      “You an the inky idiot…yer the only tie I gah left to mah Sean…do you unnerstand why I have ta be rough with ye? Eh?”

Hermann just nodded and tried to stifle a yawn. Balor sighed low and drained the last of whatever was in his flask down his throat in desperate gulps. He reached towards the floor and picked up something near his feet. It was wrapped in a grease stained tarp and smelled like the Hangar floor. The little man pressed it roughly into Hermann’s hands, rumbling at him.

     “Open eh..”

Gottlieb considered it a moment before wrinkling his nose and primly peeling back the mucky grey cover. He recognized the top of his cane immediately and pulled the shining bone handle away from the wrapping. Aside from the carved top his cane had been completely rebuilt. It was made of a smooth blue-black metal that curved elegantly down to sit on a tough scuff-prove base. Hermann ran a tentative hand over the surface and marveled at the light material, the strange shape.

     “When yeh push yer weight on eh it’ll tense an give yeh extra support...I designed eh myself. S’made from a piece ah Occam’s Skeleton.”

There was a tightness in Gottlieb’s throat and he tried to swallow it. His eyes found Balor’s.

     “I…don’t know what to say sir...”

     “Don say nothing. Don yeh breath a fucking word bout this to anyone yeh gimpy nitwit. Things are only gonna geh harder from here on out…The Sineui’s are going ta Fortress II…Tha Samson’s going with em...All because of you an yer pet monster. All our Jaeger will ave to be fitted fer combat…even tha Razor. More pilots are coming ere…real warriors. Yer hurting now?…the hurts only gonna geh deeper.”

The cane glinted dangerously in Hermann’s hands and he rubbed a thumb unconsciously over the grinning carving of Slattern.

     “Yes sir.”

Balor picked up the tarp he had wrapped the cane in and stuffed it into the space between his chest and sling.   

    “My Jaeger used ta be called the Quest Razor…did yeh know tha?”

     “Occam? I…no. I didn’t know that.”

     “Well…Inkstain’s changed it. An it was one ah the only things eh did I ever agreed wit…buh don you ever tell em tha. Only telling ya this cause I’m completely scuttered.”

   Balor had a difficult time standing up. He weaved erratically towards the dormitory door and punched his good fist into the wall dry heaving. Hermann was tempted to get to his feet and try to help the man, but knew his good intentions would probably only earn him bile in return. The old man hacked again, coughing on his own ruined lungs. A lifetime of disappointment and cigarettes were apparent on his face when he turned.

     “You an the madman. You two ….Sean would be proud of ye...”

Then he was gone, the door slamming behind him. Gottlieb eventually drifted back to sleep the cane still squeezed tight in both hands.

 

   When Hermann woke the next morning he realized the only thing keeping him in bed was himself. There were no armed guards in front of his door, no military force that would keep him from walking down the hall. He still felt dim pain in his head and chest, but the oxygen wasn’t necessary anymore. It was time to get up and do something. He felt a blessed release from the depression symptoms and wasn’t sure if he needed to thank Sendak’s medication or Balor Flood’s visit…or both.

Gottlieb sat on the edge of his bed staring into space. He lay a hand on his chest and rubbed it thoughtfully over his ribs. The first day he woke he had been conscious for only a few minutes. He had been in some backwoods hospital in nowhere Alaska. They hadn’t brought him and Newt back to Fortress I right away. The distance would have killed them. A nurse there had said something about lasting damage to his heart…he tried hard to remember what he had heard but it was all a great fuzzy mess. Sacrifices…both he and Newton had suffered something permanent, something that would most likely shorten their lives.

As he got dressed Hermann realized at some point between pulling on his pants and buttoning his shirt he had started to cry. Tears flowing hot down his cheeks. It struck him quite suddenly that Kotick was dead. He had lost a friend he didn’t even know he had, a friend he barely knew. He was weeping for Kotick while working for an organization that existed only to wipe the earth clean of Kaiju infection. Well…that’s why the PPDC used to exist anyway. The human race was going to destroy itself and here he was feeling more sympathy for an alien monster. His worst fears were coming true, the Kaiju were changing him. It wasn’t a physical change. He wasn’t growing scales or spitting acid but… he was changing. In the whole confusing mess the only stable thing was Newton. The irony was not lost on him.

Hermann washed his face and waited for the tears to stop, turning on his TV to listen to the news.  The UIS had sent out two Jaegers, one to the Kansas border and the other to the edge of Utah. Nevada was still loyal to the United States and there was talk of sending military there. Russia surprisingly was siding with the USA while China’s loyalties were split. The war, when it started in earnest, was going to be bloody and long. Gottlieb ran numbers through his head…old habits. He tallied a rough measure of casualties then ran another simulation that included nuclear weapons. Every scenario came back with the same result. Thousands of civilians were going to die. More than the Kaiju had killed and possibly more than those killed from secondary Blue poisoning. Before he turned off the TV there was a small story about the Kaiju attack in Hawaii. The monster had attacked a turkey processing plant near Kahului on the island of Maui. It had gone back to the ocean before the Jaeger deployed to kill it even made it to the scene. There had been no casualties. It seemed strange that a Kaiju attack did not even come close to being the leading story.

 

Balor’s cane was the best walking aid Hermann had ever used. The strange shape recoiled slightly when he took a step and gave him more momentum when he walked. It was also much quieter. The padded bottom didn’t clack nearly as loud as the hard plastic he was used to. He shook his head and marveled that a Jaeger engineer had thrown this together…a drunk Jaeger engineer at that. He took a few long laps around the dormitory floor but saw no other pilots. Despite the painfully overwhelming need to see Newton he realized that the infirmary would be full of staff who knew he wasn’t supposed to be out of bed. The lab would be safe. He could think there.

People avoided him completely in the elevator and on the hangar floor. Gottlieb heard the mechanics whispering as he walked past and felt heat flush up his neck. Keeping an eye out for the Samson team, he walked quickly down the hidden corridor to S-lab. The sudden rush of icy air made him go weak in the knees with relief. Halfway down the entryway Hermann felt a sharp pain in his head…an itchy sensation on the back of his neck. Then he heard the singing.

     “Don’t know much about HIS-TORY…don’t know much BI-O -LOGY…don’t know much about a science book…don’t know much about the French I took….but I do know that I love you…and I know that if you love me too…what a wonderful world this would be…”

Gottlieb quickened his pace. The sweet scratchy voice was belting out a song he didn’t recognize. Newton was in the lab and he was singing.

     “Don’t know much about GEO-GRAPH-Y. Don’t know much TRIG-O-NOM-ITRY…don’t know much about algebra don’t know what a slide rule is for…but I do know one and one is two…”

 Coming around the corner near Gogmagog’s jawbone he spied Newton. The man was sitting atop a ladder and throwing big chunks of frozen meat into the Kaiju tapeworm’s tank. Seeing him made Hermann’s heart race. He felt his body moving forward, drawn to the man like a magnet.

      “I don’t claim…to be an A student. But I’m TRYING to be. For maybe by being an A student baby…I can win your love for me…”

      “That song doesn’t really suit you Newton…you do know very much about Biology and a fair amount of some of the other subjects mentioned...”

Geiszler looked over startled, spotted him and nearly fell.  He took the ladder rungs two at a time and hit the ground running. Newt stopped a few inches from Gottlieb, nearly dancing in place with the desire to touch him. Hermann made no effort to reach out and they both just stood and stared at each other. Pain and relief burned both ways through the connection and Hermann felt a lingering sort of nausea.

     “I am…glad to see you are alright Newton.”

Newt’s bright eyes scanned his face, his body and the new cane taking it all in. He bounced on the balls of his feet clenching and unclenching his hands.

      “Hermann man …I am so glad to see you. It’s been a fucking nightmare. I snuck out to feed Spinoza because I’m the only one who will and I didn’t want to come down to find a dead tapeworm. I figured if I tried to sneak in to see you they would take my ass right back to the infirmary. I’m fine! The headache is better no brain swelling this time around. Plus the rash from the Blue is almost gone…you can barely see it…well the tattoos are part of that but STILL. Where'd you get the cool cane?”

The words poured out of Newton as the man made a very unsubtle effort to creep closer.

     “The cane was a gift...we will leave it at that. I am glad you are recovering from the Blue exposure...I had been concerned.”  
     “Forget me are YOU ok? They wouldn’t tell me what was wrong and it was hard to feel you when I was hurting so bad. I saw you with the pink foam…you know around…”

He gestured to his mouth and made an unpleasantly accurate imitation of Hermann’s face on the beach, twitching as he did.

     “That usually means fluid in the lungs or like...”

Hermann watched him talk…and marveled at how wonderful just watching was. His chest tightened, a supernova of warmth throbbing at its center. He coughed to interrupt the endless babbling torrent streaming out of his partner’s mouth and nodded towards his workspace.

     “Will you turn on my heaters please Newton…I’d like to sit down...”

     “Oh dude! Rude of me! I’m on it!”

Hermann picked up a piece of chalk and stared up at his boards with a heavy sigh.

    “We need to talk…we need to figure out what to do…”

Newton ran over to his own workspace and rolled his chair up as near to Hermann’s as he thought the man would tolerate. The heaters chugged into life warming the frigid s-lab air. With a soft click of chalk on board Gottlieb started to write. He wasn’t writing numbers this time around and when he finally sat next to Newton the board read…

Unknowns-

  1. Number of Kaiju?
  2. Location of Fissure?
  3. Nature of Fissure?
  4. Contents of Fissure?



 

Knowns-

  1. Kaiju do not harm humans unless provoked or accidently harvested with other food.
  2. Kaiju are collecting food and taking it back to the Fissure.
  3. Kaiju feel emotional bonds and will help members of the Hive.
  4. Kaiju will not attack Newton Geiszler and Hermann Gottlieb. Honorary Hive members.



 

Newton stared at the board sitting backwards in his chair, bouncing his leg in thought.

     “I like the title honorary Hive member Hermann…good name for a band.”

     “I’m glad you find this funny…”

    “No! ...No I’m sorry It’s not funny I just…it’s a good list. We both had a floating experience with Kotick and that’s pretty much all we know. There are a couple things I’ve been kicking around since I was laid up. I think the Kaiju are having trouble keeping themselves fed while also getting enough food to take back to the Fissure…collecting food takes energy. They aren’t as strong so they aren’t willing to fight like before. Also…I don’t know if you saw but there was another attack in Hawaii and the Kaiju that did it was a little category two I’ve been calling Mudpuppy. The Kaiju born on our side of the breach seem smaller…aside from Vesuvius all the new Kaiju have been smaller than average, mostly category two’s. That might not be the norm, but I would bet dollars to doctorates most of the ones we haven’t seen yet are also lower categories. If more are born they will probably be even smaller. It’s all speculation but...”

Hermann pulled his spare reading glasses from a desk drawer and polished them thoughtfully.    

     “I believe your reasoning is solid and the information extremely valuable...But…Mudpuppy Newton? Really?”

      “He looks like an aquatic salamander! …You know what? That doesn’t matter right now. The point is we should be concentrating on what we were working on before we were distracted by the training with Occam and the extended hospital stays…The number of Kaiju in the water and where they are taking all this food. The problem is they are erratic...all over the place. The only definite members we know of are the ones who got desperate and made land raids …Also…why are they taking the food? Are they hoarding it?….Are they living together communally and sharing the food? It doesn’t make sense for a Kaiju to feed like that. They could be…stuffing it through some hole to another dimension for all we know.”

     “Where is Kotick?”

Newton pushed his glasses up his nose and looked over good eyebrow raised.

     “You mean…his body? You know… I don’t know. I assume they’ll preserve him…like they did with Krueger.”

Hermann turned from the board and glanced over at Newton. He took in the lines of his face, his ruffled hair and the uncertain slope of his shoulders.

     “We…we only spoke to Kotick separately…and I doubt touching him together would have been the same as drifting but…”

     “Whoa!...whoa…are you suggesting we…”

    “It could be many long months before we are able to even determine an accurate number of Kaiju. Based on the statistics you gave me before I estimated there could be anywhere between thirty and forty …but now I think that number may be too high. Even if I do get a precise number…it does little in helping us find the Fissure. The longer we remain here...the more certain I am the program is going to kill us Geiszler. Eventually the UN will decide Occam is more valuable fighting in this ridiculous war I want no part of. It’s just as you said on the Ontario. I fight Kaiju…not people…and now I am even torn on that. Perhaps if we stop the Kaiju…they will let us go without fuss.”

Gottlieb turned his cane handle slowly in his chalk stained hands. Balor had warned him… the hurt would only get deeper. Newton looked him in the eyes and the connection flared soaking his brain in radiant heat.

     “I have finally decided that I want to live Newton… something I had been debating since you and I first separated. “

     “Ok...yeah that’s not good we need to talk more about THAT later.  But scaring me with casual talk of suicide aside…drifting with Kotick’s brain seems like a dumb way to start living partner. ”

      “Together… you and I can do it together. You and I can focus our search and get the information we need. In the past we had no control over what we saw…but…”

Hermann felt Newt’s doubt and fear flow liquid black through his thoughts and finally reached out to him. He ran a hand over Newton’s tattooed arm before tangling their fingers together. There was that emotion again…that same strange indefinable thing that snaked up Newton’s arm and wormed its way into Hermann’s heart. He let out a strangled sob and Newt squeezed his hand.

     “I am mourning a Kaiju Newton….I am a traitor to the human race.”

    “No…No Herm…you’re just sad you lost your friend…”

    “They have our memories in their minds…he knew what my mother looked like…”

    “That makes sense…it’s a hivemind…Krueger knew things too…”

    “Newton…what if the reason they have not attacked cities is because….is because of us? Is because they see our memories and know they would be upsetting us…is that an insane thought?”

Newton stared at Gogmagog and bit his lip running a hand through his messy hair.

      “I…I hadn’t really considered that. You think that us being part of the Hivemind is …domesticating them?”

      “The precursors were the controlling force. They were the intelligence behind the animal. Now they are gone...cut off. The only truly intelligent influence on the Kaiju is us. I…I wonder if they haven’t been taking cues from our memories…our experiences. Maybe we’re changing them.”

Newton was running his thumb over the sensitive skin on Hermann’s wrist. It was a painfully intimate gesture but he didn’t pull his hand away.

    “It’s an interesting theory, but a really hard one to prove.”

    “No. But we need to get one of Kotick’s brains. The drift would tell us what we need to know.”

Newton frowned and shook his head. His voice came out weak and whispery.

    “I…I don’t know Hermann. I know your gonna laugh because…usually I’m the one who says we should do this kind of crap but... I don’t know if we should do it again. The side effects…”

They both stared at the chalkboard. The pain in Hermann’s head and strange itching on his neck had intensified the closer he was to Newton. He wondered briefly if that was the feedback effect Sendak had spoken of. He almost forgot that Newton was holding his hand…feeling what he felt until the man spoke again.

     “You’ve tried to figure the odds of which is gonna kill us faster…Occam or the Kaiju…haven’t you?”

     “I…”

    He felt Newt’s eyes on him and nodded weakly.

      “…Let’s get out of here Herm. We deserve a break before they find us and probably stick us back in solitary again…it’ll help you feel better about Kotick. “

Gottlieb looked into his partner’s warm honest face and smiled despite himself.

     “Did you have someplace in mind?”

 

   Hermann looked around the dim flickering blue interior of the big room uncomfortably. His new cane clicked the tile as Newt nudged him forward his body practically vibrating with excitement. The room was long and seemed to stretch for miles in either direction. Large square pools of still blue water shimmered from end to end. Each was surrounded by humming metal machinery and overlooked by suspended catwalks. All the smaller pools were clustered around one massive rectangular one sitting in the center. This was the one Newt jogged towards. He looked down face split into an eager grin as he waved Hermann over.

     “Check it out they’ve got an old mark 3 core stored down there! …I think it might have been Vulcan Specter’s but I’ve never known for sure.”

 Gottlieb scooted around the edge of the water. Looking down into the clear depths he could see glowing neon boxes sitting ominously under thick metal grating at the bottom of each pool.

     “Newton…are these…spent fuel pools? As in…radioactive waste containment pools?”

He glanced up doing a double take when he realized Newton was unbuttoning his flannel shirt yanking at it off and fumbling with the t-shirt underneath.

     “Yeah! Its my secret swimming spot.”

     “Are you insane!?”

Newton cackled and yanked at his shoes hopping up and down.

     “Well one …yes it’s been established. And two…you and I both know as long as you don’t dive the fifteen feet to the bottom of the pool and open up a storage flask to lick a fuel rod it’s perfectly fine. The water muffles the radiation and the only difference between this and a normal pool is how super warm it is. It’s great. I sneak down here all the time.”

Hermann shook his head spluttering and turning a bright shade of pink as Newton got down to a pair of green-lantern boxers.

     “Cannonball!”

A wave of clear water spilled over the edge of the tiled floor soaking Gottlieb’s shoes. He took a step back and Newton surfaced paddling over to the edge. He leaned his elbows over the side, smiled and squinting water from his eyes.

     “Come on in man! It will help your leg feel better. Be good to get the pressure off it and move around a bit.” 

Hermann looked back over his shoulder at the door and down at Newton wearing nothing but his underwear, his tattoos and a smile.

     “You are…absolutely certain we won’t be caught?”

Newton crossed his hand over his chest and held up three fingers.

     “Cross my heart, scouts honor.”

Gottlieb swallowed hard leaning over to look past the edge of Newt’s pool. The water was crystal clear and so deep it took him a moment to spot the metal mesh at the bottom. Underneath that he could just make out the minute shape of the old nuclear Jaeger core. It had to be at least two stories down.

      “V-very well. Turn around then.”

Newt made a big show of turning in the water and covering his eyes as he did so.

     “When did you learn to swim Hermann? When you were a kid? I lived by a lake as a kid so …”

Distracted by his shoelaces Gottlieb answered before he could think about what he was saying.

    “I learned as a child. My siblings and I took lessons…the lake house? Yes I know I’ve seen it…”

He winced at his own reply and set his shoe down pulling at his wet sock.

     “Really?...That’s so cool that you’ve seen it! …can…I know you don’t like to talk about it but...can I ask how much you saw? I mean…Just a flicker right?”

Hermann carefully lined up his old Oxfords and after a moments consideration he picked up Newton’s ratty Chuck Taylors setting them next to each other. If there was ever a single image that could define them it would be that he thought humorlessly. It made him feel a stab of pain in his stomach for reasons he couldn’t grasp. Newton splashed to get his attention.

     “Herminator?...buddy you ok?”

     “Mmmm?...I …yes..I’m sorry the lake house. I have seen it a few times. It was lovely.”

Gottlieb pulled off his coat and hung it on a protruding bit of metal pipe. Frowning he took Newton’s glasses from the floor and folded them into his coat pocket for safe-keeping.

Unbuttoning his black cardigan and the shirt underneath Hermann stripped until he was down to a white undershirt and a worn pair of grey shorts. Making sure his clothing was up where it would not get wet he used his cane to lever down and sit on the side of the pool. Setting the cane where he could reach it he pushed into the water with a soft splash. 

     “Can I look at you now modest mouse?”

     “Yes…I suppose you can.”

Newt took his hand away from his eyes and sank in the water up to his chin pushing away from the wall.

    “I can’t see you very well anyway. Not unless I’m real close. My vision has just gotten shittier the last couple of years.”

The water was wonderful on Hermann’s tired joints and he went quiet soaking it in. The pain in his leg and hip faded slowly as he tread water. A long relieved sigh escaped his lips.

     “You were right Newton...this does feel excellent.”

     “Did you just admit I was right? I could count the number of times that’s happened on one hand!”

     “Even a broken clock is correct twice a day.”

Hermann leaned his elbows on the side of the pool and rested his head on his arms staring at his and Newton’s shoes again. He couldn’t help it…they seemed to represent every reason why his feelings needed to be pushed away. Locked up…deep and hidden.

     “Ok what is up? I can feel that…if you want me to go to the opposite side of the pool I will but you could at least tell me what’s got you down...is it Kotick?…is it me?”

Gottlieb looked over one pale shoulder and gestured Newt over pointing at their shoes.

      “Tell me. What do you see when you look at them?”

       “Err..Shoes?”

      “Why do you tolerate me Newton?”

Geiszler floated close and looked at him confused rubbing at the paralyzed half of his face absently. Hermann noticed he often did that when he was distressed. A reflex developed quickly over a short amount of time.

       “Tolerate you? How do shoes come into this?”

      “Why did you change labs? Why did you go to Vess and ask to be my lab mate?”

      “Whoa. Time out…you are all over the map. Umm...ok how did you know…no scratch that. Drift…stupid question let me start over. Well...you remember the party where we met?”

Hermann kicked his legs slowly and nodded watching Newt as he started to swim in slow restless circles. He spoke very fast and there was a tinge of guilt in his voice.

     “Course you do. Ok well we were talking and I doused you in booze and soda right? And…please don’t get upset with me but…I did it on purpose.”

Hermann felt his stomach clench, his heart freezing a bit.

      “No no! I know…it sounds terrible and it was terrible. I regretted it like...Instantly. I did it because some of the biology department and half the physics department dared me to. You didn’t have a lot of fans. Before you even got to the Shatterdome you wrote a couple brutal rebuttals to Muybridge’s multiple breach theory that pretty much crushed his entire proposal…and that was just HIM. You were too goddamn smart for them Hermann. So was I…but I was a chicken-shit and caved like a high school kid trying to be prom queen.”

Gottlieb stared down into the water listening intently.

     “Go on then…”

 Newt swam towards him hands outstretched.

    “Oh god…please don’t be upset. When you started yelling at me I didn’t see anger in you at all that’s the thing…I just saw how upset you were. You looked…scared. You puffed yourself up to look bigger, but it was easy for me to see what you were underneath.”

Newt shook his head his voice catching.

     “I felt so bad, beyond bad and into awful. All I could do was put on a fake smile and act like I had done something brave. I made up my mind right then I was going to help you…or well I thought I could start by being around you…getting to know you? So I went to Vess like the next day and requested a transfer before you were assigned...”

There was quiet. Just the sound of the two of them breathing and the echo of water dripping from pipes overhead. 

     “Hermann…I’m not saying what I did was good in any way but…it I hadn’t done that we might never have ended up as partners…I mean. I didn’t know you then…Just all the crap they had told me and what I gleaned from your writing. All I knew is that you were smart. The intimidating kind of smart, but then so am I so it didn’t faze me. The more I got to know you…the more I realized you were the only person there worth anything. I…just.

Gottlieb stared at him as he hesitated, voice going thick with emotion.

     “You are my BEST friend. My goddamn foil…the only person I have any faith in.”

Hermann shook his head twisting to look him in the eye, water dripping down his face from his hair.

     “I just don’t understand…why this happened…no matter what I did to try and stop it…why did it come together this way…”

Raising his good eyebrow Newt paddled a bit closer.

    “Why did… what come together what way?”

Hermann reached out and grabbed the back of Newton’s head pressing their lips together carefully. Newton went rigid with shock for a few seconds before he pushed his entire body eagerly into the kiss. Hermann felt Newton’s hands move over his shoulders reaching up to frantically comb fingers through his hair trying to draw him in closer. A feeling of desire and love so intense it was suffocating burst behind Gottlieb’s eyes. It was too big, too sudden and he pulled away quickly terrified that any emotions could be so powerful. Geiszler protested feebly as he swam out of reach.

     “Wait…please...”

 The protest turned into a deep sob that made Hermann’s insides shrivel.

     “Newton…are you crying?”

     “I’ve been waiting so long…can’t we just...for one minute more I…shit...”

Hermann stared confused as snot and tears rolled down Newton’s damp face. The weeping turned violent, ragged and he could feel his own chest crying out for oxygen.

    “Newton breath! you’re not getting…”

There had been a million different ways he had expected Newt might react when he kissed him for the first time. This was not one of them. Newton’s nose started to bleed and the clear water around him turned red as he sank under completely. When he surfaced again he was flailing helpless. Hermann swam over to him kicking to keep afloat. He pulled Newton up and towed him to the side of the pool.

     “Get out you idiot! Get out before you drown!”

Newton struggled scrabbling to pull his body over the concrete lip of the pool before turning around to help Hermann. They both lay on the tiled floor gasping and staring at the buzzing florescent lights. Newton’s body was trembling and a sensation akin to white noise hummed in the back of Gottlieb’s skull. He spoke carefully trying to keep his voice composed.

     “Newton…are you having a panic attack?”

His answer was a wet throaty sob followed by a frenzied laugh.

     “A little one?”

This was bad news. It wouldn’t be easy to drag Geiszler to the infirmary for a sedative and it definitely wouldn’t be fun trying to explain how they had both ended up soaking wet.

   “How little is a little one? Can we ride it out?”

Newt struggled for air and Gottlieb felt his own lungs start to seize.

    “Yes I…Ah…oh GOD Hermann…I’m so sorry…I’m sorry…”

The air outside the pool was cold and Hermann reached for his cane. Getting to his feet he hobbled over and grabbed his coat. Kneeling down he pulled Newt close wrapping the parka around him in an effort to ease his shivering.

    “Why are you sorry…there is no reason for you to be sorry. I clearly upset you and I should be the one to apologize.”

    “N..no!..not upset. Everything… I wanted…HAPPY!”

Hermann took Newton’s shaking hands in his.

    “You have an odd way of showing that.”

Newt’s arms found their way around Hermann’s chest squeezing him tight, his face buried in the crook of Gottlieb’s neck. All the bare skin on bare skin made the connection so strong Hermann felt a moment of confusion where it seemed like he was hugging himself. He rubbed Newton’s back slowly, doing his best to comfort him. The skin on the back of Newt’s neck and shoulder was still raw, still sensitive from exposure to Kaiju Blue. Hermann avoided the discolored patches of inflamed tissue. He could now clearly see where Kotick’s blood had dripped down into Geiszler’s Driftsuit. It had to have happened when the man had grabbed him…he had taken the blood for him. Newt stared ahead as the attack pressed against his brain. He struggled to take shallow breaths. Panic and fear washed over both of them.

     “Hermann….don’t…leave me….again… I’m sorry...”  
     “I won’t. I wanted to kiss you. You did nothing wrong…It was just very intense. I was not expecting it to be that intense. I don’t quite know how to approach this…approach us. Slowly I suppose.”

He pulled out of the embrace and ran a gentle hand over the frozen muscles in Newton's cheek. His voice was  a whisper as he pressed their foreheads together.

     “I won’t leave. I know it must feel like every time we get close…I run. But I promise Newton… Not this time. Alright?”

The iron grip squeezing at Gottlieb’s lungs loosened somewhat and Newt offered him a fragile smile.

      “No…bullshit?”

      “None. Now… We can’t stay here. Let’s get you dressed.”

 

   There was an official looking envelope sitting under his door but Hermann ignored it. He would worry about it after more important things were taken care of. The worst of the panic attack was over but Newton’s body seemed to convulse with small aftershocks. The fit of anxiety left both of them feeling empty and exhausted.

    “Newton…go and change into your sleeping clothes…can you do that alone?”

The man nodded halfheartedly still staring at everything like he was only seeing shadows.

    “Good man. Go on then. I’m going to change as well.”

He watched to make sure Newton made it into his room before pulling off his damp clothes.  He slipped on clean cotton pajama bottoms and a fresh undershirt. Picking up the envelope he sat on the edge of his bed cautiously tearing it open.

    

     _“Dear Dr. Gottlieb,_

_As I am sure you are already aware several nations who are contributing financial backers of the PPDC and Fortress I are in a state of crisis. Many of them are active members of the United Nations and the World Peace Commission, the controlling forces behind our programs.  As a pilot of the Jaeger Occam’s Razor and a current member of our K-science team your presence has been requested at a very important press conference to be held September 12th in Helsinki, Finland. Finland is not affiliated with the PPDC and remains neutral in all disputes. You and your partner Dr. Newton Geiszler will be called upon to answer any questions or concerns the public may have regarding ongoing efforts to eradicate the Kaiju threat._

_Thank you for your cooperation in this matter,_

_Major Ray Barlowe_

 

Hermann read it twice letting it sink in before he folded it carefully and laid it on his nightstand. There was nothing outwardly sinister about a request for he and Newton to attend the press conference. They had both been invited to hundreds of meetings and interviews after the official close of the breach. He had declined these requests but Newton had been on television several times. Something about the letter put him ill at ease. He felt sure that despite how polite Major Barlowe had been…they would not be allowed to refuse the trip. Newton stood awkwardly in the bathroom doorway holding out the damp parka.

      “You’re on my bed…”

Hermann smiled at him and shook his head grabbing the parka to hang up in the bathroom. He decided not to tell Newton about the invitation…not yet, sleep first.

      “Share with me…I’m growing tired of waking up with pins and needles in my arm.”

Newt faltered , looking from the bed and back to Gottlieb wringing his hands.

      “Are you…are you sure man? I mean…your ok with this?”

      “Just lay down before you make me reconsider.”

  Newt collapsed into the mattress and hugged his arms around his chest curling into a little ball.

     “I’ll…I’ll try not to flop around.”

Hermann placed a crisp white sheet over Newt and lay on top of it, pulling the quilts over them both. He offered Newton his oxygen mask fiddling with the tank to turn it on.

     “A sheet?”

     “Baby steps Newton. You’ll have to be patient with me…”

Geiszler took a deep breath from the mask adjusting the strap so he could lay down. Hermann could feel the burn in his lungs the panic had left behind.

     “In the pool… I totally ruined the moment Herm. I blew it.”

     “There will be other moments.”

     “Our first two dates didn’t pan out so great.”

    “For us I felt they were… appropriate. We are strange sloppy people.”

Hermann lay on his back trying to move his leg and hip into a comfortable position. Getting them both up to the dormitory floor had not been easy and he could already tell his body would ache in the morning. He felt Newton press into his side breathing uneven and body tense.

     “Relax…”

     “I can’t. I know you’re afraid someone’s gonna find us this way.”

Gottlieb bit his lip and his heart sank. He felt a stab of anger at his own selfishness.

     “Ignore me. That is what I am doing.”

He reached under the covers and found Newton’s clenched hand. Working to unknot his fingers he placed Newt’s palm over his heart and laid his own hand over it.

       <“Hermann…are we going to be alright?”>

His voice sounded small and lost. It captured how Gottlieb felt perfectly.

     <“I don’t know.”>

The unknown feeling that had puzzled Hermann pulsed from the deepest part of their connection, buzzing in the Newton part of his brain. In the quiet it finally dawned on him what it was…trust. It was a sense of unwavering confidence and faith that warmed his stomach and calmed his fear. He tightened his grip on Newton’s hand as the man’s body finally began to unwind.

      <…But…we made it this far…we just have to keep going.>

Their small world grew warm and peace settled into the drift. A memory of trees, sun and water filtered through Gottlieb’s mind. He didn’t know if it was his memory or Newton’s…it didn’t matter. He latched onto it and let it carry him into soft shared dreams.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spent fuel pool scene is theoretically true, you can really swim in one. I had read about them some time ago and thought...what would be more romantic for scientists then swimming around in radioactive waste water?  
> http://what-if.xkcd.com/29/ Thanks for the science Xkcd.
> 
> Also Newt is singing Sam Cooke for the curious http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhzG9aeOn9w


	11. Life Lines

   The plane bumped on a bit of turbulence and Hermann tensed shutting his eyes and feeling his stomach knot. He had never had a problem with flying…unfortunately Newton did. He was prone to airsickness on long trips and the ghost-drift was giving him his partner’s nausea in spades. He looked disdainfully to his right shoulder where Newton was passed out drooling and snoring, drunk on Dramamine. The left shoulder was no better and no less drool covered. Sonia Whateley snorted and mumbled something into his jacket, sleeping the sleep of the jetlagged. Howard sat next to her in the aisle seat, his chair leaned back and his mouth wide open as he snored like a buzz saw. Hermann set his mouth in a straight line and rolled his eyes. Unable to stand one more minute in the middle of the idiot sandwich he pushed Sonia and Newt into their respective seats and got up looking for a quieter section. The big jumbo jet was mostly empty. The passengers included few important technicians, some higher-ups and a handful of Fortress’s Jaeger pilots. He stretched his bad leg wincing and moved down the plane until he spied Mrs. Melero.

Hermann leaned down and smiled politely gesturing to the empty seat next to her.

      “May I sit with you Mrs. Melero? My seat has become a trifle…crowded.”

She beamed at him and patted the empty chair, putting down the crossword puzzle she was staring at but not filling out.

      “Hermann! Please, I would love your company Cariño. Neta is taking a nap...”

She nodded to the window seat and reached over to brush strands of hair from her daughter’s face. Hermann folded his long legs carefully to fit into the cramped seat and sighed with relief.

     “Yes my neighbors were also napping…on me.”

   Nita Melero chuckled and reached up to touch his cheek her large brown eyes examining his face critically.

      “I think of you often…You and Newton are such good boys but I can see the Ranger life wearing on you. It worries me. You didn’t have nearly enough time to train and even if you had…”

She looked down pensively at her crossword puzzle and pressed against him. The sunlight from the window caught the silver in her hair.

     “It isn’t easy on anyone Mrs. Melero….I could very easily say I worry about you and Neta as well.”

He was tempted to add “and you haven’t been the same after California” but held it in. The small woman’s motherly face scrunched a bit pained.

     “Every day I wonder if…if I did the right thing. Getting Neta involved in this. She wanted to be part of the academy after her father died. But I never imagined that we would pilot together.”

Hermann reached out and let Nita put her small hand in his. His fingers were so much longer they completely engulfed hers.

     “How did you come to be in the Academy If I may ask?…I’m curious.”

     “My husband George and I were test pilots. We participated in some of the very first field trials with Lightcap and Schoenfeld. George died in an accident before we were assigned our own Jaeger. I stayed on as an Academy trainer because the program was my life but Neta…she didn’t have to end up here. She wanted to follow in her our footsteps…she wanted to pilot.”

Nita stared out the window lost in thought. She squeezed Hermann’s hand until it almost hurt.

      “It’s not just that either. You’ve lived around pilots Hermann. Do you know about the pon shakes?”

     “Pon shakes? …no…I can’t say I’ve ever heard the term before.”

Mrs. Melero gazed at him mournfully casting about to see if anyone else was listening.

     “The PPDC doesn’t like to talk about the shakes and neither do pilots…but the drift is like anything that stimulates the brain. It is easy to become addicted to it. During the war most pilots did not retire, they fought until they died. Now some pilots that lost partners or have no place in the program are suffering drift withdrawal. The pon shakes.”

She closed her eyes shaking her head.

     “I felt it…After George died. It’s…It’s like you need to eat or drink something but you don’t know what. You become so focused on the craving you lose your taste for real food…I lost a lot of weight. After awhile colors seem to fade…you stop dreaming. Even music seems dull. All you think about is the drift.”

She let out a hard breath through her nose.

    “I sometimes wonder if I agreed to pilot with Neta because it’s what she wanted or because I’m just another drift junkie Hermann.

He frowned and tried to search for the right thing to say. He had a hard time imagining Mrs. Melero as any kind of junkie.

     “That’s part of why they stay I think….”

Hermann lowered his voice to a whisper. Nita looked so fragile, he was afraid if he spoke to loudly she would shatter.

     “Who stay?”

      “The pilots, I’m sure many of them agree that bringing Jaegers into human conflicts is foolish. But to leave the PPDC would be to cut themselves off from drifting…from the Jaegers, from being a Ranger.”

Nita pulled her hand from Hermann’s and pushed his fingers open revealing the lines of his palm. She traced the lines gently, studying them. He was glad when she changed the subject.

      “How about I read your palm Cariño? See what I can in your future.”

He looked down at his open hand eyebrow raised.

     “Are you a palm reader Mrs. Melero?”

     “Dios mío…many years ago when I was just a whisp of teenage girl. I used to work as a palm reader for tourists…tell them about love and the future. Let’s see what I can see.”

She spoke in a hushed mysterious voice, making a few clucking noises as she considered his hand. 

    “Ah… Cariño you have a very straight head line…it means you are very serious, a realistic thinker. The fate line is here and here…the heart line…Mmm”

Hermann didn’t really believe in anything as ridiculous as palm reading but he found himself pushing closer to figure out exactly which line the older woman was looking at.

     “What about it?”

     “It breaks in the middle…you’ve had a heartbreak....but…Oh! look here! It joins up with the lifeline. That may mean you’ve found your future…very interesting. I see you’ve made sacrifices for others and experienced a lot of pain in the past. Your life line is also very straight…you are guarded, cautious about making friends…afraid to let people close. Long fingers…you get nervous easily but are very polite… and the marriage line…ah...very deep. There’s a good chance you’ll find true love.”

Hermann was so enraptured he didn’t even notice Newton lean over the seat from the aisle behind until he spoke in a whisper close to his ear.

     “Where’s the grouch line? I bet it runs all the way to his elbow.”

Hermann jerked up and felt his face flush bright red pulling his hand back and jamming it in his pocket.

    “Quite done with our nap then Geiszler?”

Newton grinned at him wiping sleep from an eye kicking the back of Hermann’s seat as he did.

    “My space heater moved. I came to see where it went and found it getting its fortune told.”

Gottlieb gave Newton the most intense glare he could as the man walked around to stand at his elbow.

     “Scoot over a chair Herm I want Nita to do me next.”

     “I’m sure Mrs. Melero has better things to do then look at your grubby little...”

Nita laughed and patted Hermann lightly on the shoulder.

     “Aww…switch with him Cariño. Let’s see what the stars hold for him eh?”

Newton fumbled across Hermann’s lap eagerly as they switched places. He held out his hand, leg bouncing, a big smile plastered on his face.

     “Mmm...well let’s see Newton...you have a big curvy heart line…you’re expressive and give love generously...all wavy lines…short attention span and very energetic. You have trouble with self-control. It gets you in trouble sometimes”

Hermann snorted leaning to look over Newt’s shoulder.

     “Only sometimes?”

     “Hush-up Hermann! We’re trying to see the future here!”

Mrs. Melero made a great show of being shocked by something on Newt’s hand, drawing back and giving a theatrical gasp.

     “And what’s this!?”

Hermann pressed against Newt’s back peeking over his shoulder as they both gaped at his open hand, speaking at the same time.

     “What?!”

    “You will definitely find your true love…”

Newt beamed.

     “Yeah? I pretty much knew that.”

     “And have at least five children…maybe six.”

Hermann blanched eyes going wide.

     “WHAT?”

Neta groaned as the seatbelt sign flashed on and a loud beep echoed through the plane cabin. She stretched and yawned punching her mother’s shoulder.

    “Come on Mama…the fortune teller thing? Seriously?”

 Mrs. Melero started to cry with laughter, gasping for breath as her shoulders shook.

     “Mom is fucking with you guys. She’s just saying things she already knows about you and then stuff you wanna hear. It’s a trick. You two are supposed to be smart…your SCIENTISTS for god’s sake.”

Hermann sniffed and folded his arms laying back into his chair.

    “I knew perfectly well it was a deception.”

Mrs. Melero wiped tears from her eyes and gave Newt a big hug. Squeezing him and kissing his forehead.

     “Awww…I just kid you because you are my clever boys. No hard feelings Cariño.”

She leaned over and gave Hermann a peck on the cheek and he couldn’t hide the smile at the corner of his mouth.

   The captain came over the intercom and announced they were beginning final descent into Helsinki. Gottlieb was in the middle of buckling his seatbelt when he felt the first tinge of unhappiness. Hermann cast a glance sideways at the Melero’s and found them deep in conversation. He spoke in German anyway. It was nice to have a language that very few people in Fortress could understand.

     <“Newton? What’s wrong?”>

Newt touched the bad side of his face and tried to smile. He was still groggy from the Dramamine and his mouth was sagging at the corner worse than usual.

     <“It’s stupid…but nobody has seen me like this outside of the Shatterdome…not even my parents.”>

     <“You never told them?”>

Newt swallowed hard. His stomach tangled into a complicated knot that Hermann wished he could untie. He tried to think comforting thoughts at him and hesitated before grabbing his hand. He had put forth an unspoken rule about handholding and touching in front of people but this seemed like an emergency. He would have to be better about enforcing the affection policy when they landed…Newton would keep bending it if he didn’t.

     <“I …didn’t...not a lot of mail goes in and out of Fortress and I never got the courage to Skype with them…I mean. Mom will have a fit.>

     <“You look fine. It is barely noticeable after spending time with you.”>

     <“No…I know what I look like. People stare…they want to ask but are too polite. I mean…I didn’t even want to see you at first. I had the worst panic attack I’ve ever had in my whole freaking life when I mailed you the letter asking you to come back…Then I didn’t even have the guts to greet you.“>

Hermann knew these fears exceedingly well. He had been dealing with the too polite since he was a little boy with a cane. He put a gentle hand on the side of the Newton’s face and turned his head so he could look him in the eyes.

     <“It is NOTHING to be ashamed of. You do not look strange or God forbid…ugly. You look like yourself…and if someone is unhappy with it. Well…that is a person you do not need to waste your time with. I have no patience for it and neither should you. Be short with people if you must.”>

Geiszler smiled at him surprised.

     <“That’s…kinda beautiful Herm. I didn’t know you had it in you to be so…free to be you and me about it.”>

The connection tightened hard around Hermann’s heart and he choked a bit on the gratitude. Ever since the kiss in the pool and the first quiet night in his bed the feelings were almost too much if they were very strong. It was like Newton was screaming his emotions and Hermann had lost the desire to work very hard at blocking him. He lowered his hand reluctantly and moaned as the plane bumped over rocky bit of air…damn Geiszler’s air-sickness.

     <”Besides…we saved the lives of every person here. If they give us trouble you could easily remind them of that yes?”>

     <”Yeah I…I guess so.”>

In the four days between their semi-romantic swim and the Helsinki trip, Hermann and Newt had been left largely to their own devices. No one from the infirmary had gone looking for Newton. No one cared if they were out of bed. In the rush to prepare for war and with the lack of new Kaiju attacks the scientists seemed to have been largely forgotten.

It had been nice to spend that time in the lab. They had programmed several computer algorithms to try and turn the random sightings into migration routes. They slept in the same bed but the sheet had not moved and Hermann hadn’t attempted another kiss. Their official request for Kotick’s brain had not been answered. Hermann drew his hand back from Newt’s and looked out the window at the cloudy grey sky beyond.

      <”I’ve never been to an all day press conference Newton…what do you think they are trying to accomplish?”>

Newton shrugged and winced as the plane dipped steeply downward.

     <”If I had to guess I would say it’s a transparency thing. Trying to get the world to trust them again after what’s happening in the United States… sort of a “look at us we’ll tell you anything” gesture…”>

 Hermann felt his own ears pop and worked his jaw around to get the unpleasant sensation of descent to ease out of his head. There was a grind and rattle as the jet’s wheels popped out. The earth came to greet them, the blue of the ocean blending into the multicolored jewel of neutral Helsinki.

 

    Sonia Whateley moaned and stamped her feet. She muttered to herself, her warm breath tickling Gottlieb’s ear as she whined.

    “My god…how many speeches do we need to GIVE just reveal the damn statue already.”

He gave her a sideways look and hissed through clenched teeth.

    “Manners Whateley.”

 The conference was being kicked off by the presentation of a war memorial. All the pilots and staff of both Shatterdomes stood in the cold autumn air surrounded by what looked like the entire city of Helsinki. The Mayor, ringed by the city council, was delivering a prepared speech about war and sacrifice in heavily accented English. Hermann had to admit he was with Sonia. He felt tired and somewhat cranky. He and Newton had been placed in separate hotel rooms and he had slept poorly. Gottlieb tugged his thick wool scarf closer around his neck and burrowed into his trench coat. It was still fall in Finland but the smell of snow lay thick in the air.

    “And now…to reveal our statue is Major Ray Barlowe with special surprise!”

The city officials stood down from the podium and Hermann watched the major take the stage. He felt Newton stealthily move his hand into his trench coat pocket to take his gloved fingers. He considered batting Newt’s hand away but gave up quickly. Nobody was looking at them anyway. Geiszler tilted his head slightly to whisper up at him.

    <“That’s the guy who sent us the invitations right?”>  

Hermann nodded his breath rising in puffs. He and Newton were flanked by the twins on one side and the Melero’s on the other. It made him feel oddly safe to be surrounded by friends in a strange place. Ivan Zorya murmured something to Mrs. Melero and she cast her eyes upward solemnly. Major Barlowe cleared his throat. He was a knife edge of a man. Everything about him was sharp Gottlieb decided, including his voice.

     “Good morning Helsinki. I am pleased to be addressing you today and am thrilled to announce you will be the first city in the world to witness a breakthrough in Jaeger tech. We gather here to celebrate the victory of our world over that of our invaders and to commemorate the defeat of the Kaiju by our brave Rangers. I can think of no better way of doing that then by asking you to direct your attention upward. “

Hermann looked at Sonia eyebrow raised and she gave an exaggerated shrug looking up into the sky. A hush fell over the crowd and in the distance he could hear what sounded like a fighter jet approaching. At first he thought the military was doing a fly over…then he saw it. Newton’s grip tightened around his fingers as they caught their first glimpse of the Jaeger.

The stark blue and red of it stood out sharp against the grey sky as it flew close leaving thick vapor trails in its wake.

    “I introduce to you the world’s first aerial Jaeger… The Shrike Rapture! No more will Jaegers have to depend on helicopter teams for transport! Travel time will be cut nearly in half and air attacks will give us an advantage never seen before!”

Newton’s voice floated up barely heard over the retreating boom of the Shrike.

    “Holy SHIT dude.”

Howard Whateley shielded his eyes squinting up.

     “How the hell did they…”

 Hermann felt a horrific dread fill his stomach. His mouth went dry and his chest pulled painfully tight, the cold air blazing in his lungs. This would change everything. Not only would it change how the Kaiju were fought…it would change how human wars could be conducted. His mind raced. How many were equipped to fly? Just the Shrike? That wouldn’t last…how had they overcome the weight issues…his initial calculations had predicted flight an impossibility because of weight distribution and wing size. How had they compensated for all that?

     “Ladies and Gentleman please stand back while the Shrike comes in for a landing! Stand behind the yellow lines marked on the ground around you if you would.”

The Shrike buzzed low, hovering. The trees of the park where the ceremony was taking place bent nearly in half as the massive mech started to descend. It made a clean vertical landing in a cleared off section that Hermann had not noticed before. The ground shook visibly when its feet touched down, the impact shaking Gottlieb down to his bones. Taking huge strides the Shrike Rapture lumbered to the edge of the crowd careful not to crush any bystanders. It leaned down and pulled the tarp hiding the memorial statue off with a flourish.

Hermann barely cast the statue a glance unable to tear his eyes away from the Jaeger. He found himself nervously taking a step back as the Rapture stomped into the middle of the park and went down ponderously on one knee. Hundreds of camera flashes went off blinding him. Television cameras twisted upwards as a hatch opened on the back of the Rapture’s head. The pilots stepped out their armor glinting in the grey morning light. Barlowe’s voice bellowed and he raised his arm to them.

     “Citizens of Helsinki, people of the world! May I present Mako Mori and Raleigh Becket! The hero’s of the Kaiju war and pilots of the Shrike Rapture!”

Hermann gave an audible gasp and felt Newton push back against him the connection buzzing with excitement.

     “Look Hermann it’s really Mako!”

Hermann nodded mutely as the two pilots removed their helmets and clasped hands waving to the crowd. Newt waved both arms and jumped trying to get Mako’s attention. Hermann could only take in the Rapture, attempting to dissect its construction like Newt would a Kaiju specimen. It was thin, spindly by Jaeger standards…lightly armored. The wings were retractable and he could barely see the edges curved into the back. A chill went through Gottlieb’s chest and his heart started to skip, thudding too heavily to get back to a normal rhythm. He felt dizzy. This Jaeger was alien…it was wrong. He could see none of his own hand in it as he could with the other units. Newton stopped waving and turned. Looking up at him alarmed.

     <”Herm?...hey…lets go ok?…lets go sit somewhere.”>

He shook his head trying to catch his breath.

     <”No...no I’m alright.”>

Newton frowned and slipped an arm through his yanking him away from the pilots, away from the media frenzy into a quieter part of the park. The twins didn’t notice but Mrs. Melero watched them leave concerned.

    “We’ll meet you at the hotel ok? The interviews start at ten-o-clock right?”

She nodded fretfully and was lost in the sea of people. Hermann pressed a hand to his chest and let Newton sit him on an isolated park bench. The smaller man was bundled tightly in a thick wool sweater and a black overcoat. He had also decided to wear a ridiculous hat with flaps on it, possibly in an effort to hide his face. He kneeled, placing his hands on Gottlieb’s knees. Newt rubbed his leg soothingly, patting his thigh.

    <”Better buddy?...you ok?”>

Snowflakes began to drift from the iron sky, gathering in cold wet clumps on Hermann’s hair and skin. He let out a slow breath and found he did feel a bit better.

     <” I’m fine now. I don’t know what happened. Possibly it was the crowd...”>

    <”Bullshit. You freaked out when you saw that Jaeger.”>

    <”It was just so…strange in its construction. I don’t quite understand …”>

He stopped midsentence when a familiar voice crept towards them from down the park path.

    “I thought it was you two! I knew you were going to be here but didn’t spot you in the crowd until you ran off. The cane was a dead giveaway. “

Newton turned taking his hands from Hermann’s legs guiltily. He got to his feet and Hermann felt a tug of fear when he didn’t recognize the man right away. Newt was quicker on the draw however and broke into a grin.

     “Tendo? Oh man is that you?”

Hermann could see his friend more clearly now and was surprised how much a year had aged him. There were more lines in his face, his whole demeanor careworn. His hair was long and he hadn’t slicked it back in his usual way. It was pulled tight at the back of his skull in a short ponytail. He was wearing a heavy grey coat and under that there was a glimpse of a familiar red bowtie. Newt ran over and embraced the man tightly. Then he stopped and pulled back looking into Choi’s face confused.

    “Tendo?”

As Newt moved Hermann saw the empty arm of Tendo’s coat. The man smiled sadly and shrugged letting Newt touch his shoulder.

    “Accidents man…you know how it is. Our line of work is dangerous.”

Choi turned to Hermann and shook his head his eyes lighting up.

    “Dr. Gottlieb I hardly recognize you.”

Hermann couldn’t help himself, when Tendo reached out he ignored the handshake and went right for a hug. He held the Tech stiffly for a moment slapping him on the back. Now he was sure of it. Tendo Choi had somehow lost his left arm.

     “You guys get breakfast yet? I had to be up at the butt-crack of dawn to prep Shrike for the ceremony. I ‘m jonesing for a cup of coffee.”

Hermann nodded and looked back over his shoulder.

     “You are staying in our hotel with the rest of the PPDC staff I assume? All the conference interviews are being conducted there…Newton and I have our first shortly after eleven I believe. Will you be interviewed Choi? ”

      “Hah! Nah I’m just a tech. Nothing important here.”

      “You sell yourself short.”

Hermann used his cane to point out a patch ironed to the front of Tendo’s coat.

      “I see you have been promoted to Lead Technician for the Rapture. That’s quite a lofty position.”

Newton had gone quiet which made Hermann nervous. He had an uneasy feeling that Newt was on the verge of screaming…which made very little sense to him. Tendo blew a long puff of steam and stared up at the sky.  

     “Nah…I’m no big deal. You wanna just walk over to the hotel? There’s a coffee shop next door. We can grab something and you won’t be late.”

     “They won’t miss you at the ceremony?”

Tendo shrugged and waited for Hermann to set the pace before he followed. He kept looking from one scientist to the other curious.

     “The roadies got it. Newt I haven’t seen you since you left for Fortress I what…seven months ago…eight? Still don’t get the move man. French Polynesia beats the hell out of the Canadian sticks any day.”

Newt kept his face to the ground his hands bunched tight into his coat pockets.

     “Yeah …lotta craps happened since Bora Bora dude.”

     “So I heard… _Ranger_ Geiszler. “

Newt gave a small choked laugh. Hermann didn’t like the painful uncomfortable feelings jittering around through the connection. It was clear Newt was glad to see Tendo but…

    “I would wonder how much you know about our exploits Tendo…I’m afraid I know very little about Fortress II. I Aside from the show your new Jaeger put on.”

     “Well me and Newt both went to Fortress II together after Hong Kong closed...he probably told you that much. II is where the best and the brightest go. Mako and Raleigh were the first pilots accepted into the Air Ranger program there. Without them the Shrike would never have been able to get off the ground. It takes a whole new level of compatibility to fly. You left before we even started the airborne program Newt my man…I don’t think Mako and Raleigh were even back from sabbatical…”

Newt’s voice came out harsh and he blurted angrily.

    “I’m glad I left! Better to work in some cold armpit at the end of the world then turn out cancer bombs in a tropical paradise! I…I mean Tendo…what did they do to you?! You were in one piece when I left…”

Tendo stopped walking and faced him stiffly, Hermann thought he looked more hurt then angry. Choi gestured glibly at Newt’s face.

     “Yeah? What about you? What’s the story there huh?”

Gottlieb had a feeling he was in the middle of an old argument and stood back a ways…this was none of his business really but…Newton was his business even if the argument wasn’t.

    “You can’t be happy about the things going down there Choi!”

    “Yeah? We’ve made a _flying Jaeger_! They offered you enough research money to do whatever you wanted! All that money…you could have found a way to regenerate this arm already if you’d stayed!”

     “And all I had to do was sign the contract in blood and make blue bio-weapons!”

Tendo went silent and looked over at Hermann. He gave a dour chuckle.

     “Drifting with him must be like drifting with a rock. There are so many rumors about you two… On the Fortress II LOCCENT deck you’re everybody’s favorite gossip. The K-Sci rangers are at it again! Are they ghost-drifting with Kaiju? Taking two hour rabbit hunts? What crazy shit are they doing today?”

In the distance there was the faint sound of applause. The snow fell harder.

     “We simply do our jobs Mr. Choi. Just as you do yours.”

Tendo let out a bitter laugh and reached into his pocket to pull out a pack of cigarettes. The parallel to Balor struck Hermann like a punch to the gut. The man struggled with one hand to light a shaking cigarette, dead set on aging himself faster than necessary. Newt was taking deep breaths trying to calm himself down.

     “Tendo…you know I..I don’t want to fight with you again. I’m really glad to see you.”

     “I know Newt…I know man. I’m glad to see you too. I’m sorry we don’t see eye to eye about Fortress II.”

Newt bristled. Snowflakes melting on his glasses, beading into water drops that made his expression hard to read.

     “Pentecost wouldn’t have liked it either. He…”

     “Pentecost is dead…and we don’t get funding the way we used to. You just…you just never lived in the real world with the rest of us Newt. Even now…you think all the shit that happened to you …you would grow up a bit.”

    “If growing up means giving up on doing the right then…then I’ll never do that.”

Tendo took a long drag on his cigarette and blew out a cloud of foul-smelling smoke. It was a ration-card D-cig, unfiltered and strong.

    “They’re afraid of you two you know. I just wanted to get you alone to tell you that. The higher ups at the PPDC are afraid they won’t be able to control you forever…something happened during the Rebel Samson fight…tell me what it was. I don’t know…maybe I can help you. I WANT to help you. All the really important people are at Fortress II…the ones making the big decisions.”

Tendo was pleading now, his voice desperate and he cast a sideways glance at Hermann.

    “I’m asking you as a friend.”

Hermann took a step closer to Newt. The frustration and anger in Geiszler was screaming inside Gottlieb’s chest and he wished the man would calm down.

    “Samson went against orders. We told it not to kill a Kaiju we needed to get information from and it ended up fighting our escort the Siren Carpathia…”

Tendo shook his head and waved this away with his cigarette.

    “That much was in the official report …It said that the Samson and the Carpathia fought and then another Kaiju showed up…but then it just sort of ended. What did you do after that?”

   “We were attacked by another Kaiju…we sent it away.”

Choi started to laugh gasping on the cold air.

    “You… _sent it away_?….hahaha!…you just…told a Kaiju what to do? And it _listened_? Don’t you see why they’re afraid of you? What if you just told that Kaiju to take out New York? Asked it to destroy Miami? ”

Hermann gaped at him horrified and Newt stood tall as he could squeaking out an angry reply.

    “We would never do that! We’ve saved people twice by talking to the Kaiju!”

    “So the boat? The Ontario? You sent that one away too?

The tech snorted and threw back his head laughing. Hermann scowled curling his lip.

    “I fail to see the humor here Choi. We’ve proven our loyalty over and over again…”

Gottlieb put a steadying hand on Newt’s shoulder. He could feel him shaking under his ridiculous hat. People started to pass by them in little knitted groups. The ceremony was over.

    “It’s funny because Newt won’t make weapons…but I bet they think he IS one. You both are if they can find a way to use you. They’ve made you Rangers. Why not? It’s a great cover…they can test all you can do right? I’m going to guess you have a shrink following you all the time.”

Hermann just stared at him. He knew that Joyce and the organization were using he and Newt’s connection to the Kaiju…but he had never considered it was for anything but wiping them out. For the hundredth time in as many weeks he wondered why he did not just stay at the college and ignore Newton’s letter. Then he felt Newt press against him and knew exactly why…and he could not regret it.

    “So what are we supposed to do? Stop trying to find the Kaiju? Cease piloting Occam? They will not just let us drop from the program…I’m sure we would be… _encouraged_ to stay. Geiszler and I are not children Choi. We know we are being used.”

Tendo started to walk again and Hermann followed unsteadily, trailing Newt in his wake.

    “I wish I could tell you what to do Hermann. But I think you two should put in for a transfer…I think you would be safer in Fortress II. You have friends there…and Mako…”

Newt spoke again his voice rising angrily until it was a shrill scream.

    “That’s what it’s all about!…your just trying to recruit me back to your fucking death-lab. The US military promise you oodles of cash if I come back? Get a bonus if I bring Hermann too? Fuck you and your so called Defensive Tech Unit! ”

Newton threw up his hands and bared his teeth as much as he was able.

    “Hermann…I’m going ahead...I just…I’ll see you there…I can’t stay.”

The scientist walked speedily away down the snowy park path towards the hotel. He was lost in the distance in minutes and Hermann bit his lip wishing he could follow at the same pace. He looked at Tendo who was watching him wretchedly.

     “I’m sorry man…I really am. You escaped all this…why did you come back? I mean you have Vanessa.”

     “We’re no longer together.”

     “……….oh?”

This time Tendo watched him with a different sort of curiosity. There was a knowing look on his face Hermann hated. He hated when people thought they had him figured out. He spoke before Tendo could make any lewd suggestions.

     “How is Alison?”

     “We’re…well…ditto I guess. I see the kid at holidays but…you know.”

     “I see.”

Choi finished his cigarette and flicked the butt away carelessly, letting people pass them on either side. He turned back towards the looming figure of the Shrike still visible in the distance.

     “Maybe I should skip coffee…go back and make sure the interns aren’t fucking up my baby. Talk to Newton about transferring, maybe he’ll listen to you. Seriously...I really am just worried. We’re all in dangerous spots and it’s better to stick close. I care about both of you.”

    “I will...do my best Tendo. Though I am not sure I know enough to feel like transferring is a good idea by its own merits. Take care of yourself. Can we keep in contact?”

 Tendo smiled at him and put a heavy hand on his shoulder squeezing it.

     “You know it man.”

With his only arm Tendo saluted smartly.

     “Goodbye Ranger Gottlieb.”

Hermann watched him walk back his left sleeve swinging slack. A harsh wind blew through the naked fall trees, cold and unnatural. Gottlieb turned and began the solo walk back to the hotel.

 

   The camera lights were hot and the hotel room felt cramped with equipment and people running back and forth. In the center of the room three chairs had been set up to face each other a table, a pitcher of water at their center. Newt sat in one looking very small and vulnerable, wringing his hands and messing with his hair as nerves hit him. In the old interviews…he had always looked so confident. He was wearing his nicest suit but it didn’t really fit him anymore, he had lost too much weight. An official looking woman wearing a headset bustled up to Hermann and adjusted the microphone on his lapel.

     “Ok Mr. Gottlieb you’ve been through prep? You can go sit with your partner.”

    “Its Dr. if you please young la-…”

She was gone before he had time to finish and he sighed. Sliding into the empty seat next to Newt he felt the man’s relief, the pressure on his brain eased a bit.

    “I’m sorry Newton. They kept me in makeup longer than anticipated. They said the camera would have…difficulty with my skin tone being so ….light.”

     “I’m just glad we’re doing this together Hermann…I’m glad I don’t have to be up here alone.”

Hermann wanted so badly to take Newton’s hand in that moment but he held himself in check.

    “You have no cause to be nervous. You have done this before yes?”

Newton rubbed at the bad side of his mouth and was about to answer when the first person interviewing them, a young good-looking man with perfect hair, sat down in the last empty chair and offered a winning smile. He was from CNN Hermann believed…or one of those other news networks with letters.

    “Hello gentlemen! Enjoying the press junket so far? Hotel accommodations working out for you? It’s an honor to be the first to interview you live Dr. Gottlieb…”

Gottlieb opened his mouth to answer when the lights dimmed and they were sitting in a glowing spotlight. An assistant behind the cameras started to count down.

    “Alright….your going live in three…two…”

The interview started pleasant enough. The interviewer was young and upcoming, not one of the heavy hitters from his network. He was probably trying to use this event to his advantage. He asked them light breezy questions about the closing of the breach and their part in it. Reminding the world who they were. With stars like Raleigh and Mako…Hermann imagined two scientists would be very easy to forget. Newt was finally starting to relax somewhat when the interviewer turned his full attention on him and asked his next question with an expectant smile.

    “So Dr. Geiszler is it true you and your partner have recently become pilots with your own Jaeger in the Fortress I Ranger program?

    “Err…yeah we did It’s a new unit called Occam’s Razor and Hermann and I…”

    “But Dr. Gottlieb wasn’t the original co-pilot was he?”

Newton went three shades paler and let out a breath that was half pained laughter.

    “I…don’t know if I’m cleared to discuss…”

The interviewer held up a piece of paper and made a big show of inspecting it.

     “According to my inside sources you are the first pilot to ever suffer from some sort of mental illness. Is it true the PPDC knew you had been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and still cleared you as a candidate for the program?”  
Newt stammered sweat appearing on his forehead. He looked at the camera unsure what to say. Hermann scowled and gripped his cane tightly.

     “I don’t feel like this line of questioning is relevant in the slightest.”

    “I disagree Dr. Gottlieb. I feel like the world deserves to know the program we put so much of our resources and trust in has no qualms about endangering lives by training pilots with disabilities while knowing full well there may be consequences.”

Hermann felt rage build white hot in his stomach. The interviewer knew exactly what he was doing. Hermann had a feeling he wasn’t even doing it to truly let the world know how the PPDC had screwed up...he was doing it because the story was juicy. God knew how he had gotten the information…or who had told him. He didn’t seem to know why Newton had been made part of the Rangers…there was at least that. Hermann spoke slowly choosing his words carefully trying to hide his anger. He was afraid any of this would trigger another panic attack. Newt had taken his anti-anxiety meds, but with enough stress…

     “I think …it would be best if you left my partner’s private medical history out of this interview.”

     “Well I think that we are owed an explanation. Dr. Geiszler you were diagnosed young correct? You knew full well you had a problem that would potentially kill your partner if you drifted together. The question that really needs to be answered is if you somehow snuck the information past the Academy screening or if the PPDC pushed you through knowing full well you were a walking time bomb…so which was it?”

Newt looked on the verge of tears and he just shook his head gagging on his own tongue.

     “I….”

    “Was it just negligence Doctor? Or should the PPDC and you be investigated for the murder of…”

He was cut short when Hermann punched him hard in the jaw sending him sprawling completely head over heels in the chair. For five minutes there wasn’t a sound but the buzzing of the lights. The entire film crew stared at Hermann open mouthed as he massaged his knuckles. Newt looked down at the man on the floor and squeaked.

     “Dude….you ok?”

Then the live feed was cut off completely.

 

    “You punched a guy out cold on live TV.”

    “You are the most badass man to ever live.”

     “We are not worthy!”

The twins both made a show of putting their hands above their heads and bowing to Hermann over and over again. He frowned at them and looked in a hallway mirror to adjust his tie.

    “Yes…well. You shouldn’t be celebrating me for acting like an idiot.”

Sonia was smiling at him so hard it looked like her face was about to break in half. She poked his shoulder and Howard attempted to ruffle his slicked down hair.

     “Away beasts!”

He smacked at them with his cane not intending to land any actual blows. They twins truly looked very striking. Sonia had been wrestled into a lovely purple evening gown and Howard was wearing a nice suit with a shirt the same color as his sisters’ dress. After a day of interviews they only had to make it through the press dinner then home in the morning. Hermann and Newt had three more interviews after their disastrous first, these had gone smoother but everyone seemed overly cautious when asking them questions. So far they hadn’t been officially rebuked. Gottlieb had a feeling the PPDC had not known the interviewer was going to ask Newt the questions he had. They were probably a little relieved he had ended the interview. Gottlieb just felt ashamed. He hadn’t been able to stop himself. Newton had been so upset it had destroyed all rational thought.

    “I bet that clip is already viral online. I can see the remixes now…stuffy German dude punches the fuck out of obnoxious TV man...club mix!”

   “I could watch you punching him on a loop for hours and never get sick of it.”

Hermann rolled his eyes at them and looked at himself in the mirror one more time. He squinted at a bit of lint on his chocolate colored suit and picked at it frowning.

    “I’m going to see if Newton is ready. You two behave yes? Go find your seats.”

Sonia scrunched up her nose and poked his shoulder again.

    “Oh I think you’re the one who needs to behave. Don’t go punching any maids or random children on the way to the room.”

Howard offered his sister his arm and she took it with mock seriousness.

    “Why thank you Monsieur. _Shall_ we?”

    “Oh yes let’s _do_.”

Gottlieb groaned and walked down the hall towards Newt’s room. The connection seemed to be muffled and it was hard to get a good lock on how Geiszler was feeling. He knocked lightly before pushing the door open slowly.

    ”Newton?...are you read-....”

He stopped midsentence and sighed walking towards the single bed. Newton was sprawled out his pants half on and half off, boxers exposed, blue dinner jacket grasped loosely in one hand. He hadn’t even managed to get his shirt buttoned and he smelled distinctly of vomit. He turned to look at Hermann glassy eyed and moaned pushing himself up into a sitting position.

     “Sorry Herms…just…having trouble getting ready. You look fantastic...”

     “If you are feeling ill …I think the world will understand if you sit dinner out…”

Hermann pulled the unbuttoned shirt off Newt’s shoulders and took the jacket from his hand. This had all the markers of too much stress and Hermann was fairly sure that his partner had taken a tranquilizer. He always felt a strange floating sensation in his head when Newt popped a few pills. He couldn’t blame him. The day had been long and taxing. Gottlieb folded Newton’s pants and yanked off his socks guiding him under the bedclothes. Hermann dampened a washcloth with cold water and lay it over Newt’s eyes, running calming fingers through his sweaty hair.

      “I will bring you back some food.  I do not believe there is anything really wrong with you but travel sickness and nerves.”

     “<Can’t you sleep here tonight?...please?>”

     “<You know the answer to that.>”

Newt whined in the back of his throat and tried unsuccessfully to grab Hermann’s hand.

     “<Come on…you can sneak in. Nobody will see…please?>

    “<Making annoying noises will not change my mind. We will be home again tomorrow. You can make it another night.>”

    “<Can’t sleep…>”

He sat on the edge of the bed and touched Newt’s cheek feeling a bit guilty. He pushed all the scraggly bits of hair away from the compress.

    “<When I have difficulty sleeping I imagine my whole body is a number…then I subtract parts of myself away from it until I am at zero…then I am asleep.>”

Newt smiled at that.

    “<Yeah?...that sounds like something you would do.>”

   “<Well perhaps you could count Kaiju. That’s more your style.>”

He got up and made sure Newton’s cell phone was in arms reach flicking off his light as he went to the door.

    “<Text if you are dying. I will see you after dinner.>”

   

   The dinner sat cold and uneaten on Hermann’s plate. As good as the food looked he had no appetite for it. The head of the technical staff for Fortress II droned on about best use of resources and the state of the world economy. Gottlieb pressed his forehead in his hand and bounced his good leg aggravated. Mrs. Melero put a hand on his leg under the table to still it. She and Neta took the seats to his left and the Zorya’s sat to his right. The twins were a bit further down the pilots table and kept passing him messy notes on bits of napkin. The best of the scribbles was a cartoony drawing of him punching a Kaiju in the face. He knew Newton would enjoy it and folded it carefully into his breast pocket giving them a disdainful look they knew he didn’t mean.

He glanced down the table and examined the pilots from Fortress II. The only ones he recognized were Mako and Raleigh. Mako caught his eye and beamed, blowing him a small kiss. She mouthed something that he thought was “talk after?” and he nodded offering her a smile in return. He had not seen her or Becket since the memorial ceremony and felt a warm glow at the thought of catching up with her…even for a moment. He had missed Miss Mori and often debated sending her some sort of communication during his year of absence. He never had. She had her own life and it was an important one.

   Tendo stood ready to take the podium to give his speech. He looked slightly better than he had earlier, hair slicked and clothes immaculate. Hermann couldn’t help but let his eyes focus on the pinned sleeve of Choi’s dress shirt. It had been an accident clearly…but for something so violent to happen to a tech was bizarre. He was so lost in thought he didn’t notice when the commotion first started. It was the sound of gunfire that jolted him to his senses.

    The double doors into the hotel banquet room burst open and a small mass of people ran in. They were holding up guns and carrying metal buckets…all of them were wearing masks. The children’s masks were the most disconcerting part of the scene. Some of them were wearing thin plastic masks of Jaeger like Romeo Blue and Gipsy danger. Others were wearing rubber monstrosities that looked like the Kaiju Trespasser. They ran past the tables scattering food and waving their firearms in the air. Many of the pilots were already getting to their feet when they started to pitch the contents of the buckets at them. Hermann didn’t understand what he was seeing even as Mrs. Melero pushed him roughly to the ground.

    “Get down!”

There were screams, sizzling noises and the rank ammonia scent of Kaiju Blue. Ivan Zorya roared something in Russian turning the table over on its side as the acidic blood started to eat through the wood. Hermann didn’t rise, keeping low to the floor. He caught a quick glimpse of people on the ground all around him and gasped in horror when he spotted the Melero’s. It looked as if a whole bucket of the Blue had been aimed right for Neta and her mother had pushed in front of her. She had taken a huge ungodly splash across her bare back, her dinner dress stained and ruined. Nita’s hair was burning off and she was already delirious from exposure. Hermann drug himself over on his elbows and slipped off his jacket attempting to get as much of the poison off Mrs. Melero’s skin as possible. Neta was sobbing brokenly in Spanish, her own skin blistering red in several places on her arms. On the other side of their makeshift barricade a loud male voice was screaming over the panic.

    “If the PPDC does not remember it exists to kill Kaiju we will remind it!”

The voice called out and was answered by the cheers of others.

    “Kaiju killers fight Kaiju or die with Kaiju!”

The chant grew louder but Hermann wasn’t listening to it. He searched the dinner debris until he found a glass bottle of vinaigrette salad dressing and frantically unscrewed the top pouring the entire thing over Mrs. Melero’s back. The older woman was unconscious, blood dribbling from her nose and blue foam building around her lips.

     “Neta…see if you can find…NETA...listen to me. See if you can find more of this. It’s all we have to neutralize the blue…vinegar you understand…smear some on your arms…there’s a girl…Its small but it’s all we have…”

Hermann wrapped his dinner jacket firmly around Mrs. Melero as she shivered, her body slipping into shock. He chanced a peek over the top of the table and saw the masked intruders were attempting to retreat. Raleigh, Mako and a few other pilots including Ivan Zorya were standing protectively around the people lying prone on the ground. The masks had guns on them and were backing out slow still shouting ridiculous political jargon in thick accents.

    “You Rangers exist when the Kaiju kill! You die when they die! Human wars are not the fight of the PPDC!”

Hermann felt a pang of dread…where were the twins? Where was Tendo? He couldn’t see any of them. Neta pressed shivering next to him holding out a bottle of salad dressing her eyes wide. He took it and whispered.

    “Very good…keep your mother warm…they’re leaving so we’ll have help soon…”

A gun went off and one of pilots went down on his knees. In this new confusion what was left of the masked group ran out the door leaving a trail of Blue in their wake. The whole thing couldn’t have lasted more than ten minutes. Hermann pressed his forehead into the underside of the table and took a deep breath clutching the vinaigrette tight.

Thank god Newton had been ill. Thank god he had convinced him to stay in the room.

Hermann closed his eyes and fought the urge to vomit. There was something wrong with his head. He realized that not only was Newt awake but…the hive was buzzing…the area in his skull where the hivemind resided seemed to have exploded with activity.

     “ _No…no I’m alright …everyone please calm down_!”

He sent as many soothing images into the drift as he could muster. The last thing he needed was a concerned Kaiju appearing in Helsinki and ripping the place apart to check on him. There was a loud keening wail and he turned to see Neta holding her mother and sobbing. He stared at them confused. Gripping the bottle in his hand so tight the glass splintered. He needed to move...he needed to make sure others were getting help. He couldn’t. Hermann found himself unable to move his legs, frozen in a kind of stricken awe. After an indeterminate amount of time staring at the pain around him, arms lifted him to his feet. The EMT’s took him away from the bodies and the spilled food and the smell of monster blood. In the ambulance they tried to take the dressing bottle away from him but he held it white-knuckled. He couldn’t make them understand, none of them spoke a language he knew. As the ambulance doors closed Hermann began to weep.


	12. Ain't No Sunshine

   Hermann had no idea where the other pilots were. He desperately wanted to find them but couldn’t…he could barely move. The screaming in his head was only getting louder. It scratched at the back of his skull angry and scared. He could barely focus his eyes. Pain throbbed in his forehead and blood trickled in a steady stream from his nose. Curling into a tight ball in the hospital bed Gottlieb wrapped the covers around his skinny body and tried again, rather desperately, to get the hives attention.

_“Stop…please. I’m alright now…”_

It sounded as if many voices were all shouting at each other all at once. He had the strange sensation that the voices were coming closer, a feeling that had first popped up at the hotel. They were coming to find him. That was _bad_. Tapping down bile Hermann tried to think of a way he could get their attention. He pictured himself walking forward towards the pain in his skull waving his hands.

     “ _Hello? Err… could we talk_?”

The hive lowered its collective voice and suddenly they were looking right at him. Well, _Looking_ was perhaps the wrong word. It certainly felt like they were staring at him, looming bodiless in the dark. The noise and babbling reached new levels when they spoke directly to him. The harder Hermann concentrated the more he thought he could hear individuals in the hive.  It was like a rowdy mob of children was suddenly shouting at him all at once. They bellowed to be heard over each other, vying for his attention. Some of the voices were enormous…others smaller and fainter. He wondered idly if that was distance or actual size that made them sound so different. Perhaps neither…

    “ _Bad! Hurt! monsters! feel it_!”

    “ _small voice scream! Help help help!”_

_“We help we come! Not want dead!”_

_“Not want dead like brother!”_

There was a fresh rush of pain inside his skull and something surfaced from the darkness. It was a memory from his childhood, and not a good one. Bullies were pushing his face under the faucet of a sink, Water-boarding him with the tap and laughing at him as he choked and sputtered for breath. He was screaming for mercy…for help. The memory melded seamlessly into a flicker of the masks bursting into the dining hall, guns raised. The masks merged into a strange blue-tinted vision of the Rebel Samson raising its scythe and bringing it down soundlessly on his back. No…Kotick’s back. Hermann understood that the images all together formed a single thought. He _had_ called them. He had been in danger like Kotick and had screamed for help so loud inside his own head the hive had heard him.

    “ _No…No…nobody come here! I was scared but it’s alright now. I’m alright_. _”_

He racked his aching brain. Searching for some sort of image that would represent what he was trying to tell them. He settled on a memory of a night at his first boarding school. All the children had gone home for the holiday vacation but he had stayed. The first night alone he had opened a window and lain warm in his dormitory bed watching snow fall outside. Secure in the knowledge there would be no bullies for the next glorious week. He had been in danger but now he was safe.

    “ _Safe…good…No need to come see_?”

 The hive was silent, as if considering this. The pain alleviated and the buzzing calmed. The voices stopped talking over each other. Memories of reefs and water…sky and icebergs streamed through his brain in rivulets before even these dried up. They had been…worried. He had called to them just like he had called Kotick to the Ontario and worst of all…he had done so completely involuntarily both times. He had to figure out how to control this. It appeared the connection to the hive was only getting stronger. Hermann uncurled slightly and shivered. Vesuvius had come to protect Kotick…who would have come for him?

     “ _We stay away. You safe good_.”    

     “ _Small voice…fast-thinker…we want safe_.”

The voices softened to a faint blue whisper and the pain ebbed to a muted throb.

    “ _Love little brothers.”_

   The hive sent him a strange memory he didn’t recall. He was in the Tokyo lab staring at one of his chalkboards. He was considering a complicated equation and after a good five minutes he carefully erased and moved a single decimal point that had been obviously misplaced. Then he went to his desk and placed a steaming cup of fresh tea near his computer before walking silently to sit at…Newton’s workspace? Things grew even more confusing when he watched himself limp into the lab a moment later. Evans was on his tail screaming about his shoddy math and how he would prove Gottlieb fallible this time. Then he had looked at the chalkboard and found no flaw at all.

     “ _Love…_ ”

The voice melted back into the deep nook of Gottlieb’s brain where the Kaiju resided. That memory was Newton’s not his own Hermann realized, one of Newton’s memories the Kaiju thought represented love. Were the memories really teaching them? He thought briefly about his domestication theory then quickly pushed it aside. The whole situation just raised a million more questions that Hermann didn’t want to consider right now. Right now he wanted to find the Melero’s, make sure the twins were alright…see if his friends were safe.

     Hermann sat up shakily and placed his bare feet on the floor beside his bed. His pillowcase was a horror show, splattered with blood from his nose. He turned away from it sick. The moment the hive was quiet the connection to Newt became more apparent. It was surprisingly silent…numb. Hermann guessed they had probably sedated his partner. Newton had no doubt come near to losing his mind in fear after the attack. He was glad that Geiszler was out. Dealing with his own panic was hard enough. His chest was hurting again, the pain dull and constant under his ribs. He could worry about all these things later. Hermann looked around for his cane and was pleased to see it leaning against his bedside table. Standing upright in his baggy hospital scrubs he took his first agonizing step forward, pushing aside his privacy curtain.

 

   There were so many people poisoned in the attack the Helsinki Hospital had been forced to convert an entire floor of its building into a quarantine zone. There was simply no other way to hold all of them. Hermann had only caught a few drops of Blue on his cheek and a large scalding patch on one elbow where it had burned through his dress shirt. He had been lucky and knew it. If Mrs. Melero had not pushed him down when she had he would have been doused.    Gottlieb found he had been placed in a bigger room with the cases that weren’t life-threatening. He was pressed on all sides by scared voices in dozens of languages and the beeping of vital signs. An atmosphere of fear and panic reigned in the isolation ward, stalking about the maze of beds and curtains…whispering rumors.

The ward was packed tight with Shatterdome staff, techs, press and even some civilians...Herman wondered if they knew how lucky they were not to be in one of the smaller rooms down the hall. Those rooms were full of the severely hurt…the dying. Once in awhile there would be a terrible guttural scream, the sounds of footsteps pounding down the hall and uncomfortable muttering behind the white curtains.

He hobbled from one end of the long sterile room to the other searching in vain for a familiar face. Every few minutes nurses would come in and take another patient away for a decontamination shower. Gottlieb grimaced. He had already made his dehumanizing foray into the shower room. Skin saturated by the foul-smelling chemical spray and scrubbed raw before he was handed clean scrubs. They would dispose of the ruined suit he had worn to dinner.

  The crowds were loud and there were several groups milling around TVs watching the News. Everything smelled of people and the green tinted decontaminant smeared on the skin Kaiju Blue touched. Hermann felt dizzy and he staggered out of the ward door out into the hall where traffic was bustling. Gurneys carried more people…and bodies in either direction. He pressed against the wall and found an unlocked door that read “Atrium” in several different languages. The chaos was overwhelming, just a moment outside and he would be better. He would find them if he could get his thoughts together.

 

The sky was dark. Hermann hadn’t realized how late it had become. The dinner had been held early, around six…it had to be at least nine ’o clock by now. The atrium was a small balcony garden with seats and the scrubby remains of dead plants. The ledges of the place were covered in safety glass and its view consisted of the windows of another medical building. But it had no roof and snow was dusting down slow and soft. Most importantly it was quiet… that was good.

Hermann sat on a bench and took deep breaths trying to calm himself down. He watched snowflakes settle on his hospital scrubs but he didn’t feel the cold. There was a dull click as the door behind him opened and shut. He didn’t turn. It was probably just a nurse coming out for a cigarette break. Hopefully they wouldn’t bother him. He wasn’t ready to go back to the stifling, crowded Blue ward…not yet. He turned surprised when someone sat down close to him.

     “I saw you in the hall… I followed you out here.”

Neta Melero folded her hands in her lap and they both sat for a moment before she spoke again.

    “Mom is gone.”

Her voice was smooth, her words practiced. She spoke as if she was quoting a prepared speech. He didn’t understand her at first. The words she had strung together made no sense.

    “She died…she died a little while ago.”

Hermann reached over and mutely took her hand in his.

    “She didn’t…she wasn’t hurting. She told me so…she was talking until the very end.”

Neta squeezed his hand and pushed her head into his shoulder.

     “The Blue was inside her. They…they tried to save her…but it was so bad. If you hadn’t put the salad dressing on her…she probably would have died back at the hotel.”

Hermann felt his chest seize up and tears form. He knew that he should be the strong one here. Neta was the one who lost her mother, her partner.  She was the one that deserved to cry…but he couldn’t stop himself, the hurt was like an open wound. He let out a choked moan and shook his head.

    “No…”

It was all he could say, the only word his lips could form. Neta let out a guttural sob. Her body loosened, shoulders shaking violently. The young woman put her arms around him and he embraced her tightly, rocking her back and forth. They stayed like that until Hermann started to hiccup, gagging on hot tears and mucus. Neta wiped at her face and his with a jacket sleeve, looking up into the falling snow.

    “She…told me to be strong. She said I had to take care of everyone because she couldn’t anymore. The twins, the other Rangers...and she said specifically...Neta don’t let the scientists out of your sight.”

Hermann laughed and blubbered at the same time, wiping at snot freezing on his upper lip. She hugged him again and he rubbed her back murmuring weakly into her hair.

    “...I imagine she would have asked us to take care of you as well…don’t you?”

She stood slowly and helped him to his feet reaching up to brush snow from his shoulder.     

     “Come on Cariño…lets go in before we catch cold.”

 

    Hermann found Sonia by sheer luck. He had parted reluctantly with Neta and was walking back to his own bed in quarantine when he heard the clatter of a metal tray and a familiar voice.

    “That fucking HURTS!”

 The nurses didn’t speak English well and the reply to this was garbled.

    “Miss pleese…we give you steeches now…’old still!”

Curious he peeked past the curtain and saw the Whateley twin with blood running down her face and two nurses holding her still. A third was attempted to stitch up a huge gash in her forehead

     “Miss Whateley! That’s QUITE enough!”

Sonia relaxed when she spotted him, holding her arms out.

     “Doc…oh god doc I’m so glad to see you…Wow. You look like shit.”

Hermann stepped past the cloth divider towards her bed and frowned sternly.

    “You need to let these people help you Miss Whateley you are making an ass of yourself.”

She glowered at him and the nurse took advantage of the lull in her struggling to finish stitching up the laceration on her forehead.

     “They won’t let me see Howie! I need to see him!”

The nurses holding her let go and the one who was stitching her up gave Gottlieb a meaningful look. He nodded, walking closer to the side of the bed, distracting Sonia so the nurse could finish.

     “When were you separated?”

     “They took him away awhile ago ....His shoulder got covered in Blue. He was mad at me…”

The nurse cleaned the wound with a yellow disinfectant and wrapped Sonia’s head in gauze. She examined the IV bag tapping it and nodded to Gottlieb before she and the other nurses beat a hasty retreat to go work with other patients. Hermann sat on the edge of Sonia’s bed. She looked unsteadily at him, dazed.

     “They were taking him for treatment he urgently needs…Why is he mad at you?”

    “He told me not to attack one of the mask guys and I did anyway. Now he’s kinda pissed.”

 Hermann took her hand and she squeezed his fingers gratefully.

     “Start at the beginning…Tell me what happened.”

     “Ok…So when they burst in the hall…I watched them shoot a city official and start pouring blood on people. Howard and I both got down behind the big table when Mr. Zorya flipped it over. Howard told me to play dead but …I couldn’t do it…I just remember getting really _really_ angry when I heard Mrs. Melero scream. So I leapt over the table and…started beating up this guy in a Striker mask…”

Hermann thought of her punching Joyce and of the Carpathia charging pell-mell towards Vesuvius. She was as impulsive as Newton if not worse. He just nodded.

    “Go on…”

     “So…I’m throttling the guy and I didn’t notice he had a handgun…Howard did though. He shouts at me, tackles him and the bullet almost takes off the top of my head but…”

She reached up and touched her bandaged forehead eyes wide and shocked.

    “He…he reached for a bucket with a little blood in it. I think he was aiming for Howie’s face but only got his shoulder. Howard fell off him and he got away…then they were all gone. I could feel Howard hurting real bad…but I could also feel how ANGRY he was… _is_ with me.

     “I speak from experience Miss Whateley and I’m telling you he is angry because you acted recklessly. You brought yourself into harm’s way senselessly and he was scared for you. It...It is a very frustrating feeling when someone you…someone you care about does this.”

She sniffled and chewed at her bottom lip, looking down at the IV irately.

     “I have to find him. I think they slipped me a knock-out thing…I told them not too…”

      “A…knock-out thing? You mean a sedative?”

     “Yeah…that thing. I kicked a hospital guy when he touched my face.”

     “Miss Whateley…why did you kick a nurse?”

She shrugged and picked at the IV, Hermann pulled her hand away from it.

     “I dunno…I was angry.”

    “You do seem to suffer from that problem.”

     “Yeah?  You were the one that punched the TV guy.”

     “I...yes. I suppose I can’t argue with that.”

She smelled like chemical shower and blood and Hermann could see her fighting drowsiness.

     “I have to get up and find Howie and Mrs. M…I have to know if she’s ok…”

Hermann pulled his hand back and a lump lodged itself in his throat. He had thought he was out of tears but could feel more brimming immediately, burning his tired eyes.

     “Mi-...Sonia...”

She looked at him head tilted to the side nose scrunched slightly.

     “Mrs. Melero is dead.”

She blinked at him confused and he watched the same emotions pass over her face that Neta had must have seen in his own. She snuffled and bit her bottom lip.

     “…I’ll fucking kill them all.”

    “Sonia…I don’t think that…”

    “…see how big they are when I smash the Siren’s foot up their asses!…”

She let out a wounded cry, breath coming in hitching tear-filled gasps.

     “How DARE they. H…how dare they do that to her!…they didn’t know her!…they didn’t know what she was like. They...”

Hermann reached out and pulled her close. He could not remember a time in his entire life where he had so willingly touched people or let himself be touched. He had always avoided physical contact like the plague…that seemed so silly now. Sonia Whateley’s body went slack and she sniffled gripping him tightly. It took all his strength not to break down again.

    “I…I do not think Mrs. Melero would want you to kill anyone on her behalf do you?”

     “I don’t CARE!”

Sonia looked at him her eyes glazed. Whatever the medical staff had pumped her with was beginning to wear on her down. When she spoke her voice was confused …almost petulant. Like a little girls.

     “I love Mrs. Melero…How can she just be gone?”

Hermann could only shake his head, rubbing his palm into his eyes trying to hold his own tears back.

     “I don’t know…but she didn’t leave you because she wished to. She had no say in the matter.”

 Gottlieb cast about for something to distract Sonia. Through a row of dividers he spotted a table set out in the center of the ward. It was full of books and board games. Things to divert the people well enough to be bored. He got up and limped over to grab a small box marked “Chinese Checkers.” He recalled the Whateleys enjoyed the game. Returning to Sonia’s bed he smoothed a place on the covers near her legs and started to set up the board.

    “What color would you like?”

    “I…yellow please…”

He turned the yellow marbles her direction and set up the ones on the opposite side of the star for himself. They were black. He hoped that he could sidetrack her long enough for the sedatives to kick her to sleep. Sonia moved her first marble with an unsteady hand, all her attention on the game now.

     “It’s just like it was with Warren. One day he was there…just going to college, pretending to be angry at our prank calls…and then he wasn’t. Just like that. He died of Blue too. Just…in a different way.”

She wiped at her eyes and watched Hermann. He guessed that she was talking about her brother. The one Newton had mentioned.

      “I don’t want any more people to die…I don’t want Newt or you to die doc. I love you.”

Hermann felt himself blush. Growing up he was more likely to see a pig fly then hear the words I love you spoken out loud. His family was not really the…emotional kind. Geiszler would be handling this so much better than him. Newton understood sloppy emotions. It was a language he was well versed in. Hermann moved a black marble forward.

    “I will make a genuine effort not to die Miss Whateley.”

They continued playing until most of the marbles sat in the middle of the star. Sonia snorted slightly rubbing at her snotty nose. Her head drooped and she struggled to keep her eyes open. Hermann took her shoulders in both hands and leaned her backwards into the bed. He could see the blistering specks of red on her neck and chest where the Blue had splattered. If not for the thick greenish ointment smeared on them he almost would have mistaken them for freckles. The Whateleys both had quite a few. Picking up the checkers game he set it on the bedside table.

     “Sleep Miss Whateley.”

     “I can’t…Howie…we haven’t made up yet.”

     “I’m sure he’ll be here when you wake up. He won’t stay mad for long.”

He stayed with her, holding her hand until she was out. Her breathing ragged even in sleep. Hermann smoothed her copper hair away from the bandage and swallowed at the lump in his throat. He felt so empty…drained…numb. All he wanted was sleep. Limping slowly through the long ward back to his bed he pulled open the curtain and was surprised to find a nice suit of clothes and his green parka laid out waiting for him. He leaned down confused, picking up a note left atop of a fresh blood-free pillowcase.

 

_Dr. Gottlieb,_

_Your presence is desired at a late dinner this evening. Please get dressed and come to the side entrance of the hospital. You will be met by a black SUV and taken directly to the restaurant we have chosen for the meeting._

_-Major Ray Barlowe_

 

   Hermann blinked at it, reading it multiple times. He massaged his temples trying to puzzle through it…he was so tired. The last thing he wanted was to get into these clothes and go to some shady gathering held by higher-ups in the PPDC food chain. Barlowe was the man at the memorial ceremony…had he been at dinner? Gottlieb couldn’t recall. Was Newton going to be there? This pushed a bit of adrenaline into his blood. Newton would have to be there…they would not have one pilot without the other. This meeting would be important if they had seen fit to bring him out of Blue observation only a few hours after the press banquet. The prospect of seeing Newt was enough to make him pull on the clean clothes…the connection was quiet. Wherever Newton was…he was still.

 

   The city of Helsinki was on fire. Or at least it seemed that way to Hermann. From where he sat in the back of the sleek black SUV the world was one big crowd of screaming angry people. Outside the hospital there had been a large group of candle wielding citizens keeping vigil for the attack victims. A few blocks from the peaceful gathering there was a protective ring of riot police and beyond them….violence. It felt like he was moving through the circles of Hell in Dante’s inferno, the black car carrying him straight to the bottom of the pit where the traitors resided.

   The police held up clear plastic riot shields and Gottlieb felt his stomach knot as flaming bottle was chucked forward exploding in front of a battered police car. All this rushed quickly out of view but he could still hear shrill screaming voices. Looters ran back and forth between broken burning shops. Most of these businesses sported “Welcome Rangers!” signs prominently in their windows. They were being punished unfairly, just as Mrs. Melero had been. The SUV screeched to a stop so suddenly Herman almost pitched to the ground. He looked around bewildered but could not see the driver through the tinted glass separating the back from the front of the car. He realized why they had jerked to a halt when the ground started to shake. Through the SUV’s wet streaked window Hermann watched the enormous foot of a Jaeger come crashing down into the intersection. The force of the footstep made several nearby cars jump into the air. They smashed down hard, alarms blaring, filling the air with more noise and confusion. The Jaeger took another gigantic step forward, scattering protesters and looters in its wake. The whole world tinted a road-flare red, the falling snow becoming grey ash.

   Gottlieb didn’t recognize the Jaeger. He craned his neck trying to get a better look at its head and chest. It was built like a tank. He was positive it wasn’t the Shrike. The construction was far too squat and bulky. It had to be another Fortress II mech…and like the Shrike it had a strange sense of design that was foreign…uncomfortable. A wave of smoke followed in its wake and Gottlieb realized it was dispensing tear gas. The SUV pulled cautiously forward as the Jaeger turned down a side street, leaving a trail of holes in the road as it walked. The world outside the car windows disappeared into a foul cloud of yellow gas. There was a sudden burst of flame and Hermann squinted, trying to see what had caused it. He spotted a protester chucking a Molotov cocktail uselessly at the Jaeger’s legs. The car accelerated, speeding to what he could only assume was a safer part of the city. Hermann pushed his hand hard into his ribs trying to calm his racing heart. It felt like Newton was still asleep or at least doing something quiet, undoubtedly still drugged. If Newton was calm…at least a part of him was.

   The SUV pulled up to a Japanese restaurant on the waterfront. When Hermann climbed out into the street he could smell burning wood, saltwater and snow on the wind. The night air blew right through him and when looked back at the skyline he could see billowing clouds of black smoke reaching for the sky. The nearly full moon was stained yellow with it. Shivering he turned away, limping through a low wooden door into a Japanese style courtyard. A red sign with a Kaiju’s grinning face informed him he was in a place called “O-Yama’s.” Steeling up his courage he walked through the dark front doors.

The inside was dimly lit. Most of the light came from candles at the tables and the rest from the ominous electric murals on the walls. They were grotesque but Newton probably would have appreciated them Hermann decided. Each mural seemed to be dedicated to a different Kaiju and was created with neon lights, clay and glow-in-the-dark paint. He stood in the waiting area examining a scene depicting Knifehead destroying the Gipsy Danger. It was enormous. Even with the tip of his cane he could not have touched the Kaiju’s glowing neon-bulb eyes.

     “Dr. Gottlieb yes? Your party is expecting you. Allow me to take your coat.”

He nodded mouth set in a determined line. Handing the waiter his parka he followed him back past empty tables. No one was here…why would they be? Their city was crumbling outside. They passed more murals and finally into a back hall with individual dining rooms. Hermann pushed the black screen aside and stood looking at a low table around which three people were seated. It was hard to see them at first. The light here came mostly from a red-tinted floor to ceiling aquarium that made up the rooms left wall. Taking a small step closer he could see Sergeant Joyce first and nodded to him.

    “Sir…I”

The person seated next to Joyce spoke immediately, his voice razor quick and dagger smooth. It was the same man who gave the speech at the memorial ceremony Gottlieb realized. Major Ray Barlowe.

     “Welcome Dr. Gottlieb! So glad you decided to join us. Please make yourself comfortable.

 The third man had his back to Hermann and he turned teeth flashing white.

    “Guten Abend Little brother!”

Hermann took an unsteady step back.

    “Dietrich? What are you…how…how good to see you.”

  Hermann felt his lungs dilate and his body start to shake slightly. He attempted to give no outward sign that his brother’s presence was anything but mildly interesting. Newton wasn’t here…he was alone.

     “Major Barlowe I have come as you requested…”

Barlowe beckoned with a hand gesturing to the empty space across from him.

    “Sit! Please. What can I order for you? Sake? Beer? The sushi here is excellent and very fresh.”

Hermann looked down and saw they were all sitting cross-legged on the floor. He couldn’t…it was going to hurt and he would be stuck after five minutes. He had a feeling they knew that. This meeting was not meant to make him comfortable, Dietrich was proof of that. He lowered himself down to the ground with difficulty and compromised by stretching his bad leg out and folding the good one under it. It was still very awkward and he could almost feel his brother laughing at him.

    “I…find myself lacking an appetite sir. Water will be fine thank you.”

Dietrich slapped him hard on the back. He had already been drinking. Hermann could smell it sweating out his skin.

     “Oh come now! Have ONE drink little brother! Let me see if you can still hold your beer like a true Gottlieb!”

     “No...I..”

Barlowe interrupted crisply.

     “If your brother wishes to abstain Gottlieb it is his business. If not he will be welcome to share anything we order. Alright…introductions first I think. You know your own brother of course. If you weren’t aware he is the man in charge of relations between the PPDC and the World Peace Commission. He’s also our man inside most government agencies. Our…funding manager if you will.”

Their father had helped get him this job. Hermann had no doubt of that. Lars Gottlieb had retired from the PPDC but his influence was still felt. Dietrich had never had a strong personality…he may have been good with money but he liked things that came easy. This and his resentment towards Hermann’s intelligence made their relationship very bitter. Seeing him here was a punch to the stomach he had not expected.

     “Sergeant Joyce is the man in charge of Fortress I as you already know and I am the top brass at Fortress II… And you Doctor…

Barlowe ran a slow fingertip over the lip of his glass. He was near Hermann’s age…perhaps a year or two younger. He was handsome enough, face sharp and eyes dark…almost black. His hair was cut as severely as his jaw and his voice had a lilt of some almost lost accent that Gottlieb guessed to be Dutch.

     “…Are a puzzle…And I’m sure you’re wondering why you have been brought here tonight.”   

     “Yes. The thought had crossed my mind sir.”

Barlow gave a satisfied smile at the sarcastic reply. Like he had been expecting it and was glad everything was going according to plan.

     “Where do I begin? I suppose with your loyalty. Some in the organization have begun to question your loyalty and your partners. You do want to destroy the Kaiju yes?”

Hermann frowned confused. It was such an odd question…he could not imagine anyone asking it with seriousness a year ago.

      “Of course. That is the job I’ve dedicated more than ten years of my life to…”

      “That is good to know. Now… my next question is very important and please answer me truthfully Dr. Gottlieb. Please do not _lie_. If you lie I will know…Tell me...did you or did you not have a direct line of communication with the Kaiju codenamed Kotick before his death?”

Hermann was taken aback. He debated how best to answer trying to make his face unreadable. In his official reports and briefings with the PPDC he had not been completely… upfront about his communications with Kotick. and he definitely did not confess to having shared dreams with the Kaiju. He had a feeling the PPDC knew something about he and Newton’s connection to the hivemind…but he wasn’t sure exactly _what_ they knew. Hermann wasn’t willing to tell them more then what was absolutely necessary. The details were best kept between Newton and himself...

    “No. I saw him in the drift, felt his pain at times and saw his thoughts briefly before his death…”

Barlowe sighed and shook his head sadly. He looked at Gottlieb sympathetically. As if he regretted what he had to do next. He had given the wrong answer.

    “I said not to lie to me Dr. Gottlieb.”

The air grew thick and tense. The shadows of tropical fish glided over Barlowe’s face as he held out his cell phone. He tapped a button on the screen and Hermann was surprised when his own voice came out of it shivery and soft.

_“I…I do not know how to explain it Newton…Kotick has helped me. We have been communicating for months in dreams….Possibly longer I do not remember half of what I dream.”_

_“Yeah…Krueger was like that too… Kind of. “_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Krueger was lonely. I mean…the Kaiju came out through the breach one at a time but they still had a connection to the group. When we blew up the breach we effectively cut them all off. I think that changed their programmed behavior but…it didn’t change their desire to be part of the hive. I was there and Krueger reached out to me...you can’t imagine how shitty I felt when they started cutting him up alive. ”_

_“Yes…I can imagine. I do not want that to happen to Kotick.”_

_“Krueger wouldn’t attack me but he killed a K-science drone and three PPDC soldiers before they knocked him out. I was pretty much crazy at that point…felt his pain. Joyce figured it out and that’s how I got into the Jaeger program. I mean that’s a great secret weapon right…a Jaeger the Kaiju won’t touch!_

_“You know how you saw his heart on the ship? They had actually sent it to Fortress II. They took it right from his chest to their hack-job Defensive Tech department.…. I had to write some serious fucking letters to get it back. They finally just gave in just to shut me up.”_

_“You worked for Fortress II yes?…”_

_“Briefly. Like I told you, after Hong Kong shut down they wanted me to create weapons. Then the sightings started and I escaped here to study Gogmagog. It was great. Everyone left me the fuck alone until Krueger happened…then everything just turned to shit.”_

_“Geiszler… why did you not tell about everything sooner? You made it seem like you were doing alright. In your letters…”_

_“So I could interrupt the life you wanted to get back to so badly? You ran off and left me Hermann. You just took off without so much as a fuck you. You didn’t care and…I didn’t blame you.”_

_“No…Geiszler I…”_

_“Shutup Hermann…I’m not mad…not really. I never asked you to come back…and when I finally couldn’t take it anymore…you did come back. When I asked you to…you did. Besides…you’ve been just as miserable as me all this time… It’s not hard to see that. After you left…I think I reached out to him too…To Krueger. I was as lonely as he was. Maybe unconsciously you did the same thing with Kotick. ”_

_“I suppose that is possible….”_

 

Barlowe clicked off the recording and stared at him unsmiling. Hermann stammered his cheeks flushing bright red. The conversation was from he and Newton’s time in D-HOC. He recognized it and it took him only a moment to figure out how they had recorded it. In the background of the whole conversation he could hear a rapid mechanical beeping noise…His own heartbeat.

    “You bugged my holter monitor? What …what other things have you recorded?”

Dietrich elbowed him roughly in the ribs and his grin widened. He was half-way to drunk and the whole situation just seemed to make him giddy.

    “You mean what other sweet nothings have we caught? Love to send some of this stuff to dad. I mean he does wonder what you’re up to…”

Barlowe sighed gently and placed his phone on the table.

    “Enough Gottlieb.”

Joyce spoke for the first time and he sounded almost apologetic.

     “I promise you doctor…the holter monitor was the first time...we thought maybe you would talk about the location of the white Kaiju in isolation….The only other time you were recorded were your sessions with Dr. Sendak.”

Hermann stammered and in the back of his mind the hive started to feel faintly restless.

     “I don’t believe you!”

He and Newton had sounded so frightened and vulnerable in the recording. It made him feel exposed. They had captured something intimate…private. All his posturing was gone now. Hermann averted his eyes when Barlowe looked into his face.

      “You had a direct link to the Kaiju Kotick. You and Geiszler clearly had a link with the Kaiju he codenamed Vesuvius. I’ll ask you again. Did you or did you not have a direct line of communication with the Kaiju Kotick? And do you currently have a direct line of communication with the other Kaiju?”

Hermann took a strangled breath and hated himself when he answered like a guilty child.

      “Yes. I communicated with Kotick many times. Geiszler and I are both connected to the Kaiju hivemind…a residual effect of our drifting with Kaiju brain matter. It is no secret we feel the Kaiju’s pain…our connection is obvious. We’ve made no secret of it. As…as far as a direct connection to the others we…

He swallowed wondering if Barlowe would know if he lied again. He chanced it.

     “When we spoke to Vesuvius it was accidental…but….in _theory_ we could speak directly to them…”

     “Ah…see? Telling the truth wasn’t so hard was it doctor? Here…have a drink. You look thirsty.”

He pushed a sweating glass of ice water at Hermann and he considered it. His throat was dry but he didn’t trust the Major…any of them...enough to pick it up.

    “Alright…So it’s possible for you to talk to them. You have a link with the hivemind. That much I could gather from the information I already had. Now that I have your attention tell me... how strong is this connection? How much control do you have over them?”

Hermann frowned and couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow.

    “Control? We… have no control over them. And our communication, when it happens, can be very painful…It is usually out of our hands completely. We could control them like we could control a hurricane.”

But that wasn’t entirely true…not anymore was it? Gottlieb shivered internally. Barlowe leaned forward the light glinting off the pins and medals on his uniform. There was something dangerous in his voice that made Hermann’s stomach clench.

     “You must have some control….otherwise they would not have spared the Ontario or the Carpathia. Remember what I said about lying Dr. Gottlieb.”

Hermann leaned away and jerked his leg and hip in the process, sending a flash of pain up his back. He could feel Newton stir in the back of his brain…just what he needed.

     “We just…we asked them. We didn’t tell them what to do we simply…asked them. Like equals. They consider us one of them…as Newton said in the….in the recording. Krueger would not touch him. The Kaiju will not attack us. That doesn’t mean they will take orders…Joyce has told you this I’m sure…he knows this information from…”

The major interrupted him, his voice low and poisonous.

“If I wish the sergeant to tell me something I will ask him myself…but I am not asking him…I am asking you. Your refusal to answer simple questions again makes me question your loyalty to your own species Doctor Gottlieb.”    

The room went dead silent and Hermann could hear his pulse thumping in his ears. Barlowe continued, all the men around the table watching as he took a small sip of his sake.

     “I don’t care if I ask you to tell me something that is on your public dossier. I don’t care if I ask you what two plus two is. You will answer me truthfully and without hesitation…now.”

He ran a hand through his pale hair, composing himself.

     “…Asking and telling are both sides of the same coin. Can you talk to them at a distance? Can you tell them to do things from far away or is it only when you are close to them?”

Gottlieb licked his lips nervously his mind racing for a way out of this. His chest was starting to get very tight. He tried to take a calming breath and felt a sharp tickle of pain behind his ribs.

      “I’m telling you sir. We can’t make them to do anything…We can’t just speak to them anytime we want and we have no idea how the connection really works. It’s not even really speaking. It’s…feelings and memories…and…it may end up killing us…”

He trailed off when Barlowe frowned, looking over at the fish tank thoughtfully.

     “But you are a scientist….You could find out more about the connection yes?”

     “With…perhaps with enough time we could find out more about the nature of the connection. But I doubt we could give the Kaiju commands.”

Inside the connection Gottlieb could feel Newton’s concern. He was reaching out and it almost felt as if a hand was trying to touch the pain inside Hermann’s chest. A terrible heat burned in his face and neck. They all knew what he was doing with Newt… Dietrich had heard it. That’s why they had brought his brother here…the shame was making him easy to manipulate. What if they had…had heard them in the pool or…oh god. He gently pushed Newton away, blocking the little buzzing part of his brain. He attempted to shut out the hive as well. He needed to be alone in his own head right now. He needed to think straight.

     “This has been most informative Dr. Gottlieb…thank you.”

The waiter brought out trays of food and Barlowe smiled at him graciously complimenting everything on the table in flawless Japanese. The Major picked up a bit of sushi and chewed it slowly, savoring the salmon. Hermann watched the dark shapes of fish swimming through the red aquarium. A mako shark glided past…dreamlike.

    “Your partner Dr. Geiszler proved to be uncooperative over and over again when he worked in my Shatterdome and I knew speaking to him would be a gesture in futility. I’m glad to find his partner more…obliging. “

Gottlieb found his eyes drawn to Joyce, the man was still actively avoiding his gaze. The Sergeant looked as nervous as he felt and kept fidgeting awkwardly in his uniform. Hermann cast a sidelong glance at Dietrich who was slugging down sake and shoving exorbitantly priced sushi down his throat like he didn’t have a care in the world.

     “Why do you want to know if Geiszler and I can control the Kaiju major? If we could we would certainly have already used that ability to help you wipe them out…Surely you’re not thinking of using them as….as weapons.”

Barlowe started to laugh and shook his head as if Hermann had just said something hilarious.    

     “Weapons? Haha! ...god no! Perhaps parts of them can be weaponized but the entire thing? Never. Jaegers were designed to kill Kaiju after all….And I doubt you would do anything to wipe them out at this point Gottlieb…I doubt it very much. I’ve heard the way you and Geiszler speak about them first hand."

The major examined a blood red bit of tuna with his chopsticks, considering it.

     “I want…no NEED you to figure out this connection of yours doctor. You can’t control them now? …figure out how you can. I want your full support on this.”

    “And…and what if I chose not to give my full support?”

Barlowe sighed resignedly. Setting down his chopsticks with a sharp click that made Deitrich look up momentarily from a text he was writing on his phone.

     “The most obvious is declaring you and your partner Kaiju sympathizers and charging you with treason…however there are other…less messy things I could do…”

He seemed to consider a moment.

    “Maybe I’ll tell the press more about Geiszler smothering Sean Patrick’s brain with his until the man suffocated. There would be an investigation. Perhaps he lied to the PPDC about his disorder and we didn’t catch it in his tests quickly enough…. He wouldn’t be formally charged with murder but…just the suggestion of it.

He paused as if to let that thought sink in before he continued, pouring himself more sake.

     “Maybe I’ll convince the UN to open an investigation into Neta Melero for supposed crimes against humanity in California… Or Sonia Whateley, she assaulted a superior officer. The program is very important to her and her brother…but the charge is enough to warrant expulsion if pressed.”

He shook his head as if what he had just suggested hurt him very deeply, continuing in the same cool clipped voice. His tone was no different than if he had been chatting about the food.

    “Vanessa Gottlieb used to work for the PPDC didn’t she? Ahh…But I digress. I would prefer not to have to resort to any of these things…especially if it would hurt a good Ranger.”

Gottlieb scowled at him, the fear in his stomach quickly replaced with anger. He straightened his back and bared his teeth almost unconsciously, his grip tightening painfully around the handle of his cane.

     “I assure you doctor…that none of that will ever happen if you work with me.”

Hermann turned away from the fish tank and tried to catch Joyce’s eye again. The man hadn’t touched his food either, his hand wrapped white knuckled around a pair of chopsticks.

   “I’m not a cruel person Doctor. What do you need? The body of the white Kaiju? It’s yours. Funding? Your brother can get you as much as you want. And I think you would find the lab facilities at Fortress II to be much more accommodating…”

     “NO.”

Hermann felt the word rip out his throat violently.

     “N-no. Fortress I is where I was assigned...Newton and I need privacy to…”

Dietrich started to snicker at that, his face turning red. Tears dribbled down his cheeks as he let out braying laughs.

    “Oh I bet you do!”

Joyce cleared his throat and looked at Barlowe, visibly intimidated.

    “Sir…if I may intercede on the doctor’s behalf. You get progress when his partner is happy…and his partner wouldn’t be happy going back to Fortress II. They are a team...”

Barlowe considered this and his silence was more terrifying even then his voice.

    “I see your point…yes. You and Geiszler may continue working in Fortress I. But there will be changes…and don’t think that just because you are working on the Kaiju problem you are excused from Ranger duties. I currently find myself down three pilots and with several teams out of commission. I need all the pilots I can get even the…green ones. “

The waiter came in and set down their check. He spoke with Barlowe, the two holding a swift intense conversation in Japanese. Gottlieb caught the word phone a few times. His Japanese was rusty, but he had lived in Tokyo long enough to recognize certain words. Barlowe turned to Joyce and started to speak to him angrily, both of them prattling on in rapid Japanese.

 

Hermann turned his attention to the black tray holding the receipt. He reached out and picking up one of the four peppermints laying there.  He held it tight in one hand and turned to look at Dietrich. His brother was still texting on his phone, chortling as he did so.

     “You don’t even realize why you’re here do you Dietrich?”

His brother looked up and just smiled at him.

     “Aside from the fact you’ve fucked up majorly? Aside from being a witness to how you’ve ruined your life by not listening to father time and time again?  Well…I was invited to your big coming out party. I have to say you picked a real winner. Little undersized eh? Sure hope he’s on top…”

Hermann felt his face burn. He looked down at the peppermint in his hand, turning it over in his long fingers, attempting to draw strength from it.

     “I’m sure they’ve told you that as long as I cooperate you are not to tell father…well…tell him. I don’t care anymore.”

Dietrich lowered his phone, eyes narrowing, sobering slightly. When he spoke he had switched to hissing German.

     “<That’s a lie and you know it.>”

     “<It…it’s not...What…Geiszler and I…>.”

He choked on the words and swallowed hard reaching out to find Newt again. Dietrich leaned forward eagerly head on his hand. He had a wicked grin that reached all the way to his eyes.

     “<What we do…is …none of you and father’s business…>”

    “<What you do? Which shameful thing are you referring to? The sex or the Kaiju worship? You always thought you were so smart little brother…well...From what I’m told you aren’t…I hope you enjoy the company you’ve chosen because it is who you are stuck with from now on. I think I will wait to tell father…until the right time.  Let that hang over your head…>”

Hermann felt his face burn with guilt and humiliation. They were old feelings with deep roots...buried down where his father still managed to control a part of him…even now.

     <”We…we haven’t done that! ...we…>

     <”Haven’t done what?...Haven’t _fucked_? Say it Hermann. Say I haven’t fucked my lab partner.” >

Newt reached out to him, trying to speak to him. Hermann could almost hear the words… _I’m worried about you…I miss you….I love you_. He looked at his hands shoulders hunched.

    <”If we had… If we did. It …it wouldn’t matter…”>

Dietrich went into a fresh spasm of laughter. He was about to say something else but Barlowe gestured to him sharply.

    “Dietrich…come. We need to go. The call is going to happen in a half an hour…”

The Major smiled graciously at Hermann and bowed his head.

     “Thank you for coming Doctor this has a very productive meeting. I will make sure that the items you and Geiszler requested are delivered ASAP. I will be calling on you for a progress report soon.”

His brother stood giving Hermann one last manic smile before staggering behind Barlowe out of the screened room. Joyce lingered and leaned down, offering to help Gottlieb up. Hermann took his hand only because he didn’t think he could move on his own…his leg had locked painfully. He attempted to rub life back into it speaking softly.

     “If you recorded us in D-HOC…you had proof that Sineui threatened Geiszler and I. Even if you heard it after the Samson fought the Carpathia…you could have…”

     “I sent them to Fortress II. It’s all I could do….”

Joyce turned and left Hermann standing there in a kind of daze.

     “I’ll see you at home Dr. Gottlieb…”

 

   The SUV had to let him out two blocks from the hospital. Hermann stood at the very edge of the crowd keeping vigil with their white candles and soft songs. The riots had calmed and the night turned quiet. Hermann walked through a throng of bundled up people singing some gentle song in Finnish that sounded almost like a lullaby. He paused when something caught his eye. The blank stone wall of a nearby building had been tagged with black and red paint. In giant bold letters the graffiti read…

     _**Kaiju Killers Die with Kaiju!**_

Under the slogan was a sloppy stencil image of a Jaeger’s head with X’s in its eye shield, a cartoony depiction of death. Hermann stared at it, feeling a strange disconnect from what he was seeing and what he was hearing. A sudden warm light flared in his head and a shrill voice in the crowd made him turn sharply. Candlelight danced as someone pushed violently through the crowd from the hospital gate.

     “Hermann!”

Newton was screaming his name, desperately trying to work his way through the throng. He squeezed his way to where his partner was standing and plowed into him, clasping him violently. Hermann dropped his cane with a dull thud, hugging him back hard as he could. They clung to each other shaking. Newt supported Hermann’s weight as he pitched forward, his legs barely able to keep him upright. They looked into each other’s faces and Hermann leaned down, pressing his forehead to Newton’s as the smaller man laughed deliriously.

    “Fuck…I was so …I was so scared...the attack and  ...”

Newt couldn’t find the right words. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. The connection burned hot. The feelings of relief and love were so deep Hermann felt like he was drowning in them. Ignoring the mass of people around them, his brother and even his own rules about open affection he pushed his lips to Geiszler’s. Their noses mashed together uncomfortably. The kiss was as clutching and desperate as the hug had been. Hermann just wanted to make sure …wanted to reassure himself that Newt was really there. He couldn’t touch him enough to really make himself believe it. He broke away and they panted, Newton’s hands curled tight in his hair.

      “<We’re getting better at the kiss thing…but next time I bet we can do even better.>

Hermann made a noise that was half moan half chuckle.

      “<I…you are going to rip out my hair Newton….>

Newt let his hands drop slowly and pressed his face into Hermann’s chest.

     “<They wouldn’t let me in the hospital. They wouldn’t let me contact you…I was trying to figure out a way to break in when I saw you. I knew you were alive…you didn’t feel badly hurt but…The hive was freaking out…I’ve NEVER felt that happen before. Wait...What are you even doing out here!?>”

Hermann looked at him and he couldn’t find his feet… too exhausted to stand. His knees were trembling and Newt struggled to hold him up grabbing for his cane.

    “<I…I need to lie down …we have a lot to talk about but….I don’t have the strength...”>

Newton squeezed his arm attempting to hold him steady.

     “<Then lets find you somewhere to crash buddy….I’m never letting you out of my sight ever again…”>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an extremely difficult chapter to write. Some parts I ended up writing multiple times. I knew Mrs. Melero was going to die since the beginning but I still felt terrible about it. Sorry guys.
> 
> http://blairtrabbit.tumblr.com/


	13. Fight Until the Last is Dead

   Hermann felt the warmth before he saw the light. Heat spread from his stomach outwards, moving through his veins in delicious trickles of gold. The world all around him was a dark aquamarine color that brightened steadily. The sky above turned a hundred shades of blue that melting into one other, becoming lighter with each passing second. The sun warmed his face and thawed his bones. Since coming to Fortress…no…since he took his first step onto the Ontario and nearly froze to death in the Meat Locker, Gottlieb couldn’t remember a time when he had felt sufficiently warm. But now the gold in his veins burned glorious and thick. He blinked a few times and gazed up into a startlingly clear cloudless sky. The heat pushed into his bones and under his ribs. It sought out every ache and in seconds all the pain in Hermann’s body evaporated…like it had never existed at all.

  Gottlieb tried to sit up and realized he was floating on his back in salt water. Kicking upright he swam forward and attempted to get his bearings. Water so blue it made his eyes tear-up stretched in every direction. It joined seamlessly with the sky at the horizon line, creating one unbroken cerulean expanse as far as he could see. The water was so clear that looking at the far sea bottom was like looking through a curvy pane of glass, every grain of sand perfectly visible. Glittering jewel-like fish shimmered as they passed in tightly bunched schools. Coral of every color created a city of jumbled shapes and textures below Hermann’s feet. His own body was a vague pale shadow below the distorted mirror surface of the ocean.

   A dreamy peace settled over Hermann and he let himself sink. The water pushed over his head, engulfing him on all sides. Examining his hand Hermann turning it over and wiggled his fingers experimentally. His body was made of blue light. The discovery was oddly unsurprising, just as it did not startle Hermann when he found breathing as easy underwater as it was above. Something vibrated all around him, low and soft at first…building up until he felt his teeth chatter. It was like whale song. He could barely catch his breath with how good it felt, how intense. The song grew louder as a Kaiju swam beneath his feet. Gottlieb didn’t recognize it, even as it turned gracefully in the water and brushed past him close enough to touch. In appearance it had the frilly fins and thin body of a giant oarfish. Three sets of arms rested along its smooth sides and long slender legs curved into its broad tail. It swept past him for several minutes, lithe body rippling with the current. Just like Hermann the monster was made of light rather than flesh. It was a sapphire blue and when his fingers brushed it golden radiance flared up his arm into his chest. The feeling of warmth and power that poured through his muscles made Hermann gasp. The Kaiju turned its head to look at him and he caught himself gazing into the largest of its three glowing eyes. Traces of his reflection stared back from the depths of the Kaiju’s pupil. The creature opened its mouth and raised its voice in song. That’s what the vibration was…all the Kaiju were singing. From every direction in the endless water…the Kaiju were singing together.

A hand brushed Hermann’s back and he swiveled in the water to find a mouth pressed to his. The Kaiju’s song echoed through the water…blending together harmoniously with the feelings of love and want that streamed through the unexpected kiss. The familiar connection overpowered him and completed him all at once.

_Life…love…new…brother…hive_

He pulled away from the kiss reluctantly to find a Newton Geiszler made of entirely of blue light looking back at him. His face was perfect. There was no sign of a stroke, no bags under his eyes…he was healthy and utterly himself. Newt’s tattoos floated off his skin and hovered around him. The bands of color twisted into hundreds of multicolored fish that swam around and into Hermann’s body. He could feel the flitter of fins inside his stomach and chest. Neither man spoke, there was no need to.   

   Hermann pushed his hands past the tangle of fish, running them over Newton’s face. He touched his skin, trailing fingertips over the contours of his neck and chest. His hands moved downward, exploring every inch of him. Gottlieb drew Newt closer, his entire body burning. The blue song trembled in his chest and groin. His legs tangled with Newton’s. The tattoo fish swam through his brain and it felt like ever molecule of him was aroused.

_Love….life….welcome…new_

Hermann pressed into another kiss and felt Newton’s tongue in his mouth for the first time. The man tasted slightly of peppermint. Newt sought out the shapes of Hermann’s shoulder blades, running inquisitive hands down his spine over his hipbones. His hands were all over Gottlieb’s body...at times in his body. It was hard to tell where he stopped and Newton started now. They were the song…both of them were blue light and sensation and the enormous throb of a single heart. Hermann was sure his brain was going to orgasm…if such a thing was possible, it was going to happen and it was going to be absolutely glorious….

 

   His laptop gave out a shrill incoming-call warning and Gottlieb’s eyes burst open. There was no slow drift from sleep. He was smashed headlong into wakefulness. The dream left him panting for breath and drenched in sweat. Hermann was horrified to find he had the worst morning wood of his entire life. He could not recall a time even during puberty where he had an erection so painful. Doing his best just to breathe Gottlieb lay a hand over his pounding heart and found his fingers touching warm skin that wasn’t his own. Newton groaned, grabbing at the material of Hermann’s pajama top. He tugged the man back down when he attempted to move. Newt was cuddled close as humanly possible, one arm slung protectively over Gottlieb’s chest, face pressed tightly into his neck. He was grinding his hips against Hermann’s good leg slightly and it was immediately apparent they had been sharing the same wet dream. By some miracle the sheet was still between them.

    Hermann blushed furiously, struggling to untangle himself. He nearly fell out of the bed, dragging himself upright and leaning heavily on his bedside table for support. He was sure that Newton had not been in the bed when he had fallen asleep.                                                                   

     “Newton!...when did you?…I told you…you need to start s-sleeping in your own bed!…”

Newton silently lifted a floppy hand to flip him off and burrowed deep into the warm blankets he had left behind. Gottlieb fumed and stammered on the many dozens of things he wanted to say at once. Since Helsinki he had grown more and more paranoid about being seen with Newton…especially in his bedroom. He had been trying to get Geiszler to sleep in his own bed again…at least SOME of the time. This had been met with…resistance.

    “We WILL talk more about this...You mark my words this discussion is not over!”

Hermann stood in the center of his freezing dorm room and debated what to do. He considered ignoring the Skype call completely and going to take the coldest shower the Shatterdome could provide…but there was a possibility the call was from Tendo or even Mako. The Rangers had stayed in Helsinki a week after the attack, trapped in observation until they had been declared well enough to come home. They had only been back in Fortress I for a few days. In all that time he had not heard  if Choi or Miss Mori had come out of the attack in one piece…he had no way to speak with them. Hermann had left his contact information and hoped for the best. He looked down and winced, his cotton pajama bottoms were not very effective at hiding a boner. Newton’s voice rose up muffled under a pillow.

      “Come back…forget it …just...get back into bed with me…”

      “<What did I say about this…they’re WATCHING us Newton…we must be more discreet!>”

Newt raised his head and frowned irritably. His eyes were only half-open, hair a tousled mess.

       “<I’m supposed to be the paranoid one…there’s no cameras or mics in here…we’ve checked like three times.>”

       “<Well...privacy issues aside Newton… I don’t appreciate being _molested_ in my own bed! I-I told you that I didn’t want… >”

       “<ARRghhhh _HERMANN_. You were the one nibbling my fucking ear in your sleep! >

Gottlieb grabbed a loose quilt from his bed and wrapped himself in it, plopping down at his cold metal desk to open his laptop.

      “<I did no such thing!>

When the Skype window opened Hermann was more than a little surprised to see the name that flashed at him. He deliberated for several minutes and whined a bit in the back of his throat before reluctantly answering the call.

    “Hello?….Vanessa?”

Her face appeared in the chat window and she gave a small gasp of relief.

   “Hermann! Thank god…thank god you’re alright…I’ve been so worried about you…”

He felt his chest constrict immediately, the pain that had been lost with the dream returning in a rush. His voice came out flat and emotionless, he didn’t know how to feel.

    “Vanessa…why are you…why are you calling me?”

There was a sudden heavy silence between them, awkward and unnatural. They had never had trouble speaking…but that had been before. Hermann hadn’t spoken to his ex-wife in months. He had not expected that to change, had not wanted it to for her sake. She spoke first, her voice edged with the threat of tears.

    “I know you wanted to cut ties but…but I saw what happened in Helsinki and I HAD to talk to you…Hermann why didn’t you at least e-mail me to tell me you had gone back to the PPDC? I know you think pushing me away is for the best but…”

She brushed curls of thick black hair away from her face, trying to put her frustration into words.

    “…I don’t even know where to start…You ignored all my letters in Munich and suddenly I see you on TV punching a reporter? PUNCHING him Hermann?”

She actually started to laugh, little bursts of laughter between teary gasps for breath. She looked too thin. There were dark shadows around her eyes and cheekbones Hermann was sure hadn’t been there before. Had the rationing gotten that bad? Hermann felt colder than ever wrapping his arms around himself. Newton was still lying inches away making the conversation all the more bizarre. He felt his face turn red avoiding her eyes.

     “I….”

     “And you’re with Newton again! I was so happy to see him there! But…his face…Is he alright?

She didn’t give him a chance to answer one question before flitting haphazardly to the next.

     “Are you really piloting a JAEGER Hermann? I just can’t believe it…”

      “Vanessa I…”

She didn’t stop, her words spilling out in a long torrent.

    “And then I didn’t know if you were alive or dead….they wouldn’t give anyone ANY details after the terrorist attack on the Rangers…I just…Hermann you are an idiot! I finally get a call through and…”

      “You should not have called…”

His voice came out low and husky. He felt a rush of the same grey depression, the same sadness. Looking at her…all he could think about was what had happened…she was a painful reminder. She was a symbol of his selfishness. He couldn’t love her the way she needed, he had done nothing but hold her back from things that could have made her happy. Worst of all…he had failed her when it mattered most.

      “Hermann…sweetheart, I’m not mad at you…I thought we agreed to stay friends…you _promised_ me…”

      “We are…but It would be for the best if you did not…interact with me anymore…

He played with the frayed edge of the quilt staring at his pale hands.

     “But…while I have you here….How are you getting on? Well I would hope…”

She watched him, beautiful face creased with worry.

      “I’m fine…I really am. The jobs are still steady despite the recession…but I’ve been thinking about you nonstop for the past week…

She tried to look past him, eyes scanning his room to get a feel for where he was. When she spoke again he could tell she was considering her words carefully.

     “You went back because of Newton didn’t you? I hope that’s why you went back…”

He cowered slightly and realized he was touching the side of his face…the way Newton would touch his own when upset.

     “I…he sent me a letter…”

She laughed and he finally met her eyes.

     “That’s the only reason?…I like your hair, you look different…but in a good way. I can’t explain it.  Why do you have a bandage on your cheek?”

Hermann felt it with a hand …he had forgotten about it.

    “I got touched by the Blue in Helsinki…”

    “Newton? Is Newton alright?”

    “As…alright as he can be…”

He took a deep breath as she laughed again. It was wonderful to hear her laugh.

    “I came back…because…”

He cast a glance at the bed and saw Newton was sitting on the side of it drowsily. He pushed his hands through his messy hair and stood with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He slid past and paused when he was in view of the laptop’s camera lens. Smiling sleepily Newt held up a hand to wave at Vanessa before slipping into the shared bathroom. At least he had gone to the trouble of hiding the unmistakable bulge in his boxers but Hermann didn’t think he could be more mortified. His ex-wife put a hand to her mouth to stifle the giggles and just looked at Hermann’s face waiting for him to say something.

    “I…err…”

   “So your Jaeger…I’m dying to hear about it about it.”

He gave an internal sigh of relief. Vanessa had not changed. She never pressured when she knew it would bother him. She never forced or even prodded…she just listened and asked questions. He remembered why he missed her so much. He tried to find a more comfortable position and told her about Occam, the twins, and whatever subject felt safe. He did not tell her about Kotick or the hive, for her protection as much as his own sanity. Finally…he told her about Mrs. Melero.

     “I knew a few pilots died in Helsinki…but its different talking to you about it…I saw a picture of her I think. They talked about her in the news because she worked with the original team…I’m so sorry Hermann…”

He rubbed at his temples and shook his head to clear it.

   “You…said you tried to call me before but you could not get through?”

    “Yeah...it was like I was being blocked…”

He looked around and back at her. They were probably letting her through on purpose…probably recording their entire conversation. He shuddered and searched for the right thing to say.

     “Vanessa…if you do not hear from me…If we do not speak for a long time after this…something may have happened to Newton and I. If that happens…it would be best if you went somewhere safe.”

She looked at him confused head tilting to the side.

     “Safe? What are you talking about…”

    “Newton and I….just if we are in trouble…go to your parents or somewhere with other people. We are very alone here but…I would feel better if I knew you were safe.”

She puzzled on this mouth drawn tight.

    “Alright Hermann….but I wish you would tell me what trouble you are expecting. You’re scaring me. You and Newt _are_ safe aren’t you?”

He looked toward the bathroom and listened to the shower running. Newton had beaten him to the cold water.

     “I’m not sure what’s going to happen to us...”

     “Stay close to Newton…I know he’ll take care of you.”

That surprised Hermann. He had never expected her to say anything like that about Geiszler. She knew about his unstable work practices and his tendency towards panic attacks.

     “Why would you…”

     “Hermann…I know you blame yourself for what happened...I’m sure that whatever happened to Newton…you blame yourself for that too. I know you too well and so does Newt. Just…stay close to your partner. I trust him.”

     “I…I do as well.”

She smiled at him in a way that spoke of forgiveness then looked off screen with a sigh.

     “I should go…but…. I’ll call again soon alright? Give Newton a kiss for me…”

     “I will do no such thing…goodbye Vanessa…”

      “Goodbye Hermann.”

He closed his laptop and stared into space thinking. He should not have encouraged her to call again…he should not have answered the call in the first place. It was somewhat of a relief he could give her some warning, even if it was vague. Gottlieb looked down and came to the painful realization he was still hard. He stood with extreme difficulty and pulled himself into the bathroom. Newton’s door was closed….good. He could take his shower of shame in peace.

 

   The twins clattered their breakfast trays so hard Hermann could feel it in his skull and he moaned sipping at a mediocre cup of tea with shaking hands. It felt like the warm beautiful dream earlier had given him a horny hangover.

     “Can you two animals endeavor to be quiet for five minutes?”

Sonia leaned in close to Hermann’s ear and spoke in a screaming whisper.

    “WHAT? YOU WANT US TO BE QUIET? OK!”

She turned to her brother as he struggled to pour milk into his plastic container of cereal with one hand. His hurt shoulder was still wrapped tight and his arm was pulled close to his chest in a sling so he wouldn’t move it.

    “HOWARD YOU GOTTA BE QUIET. YOU’RE TOO LOUD.”

Howard put his good hand to an ear shouting back.

    “EH? WHAT?”

    “I SAY YOUR BEING TO LOUD.”

    “OH! OK!”

   Hermann rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. He supposed it was good the twins were acting more like themselves this morning. Fortress had not been the same since Helsinki. Mrs. Melero had been one of the oldest active members of the Jaeger program. Everybody knew her…she had made a point of that really. She had been the kind of person it was good to know. A woman with a knack for knowing if something was wrong with you, Gottlieb had experienced that first hand. A funeral service…a memorial of sorts had been set planned for the evening. The whole Shatterdome would undoubtedly show up.

Newt set down one tray of food for the two of them to share. He wasn’t smiling and the ghost-drift felt quiet…sad. Newton had taken Nita’s death hard. He had few friends to begin with and only one who had reminded him to eat and take his medication. Hermann frowned and whispered gently to his partner trying to catch his eye.

    “Have you taken your medication today Newton?”

Newt turned his attention on a piece of toast, poking it idly with a fork. He glowered at Hermann irritably and the connection suddenly felt scratchy as steel-wool. They had never officially “made-up” after the morning’s bed quarrel.

    “Yeah…”

    “Do you plan on eating that toast? Or merely torturing it with an eating utensil?”

Newt stuck the fork in it and pulled his hand away leaving it sticking upright.

    “Not really hungry man…”

    “You must eat Newton. You are going to be ill if you do not….”

He stopped berating his partner when Nancy Archer slipped in the space across from him. She yawned wide and offered them all a sleepy half-smile.

     “Morning gang…You all here to check out the new talent?”

Sonia spoke around a mouth full of egg.

     “Talent? Wha talent?”  
     “The Academy recruits and the Fortress II pilots get here today. All our new hires I guess you could say. Harry was telling me about it. They’re sending a bunch of greenhorns and three new Jaegers. Some techs…couple new fabrication teams…probably gonna start building mach 7’s in those empty bays. I know the main reason why the academy babies are here…one of the lucky kids gets to co-pilot the Foxglove.”

Herman couldn’t keep the concern out of his voice.

    “Already?...Neta is going to be paired with a new partner so soon? Do they not…she should be given time to properly grieve I would think…”

Nancy looked at her tray her face clouded in thought.

    “Neta was the one who insisted. I don’t think she really knows how to deal with Nita’s death so she’s chucking herself back into working. The Shatterdome’s have very few teams physically able to pilot right now so I don’t think they are going to argue with her. Sendak was upset about it. I heard her get into a screaming argument with Joyce when I walked Harry to the LOCCENT deck earlier.“

The psychiatrists name set Hermann’s teeth on edge but he didn’t say anything. He hoped she was miserable, he hoped her job was giving her bleeding ulcers. Newt sculpted his pile of egg matter into a Kaiju-esque shape, speaking almost to himself.

    “We should talk to Neta...I tried to before but I can’t find her anywhere.”

Nancy shrugged and squinting at the commissary entrance.

    “We’re all just going to have to support her as best we can. And…Ivan too. Don’t spread it around but…he and Mrs. Melero were kind of….seeing each other.”

Sonia and Howard both began to choke in tandem, Sonia coughing on eggs and Howard spurting milk out his nose. They managed to find their voices at the same time.

     “What??”

Nancy rolled her eyes.

    “Did you think Nita was a nun? Even older women have needs. Grow up you two.”

The twins both raised a hand, mouths open to fire back what Hermann was sure was a filthy tirade when the first of the new pilots walked through the commissary doors. Their little group fell silent, taking the strangers in. Newton leaning his shoulder into Hermann’s slightly, he was shaking a bit. Hermann frowned at that and looked to see if anyone was watching before he reached under the table to touch his bouncing leg.

    “<Eat something…please. For me?>”

Newton let out a long breath, rubbing at his bad cheek before he picked up a piece of dry toast and nibbled at it. Hermann squeezed his knee warmly before he drew his hand back. Nancy examined the Fortress II crowd critically and a slow smile crept up her face.

     “I think you boys have a little fan.”

Hermann frowned and followed Nancy’s gaze to see what she was looking at.  

      “Fan?”

Amid the diverse group of new faces one stood out immediately. He was staring at Gottlieb and Geiszler like they were the only two people in the Ranger’s commissary. The kid looked…uncomfortably young. He had a dark complexion and was of obvious middle-eastern descent…possibly Iranian or Egyptian. His eyes were huge, much too large for his slim oval face. His hair was a bird’s nest of tangled springy tufts. If he was an equation he wouldn’t have added up, too much nose and hair and eyes…not enough anything else. Sonia summed him up fairly succinctly after a moment of careful deliberation.

    “He looks like a diseased baby owl.”

The kid kept stealing nervous glances back towards them, even as he picked up his food tray and got into the breakfast line. Newton smiled and held up his hand in a welcoming wave. The kid froze at the gesture and the pilot behind him in line rammed into his back sending him plowing into the person in front. He dropped his tray and his food in the process, getting himself and the other Rangers splattered with grease and coffee. Howard clapped slowly nodding approval.

      “Oh…yes…masterfully done. We have a young kung-fu wizard before us.”

     “Five out of five stars…I’ll give him a sixth star if he….oh yeah there we go he shoves the guy behind him again getting down to pick up the food…Mmhmm…this kid is a master of physical comedy.”

     “Get him a tray of pies. He is ready for the big leagues.”

Nancy whapped the back of the twins heads one after another.

     “Be nice. You two were green once. Mrs. Melero wouldn’t put up with any shit about a newbie.”

The twins sighed and grumpily went back to their breakfast. Newt was still looking at the kid and Hermann felt the sadness in him lift slightly. It was encouraging…anything that would help. He tried to get the new Ranger’s attention, gesturing for him to come closer. The young man’s eyes grew even bigger as he slowly made his way to their table. Newt beamed and the whole group went quiet, waiting expectantly for him to speak. The kid opened and closed his mouth a few times before he finally managed to squeak a few noises that could have been syllables.

    “a-h…a-a-a-ah….I….”

Everyone at the table looked at each other and Hermann leaned forward eyebrow raised. Newton hesitated, concern in his voice when he finally spoke up.

     “You…ok dude?”    

      “ah-ah!…aha-a-a-a…I..I……”

The kid ran for it. He turned on his heel and clutching his tray to his chest disappeared out a commissary door. The all blinked after him…baffled. Sonia took a meditative bite from a stick of breakfast jerky and chewed it slowly.

     “Well that was….interesting.”

Hermann was about to agree with her when another one of the new group approached them. A burly young man with dark blonde hair and extremely tan skin stood next to Hermann, staring at the scientists critically. When he spoke he had a drawl that probably came from somewhere in the southern United States. Hermann had only ever heard accents like his in movies.

        “Ya’ll the K-sci Rangers?”

Newton tilted his head up to look the man in the face.

        “Yep! I’m Newt Geiszler and this is dour gentleman is Hermann Gottlieb. Pleased to meet you!”

He offered out his hand but the Ranger didn’t take it. He looked from one to the other with evident disdain before speaking again.

        “Tha brain ya’ll ordered s’in your lab. That an some other bits. We brung it up dis morning.”

Newton lowered his hand slowly but kept his voice upbeat.

         “Hey man thanks! We’d been waiting for that…You come in a Jaeger? I mean I take it you’re not one of the trainees…Haha I mean it wouldn’t be bad if you were but you don’t look like…”

He trailed off, withering a bit under the man’s unpleasant pale stare. Hermann just glared back, unwilling to be intimidated.

          “…Jus wanted to tell ya bout yer damn brains…”

He looked over the twins who were bristling, daring him to say something. His gaze lingered uncomfortably on Nancy before he just nodded and turned to go join his group at a table across the room. Nancy pursed her lips and voiced what everyone was thinking.

        “Asshole.”

 

After breakfast a rumble had gone through the commissary and like flocks of birds drawn south all the Rangers migrated toward the training room. Neta Melero was holding her partner compatibility sparring matches. They had come unexpectedly…Neta apparently pushing for them the moment the Junior Rangers arrived on base. Hermann wished he could speak to Neta alone. Or at the very least with the small group of people he trusted. He, Geiszler and the twins had joined the throngs of people watching from the sidelines. Melero looked ready to fall apart. Her body language screamed fatigue. She stood stock still, wooden staff at the ready and stared down the group of academy graduates in front of her… just waiting for the first to approach.  Newt frowned and took in an upset breath. The connection fizzled with concern and outright dread as he took in the drift candidates.

     “We could leave Newton…you don’t have to watch this if it bothers you.” 

     “Nah…nah we should be here as …you know. Moral support…Hey…it’s the kid from before.”

The same young man who had sputtered at them at breakfast was hanging at the back of the crowd of waiting recruits. The minimum age to join the Jaeger academy was 18, but graduation from one of its programs could take as long as three years depending on your area of study. LOCCENT techs and mechanics generally took less time to train then rangers. They were valuable because of the effort it took to train them. Hermann wondered how old he really was…maybe he just looked younger. Newton was like that. He always seemed to look years younger than his actual age. The twins had spotted him as well and were grinning, watching him expectantly. Sonia put an arm around Newt and he gave her a weak half smile, his eyes roving again over the contenders. The people waiting were mostly men and mostly huge. They were all big muscular bruisers whose fighting styles probably depended on fists. Neta was like her mother, she was small, smart and fast. Hermann wondered if they even bothered to check if she passed basic compatibility with any of these people. This whole exercise felt like a rushed sloppy mess. Esther Sendak entered the room trailing Balor Flood behind her. His presence only served to make her look even taller by comparison. She stood next to Sergeant Joyce and he nodded to her. The trials were ready to start.

   The first man to enter underestimated Neta and paid for it. She got in three good staff strikes within a minute and received only one in return. Howard shook his head and leaned over so Newt and Hermann could hear him.

     “She’s wasting a lot of energy… she’s not even trying to keep emotions out of this.”

The sparring became more and more violent with each new opponent and Hermann could feel his knuckles standing out from the skin of his hands as he clutched his cane. By the fourth fight Neta was losing badly and the man she sparing, a buff piece of eye candy from Australia, delivered a stinging blow to the neck that sent her rolling. Uncomfortable muttering spread through the Fortress I natives that had come to support her. Several people looked to Sendak to see if she would say something but the psychiatrist only watched lips tight, eyes hard. Joyce made no move at all, hands behind his back. Hermann growled under his breath.

Neta pushed herself up off the ground panting. Her opponent made no move to help her, walking back to the recruit lineup without a word. After six sparring matches no one else moved forward. Sendak wrote something on her clipboard and scanned the room, shouting to be heard.

     “Is that everyone? Anyone else?”

There was silence for a minute then Hermann froze when Newt cleared his throat and nervously spoke up.

     “What about him…he didn’t try.”

He pointed and everyone in the room followed his finger. The kid from breakfast was suddenly thrown violently into the spotlight.  He looked around confused.

    “N…n..nn-n..no I juh-just..c-cuh-came…w..-wuh-wuh-watch!”

So he did have a stutter. Hermann winced. It was painful listening to the kid talk. Sendak looked at her notes.

    “Koosha Deghari?”

The twins had somehow snuck around the crowd and were pushing the kid forward towards Neta on the sparring mats. He looked back at them horrified, eyes somehow becoming even bigger in the process. Hermann felt pity but Newt was feeling something else…warm confidence. Geiszler pushed through the mob and slapped Koosha on the back.

     “I say we let the boy try!”

Deghari turned a bright shade of red tingeing on purple and gave a nervous laugh. He stared uncertainly at where Newt was touching him. Neta just seemed confused and more than a little pissed after losing her last few matches. She leaned heavily on her staff and shouted irritably.

     “Well? Are you or aren’t you?”

     “Oh! Err..I Y-yuh-yuh…yes?”

Howard thrust a staff into his hands and Sonia shoved him forward. Hermann watched all of this with a kind of awe. Newt seemed to have planned this from the moment he saw the kid in the room. Sendak raised an eyebrow and consulted her clipboard again.

     “Mr. Deghari…you did qualify in trials and you signed up on the sheet. Did you change your mind at the last minute? Are you sure you want to try out?”

Deghari examined at his feet and finally nodded his head.

      “W-want to..tuh-try.”

 He pulled off his Ranger’s jacket and yanked off his boots, moving gracefully into a fighting stance. He held his staff out towards Neta and gave her a polite bow. She rolled her eyes. Hermann whispered anxiously to Newt when the man came back to stand beside him.

     “Why did you…”

    “Dude…I’m a genius you gotta trust me.”

Neta didn’t waste any time. The minute Joyce gave the signal to begin she lunged at Koosha thinking he was going to be easy to take down. She aimed for his stomach but he dodged easily,bringing his staff down in a very light tap on her back. He paused when she staggered forward, panting and leaning her hands on her knees in an attempt to get her breath back.

     “M-m..m..miss you…you o-o-ooo-…”  
He dodged a blow that nearly clipped the end of his nose and finished his thought.”

     “…O-Ok?”

The younger ranger tapped her gently on the back of the head and jumped up out of reach when she swung the pole low to take him off his feet. Sonia whistled softly near Hermann’s ear.

    “Nimble little son of a gun isn’t he?”

Koosha circled around her giving her space to calm down. He was patient…much more patient then any of the others had been. At some point Neta had started to cry, tears running down her face soundlessly. She pivoted, maneuvering herself skillfully behind him and swung outward to hit him hard in the back. He spun rapidly and blocked her in a way that almost predicted her move. Instead of tapping her a third time he put a hand on her staff and forced her to lower it.

     ”…I…F-Fuh-Fuh-forfeit. She..cuh-cuh...can’t C-c-continue.”

She glared at him eyes puffy and took a deep breath teeth clenched.

     “Yes I can. Let go!...”

The room was completely silent. It was possible to hear a pin drop on the tatami mats. Hermann held his breath and glanced at Newton. His partner watched intently, brow furrowed. He wore a similar expression when he was waiting for the outcome of some experiment, some theory that he was very close to proving true. Koosha took the staff away from her and laid his own weapon on the ground...the academy gesture of defeat. She pulled back and slapped him hard across the face. He winced and froze but did nothing to retaliate. He only bowed his head again politely and turned to walk back to the line of recruits. It was silent for a good minute more before Joyce spoke.

    “Neta you stay. Everyone else leave …I’d like to thank all the graduates for participating today.”

   Slowly everyone headed for the door. Hermann allowed Newt to help him walk in the crowd, his hand perched on his partners shoulder. He looked back to see Sendak speaking gently to Neta offering her a scrap of cloth to dry her eyes. She didn’t take it…she just leaned down to pick her staff back up and avoided eye contact. His fingers squeezed Newton’s shoulder absently. That kind of loss…he never wanted to experience that. He tried to imagine the warm hum of Geiszler’s blood under his fingers being gone…out of his reach forever. Newt looked up at him reassuringly and patted his hand before his attention was tugged away by a commotion down the hall. The twins, who had started by casually following Deghari, were now outright chasing him through the corridor.

     “Come back kid! We only want to talk!”

    “Have a bit of idle chit-chat!”

     “Cup of tea and friendly conversation!”

They picked him up, swooping to lift him a twin per arm. Hermann let go of Newt and stomped irately towards the fray.

     “You two delinquents leave him be! Set him down before I have my way with you!”

He held up his cane and the twins feigned terror. Shaking theatrically and grabbing each other.

     “Sorry doc! Please don’t hurt us!”

      “Or kill us!”

      “Or lecture us! You can kill us first!”

Newton caught up with them and beamed at Deghari.

      “You did great in the ring. Just like I knew you would.”

 He held up his hand for the young man to shake and Koosha shook it so hard Newt’s glasses fell down his nose. The young man let go and pulled his backpack from his shoulder, rooting around in it until he found two books. One was newer and the other older but both clearly loved from the state of their dog-eared pages. Fumbling around for a pen he held the older book out to Newt and the newer one to Hermann watching them rapturously. Gottlieb examined the cover eyebrow raised. It was a first edition copy of his book _Breach Theory: an Exercise in Predictive Models_. He leaned over and saw that Newton was holding _Biology of the Beast: Monsters at a Cellular Level._ It was a book he had written sometime during the Tokyo years about cell regeneration and early Kaiju biology….what little he had discovered of it at the time. Koosha held out the pen and mimed signing the books eagerly pointing to the scientists.

       “Err...why certainly…we would love to sign them.”

       “Dude…they only published like a thousand of these…I didn’t think anybody actually read it aside from other scientists…”

The young man bounced on his toes and grinned as Hermann wrote out his crisp neat signature on the inside cover. Newt stole the pen from him and took the time to draw a little Knifehead in his book. He leaned forward and looked at Koosha’s Ranger tags to see how he spelled his name.

      “Hah…you spell it like Kooshball…can I call you Koosh for short?”

Deghari nodded until it looked like his head was about to snap clean off his neck.

     “Honestly Newton. Here Mr. Deghari…I am pleased you enjoyed my book.”

The young man took the books and hugged them to his chest, giving each of the scientists another quick bow of thanks.

      “Hey man you’re a Ranger…anytime you wanna like…visit us in the lab your welcome to….”

Koosh gazed at him starstruck and just nodded again finally managing to choke out a few stammered words.

       “Thu-thank…y-you…”

 Still clutching his books close Ranger Deghari ran off down the hall like a shy little boy. There was not a trace of competent fighter he had been in the ring moments before. Sonia watched him go  putting an arm around Newt and Hermann while Howard tsked shaking his head.

      “There he goes. The bright future of the PPDC.”

 

     Kotick’s brain floated in a tank the size of a studio apartment. Hermann found himself drawn towards it hand outstretched. He couldn’t help but lay his cheek to the cool glass, pressing an open palm up to one of the writhing tendrils of brainstem. He was surprised how happy he was to see a chunk of tissue. He whispered softly feeling his partner moving somewhere behind him.

     “It’s good he is here…even if it is just a part of him.”

     “It’s amazing how well preserved he is…as much as I hate to admit it…those Fortress II bastards did a pretty good job.”

   Hermann staggered a bit. He hadn’t even realized he was losing his balance until Geiszler caught him, pushing him upright and making sure he had found his feet before he let go.

     “Take it easy buddy…how about you sit…”

Hermann nodded and limped over to grab his desk chair wheeling it over to be close to the brain. He leaned on the tank eyes half-closed.

     “I…had not….realized how tired I am…I’m the old man you always said I was Newton.”

     “Or you’ve been sleeping three hours a night and you don’t let me help you like you should.”

Gottlieb didn’t want to respond to that because he knew it was true. His brain was fogged up…cloudy with different thoughts that would surface and tease then dance back to the dark corners of his mind. He had not been able to sleep well since Helsinki. Newt hummed and noisily went back to work on their drift unit. It was nearly done. Hermann leaned down picking a Pon cap up off the ground and turned it over in thin fingers. He shivered and Newt wordlessly pushed a space heater closer, handing Hermann his parka.

      “That boy…you made him spar with Neta…”

      “He’ll be her partner. You’ll see.”

      “Why do you say that? How did you know he wouldn’t be just like the others…”

Hermann had to admit something to himself. He was always looking in…focusing on some problem that turned his attention inward. He didn’t really see or understand people like he should have. They were distractions. Newton was the opposite. He was observant and aware…he saw people and he took them all in with intelligent eyes. Figuring them out in ways Gottlieb knew he never could.

       “She doesn’t need someone rough to come in and throw their weight around. She needs a friend…somebody quiet and smart…sensitive…you know. A nerd.”

       “And you were so sure he was a nerd? ”

Newt adjusted some wires deep in the core of their drift unit and the whole thing flashed into life for a good minute before sputtering out again.

     “When I first saw him…he reminded me of my students back at MIT. Also…he had Star Trek insignia patch on his PPDC jacket. You can _always_ trust a trekkie Herm.”

Hermann smiled a bit at that pulling his parka closer around his shoulders.

       “Naturally…I just don’t understand how he came to be in the program…with his disability so apparent…”

Newton threw a bit of scrap metal to the side and shone his flashlight onto an internal circuit board his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth.

        “Doesn’t seem like such a big handicap. Talking isn’t important when you drift.”

        “Yes…I suppose that’s true.”

A quiet hum emanated from Kotick’s brain… vibrating through Hermann’s body. It was soothing. It felt like …he flushed a bit at the memory…the dream. There was an unhappy flash in the connection the moment Hermann had this thought. He closed his eyes and hoped Newt wouldn’t say anything…but it was too late.

     “Hermann…are you angry with me. Like….about this morning?”

    “ I…no. I’m not angry…”

     “So can we maybe…talk about the….STUFF in the dream?”

     “I would rather not Newton. The idea of…being…physical…isn’t possible at the moment.”

Newt rolled his eyes and flopped down on the ground staring up at the icy ceiling high above him.

      “This is about Dietrich and your dad again isn’t it?…look they already know about us…”

      “Then they will know we have not done anything. They can’t know about what we haven’t done”

Newt answered cautiously. Like he was sure Hermann would run if he wasn’t careful.

       “But I _want_ to do things with you. Like...that dream this morning…I’ve been horny all fucking day because of it. I know you have been too. Can’t we at least talk about it a _little_?”

      “NO.”

Newt gave a frustrated groan and scrubbed his hands over his face.

     “I know your scared…that’s why I want to be nice and slow about it. I could just show you…I just...you don't have to be so fucking ashamed of me!”

    “That’s quite enough!!”

His voice echoed high bouncing off the ceiling and the tanks of Kaiju innards, shaking some icicles hanging from Gogmagog’s foot. Hermann felt like his skin was so hot it was melting.

    “I'm NOT ashamed of you. I just don’t want to talk about this…I don’t want to discuss the dream or…or my brother…or… _sex_.”

Newt glared at him from the floor nostrils flaring but he didn’t say anything. They were both aggravated and the connection burned hot with it. Hermann realized he was scared. He no longer felt safe here…he felt trapped...like the PPDC was watching his every move. His brother and father monitoring and recording ever time he touched Newt’s shoulder or pulled away before the man could attempt to kiss him. The meeting in O-yama’s had been haunting him and he strove to remember every word the Major had said…the threats...what he could do to everyone. He understood that Newt’s anger was frustration...frustration of every kind a man could feel…not the least of it sexual. He didn’t want to admit to himself that he was feeling the same damn thing.

For the next half-hour Newton worked in grumpy silence, pounding angrily at their drift computer. Hermann stared at the Kaiju brain lost in own thoughts. He finally grabbed his cane and stood, pushing away from Kotick’s tank.

      “Come along Newton…Mrs. Melero’s service starts soon. You will still escort me I hope?”

Newt brushed himself off wiping a smudge of oil from his Ranger jacket. He gave a resigned sigh and nodded. 

       “Yeah…let’s go.”

 

 

   The Memorial took place in front of the Foxglove Jupiter, the Melero’s Jaeger. It was a deep indigo color and reminded Herman of a classic car in its shape. If an ancient gas-guzzling Chevrolet automobile had been reincarnated as a fighting mech it could easily have been the Jupiter. It’s face was snubbed, the eye-shield wide and rounded on either end. Unlike most Jaeger’s the Foxglove had a thick metal mesh running down the sides of its arms and legs instead of plated steel. From a design point of view it was meant to make the Foxglove lighter without taking away from its durability…from a visual standpoint it let light filter through the mesh and it created pools of dappled radiance on the hanger floor. They reminded Gottlieb of sun shining through the leaves of a tree. He stood in the spotted light, Newt pushed close to him by the crowd. The Foxglove’s feet were scattered with offerings. Flowers were impossible to come by in Fortress but here and there he could see a plastic rose …a few fake daisies. There were photos and folded notes, candy and bottles of contraband booze.

Several people climbed carefully to the top of the Foxgloves left foot and used a makeshift com-system as a microphone. They gave small speeches remembering the lost Ranger. The only one of them Hermann knew personally was Balor Flood. He gave a small stilted talk about duty that he didn’t really seem to feel. Finally Neta stood atop her Jaeger’s foot and looked out across the mourners. The talk went silent…shuffling feet stood still.

    “You all thought you knew mom….”

There was a soft collective intake of breath and Newton gripped Hermann’s hand tightly. He squeezed it back, the fight forgotten.

     “But she used to tell me something…something that dad liked to say. She told me…Neta nobody knows me but the drift, and the drift never tells. I suppose that’s true. I knew her because I drifted with her….because she was my mom and I loved her. But nobody will know her as well as the drift….because I…I think the drift is nothing but you…your soul…all of you. She was a warrior…and I wish she would have died in a Jaeger. I wish she would have died fighting for something that needed to be fought for…I wish she and dad had gone together…before she saw all ….all this.”

She paused and Hermann could feel Newt’s heart pounding in his own chest. In the back of his mind he could feel his overwhelming sadness...all the emotion barely contained by his small body. It seemed to make him shake in an effort to escape.

    “I don’t know how I could…wish for all that and…still wish that I could have had her forever. I never thought about losing her…you...you never think about losing people until they’re gone. And that’s the way it should be. You have to love them while they’re around…mourn them…then let them go.”

She had been doing a good job holding back tears and she bit her lip screwing her eyes shut trying to regain her composure.

       “She would have hated all this. She hated when people she loved were sad. So let’s not be anymore. After this…I’m going to do my damndest not to cry anymore….and you shouldn’t either. Life's too short...so let’s break open all that alcohol you brought and have a party…FOR MOM.”

The crowd all shouted back at her. All the mechanics and techs and Rangers…all the people Mrs. Melero had touched in some way raised their arms and voices until the Hanger ceiling reverberated with the noise.

       “FOR NITA!”

Hermann smiled at the crowd as they pushed forward respectfully to the memorial, picking up the alcohol to share. He turned but Newt held him back. Somewhere music was starting and he realized it wasn’t recorded. Some of the staff that played musical instruments had pulled together into an impromptu band. There was an acoustic guitar, a violin and a one of the new recruits banging away on a little electric keyboard set to sound like a piano.

       “Come on Herm…lets stay a minute…just a minute. I know you don’t like crowds but…”

He looked down into Newton’s eyes and nodded, allowing himself to be pulled towards the Foxglove. Standing during the speeches had left him sore…but Newton already knew and found him a place to sit on a metal utility box out of the way of the hustle.

     “Just…cool your jets there a minute buddy…I’ll go get you a drink ok?”

 Gottlieb nodded and listened to the music tapping his cane in time with it. People started to dance…the lull of conversation turned warm. Balor sat next to Hermann on the box and folded his arms acknowledging him with a grunt.

    “Reminds me of a god ole fashioned wake. Like we used ta have…”

    “I have… never been to a wake sir.”

    “eh’s a big party tha you use to honor a person…everybody drinks an shares memories…sa good way ta go.”

Hermann considered this taking a deep breath that he let out slowly through his nose.

     “I…rather like the idea. I think I would enjoy people celebrating my life…rather than dwelling on my death…”

     “Aye…an drinking. Can’t ave a good wake without tha drinking.”

Balor took a drag from his flask and shoved it into Hermann’s free hand. Gottlieb looked at it turning it over in his fingers. Examining the stag-headed Jaeger and the Gaelic lettering. He took a small polite sip and handed it back.

     “What does the writing mean? If I might ask…”

Balor looked at the flask and grinned reading the words etched into the silver.

     “ _An comhrac go dtí go bhfuil an ceann deireanach marbh...._ Fight until the last is dead.”

     “The last?... The last what? Jaeger or Kaiju?

Floor just laughed until he started to cough, hacking and gasping for breath.

      “Exactly.”

The alcohol sat heavily in Hermann’s stomach, burning deep into his gut...swirling around his intestines. The little slogan made him feel ill. Jaeger or Kaiju...Mrs. Melero or Kotick. He had lost both of them and had grieved for both of them. Now he was stuck here between two worlds...until the last is dead. Newt spoke close by breaking him out of his thoughts. He looked up startled as a Styrofoam cup was thrust into his hand. It smelled like beer watered down until it was barely piss, it would probably taste no better.

      “I said here...I didn’t get us any of the heavy stuff.”

Newton eyed Balor nervously giving him a wide berth but the little man just smiled and got up to let Newt sit down next to Hermann, trundling off towards a crowd of techs he seemed to know.

     “You two sparkly fairies ave a good night...”

Newt looked between Hermann and Balor confused.

     “You actually...spoke with him?”

Hermann shrugged and took a sip of his beer. Just as he thought...terrible.

     “He stopped to ask for directions. He had forgotten if Hell was located up or down.”

That put Newton somewhat at ease and he sipped his beer as well, making a face at the taste.

      “Ugh...well...bottoms up.”

He threw back his head and drained his cup. Hermann followed his example and smacked his lips, squinting up his eyes at the unpleasant aftertaste. Newt belched and Gottlieb raised an eyebrow at him but couldn’t stop the fond smile that lit his face. His partner gazed up at the Foxglove wistfully.

     “They haunt the drift...the rangers who die. They haunt it like ghosts. Its the only afterlife I’m sure exists, living on as a memory fragment in a giant computer.”

     “There are worse monuments.”

     “....our drift computer is almost ready....are we sure...are we sure that drifting with Kotick is...the right thing to do? I mean...we could blow our brains out for real this time Herm and why are we doing it? You said yourself it was a bad idea to help Barlowe…”

Hermann watched the people dancing and listened to the music eyes closed. Neta had been right, life was too fleeting by far...and Geiszler had been right…about many things.

      “We should at least find out whats in that damn fissure....find out if you were right about them being cleaners left here to wipe us all out. They accept you and me but...are they going to hurt other people? We may not owe anything to Barlowe or the PPDC but we owe enough to the people around us...we still have a job to do.”

Newt swirled the watery remains of his beer around the bottom of his cup wearily.

     “I hate it when you're right.”

Hermann put an arm around Newton’s shoulders.

     “<I meant what I said before. I’m not ashamed of you...you are the better half of us. I’m the one who is fearful and ignorant.>"

     “<Yeah? Go on i’m listening.>”

     “<The dream this morning was.....good... _very_ good.>”

      “<Yep.>”

       “<I...>”

He blushed red and the connection blushed with him. He searched for the right thing to say, looking for inspiration in his empty cup.

      “<I...wouldn’t mind doing those things...with you...>”

      “<....Hermann you are confusing as hell and you are sending me the most mixed-up signals. But I stand by what I said...if you wanna go slow...we’ll be snails. If you wanna be celibate... I’ll join a fucking monkhood. Just don’t refuse to do shit because you’re scared of your family. Thats what I won’t tolerate.>”

      “<How would you feel about no sheet tonight...>”

Newt leaned his head on Hermann's shoulder and watched Neta raise her Styrofoam cup in a toast to Rangers gone and Rangers that would die in the future. Koosha Deghari smiled at her from the edge of the crowd, his back rested on the leg of the Jaeger they would pilot together. Despite it hiccups the day had left Hermann feeling more hopeful then he had in awhile. The warmth from the dream had not disappeared entirely.

       “<Its a long way from a hand-job but its a good fucking start Herm...>”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a softer recovery chapter after the trauma of the last two. Plus I finally get to introduce Koosh.


	14. Drift Ghosts

   The sudden feeling of intense panic might have surprised Hermann but the starburst of pain in his left eye terrified him. He stood up so quickly from his lab chair it went over backwards wheels still spinning. His leg complained from the sudden movement but he ignored it fumbling about for his cane. A heavy pressure closed on his throat and more pain erupted down his jaw.

     “Newton??”

He stopped and doubled over hands to his ears as the hivemind erupted angrily. They sounded like the buzzing cicadas he recalled so vividly from summers in Japan.

     “Oh...no no no…”

They had been recalibrating the drift computer so it could understand Kaiju brain waves. Newt proposed part of the reason they had suffered eye damage and the still present nosebleeds was because the computer was trying to read the Kaiju brainwaves as human and translating them as such. Hermann needed to recode the entire system. It was a sticky painstaking process but if it made things easier on them it was well worth the effort. He had been programming for an hour...perhaps more? It was hard to keep track of time in the middle of such delicate detail work. Newton had said something about getting a late lunch. Hermann had a fuzzy recollection of the man asking him what he wanted from the commissary. How long ago had that been? Gottlieb tried to swallow his panic. He staggered as quickly as he could toward the S-lab door.

The voices of the hivemind roared their thoughts…angry noises that barely translated into anything Hermann could understand. He tried to calm them down but found it impossible to send comforting thoughts past his own dull fear.

   Shoving his way past crowds of mechanics Hermann anxiously punched the elevator call button. He cursed himself and his lame leg…there was no way he could manage the hundreds of stairs up…why did this thing have to be so abominably slow! Gottlieb wasn’t even sure Newton was anywhere near the rangers barracks…it was just a hunch. All he knew for certain was that his partner had gone for food…yes, that he was sure of. The workers watched him warily from a safe distance. Giving him space as he punched the button again and again, breath coming in ragged puffs.

When the elevator finally ascended the pain in Hermann’s jaw throbbed and his nose started to gush hot blood onto his sweater. He barely paid attention to it, eyes glazing over as the Kaiju grumbled at the back of his skull. So far he heard no threats of them swimming for the Shatterdome…but he had to calm this down before things escalated any further. After an eternity the elevator doors opened to floor 217. Hermann rushed into the hall, nearly bowling over the tiny Japanese sisters that piloted the Strife Chimera. They looked at each other when he called over his shoulder breathlessly.

     “My apologies ladies! Emergency!“

Turning the corner so sharply he just about toppled over Hermann peered into the ranger’s commissary and saw no trace of his partner. He stood fighting for breath. Scarlet pain throbbed up his leg and ground into his hip joint. Turning swiftly, Hermann moved towards he and Newton’s rooms, unsure where else to look.   

      “Hermann!”

Gottlieb froze. Twisting his head he spotted Esther Sendak down a small side hall that lead to more dormitory rooms and empty storage. She waved at him, beckoning him over. Honey Parker was leaning shakily against the wall next to the psychiatrist, her face pale and upset. Gottlieb hesitated...Newton wasn’t with them. He didn’t really have the time.

     “Hermann can I talk to you please? I know you must be looking for Newton. He’s alright. He just had a bit of an… altercation with one of the new pilots.”

The tone of Sendak’s voice and Honey’s face stopped Hermann in his tracks. He clutched the top of his cane…the hive was calming down and the pain ebbing somewhat. Wherever he was Geiszler wasn’t dying, just distraught. He hobbled over and Honey smiled up at him wiping at her eyes.

      “You got a real swell guy Doc…”

      “Err…thank you Miss Parker…”

Sendak guided the sniffling Ranger towards the end of the hall.

     “Honey…you better go and find Nancy before she busts in here like Dr. Gottlieb just did. Go find her and tell her you’re alright. Then lie down for awhile. We can talk more about what happened at tomorrow’s session ok?”

Honey Parker snuffled loudly and nodded, her neon blonde hair swishing softly around her wane face. She may have been a bit of an airhead but Hermann did not like seeing her upset…he did not like it one bit. She took him by surprise when she leaned up to give him a small peck on the cheek.

      “Give that to the lil doc for me ok? He was real nice to me and he didn’t even have ta be...”

She sauntered off but didn’t have the usual perk in her step. Sendak touched Hermann’s shoulder and he pulled away from her angrily his mouth curling in a sneer.

    “I have no wish to speak to you…I only speak to you now for the sake of information Dr. Sendak.”

She stared at him startled, pulling her hand back to her chest.

     “Dr. Gottlieb…I’m sorry if I’ve done something to make you upset with me. “

He snorted and turned away from her fuming. What Tendo had said in Helsinki kept flashing through his head … _you have a shrink following you all the time?_

     “Yes well forgive me for not trusting a PPDC crony.”

Sendak was silent for a full minute her eyes turning glassy. She looked…hurt.

     “Dr. Gottlieb I would _never_ betray your trust…”

    “Oh no? I’m sure you must be feeding all sorts of information about Newton and I to the higher up’s…with all the recordings you make of our sessions.”

Sendak’s lower lip quivered slightly and she took a deep breath through her nose to regain her composure.  Her psychiatrist demeanor dropped away, when she spoke her voice came out quavery and very human.

   “Joyce hasn’t asked for the records of your sessions and if he did I wouldn’t give them…they are sealed files. I promise your Dr. Gottlieb…your records are confidential…I only speak about you with your partner on occasion…and never on issues you wouldn’t want us to discuss…have I…have I done something wrong?”

Hermann paused, startled by the question.

    “No…not directly Dr. Sendak but…”

    “Please…I swear to you. Everything I do for the Rangers I do because I want to help them…it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I like you and Newton…I think of you as a friend as much as a patient…and Dr. Geiszler.”

Sendak started to laugh shaking her head. She took a shaky breath but managed to remain stoic. The psychiatrist looked at him pleadingly with hazel flecked eyes.

    “…I don’t know what happened but…please...I _promise_ you can trust me.”

Hermann watched her and wondered for the first time if some of the paranoia in him had been placed there on purpose. They didn’t want him to trust anyone…they wanted him to be afraid. He set his jaw angrily grinding his back teeth, still unsure of the doctor. He didn’t have the full capacity to reflect on this at the moment. He needed to find Newton.

      “I…I apologize doctor. I have no reason to distrust you…not directly. It’s your superiors who I should be suspicious of…not you.”

She noticed his legs shaking and didn’t question him further, taking his arm and leading him back to sit at a table in the empty commissary.

     “Now Dr. Sendak will you please tell me what happened? Why was Miss Parker so upset? Newton was…”

     “One of the new pilots…His real name is Micajah Harpe but he insists everyone call him by his nickname Catfish…he. Well…where do I even begin? This is in confidence but before Honey was a pilot she appeared in adult entertainment...you know erotic f-...”

Hermann cleared his throat.

    “Err...yes. Nancy has informed me of her partner’s past. She was very…honest about it.”

    “Yes Honey and Nancy are both incredibly candid about most things. But Harpe…he…Harpe _recognized_ Honey.”

    “I’m sorry…recognized?”

    “He was apparently a …. _fan_ of her films. He recognized her and confronted her about it in the hall. Harpe upset her and Newton overheard the harassment on the way to the cafeteria.”

Hermann gave a weary sigh.    

     “And he intervened…”

     “You could call what he did intervening…It seems that he stepped in front of Honey and told Catfish to back off. It was a noble thing and I’m glad he did it. But…needless to say there was a scuffle and Catfish is …significantly larger then Newton.”

Hermann made an attempt to stand up from the table flustered and livid.

     “Where is he now? Which way did Newton go? I need to find him…And I plan to report Crawdad or Crayfish…whatever this person’s name is.”

Sendak gave a little half-smile and pressed him back down, her hand on his cane.

    “I sent him to the infirmary but I’m not sure if he went…if I were to guess I would say he probably went somewhere he feels safe. Your lab most likely…but now that I have you here I wanted to warn you about something. Just…listen to me for one more minute…”

She reached down and put a hand on Hermann’s good leg. He hadn’t even realized he had been jiggling it up and down. She paused then spoke in German.

     “<I just got a memo from the main office. You two are being deployed next week.>”

He froze and stared at her eyes wide unsure how to process this information.

     “<D-deployed?>”

She looked around the commissary and leaned closer.

    “<Out of our original ten Jaeger there are only three active units left in Fortress I. The Siren Carpathia, Fang Majestic and Frost Potemkin all have injured crews. The Foxglove Jupiter officially has only half a team and the Rebel Samson is now a Fortress II Jaeger. The Waltz Inferno and the Risky Dynamo are both mechanically unable to run. They’re being refitted for combat. Right now all we have is the Seawise Giant, Occam’s razor and the Strife Chimera.>”

Hermann shook his head shell-shocked.

     “<Occam isn’t combat ready is he?…What about the new units from Fortress II?>”

     “<I…I guess he has more tactical advantage then the Inferno or the Dynamo…As far as the new units that’s who you are going to be deployed with. Only two of their three are active…the Jazz Hellion and Harpe’s Jaeger…the Squall Damascus.>”

     “<Where? Where are we going?>”

    “<Somewhere in the United States, possibly along the border where the disputes are escalating…It’s exacerbating the food and natural gas shortages…>”

Gottlieb ran his fingers through his hair and rested a hand on the back of his neck, mind racing.

     “<We were …never supposed to be soldiers…Newton and I…as far from it as we could be…>”

Sendak put a steady hand on his back.

    “<No…Helsinki just made a huge mess of things.>”

    “<We’re scientists…we’re supposed to be working on the Kaiju…and what about my…>”

He held his hand over his chest gesturing towards his heart.

    “<The med-staff cleared you to pilot as long as you take your meds…Newt too.>”

He stammered and she waited patiently for him to get his thought out. He gave up and shut his mouth tightly. Gottlieb started to shake, it felt as if one of Newts panic attacks was creeping through him. Esther exhaled slowly, her voice a low whisper.

     “<There are things that are more of  a priority then Kaiju right now…You two aren’t experienced in warfare but your compatibility is amazing. They won’t be able find another team like you so easily ....Your kind of bond takes years to develop. I watched you drive Occam...your coordination without any sort of practice was...>”

     “<We’re a fluke! We were only supposed to research Kaiju with Occam. Not this…not like this…How…how long will we be gone?>”

    “<I don’t know.>”

    “<W-what will we do? Will we have to fight?>”

    “<I don’t know Hermann...But I sincerely doubt it. You may be nothing more than an intimidation tool.>”

Hermann felt lightheaded, his lungs seized shut as the fear rose up into his throat. He tried his best to swallow it down. He couldn’t do this…It would upset Newton more then he already was. Pushing himself up he smiled unconvincingly at Sendak.

    “<Thank you…for the warning Dr. Sendak.>”

    “No thanks necessary…Just…don’t miss your next session alright? We’ve missed a few…need to catch up. And tell Newt thank you again…”

She bowed her head and spoke more to herself than to Hermann.

     “It takes a lot of guts for a shrimp to stand up to a Catfish.”

   

   The lab was dreadfully still. Hermann looked from one corner of the long dim room to the other, scanning the bubbling specimen jars and chugging space heaters. He knew deep inside that Newton was here somewhere...the feeling tickled the back of his mind. There was a certainty…he felt sure that he was physically close to his partner.

     “Newton?...are you here? Please say something if you are.”  
For several long minutes there was only the faint sound of ice crackling and the drip of water on metal from the leaky sink near the storage closet. Then…faintly Hermann could hear a voice somewhere above him. The sound echoed so badly it was hard to pinpoint its source.

      “…Ain’t nobody here but us chickens.”

Hermann frowned, quickly losing patience.

      “This isn’t humorous Geiszler. I don’t see you…Where are you hiding?”

There was a pause then the faint scratchy voice floated out again, cracking from strain.

       “Up dude…”

Hermann turned and glanced up. Gogmagog’s Head loomed above him, his gargantuan mouth slightly open. Gottlieb stopped…no….he wouldn’t.

      “Geiszler are…are you in the Kaiju’s mouth?”

      “…And Bingo was his name-O.”

Gottlieb paced nervously cane stumping the ground as he examined the monstrous jaws, trying to see where Newton had climbed in. He made a fretful noise in the back of his throat and finally spotted the stepladder hidden in an icy crevice near one of Gogmagog’s blue-tinged nostrils. Setting his mouth determinedly he climbed the four steps and peered through a large gap between two of the Kaiju’s jutting upper teeth. The monster lay on his back so when Hermann looked in he was actually looking at the roof of his mouth. The lower jaw hung above him like a guillotine with multiple blades.

 Hermann swallowed nervously taking in the inside of Gogmagog’s mouth.  The first thing he noticed was the strange nest Newton had constructed. The man had put down a large plastic Hangar tarp and covered it with layers of old blankets. The whole mess pressed up against the Kaiju’s dry gum-line and was surrounded by a clutter of comic books and empty food containers. Newton himself lay curled inside a thick down sleeping bag staring at Hermann through a swollen mask of bruises and dried blood.

     “How… long has this been here?”

     “….Since I removed the last bits of the tongue…when the panic attacks started to get _really_ bad...sometime after Krueger died maybe? I do better in enclosed spaces when I’m having a freak-out....”

    “So… you decided to create some sort of hideaway inside a Kaiju’s mouth?”

Newton shrugged his shoulders in the sleeping bag. His voice was frail and tired.

     “It feels safe…nobody would ever come in here but me.”

Hermann considered this.

     “I can’t argue with that….”

He looked for the best way to get inside and hefted himself up, squeezing between two sharp cutting molars, nearly tearing his coat in the process.

     “And you are completely sure it is safe and….sanitary?”

     “Yeah…most of the flesh is gone in the mouth…it’s just bone…and I neutralized everything just to play it safe….are you gonna get under the covers with me?”

He sounded so hopeful it nearly broke Hermann and he just sighed resignedly taking off his shoes. Setting them next to Newt’s a few feet from the makeshift bed, he paused to reach up and touch the bone above him. Somehow it was colder inside the Kaiju then out. Shivering, He struggled into the sleeping bag. Newt wiggled to make room for him, shifting around until they managed a snug fit.

 Hermann’s breath rose up in a smoky cloud and he pushed arms around Geiszler’s body, curling close. He blushed slightly but didn’t dwell on the intimate way they were touching. It was something he was slowly getting used to. Gottlieb turned his attention to Newton’s injuries. The man’s bad eyebrow was shredded, cheek and jaw swelling. The ranger who attacked him had clearly been wearing a ring. He could see where it had cut deep into Newt’s skin. Hot anger bubbled in his stomach and he squeezed Newton furiously.

     “He should be expelled from the Rangers…This…fish…crab…whatever his name is.”

     “Its way worse then it looks Herm…not a big deal. Besides…I managed to get in a couple kicks he won’t forget. All that self defense Balor made us sit through actually paid off.”

Despite his seemingly casual attitude on the whole ordeal Hermann could feel Newton’s heart galloping unsteadily inside his ribs. The force of it made his whole body tremble.

     “Calm down…are you going to have a panic attack? ”

Newt didn’t answer him. He lay very still staring ahead, suddenly very interested in the threads of Hermann’s sweater.

    “You know Herm…Bodies are beautiful and disgusting. Human bodies… you don’t think about what goes on in your own. But I think about what goes on in yours all the time. I look at you and I think how odd it is that you are nothing but bones covered with muscle and skin and hair…and yet your hair and skin and insides are so much more interesting than other peoples. The way you smell and how you breathe…your eyelashes…blood and spit…why are these things different in you then they are in a stranger Hermann? How does that relate back to biology? Are you really different or is it my brain just telling me you are different? ”

Gottlieb waited patiently, letting Newton chatter. If he needed to talk he could talk…even if what he was saying made little sense.

    “You deal with bodies Newton…I’m less interested in the corporeal.”

    “Yeah but…I was just thinking about it…drifting and compatibility and brains. How much of us loving each other is meat and how much is math?…It…Its like how you aren’t aware of your tongue unless you think about it right?”

      “I…I don’t spend my time thinking about my tongue I’m afraid….”

       “Dude…you need a better imagination. I’m just trying to say…people are all made of the same stuff…the same atoms the same bits and pieces. If I broke them all down to the core there is nothing different about them…Yet my little molecules can drift with your little molecules…why is that? Because of experience? Personality?”

       “Math is straightforward, human beings are impossible. I wish I could give you a better answer then that Newt.”

Mercifully, Newton stopped rambling. The trembling in his limbs eased, his eyelids fluttering shut.

    “Newton…I need to talk to you…”

    “I’m listening Herm…”

  “We are going to be deployed…Sendak informed me they are going to send us out in Occam next week….what should we do…”

Hermann tightened his grip on the back of Newton’s head twisting long fingers tighter in his hair. Newt’s voice was surprisingly calm when he finally answered.

   “….I guess we have to go.”

   “I…”

   “We can’t exactly run…where would we go? How can we leave Neta and the others…I don’t like admitting it but we’re PPDC property man.”

  “Yes…you are right of course.”

Hermann stared up at the jaw hanging above his head, at the sharp serrated edges of Gogmagog’s bottom teeth.

   “We could die.”

Newton nodded into his chest a shiver running through him.

   “You’re the mathematician but I’ll go out on a limb and say the odds are good.”

  “Newton…We should do the drift soon as possible or we may never be able to do it at all.”

  “Did you finish recoding the neural input program?”

Hermann nodded and closed his eyes. In the back of his mind he could feel pain…fear…worry, little stabs of barbed emotion. The hive was tense but quiet.

    “Almost. Tonight…I’ll be done tonight.”

     “If the programming works like I hope it will…We’ll have more control than we’ve ever had before…And we can focus on just Kotick. We won’t be overwhelmed by the entire hive...careful dude…that really stings.

He held still as Hermann wiped the dried blood from his face drawing a hissing breath between his front teeth before continuing.

     “Let’s do it tonight...or we may not get another chance…they’ll amp up the training on us before they send us out…”

    “Yes…alright…We need a spotter…a tech don’t we? It would be safer.”

Newt gave a huffing laugh and shifted into a more comfortable position. He pressed himself to Hermann’s skinny chest and wrapped an arm around his waist.

     “No…no witnesses. If we find out something important we can’t let anyone know about it until...until I don’t know….we figure it out ourselves?”

Gottlieb’s eyes wandered to the dim smoky yellow light outside of the monsters mouth. He could see why Newton felt protected here...who would follow them into the mouth of a Kaiju? Who would be stupid enough to join them?...Tucked away in the ammonia miasma of blood long dried up.

   “…No witnesses.”

Hermann didn’t mean to fall asleep. He had forgotten how tired he was…forgotten what it felt like to be safe. Plus…Geiszler had to be the best space-heater in the whole damn Shatterdome. The last thing he could recall was he and Newton’s breathing falling in synch. Then he let himself go.

 

The Pon helmet was rigid against Hermann’s scalp. He let Newt adjust it, anchoring the spinal activator around his neck. When he swallowed his Adams apple bobbed the heavy weight-cord up and down.

     “Too tight?”

    “No…thank you Newton it feels alright.”

He sat in a chair and rubbed at the bridge of his nose staring up at Kotick’s brain. It floated peacefully, the tendrils of brain stem reaching for the glass and sticking sucker nerve endings against it. Hermann hoped that Kotick was still somewhere in there. He wanted to see him…at least one more time to tell him thank you. Newton pushed a chair next to Hermann’s and adjusted his own helmet. They had decided that it would be wise to drift sitting down this time. If not there was a real possibility they would end up flat on the ground.

Newton yanked uncomfortably at the box latched to his backbone and held up the module remote.

     “Déjà Vu man. I never thought I would have to do this shit again….”

Hermann reached over and grabbed his hand, eyes focused nervously on the dark bulk of Gogmagog where it rose above them.

    “Well…I suppose this time you have no need to leave me a vague message on a recorder. Any final confessions can be addressed to me directly.”

Newt clenched his hand tight.

     “I don’t really have anything to confess…just a lot I’d like to say..”

     “Say it after…”

Hermann had a brief impression of Newt pressing the button before he was thrust into the wild blue screaming world of the drift.

 

   Hermann stood at a raised podium surrounded by a large group of well-dressed people. How did he get here? He couldn’t remember how he had gotten here…a strange thing was happening to his brain. He had vague memories of Newton and a….a Jaeger. He and Newton had been driving a Jaeger? That was so laughably ridiculous. The war was over…Newton was still with the PPDC. There was a jab of pain between his eyes, the kind of headache he would sometimes wake up with, lingering and stubborn.

Vanessa squeezed his arm and pushed his reading glasses up his nose planting a kiss on his pale cheek. She was pregnant, her belly so large he had to lean over it to give her a hug. The baby wasn’t supposed to come for another two months but they are both ready for the pregnancy to be over. She smiled at him and held out a brand new camera, snapping a picture of them both from arms length.

     “I’ll finally be able to use this thing. My birthday was weeks ago and I just now drug it out.”

Hermann smiled and knew exactly what to say next. The strange dreamlike feeling that he wasn’t supposed to be here faded completely.

     “Are you sure you will be alright? I’ll rush the talk…you didn’t have to come. It’s nothing more than another proposal lecture.”

     “The Breach Institute is your dream. If me being here helps you get some seed money then here I will stay.”

He shook his head scanning the crowd.

     “These people could care less about my dream. They are here because I am an oddity. An… _attraction_ they pay to see. Hah… look. That young man from the physics department is here…the one with the hair you were so fascinated by. Perhaps you could strike up a conversation eh?”

She rolled her eyes and pointed down at her swollen stomach.

      “Oh yeah he would be totally interested right now…and I wasn’t FASCINATED with his hair. Don’t exaggerate.”

She tilted unsteadily on her feet as the baby jostled and sighed.

      “I better get down with the rest of the flora and fauna…break a leg Hermann.”

He beamed as she waved and stepped down off the stage to join the crowd, working her way to the back of the gathered students, alumni and potential financial investors. Gottlieb followed her progress watching her occasionally stop and talk to people with ease he never had. She held up the camera and flashed a picture of him on stage giving him an enthusiastic thumbs up.  

   Behind Hermann sat a gigantic hologram reproduction of his breach model, It flashed and every ten minutes or so the throat would close. The animated cycle showing the exact moment the Gipsy and its payload destroyed the throat of the portal. Brightly colored reflections of the simulation flashed over his skin and his beautiful new suit.  The triumphant instant played out over and over again, a reminder to everyone of why they were still breathing. Most of these people paid one hundred dollars at the door to hear him speak…but he knew better then to get his hopes up. The recession was getting worse with each passing day. Grant money was going to research in alternative energy. Investors felt like his life’s work was suddenly a waste of resources. They forget so quickly Gottlieb thought, clearing his throat to begin his talk.

     “Ladies and Gentlemen, alumni of the college…faculty and students…I thank you for joining me here tonight…I come before you with the knowledge that eventually...Eventually a new portal will emerge and the Anteverse will send some new horror to threaten our security.I believe this with my entire being…"

He had been speaking for about ten minutes when He noticed Vanessa’s face and stuttered to a stop. She was looking down at her white dress, eyes to the floor, the people around her moved away murmuring uncomfortably. In the sudden silence a woman screamed.

     “Someone call an ambulance!”

Hermann grabbed absently for his cane and rushed to get down the steep stage stairs without falling over. The crowd would not make much room for him and he had to shove and prod with his cane to get to Vanessa. The white dress which always looked so flattering next to her dark skin was now stained ruby with the blood running down her bare legs. She had collapsed to the floor into a fragile looking heap. Hermann hurled himself painfully to his knees to grab for her and she reached for him eyes scared. The brand new camera lay spattered and forgotten near a pool of dark blood.

     “Oh god Hermann …I’m having contractions…it’s too soon…”

He hugged her unsure what else to do and they waited for the ambulance in a shivering embrace. She gritted her teeth in agony, sweat pouring down her forehead. When she screamed through a contraction Hermann could only grip her tighter…feeling helpless. The red stain spread further and further up her dress in swirling calculated patterns. Someone shouted at Hermann. He looked away from Vanessa long enough to see Newton’s unshaven face and wild hair sticking out from the crowd. He was screaming something but Hermann couldn’t make out the words. How did he get here? It made no sense…”

   

   He turned back to look at Vanessa but found he was alone, sitting on a ratty sofa that came with the flat when he rented it. Hermann blinked owlishly at one bare beige wall. He was not surprised that he had been daydreaming about the day they had lost the baby. It had been happening frequently…in the middle of a lecture, when he sat down for meals. He found larger and larger stretches of time eaten up by nightmares. The Kaiju dreams were getting worse...night terrors creeping into his day bit by bit. His life and his sanity barely felt like his own anymore, they belonged to exhaustion and terror of something at the end of a tunnel he thought he had closed.

He missed Vanessa… and he missed Newton so badly it stung his heart constantly…like a bad sunburn. He stared at the boxes of unpacked books sitting in a pile near the filthy mini-kitchen. They belonged on a bookshelf he couldn’t find the energy to put together. His life was in boxes. All that was left of him was boxes and had decided they were not worth unpacking. Gottlieb leaned forward and took a bottle of wine from his splintery old coffee table. It was sitting next to neat pile of rejection letters for his last round of institute proposals. Tipping it back he gulped down half of the contents…it had no vintage and tasted as if the grape juice had barely had time to ferment. It was the best he was able to get and it had cost every ration card he had. Wine was a guilty pleasure once…when it was readily available. It seemed like things were easier to procure before the end of the war. Back when the black market was still in full swing. He sucked down another long drink and took a final look around the cramped ugly little apartment. He wouldn’t miss it.

Going into the bedroom he set the wine bottle down on his bedside table. He had left supplies there to write a last note but that seemed so crude now...It didn’t matter, he had nothing truly important to say. No final wisdom to impart or secrets worth revealing. All he could offer was an apology to Vanessa, perhaps a curt goodbye to his family. No. That wasn’t completely true. If he was honest with himself he could have written a few hundred pages for Newt. Sorry I ran away from you…sorry I was afraid of you...I’m not sorry we drifted, I’m glad we tried to save the world…I don’t quite understand my feelings for you …sorry I left before we could figure it out.

    Pulling his painkillers from the bathroom cabinet, Hermann took a last look at himself in the mirror. He looked so old…much older than thirty-six. He also looked bone tired. This made sense, he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks...He had not slept more then three hours at a time since the day the breach closed. The last time he had seen Newton.

    Gottlieb put on his favorite sweater (the cashmere one with the old stain) and some freshly pressed pants before climbing into bed. A frigid breeze blew from his drafty bedroom window. Winters seemed to last so much longer than they used to…but who knew if that was caused by humans or Kaiju. He didn’t care…he was done with all of them.

Using the rest of the wine he downed the entire bottle of painkillers and curled into a tense fetal ball. It would be good to rest. He looked forward to an end to the exhaustion, the icy grey depression and the loneliness. Most of all he wanted an end to the fear…an escape from the nightmares. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander to stars. As a little boy he would count stars in sections trying to estimate how many were in his own universe…how many lay beyond. Blearily he heard a voice and managed to come halfway back to himself.  Inches from his nose Gottlieb could just make out the thick frames of Newton’s glasses.

He looked hysterical, eyes huge as he spoke a mile a minute. Hermann smiled hazily at him. He could see the man’s mouth moving but he couldn’t hear his whining high pitched voice….it was an odd thing to hallucinate…. There was an abrupt violent pain in his stomach and Hermann retched, the wine and the painkillers coming back up his throat in a burning mass. He leaned over the side of the bed and threw up his one way ticket out. A golden light pulled at the edge of his vision and then the world was a blue blur of images that shocked him back into wakefulness.

_…He is kissing a girl in a tattoo parlor.  She tastes like coffee sweetener and cheap lipstick._

_…He bit down hungrily and could feel a seals skull pop between his back teeth like a grape._

_…He screamed at his father about the wall of life, desperately trying to convince him it isn’t going to work. He tried to explain that they will only get bigger…no wall will hold them forever._   

  

   The world was swallowed by an ocean and he floated in the black abyss of it trying to figure out who he is…what he is. The world moved violently as Kotick swam upward for air, breaching with a massive wave and a guttural whooping noise. In the distance there was a whaling ship and the Kaiju sent a reverberating wave of something like sonar at it …trying to puzzle it out. He had never seen a ship before. The hive is smaller….there are fewer voices then Hermann remembered before…that must mean more have been born since what he is seeing happened…it answered one question. Gottlieb is unsure if he is inside Kotick or if he is Kotick. It’s hard to tell…he is the hivemind and Newton is too…He attempted to reach out into the blue and find his partner but was stopped by the sound of a voice he knew all too well.

     _No…please help…make it stop…_

The memory Kotick stopped moving toward the whaling ship and raised his head into the air snorting a fine mist of water from huge nostrils. The voice was Hermann’s and it was inside Kotick’s skull…weakly whispering at the edge of the hivemind where only the white Kaiju seemed to hear it.  Kotick answered as he dove deep into the dark oily water. He seemed confused, confused as Hermann.

    _Hive brother?....small voice?...small voice sick?.....help…help brother…._

Kotick dove further and further into the darkness, the light of icebergs flashing over his skin. The blue light changed and morphed until it became the flashing of lights on a dance floor. Hermann looked around mystified. The bar smelled filthy and there were peanut shells on the floor along with a thin layer of dust. On a rickety stage held together by duct-tape a band played some loud song he recognized faintly. He tried hard to remember where he knew it from. Newton’s voice rose above the din and he spotted him on stage going to town on an electric guitar. He was so much younger...he was skinnier and somehow his jeans were too. Hermann knew the song now…How could he forget it? He had heard it a hundred times blasting through his lab space in Tokyo and Hong Kong.

    _“He picks up a bus and he throws it back down…As he wades through the buildings toward the center of town….Oh no, they say he’s got to go….GO GO  GODZILLA!”_

Newt went down on his knees and slid toward the crowd head thrown back, tongue sticking out. He strummed the guitar and raised it above his head. Hermann could only watch and take a few steps back. The last memories he relived…he had been chasing the rabbit. He had never asked Newton what it had felt like and now he had no need to. It was like reliving the memory afresh...like you were in it and didn’t even realize it had already happened. Was Newt chasing his own rabbit? No…no he had seen flickers of him. Hermann rested against the bar…he was lost, way off course. He muttered to himself the words drowned out by the music.

     “What now…”

The young Newton ripped off his sweat-soaked t-shirt and threw it out to the screaming crowd. Hermann couldn’t stop the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. At least he got to see this. The music faded in and out. Gottlieb squinted, attention drawn by a strange gold shimmer…it was like the beginnings of a mirage. It danced in the dark crowd, glowing brighter with each passing second. He narrowed his eyes and raised an eyebrow. The gold light solidified, gaining substance and form as it moved through the mob of drunken college students. The light shifted, turning its newly formed head to glance back at Hermann. It was Sean Patrick Flood. The dead ranger smiled at him from the back of the bar, standing motionless under the neon green exit sign. Gottlieb blinked a few times before pursuing him. Now that he was out of the memory loop his leg didn’t seem to be bothering him as much…at least one positive.

     “Flood! Ranger! Wait!”

Sean Patrick waited for him to get closer then silently stepped through the exit sign out into the dark. Hermann followed him without thinking and found himself stranded in the middle of an ocean of ice chunks. The golden light he took to be Sean Patrick glimmered in the distance and he chased after it, stopping only when he reached the end of the ice. Kotick surfaced close by and howled at the wide open charcoal grey sky. This Kaiju was much smaller than the Kotick he knew, probably no more than an infant. The baby ignored him sniffing the air again. Another monster surfaced, a massive wave of water coming off its back. Hermann instantly recognized Vesuvius. The Kaiju that had come to Kotick in the end, stayed with him when he lay dying in the garbage patch…was Vesuvius taking care of the baby? He turned away reluctantly from the two Kaiju who seemed to be playing with a bit of ice. Shoving it back and forth like a toy.

The weak flickering form of Sean Patrick's…ghost?....memory? Whatever it was lead him further and further into the dark until he was completely turned around…the tell-tale pain in his chest reminded him that he couldn’t stay here forever…he had wasted precious time.

   Hermann walked in the dark until he felt too tired to take another step…completely drained. The gold light that may or may not have been Sean Patrick paused ahead of him and he wondered if he was chasing nothing but his own reflection. There was no up and down here…just darkness and a flat expanse of smooth ground that shone like black obsidian. He barely had time to scream when his next step broke the ground under his feet. Gottlieb fell on his stomach and elbows and it knocked the air out of his body. He lay in an ungainly heap and only looked up when a hand reached down into his field of vision. Dr. Meredith Vess leaned forward to help him up.

    “Dr. Gottlieb you really have to watch that step. This Shatterdome was not built with the handicapped in mind I’m afraid.”

     “Oh…err.”

She was a memory…this was a memory but he was aware of it. He had a response he was supposed to give and he guessed if he missed it she would keep going. He couldn’t fall into it. He couldn’t lose himself in the recollection. Just as he speculated she went on like he had spoken some predetermined line. It was like he was in a film but not playing his role. Not sticking to the appropriate script.

    “You are on your way to the party yes? I made it clear the meet and greet was mandatory. Did I not?”

He blinked shaking his head slowly.

    “You are dead Dr. Vess. You died of stomach cancer…even now Its eating away at your stomach lining. You think its ulcers but it isn’t.”

She smiled at him

     “Good! I’ll see you there then. Right down the hall to the left. Most of the biology department is already there.”

Hermann watched Vess retreat down the hall and decided it was best to continue the scenario like it was supposed to be. He entered the familiar common room and felt his face flush at the stares….well this much hadn’t changed. He turned and Newton rushed him pausing a moment to touch his shoulder…testing to see if he was solid.

     “Hermann…is it you? Like really you? Not dream you or memory you?”

Gottlieb laughed weakly in relief and nodded gripping his partners shoulder. Newton also gave a small strangled laugh... then threw a full cup of rum and cherry coke right into Hermann’s face. Hermann was so shocked he lost his balance and went tumbling backwards. The room paid no attention and as Hermann fell he actually went through several people. He hit the ground clutching at them but they were just ghosts…holograms.

     “You selfish FUCK. Suicide Hermann?? Seriously!??”

Gottlieb looked up at him from the ground and flushed bright red, alcohol and soda dripping from his nose and eyelashes. The room flickered in and out of reality as Newton stood over him breathing hard.

     “How DARE you do that! What if you hadn’t vomited that shit back up!”

     “I….it…”

     “Yeah?? Did you ever stop to think for five minutes that you could have called me and I would have come _running_?? Did Vanessa ever find out what you did? I bet not she would have been fucking furious!”

Newt was tearing up…they were both glowing slightly. The air seemed to pulse with emotion.

    “I never even felt…I didn’t know! When was that…I was probably knee deep in Fortress II bullshit and you were….You must have buried that so fucking deep….How could you hide that from me… that and what happened with the baby?...why didn’t you…ARGH!”

He pulled at his hair screaming out his frustration then sat with his back to Hermann on a bit of jutting sea rock that hadn’t been there a split second before. The Shatterdome party was gone. A million stars blazed overhead in the blue tinged night sky. A tropical breeze shook the thick leaves of a nearby palm tree, whistling low and ominous through jungle foliage. Hermann looked at it all disoriented and tried to stand, wiping at his face.

     “It…did not seem important…”

    “NOT…NOT IMPORTANT?...How about I fucking decide what’s not important!”

Hermann leaned on a tree to catch his breath. The very air was electric with Newton’s anger, the entire drift shivered at the intensity of it.

     “I am…sorry I upset you Newton…you’ll note I didn’t try it a second time.”

Newt mashed his face into his knees and shook his head from side to side his voice muffled.

    “That doesn’t make it fucking acceptable dude.”

He raised his head and rubbed at his eyes.

     “What happened to the baby? I only saw what happened at your talk thing…”

Hermann wrung his hands uncomfortably. This was not something he wished to speak about to anyone…not even Geiszler.

     “…Vanessa suffered a placental abruption. It could not have been predicted. I told the doctor that…Vanessa’s life should take precedence over the baby’s. I made the decision then I left the hospital. I ran like a coward…I hid in my lab while she suffered.“

Hermann stood and stared at the sky jaw tight.

     “When I came back the first thing she asked me was why I had gone...the second was where the baby was. I requested the divorce soon after. The divorce was a relief…because it had always been inevitable…I was a burden on her kindness…we did not part sooner because of the pregnancy. After…after that day I let her move on with her life.”

Newt just stared at him. There was silence for a long time interrupted only by the hush of tide on the sand, the low hiss of the ocean breathing.

     “That’s so much bullshit. You don’t believe anybody could actually just love you do you? …What happened wasn’t your fault man. You did what you thought was right.”

Hermann’s body felt heavy as he confessed everything. His eyes stung and his head throbbed.

      “As for the…pills.  I…she was gone. You were gone. I was depressed and … _very_ tired… I wasn’t in my right mind.”

  “I felt that you were sad Herms…but I had no idea...you didn’t have to cope with all of it alone. You always try and do that. It’s stupid…you can’t deal with everything by yourself. Nobody can. The only reason you lost us in the first place was because you shoved us away.”

Hermann walked up slowly to lean against the rock where Newt sat. He attempted very unsubtly to change the subject.

       “I saw Kotick a few times…have you seen anything?”

      “Couple things…mostly you. You started rabbit hunting and I followed after. It was like…immediate..I was inside and you were gone.”

    “Have you seen…”

He started to ask if Newt had seen Sean Patrick but decided against it, afraid it might trigger some sort of panic.

      “…any sign of the fissure?”  
Newt shook his head.

     “No. There are Kaiju just swimming around our memories like ghosts in a pac-man maze but not one of them seem to lead to the fissure.”

Hermann looked out across the ocean and back towards the palm trees. The air smelled like a bottle of suntan lotion.

      “Where are we? Is this a Kaiju memory?”

      “Nah…its mine. This is Fortress II…it’s on an island paradise near French Polynesia. I used to come up here at night all the time to escape the butcher counter downstairs. It is pretty isn’t it…?”

Hermann scooted awkwardly closer, trying to get a good look at Newton’s face. His friend stared up into the night sky and finally sighed reaching out to put a hand on top of Gottlieb’s head.

       “Look Hermann…I’m sorry I got mad. Don’t scare me like that again. That shit isn’t cool…I think I’ve made it pretty clear how I would feel if I lost you.”

Hermann stared down at his feet and took a few steps toward the surf letting Newton’s fingers drop away from his scalp.

          “We can’t dally…who knows how much time has passed…I…have an idea that if we were to…concentrate perhaps we could find what we want.”

Hermann felt Newton link their fingers together as he stood. They walked down the beach and in the water Hermann saw a brief flicker of gold. He knew better then to question it now…Sean knew what he was doing at least. Or perhaps subliminally…Newt did.

     “The water…we need to go into the water.”

Newt frowned unsure but shrugged following Hermann’s lead. They stood with the water lapping at the toes of their shoes briefly before taking a tentative step into the foam.

The hivemind roared and screeched…thousands of images struck Hermann at once. Water, boats, fish and other Kaiju…It tore at his brain and he struggled for breath. He held tight as he could to the tendril of thought that was, metaphorically anyway, his partners hand. They kept falling and falling in a single beam of light streaming to the ocean floor. Two particles suspended in a sunbeam. Vesuvius swam past them ghostly and made of blue light…others trailing in his wake. The one from the raid in Hawaii, Mudpuppy Newt had called him, tumbled otter-like around them turning in playful circles before swimming away. The strange eel- like Kaiju Hermann remembered from the shared dream slipped past, its huge body undulating… waving like a flag. There were others and noticeably…they were all getting smaller. The smallest was still as long as a football field but if this was any indication they were definitely shrinking…evolving down. How small would they get? Why was it happening…He felt Newt’s mind fizzle with questions like a bottle of shaken soda….ready to explode.

The smallest of the Kaiju turned to look at them, shifting its head to the side. He swam weakly downwards and they plummeted after him trailing bubbles from nose and mouth in the process. The fissure spread out below them like an open wound. Pink light seared their eyes from the crack and Hermann blinked against it. The little Kaiju, no bigger than a two-story house, gazed at them and its eyes were oddly….human.

It was a newborn…it had to be. It was so reminiscent of the baby Kaiju he and Newt had drifted with in Hong Kong, Its features still round and soft.

With a silent cry it slipped into the Fissure. Hermann’s gaze met Geiszler’s. His partner’s eyes blazed an unearthly blue behind his glasses, glowing in the dark at the bottom of the ocean. Hermann watched as a bit of a tattoo floated free of Newton’s arm and curl in wisps around his own. He just smiled and tightening his grip on Newt’s fingers in return. Kicking hard they swam forward, gliding down through the yawning gap…down into the fissure.

 

  For a moment the pink light was the whole world and then Hermann realized he was no longer holding Newts hand. Or did he even have a hand at all…

The voice that spoke was too large. Too big to understand or take in. It spoke directly to him in images and sensations. He was floating in warm fluid and the hive made a terrible din behind the enormous voice.

     “ _ **BIRTH... MOTHER…HIVE.”**_

Visions of the fissure filled up every thought process, every synapse…every nerve. It was a Kaiju but at the same time much more then a Kaiju. It was a sentient birthing matrix, an organic breeding machine. She knew all his memories… all his thoughts. She knew him better than he knew himself. The Mother loved him more than language could describe. She loved him more than stars and loved Newton past time. She was trying to understand the world using them as a guidebook, a roadmap, a bible. Mother wanted so badly to touch them, she spoke with a voice so big they could not hear it…she used the hive to learn…she used the brothers.

The brothers brought her food while she tried to understand the world…people…cities. She couldn’t understand everything…not yet, she needed more time to process…To discover. The small voice and the fast thinker had to be protected. Mother would make children that would live….and the smallest brothers of the hive…the favorite brothers…the small voice and the fast thinker would help her.

Kotick had gone first….he had been the first of her children to touch them…he had been the first of the children to die.

The hive would protect them until death…

The hive would understand everything…

The hive would survive in an alien world….

Hermann screamed. His heart was going to burst. The pain and ecstasy of Mother’s full attention was too much.

It was all too much.

 

     “D-d-duh-doctor G-guhGottlieb…D….D-duh…Doctor g-g-guh Geizler??”

The pon was ripped off his head and Hermann could only collapse, his limbs a twitching mass of raw nerve endings. He gasped for breath and coughed, blood streaming from his eyes and nose. He sobbed and felt a hand shaking his shoulder, a stammering voice tried desperately to speak.

     “I…g-g-guh…H-hu-hu-help!”

He reached out weakly flailing about with one arm. Hermann clutched at Koosha’s jacket and spoke in a choked whisper.

      “N..no…no....just you…twins…Neta…rangers…we t-trust…s-secret…understand?”

Deghari’s huge brown eyes appeared in the fog of Hermann’s vision and he nodded weakly.

      “mmm….mu-mu…u-un…understood…s-sir…”

      “G..good boy…”

Gottlieb lay back gasping for air, a shaky hand pressed to his chest. He squinted in Newt’s direction, his partner looked back at him with a pale sick expression he was sure mirrored his own. Geiszler swallowed hard and offered a strained smile.

     “You…know….I never had a great r-r-relationship with my mom…I h-huh-hope this one goes better…”

Blood gushed from his nose and Hermann wished he had the strength to lean forward and wipe it away. Stop the trickle that dripped over Newton’s teeth and down his throat. The connection was buzzing like a electrified metal wire…but there was calm behind it… something similar to the afterglow of good sex. Hermann managed a dry gasping chuckle, sweat dripping down his forehead.

        “…Newton…w-we may be in…over our heads.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are ALOT of call-backs to earlier chapters in this chapter. This chapter should have been called “Hey remember that tiny thing I mentioned once eight chapters ago? That was important I sure hope you were paying attention.” Also I was kinda hard on Hermann …even more so then usual. Sorry Hermann, I love you man.
> 
> http://blairtrabbit.tumblr.com/


	15. Keep Calm and Carry On

     “Alright Everybody out! We’re making a pit stop! We have three more hours to Hurricane so everybody empty your bladders and get something to eat! Lunch is on the PPDC!”

The bus rolled to a stop and its passengers stirred, the drivers message sinking in bit by bit. Hermann looked up from the book in his lap and blinked a few times, stretching until he felt a satisfying pop in his vertebrae. He turned to Newton curled up tight in his bus seat, body mostly hidden under a thick blanket. Gottlieb lay a hand on his shoulder.

    “Pit stop Newton. Wake up…”

Glancing out the bus window, Hermann tried to figure out exactly where they were. It had been a very long day with no clear end in sight. At three in the morning (Alert time) He, Newt and a large group of Rangers and other Shatterdome staff had boarded the same Fortress I jet that had taken them to Helsinki. It had carried them as far as the Phoenix Airport, one of the last open airports in the continental United States. After this they had been herded onto a cramped bus and were now making their way to some politically neutral backwoods town on the Arizona/Utah border. A podunk, middle of nowhere place called Hurricane… that was where they were going to be stationed during deployment.

Hermann had found himself intimidated by the sheer size of the country he was in. Aside from his time in the Shatterdomes Gottlieb had lived in Europe his entire life. He was used to a world of readily available public transportation and short travel distances. His current journey brought to mind an old quote he had read somewhere. “In America one hundred years is a long time…in Europe one hundred miles is a long way.” He had never really understood what that meant until now.

They had driven for three hours and in that time had barely seen so much as a cow. It was nothing but rolling space and empty sky. Red landscapes and sagebrush desert. Even the roads themselves seemed abandoned. The vehicles they did see were all hybrid electric or solar and those were few and far between. Hermann hadn’t realized the full extent of the United State’s energy problems. No, more than that. He hadn’t realized how terrible the entire _world’s_ problems seemed to have grown. He was just beginning to grasp how sheltered a life he had been living.

Newton rubbed groggily at his eyes, wiping drool from the bad side of his mouth and searching about for his glasses. Hermann pulled the thick black frames from where they were hooked on Newt's shirt collar and placed them delicately on his partner’s face. The man straightened them on his nose, mumbling incoherently under his breath. The long trip had made Geiszler uncharacteristically cranky. The Whateley twins leaned over from the bus seats behind them and pressed their faces to the tinted bus windows.

    “It’s a trucker diner! “

    “Awesome! Let’s get some he-man steaks and a couple barrels of coffee for the road!”

   “That’s a 10-4 good chum!”

Hermann didn’t quite understand the term “trucker diner” He scrutinized the squat little building they had pulled up to. It was surrounded by a few big-rig trucks and motor-homes all burdened heavily with solar panels. A long line of miss-matched vehicles sat waiting for the electric charging stations. There was one gas pump but it sat apart, gathering dust.

   His leg was afire with pins and needles the moment Gottlieb stood and Newton unconsciously put a hand onto his shoulder to help support him. Together they managed to navigate the steep bus steps. Standing outside the idling bus Hermann coughed on a lungful of cold desert air. It was so dry. Balor Flood stomped off the bus behind them looking disheveled and much the worse for wear. He eyed the scientists up and down over his shoulder. Gottlieb knew he was making sure they were alright…no matter what he argued to the contrary.

     “Fuck Hermann my head is killing me…”

Hermann turned his full attention on his partner and tugged his shoulder pushing him to walk away from the crowd. Rangers, techs and officers piled off the bus, migrating past them en masse to the truck stop.  He prodded Newton to walk until they were out of earshot, speaking in German even after it was clear they were being ignored.

     “<I know…mine is also hurting…perhaps if we ate and drank a bit of caffeine.>”

Newton nodded weakly eyes screwed up tight against the autumn glare of the mid-day sun above them. He whined deep his throat and kicked angrily at the cracked asphalt, scuffling his shabby Chuck Taylors. He was deep into cranky kid mode.

      “<Fuck this whole stupid trip Hermann…>”

     “<Calm down…I’ll let you have half of one of my painkillers alright? That will help.>”

The twins rushed past them, squealing with joy as they approached a huge fiber-glass statue of a bright green dinosaur. The garish thing had an electric sign hanging around its neck that pointed towards the diner/ fueling station. The sign read “ _Billy says grab a bite at the Dino Stop Station!_ ” in bold black letters. Hermann couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed the sculpture until now. It was one of the ugliest things he had ever seen. The twins were speaking in low serious tones and Gottlieb felt almost certain they were daring one another to climb it. He groaned and rolled his eyes, turning Newt around and nudging him to walk forward.

      “Hey! IDIOTS!...Don’t even think about it! Lets go inside and get something to eat yes?”

The twins looked back startled and grinned at Hermann, trotting over to follow him and a very disoriented Newt into the blocky old building.

  The interior of the fueling station was dingy and smelled of age and cigarette smoke. Half of its interior was dedicated to a gift shop and the other to a greasy little diner. Hermann lead Newton into the filthy pink and white tiled restaurant, steering him past a spinning rack full of fake pies and into an open booth. The only one left unoccupied by their fellow Shatterdome members. Harry Archer shot them a toothy smile before going back to his discussion with the other LOCCENT techs he was sitting with. Aside from Harry, Balor and the twins Hermann didn’t know any of the other people who had been deployed with them. The young Japanese women who piloted the Strife Chimera had not said a word despite his numerous attempts at polite conversation. Gottlieb wondered if he or Newton had done something to offend them…it seemed like a distinct possibility.

The worst was the Harpe brothers…every once in awhile Hermann would feel Catfish Harpe’s eyes on him, cold on the back of his neck. He shivered and tried nonchalantly to see where Catfish and his brother were sitting. He spotted the back of their Ranger jackets at the diner counter facing away from the booths…good. He had disliked Micajah “Catfish” Harpe the moment they were formally introduced. In part because of his fight with Geiszler…but also in the icy way he always seemed to be judging them. Measuring them up with his eyes and finding them severely lacking. This was not even going into the unsavory way he treated women. There had been no disciplinary action against him for hassling Honey or hurting Newton…but Hermann hadn’t really expected there to be. He rarely heard Catfish’s brother speak. The younger pilot didn’t seem to have his older sibling’s cruel streak but…they were still two sides of the same untrustworthy coin.

A waitress walked over and set out four mugs and four sets of silverware.

     “Coffee?”

Hermann raised an inquiring eyebrow at the twins who both nodded.   

   “Yes...for the entire table please.”

She poured the steaming watery coffee and left them with menu’s, turning to take orders from a table of mechanics. Newton poured twelve sugar packets into this coffee before taking a shaky sip. Howard watched him dump them in one at a time fascinated.

    “Why not just eat the sugar packets Newt? Why even bother with the middle man.”

Newton grunted in reply and rubbed at his temples miserably. Sonia scanned a menu nose scrunched in thought.

    “There’s only three things on here that aren’t marked _unavailable_.”

Newt looked at his own menu and actually spoke in intelligible words, voice hopeful.

     “Do...do they have pancakes?”

Sonia turned the menu upside down and stuck it on the table in front of her face, resting chin on her hands.

     “Maybe? Probably not?”

The waitress approached their table again to see if they were ready to order. She refilled Newt’s cup, already half drained.

   “Strange group…you all heading to Hurricane?”

Sonia nodded seriously and made a sweepingly grand gesture.

     “Indeed madam we are but a traveling troupe of humble circus freaks.”

Howard pointed to himself and his sister.

     “We are the conjoined twins…recently separated.”

Sonia pointed behind her hand towards Hermann and Newt eyes narrowed.

    “That’s our midget and that man there was tragically born without a sense of humor.”

Howard leaned over his sisters shoulder and whispered confidentially.

    “He’s our biggest attraction.”

Gottlieb groaned and buried his face in his hands but Newt just  looked up at the waitress. Blood started to drip from his nose plopping onto the menu he was holding, he didn’t even notice.

    “Do you have pancakes?”

She looked at him and took a half step back.

   “Uhh…sure hon…breakfast is over but I’m sure we still got some batter in the freezer….err you got a lil…your nose.”

Hermann grabbed for a napkin and pressed it to Newton’s nose.

    “My apologies…We will both have that then…and I suppose it would be foolish to ask if you have any tea?”

She gave them a strange look and wrote the orders down on her notepad.

   “Sorry …just coffee. Tea’s hard to come by and we don’t get a lot of people askin for it. Where are you all from? You got those jackets…you military?”

    “Then may I please have a glass of water?…and no, not military exactly. We’re Rangers.”

Her expression hardened and she snorted but said nothing. The twins ordered sandwiches with fries and she took their order without comment, trailing off to the kitchen with a sour look on her face. Howard turned his head to the side, puzzled.

    “Ok…Rangers bad. Remember that gang. If anyone asks we’re just tourists. Extremely well coordinated and diverse…tourists.”

Sonia started to organize the sugar packets by color groaning as she did.

    “We’re all probably gonna have _special seasoning_ in our food.”

Hermann didn’t even want to ask what she meant by this. He was scanning the interior of the grungy little diner, taking everything in. A few people who had been here before the Fortress group walked in were staring at them with narrowed eyes, conversing in soft unhappy voices. The briefing materials Gottlieb had been given had not said much about what they would be doing in Hurricane…or even what Hurricane meant in the grand scheme of things. All he knew was that it was some tiny speck of a place that had been declared neutral to the conflict. Owned by neither the United States nor the United Interior States. Refugees from either side of the border were gathered there. Some trying to legally make their way from one side to the other…there was a detainment camp of some sort. It was all very vague.

He caught sight of Balor sitting alone at the edge of the diner counter staring into a cup of coffee. The harsh florescent light caught the silver in his hair and goatee. He looked so lonely. Gottlieb wished he knew how to approach him. He had a sneaking suspicion Balor had volunteered to come with them. He wasn’t a tech or even a maintenance mechanic. He was just an engineer. There was no reason from him to be deployed out here.

The twins likewise were not supposed to be with them. They would not leave Joyce alone, hounding him until he had given in and allowed them to prove they were able to pilot. Howard had been forced to go into the training ring with his sister and convince the med-team he was physically strong enough to drive the Siren. Hermann was barely been able to watch the match. It had been clear the man was still hurting badly. This was unsurprising, his shoulder had been completely saturated by Blue at the press dinner. In the hospital they had surgically removed some of his skin to save the muscle underneath. But somehow he had done it…and here they were.

   “Earth to Hermann…Come in Hermann.”

 Gottlieb blinked and looked over at Newt who was trying to get his attention.

    “Where’d you go man?”

Hermann shrugged and drew a few swirling numbers into some sugar crystals Geiszler had spilled on the table.

    “Thinking about what we are doing here…Of what awaits us in Hurricane.”

The twins were distracted, balancing silverware on the edges of the napkin dispenser. Newt finished his coffee pushing the cup to the edge of the table to be refilled again

     “We’ll find out when we get there…Try not to think about it right now.”

Their connection had been strange and uneven all day. When he wasn’t behaving like a crabby sleep-deprived baby Newton had been oddly silent. He was scared and trying to remain calm, Hermann understood that. He understood Newt better than he understood abstract analytic number theory at this point. Geiszler having a sudden massive panic attack in front of their entire unit wouldn’t gain any points for either of them.

The waitress returned with their food her eyes roving over Newton’s face and Hermann’s cane in a way he didn’t appreciate. She refilled Newt’s cup and Gottlieb took a sip of his own eyeing her. It tasted stale, like the coffee beans had been malingering in a storage room for a decade.

     “Thank you madam. The food looks delicious.”

It did not look delicious. The small piles of pancakes looked burnt at the edges and saturated with much too much syrup. The waitress shrugged and ambled over to check on the Strife Chimera’s table. Newton didn’t seem to mind the blackened bits, he jammed half a pancake into his mouth and chewed it with a dozy smile.

      “S-good ‘ermann.”

Gottlieb picked at his food taking small bites. He reached into his laptop bag and retrieved his painkillers. Taking out a single white pill he split it with a butter knife and handed half to his partner.

      “For your headache…it’s the usual mild dose...”

      “Thanks…I’m already feeling better.”

Howard and Sonia burped loudly, chewing their food with open mouths.

       “Chow’s not bad.”

      “Not good but not bad.”

      “You can make anything not bad with enough greasy cheese.”

Hermann finished a little over half of his plate before he began to feel sick and pushed it away sipping at the rough coffee with a wince before giving up on the whole enterprise. The twins finished and got up to explore the gift shop with matching grins. Catfish scowled at them when they bumped past. The twins were not small. They were lithe and sinewy and only a little shorter then Hermann…he estimated 5’10 and 5’9 respectively, Sonia being the shorter of the two. Harpe and his brother were at least six feet. The only person in the unit bigger than them was Harry Archer and Newton had hypothesized in private that he was actually just a shaved bear trying to pass himself off as a man.

     “I am going to use the restroom Newton. Behave yourself until I get back yes? Stick close to the twins.”

Newton glowered at him picking at the remains of his pancakes, dipping one of Sonia’s uneaten French fries into his maple syrup before shoving it into his mouth.

      “Yeah…I know mom.”

 

Hermann washed his hands twice in the filthy sink biting his lower lip. The fueling station bathroom was dirty even by Shatterdome standards. He took a moment to check his pale reflection in the mirror and sighed miserably. He looked awful, like a pale malnourished scarecrow…that and his hair was getting shaggy again. That sent a tinge of pain through his chest…Mrs. Melero wouldn’t be able trim it for him this time. Walking out into the gift shop Gottlieb caught a glimpse of Newton’s head and moved toward it. As he turned a corner he found himself limping past a lengthy wall of taxidermied animals.

Hermann stopped, gazing into the dead marble eyes of a mounted pronghorn antelope. It sent a shiver all through him. It was one thing to kill for sport but another thing to brag about it by pinning the poor animal to a wall as a trophy. What did The Mother think of this? Was she looking through his eyes right now and pondering why in the world human beings were so morbid, so… gruesome? It was a wonder she didn’t produce some massive Kaiju to destroy them once and for all.

Hermann’s eyes went misty and blank as the antelopes. The hive burbled up from the back of his skull. He just stood there leaning on his cane… deep in what appeared to be a staring contest with a decapitated deer. The feeling that was the hive whispered things…possibly questions...or maybe it was just the rushing of an ocean miles away…Newton put a hand on his arm.

     “Herm?…come on you're starting to freak me out with the thousand-yard stares…”

Gotlleib shook his head, pupils flashing blue for a millisecond as he was pulled away from the dark water and the chattering Kaiju. Newt looked around nervously, tugging at him.

    “Come on…time to get back on the bus…”

Hermann followed, a hand on Geiszler’s shoulder. He looked back at the dead animals once more before they were out in the cold. The twins were taking pictures in front of the massive fiberglass dinosaur and Newton stopped to join them, curious now that he wasn’t so groggy. The Whateleys had bought matching shirts in the gift shop which read “I Saw Billy the Brontosaurus on Route 89!” along with a small cartoony dinosaur in a trucker cap. Newt gave an indignant snort, looking truly offended.

     “There’s no such thing as a Brontosaurus. The Brontosaurus was just a more complete Apatosaurus skeleton. People just like the name Brontosaurus better because it means “Thunder Lizard” and Apatosaurus means “Deceptive Lizard.” I mean seriously…you know how many years’ people were putting the wrong skull on the Apatosaurus skeleton? Over fifty! And this just perpetrates the…”

     “Oh lord Newton shut up! No one cares! If they wish to call it a Brontosaurus...or a…Patiosaurus it is their business to do so!”

     “Hey man! A little accuracy never hurt anybody! They could have some goddamn professionalism!”

     “It is a dinosaur statue for CHILDREN Geiszler!”

The twins looked at each other. Sonia took two large steps back and slowly lifted her camera to snap a picture of the scientists fighting in front of the dinosaur, grinning as she did so.

     “That’s one for the scrapbook.”

They bickered all the way back to their seats but stopped when the bus chugged to life and the warmth lulled Newton into a drowsy silence. He lay his head on Hermann’s shoulder and Gottlieb looked around to see if anyone was watching nervously. Most of the bus was already dozing off. Newt spread his blanket over both of them and curled into a warm ball.

    “<It must be wonderful to live completely shame free Newton.>”

    “<I got you something in the gift shop.>”

    “<Oh?...that wasn’t nes…>”

Newt leaned back slightly and pulled at the wooly flap of Hermann’s Ranger jacket. Gottlieb had been hesitant to wear the leather bomber jacket with Occam’s razor stenciled boldly onto the back but…all the crews had one. His was a bit too big on his skinny frame and would fall off his shoulders unless he kept it zipped. Newton never seemed to take his off. Fumbling a moment Geiszler pulled a metal button from his pocket and pinned it to the collar Hermann’s jacket. It had a drawing of two rabbits with antlers embracing and above it was written. “Let’s Jack-Elope!” Hermann stared at it a long time before he managed.

     “<I …don’t understand what’s….why…do they have antlers?>”

    “<You don’t know what a Jackelope is?…No…I guess you wouldn’t. It’s kind of an American thing. Umm… A Jackelope is an imaginary animal. It’s a just a rabbit with antlers. I thought it was funny, I mean who doesn’t love some skillful wordplay? I…couples do crap like this right?>”

Hermann stared at the button and frowned severely considering it. A prickle of Newton’s disappointment worked its way down his back and he raised his eyebrows backpedaling.

     “<Oh no….Its wonderful Newton thank you. I will wear it proudly.>

The connection brightened and a humming feeling buzzed warm in his chest. It didn’t take much to make Geiszler happy.

   “<When you were looking at the animals on the wall…were Mother and the hive being loud or something?>”

Hermann looked around again, nervous to bring up Mother...even if it was in German. They had not told anyone what they had seen in the drift. Not the twins…not Neta. They had barely known how to speak about it to each other at first. All the people close to them knew was that they had drifted with the brain and had not been able to move for an entire day afterward, the pain in their heads and eyes almost too much to handle. Nancy got very close to forcing them to the infirmary when she had found them…it had been a close call. The training sessions afterward had been unbearable. They had only gotten through because Hermann had been sharing his pain meds. Now his reserve was running out…who knew when he would be able to get his prescription filled again. The PPDC only provided medication for him once a month. It was usually more than enough to last him. But now…

   “<I was wondering what she would have thought about them…hanging there. I wonder what she thinks about everything…how often she watches things through us…what moments she decides are important…>”

    “<Well…all we can do is that thing we talked about right? Figure out some way to teach her and the others. We just…we know she listens to us. Hell she loves us. They all do. And the connection got stronger when we started….well…being together?>”

     “<Cooperating.>”

     “<I guess that’s one word for it.>”

Hermann rubbed his face and massaged his thigh unhappily. The cramped bus seat was already getting to him and they still had a three hour trek ahead. He had only taken half his usual dose…giving Newt the other half for his headache. He was going to suffer for the kindness. Newt spoke in a hushed whisper.

    “<Teaching Mother…giving lessons …we should start right away…we can figure it out right? If we teach her well enough…she could love other people as much as us…if we could explain to people that she’s like…how awesome the hive is… Maybe…>”

     ”<Maybe they would realize how easy it would be to kill them all? Kotick told me about her once….but I didn’t even understand the sound, the feeling or even the idea he used as her name. It sounded like a hiss. If a Kaiju could not make me understand…how could we hope to make other people understand? “

He paused letting this sink in, His eyes holding Newton’s.

     “<No. we should be stressing how important it is to stay hidden…for their own protection. That or find some way to convince her to stop producing more children…the current ones can barely feed themselves and her as it is. They’ll be back to land raids and then Barlowe will be on them in an instant…>”

As Hermann said Barlowe’s name the accompanying image of his face caused an unhappy shifting of some enormous weight deep inside his head.

     “<…We understand because we are part of her…them. No one else will Newton.>”

     “<Yeah I guess…she’s just…she’s depending on us.>”

     “<Many people are depending on us.>”

Newton curled up tighter, pressing his knees to his chest. Hermann leaned against him quietly, touching his hand under the blanket.

     “<Mother should see stuff like just now. You know…bad food, stupid jokes…little arguments over mundane shit …the human condition and all that. Not just the big stuff…it’s the small stuff that matters Herm…>”

     “<…none of it matters if they are dead…>”

Hermann felt his eyelids drooping, eyelashes brushing his cheeks. He watched miles of open country slip past, an ocean of land stretching to the horizon. He looked down at the ridiculous rabbit button again and smiled…despite himself.

 

The refugee camp was so massive the first signs of it appeared three miles outside of Hurricane. The neutral area around the city was surrounded by the Arizona/Utah border fence. An ugly slapdash monstrosity made of tall chunks of corrugated metal and recycled chain link fence. They didn’t actually enter the camp itself. They were going around it to the PPDC base, driving right past one end of the immense tent-city. Politicians and TV personalities had started to call them Kaiju-towns years ago, back when the Kaiju were still being defeated regularly by mark-2 and mark-3 Jaegers.

   They were small at first but had grown at a frightening pace. Most formed in the center of the United States and other countries with large coastal populations that migrated with no particular place to go. Many people had simply driven until their vehicles had given out and they were stranded. Some had started entire communities in areas with farms that needed laborers. Anywhere they could get food. Gottlieb squinted out the window in awe. Motor homes, Buses, cars, trailers…anything with wheels sat in long avenues. People walked between them on dirt roads. Tent homes ranging from small to elaborate leaned against cars. Animals ran everywhere, Chickens, pigs and even cows all moving through the masses from one place to the other. Many people rode horses or bikes. Here and there actual buildings had been constructed from the same rough materials as the fences. Greenhouses could be seen popping up every few blocks…growing much needed food and probably more than a little marijuana. The City of Hurricane itself joined with the refugee camp as its heart. Hermann could see it in the distance, red dust rising from the overcrowded buildings and packed streets. Sonia shook her head eyes wide.

     “It’s so…BIG. I hadn’t expected it to…”

She stopped midsentence when she spotted the Jaeger. Hermann saw it in almost the same instant and sucked in a breath. It was so far away it was hard to even discern what color the mech was, patrolling the Utah side of the border with massive even steps. He had never seen a UIS Jaeger….not even on the news. Newt leaned over, resting his chin on Hermann’s shoulder.

     “It…looks a lot like one of ours…”

The Jaeger took another slow step. It was very thin and Hermann thought there was something uncomfortably…familiar about it. The construction was lightweight and did not seem too concerned about armor. From a distance it looked like an evil giant attacking an odd medieval village. They lost sight of it and Hurricane as the bus bumped down a quiet side road away from the city proper.

     “Tha thing don look so much.”

Catfish drawled from his seat watching the retreating figure of the mech with scorn.

    “We could take er out with tha Damascus no problem eh?”

When Harpe said Damascus he always exaggerated the middle A and added an unnecessary Z noise. He pronounced it Duh-maaaazzz-cuss. He had a way of making words sound lazy that offended Hermann in a way he knew was hypocritical. He found himself turning to look at Harpe with a sneer.

      “You seem so sure. Alas our mission here is not to start quarrels with the UIS.”

Harpe’s brother, who was noticeably younger than him, looked at Gottlieb shocked. Amazed he had actually said something. He cast a nervous glance at his brother to see what he would do. Harpe just narrowed his eyes and laughed raucously.

     “You seem so dem sure what we doin ere eh Couyon? “

The Whateley twins turned to glare at Harpe teeth bared and the air in the bus grew tense. The Chimera sisters, Emi and Yumi Koseki, stared across the bus aisle in the seat behind the Harpe’s. It felt like a strange line was being drawn…one Hermann didn’t understand completely. In the connection Newt was shivering, his fear thick and cold. He didn’t say a word.

     “Nobody know what we doin ere we just know we Mal pris. That is…we stuck. You ain’t one ah us…not you or yah…Podna. Real question is what you doin ere.”

Hermann looked at Newt, at his almost healed black eye. It was the fading bruise that helped him find his voice.

     “The same job as you...and that burns you so doesn’t it Mr. Harpe.”

The Ranger inhaled an angry breath through his nose and his younger brother grabbed him by the jacket whispering to him frantically in something that sounded like French while he squeezed his shoulder. The Whateleys started to stand up. Bodies rigid, ready to leap over the seat if necessary. Thankfully whatever his co-pilot had said seemed to calm Harpe enough that he just waved Hermann off..

     “Ahhh…Capon ain worth mah time.”

An uncomfortable silence settled over the unit, broken only when Balor stood and stretched with a loud yawn. He rubbed at his eyes and moved to the front of the bus to speak to the driver. Turning around he took in the group and cleared his throat.

     “Alrigh ladies an Gents. We’re almost tae Fort Tempest. Geh yer shit together and be ready for your department debriefing.”

 

   Fort Tempest was an old airfield and military training camp commandeered by the PPDC. The base was one of several along the newly formed border and had only been in use since the official start of the civil conflict. The Fort’s immense plane hangar was not tall enough for the Jaegers to stand up in. They had to be lowered carefully onto metal truck beds and pulled on their backs into storage. The Four Jaeger units stationed at Tempest each had their own corner of the ancient building. Their teams busily making sure they had come through their transports in one piece. Originally the proposed unit had been Occam, the Seawise Giant, The Damascus and the Jazz Hellion. But the twins had taken the Giant’s spot and they were stationed at a unit further down the border. The Chimera had replaced Hellion which went on with the Giant…moved under a policy of having a fortress I and II Jaeger at all bases.  Hermann was not happy that Honey and Nancy had been sent to Kansas. It was one less friendly face in a strange arid wasteland. It was also somewhat baffling that Harry Archer had stayed behind and applied to be the Razor’s tech....though definitely not unwelcome.

Gottlieb moved slowly past an open Hangar door. He was in a lot of pain, more than he needed to be… but he was trying to conserve his pills. Newton matched his pace, chattering amiably to his silence as they walked. He could see the twins near the Carpathia screaming sarcastically at some mechanics about scratched paint. Hermann’s leg buckled and he had to stop midstride, nearly falling over. Newt was next to him instantly holding him up.

     “Shit…should we go to the infirmary?“

    “No…let’s just go to the common room…that’s where we’re supposed to go correct?

    “Yeah…yeah ok man if you’re sure… I think it’s that way.”

With Newton’s help he was able to make it to the flat grey building that served as commissary and offices for the fort.  The common room was there as well, cramped and smelling unpleasantly of rot. The heater barely functioned and cold leaked in all the ancient dusty windows. The pilots were lined up in a straight row against one faux wood wall, ready to receive their debriefing. Hermann groaned inwardly but knew he would have to stand too. He and Newton took their places and were soon joined by the twins. After fifteen minutes all the Rangers were present and a tall stringy woman clomped inside slamming the door behind her.   

     “Alright. Listen up Rangers! My name is Staff Sergeant Edina Blackburn. You all will call me “sir”. This is my domain. You are the royal guards of my fucking kingdom.”

The sun was setting outside and Hermann was ready to climb into whatever bed they offered so he could be off his leg. He longed to stretch out and perhaps find an outlet for his heating pad. He was only half listening to Blackburn talk…

    “Mr….Gottled?”

Hermann snapped to attention and gave a salute without thinking, too tired to control the reflex. He had not saluted anyone since Pentecost had died, had not felt the need to.

    “Dr. Gottlieb…sir.”

   “Did you hear what I just said?”

   “Er…no I’m sorry sir…I am not quite all myself…not quite all here really.”

   “You and your partner have first patrol tomorrow. I don’t suppose you were listening about patrols either? Maybe you’d prefer some graham crackers and a story instead mm? Little bedtime kiss?”

 Hermann moved his cane slightly, effectively blocked Newton from moving forward. He cast a pleading sideways glance at the twins hoping they wouldn’t intervene.

    “You have not…yet fully explained patrol Sergeant Blackburn. But I promise I will give you my full attention…sir.”

Blackburn was a thin hawkish woman with suspicious grey eyes. She folded her hands behind her back and paced examining his cane, pale face and slumped posture.

    “There are desperate people here. Crime is rampant and so is drug smuggling. There are coyote trails everywhere. Do you know what a coyote is?”

Hermann knew this was a trick question but he answered honestly.

    “A four legged carnivorous mammal from the canine family?”

She actually laughed and took a step back.

    “No. A coyote is a human smuggler. They used to only be a problem for people living on the border between The United States and Mexico…but not anymore. Now we have people trying to get from the USA into the UIS or vice versa…coyotes will get them through for a price...usually that price is carrying drugs or weapons…guns…ammunition. That’s a lot of unlicensed shit getting through…but that’s not the worst. The UIS needs plutonium…”

 A small female voice spoke up from the line and everyone looked over surprised.

     “The border between the USA and the UIS is enormous. Why are all four of us focused here? They could cross the border anywhere. This seems like a fruitless waste of time.”

Blackburn narrowed her eyes.

      “What’s your name Ranger?”

      “Ranger Koseki Yumi…sir.”

Blackburn frowned, taking stock of her. She was very small…Hermann imagined she would barely reach his chest if they stood next to each other. She and her sister were both somewhere around five foot three…perhaps a bit under.

     “Ranger do you know the current capital of the UIS?”

     “I…was not aware it had a capital…”

     “Do you know where they produce their Jaegers?”

     “I…”

    “Well I do. The UIS may grow a good chunk of our food. But the USA has all the factories. Most of or Jaegers were made in places like California…Washington. They might do all the fabrication work in the Shatterdomes themselves now…but not in the old days. There’s only one factory that can produce Jaegers inside the UIS right now. And it’s in the same damn spot as their capital. Salt Lake City.

She paused for effect staring Yumi down fiercely.

     “So tell me miss thing. There’s USA loyal Nevada on one side of us…and Colorado wilderness on the other. There’s only one direct route to Salt Lake through dangerous desert for miles around …so where the fuck are the smugglers gonna bring in the skilled labor and Jaeger components?”

Yumi lowered her eyes unhappily and didn’t answer her face blushing bright red.

    “Could it be the same place they currently have THREE of their Jaeger stomping around? The same spot where border skirmishes have become a real fucking problem? Hmm? Anyone? Anyone care to guess?”

Newt couldn’t help himself, he raised his hand and whispered…

    “Here?”

    “Hey! Give the nerd a fucking prize! He got it!”

Blackburn turned on Newt, hovering over him her eyes trained on his face.

    “You one of the scientists? You must be. You're one of the only people with brains in the entire room!”

Newt grimaced as she shouted into his ear, ducking his head as spit flew onto his cheek.

     “Now…before I was so rudely interrupted….let’s talk about patrols.”

Sergeant Blackburn stamped over the wall opposite the Rangers, directing their attention to  a large yellowing map pinned there. Pointing, she traced a red line drawn down the border of the two states. A green zone marked where neutral Hurricane lay.

     “The border is separated into zones. Each zone has to be patrolled at least twice a day and the Jaeger teams go out two at a time. Each supporting the other in case they run into trouble…in most cases you won’t run into trouble. Most of the time the two Jaeger will be walking in opposite directions. With me so far? I need to slow down for any of you?”

Hermann took mental notes wishing he had his reading glasses on him so he could get a better look at the map details.

     “You will log everything you see. Fix the fence if you find it broken…if something looks strange you will report it. Most of all you need to report any movement from the UIS Jaegers’…that is your main priority. And if they try to cross the border? You WILL fight them.”

Newt stiffened at Hermann’s side. He felt his partner’s heart pound in his temples. Sendak had been wrong...they were obviously here for more than just intimidation. The room was silent. Finally the younger Harpe brother spoke, his voice a bit shaky.

     “Do…tha happen offen sir? We ave to fight em a lot?”

Blackburn just looked at him. She didn’t smile. She just put her arms behind her back and turned.

       “You are dismissed. The Ranger barracks are in the red building next to the hangar. Every team has a shared room with your Jaegers name on it. The crews of Occam’s Razor and Strife Chimera will report at 0500 for first patrol.”

Everyone stood there a minute longer saying nothing. Blackburn didn’t look back at them. She walked smoothly to the door out and let it slam behind her snapping everyone to attention. Sonia and Howard pulled faces at the door, crossing eyes and sticking out tongues.

       “What a warm sunny disposition that woman has…”

       “She’s put me right at ease! I just know I’m gonna love working here.”

       “I can tell it’s just gonna be sunshine and puppies all the way.”

Hermann looked over at the Strife Chimera sisters. The girl who Blackburn had screamed at was trying to hide her tears and he felt a pang of sympathy. At least they were all as scared as he and Newt. He turned and followed Geizler and the twins towards the barracks. Eyes lingering a moment more on the map pinned to the wall before the dark swallowed him.

 

Patrol shifts were seven hours long. Hermann felt groggy and disoriented as they were hooked up into the conn-pod. Up at Five a.m., running on five hours of sleep and now he and Newt had a seven hour drift to get through. Gottlieb set his leg brace and the pain was enough to startle him awake. Harry Archer yawned into his microphone as he flipped on the comm-link.

     “You boys ready? Had your coffee?”    

Newt grunted unhappily and pulled on his helmet eyes still closed. The brief hours of sleep they had managed to grab were not good ones. The beds were rickety and the blankets thin. They had slept pressed close together in Newt's bunk but even that had not helped very much.

     “I know man I hear ya. I’ve fed you your coordinates….all you do is walk the preset trail. When you get your lunch break you should be at Dragon Rock. You get a half-hour unplug then you head back.”

Hermann spoke in a raspy early morning voice struggling to clear his throat.

     “Thank you Harry…we understand…”

     “You guys gonna be ok? You’ve never drifted this long before. If something happens or you start to feel funky just head back. No pressure. The Chimera is taking what I’m told is the more dangerous route today.”

Newt mumbled something and Hermann nodded.

      “We …should be alright. We are just relieved you are our tech. It would be much more difficult to do this if we had been assigned a stranger.”

       “Yeah Nancy and Honey told me to stick with you. Newt I haven’t had a chance to tell you but I appreciate what you did for Honey man. That Harpe guy is an asshole but it wouldn’t look real good if a tech went around punching out a Ranger. I’m glad you were there at the right time.”

Newt smiled fuzzily inside his helmet. His body jerked when the conn-pod hooked a metal support into his spinal clamp, lifting him up off his feet slightly.

        “S’no problem dude…don’t like that misogynist bullshit.”

        “hah…you guys ready? I’m gonna start the handshake….”

Hermann shuddered his breathing loud in his helmet.

         “We are ready…”

         “Initiating handshake in 3….2….”

The blue light tingled through his sinuses bubbling into his brain, washing away all coherent thought. He caught an image of Newt getting turned down by a girl he was asking to a high school dance…she was three years older than him and laughed when he asked her. His voice oozed puberty. He could taste half-raw fish, freshly caught and cooked shoddily over a campfire. He could hear his father telling a ghost story. Suffusing each feeling and thought was the familiar smell of Newt’s skin and the watchful eyes of the hive…of Mother. Hermann came back to himself in a rush, panting. It really was much too early for this.

        “Left and Right sides calibrated…..strong connection. You guys sure have a helluva lot of brain activity for being half-asleep.”

Hermann frowned not sure how to answer. Newt saved him the trouble.

         “We’re totally flattered Harry, but staring at our naked brain activity? That’s just filthy.”

Archer laughed and thankfully dropped the subject. Gottlieb and Geiszler took their first step into the cold October desert, raising a puff of red sand under the treads of Occam’s left foot. There was a sense of real relief in the drift. They were safe inside the Razor.

        “Ok you two enjoy your walk. If something comes up just buzz me. Remember, Check-ins every hour or I worry.”

         “Will do Harry. Over and out.”

   They walked in silence. Getting used to moving Occam together, figuring out a stride that worked for both of them. At first the mech walked normally, but developed a slight limp after a mile or two…Hermann’s brain attempting to convince Newton’s to obey years of deeply ingrained muscle memory. It was corrected quickly enough. They spoke through the drift. No words…just intense little bursts of emotion. Here and there a pleasant thought or shared memory. It was the first time Gottlieb found himself actually enjoying the experience of piloting. Without fear or immediate threat it was like a deep meditation between him and his partner. It was a game of mental tag that brought them closer and felt … wonderful. Neither of them prodded or searched the other for information. There were no panic attacks, no pain in Hermann’s chest. It was just them, Occam and the desert.

The sun rose slow over some distant red rock formations. Revealing early morning mist and turning the ground a rosy pink. They stopped walking and turned to face the rising sun basking in the sudden warmth. The great bare rocks of the Utah desert glowed golden and a stray breeze sent a swirl of sand against Occam’s legs. Hermann spoke for both of them.

     “It’s …beautiful.”

He felt happiness flush through Newton’s entire body and the connection between them was like a tiny sun in itself. Geiszler’s voice squeaked out of his helmet, muffled by his visor.

     “The morning shift isn’t so bad….”

They turned and kept on the path. It was a delightfully uneventful morning. They stopped a few times to straighten the flimsy bits of metal and wood that barely passed as a fence but found no sign of vehicle tracks or footprints. The biggest setback of the day was Newton distracting them both when he spotted a Gila monster sunning itself on a rock and stopped to stare at it. The fight that caused lasted a half hour and was as comfortable as an old worn pair of pajamas.

Dragon rock was easy to spot. It loomed right on the border, the slapdash fence pushing against it as it slipped past. A series of craggy rocks formed the dragon’s tail and the largest part of the formation, which stood several stories tall, looked like a reptilian-esque head and body. It had a small dock built against it where a Jaeger could stand and the pilots could disembark to take their break. Occam was not as tall as an average Jaeger but his head reached the dock alright and they pulled the side escape hatch close as possible. Hermann did his last hourly check in with Archer and sighed mournfully as the tech powered their Jaeger down, snapping them out of the drift in a way that was extremely jarring.

 Gottlieb wobbled unsteadily and  Newton was already next to him handing him his cane and yanking off his helmet.

     “Let’s eat.”

He didn’t even bother to say “I’m hungry” Hermann knew. He nodded and let Geiszler help him out the escape hatch and into the open air. They both stood blinking against the bright light. Breath coming in white puffs, the air smelled fresh and extremely clean. A small wind-shelter a few ratty chairs and a sofa sat atop of the huge flat-topped rock, probably left there by a past Jaeger team. They both plopped down on the filthy couch to enjoy the view, their heavy drift armor raising puffs of dust into the still air.

Hermann watched a hawk circle lazily overhead and took the sandwich Newton handed him. Drinking deep from a shared bottle of water, they both sat quietly. Sweat drying from their hair and the backs of their necks. Hermann rubbed unconsciously at his leg and jumped a bit when Newton actually spoke out loud.

     “This is a great place to do some kind of lesson with Mother don’t you think? You can’t get much more out of the way then this.”

Hermann looked around nervously.

     “I…”

    “Oh come on dude…whose gonna tell on us out here? The clouds? The rocks?...that hawk? Is it a spy-hawk?”

     “Don’t mock me Newton. This is a serious matter.”

Newton took a bite of the apple that had been packed in his lunch bag and made a face.

     “Ugh…mushy…and I know it is. This is just the most secluded spot we’ve been in. Let’s do lessons up here during our lunch break.”

Hermann gazed out over the landscape. His eyes roving over the miles of empty sagebrush desert and the blocky rock formations painted on the distant sky. There wasn’t even a road out here. No place for a vehicle to even drive.

       “Yes…I suppose you have a point…how do you propose we go about it?”

Newton chucked his half eaten apple over the edge of the steep cliff. The wind blew at his hair as it stiffened into sweat soaked spikes.

       “The Hive is with us all the time right? Mother must have her ears on. We just need to think about the same thing at the same time. Concentrate reeeeeaally hard on it.”

       “That’s ridiculous. That’s the best plan you could come up with? How _very_ scientific...”

        “Well it’s worth a freaking shot! Unless you’ve got a better plan? We can’t drift with Kaiju brains all the time. I mean…I think we might be working up some sort of immunity to them maybe? Or maybe the hive is learning to be quieter? Every time we do a drift like that we bounce back a little faster. But still… I don’t think…”

Hermann leaned back and rolled his eyes.

        “If it will get you to be quiet I will try it. But I will feel foolish in the process.”

        “Alright Herms!…let’s just…umm what should we try and tell her about first?”

Gottlieb considered, watched a fat grey cloud drift overhead. His cheeks and ears blistering pink in the cold.

         “…War.”

Newt frowned and raised his good eyebrow.

         “War? Come on herm…can’t we do something nice first? Talk about…I don’t know...birthday parties? …musical instruments maybe…”

       “No…she should know about war. I think she would like to know why you and I are out here. What we are involved in. She must be very confused about that….She has some recollection of her creators…she knows the Kaiju that came before killed creatures like us. But I don’t think she understands why.”

Newton slumped and bounced his leg up and down.

       “Yeah….yeah I guess your right…but we end it with something good …on some kind of positive note. How about a memory about hugging someone? That’s simple.”

        “Very Well.”

        “Right…glove off.”

Hermann slipped off a drift glove and lay it in his lap, holding his hand palm out for Newt to take. He marveled at the warmth of Newton’s skin and the sudden influx of strong sensation from the physical contact.

      “How do we do this? Just…think about how war is defined?”

Gottlieb laced long fingers through Newton’s, knitting them together. Newt gripped him firmly.    

      “No…that wouldn’t work. Do you recall the Ranger games?...When I sent you the images of the peppermint? You pieced the memories and feelings together to understand what I was telling you?”

           “Yeah…yeah! Ok I got yah just…”

           “Just think about every memory or bit of knowledge you associate with war and push it where you feel her….”

Newt took a deep breath, his ribcage pushing tight against the interior of this driftsuit. Steaming rising from his nose and mouth as he closed his eyes. Hermann did the same calming his thoughts and slowing his breathing. He concentrated on the hive and pushed toward the immense presence behind it.

He started very early, a memory of his fellow school children playing soldiers in the woods. Moving from there he recalled history lessons about revolts, revolutions and rebellions. Battles over tiny bits of land and wars over ideology, two sides in disagreement…using violence to declare a winner. Bombs…planes…soldiers. Blood and firearms…torture and nuclear explosions. He thought about the cold war and about holy wars…started at the crusades and worked his way to the Kaiju war…then to the present. The civil war and possibly world war Newton and himself had somehow gotten themselves involved in.  
The hive buzzed and churned…and somewhere behind the brothers there was a single note of sorrow. It was so intense Hermann felt tears streak down his face.

       “ _I’m sorry Mother I’m sorry humans can be like this...but those that made you were no better….you have to move past what they created you for…as I hope Newt and I can._ ”

Newton spoke out loud voice choked with emotion.

       “For god’s sake lets think about the fucking hug…this is terrible…”

Hermann switched gears and thought about his mother hugging him as a little boy. He recalled the safety he felt when he was held by her. The knowledge that nothing could harm him and that she would love him no matter what he did...or so he thought at the time. Newt leaned forward and pulled him close embracing him tightly. The hive calmed…the wind whistled in the silence they left behind. Hermann opened his eyes.

      “I…believe it worked Newton….”

Newton wiped at his eyes snuffling.

      “I almost lost my contact lens…”

 Hermann smiled and patted his back.

    “We best be going ….we have to get back and check in with Archer…”

Newt nodded and blinked a few times to make sure his contact hadn't slipped. 

    “Seriously dude…next time we’re doing birthday parties.”

They helped each other back to the Razor. Stumbling as they went, almost too tired to think. Deep in the hive and down in the fissure Mother contemplated war, love and the hawk soaring in the clouds. Inside Hermann’s chest she let out a long slow sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like Alert Canada, Hurricane Utah is based on a real place of the same name. The landscape where Newt and Hermann's unit is deployed is based on Zion National Park. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zion_National_Park and Billy the Brontosaurus is based on the famous Cabazon roadside dinosaurs http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabazon_Dinosaurs. I had to do alot of research for this chapter to set up a probable place for Fort Tempest to exist. Hopefully its convincing.
> 
> Also The Harpe brothers are Cajun if its hard to tell. Here are the translations of all the words Catfish uses in the chapter.  
> Couyon- pretty much a fool or an idiot  
> Mal Pris-Stuck in a crap situation  
> Podna- A close friend or partner. I think he would use this term particularly for drift-partners.  
> Capon- coward


	16. The Lawless West

   The little boy wandered down the dark hall confused…lost. This place had no end, no matter how far he walked it just went on and on. He couldn’t feel Newton. He couldn’t feel the chatter of the hive or the vast presence of Mother. He had not been alone for a very long time…now his friends were gone and the hallway had no end. Hermann hunkered down in a dusty corner touching the splintery old wood at his back, trying very hard to be brave. In the gloom of the hall he could make out a chain of people treading the dusty carpet. They were transparent…shadows of real people he could almost recognize, all walking in a sinister silent procession. Hermann reached out a tiny hand and tried to touch one of the indistinct figures as it passed.

     “Sir?...can you help me…I’m looking for someone…”

The ghostly silhouette stopped, the empty place where it’s face belonged looked down at him and turned slightly, cocked to the side as if listening. Hermann swallowed his tears and stood up tall as he could, pleading with the faceless apparition in his most polite adult voice.

      “I’m looking for Newton…he needs me very much…I have to find him! h-he could get in trouble if I’m not with him.”

The ghost continued to stare without eyes. The more it looked at him the more its face seemed to look like a Jaegers…not a person’s at all. It wasn’t missing its eyes…it was a mech…mech did not have eyes, not really. The people inside them did. The phantom Jaeger, which sometimes looked like Gipsy Danger and sometimes Crimson Typhoon reached out and beckoned Hermann to follow with a hand formed from brown smoke. Hermann followed fast as he was able. It was a struggle to move swiftly with the big cane and the ghost was gliding along very fast. It didn’t even slow down when it went through the door at the end of the endless hallway.

A heavy sense of unease built in Hermann’s stomach when he saw the black wood door. The door was a familiar thing he had tried very hard to bury inside. It was the entryway to his father’s study. Behind it the man would be waiting with that stern disappointed frown Hermann knew so well.

Hermann looked back and saw the hallway had disappeared, replaced by three damp metal walls. Each riveted surface covered with a large black logo…a blocky eagle with its wings spread wide, a star hanging above its sharp profile. He had nowhere else to go. He had to open the door. Reaching out shaking pale fingers he slowly turned the immaculately polished brass doorknob and stepped inside.

 The room was blood red and its left side filled with a floor to ceiling fish tank. He was inside a sushi restaurant in Helsinki that he had never visited at age eight but remembered perfectly nonetheless. The floor was awash with neon blue blood and he stepped back trying to avoid it. His cane was already being eaten away by acid…the soles of his shoes sizzling in a puddle of Blue.

At the long table in the center of the room several dark people sat. They turned to look at him with pale dead faces. Hermann knew them…in a strange fearful haze the little boy recognized every single one of them. He noticed Sean Patrick first. The Ranger was wearing the drift armor he had died in. The vessels in his eyes were so broken the whites were stained a rich crimson. Blood and vomit dripped from his nose and mouth, drying slick down the front of his suit. Two people with blue lips and white pupil-less eyes sat next to him. They were bloated, their bodies grey and waterlogged…the loose skin peeling away in several places. The pilots of the Cherno Alpha eyed him up and down in their usual quiet way. Sasha gave a wet gurgling cough, a gush of salt water spewing from her swollen lips.

Stacker Pentecost turned his face to look at the scared little boy his exposed skull glistened in the dim light. He shook his head and when he spoke his voice echoed…

     “You are such a disappointment….we all died for you…you are a traitor Dr. Gottlieb.”

Mrs. Melero glowed bright blue next to the Marshall, her skin burned and bubbling red in places. One of her eyes was gone and some of her teeth could be seen through her cheek. Her voice was the soft comforting voice he knew but the words she was saying were all wrong.

     “Why Cariño…why would you hurt us this way?...why did you do this to us?”

At the head of the table loomed Hermann’s father…or was it Major Barlowe? It was hard to tell. The fish tank was growing bigger with each passing second. Kotick swam in slow circles behind its red glass, trailing blood as he went. Hermann looked pleadingly from one face to the next, voice small and scared. He could only think to ask one question…the only important one.

     “Where is Newton?....”

Sean Patrick laughed first, blood running in streams from his eyes and ears. The Kaidonovskys were next. Throwing back their heads and laughing in that easy familiar way he remembered so vividly, water trickling between their rotten teeth. Soon the whole table was laughing like he had told some enormous joke. The man that could have been his father and could have been Barlowe took a step closer.

    “We invited him to dinner. He’ll be with us soon.”

Mrs. Melero smiled at the Marshall with the teeth of her ripped cheek as she poured him a cup of tea.

     “He’ll be with us soon.”

The Marshall took a sip of tea and looked down on Hermann with dark eyes. Blood trickled from his nose in thick syrupy droplets. Around the table and back in the shadows the voices of the dead whispered.

    “He’ll be with us soon...we’ve saved a place for him at the table.”

Hermann thrust his hands to his ears and sank down.

     “No!”

Sean Patrick spoke with his uncle’s voice, rough and coated with tar and nicotine.

    “Yer hurting now?…the hurts only gonna geh deeper.”

Kotick gave a muted roar and the voices grew louder. Blue began to eat through Hermann’s skin. The Barlowe-Lars shadow leaned down and wrenched a clawed hand deep into Hermann’s head, pushing his way through his skull…the talons sinking into soft brain tissue. The shadow shuffled through his thoughts and memories clumsily until the his sharp grip folded around the warm living light in the back of his mind that was Newton….and yanked. The pain moved through his entire being…if he believed in such things Gottlieb would have said the shadow man was ripping his soul apart. He screamed Newton’s name without realizing it…then something touched his shoulder, a voice murmured close to his ear.

 

     “Hermann…hey…hey buddy wake up. You are deep into nightmare territory…”

Gottlieb took a thin gasping breath as his eyes opened wide. Sweat rolled down his skin and it was impossible to catch his breath. Newton’s face hovered above him concerned, his bad eye only partway open. Newt’s profile caught the faint early morning light floating through the room’s only window.

     “That was one loud dream Herms…I think the hive felt that one. Shhh…its ok…”

Hermann grabbed at Newton violently, dragging him close as possible. He felt warm skin and the blood moving under it, felt the heat and questionable smell of Newton’s breath as he spoke in little gasps.

     “Holy shit…too tight!…squeezing too tight!”

Hermann gasped into his shoulder relieved, loosening his hold a bit.

     “Better….little better…You have one hell of a grip.”

Newt managed to pull an arm loose of the iron tight hug and lay it on the back of Hermann’s neck rubbing the pad of his thumb across his jaw. It took a long time for Hermann to come down off the sudden adrenaline rush and a bit longer to remember where he was. The uncomfortable bed they had been sharing in their Fort Tempest quarters. Hermann searched for his voice and finally found it under layers of confusion and sleep.

     “Do….we…morning patrol?”

    “Nuh-un…remember?…you’ve been hurting so bad we asked for the day off?”

He did remember. His painkillers had run out a week into their deployment. They were piloting Occam anywhere from seven to ten hours a day, training when they weren’t in the conn-pod….the physical strain was intense…and then the pills had run out. They infirmary did not have his prescription…would not for several weeks. Gottlieb was absolutely convinced the Tempest infirmary hated the Razor team with a blistering passion. Each of them seemed to take enough pills to fill an entire medicine cabinet.

    “Want the heating pad back on? Are you real bad right now?”

Hermann nodded distractedly and heard the little click of the plastic dial as Newt messed with the pad settings. The raw agony he had barely noticed in the left over nightmare haze flared, shooting little tendrils of pain through his spine and all the way up into his neck. He didn’t care...the pain didn’t mean anything right now. He grabbed for Newton again shifting his weight under the covers. The pre-dawn quiet was still and cold…it felt very good to be alive…very important.

     “Did I wake you up…”

Newton put an arm around him and pushed his head into Hermann’s neck, adjusting their slim pillows and drawing the small mound of blankets closer.

    “Well...It was so weird. I was dreaming about something stupid. Then I felt this weird…pull and heard your voice. Your voice was like…IN the dream. You were crying my name so I naturally started to walk right out of my teaching advanced molecular biology naked nightmare towards where I could hear you. Then I woke up. It was almost a shared dream but not quite.”

Hermann clung to him and realized he was shivering…how long had he been shivering? That was part of the reason Newton had turned on the heating pad no doubt.

     “Do you wanna…tell me what the dream was about?”

     “….Just a Kaiju attack...Trespasser I think.”

   He didn’t know exactly why he was lying. It just did not feel like something he could tell Newt. The dream had been about him. It had been all Hermann’s worst fears laid bare and screaming. His partner knew he was lying. Geiszler could read him easily as a strand of Kaiju DNA. Ever since they had begun the patrols the bond had become even stronger...frightening in its intensity. Emotions between them were near instantaneous. He found himself finishing Newton’s sentences and craving foods he had always detested. He began to miss Newt if they were separated more than twenty minutes at a time. Gottlieb had mistakenly thought they were truly _together_ before…he had been wrong. Being in each other’s heads for hours and hours at a time was a joyful thing. The best of all things, something that his damaged body couldn’t take away and his pedantic father would never understand. But he could now see the risk in it. Hermann understood Mrs. Melero’s guilt…her talk of addiction. Pon shakes…drift withdrawal…pilot death. How had Becket survived without his brother? How had Neta not just lain down and died when her mother did?

    He craned his neck to kiss Newton’s forehead, attempting to distract him from asking anymore questions about the dream. Newt reciprocated and their lips met somewhere in the middle. It was good. Sweet despite the fact Hermann was sure Newt hadn’t brushed his teeth the night before. They broke away and he pressed a hand to Newton’s chest, flattening his palm across the thin material of his band t-shirt. The last tension in Hermann eased when he felt the small rabbit-fast thump of Newton’s heart under his fingers. Concrete proof he was alive and solid.

     “…Wanna fool around a little?”

Newton asked this casually but Hermann knew it was a very serious question. Sex was something they had finally started to discuss while piloting. Or…more accurately he had been more open about it when Newton asked him questions. Once Archer had turned off the comm-link Occam felt like a safe place and most of their conversations were held internally where no one could eavesdrop. Hermann felt less paranoid away from Fortress and all his reservations about touch with Newton seemed asinine now... and yet. Lingering guilt and more than a little fear seemed to hold him back. Something was always holding him back.

     “No…I...I’m sorry Newton…I’m afraid I can only handle kissing at the moment.”

Newt’s disappointment was a swift kick to the guts but he didn’t let it show outwardly.

     “Alright…do I have permission to touch at least? You can touch me.”

     “I do not think there has been a time you would not let me touch you Newton…that has always been rather explicit…”

In Tempest they had experimented with heavy petting but nothing beyond it. Most of their make-out sessions ended with both of them too horny to think but Hermann could never go further in part because of the ungodly amount of pain he was in...and also because of the nagging voice always whispering in the back of his mind. Newton’s optimism over their tiny progress was disgusting.

     “You may touch but…nothing too taxing please. I’m sorry…I’m just hurting all over…”

That and he could still picture Marshall Pentecost’s split skull and Mrs. Melero’s melting face. It was enough to kill anyone’s libido.

    “Don’t apologize…I know you are…”

Newt pulled at the collar of Gottlieb’s pajamas. He kissed Hermann’s neck and collarbone and the sensations echoed as small colors in the back of his mind. Each touch a small burst of yellow and pink. The drift caused so many forms of synesthesia Herman wondered how much of it was completely rewiring the internal workings of his brain.

     “I am so fucking awake Hermann…”

    “Small wonder….we’ve been up early all week for patrol and ah…morning maneuvers…”

Newt was making a point to be gentle. He kissed Hermann’s throat and pressed his nose into his cheek.  Eventually Gottlieb gave in and kissed back, pushing his hand off his partner’s chest and into his tangled hair. He felt Newt nip at his lower lip then stop and give a snorty chuckle.

     “Dude….your breath….is terrible.”

    “Mmm so is yours…”

     “It smells like whatever the hell we had for dessert last night. I think it was supposed to be peach cobbler?”

Hermann smiled eyes half closed.

      “Is that what it was?”

Newton jostled him to get out of bed and his body screamed in pain at the sudden movement. Newt winced, pushing Hermann’s hair from his eyes and burbling something he probably thought was soothing.

     “We have to do something about this Herm...you can barely move.”

    “That’s not true…cold mornings are just more difficult…I’ll be better as the day goes on. In the drift I barely feel anything…I only have to be patient. The painkillers will be delivered to the fort eventually…”

Newt snorted irritably, clicking on a small desk lamp near the door. He looked around and found his MP3 player charging in its dock then clicked the light off again.

     “Bullshit…you shouldn’t have to suffer that long.”

He climbed back into the bed slowly, gingerly placing his legs near Hermann’s. His feet were already freezing from their brief contact with the concrete floor.

    “That’s it. I’m gonna do something. I’m going to go into Hurricane and find something to help you.”

Hermann jerked his head up so fast the resulting pang of pain made Newt’s muscles tighten.

    “No! absolutely not. We’ve been told time and time again it’s against base rules and PPDC policy for Rangers to set foot in a military neutral place like Hurricane.”

    “Yeah? What are they going to do? Fire me? Put me in the stocks?”

 Hermann gritted his teeth and tried to find his partners eyes in the dark.

    “It is a stupid risk.”

    “Everybody on the fucking base goes CONSTANTLY. Catfish goes at least three times a week and comes back stone-ass drunk. He does morning patrol hung-over all the time. I bet you even Blackburn goes.”

    “If Catfish piloted his Jaeger off a bridge would you do the same Newton?”

Newt blew a frustrated breath and flicked through the songs on his music player testily.

    “If it would help you I would make it tap dance off the damn bridge.”

They were both quiet, Hermann considered the idea through the ache in his bones…the hurt in his hip that radiated everywhere. The pain was distracting not just to him but Newton as well. Overcompensating Occam’s limp was taking longer and they had been late returning from Patrol at least six times. He could understand but…Hurricane was lawless. Just the thought of Newton wandering there alone made his chest tighten. Geiszler laughed and seemed to read Hermann's thoughts.

     “I get it. You’re worried about me getting shanked in a little tent-town. I’m glad you weren’t with me the night I went into Hong Kong to get the brain from Chau. This is nothing compared to that…”

     “I’ll come with you this time then. I should never have allowed you to go alone to Chau’s. I shall not make the mistake twice.”

    “I…alright. I kinda figured that’s what you would say...Now I just have to bribe the mechanic. We hop a supply truck at nine and get back to base by midnight.”

     “What?! How did you know who to…”

     “The twins.”

     “How did they know?…”

     “Because they’re the twins.”

     “Why not have THEM look for my medication then? I feel confident they would be eager to help...more than eager…ecstatic would be the better word.”

    “I’m not getting them in trouble Hermann. They’re already on thin ice with Blackburn for the scorpion in Harpe’s Drift Helmet. She has her eyes on them now.”

    “She never proved conclusively that was them.”

    “Everybody knows it was them.”

Hermann took a deep breath and held it long as he was able, letting the air out slowly.

    “Alright…alright we’ll go.”

Newt nodded and pushed against him cautiously in the dark, meshing his body tight against Hermann’s bony frame.

     “Got your ticket to the Dream Theater Herm?”

      “Yes…perhaps it will calm you down enough to sleep again…”

     “Mmhmm…you want to choose the song?”

     “Please…”

Hermann took the mp3 player into his hands and fiddled with it, searching through the extensive music library. Newt slipped an earbud into his partners’ ear and then his own, body vibrating with nervous energy. Gottlieb found one of his favorite classical pieces and selected it.

    “What’d ya pick.”   

    “One of the ones I uploaded for you ages ago… yet you probably have not had the sense to listen to. It’s called "Venus the Bringer of Peace", A lovely Gustav Holst piece from his composition _The Planets_.”

Newton laughed and draped an arm around Hermann pushing their foreheads together, bumping noses in the process. Hermann rubbed his hand back and forth down Newt’s arm under the covers.

     “Sounds very you.”

     “Hush…”

They had made the discovery accidently their second night in the uncomfortable bunk. Cranky, overtired and unable to sleep Newt had attempted to calm his nerves with music and shared the earphones with Hermann. What had resulted had never been undocumented in any drift literature that Gottlieb was aware of. It had been like a combination of drift and dream. Images appeared in his mind but they were not memories or things that had happened…they pictures ranged from abstract colors to ethereal scenes of animals, landscapes and people. All of them blurred and edgeless… like a damp watercolor painting.

It was like having a direct link to Newton’s imagination. And more astonishing was that Hermann could add to it. In his case it was mostly swirling geometric patterns. Curling sequences of numbers and strings of equations. They combined with the more organic pictures in Newton’s thoughts and formed a great whirling mass of beauty. A dreamscape that was sometimes ordered but mostly chaotic. At times it seemed to tell some sort of linear story other times it was just an intangible mix of color and music. But it was both of them…it was a waking shared dream…Possibly the first of its kind.

They had to be touching to do it, skin to skin. They had to be relaxing. It worked best when attempting to sleep and better still if the music they were listening to had no words. Newton called it “Dream Theater” and Hermann let the name stick for lack of a better term. The best part of the discovery was the hive’s reaction. They adored it. Even more than the regular lessons they had been teaching on their patrol breaks in the desert. The hive loved Dream Theater like a six year old loved Saturday morning cartoons.

   As the first strains of symphony rose through the headphones Hermann felt Newton’s breathing slow. The theater curtain rose and the images began. A dusky pink silhouette of a Kaiju swam through an ocean of stars. The spiral of a Fibonacci sequence rose up surrounded by planets on all sides. High above it all hung earth…looking very small and distant. Hermann smiled and his hand found Newton’s. The pain in his body faded into unimportance along with the terrible images from the nightmare. The music soared, the stars fell from the sky. Where they landed silver trees sprouted up in a pattern of repeating prime numbers. The hive trilled from some distant part of Hermann’s brain and he knew in a warm satisfied way that he wasn’t alone.

 

   Newton helped Hermann into the back of the cold truck. Handing him his cane and climbing in next to him. They were surrounded by empty boxes and rattling metal canisters ready to be filled with propane. The supply station sat on the very edge of Hurricane on the PPDC side of the border. For a simple bribe a driver would take passengers to the station, claiming they were making a pick-up. The driver would sit at the station a few hours, fill up a few fuel tanks then take their customer back to base. No questions asked.

Newt pushed close to Hermann his face hidden by a thick scarf and his ridiculous flapped hat. Hermann trembled under his layers. The closer it drew to November the colder the desert air grew. Someone else climbed in the back of the truck bed. Sitting down the figure turned startled when they noticed the two scientists. Hermann raised a gloved hand to wave but froze when he saw who it was. The younger Harpe brother stared at him eyes wide and cleared his throat a few times before his voice cracked out.

     “Coo-Wee…ain’t seen ya’ll on this trip before.”

Hermann glanced at Newt and shrugged feigning nonchalance.

     “We have business in Hurricane. As I’m sure you do.”

     “Yeah...errr. I don think we ever really met official like. …Ya’ll named Doc Gottlieb and Doc Geiszler right? I guess it better going by titles ...I don think I ever told what I go by. I’m Wiley. Wiley Harpe.”

Newt reached out a hand encased in a huge fuzzy mitten eagerly. His smile was hidden by his scarf but it was easy to see the twinkle of it in his eyes.

     “Call me Newt! Everybody should even if few people actually do. It’s weird we’re only just learning your name. We’ve only been on patrol together like a dozen times.”

Wiley looked noticeably relieved and shook Newton’s hand warmly. Hermann wasn’t as quick to forgive, he narrowed his eyes at the Harpe brother. He looked a bit like Catfish…the family resemblance was definitely there. They both had the same square jaw and dirty blonde hair. Wiley lacked the angry lines around his eyes, the haughty way Catfish carried himself.

     “No ‘fense to ya’ll buh…yeh ever actually been in Hurricane? What you there ta do exactly? Looking fo’ a drink?”

Newton laughed good-naturedly and shook his head somewhere beneath his too big hat.

     “Nah Hermann…the good doc over here, needs meds we can’t get on base. I’ve heard staff talk about how you can get anything in Kaiju-town if you look in the right place so I figured we’d be able to find it.”

Wiley looked from one to the other, his eyes gliding over Hermann’s cane and Newton’s compact frame. Hermann groaned inwardly. He was growing extremely tired of he and Newton being underestimated over and over again… it was getting old quite frankly.

     “Well I was jus gonna go in town an find myself a drink…maybe I ‘elp you boys out instead? We put our heads together we find some solution right quick yeah?”

Hermann rankled, curling his lip up into one of his best scowls. Wiley shrunk under his glare. The supply truck puttered to life and pulled forward down the dirt road.

     “If I can be honest Mr. Harpe I must tell you…I dislike your brother. I dislike your brother intensely. I find his demeanor, his attitude and his ignorance to be both off putting and disgusting. I don’t see why you would be interesting in helping us in any way….”

       “Cause I ain’t him!!”

Hermann fell silent and for a full minute no one spoke. The truck bounced roughly down the road, every rock and pebble sending sharp jarring pains through Hermann’s leg and back. He stared at the young man as he tugged unhappily at his coat pushing hair from his eyes. A puff of white steam rose from his nose as he let out a long sigh.

     “Jus cause I pilot with em don’ make me him… Merde”

Newt shook his head at Gottlieb frowning and a wave of feelings that amounted to _shame on you Hermann_ rolled like a heavy stone through the connection and into his stomach. Hermann’s cheeks burned and Newt elbowed him gently in the ribs until he leaned forward, offering his hand ruefully.

       “Yes…of course not. You are not your brother. My apologies…it is just …”

Wiley took his hand and shook it slowly.

       “I love my brother cause eh famille….don’t mean I like em or agree with em. Eh’s my Podna…buh tha don mean we like de Whateley twins…or you. We don geh on tha well outside tha drift.”

Newt nodded eyebrow furrowed. Hermann was still skeptical. After experiencing firsthand the level of closeness two pilot’s experienced in the drift he had a hard time imagining doing it with someone he didn’t care for. However, he had to admit there was nothing in drift compatibility guidelines that stated two pilots had to _like_ each other. It was just…assumed.

     “Why pilot at all if you don’t get on well with your co-pilot?”

Harpe shrugged and looked at the darkening landscape around them. Clouds loomed heavy overhead threatening inclement weather.

      “I’m a pilot. S’what I do. I’m good at eh. Micajah an I worked real ‘ard an got in da academy after army…family don ave much money an our stipend ‘elp em out heaps. Lotta damn reasons ya know? An we geh on well nuff when it all brains...”

He pointed to his head and looked from one to the other knowingly.

       “We equals in dere where is jus brains and light…buh…ain’t none your bidness…you want ‘elp finding your medicine or don’t ya?”

Newton nodded voice squeaking a bit as he watched the lights of Hurricane draw closer.

       “you have an idea where to start dude? I mean…”

       “We start an end at the Glasshouse. They gah mos’ _anyting_. You know the name of the stuff?”

Hermann didn’t like the way Wiley Harpe had stressed the word _anything_ but decided not to push what that meant exactly. This whole venture was turning out far shadier then he would have liked.

       “It is called Tramadol…it is a mild painkiller…I do not like heavier drugs and Tramadol suits me as it does not make me feel drowsy.”

        “Ok Doc G….whatever you say yeah?”

Newton laughed as the truck came to a stop at the supply station. Hopping down off the truck bed he reached out his arms to help Hermann to the ground.

         “Doc G? Haha I like that!”

Hermann would have corrected him angrily but he just stood trying to catch his breath, hand on Newton’s shoulder. It took him a moment to get his composure and work the knots in his body out enough to stand upright. He burrowed into his Rangers’ jacket and rubbed distractedly at his frozen nose. Wiley stood watching them, hands stuffed in his pockets. It was odd but Gottlieb thought he could see something like… envy on the young man’s face.

       “You wait right dere…I be righ back.”

The Ranger walked over to a storage shed and spoke with a man there nodding towards Hermann and Newt.

     <”Are we really going to trust him?”>

     <”I don’t see why not. I mean he hasn’t done anything to us…and honestly if he knows where to get your pills…I would rather have help then wander around blind.”>

Wiley raced back and offered them two old coats. They clearly belonged to workers at the station. Each was oil stained and smelled of wear and B.O.

     “You two is dumb as dirt you think it wise wearing Ranger gear into da city eh? Swap em out for dese an we swap back after.”

The cold was biting when Hermann took his jacket off and handed it to Wiley, Goosebumps erupting over his arms under his thick wool sweater. Newt’s teeth chattered and he pulled the overlarge coat around his stocky shoulders. Harpe lay the Razor jackets in the back of the supply truck and looked them over, nodding at his handiwork.

     “Eh. Yeh look alrigh…leastways nah like Rangers no more. Come on den…is cold as balls out ere…les go ta the Glasshouse see we get you wha you need. An fer gods sakes….try nah ta..stand out so much. Just blend natural yeah? Vite!”

Newt and Hermann walked side by side down a well worn path past some rusted propane tanks and towards the yellow pools of light that marked the edge of Hurricane’s tent-city. Wiley kept a few steps ahead of them. He was bowlegged and had an easy-going gait. Hermann had to admit that he was thoughtful enough to keep his pace slow. That was at least the start of getting back in his good graces. They came up between a trailer full of loud laughter and a drafty old building slapped together from cardboard and sheet metal. A handful of women wearing clothing much too skimpy for the weather were standing outside the slapdash structure. They catcalled towards the three of them as they passed. Wiley ducked his head embarrassed. The women seemed to know him immediately.

     “Eh! Look girls its Wiley Gator! Hey boy you come to visit us?”

      “I’m missing your Cajun-spice boy!”

Wiley gave a sheepish grin as the women’s laughter and innuendos trailed after them. Newton just smiled back and wiggled his good eyebrow suggestively. Hermann rolled his eyes. He had nothing to add but he could feel Newton’s laughter in his chest and it was making it difficult to keep a straight face. They wandered further down the dirt thoroughfare. Navigating a crowd of people gathered around a long line of food carts. It was full on into dusk now. Wiley stood with them on the corner of two rows of food booths looking around with a frown, attempting to get his bearings. The “roads”, if you could call the broad dirt paths through the camp any such thing, were lit by strings of ancient Christmas lights. The smells of greasy food cooking and humanity floated everywhere. Hermann watched a woman walk past with several squabbling children in tow and a deliveryman on a bike whizzed past the opposite direction. A group of drunken men were staggering back towards the shack where the dubious women waited. They lurched out of an ancient wheel-less motor home now converted into a makeshift bar. Hurricane was like a combination of one of the Wild West novels from Gottlieb’s youth and some post-apocalyptic movie from Newton’s rather extensive film library, a testament to survival and human ingenuity.

     “Dis way…we take the round bout way…”

Newt was attempting to look every direction at once. Trying to soak it up and process it. The Rangers passed an open fire pit over which a whole sheep was roasting. Taking a left at a pull-cart full of books and an aluminum shack where a man was fixing a pile of antique electronics. A holo-screen in front of his booth was playing an old football match for a group of noisy teenage boys. The crowds thinned and the buildings became more and more squalid. The cold was working its way into Hermann’s joints and he realized he was panting a bit with the effort of walking. He leaned on Newton for support when his cane didn’t feel like enough.

 Abruptly the strings of Christmas lights ended and they were surrounded by dark foreboding rows of broken-down cars. Most were some way through the process of being junked. Their skeletons stripped, the pieces set aside to be reused or rebuilt. Nothing wasted. At the end of the junkyard, half hidden by heaps of scrap stood an enormous battered greenhouse. Its glass panels were tinted but light could be seen inside. Wiley headed towards it gesturing them to follow.

    “Come on…we jus go in…someone bound to barter with us in dere. Free trade house…we find yer pills Doc G.”

Hermann stopped when he noticed what was standing behind the Glasshouse…the colossal shape of a UIS Jaeger. Newton followed his gaze and gasped jumping back, his hand gripping his partners arm. The stars shown down behind the still monstrosity and Wiley let out a chuckle.

     “Bruiser there is broke down. Eh don move from dat spot. No reason to ave a heart attack.”

The scientists hesitated, Gottlieb didn’t want to move for fear he might wake the Jaeger and bring it down on them. Wiley snorted impatiently rubbing his hands together and breathing into them. He muttered to himself in French and gestured impatiently.

     “Doc G…Newt…les GO.”

Hermann moved forward very slowly, unable to tear his eyes away from the mech. It felt so…familiar. He couldn’t put his finger on why. Newt tugged him and together they tailed Wiley Harpe into the warm interior of the Glasshouse.

   The place was one giant room full to bursting with noise and people. Among rows of tomato plants and seedlings people sat at plastic tables smoking and downing cheap liquor. Heat lamps hung high overhead and a series of metal crates were arranged at one end of the dirt floor in a sort of bar. It was the bar Wiley approached first. He chatted with the bartender, a one-eyed Indian man who cast a baleful glance at Newt and Hermann. He nodded as they drew close.

     “Yeah…I got Tramadol…how much do they need?”

Wiley cast a questioning look at Hermann.

     “…thirty pills would suit my needs until my regular provider is able to give me more…”

The man behind the counter went back into a watering shed and returned with a small plastic baggie of the familiar white meds.

    “Thousand bucks. Cash. Unless you have something worth trading.”

Gottlieb swallowed hard. Between them Newt and Hermann had three hundred dollars, all of it leftover from their Ranger Games winnings. Any paychecks from the PPDC were going into a checking account he had no idea how to access. He had less than two hundred fifty dollars left after bribing the supply truck driver…

   “I…how much will this get me?”

He held out the money and the man counted it eyebrow raised.

   “Three pills”

Hermann raised his voice so loud he squawked and his cheeks turned red.

     “That…is _outrageous_ price gouging and does not even make mathematical sense. You sir…are a _criminal_ of the worst degree.“

Wiley heaved a dramatic sigh and grabbed the full baggie away from the man behind the counter.

     “Put em on Micajah’s tab.”

The bartender raised an eyebrow at the Harpe brother unsure. He swallowed nervously.

    “Is he…a friend of Micajah?”

Wiley nodded.

    “Real good friend. Catfish be right sore ifn eh treated poor. Yeh know he always remembers slights to ‘is friends…”

The man behind the counter nodded and gave Hermann a forced smile as he wrote down the amount owed on a piece of paper.

    “A-any friend of Catfish has good credit here.”

Harpe nodded and handed Hermann the plastic bag of pills. He took them and offered Wiley a sincere smile of gratitude. They both stepped away from the counter and further into the smoky loud room. Hermann searched for the appropriate words…and was about to promise Wiley he would pay him back when he noticed Geiszler was not in within arms reach.

     “Where….Where did Newton go?”

Wiley blinked and looked around anxiously. Gottlieb scanned the card tables and a cluster of gamblers gathered around an ancient flat panel TV. He finally spotted Newt at a long black table having an animated discussion with an elderly Chinese man over some item in a cardboard box. The joy was as apparent on Newt’s face as it was in their connection. Hermann didn’t even have to hear what he was saying to know what the old man was selling.

    “I’m just saying that it would be a crime to grind up that nice bit of bone fragment…I mean look dude you can still see a chunk of cartilage on there …possible cat-2 metacarpal…if I had to guess… and that thing there? That’s mislabeled man that’s clearly a bit of liver and you got it marked as spleen.”

     “Newton!”

Hermann hissed between his teeth, stamping up to his partner.

     “Hey Herm!  I was just gonna go and help identify some Kaiju samples! The vendor told me if I can help him identify some stuff he just got in I can have this mucus he was just gonna throw away! Can you believe it?”

He could believe it….with unwavering certainty. He frowned and he hoped Geiszler could feel the irritation and worry he had inspired…just running off in this strange place. Newton gave him a despairing look.

     “Come on Hermann…I can’t say no to free Kaiju snot.”

Gottlieb huffed low, his hand tightening around his cane.

     “Alright FINE I won’t take the snot back to base…I just wanna see what he’s got ok? It might be something really good.”

 Hermann threw up his hands exasperated. If he had learned one thing from drifting and being with Newton Geiszler it was when to pick battles…this was not a battle he could win. Hermann turned to Wiley casting his eyes heavenward in search of patience before they both followed Newton and the small Chinese man out the back of the Glasshouse and into the junkyard. He felt real relief that Harpe was with them now. The old man seemed harmless but who could tell in this outlandish place. They traveled through rows of cars and piles of metal scrap. Hermann stopped suddenly…his eyes drawn to the interior of a large metal shed among the motor fragments. The hulking shapes of objects in the shed sent an odd impression of familiarity washing over him. Taking a step between two immense piles of corroded car frames, he looked back to see Harpe watching him curiously. Somewhere up ahead Newton was going on about the proper way to preserve stomach tissue.

     “Wiley…would you go with Newton? Make sure he is safe…I just spotted something I wish to take a closer look at…”

Wiley chewed on his cheek unhappily.

     “You sure doc?....eh seems alrigh...Ole Boneseller ain gonna hurt em none….”

     “I will meet you back at the Glasshouse…I just…I want to see if I am in fact going crazy….”

Wiley turned looking over his shoulder long as he was able. Hermann waved him off walked into the maze of metal towards the glint of grey-green he had seen under a tarp in the shed. Reaching down with the top of his cane he ripped the tarp away and revealed the immense hand of a Jaeger. Looking at it brought on a sharp painful tinge of recognition.

     “Coyote…You aren’t supposed to be here…you’re supposed to be in Oblivion bay….”

Leaning down painfully on one knee Hermann reached out a gloved hand to touch one of Coyote Tango’s fingers reverently. Stroking the cold metal skin and running his palm over the chipped paint of an enormous knuckle joint. Next to Tango’s hand he could see bits of other Jaegers he knew intimately. Most were pieces of mach-1 and mach-2 Jaegers he had spent a good chunk of his life coding. There was the hip structure from the Eden Assassin…the colossal sphere of the Solar Prophets left knee joint. He struggled to pull the tarp back further walking underneath it to get a closer look, greeting each piece as an old friend. How dare they be here…in this place…they had fought and earned their rest in Oakland, they were memorials to the dead. The grave markers of great Rangers.

They were going to smuggle the pieces to Salt Lake City. That’s why the UIS Jaeger he had seen looked so familiar. They were nothing more than pieced together abominations, stitched together like Frankenstein’s monster. The United Interior State’s so called Jaeger program was literally standing on the shoulders of giants. Hermann felt his blood boil hot, color rising in his cheeks. His heart started to pound uncomfortably fast and his chest tightened.

Blackburn spoke of smuggling and plutonium…did they know this was happening as well? If so why was Oblivion Bay not being guarded well enough to prevent it? Hermann struggled to pull the tarp back over the exposed parts and snorted angrily. Finding his way back to the Glasshouse he scanned about. He had an idea that the rational part of him knew was paramount to suicide but the emotional half of him…the half that seemed to slowly be taking over ever since his connection with Newt had consumed him, did not even think twice. Scanning the interior his gaze settled on a group of rough looking men playing cards. Approaching on a hunch and ignoring the questing concerned prods from Newton at the back of his mind, he boldly sat down next to a man smoking a cigar and spoke to him as if they knew each other. His guess had been good…he could tell they were junkers by the state of their jumpsuits and the oil smeared on skin and hair.

     “I am interested in purchasing the pieces of the Tango. Could you possibly help me?”

The men all blinked at him giving each other bewildered looks.

     “And…who are you?”

Good they didn’t recognize him as a Ranger. They hadn’t seen his interviews in Helsinki…or if they did they didn’t remember him.  His cane and accent probably helped his cover. He cast a glance over towards the one-eyed bartender. They hadn’t seen them speaking…also good. If they knew he had come in with Wiley Harpe…

    “A wealthy private collector very interested in expanding his collection.”

They stared at him putting down cards and drinks and finally one spoke. His voice a low whisper and not the least bit friendly.

     “All the parts are going across the border…they’ve already been sold…”

Hermann shook his head.

     “Unfortunate…perhaps I could speak to the buyer then…when will they be picking up the items?”

They men whispered to each other and Hermann worked hard to keep his face blank. Newton was getting more frantic now…probably finally worried enough to tear himself away from the Kaiju mess he was engrossed in. The hive raised its collective head slightly at the sudden shift from both of them...almost as if a dozen monsters were tensing collective muscles and waiting.

 There was more dithering and stares from the men at the table.

      “I ask again…who are you? How do we know you even got the scratch for something like Tango?”

Hermann made as if to stand, trying to keep his legs from shaking. Willing himself upward in one smooth movement. He had to keep up the bluff. Gottlieb knew this was foolish. This was an impulsive thing Newton or Sonia would do.

      “You aren’t the current owners…you probably work for him. Perhaps I’ll find him and tell him how rudely I’ve been treated…”

He made it two steps away before the man with the cigar stood and put a hand on his shoulder.

     “Look man. That’s UIS Trade. You’re a collector you know how desperate they are for Oblivion Merch. It goes over the border at the end of the month by the Fire Cliff road…you wanna contact somebody about it you gotta cross over…we’re just the movers. We never see who brings in the stuff…nobody does.”

Hermann nodded seriously and regarded them all coldly.

     “Thank you for your time gentlemen…”

Five steps from the front door of the Glasshouse and round a corner Newton practically jumped Gottlieb grasping at his coat and shaking him by the shoulders.

      “What happened? You alright?? Did somebody bother you?”

      “I…no…Where is Harpe?”  
Newton looked around to make sure nobody was watching before pressing Hermann into a quick hug and letting him go, slapping his shoulder unhappily.

      “He was behind me somewhere…see? There he is….Something told me not to go in…you I guess…what did you do?”

       “Nothing. Nothing important….I want to go home.”

       “Yeah…yeah ok…just…Wiley came to get a drink. He helped us out we should do the courteous thing and get a drink right?”

Hermann watched Harpe walk up to them. Walking was a poor choice of words….Wiley ambled more then he actually walked. The pilot always seemed to be in no particular hurry no matter where he was going. The complete opposite of the frantic birdlike way Newton hopped from place to place.

     “Very well….As long as it isn’t here. I do not feel comfortable going back into Glasshouse…in fact we should go far from it as possible.”

Hermann realized his hands were shaking and stuffed them into his pockets. He felt the baggy full of pills bump against his palm. It would be good to take one…ease the hurt.

     “Did the man have anything interesting?”

     “Eh Mostly bone fragments. Best thing he had was a hunk of preserved tongue. Probably a cat-3…I did tell him how to detoxify his blood samples though. Having some Blue just …sitting there around these people is a really shitty idea.”

      “That is quite possibly why it is highly illegal.”

Wiley looked from one to the other as they bantered back and forth and smiled. He had chipped tooth Hermann hadn’t noticed before…probably he was well versed at hiding it.

     “You two are something else. Don know wha…buh its something else.”

The Ranger walked away from them back into the dark. Hermann followed slowly Geiszler close to his hip. He looked up at the frozen Jaeger above the Glasshouse. Bruiser....if that was the official name for the thing…had a chest plate and a shoulder pivot from Romeo Blue. He could see it now. They had been sanded, re-shaped and re-painted…but even in the dark…he could see them. He swallowed thickly, smothering a wave of nausea. Romeo, the original war hero…arguably one of the greatest Jaeger to ever fight in the Kaiju war... They were using him to hurt people. It was unthinkable. Newt stopped dead in his tracks and put an arm around Hermann’s chest to steady him. Ground him back down to earth.

     <”Herms?…what is it? come on….lets go talk about it somewhere warm.”>

Hermann pushed past him hobbling to catch up with Wiley. Falling in step with the Ranger he grasped his shoulder and spoke in a quaking angry voice.

     “Mr. Harpe…have you ever heard of a place called Fire Cliff?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are lots of dreams in this story. They usually either predict the future or hint at the past. This one does a bit of both and I hope it comes off as creepy as I wanted it to.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKvG0RU4_fI - This is the piece the boys are listening to during the Dream Theater. 
> 
> Wiley Cajun Translation corner-
> 
> Coo-Wee- Wow! A general thing to say when surprised.  
> Merde!-Shit!  
> Famille- Family  
> Podna- Very close friend references a drift partner.  
> Vite!- Hurry up!


	17. Look all Ye Mighty and Despair

“ _Basketball._ ”

Hermann thought this to the soft continual thrum of the hive in his head. When they had first started communications he wouldn't have been able to reach them as easily without Newt’s touch amplifying the signal. But now the connection had become much stronger and easier to tap into. Speaking to the kaiju had become a sort of reflex...a comforting habit. Whenever he experienced something he thought the hive or Mother would appreciate he gave a small internal lecture about it.

    “ _Basketball…like all sports is truly a game of mathematics_.”

He paused to reflect on this. He and Newton’s education of the hive was beginning to feel…bias. They were teaching them from only two points of view. No matter how different they’re perspectives (and backgrounds for that matter) they were both scientists with a limited knowledge of certain subject matter. Hermann could go on about the nature of the Robins lemma or Raikov’s theorem of probability but he was not very good at explaining the purpose of poetry…concepts like art or opera. He appreciated these things but he couldn’t explain them as eloquently as he could mathematics’ and physics. Newton was better at things like that yes….but his tastes ran to the…eccentric. It was a shame the Kaiju’s circle of human influence wasn’t wider.

     “ _The game is played with a ball approximately 9.4 inches in diameter on a field 50 ft in length….the hoop itself is 18 inches in diameter…the goal of the game is to get the ball into aforementioned hoop…Shooting the ball involves three factors…angle, force and arm position. To achieve sufficient trajectory…”_

The twins passed the bright orange ball back and forth over Newt’s head. Taking advantage of his size and sending him scattering from one side of the dirt basketball court to the other. Hermann leaned his chin on the top of his cane and smiled to himself. He was perched on the toe of the Siren Carpathia’s left foot, enjoying the chilly winter sunshine. The Twin’s mech towered over the game, staring into the distance several stories above them. The basketball hoops were close to the Jaeger Hangar and for the moment the Siren was patiently waiting to be levered back down onto a truck bed and put into its dock. The twins had taken care of morning patrol for the day. Sonia dribbled the ball and leapt for a worn metal hoop.

     “Whateley goes for the dunk…and she is going… going… OH! SHE MAKES IT IN! THE CROWD GOES WILD. TEAM WOODCHUCK IS DEVASTATED.”

Newt panted and leaned over to catch his breath, hands on his knees.

     “I never agreed to the name team woodchuck…and it’s totally not fair! The other half of my team isn’t even on the court!”

Howard slapped Newton’s back and caught the ball when Sonia threw it to him.

      “Woodchucks don’t complain it’ just not the woodchuck way.”

Sonia jogged over grinning, her breath rising up in soft puffs of white smoke.

       “The woodchuck way is mostly, you know…chucking wood.”

Newt stood with his hands on his hips stretching his back. Sweat ringed the collar of his t-shirt, the wind tugging at the baggy legs of his sweatpants. One of the side effects of constant training and piloting was that Hermann and Newton had somehow gotten into better shape than they had ever been in. Both of them sported genuine muscles and their endurance had improved dramatically. This is what happened when you didn’t live a sedentary lifestyle in a lab Hermann thought. When you kept better hours and didn’t live on caffeine and late nights. Sonia pointed over to where Hermann sat and did her best to sound insulted.

     “We should really be jealous of _you_ Newt. I mean you have the world’s prettiest cheerleader rooting for you from the sidelines.”

Howard shook his head sadly and gave a long melodramatic sigh.

      “Who is cheering for team super-gazelle? Who I ask you? No one…not a single soul.”

Newt pursed his lips and lunged bouncing the ball out of Howard’s hands. He dribbled fast as he could pell-mell for his basket and shot badly. The ball bounced off the side of the headboard and right back into Sonia’s outstretched hands.

       “Aww!…Aww come ON.”’

Hermann leaned back against the Siren and sent more memories of basketball towards the soothing drone of the hive. His sister Karla had played the game all through secondary school. He had many memories of attending her games, cheering for her. He recalled the Wei brother’s impromptu Shatterdome tournaments with a pang of melancholy.

    “ _Basketball…is also a game of memories apparently…_ ”

Sonia smirked at Hermann and spun the ball on one finger before tossing it up to him.

     “Come on Doc. How about a couple of free throws? Team woodchuck really needs somebody with a bit of height.”

     “…And class.”

     “…Oh and skill! Did we mention skill?”

Newton made a noise of protest but Gottlieb just smiled and slid carefully down to the ground.

He felt indescribably better with the help of his ill-gotten painkillers. Pain was terrible when you could do nothing to manage it. He felt lighter…like a person again. Propping his cane meticulously against the Siren’s heel, Hermann removed his ranger’s jacket and limped towards the court enjoying the frosty air on his exposed skin.

     “Any day now Air Jordan!”

     “We ain’t getting any younger Mr. Chamberlain!”

Hermann raised an eyebrow and dribbled the ball casually up to the free throw line. Then, much to the twin’s surprise, he took several steps back until he was at half court. Just behind the center line. Eyeing up the hoop he took a deep breath, did some quick estimates in his head and carelessly flicked the ball upward. There was a satisfying swish as it flew through the net. Newt whooped and shoved Sonia with a shoulder.

     “Whhaaaaaat? Team Woodchuck makes a startling comeback!”

The twins both stared at Hermann open mouthed and he just shrugged, staggering over to put an arm around Newton’s sweaty shoulders. He felt a tinge of déjà vu, recalling the pool table in the Blind Kaiju. That whole date seemed like something that had happened years ago…not months.

The Whateleys both squinted and scrunched their noses up folding their arms. The ball rolled to a stop in front of Sonia and she leaned down to pick it up, eyeing Hermann suspiciously.

     “You got lucky. Ten bucks says you can’t do it again.”

     “Twenty bucks for a full court shot.”

Gottlieb beamed and held his hands out for the ball. As soon as he felt the pebbled surface under his fingers Balor Flood’s voice reached them, floating from the direction of the hangar.

     “Oy! Inkstain! Gimpy! C’mere! Need ta have a chat with yah!”

Newton tensed and took a step back. He still hadn’t …hadn’t what? Forgiven Balor? Come to terms with Balor? It was hard to say. He didn’t actively hate the man but Hermann knew that just seeing him made Geiszler think of Sean Patrick and thinking about Sean Patrick hurt. No amount of time seemed to heal that wound. They saw Balor Flood almost every day and yet the sound of his voice still made his partner’s pulse jump, gave him a stomach-full of greasy guilt. They k-sci rangers headed toward the hangar, Hermann pausing slightly after a few steps. He was still holding the ball and taking aim he threw it over his shoulder back towards the distant court. The clang noise it made as it hit the rim and sank gracefully through the hoop was sweet music. The twins spluttered in disbelief the entire time it took him to collect his cane and jacket.

 

Taking a long drag on his cigarette Balor blew a smoke ring their direction. Hermann had barely pulled his jacket back on before the first accusation rolled off Flood’s tongue.

     “You two go off base?”

Newton stumbled over a lie but Hermann saw no point. He leaned on his cane and nodded.

     “Yes sir.”

     “Did ya make tha anonymous report tae Blackburn? Bout smugglers at Fire cliff? An the Oblivion Bay Jaeger parts? Eh?”

Hermann looked at Newt and put a solid hand on his shoulder as he started to shake slightly, head lowered to the ground like a guilty little boys. If it was anyone else berating them Newt would never have stayed so quiet.

    “We felt it was important for the PPDC to know.  We did not wish to suffer punishment for going to Hurricane however. We had good reasons…”

Balor waved this off and scratched absently at his nose.

     “Nah…I don care if yeh took a weekend trip ta Vegas with a bus fulla strippers. I jus think tha what yeh saw should be taken more serious like…”

Newt relaxed slightly.

     “How did you know that we were the ones who…”

The engineer rolled his eyes and poked his cigarette at Hermann accusingly.

    “Next time don ave em do the writing. I mean…”contemptible insufficiency?” ”Reprehensible conduct?” Who the hell else would eh be? Any mechanic I know ere wouldn’ be able to write tha with a dictionary. English isn’ the Strife girl’s first language an sometimes I doubt the Harpe brothers know how ta write ah all…an the twins? Please. Now whose tha leave? Blackburn may be an idiot buh I ain’t. Yeh are mah pilots after all. Yeh should ave jus come tae me in the first place.”

Newton elbowed Hermann lightly in the stomach.

     “I told you I should have written it.”

     “And I would have let you if anyone could read what you claim to be handwriting.”

Balor let smoke float out his nostrils dragon-like and watched the mechanics come out to lower the Carpathia onto its back. His blue eyes were dim…faraway in thought.

     “Mmm..’Ermann…”

Hermann started a bit. In all their hours training and working with Balor he had never heard the man actually call him by his name.

     “Yes…yes sir?”

    “In yer report. Yeh said they ‘ad parts ah the Tango…and they had already used parts of tha Romeo yeh?”

     “Yes…Bruiser…the Jaeger that had broken down…it had parts of Romeo in its construction.”   

     “Then this has been…appening fer a long time. Before the war were officially goin on…they been…workin on those Jaeger fer months...nae, even longer. They been building Jaegers outta old parts before there were even a border before the world even knew there was a Jaeger program...makes no damn sense.”

Newton actually pressed closer to Balor curiosity moving through him. Hermann was well acquainted with the familiar rush of the distinctly golden feeling. Newt was naturally curious about everything.

     “They didn’t take our report seriously sir?...you think there’s a reason why? Harpe was with us…he would totally back up our story…Well kind of. He doesn’t know the parts like Hermann does but…If they don’t believe us we could always patrol there ourselves.”

Balor snapped out of his own thoughts and turned to look at them eyes narrowed. He took a last drag off his cigarette and flicked the butt away.

     “Don go near Fire Cliff. Leh the bigger mechs take care ah this. Yeh two only gah small weapons and yer only small pilots…understood?”

Gottlieb frowned wondering if he should take offense at “small pilots” but recognized Balor’s backward attempt at concern. Newt just bit his lip and nodded confusion rippling from his chest and bouncing around inside Hermann’s skull. They both spoke in unison.’

     “Yes sir. We understand.”

     “Good lads. Go geh lunch…yeh gah night patrol today yeah? I don envy yeh that. It’s gonna be cold as the devil’s arsehole tonight. Satellites say snow.”

Hermann nodded. The mechanics were already dragging Occam out for prep. It didn’t matter how many times he saw the Jaeger. He always felt like a little boy seeing a plane fly for the first time when he caught sight of his mech. Occam was magic. He and Newt’s magic.

     “Thank you sir. If you…if you need someone to speak directly to the officers about our report…I will. Even if I receive some sort of punishment for breaking the rules about Hurricane.”

     “Me too!”

Newt squeaked this out but had a smile on his face all the same. Balor looked from one to the other and rubbed the back of his neck, shaking his head. He cleared his throat a few times before finally giving up and walking towards Occam’s maintenance crew.

    “Geh outta here ya bloody twinks…”

Gottlieb watched him go and reached down to pick up his cigarette butt, determined to put it in the garbage where it belonged. He limped towards the commissary building and Newt fell in step with him.

     “<…..You know…I know he gave you that cane.>”

Hermann turned his head sharply surprised.

     “<Oh? How did you find that out?>”

    “<I saw it. I passed through the memory when we drifted with Kotick’s brain. I wasn’t there long, I was looking for you but… I saw he was in your room and he was completely plastered. All sloppy and sad…I got the gist of what he said to you.>”

Newt wiped a bead of cold sweat from his hairline and jammed his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

     “<I ruined his life. He’s like that because of me you know.>”

They walked in silence, the sky slowly turning a slate grey above them. The day had started out so lovely but already Hermann could smell frost on the air. See the curling shapes of storm clouds on the horizon.

     “<No. he ruined his own life. I speak from experience and I know that nobody can do that to you. It’s only something you do to yourself. He lost his nephew and let himself fall. Neta lost her mother and is trying to push herself back up. Raleigh Becket lost his brother and went astray for awhile…but he let others in eventually. Let Miss Mori in. I lost people I loved. But I was the one that pushed them away…because of that I came very close to…to something foolish. No Newton. Anything we do…we do to ourselves.>”

Newt stopped walking and looked up at Hermann mournfully. The sudden sadness in him was unbearable and Hermann wanted to reach out and hold him very badly. Instead he watched the twins in the distance, playing a perfectly coordinated two-person basketball game.

     “<And even if you did ruin his life Newton. You saved mine…does that even the score?>”

Newt smiled weakly, the burden in his chest lifted a little.

     “You’re the math guy. You tell me how averages work. I’m just the re-animator.”

     “…I’ve never understood that nickname.”

Newton put an arm around Hermann’s back and leaned on him. Newt was always so warm. They started to walk again. The smell of overcooked food wafted through the bitter air.

      “That’s because you’ve got terrible taste in movies buddy…I’ll just have to start showing you the good stuff…get you up to speed on the horror genre.”

Hermann tossed Balor’s cigarette butt into a small garbage can as they passed it. Newt grinned opening the door to the mess hall for his partner.

        “Another three points for Team Woodchuck.”

 

    Night Patrol was Hermann’s least favorite shift. Day was preferable and morning his first choice. The desert was foreboding and somehow more intimidating in the dark. At times it was so murky it felt as if Occam was doing what he was originally designed to do…walk in slow lumbering steps along the bottom of a black ocean. They had two blazing headlamps and used them off and on as they walked, searching the ground for bits of broken fence and indications of tracks in the sand. The only perk of night patrol were the stars. When the sky deigned to cooperate and the clouds cleared the night could be friendly and full of diamonds. The only downside to this was sometimes Hermann would get distracted. He and Newt would just stand there, turning the Razors head up to the countless little lights blinking above them. The Milky Way spread like a silk ribbon across black velvet and the constellations whispered their old stories in Hermann’s memory. The hive had been given multiple lessons about stars during night patrol.

 There had even been an evening he and Newt had spent idle hours arguing about what the stars in the Anteverse looked like. If they had stars were they the stars of a different dimension? Or were they just viewing stars in another part of a shared universe? They had never reached a consensus and that was fine. Some things were better left unknown.

 Newt felt nervous tonight. It was unlike him to feel that way going into a drift and his anxiety ruffled Hermann. There was tightness to his thoughts that showed in the lines of his face, even the damaged side.

     “Newton…what’s bothering you?”

Newt turned his helmet towards Hermann’s voice, the heads up display to his left sent echoes of red light over his features. He switched to German and Gottlieb knew whatever it was …it was something he didn’t want to risk Archer hearing.

     “<It was a message I got from Koosh. An e-mail. I read it right before we suited up.>”

     “<Ah…something amiss at Fortress? The tapeworm pining for you?>”

Newt gave him a lopsided smile at that but it faded quickly. He stared into the distance and his mind began to flip frantically from place to place, thoughts racing too quick for Gottlieb to follow. It seemed to outpace even the drift, causing a strange stuttering feeling, as if the neural link was attempting to buffer. It put a prickly uncomfortable weight on Hermann’s brain and Archer’s voice hissed over the comm-link concerned.

     “Hey guys you’re going off-synch a bit. Everything ok?”

Hermann reached out and clipped on his comm to answer, keeping his voice light as possible.

     “Yes apologies Harry…We’re ready for our break I think…We haven’t had night patrol in awhile…I believe its throwing us off.”

     “Alright…you guys parked? Should I power you down?”

     “Almost… give us ten minutes please.”

Occam was heading towards a rock structure they Rangers commonly called “the bookshelf.” It was a square outcropping on the side of a larger mountain face. Several sharp pieces of rectangular rock sat atop it giving it the appearance of a rock shelf holding up books of red stone. Like the top of dragon rock the bookshelf was a ranger stopping point. Each route had its own pit stop area and they were currently deep into zone D, one of the easiest places to cover in Hermann’s opinion. Guiding Occam under the shelf they slipped hands from the controls and locked the Jaeger down. Archer released them from the drift, the couplings hissing slightly as they came undone.

     “Thank you Harry. Talk to you in a half hour.”

      “Will do!”

Hermann flipped off the comm-link and shook his head, blinking a few times to get the last remnants of the drift out of his head. He pulled off his helmet and pushed damp hair from his forehead. Newt leaned back and hit the release button on his dock casing.  Dropping away from the supports he pulled off his own helmet and climbed down to help Hermann with his brace. This was their ritual… helmets, couplings and Hermann’s brace. Newt put his hand under Hermann’s elbow and handed him his cane.

     “<What did Deghari’s e-mail say Newton?>

Newt bit his bottom lip, chewing it worriedly. 

     “<He said some armed dudes he didn’t recognize came into our lab and shuffled everything around… they took pictures of things…Kotick’s brain, your chalkboards…He was in there reading next to Spinoza’s tank and they didn’t notice him…”>

Gottlieb found his footing on the strip of catwalk surrounding the pedals that descended into Occam’s neck. There was a small room-like cavity at the back of the Razor’s conn-pod where he and Newt would spend their breaks if the weather was bad. Hermann sat there now surrounded on all sides by maintenance panels, his feet dangling over the bridge. After disconnecting from the drift his body and spinal clamp vibrated with the ghosts of it. It gave Hermann a head rush and he sometimes needed to just sit still for a few minutes…come back to himself.

     “<Well…there is nothing for them to find. We wrote down nothing about the hive or Mother…I am just glad Mr. Deghari is keeping a watchful eye over the lab in our absence...>”

     “<Yeah but…it just scares me you know?...In the old days we never had armed goons shifting through our desks looking for secrets…hell we never kept secrets in the first place!>”

Newton’s breathing became shallower and his pulse spiked, sending little shockwaves of anxiety into Gottlieb’s body. Hermann pulled off a glove and reached out a hand to Newt. He stroked the back of his neck soothingly. Hoping to distract his racing thoughts from entering a stress loop…steer him tactfully away from a panic attack.

     “<We’ve done everything they’ve asked of us. We’ve submitted our weekly reports to Barlowe…the hive is safe…we’re safe.>”

Hermann leaned close and pressed their lips together, his tongue exploring the inside of Geiszler’s mouth…although it wasn’t really uncharted territory at this point. During Hermann’s first attempt at French kissing Newton had joked he was trying to assassinate him with his tongue. Fortunately he was a quick study. Newt returned his kiss enthusiastically. He reached back and tried to loosen Hermann’s chest plate breaking the kiss as he did. He fumbled with a clasp and swore under his breath.

      “<This is worse than unhooking a bra dude…how about a little help.>

Hermann grinned, it was always easier to take off your own armor for some reason. He felt eager hands push against his circuitry suit and the drift scrubs underneath when he detached the front of his armor. Newt was going right for the fastenings under his ribs, grappling with the belt of what could only be politely called his cod-piece, the Drivesuit around his hips and crotch. Electric impulses still hummed through the metal studs in his circuitry suit and seemed to heighten every touch. The inside of Occam was turning cold now that most of it had been powered down. He could see his breath rising into the dim light.

     “<I don’t know if it’s wise to take the circuitry suit off…the layers…>”

Newt sighed heavily and kissed his jaw.

   “<Yeah…yeah I guess not…I just…>

Completely ignoring Hermann’s warning, Newton pushed his hand down in between the collar of his circuitry suit and his skin trying to peel the thing back. He slipped his other hand around Gottlieb’s ribs and ran a finger over the conducting metal on his spinal clamp. The shock of it caused a jolt that rocked Hermann’s entire nervous system. He gasped, every muscle tensing at once.

    “<AH! …Newton it’s still live! That felt…>”

   “<Really good? I bet it did…I bet I can get you off just messing around with your spine it’s so sensitive…wanna give it a shot?>

Hermann flushed red and took a slow breath.

  “<That sounds like a horrible misuse of PPDC equipment…not to mention improbable.>

Newt slipped off the front chest plate of his own suit. Hermann couldn’t stop his fingers from straying over the metal work underneath, tracing the geometric patterns covering Newton’s body.

    “<A nerve ending is a nerve ending…it’s all just your brain doing the work anyway…>

Newton ran his fingers from the top of the spinal clamp to the bottom and the rush was amazing. It was an endorphin high that fizzled through Hermann’s stomach and chest. Newt caught his lips and kissed him deep stroking the metal vertebrae in the clamp cradle, fingers playing his backbone like a keyboard. His other hand gripped the back of Hermann’s neck, running nails lightly over his scalp. Gottlieb murmured breathless against his lips and found his own hands clinging to Newton’s sides as he arched back. He pressed his chest close to Geiszler’s, his brain bursting with ghost-drift fireworks. He saw flashes of half remembered one night-stands from Newt’s time with his band…his own brief encounters with a very patient Vanessa. The Drivesuit was starting to feel uncomfortably tight. Hermann pushed Newt away gently his face and ears bright pink.

     “<Lets….lets pick this up when we have more time and we’re not wearing millions of dollars worth of neural enhancers Newton…shall we? Harry will probably notice something off with our brain activity...>”

The color drained from their connection. The bright warm colors that Hermann had come to associate with arousal dimmed as Newt nodded dejectedly.

     “<Alright…it will look a bit weird with our nuclei accumbens all lit up like  Christmas trees…but I’m getting an official rain check on this one ok? I mean that was….what…What the hell is that?>

The alarm was unsettling in that it was completely soundless. It was nothing more than a light flashing alternate bulbs of red and blue. Hermann and Newt stared at it confused. It had never flashed before…it was a completely alien creature. Untangling themselves Newt started to pick up the bits of suit he had shed, his eyes wide.

     “Shit… I think that’s our proximity alarm…That means there’s something big enough to trip Occam’s sensors...and its close.”

Hermann pushed himself unsteadily to his feet. He rushed to help Newton tug his chest plate back on, attaching it to his shoulder pads and back piece.

    “It’s probably nothing, an animal perhaps…we should notify Archer and plug back in…Investigate.” 

The neural bridge took longer than usual to link them together once Archer had reconnected it. Neither could relax enough to let the drift wash over them. The alarm would not stop flashing and the world outside Occam’s faceplate was dark as pitch. Not even the moon could be seen through the clouds. Snow was starting to fall. It was a crackly dry snow that stuck to the Razors metal hull, forming a crust of white frost around his joints. Harry was doing his best to sound chipper, his voice cool and smooth as he gave them instructions.

     “Guys…Blackburn is here and Balor is coming. I’ve notified the Damascus and they are coming to back you up right now. You need to observe but no physical confrontation if you can help it… You need to go in without lights. If it was people that set off the alarm it would be best if you saw them before they saw you…alright?”

Newt swallowed hard. His armor was slightly askew and Hermann worried he hadn’t buckled it back on correctly. They had been in a hurry.

     “Ok Harry…we hear you…umm…we’ll get back to you the minute we see anything…over.”

 Occam took a few cautious steps into the desert. The proximity alarm was still flashing over their heads. Archer hadn’t bothered to turn it off.

There were people on the border. They spotted them the minute they were away from the bookshelf. A crowd of people were rushing back and forth with tools in hand, working to dismember a part of the boundary fence. On either side of the border large flatbed trucks idled. The ones on the UIS side were noticeably empty…but the ones on the USA side…

     “Newton…I see Jaeger parts…but I don’t think they are the same pieces I saw in the junkyard…I-I believe that’s a piece of the Diablo….arm and shoulder. Are these the same men…They lied about Fire cliff!”

Newt cringed a bit at the anger and frustration in his partner’s voice. Flinched as it seeped into the drift and the hive stirred.

     “They’re smugglers Herm. Of course they lied…but for all we know these are completely different dudes...the patrol times changed tonight right?…maybe they didn’t get the memo…they didn’t expect us to be here.”

    “…..They shouldn’t know the patrol schedules at all…that’s highly classified information….”

The rangers watched swarms of men fight the snow and the fence. One of the smaller trucks was stick in a quagmire of wet sand, tires kicking up clods of earth. Numerous dark figures attempted to push it forward onto firmer ground.

Hermann flipped on the comm. He had been so distracted he barely had nearly forgotten to call in and confirm the sighting.

     “Harry we…”

Lights flashed on at almost the same level as Occam’s eye shield, completely blinding Newt and Hermann. They raised an enormous arm, trying to block out the glare. Blinking white spots from his vision Hermann realized with a profound sense of dread where the dazzling light had come from…The headlamps of another Jaeger.

The Jaeger loomed over Occam. It was much taller, about the size of Striker Eureka. The Razor’s head barely came up to the monsters chin. It was painted completely black making it extremely difficult to see in the dark. The only clue to the location of its limbs and head the flicker of reflection on metal. Newt began to panic and Occam backed up several steps raising his head to take in the oncoming mech. Hermann felt the sick galloping thud of his own heart, he choked eyes widening.

     “Newton…Newton stay calm… remember all the drills, the maneuvers…we’ve trained for this…don’t panic.”

His partner didn’t answer in words, only a great churning mass of red fear and black panic eating into the calming blue of the drift. Gottlieb opened his mouth to speak again, to try and reach through the loud mess of emotions. Then he felt something like the blunt end of a metal hammer smack his mouth and cheekbone. The UIS Jaeger drew a metal fist across Occam’s head. The force of the blow sent the smaller mech reeling almost knocking them off their feet. The hive made a noise like a rabbit screaming. The sound was deafening and Hermann could barely hear himself think through the roaring and gnashing of teeth.

      “ _Coming coming coming coming coming….help brothers!_ ”

The mantra repeated over and over again in their heads. Hermann tried to scream at them. Tell them to stop. They couldn’t get here and they couldn’t help them! Before he even had time to draw in a mental breath the crushing pressure of the black Jaegers first was driving into the back of Occam’s neck. Newton snapped out of his terrified stupor and let out a short scream, his brain urging Hermann to move forward. They ducked down and rushed the enemy Jaeger, catching it in the stomach. Digging the Razor’s treaded feet into the slick ground they pushing as hard as they could. Occam’s lower center of gravity was helpful for once and the UIS Jaeger toppled backwards, striking the ground with an earth-shattering boom.

     “Hermann what …”

    “Draw the plasma knife…the pulse gun is too dangerous at close range…and no matter how awful they are…we can’t risk hurting the smugglers…”

The power behind the kick the UIS Jaeger delivered to Occam’s solar plexus drove all breath and thought from both of them. The Razor doubled over. The protective plating on its stomach splintered. Hermann felt Newt’s head smack hard against the metal couplings bracing his body, the helmet sending an echoing crack through both their skulls. One long shrill note cut through the hives manic screeching. Mother was calling to them.

_Mother…No…STOP…don’t send one of them…they...”_

The black Jaeger leaned down while they tried to recover from the last blow and bodily picked the little mech up off the ground. The comm-feed buzzed and Archer bellowed at them, voice filling the cockpit and adding to the cacophony of grinding metal and shrieking Kaiju.

     “Gottlieb! Geiszler! Sign in and report! What’s going on?? The Razor is reporting major hull damage!”

The UIS Jaeger lifted Occam up so they were looking at each other face to face. It seemed to pause a moment, the world moving in slow motion before it threw them to the ground. The impact was like a car crash. To Hermann it felt like his hip and back were shattered into a million pieces. He felt Newton scream rather then heard it. The whiplash was intense, the pressure on his body too much to contemplate. Hermann was torn five different ways. Newton, Hive, Archer, Occam and his own body…all of them were fighting for his attention. He coughed and felt blood dribble out his nose and mouth. Everything tasted of blood and he realized he had bitten his tongue when Occam went down. Reaching out Hermann tried to sort through the chaos and find Newt. Was he hurt? Was he alright?...he _felt_ hurt...he was having trouble breathing…was it a panic attack or? Hermann squinted through the flickering light of a malfunctioning HUD screen, jolted when Newt sent an angry signal up his spine through the connection. The thoughts were as clear as spoken words.

_Move..go…up…_

He obeyed and Occam pushed unsteadily to his feet, turning to face the massive UIS Jaeger again. Archer hadn’t stopped speaking, trying desperately to get them to respond.

     “Newt! Hermann! Answer me goddamnit!!”

A flap lifted up on the side of Occam’s shoulder and they reached over to pull a small plasma dagger from just above the joint. It was absurdly small…not even as big as the one the twins had used to cut off Vesuvius’s tail fin. The UIS Jaeger eyed them confused. It seemed to think the situation was funny. The black Jaeger’s pilots were _laughing_ at them.

     “Occam…Damascus is almost there! Please talk to me….please…”

The black mech circled Occam curiously. Hermann could hear Newt making a terrible wheezing noise and felt his pain vividly…his ribs were bruised …possibly broken. When they had been pushed to the ground he had been thrown so forcefully against his restraints not even the Drivesuit had been enough to cushion the blow. Geiszler had hit his head as well…The inside of his helmet smelled like blood…his chest plate had fallen off completely.

  Anger rose hot and blinding in Gottlieb’s brain. Anger he hadn’t felt since Balor Flood had attacked Newton in the training room. It was the same mind-numbing rage that nearly caused him to choke the life out of Flood…the maddening fury that had broken the engineer’s collar bone. They had _hurt_ his _partner_. The feelings tumbled around in his brain where the hive soaked them up and echoed them...making everything more vibrant…more violent. Newt reached for him inside the drift and the electricity from his touch sent a spasm through Occam’s entire body.

They charged with ferocity that the black Jaeger clearly wasn’t expecting. The red-hot plasma dagger plunged deep into the mech’s side. There was a shock…a fizzle of dissipating energy. They pulled back, kicking hard at the knee of the UIS monster. It staggered taking a step forward lowering its head within easy reach. Hermann felt their fist connect with the black mech’s eye shield. There was a satisfying crunch. It wobbled backward but kept its footing, clawing at its damaged face. Gottlieb watched through a swirling mist of red and blue. His rational brain, the part of him that used to be so in control, whispered anxiously.

     “ _Hermann…get out of here…run while you have a chance._ ”

He ignored it. The black mech stood and turned on them all at once. The attack was so sudden and brutal neither saw it coming. The Jaeger tackled Occam and slammed them bodily to the ground. Its limbs were jerking violently and Hermann felt a dark pride. He had helped create these things...he had a good idea of the best place to stick a knife. Despite its malfunctioning arms the UIS Jaeger had no trouble pushing Occam flat on his back. It raised one immense foot and brought it down on Occam’s head. Then it did it again… Glass and broken metal flew everywhere. Emergency lights flashed and warning sirens blared, Archer’s voice stuttered and died. The drift heaved like a stormy ocean.

Hermann’s leg brace buckled with his leg still in it and he felt his hipbone being wrenched from its socket. The pain was beyond anything he had ever imagined possible. Gottlieb screamed until there was no breath in his body and realized Newt and the hive were all screaming with him. If he didn’t unlock the brace he would have no leg at all. Newton seemed to grasp this immediately and was already trying to get to him. Hermann choked on his voice holding out an arm towards his partner. Occam was lying on his side in the sand and the entire conn-pod rested sideways. Both he and Newt hung from their restraints, bodies forced downward with each punishing blow of the black Jaeger’s foot.

    <Newton…..no…stay there…>

   There was a deafening grind of metal on metal as the mech’s foot came down on the side of Occam’s head for the third time. The blow shook Newt free from his moorings and broke him away from the neural bridge. Geiszler plummeted past Hermann and into a control board hitting his head so hard his helmet’s facemask cracked down the center. Gottlieb lunged to grab him as he fell wrenching his hip joint further in the process. His chest was too tight…he could barely think or breath. He looked out through Occam’s broken eye shield, out into cloudy sky and the falling snow. He could smell the cold through the blood in his nose. The UIS Jaeger was raising its leg unsteadily…how much could Occam’s head take before it collapsed in on itself?

Hermann braced himself, prepared for the foot to come crashing back down and send another shower of glass and sparks over them…but none came. He opened one eye tentatively.

   The Squall Damascus was more than a match for the black Jaeger in terms of size and it was no contest when it came to which was better constructed. From his vantage point hanging sideways in Occam’s demolished cockpit all Hermann could see was the feet of the Damascus running for the UIS Jaeger.

     “ _We already broke it down_ ”

He thought this with a weariness that was partially pride.

    “ _We were hurt but we held our own…we did well for a little mech…for little pilots with little weapons…for two scientists thrown into it all._ ”

The world trembled when the black Jaeger hit the ground, wires fizzling where its head had been ripped away. The head landed in the dirt near the body a few seconds later. The Harpe brothers had probably barely broken a sweat. Hermann looked away from the head and back to where he felt his partner hurting.

     < Newt……oh god Newt…>

Newton’s small body looked like a broken dolls. He was draped across a few stuttering HUD controls. He raised his head and Hermann could see his bad eye through the fracture in his drift helmet. It was a nightmare. He couldn’t reach Newt, he was stuck...pinned by the warped metal of his leg brace. Newton looked past him with dilated pupils…it was plain he had a concussion. He gazed about disoriented.

     “Hermann?”

Gottlieb wiggled, desperate to work himself loose. He took a deep breath, trying to calm the hectic arrhythmic flutter in his chest. The pain in his leg and hip was so vivid and sharp it took all his strength not to vomit, all his will just to keep his dinner down. Hermann shook and fought against the malaise of shock that was settling leaden into his joints. With strength he barely knew he possessed Gottlieb pushed his hands between the metal bands around his thigh and pushed as hard as he could. Screaming every single German curse word he could think of he yanked his lame leg out of the wreckage, losing his boot and part of his shin guard in the process. Hanging on to a bit of debris he lowered himself down shakily to the side of the broken pod.

Hermann could feel his broken ribs refusing to expand properly…no no…they were Newton’s broken ribs not his. He looked over and saw Newton was watching him bemused, eyes glazed. He had really hit his head hard…the connection was full of a dense confusion that was almost like…fog. Hermann felt heat blossom inside his body despite the shrill voices of the hive and the sick throbs of pain. They had survived…they had won and even now he could feel the warmth of Newton Geiszler in the marrow of his bones. His voice came out rough but he hoped Newt could hear him. He couldn’t move…couldn’t get closer.

     “<Newton?…Newt...I love you.>”

It took a painfully long time for Newton to answer, realization finally sparking behind his dull gaze. He smiled through the mask of blood smattering his face, his mouth going into that strange half-smile that should have been whole.

    “<I love you too…A lot.>”

Newt tried to move looking about mystified at his surroundings. He couldn’t seem to get his hands completely under him. His limbs were quivering badly, he panicked when he realized he couldn’t get to his feet.

    “Are…you going to leave!? <Hermann don’t leave…please we…we should get the lab cleaned. It’s inspection soon>…look it’s so messy...”

    “Shhh…Newton it’s alright…we’ll get the lab cleaned up. Just….lie still now. Don’t go to sleep whatever you do. You’ve hurt your head very badly…”

Newton nodded and stared ahead eyes unfocused.

     “<I’m…so tired.> I’m tired and cold and the lab is a mess…

He was babbling, switching between English and German at random. Reaching out where it seemed he could feel Hermann but could not really see him. Newt’s legs moved in slow robotic circles and he kept repeating the same words over and over again in a low scared voice.

    “…..You won’t leave me Hermann right?...<you promise?…promise you won’t…>”

    “No…no Newton I promise you I will not leave you…shhh…someone is going to come help us …just lie quiet. Lie quiet now…soon we can get something warm to drink…listen to music. Won’t that be good?”

Newton calmed, his breathing a piercing harsh rasp. The struggling gasp of a broken bellows.

     “Yeah....really good…”

Hermann was afraid to look down at his leg…he knew he was bleeding badly. A puddle of wet warmth was pooling around his foot now only clad in torn bits of circuitry suit. He noticed his cane had somehow made it through the fight. It lay unscathed a few feet away, tucked between two shattered control boards. The hives frantic talk was steadily rising in volume. He had been able to ignore them for a few moments but not anymore…

_“Brothers hurt…coming…coming…”_

They just kept repeating the same words until Hermann didn’t understand them anymore. His brain too tired and numb to really comprehend what was happening. The warm blanket of shock was creeping back over him…he couldn’t stave it off for long. He was losing too much blood. Someone screamed their names…their cries spattered with bits of French. Hermann called back as loudly as he could.

     “Here….Wiley…we’re here…”

He had one last thought before unconsciousness ate him whole and regretted it even as it went into the roiling mass of distressed Kaiju.

     “ _Mother….I’m scared_.”

 

For a long time everything was nothing. Then it was water and cold.

Hermann was rising out of the ocean.

No.  That was wrong.

A Kaiju was rising out of the ocean.

The Kaiju was laboriously making his way inland. Hermann was just looking out of his eyes. He felt the Kaiju’s bustling confused thoughts as he looked around the beach, past a string of hotels lining the coast. It was different now…the hive had names for these things…they had an understanding of this place and themselves. The small voice and the fast thinker had taught them about cities…The Kaiju he was in was Vesuvius Gottlieb realized…of course...he was the biggest, possibly the oldest…he had been with Kotick as an infant, returned to him when he lay dying…he was good…a caretaker.

He was also heavy, slow and burdened down by bone protrusions and body armor. A lumbering target ill-equip to leave the safety of the water. Hermann screamed inside the Kaiju’s head even as the rest of the hive urged him on.

     “ _No!..Go back where it’s safe...Go back into the water_!”

Vesuvius just growled low and took his first arduous steps away from the tide line. It had to be the California coast…the Kaiju would have gotten as close to where they felt Newt and himself as possible. Hermann pleaded again from the dark. He wasn’t even sure where his body was….the Tempest Infirmary? Hurricane? They could be airlifting him and Newton to a better hospital for all he knew...Vesuvius lumbered carefully between two hotels taking care not to step on a single car. People screamed and scattered in all directions. Hermann sobbed.

     “ _Stop…please you’ve learned so well you’ve done such a good job…but you can’t help Newton and I…you’re going to get hurt ….”_

Vesuvius sniffed the air and rumbled deep in his chest…each step he took shook the ground and sent cars up into the air, shattered store windows. He was walking through some small beach town, moving past the arches of a McDonalds which barely came up to his elbow, walking over a beautifully manicured golf course…further inland…further towards his hurt brothers. Each massive step covered so much ground he was already ten miles in when the first jet flew over.

Vesuvius looked up at it and keened low…as if he was speaking directly to the noise. He stepped over a row of identical suburban houses, knocking off some roof tiles with a swing of his scarred tail. Vesuvius paused curiously when one of his back feet sank into a swimming pool. During his excursion through the sprawling middle-class neighborhood the Kaiju’s only casualties were lawn furniture and the occasional backyard BBQs he could not avoid. Vesuvius stopped again near a grocery store to lick at a dumpster, picking it up carefully with his front most teeth. Hermann could smell what the Kaiju smelled… rotten meat …fish. He was so hungry, but after a few seconds Vesuvius grunted as if chastising himself and put the dumpster back down gingerly… leaving a long trail of blue drool on its dented side. Hermann was growing more hysterical…he had taken the fight out of a Kaiju, gentled it and now…

    “ _We were attacked…we’re hurt and it scared us...but we have people who are helping…please!….go back!”_

He sent images of all the footage he had watched over the years. Jaegers killing Kaiju…Leatherback, Karloff…the list went on. Vesuvius didn’t even flinch. They were beyond the small town now walking with massive strides down an empty highway. Every once in awhile a car would speed from the opposite direction, spot the Kaiju and pull to the side to let him pass. A curious crowd of cars were following behind. Stopping to take pictures once they realized the walking megalith wasn’t going to hurt them.

The PPDC took longer to find them then Hermann expected…seeing The Shrike Rapture overhead didn’t surprise him in the least. It flew over a few times to take in the situation and he screamed in the Kaiju’s head as loud as he could…

     “ _Shrike!_ _Hurt! Kill! Please brother! Go back!_ ”

In desperation he sent a memory of not that far back…he was sitting in the Fortress LOCCENT deck watching as the Rebel Samson slowly raised a scythe above Kotick’s exposed back. He had warned Kotick then…and the white Kaiju had not listened. This was the first thing to make Vesuvius pause. He made a mournful noise in the back of his huge throat and turned very slowly to face the way he had come…contemplating it. Finally after staring after the ocean for a good stretch of time Vesuvius took another booming earthquake step towards Utah…towards his charges.

    _“…..small voice…fast thinker…hurt…scared…I come_.  _I help little brothers_.”

The Shrike struck from above. It dealt a devastating blow to the back of Vesuvius’s head and with a great roar the Kaiju plowed forward. His whale-like face digging into the earth and concrete as his heavy body toppled to the side. Skin on his neck and face tore open and Hermann let out a long gasp at the eruption of pain and surprise. The hive muttered, making noises of fear…confusion. Vesuvius pushed one huge front foot and a hand-like appendage into the ground and clenched every muscle in his enormous frame to regain his feet.

     “ _Run! Just run for the water!!_ ”

Vesuvius took another step forward and plodded steadily on making no move to stand and fight, giving no indication that he wanted anything to do with the Rapture. The Jaeger touched down in front of Vesuvius’s path, regarding the Kaiju curiously. One arm was extended and Hermann could see that Miss Mori had copied the sword model of the Gipsy into this new mech. The broad sword protruded from the Shrike’s wrist, gleaming sharp and dangerous in the California sun. Vesuvius regarded the Jaeger and a flood of memories rushed through the hive into his brain…lessons about war and Jaegers …the images of the precursors Kaiju…all dying alone in cities across this world that was not theirs. The Kaiju turned away from the Rapture with a soft trilling noise and took another step forward attempting to peacefully pass.

     “ _They won’t understand…they only want you dead…the only good Kaiju to them is a dead Kaiju_.”

     “ _No fight..coming to brothers…coming to help you._ ”

The Rapture was taken aback and in their shock Mako and Becket let Vesuvius take three more steps before stabbing the length of the sword into his side. Gottlieb curled tight around himself…whatever he was…Disembodied thoughts? A ghost…? The voice that was him whimpered in the dark as blood sizzled into ammonia vapor on the Shrike's glowing blade. Vesuvius gave a puzzled moan of pain and turned his patient blue eyes to stare at the Jaeger…he made no move to attack just stared at them. Why? The eyes seemed to say…Why have you done this to me?

The Rapture pulled the sword out with a clean jerk and stepped away. Hermann could only imagine the conversation taking place in the conn-pod. Bleeding heavily Vesuvius started to walk again. The Shrike followed alongside the Kaiju, keeping pace. After a few miles the Jaeger slowly lifted out a hand and rested it on one of the rocky protrusions of the creatures back…inquisitive. Vesuvius paid them no mind just kept moving…moving towards the brothers…the little voices that needed him. They walked like that...side by side for what seemed like hours…the world becoming quiet. Only the sounds of enormous feet both metal and flesh striking the ground, leaving massive footprints. Then the horizon grew hazy...the world spinning slightly. The wound in Vesuvius’s side….it didn’t hurt that much, but it had bitten very deep. The Kaiju stopped and panted for breath blood dripping from his nostrils.

     “… _hurt…..bad hurt inside…lay down.”_

Hermann felt their body go down slow…front first then the back…like an old dog settling down for a nap. The sword had burned going in and out…cauterizing the wound to stop the bleeding, causing greater damage to delicate internal organs. Hermann willed himself deeper into Vesuvius’s brain. With a great effort he/they turned to look at the thin white body of the shrike. It was beautiful...the design flawless and smooth, long limbs and clean lines. Gottlieb wanted to rip it to tiny pieces.

The Shrike lifted up its sword execution style above Vesuvius’s head, preparing for the final strike. Hermann took a deep breath and the Kaiju looked at them making a loud long groan that sounded for all the world like….

     “MmmmmAAaaKooohhh”

Then the sword came down…and the world snuffed out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this story was a movie I would have blown my entire special effects budget on this chapter.


	18. The Road Not Taken

 After an immeasurable amount of time alone in the dark, Hermann found Newton.

There were no images just fragments of sensation. The burn of fresh stitches, cotton sheets on skin…the unpleasant sterile smell of a medical facility. His mind’s eye was filled with red-tinged darkness, the sort that comes when bright light shines through closed eyelids. Air hissed through a metal clamp somewhere near his ear. There was pain… but it was muffled by the unmistakable feeling of heavy sedation. All this came through the threads connecting them. All these impressions and the faint sound of Newton’s heart pulsing weakly inside his shattered chest.

     _“…So you’re saying this is the first time in the history of our dealings with Kaiju that an attack has yielded no casualties?”_

Hermann floated up through a lukewarm soup of sleep and memory. He struggled against consciousness…wanted to stay where he could feel Newton.

_“…Even the harm to property was at a minimum. Only a few buildings sustained minor damage…a few broken windows and smashed cars but otherwise…I’ve seen earthquakes that have rattled us worse than that Kaiju…”_

Hermann opened his eyes gradually, taking in as much of the world as he could without moving his head. He was surrounded on all sides by a thin layer of clear plastic. It was not the first time that Gottleib had found himself in an oxygen tent during the course of his deployment. It was the closest thing the fort had to a D-Hoc.  The tent and the old ceiling made of dusty weather-warped wood confirmed his suspicions. He was still on base…in the cold foul-smelling Tempest infirmary

     _“…It’s just so weird…it’s like the thing was trying not to hurt anyone. I swear I saw it wait for a goddamn dog to run across the street downtown….It’s like it wasn’t a Kaiju at all…I don’t know what to think.”_

Hermann finally raised his head, gazing blearily at the old radio chattering to itself at the empty nurse’s station. The base infirmary was one giant room with three rickety old beds. Everything was painted a white that had long faded to dirty grey. The windows were drafty and every inch of the place was inundated with the reek of wood rot and disinfectant. Gottleib scanned about, his tongue sore from where he had bitten it. It took him several tries to make his vocal chords cooperate and even when he did his voice cracked, his words barely above a whisper.

     “…Newton?”

Except for the one he occupied the infirmary beds were all empty. He could see them through the filmy walls of plastic…his partner wasn’t here. The voices from the radio prattled on, the upbeat voice of the reporter asking enthusiastic witnesses question after inane question.

_“Ma’am what do you think? Did you suffer any personal losses in the attack?”_

Hermann shakily raised the thin sheets from his leg. There was an IV in his arm and the fluid in the tube was red. He was receiving blood. That wasn’t a surprise. It felt like he had lost just about all his own. The hurt leg didn’t look as bad as he imagined…it was wrapped tight and there was a heavy brace holding his knee and thigh still. A bag of ice lay across his hip. The first real touch of panic came when he realized there was no feeling in his leg from the knee down. It was entirely numb. No…not just numb. It was dead.

_“I…don’t know if calling it an attack is…honest. I mean he was just passing through…when I saw the footage of the Shrike I just…..he didn’t even fight back. Now…I’ve got no sympathy for those monster fucks. My grandmother lost her house during the Trespasser attack but…it wasn’t like Frisco…it wasn’t even close.”_

Hermann touched his leg experimentally, pressing his hip with testing fingers. Small stabs of pain radiated up his back but his leg was just a chunk of nerveless meat. He could not even wiggle his toes. Gottleib bit his lip and scrunched up his shoulders forcing himself to stay calm. He had no idea if this was just a temporary side effect of the drugs, something that would get better with time or...or…

   Sudden loud voices jolted him from a looming wave of self-pity. They were coming from outside the infirmary’s side door, rising above the radio chatter. He strained to hear. Absolutely certain one of the screaming voices had a very familiar accent. He never thought he would call Balor Flood’s voice soothing but right now the rough spitting Irish brogue and tell-tale smokers cough were the most beautiful things he had ever heard.  Who was Balor arguing with? Was it about him? He couldn’t make it out. The argument escalated and he caught snatches of shouted words….

     “You unbelievable FUCK…how dare yeh!…”

Hermann pulled his limp leg over the side of the bed and put his bare feet to the ground. He could tell from the stuffed cotton feeling in his head that he was on something very strong. A mild morphine dose probably. He had built up a good tolerance to other sorts of painkillers over the years. Sitting there in the cold it suddenly struck him how…quiet it was. Despite the radio and the screaming outside the door it felt like he was suffocating on a lack of noise. The hive, he couldn’t hear the hive or Newton. There was not a sign of the soft buzz of the Kaiju and his connection to Newt was very weak…barely a tremor in the back of his brain. It was like just noticing that his arm had been chopped off. Driven by blind panic Hermann struggled to stand. The sudden weight on his hips brought a flash of pain that turned his vision a dazzling white. His numb foot nearly went out from under him and Gottleib collapsed back onto the bed with a pained squeal. The voices in the hall fell silent.

Shakily Hermann lay back down, the pain clearing some of the fog away from his thoughts. Taking great lungfuls of air he closed his eyes and tried desperately to reach out and feel Newt. The dream had told him his partner was alive, but where the man’s usual wild energy vibrated he could only feel muted pain...grey fear.  The hive was somewhere just out of reach…he could _almost_ feel them. They were like a word sitting on the tip of his tongue. So close he could taste it.

     “Trying to get up? Not a smart move. You dislocated a hip, tore muscles in your lower back…plus you’ve lost a sizeable amount of blood. Still…I’d say that you came out practically unscathed considering the amount of damage the Razor received.”

Gottleib jerked his head over to see who had spoken and felt himself physically recoil. Major Barlowe stood at the opposite side of the bare room, a breeze from the door stirring his long black coat. He stood with his hands behind his back regarding the Ranger with detached interest. There was no compassion in his dark eyes. Barlowe took a slow step forward turning off the radio as he passed it. The stillness that followed was insufferable.

      “Dr. Gottleib. The nurse told me you were waking up. I wanted to be the first to greet you.”

Hermann touched his leg again…a dislocated hip? His sluggish mind raced. The med-staff had probably already snapped his joint back into place. Did they know he would have no feeling in his leg?  Out of the corner of his eye he spotted his brother at the open infirmary door and his blood turned to ice. Dietrich leaned on the doorframe arms crossed. He looked more annoyed than anything else and kept turning to glare at something outside that Hermann couldn’t see. Dietrich noticed Hermann staring at him and grinned wide.

     “Hello little brother! Heard you crashed your robot. Shame that.”

Barlowe scowled and gestured angrily for Dietrich to leave.

     “Gottleib! Go and wait for me in Blackburn’s office… And for the love of god get that putrid excuse for a man away from here! Tell him whatever you have to. We can deal with his mess later.”

Dietrich waved at Hermann and winked as he left, slamming the door hard behind him. Hermann bared his teeth at Barlowe and spoke in a slurred voice.

     “Newton?...where’s…”

     “Yes. Dr. Geiszler. Isn’t here….how very astute of you.”

Barlowe’s voice was cold and iron sharp he stepped closer to the bed, footsteps making the splintery wooden floor creak.

     “He was not as fortunate as you. He’s suffering from severe chest and head trauma…internal bleeding. Things that couldn’t be treated here…”

The Major stood at the end of Gottleib’s bed pushing the plastic roughly aside. He examined him coldly, judging him in that same calculated way Micajah Harpe had perfected. Hermann wanted to ask why he had not been taken to the same hospital as Newt but something in Barlowe’s expression stopped him.

     “I don’t even know where to begin doctor. You are....entirely irritating to me and to the organization. You have become a detriment to your department, a disappointment to the PPDC and an outright danger to human life.”

Hermann took loud panting breaths trying to push his body into a sitting position. Anything that would make him feel less vulnerable. His chest tightened and his pulse pounded uneven in his ears. There was a pang of faraway pain when he took a deep breath. The ghost flicker of a broken ribcage. Gottleib sat as straight as he was able. Trying to show courage he didn’t feel.

     “Tell me where my partner is…”

Major Barlowe’s expression remained neutral, his entire demeanor cool and completely unsympathetic.

      “…Your father has told me so many stories about you. It seems you have a bad habit of never learning a lesson that’s trying to be taught to you….You and that miserable excuse for a biologist. The Kaiju. That was _you_. Tell me how you called the Kaiju...”

Hermann swallowed, adrenaline kicking hard into his bloodstream, helping to alleviate the mess painkillers were making of his thoughts. The mention of his father was painful enough but Barlowe immediately bringing up his connection to Vesuvius was horrifying. His time in the Kaiju’s body was a blur. He just tried his best to look baffled by the question, feigning confused ignorance.

   “I’m afraid I don’t know what Kaiju you are talking about. Was there an attack? I’ve been quite incapacitated here so I wouldn’t kno…”

The much bigger man lunged, snakelike. One leather gloved hand pressed down on Hermann’s leg, the other gripping the collar of the filthy conductor scrubs he was still wearing. The Major’s fingers sank deep into raw aching muscle and twisted ferociously, His fingertips scraping Gottleib’s nerve endings. Hermann screamed more out of anger then pain and Barlowe pushed his face close. He narrowed his eyes, his voice a low sneer.

     “…Don’t. Don’t LIE to me.”

Countless hours of defense training rushed through Gottleib’s body and the response was not only immediate but virtually involuntarily. Hermann leaned back and rammed his forehead hard into Barlowe’s nose. There was a resounding sharp crack and with it Hermann felt the same sort of rush he had when Occam’s fist connected with the UIS jaegers face. He felt like more than just a scientist playing pretend with robots. He panted and cleaned the Major’s blood from his face with a handful of sheet.

      “It’s not…wise to…threaten a Ranger, Major…. _sir_.”

Barlowe wiped blood from his nose and stared at Hermann wide eyed, shaking his head in disbelief. He took a step back his voice trembling slightly.

       “The Fortress II K-sci division has been tracking Kaiju activity just as much as you. It’s glaringly obvious you had something to do with that thing surfacing in California...Not only did it choose to walk landward when you and your partner were in danger, it was walking straight towards Utah. Its behavior was drastically out of the norm and it knew…it KNEW who was piloting the Shrike Rapture. Kaiju don’t speak Gottleib…Kaiju fight and die and…”

Hermann struggled to keep the fear out of his voice, to keep his face unreadable.

     “You are babbling Major…you are making absolutely no sense at all. Newton and I…”

“That Kaiju was coming here I know it was! Of all the places it could have surfaced…at all times…It was coming here…it was coming after you!! You and Geiszler… Ever since your first drift you’ve become a part of their hivemind. You can call them to you like dogs. You’re nothing but monsters aren’t you? Monsters and TRAITORS!”

The Major was becoming more frenzied with each passing moment, His eyes wild and his nose gushing blood. Spit flew from his mouth accentuating each syllable. Hermann pulled back uneasily, certain that Barlowe was going utterly insane.

     “Major I…I really don’t know….you aren’t making any sense.”

Barlowe stopped suddenly and stood running his hands through his hair. He took several deep breaths and cleared his throat, regaining his composure. Taking a handkerchief from his coat pocket the Major dabbed at his crushed nose, his voice slow and soft again.

     “Doctor? I was patient after the Ontario and the White Kaiju in the trash…patient with you in Helsinki...but my patience has worn threadbare. You are mine. You and that little overeducated shit you call a partner. This is my promise to you. Are you listening carefully?”

Hermann gave a weak nod when it seemed like Barlowe would not continue without his acknowledgement. He knew the threats were coming.

     “If you do not cooperate you will never… _Never_ see your partner again Gottleib. I can do exactly what I want with you. Put you wherever I want you…separate you like I have now.

Geiszler’s family has already been informed he died in a border skirmish….and you? Your father knows exactly where you are and could care less. No one will even look for either of you. Unless you tell me about your connection with the Kaiju…unless you help the PPDC utilize them appropriately? You won’t see what happens to Geiszler…but you’ll FEEL it… you’ll feel every excruciating little thing. Maybe it’s your pain that calls the Kaiju…we can test that theory over and over again.”

Hermann felt his insides constrict tightly, a hand reaching in and squeezing his stomach and lungs like a tube of toothpaste. He marveled again at the silence inside him. The hive was practically mute. No voices no buzz. Newton’s presence was nothing but a whisper. He didn’t know if this was distance or drugs. Newton was alive, that was all that mattered. He could find him if he was still alive. The hive would know where he was…if the hive was still willing to speak to him. He choked on anger in the back of this throat. No matter what Barlowe said…he had to be stronger than his fear.

     “I…I believe I speak for both Newton and myself when I say this…Go and _fuck_ yourself Major Barlowe…”

The Major folded his hands carefully behind his back and for a moment he almost looked like he felt sorry for Hermann. It was fleeting but seemed more or less genuine.

     “I don’t understand why you are protecting them. Maybe they’ve brainwashed you…if so you’ve done a damn good job keeping up a human front. Maybe your loyalty is something else completely. Either way, you will help us. Enjoy your last night in Tempest Dr. Gottleib. We will be leaving here tomorrow morning and you will not be coming back.”

His nose still a broken bloody mess Barlowe turned and left Hermann in the hushed infirmary…completely alone.

 

The world was dark and airless. Hermann didn’t even realize he was asleep until hands were shaking him. He was in that dead to the world state of consciousness only attained when heavily drugged.

     “Boy….BOY!….wake up yeh damn…”

A hand smacked lightly at his face and he could smell the foul traces of cigarette smoke.

   “Mmm?...’a-lor?”

Gottleib was aware of the engineer above him. The dim infirmary light reflected off the dark curls of silvering hair, glinting off his yellowed teeth and grizzled unshaven face. It was now the second time Balor Flood had woken Hermann in the middle of night. Only this time Hermann was the one not in his right mind and Flood surprisingly sober.

    “Boy…I’m getting yeh outta ‘ere. We’re taking off. Come on now…up with yeh. I know yer leg’s shot buh I gah yer cane an I pulled the truck up real close…yeh can lean on me.”

Hermann rubbed at his face and tried to focus, a million questions cluttering up his foggy brain.

     “Go?...where…where we going?”

Balor pulled the IV from Hermann’s arm and trotted over to get a glass of water from a nearby sink.

     “Shhh…keep yer voice down lad. Well..we’re getting outta ‘er…I ‘eard wha that filthy ratfuck said tae yeh. Eh may ‘ave shoved me off the door buh eh’s too stupid to realize the infirmrey’s gah leaky windows. I waited ‘til early …The nurses are gone fer a few hours…Me an you are getting outta here while the getting is good.

He put the water in Hermann’s hands watching impatiently as the man remembered how to drink. Water dripped from the sides of his mouth in rivers. 

     “No…can’t go…Newton.”

He shook his head, eyes glazed, handing the empty cup back to Balor. His mouth still felt dry but that wasn’t unusual.

      “NO …no lad there’s nothing yeh can do ta ‘elp Inkstain if yer at Barlowe’s mercy. Buh maybe from the outside yeh can do more….Unnerstand?”

The words made sense in sequence but Hermann still struggled with them…especially with Flood’s accent as an added obstacle. He finally nodded…yes…it did make sense. He couldn’t help Newton if he was a prisoner but…

     “Nn…Why? Why are you…doing this?”

Balor pulled Gottleib’s feet gently over the edge of the bed and slipped the ratty old tennis shoes Newton had given him long ago over bare skin. There was no time for socks. The older man pulled Hermann’s Ranger jacket over his shoulders and helped guide his arms through the sleeves. Hermann was still wearing the drift scrubs he had been brought in. He was going to face the world in nothing but a jacket, scrubs and tennis shoes. It didn’t feel like a promising start.

     “….They been turning a blind eye on the smuggling…I can nae prove they been selling the smugglers parts buh they sure as ‘ell been feeding em patrol schedules…They want em tae make new Jaegers…I don think they wan this bloody war tae end….I ain’t safe ‘ere either, tried to confront Barlowe bout it…buh thas jus one reason.”

Balor tugged a knit cap over Hermann’s head and ears, examining his handiwork with a nod. Slipping the familiar bone grip of his cane into Hermann’s unsteady fingers he checked the window to make sure the coast was still clear.

     “Inkstain an you are my pilots. Yer mah….well…yer….”

He stopped voice too heavy to continue. Hermann was almost sure his lips had silently formed the word “family” but it was difficult to tell in the gloom.

    “Pff...well I don wan yeh gehing ‘urt again anyway. Don care ‘ow many damn Kaiju yeh talk to…buh thas something we’ll talk bout later. Come on Gimpy…come on…up yeh geh..”

Painfully Hermann pushed himself onto his good leg trying to keep all his weight off the hurt hip and lifeless foot.    

     “I can’t…feel my leg below the knee Balor…”

     “Shit…alrigh..s’naught far…come on. Just lean on me…an we’ll geh there. I already stole all the painmeds I could find and stashed em in the truck…I gaht ta go to yer room and grab yer shit. I found yer shoes an such in yer locker….”

Awkwardly, and with no small amount of discomfort Hermann hopped forward. He leaned nearly sideways so the weight of his bad leg rested on Flood, his cane propped in his opposite hand. They had to take several breaks so Gottleib could catch his breath but finally they reached the infirmary door and out into the dark base. It was early morning Hermann determined…he knew the smell of the desert in the morning intimately after weeks of dawn patrols. A supply truck sat idling a little ways off, hidden partially behind a storage shed. The bitter cold air cleared more of the medicine fog from Hermann’s brain and with a lot of grunting and agonizing hop-skips he and Flood managed to make it to the truck.

     I don think ye can fit inta the front without scrunching up painful…can ye climb into tha back while I run an geh the rest ah the supplies?”

Hermann considered a moment and just nodded weakly.

     “In our room….there are things of Newton’s I would really like to have…his jacket if it is there...perhaps one of his sweaters?...his mp3 player…his computer…his sketchbooks…could you please grab these along with my things? Oh…and my reading glasses. They are on the bedside table…”

     “I’ll do wha I ken…we don gah long till the morning patrol starts…they’ll beh gehing the Jaegers outta tha hanger any minute an I need things in there too…stay quiet an I’ll be righ back.”

Balor grunted under his breath and ran towards the Rangers Barracks, his stubby legs a blur as he disappeared behind the shadowy bulk of the Jaeger hangar.

Hermann stared at the back of the truck blankly. Climb into it? Balor might as well have asked him to scale Mount Everest. The task felt huge…insurmountable. Gottleib placed his cane carefully in the back and leaning his weight on the side of the car. He hopped to the back to open the truck bed flap but hesitated stared from it to his leg several times. He was so intent on the task at hand Hermann didn’t even hear the footsteps crunching towards him.

   

    “….Doc?...We thought that was you…What the hell are you doing out here?”

The twins stared at Hermann. Sonia took a step towards him her eyes wide.

     “Are you…trying to get into the back of that truck?”

     “Why?...”

     “Wait…are you leaving? Why are you leaving?

      “You should be in the infirmary!”

Gottleib took a ragged breath hands shaking. He couldn’t stand for much longer. He attempted to lower the flap on the back of the truck again. Almost instinctively Howard rushed to help him.

     “I am leaving Tempest…right now…and I have good reason to do so. Please don’t try to stop me.”

Sonia let out an impatient wuff of breath and helped her brother pick Hermann up carefully and lift him bodily into the back of the truck.

      “Alright…we won’t try to stop you if you just tell us why?”

      “Why…are you LEAVING?…”

      “Are you just going to Hurricane?”

       “Who the hell is driving you?”

A lump formed in Hermann’s throat. They looked at him with puzzlement….and fear. He didn’t understand the fear. What were they afraid of?

       “No…beyond Hurricane...as far as I can get from here. I…I have to. I’m in trouble that would be…very difficult and complicated to explain in the brief time I have. I just need to go. Balor and I…”

The twins nearly screamed in unison flapping their hands in disbelief.

     “Balor!?”

Sonia bit her bottom lip looking about ready to slap him across the face.

     “You would trust BALOR but you wouldn’t tell _us_ if something was wrong?”

     “Did someone threaten you? Is someone trying to hurt you??”

Howard leaned into the truck bed and Hermann was surprised to see tears building in his eyes.        

     “Why wouldn’t you come to us first? Why wouldn’t you ….”

      “It’s the PPDC. They want something from Newton and I very badly. They think we can help them get something they want. Hasn’t it ever struck you as odd that Geiszler and I are Rangers at all? There has been a reason…the Kaiju…”

He hesitated and looked from one pale anxious face to the other. Each one scattered with hundreds of dark freckles…skin dotted with stars. Stars…the friends he had trusted in childhood now anthropomorphized as two flesh and blood people. They were the living embodiment of the protectors…the friends, he had wished for in primary school. The thought was ridiculous, a fantasy brought on by painkillers but all the same he just stared at their faces and wanted to whisper….You came too late. You are thirty years too late.

     “It doesn’t matter…you two are Rangers. Good Rangers. You worked hard to get here. You worked hard to pilot the Siren…”

Sonia hissed through clenched teeth.

     “Hermann. I swear to god…just tell us what’s wrong so we can try and help you fix it. Newt is fine right?”

     “He was sent to a bigger hospital for treatment…we saw the helicopter that came to get him…”

Balor materialized from the dark breathless and wheezing. He spied the twins and terror flickered across his face until he realized who they were. He frowned at the Whateleys thrusting a thumb over his shoulder back in the direction of the Jaeger hanger.

      “Yer early fer yer damn shift. Say yer goodbyes and get tae the hangar afor someone notices yeh.”

      “We couldn’t sleep! We were worried about Newt and the Doc…but that’s not important!”

      “What’s more important is what you are doing with Dr. Gottleib in the back of a supply truck??”

      “Are you insane?!”

Flood ignored the twins, brows furrowed in concentration. He chucked two hefty duffel bags into the back of the truck next to Hermann as well as several smaller boxes that clanged with a metallic weight as they hit the truck bed. Tools? Something of that nature Hermann guessed.

    “I’ve got most ah what I need…nae wha we really need buh much as I could carry…piled as much ah yer shit in a bag as I could…”

     “Did you…get some of Newton’s things like I asked?”

     “I gah whatever were close at hand. We only ‘ave a lil while till them…”

He pointed towards the fuming twins.

      “…An the Koseki’s start morning patrol an the base won stay quiet fer much longer. They’re gonna miss yeh soon.”

Sonia was shaking her head as Balor pushed her aside, banging the back of the truck shut. He climbed into the driver’s seat and moved to slam the door. Howard stopped him mid-motion. Grabbing his arm through the driver’s side window, his jaw set.

     “Where are you going? Hurricane? Then where? Are you gonna take care of him all by yourself? He’s hurt! He can barely move!”

Balor sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose impatiently.

     “Are yeh coming?...eh? If yeh come you’ll be AWOL…ye’ll nae be Rangers anymore…never pilot again. Ye’ll be a disgrace. PPDC don look kind on rogue Rangers. Yeh wanna loose all this?”

The twins looked at each other and Howard slowly let go of Balor’s arm. Sonia made soft unhappy noises in her throat and met Hermann’s eyes with her own. Her gaze was piercing, she seemed to be looking through him… searching for something.

     “What about Newt? You’re just gonna haul off and leave him?”

     “No…I…I have to do this for him. If I stay…I may never see him again.”

Balor was whispering something to Howard urgently in a soft hissing voice. All of Hermann’s cloudy attention was on Sonia. She was crying in earnest now, tears flowing down her cheeks. Hermann felt like his insides were being wrung dry. He reached out to her doing his best to sound soothing.

       “Please Miss Whateley….please don’t cry."

       “This is happening too fast. You…you wouldn’t leave unless it was really important would you?”

     “I am being completely honest when I say that many very different lives are at stake…my own included.”

She looked at the ground and pulled away from him, hands clenched to her chest. The truck chugged forwards into the chill winter morning. Howard looked at Gottleib, his face haggard as he took his place next to his sister.

      “Goodbye Miss Whateley…Mr. Whateley.”

The stood like sentinels, watching the car until it was out of sight. Behind them the hangar faded away. Hermann watched it all vanish, body taut. He held up a hand and waved a last farewell. A final goodbye to the place, the people and most of all…

     “Goodbye Occam…”

 

Hurricane was never still, never quiet. Even in the early morning there was the bustle of activity everywhere. Balor pulled the truck past the trading post…past the fueling stop. Luckily unlike most of the vehicles at Fort Tempest the supply truck didn’t have a blazingly obvious PPDC logo slapped on its dusty side. Hermann realized with alarm he was slipping in and out of consciousness from moment to moment. He would be awake and trying to brace himself against the bumps sending pain scrapping up his back…and then he would blackout. Sometimes for seconds but more often a few minutes at a time. He shook his head and took a deep breath pulling the cold air deep into his lungs. The chill stung the cut on his tongue and the little lacerations on his face. Balor pulled the truck up to a rickety metal building near a long line of broken down motor homes. He jumped down and looked up at Hermann with a sigh.

     “Boy….yer gonna ave ta sit tight…I ave tae go an haggle…geh some things we need. Can yeh do tha? Just…don move.”

Hermann gave a tired bitter chuckle.

     “Don’t move?....that’s humorous…I think I’ll…I think I’ll go for a morning jog…”

He pulled his Rangers jacket closer around his skinny shoulders and rubbed his thumb absently over the button on his collar staring toward the distant pink blush on the horizon.

      “…Well if yer well nuff tae make stupid jokes yer well nuff tae sit. Just…I’ll be back right soon…”

Hermann just nodded slightly, hugging his cane to his chest. He watched the sun burst into the morning sky. Trailing a million shades of gold, pink and red in its wake. Snow started to fall, dusting the truck bed, landing in soft feather flakes on his hat and jacket. Setting in his long eyelashes and melting against his white skin. Gottleib tipped his head back eyes closed and took soft shallow breaths. Then he let himself cry.

It started as a slow trickle of tears but swiftly escalated. He let out gasping grief stricken sobs. Unsure even what he was crying for anymore…Newton…Occam…Vesuvius…himself. Hermann leaned his back into the metal of the old car and wept until he was completely drained. A soft tickle ran up the back of his neck, a whisper on his skin. He raised his head slowly the tears frozen in his eyelashes cracking as he opened his eyes.

Mrs. Melero stood in front of him. She was dressed in what he remembered best…her Rangers jacket, her black jeans and a worn sweater. He could almost smell her. She had always worn some sort of soft fragrance when she was alive. Lilac…he was sure it was lilac. The smell was the first thing he noticed missing from the mess when she had died. One of the small things your brain picks up on when you do not. She flickered in and out, wavering like a heat mirage as she leaned down and slipped hands under his armpits. She picked him up like he weighed nothing at all and pulled him close. She was…wait he had been wrong. He was sure now that she smelled like vanilla…that was Vanessa’s fragrance. She always dabbed a bit behind her ears and sometimes a dab on the end of his nose. It made her laugh when he flinched.

Hermann pulled back and was baffled to see not Mrs. Melero but his mother. There were the high cheekbones he had inherited and the shining blue eyes he had not. His mothers face shifted…sputtered and she was Mrs. Melero again. She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the cheek. Her lips were warm. The Ranger flickered becoming her daughter Neta…then Vanessa…his mother again…his sister Karla...Sonia Whateley…Mako Mori. All the women he had known and loved in his life.

The strange vision embraced him tightly, rocking him back and forth until his anxiety eased. He raised his arms to hug her back reluctantly at first. The knots in his muscles slowly loosened as he pressed his face into Mako’s jacket…his mother’s housecoat…Vanessa’s favorite white dress.

     “Who are you?...”

She didn’t answer just continued to rock him like a baby. He sniffled and started to cry again unable to stop. They weren’t in the truck bed anymore they were somewhere cobalt and shiftless, a world of blue light and total silence.

He could smell Vanilla, lilac, cinnamon and grease. Mako always smelled pleasantly of grease. It was never a filthy smell on her…she wore it with pride. His sobs calmed and he hugged all of them mind drifting away from the cold truck and the desert and his broken body.    

     “ _Small voice….tiny brother….love you so…”_

  Hermann stiffened eyes wide. The dreamy sense of peace in his already drug-addled brain clenched tight and he shook himself. Trying to string his thoughts together and make sense of the situation.

     “M-Mother?”

Mrs. Melero reached up a hand and stroked his hair. It was such a familiar gesture. Of course it was. Mother had taken it right from his memories. They were all the ghosts of his memories. Mako Mori touched his cheek…she was young. It was a memory of her as a teenager. He remembered when she would come into the lab and they would chat. Speaking about Jaeger code or little secrets that a teenage girl felt safe sharing with a cranky mathematician she trusted. Her hair had been a pixie pink then. He had made a great show of disapproving it….at the time it had seemed so important. Mother spoke with their voices, all their voices in unison. If she had used her own voice it probably would have hurt him like it had before, like it had when he and Newton had met her for the first time.

     “ _Mother here… love… calm…brothers sick…brothers hurt…_ ”

When had she figured this out? The lessons had probably helped her…they had given her access to themselves…to their minds.

     “Mother…Newton is gone…I can’t find him…the fast-thinker. I can’t even feel him…please.”

His mother turned her head to the side and rubbed his back…she had only done that when he was very small…when he was very sick.

     “ _Fast thinker...feel?…not know...feel hurtsick...”_

She sounded flustered and upset and the blue world around them darkened to an almost black. She could feel where he and Newton were…the hive could. But Hermann and Newton had never inherited that ability. He knew when Newton was close…he knew when he was in the same room…sometimes right after a drift he could sense him from a short distance. But he couldn’t find him if he was somewhere far away. He couldn’t just stick a pin in a map. Newt probably didn’t even know where he was himself. In all likelihood they would take him to Fortess II…and how could they ever reach him there?

      “ _Send more brothers… help….”_

     “No!...No Mother!….Vesuvius…the big brother is dead because of us. No more brothers…”

She made a mournful noise that was definitely not something any human woman would make.

Sasha Kaidonovsky flickered into Sonia and the Whateley twin shook her head. She was mourning Vesuvius…the entire hive was.

       “ _brother…gone…soon another brother born…_ ”

She shifted again and Vanessa stood close her stomach swollen and pregnant.

      “Already?....Mother I told you it…you shouldn’t…”

She looked at him head tilted to the side listening. Eyes tinted a startling blue. She had learned so much in such a short time…but how much did she and the hive really understand? He and Newton had muscled through pain to communicate with the hive. They had worked hard to hear the voice behind it. She had been afraid to speak to them before. Afraid she would hurt them. That had only been a few short months ago, now this. She was adapting so fast….the children were born so quickly. Had the precursors programmed them to adjust and learn this rapidly for some reason? If that was so he and Newton had been instigating it every step of the way. Did the precursors plan for that as well? It terrified him and he suddenly felt weak and shaky. What if it hadn’t been me and Newton?...what if they had latched onto someone else? It could still happen. If they wanted to please someone like Barlowe as much as they want to please us… Hermann gagged on the thought, nauseated. Mrs. Melero’s face crinkled with concern and she cradled his upper body to her chest. They floated in the blue light. In the fissure.

     “ _No children?..._ ”

     “Mother….I wanted all the Kaiju dead. I worked so hard to kill you and your kind. I was no better than the other humans. Even after Kotick…I thought…I thought that everything I was doing was going lead to the end of the hive. Now all I want is for you to be safe. Is that what the precursors planned all along? Are you going to just keep having children until there’s no room left for both species? If that’s true….I can’t stop you anymore…I don’t even want to. I just…”

He struggled to keep track of all the thoughts rolling through his head like loose marbles. His voice came out small and strangled, just a whisper.

      “I want Newton.…”

Mother looked at him seriously with Mako’s solemn face. She put a hand to his lips and made a gentle cooing noise. She was trying so hard to understand.

     _“Can’t reach fast-thinker…not now…out of reach….Not want hurt….”_

She said this carefully blue hair slipping across one cheek, she was struggling to find the correct English words. Streams of pictures flashed rapid through the core of Hermann’s brain to help illustrate. The pain was building. He was sure outside where his body sat in the freezing air his nose was starting to ooze blood.

     _“…Understand……why humans kill. Creators…bad. Not….we not THEM._ ”

Gottleib took her hand and all the air in his lungs whooshed out. He felt himself deflate.

     “I…I know you aren’t. I’m sorry…I’m sorry about everything…”

      “ _Human…Hive._ _Both…live together. Yes?…_ ”

He let out a small sob and lowered his gaze shaking his head.

      “I don’t know Mother…I don’t know if we can….”

She made a soft burbling noise of comfort and hugged him again.

      “ _No sad…No hurt….help fast-thinker…my brothers… my children….love…quiet…”_

      “…..I’ll come to the hive… to the water. Don’t send anymore brothers…please. I don’t want anyone else to die because of me.”

      _“…No brothers….you come._ ”

Sasha squeezed him with her strong arms. Karla pressed her cheek to his. Vanessa whispered something close to his ear that he didn’t catch. The sudden screech of brakes tore him away before he could hear her parting message.

 

     “Shite!”

Balor thumped the huge steering wheel of in front of him and Hermann blinked delirious. Trying to figure out where he was. His skin felt hot….feverish. He Pushed his upper body into a sitting position, Gottleib realized he was inside a motor home. He was in fact lying in the passenger side seat. Balor was barely able to look over the wheel of the driver’s side….at any other point that would have been hilarious. The smell of Flood’s foul cigarette smoke filled the front cab. Looking over his shoulder Hermann could see the rest of the RV interior. It was old and very dirty. A threadbare sofa and a small kitchen with a microwave and sink sat to one side of the space. A booth like dining table and some storage drawers filled up the area closest to the entrance. Beyond that there was a tiny sliding door he was sure lead to an equally tiny bathroom. A filthy bedroom sat at the very back of the motor home’s long thin cabin. Grime and dust stuck to everything. Chaotic piles of metal and electronics covered the sofa, table and even the bed from what Gottleib could decipher in the dark. Hermann opened his cracked lips and his voice came out a dry wheeze. He was so thirsty.

     “Balor?…where…”

     “Ah…yer awake now eh? To late teh elp me load yeh up into a seat course…we’re gonna cross that border intah the UIS and geh the fuck away from Hurricane…we were doin great till they showed up.”

    “Until…who sho……oh.”

The Siren Carpathia stood impassively in front of them, It’s feet completely filling up the view from the windshield. The Jaeger took a booming step forward, rocking the RV on its wheels. It bounced up and down so violently the kitchen cabinets flew open, spraying pots and pans in every direction. Slowly the mech went down on its hands and knees. Lowering its head to the ground until it was only a few inches from the front of the old motor home. It looked like the Jaeger was trying to get into some strange yoga position. The Carpathia, like the Razor, had an escape hatch on its head. The Carpathia’s was on the front under its eye mask. Opening with a click and a hiss the twins climbed out one at a time and leapt to the ground, illuminated by the motor homes dingy yellow headlights. The day had grown dark and threatened more snow. Taking off his helmet Howard waved and smiled. Balor sighed and opened his door sliding to the ground and walking over to meet them. He left his door open and Hermann was glad. The breeze through the door was cool on his hot skin and he could hear the little man speaking with the twins.

     “So yeh showed up then? Yeh sure yer making tha right decision?”

Sonia pulled off her helmet and shook out her hair smoothing her ponytail. She looked at her brother and they both gave a pained smile nodding at the same time.

      “I mean…what you told Howard? About the smuggling…”

     “And the doc…he wouldn’t run without a reason….”

Howard climbed back up into Carpathias hatch and tugged out several duffle bags which hit the ground with a soft plop. Hermann suddenly realized what was happening. Pulling together what little strength he had left Gottleib leaned over to the driver’s side door. Speaking as loud as he could to get the twins attention.

     “….No…no you two can’t…get back in the Siren right now…”

Sonia sighed and picked up one of the bags. She blinked in the headlights trying to see Gottleib’s face.

     “Stow it Hermann! This feels like the right thing to do…”

Balor looked up at the Carpathia thoughtfully and back to Hermann. His footsteps crunched on the sand as he walked over to hold a whispered conference with Howard.

Sonia leaned into the cab and looked Hermann over eyes wide. She pulled off a glove and pressed the back of her hand to his forehead.

     “That stupid little troll…you have a fucking fever!...”  
      “Miss Whateley….you are making a terrible mistake…”

The Ranger crawled into the RV cab looking spectacularly out of place in her bright aquamarine drift armor. Careful of his leg she put one his arms around the back of her neck and lifted him towards the bedroom.

       “Yeah I know I am…me and Howie are both aware.”

       “I…I’m not your brother….you know that right?”

This was the first thing that made the Ranger pause. She sighed and continued to navigate the tiny kitchen, struggling to maneuver him around fallen plates and flatware.

        “No. you aren’t. Warren is dead and you are definitely still alive. We’re not stupid Doc.”

The bedroom smelled like the curtains had been set on fire at some point. There was the distinct pungent scent of burned upholstery and rotten milk. Sonia wrinkled up her nose and pulled a toolbox and a few garbage bags full of old clothing off the bed. Pulling back the sheets she thought better of it and just lay Hermann on top.

          “I’m glad Howie and I thought to bring some blankets…all this shit is gonna need to be washed. It smells like a hooker’s jockstrap in here.”

She examined a musty old pillow on the filthy carpeted floor and sniffed at it. She wrinkled her nose  but apparently decided the yellowing thing wasn’t too foul to be of use. The Whateley twin pulled a shirt from her overstuffed duffel bag and put it in between him and the ratty pillow, propping up his head in an attempt to make him comfortable. She took one of the blankets tied to her duffel and unrolled it, shaking it out.

        “I wanted to be a nurse when I was younger…did I ever tell you that? Howie wanted to be a therapist and I wanted to be a nurse. We joked that he would fix the brains and I would fix the bodies.”

She put a hand to his forehead again, pulling off the sweat soaked knit cap he had forgotten he was wearing. Her fingers were pleasantly cool. The pain in his hip had started to throb. The hurt reaching noticeable levels as the last batch of painkillers wore off. At least Balor had remembered to grab more.

        “I did not….”

       “Yeah we were all set to go to college once we made it through secondary school…Then Trespasser happened….and well…plans can change suddenly. Like right now.”

She struggled with her armor pulling off the chest plate with a moan of relief.  

   “Ugh this thing KILLS my boobs. Anyway...All this has got me thinking. That Kaiju we fought? That one you sent away when you saved us? It acted weird from the start…and the Kaiju in California didn’t hurt anybody. It isn’t right…. Everything started to feel wrong when they let you and Newt drift all that time and wouldn’t help you out. It was dangerous...you could have died and they didn’t care. I believe you when you say they want to hurt you. I mean if they would do that…what wouldn’t they do? We have to rescue Newt…right? That’s what you’re going to do?”

Hermann watched her and started to shiver under the thick quilt.

       “Rescue…yes…I hope so.”

She scrunched her nose up at him and sat on the side of the bed.

       “When you feel better….will you tell me the truth?”

        “You won’t like the truth…”

She stroked his hair from his forehead. Balor and Howard’s voices drew closer and there was a clang of metal.

        “I don’t like being lied to more. We’re not going to lose you and Newt like we lost Mrs. M…I will never let that happen again. Even if it means giving up the Rangers, telling my poor baby Siren adios and living in a stinking trailer with that leprechaun sonavabitch for god knows how long. You get it professor? We square?”

Hermann smiled at her warmth filling up his stomach.

        “Square….”

        “Good.”

       “You truly are made of stars…”

She gave him a funny look and tucked the quilt in tight as she could.

       “I’m sure if I had a fever that would make perfect sense.”

She took his hand and squeezed it waiting for him to drop off to sleep.

       “Hey…if nothing else we’ll have one hell of an adventure right?”

Gottleib felt Newt stir inside his head. He reached out looking for Hermann confused but very much alive.

        “….The kind they write books about Miss Whateley.”

 

 

 


	19. Bright Lights, Big City

     “God, who owned this thing before us? A Jawa?”

Hermann looked up at Sonia from where he sat, perched on an old wooden park bench. The twins were climbing up and down the stairs of their old motor home, carrying out armfuls of clutter. Sonia dumped another pile of scrap metal on the ground and wiped beads of sweat from her forehead. Howard clambered up the stairs, a dust rag held tight in one hand as he got on hands and knees and attempted to scrub the caked grime off the kitchen cabinets. He punched a nearby garbage bag and it clinked with the sound of crinkled aluminum cans.

     “Somebody who really liked D-Ration beer. I keep finding empty cans _everywhere_.”

Sonia made a face and added a few gagging noises for good measure.

     “Ugh D-Ration... might as well just drink rubbing alcohol.”f

She plopped a canvas bag next to Gottlieb and kicked at it.

      “Here’s another bag Doc... sorry you have to sort through all this disgusting crap... but you have found some stuff we can use.”

Hermann picked up the bag and wrinkled his nose at the smell wafting out of it. He reached in reluctantly and pulled out a pair of filthy long underwear, tossing them into one of two neat piles he had made on the ground near the rest-stop bench. One for useful clothes or things that might fit, the other for garbage.

He, Balor, and the twins were only one day out from the USA/UIS border. Unsure of exactly where they were going, Balor had pulled them off the main highway and into a national forest park called Manti-La Sal, guiding the camper as far from any refugee camps or towns as they could get. The new Jaeger program and the economic downfall had not left a lot in the UIS budget for the care of national parks. The road had been riddled with cracks, fallen tree branches and weather damage. Negotiating it had been a nightmare and now they were camped out at some half hidden rest stop in a chunk of isolated Utah wilderness, using the relative peace to clean the camper and take stock of the situation.

     “Fucking piece of shite!”

Sonia smiled and gave a gleeful little cackle as Balor appeared from the front of the RV, his face completely covered in grease and oil.

    “Having a little trouble there Willow?”

Howard’s voice drifted down from where he was scouring the underside of the filthy kitchen table.

    “No luck getting it to work Gimli?”

His sister nodded approval, dusting off her hands and grabbing for a bottle of water she had sitting by the RV steps.

     “That’s a good one, I’m adding it to the list.”

Balor scowled at them, rubbing his face and scratching at his stubble.

     “Glad ye two think this whole thing is so damn funny. The fucking thing will run fer awhile... but we’re gonna have ta geh some parts ta fix the solar connectors. This piece ah crap has a back up combustion engine buh gas is hard to come by on the road. We gah a bit... buh nae nuff ta last long.“

The older man plopped down next to Hermann on the bench and mumbled under his breath.

     “... I know wha I need ta do buh... I ain’ looking forward to eh...”

Hermann watched him with a strange detachment. He had been feeling off, odd... unlike himself for days now. It was the same sort of cold floaty feeling he associated with depression but with a few notable differences. He felt exhausted but could not sleep, felt the same mental ache he had before but now it was more like... withdrawal. Every night, Hermann would wake up over and over again, come out of a restless sleep sweating and shaking and NEEDING something indefinable. He was strung-out on drifting, he was jonesing for Newton.

   It was probably not the full blown Pon shakes that Mrs. Melero had described but it was something close. His contact with Newton in the connection was erratic at best. Every few hours it seemed like Geiszler would wake up, reach out a tentative shaky hand and make sure Hermann was still there, then he would roll back over and sink into a shadowy place Gottlieb could not follow. He had not appeared in any of Hermann’s dreams. Then again, Hermann had barely dreamed since his confrontation with Barlowe... or slept for that matter. Something as simple as eating had become a chore. He was just a husk now, a fragmented thing that had once been a whole person... a ghost haunting the body of Hermann Gottlieb.

Sonia sat down beside him, watching as he mindlessly folded and unfolded the same sock three times in a row. She put a warm arm around his shoulders and leaned into him with a soft sigh, burying her cold nose into his jacket.

    “Awww Doc... ”

Howard tore himself away from scrubbing the camper walls, pulling the cushions from the ratty sofa so he could take them outside and smack the dust out of them.

    “Soooo... does anyone know where we’re going exactly? We’re running low on supplies.”

Balor nodded gravely. He seemed to have made up his mind sometime ago.

    “We’re going to tha capital. We gah ta go to Salt Lake City. We ken geh the parts fer the camper there an... I ave business I gah to take care of.”   

Sonia pulled away from Hermann, giving Balor her best incredulous look.

“What business? Also... the capital? Isn’t it dangerous? Are you thinking we should hide out in Salt Lake as a long-term thing?”

Hermann spoke up, looking at them fearfully.

     “We can’t linger there! We have to go into the United States... we must get to the ocean.”

Sonia squeezed him and ran a soothing hand over the nape of his neck.

     “We know you want to get to the ocean Doc... but it might not be the best time. Maybe when the heat dies off a bit right?”

Hermann had told them about the hive, the dreams, even Mother. It had been difficult. He had explained it the best way he could but... how could he possibly put it all in words? Lighting a cigarette with a filthy hand, Flood took a long drag and blew the smoke out through his nose. He coughed and poked at some of the grit under his nails thoughtfully.

     “Gimp-...”

He stopped mid-word when Sonia gave him a threatening look, shaking a balled fist meaningfully.

    “…”Ermann... we’ll ave ta go through Salt Lake either way probably. Let’s figure out a plan eh? Oi... Whateley! Go in tha glove box and fish out tha old map.”

Howard shrugged and went to get the map. His sister picked up the canvas bag and pulled out clothes, helping Hermann sort them out, her lips pressed so tight they turned white.

     “Seems like a dumb risk going back into the USA if we’re safe on this side of the border.”

Balor examined Sonia skeptically.  

     “We ain’t safe on any side ah the border. We’re ENEMY COMBATANTS on this side. We gah no UIS ID’s and none of us are even citizens ah this country. Hell I nae even have a proper driver's license.”

Howard walked over with a huff and offered Balor the map.

     “We’re Canadian. At least we can fake it convincingly.”

Sonia gestured angrily to a pile of something on top of the trailer. A bulky mass covered carefully with a blue water-proof tarp.

      “Is this thing in Salt Lake about THAT? Is that why you brought half the Siren with us? You still haven’t explained why... I mean. Talk about things that make us more conspicuous! What kind of drunk munchkin logic was that? Oh yeah you know what will totally not piss off the PPDC? Tearing apart their Jaeger and taking its control board along with its pilots! ”

She glared at her brother accusingly and shook her head.

      “And why did you help him?!”

      “I... I dunno. It felt weird just leaving the Siren there... and he... ”

      “Look er missy! I’ll ave yeh know tha... ”

Sonia did a really terrible imitation of Balor’s accent raising her voice to be heard over him until they were screaming at each other.

       “Look ERrrr  I gaahh thaaa biggest accent In this traaailer an I….”

        “Ye stupid girl! In mah day Rangers showed a bit a respect to... ”

Hermann rubbed at his temples with a loud groan.

      “ STOP... everybody just... stop fighting please. We must go to the ocean... we have to get to the Hive... If I don’t, another Kaiju might come looking for me like that big one the Rapture killed. I’ve explained... or I’ve tried to explain to you that they are not only my friends they are my shot at finding Newton... Perhaps even getting him back. I am sorry you all got dragged into this but... it is important I reach the Pacific. Newton is the only important thing... please.”

The fighting came to a grinding halt. The twins both looked at their hands, ashamed. and Balor just unfolded the map, tracing the lines of it with a thumb. Hermann felt a bubble of frustration well in his stomach and rise up to his brain.

       “None of you believe me. Not about Mother or Kotick or any of it do you?”

There was silence. The rest stop was surrounded on all sides by forest. Bare winter branches swayed very gently in a cold gust of wind, here and there a thin layer of snow lay on the muddy ground. The sky was low and leaden. A snowstorm had been following them all the way from Tempest... always threatening but never quite reaching them. Howard scratched the back of his head and wiped his nose on a sleeve, trying to pick his words gingerly.

     “Doc... we believe you I mean... what you told us makes sense timeline wise but... they’re Kaiju. How can you...”

      “You talk about them like they're... like they’re people. Kaiju aren’t PEOPLE. They’re...”

Hermann looked from one face to the next, shaking his head weakly. He pulled the knit cap down farther to keep the cold from his ears.

       “You wanted to help me... but you don’t trust me.”

Balor snubbed out the last of his cigarette and flicked the butt away into the surrounded brush.

       “Alrigh! Alrigh! We’ll go to tha damn ocean. See yer so called tame monsters. Nae like we gah a better plan. Question is where do we go to? Nae California... coast is still teeming with people... more than mos places. Oregon maybe? Or Washington? Could go all tha way up tae Canada buh thas another border I don wanna geh caught at.”

Howard got on a bit better with Balor than Sonia did and he glanced over his shoulder, examining the map.

         “Well lets go as close to Canada as we can... this part of Washington here... Sonia and I know that shoreline pretty well from our time with the Coast Guard. Sometimes we would patrol into American waters and dock all the way in Astoria. There are whole stretches of wilderness between there and Vancouver. That’s where we were stationed most of the time... why not here... head towards this little town Aberdeen and find some place to hide.”

Balor turned this over, reaching for another cigarette. His chain smoking had only gotten worse as far as Hermann could tell. He also never seemed to run short, an endless supply hidden somewhere in his pockets. He would have hated to see how ill-tempered the man could be without his nicotine fixes.

     “Aye... ’Ermann... this sound like a good place tae go? Yer monsters like tha sound a that?”

The hive was still very quiet but at least Hermann could feel them. Soft and sad... still upset over the loss of Vesuvius and the fact they were unable to help Newt or himself. They knew he was coming. There was an expectant undertone to their usual humming presence. They would probably sense what direction he was going. He hoped they would stay patient.

     “Yes... that will be fine. Thank you Balor.”

     “Well we still ave tae go through Salt Lake City... Buh we don gah ta stay long.”

He glanced up guiltily at the tarp and the Jaeger parts on top of the motor home. Hermann wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. He examined a stained t-shirt and tossed it on the possibly usable pile.

      “The city... does not sound like a bad idea. I need a stable wi-fi connection to contact Deghari and Neta... perhaps see what is going on in Fortress.”

       “Tha wise? Sure we cannae be tracked tha way?”

      “Possibly. Even with my encryption software in place it is a risk...but one I'm willing to take. We should try to drain any money we might have in existing accounts before the PPDC blocks them... we will need money... I...”

Hermann rubbed his temples as a wave of sudden inexplicable nausea struck him. His eyes were tired. They stung in the cold air and he was still having trouble keeping a cohesive train of thought. Sonia nudged him gently.

      “Hey Doc... maybe its time for a nap huh? We got your bed all clean... the mattress wasn’t even that gross. You don’t have to sleep on top of eight blankets now.”

He frowned at her severely and fiddled with the top of his cane, ignoring her suggestion. He would just lay in the bed and stare at the grungy ceiling. He turned back to Balor.

     “When do we head for Salt Lake? How soon can we be at the coast?”

Balor folded the map and looked up into the slate sky.

      “Well... we can’t heat the damn thing much longer without tha solar panels hooked up... les jus sleep now an ‘ead fer the city tonight... s’nae tha far. We can pick up things we need... loose ourselves in tha crowd... s’naught hard in a place like that.”

 

Hermann could not toss and turn. Pain in his hip and the dead feeling in his leg made it difficult to do anything but lay flat on his back. It had become both tedious and uncomfortable. For at least the hundredth time, Hermann reached for where Newton was supposed to be in his bed and found nothing. He pulled his hand back with a soft sigh. He would do it again in fifteen minutes, just as he would forget where he was and panic, then remember at once and panic anyway. He closed his eyes and searched for sleep. Numbers did nothing, equations and lectures could not calm his brain or soothe his worn out body.

   Gottlieb labored for several minutes to lever himself upright. He pushed his bad leg over the side of the bed, turning his head to take in the camper. The twins were snoring on the fold out sofa bed. Despite the lumpy old mattress they looked comfortable, dead to the world. Sonia was splayed on her stomach, her mouth wide open, snoring like a contented pig. Howard was on his back, one arm over his eyes, the other over the side of the bed. His breath snorted out his nose, making little honking noises. Watching them breathe centered Hermann, made him feel safe, secure and just a little bit jealous. They had each other, they could still sleep easy. Balor was curled in the driver’s side seat. He had leaned it all the way backwards into a makeshift bed. Flood was such a short man that it actually worked well enough for his compact frame. He was snoring too, the noise buzz saw like. At least the three of them had one thing in common. Gottlieb whispered out loud to himself, rubbing at his leg and smiling.  

     “You three should get together and make a snore orchestra... a snorechestra, then maybe you could get along.”

This sounded like something Newt would have suggested. Hermann’s smile faded immediately.

 

He touched his calf delicately... he was almost sure he could feel pressure on his skin. Hermann had been doing this all day, just to remind himself there was a chance feeling was coming back. There was hope. The painkillers were hurting his stomach and making his brain as slow as molasses. He was attempting to take as few as possible. What he really needed was sleep, a few hours where he wasn’t thinking about Barlowe or Newton... or what Barlowe would do to Newton. Wincing at a particularly loud snort from the living room, Hermann picked up his duffle bag. Sonia had left it within arm’s reach just in case. Gottlieb emptied the contents of the bag on his bed. The weak winter sun shone through the bedroom window and illuminated his wrinkled clothes... the few things he had left in the world.

He folded a few of his sweaters absently and ran reverent fingertips over Newton’s laptop, setting it on the bedside table next to his own computer. He sorted his clothes, making little piles of socks, shirts and underwear. The mundane activity calmed the constant swirling dread in his stomach somewhat. He paused, long fingers curling around something small and metallic... Newton’s MP3 player. It was folded inside his well worn MIT sweatshirt, which had always been much too big for him.

Hermann raised the sweatshirt to his face and took a deep breath. A euphoric feeling swam through his veins. For a moment it felt like he was drifting all on his own. It smelled like Newton, that wonderful warm scent of hair gel, soap and skin. Pressing his face into it brought wave after wave of foggy blue memories.  Hermann pulled the sweatshirt over the sweater he was already wearing and put the rest of his things back neatly into the duffle. He moved his pillows where he could see Balor and the twins and curled up under the covers as best he could. The inside of the camper was freezing cold. They had been forced to turn the heat off. Hermann placed the MP3 buds in his ears and put the sweatshirt over his nose, breathing in the good Newt smell. It didn’t take long to find the song he wanted. Gustav Holst’s The Planets... Venus the bringer of Peace.

Newton’s musky scent wrapped around his brain as the music swallowed him up. The familiar sensation of falling that comes right before sleep snuck up and seemed to push him off the bed. Unlocked by Holst’s music, pictures started to filter through his mind’s eye, shuffling familiar images of a green field full of rabbits. The rabbits were made of silver light and one by one, they were leaping into the sky. They were leaping into the black sky to become glowing, bounding stars. Hermann continued to fall, further and further into the dark.

     “ _Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an end! `I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' `I must be getting somewhere near the center of the earth. Let me see_... _that would be four thousand miles down , I think.”_

     “Newton?”

Hermann looked around perplexed, rabbit-stars watching him as he fell past. Newton’s voice echoed all around him soft and sad. It sounded as if he was reading to himself from a book long locked in his own memory. Geiszler wasn’t speaking to him, his brain was just talking to itself and Hermann had stumbled onto it.

 _“  I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth. How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downward_... _”_

This didn’t feel quite like a shared dream... it felt more like Dream Theater. Hermann wasn’t sure if he was even completely asleep, he was far too lucid. But how could it be the Theater? They weren’t touching, Dream Theater usually only worked when they were in close proximity. Maybe this was just a way to strengthen the connection. Maybe the theater was just one path he could use to get in communication with Newton. Shared dreams were so confusing. They were just dreams and dreams were not always coherent... following their own logic. Hermann took a deep breath and let it out through his nose. Dream Theater... shared dreams... the brain was nothing but a maze and at the end of his maze was his partner.

   He landed on something hard with a whoosh of air and felt himself being pushed upwards. Turning to look the way came, he was startled to see a giant looking down at him. He was being held in Occam’s hand and the Jaeger’s friendly black eye mask was pointed squarely at him. The mech tilted its head slowly to the side, and the heavy creaking of its metal body sounded almost like a question. Hermann stood unsteadily, his arms wrapped around the Razor’s thumb. He blinked against the bright light of Occam’s headlamps.

    “Occam?”

The mech gave a slow, deliberate nod, his headlamp flipping off politely. The moon hung so close to Occam, it seemed like at any moment he would turn and bump his head against it, knock it out of the sky. Hermann smiled up at the Jaeger, stroking the cool metal under his fingers.

    “Occam... do you know where Newton is?”

The mech took a long time to answer, considered the question carefully, then nodded again and took a slow step forward, hand cupped around Hermann protectively.

He pointed into the distance, ahead of them stretched miles of open ocean.

     “Can you help me find him? Can you... can you take me to him?”

The Jaeger tilted his head forward, examining Hermann in much the same way Newt had examined the salamander in their first shared dream. He nodded again, and with a mighty push, waded towards the distant strains of music and the call of seabirds.

 

     “Doc... hey! ... wake up Doc!”

Hermann was sure that he had just closed his eyes, he felt a hand on his shoulder and the world appeared in front of him slowly. Too bright and too loud. The MP3 player made the warning beep that signaled it needed to be recharged. Hermann coughed, a strange headache swelling between his eyes. He took a long gasping breath like he had just surfaced from deep underwater.

    “There you go Doc. Breath! You weren’t breathing right... you scared me.”

Hermann felt a red anger rise up inside him that he could barely control. He had been on the way to Newton... this idiot had woken him up. His voice came out cold and much too even.

      “I was perfectly fine... until you decided to wake me up.”

Howard swallowed hard and drew his hand back looking hurt. 

      “I’m sorry... it was just the wheezing... you sounded like you could barely breathe... ”

Newt’s chest, his broken ribs Hermann realized. The tightened connection had a definite downside. Gottlieb sighed, demeanor softening immediately. He could feel the RV moving beneath him, jostling his hip and sending little vibrations of prickly pain through his back.

       “No...no... Howard I apologize. You were completely in the right... how long have we been driving?”

The Whateley twin seemed relieved and went down on his knees so he could look at Hermann face to face. He had a bottle of water and a painkiller ready.

       “You’ve been asleep... five hours? Maybe more?... Balor’s been driving for about an hour... it isn’t that far. Here... ”

He offered Gottlieb the pill and the water, giving him an encouraging smile. The interior of the little bedroom wasn’t quite dark. There was still some late afternoon daylight outside the closed blinds. Hermann took it and felt his eyebrows furrow. Five hours? How long had he dreamed of walking with Occam? It felt like he had been out for five minutes.

     “You can take this and go right back to sleep ok? I know you need it. Are you hurting really bad?”

Hermann took it thoughtfully and pushed himself up, removing the headphones from his ears.

     “No... I feel better. I would like to be awake when we enter the city. Could you please help me up Howard?”

Howard hesitated, waiting until Hermann had taken his painkiller before he did anything. Wrapping arms around his chest he lifted him up with a worried sigh.

     “Any feeling in the leg?”

     “…I….thought I felt more but I’m not sure If it is my imagination.”

With very deliberate steps the Whateley twin helped Hermann into the shared living space, easing him down cautiously onto the sofa. Sonia was at the dining table, staring vacantly out the window, totally lost in her own thoughts. The inside of the RV was quiet except for the music drifting from the front. Balor hummed along with some twangy country song, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel in time with the beat. Outside Salt Lake City began to creep like a cancer across the landscape.

It began with a forest of wind turbines. The UIS capital was powered almost exclusively off wind and solar power, only supplemented slightly by natural gas. The wind farm around Salt Lake was the biggest on the North American continent. It went on as far as Hermann could see, stretching far to the horizon where the sun was now setting. He could see the white outlines of the wind harvesters. Each tall as a skyscraper, turning propellers longer then semi-trucks. Pinwheels for Jaegers, turning and thrumming in the icy  wind. Hundreds of bone white sentries guarding the entrance to the capital city.

The slums of the city bled into the wind farm at the edges. People lived under the behemoths, using them to hang laundry lines and tent flaps. The poorest of the refugees here lived in worse conditions than any Hermann had seen in Hurricane. Everything was muddy and there was not a single tree anywhere... not a patch of anything green. Everything was industrial waste and unused train-tracks covered by an endless sea of the homeless. They were living in cars and makeshift shacks constructed of material as primitive as paper or plywood. Anything they could find to keep out the chill. As light left the sky he could see people beginning to make cooking fires. Dark figures gathered together and huddled around the smoldering bonfires, holding out their hands for a bit of warmth.

Once they were out of the slums the buildings started small, but grew rapidly. The very wealthy that had previously lived on the coasts pre-war had all seemed to agree privately that Salt Lake City  was the place to go. So they had went, and they had used the refugee workforce to build and build fast. Salt Lake’s population boom had taken it from 190,000 people pre-war to over three million people. All in ten short years. Gottlieb gagged a bit on his shock as they drove down a crowded street bursting with cars, people, and an above ground streetcar line.

     “I... I wasn’t expecting…. It's so huge.”

Howard craned his neck up, following the path of an enormous skyscraper until he couldn’t see it anymore. The enormity of the place pressed down on them from all sides. Balor was the only person who didn’t seem impressed. Sonia gasped as a ambulance went screaming past and took a few steps away from the window. Howard grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

      “Hey…its ok.”

      “Its just…if we got caught. We ran away…”

Hermann reached out as well and patted Sonia’s arm, trying to sound more sure then he felt.

     “We won’t Miss Whateley…”

Balor reached over to click off the radio, looking back briefly over his shoulder at them.

     “We don wanna be in the city proper, we’ll keep driving till we hit the industrial section. Close ta where they build the jaegers... ”

On all sides billboards lit up in brilliant shades of neon. A woman’s face that had to be six stories tall shown down from the side of an office building, her flashing grin advertising some kind of whitening toothpaste. Next to her massive blue letters asked the citizens of Salt Lake to “ _Remember Your taxes build our Future_!” Under the words stood two pilots saluted the UIS flag, a blue square with a red circle at its center surrounded by sixteen vivid white stars. A gigantic UIS Jaeger loomed behind them, looking impressive. Hermann smirked …the mech in the billboard was way beyond anything he believed they could actually build.

Hermann was used to big places. He had worked in Tokyo for many years and Hong Kong was every bit as intimidating... but there was something about this place. It was a cobbled mess, poorly planned and thrown together in a short time with cheap labor. It also was distinctly American in its chaos.

      “Have you been here before Balor?”

Flood nodded absently.

      “Aye... long time ago. Most ah this weren’t ere..”

The motor home chugged arduously through a roundabout and past a war memorial, an enormous bronze statue of the Jaeger Mammoth Apostle. Gottlieb had never cared for the design of the Apostle. He hadn’t been involved with Jaegers as much when it had been built, his focus almost entirely on the breach. Squinting at the plaque under the statue as they idled at a stop light he understood. The Mammoth Apostle’s crew had been natives, born and raised in the city. Balor pointed the RV towards an exit ramp.

     “We wanna ‘ead to Bountiful. Eh used to be it’s own town buh Salt Lake swallowed eh. Cities do tha when they geh big. Accordin ta the PPDC intel, thas where the production is don... we’ll find parts we need an... Well right enough.”

Sonia glanced over at him doubtfully, but Hermann was only half paying attention. He watched people walk down immaculate streets of a more affluent area. Some of them were wearing what appeared to be real silk. It was outrageous to think about. Silk was as rare as phoenix feathers. Even if you could find it, you would have to have an unfathomable amount of ration cards to afford just a yard, let alone some of the dresses these women were wearing.

A storefront encircled with bright incandescent lights had a giant screen in its plate-glass window, advertising Kaiju skin cell injections “For a more youthful appearance.” He was thankful when the buildings started to shrink again, the streets growing increasingly more gritty and smothered with graffiti. The shining, OZ-like glamour of the wealthy section had only made him angry.

     “I’m gonna drop yeh all off somewhere... come back an geh yeh after my business is done.”

Sonia frowned at him and walked up to the front of the RV leaning over the driver’s seat.

       “Yeah? Well maybe we won’t leave until you tell us what you're doing already!”

      “Don’ concern ye Red... ere.”

The engineer pulled the camper up to the front of a block of shops in a smaller residential area. Bountiful was quiet compared to the city proper, it’s old downtown lit up with Christmas decorations. Hermann kept forgetting it was early December.

       “See tha auto-Laundromat? Go in an do all tha laundry we gah piled up. I’ll meet you back there in an hour.”

Sonia gave her brother a look and he just nodded.

       “I should go with you Balor, I mean…”

       “NO boy. ALONE... jus... go do the laundry... I’ll be back in a few hours. Yeh keep outta trouble!”

There would be no arguing, the look on Balor’s face made that perfectly clear. Sonia huffed and stalked to the back grabbing the bags of laundry and Hermann’s laptop at his request. Each twin grabbed Gottlieb under an arm and lifted him down to the sidewalk. They watched the motor home pull away, disappearing around a corner into the depths of the city.

 

There was not a soul in the Laundromat when the twins half-carried Hermann through the door and helped him sit in a row of uncomfortable metal chairs near a defunct change machine. The place was lit with bright neon that hurt Gottlieb's eyes and made his skin look even more pale and waxy than usual, a feat he previously thought impossible. Hermann was still having trouble waking up completely from the Occam dream. He could almost hear Newton’s voice near his ear, still reading Alice in Wonderland in that listless voice.

     “What the hell is the garden gnome up to?”

     “Why wouldn’t he let me come is the question?”

      “What if he ditches us?”

Hermann shook his head slowly and watched Sonia separate the first bag of laundry into loads.

      “... Because it’s dangerous. Whatever it is, is dangerous. He doesn’t want us hurt.”

He fiddled with his cane thoughtfully.

      “You seem so sure.”

       “I’m not so confident munchkin man likes us so much.”

      “... It had something to do with the Carpathia. I trust him. And so should you.”

The twins looked at each other and shrugged at once. Howard sniffed at a pair of socks and gagged loudly, tossing them in an automated washing machine.

      “Whatever you say Doc.”

      “So…have you... have you felt or talked to Newton yet?”

Sonia slammed the door on the first load and stuffed her plastic ration card in the debit card slot to start it up, selecting a detergent to dispense from one of the machine buttons. Hermann looked at her curiously. He kept forgetting... others had the same connection that he had. They knew about shared dreams and feelings. He and Newton weren’t the only ones in the world like this. It was somewhat... reassuring.

       “I... a bit.”

       “When you both get stressed out it gets harder...at least that's how it works for us.”

Hermann juggled his cane from hand to hand and tried to adjust his leg to a more comfortable position. The leg brace was burdensome and hard to move when in an upright sitting position. Gottlieb put his computer on his lap and started it up. The Laundromat claimed to have free wi-fi for patrons and he was prepared to test it.

      “No... it’s different. It’s like he's drugged or... in some place I can’t reach him. I got close right before we arrived here... I approached it from a different direction... I’ll have to try again the same way.”

     “... do... do you think it's something they're doing to him?

He did. He did think they were doing something to him, but he was afraid to say the words out loud.

     “I’m not sure. But I feel like I’m... I’m going into some kind of strange stupor when he isn’t close... like I’m not all here. They aren’t hurting him at least. He doesn’t even feel scared... just...far away.”

The twins finished loading the machines and came to sit next to him, slumping down with a sigh. Hermann found the wi-fi password worked and immediately opened both his e-mail and a window where he could figure out how to transfer money from his recently discovered PPDC checking account into a private account he could actually use. They would have to convert most of it into ration cards later... 

       “He’s ok... maybe they won’t even hurt him at all.”

       “Barlowe could have been bluffing.”

        “Yeah maybe he’s just a dick and he was trying to get you to say what he wanted.”

        “Perk up Doc. Where’s that pep we know and love? It’ll be ok.”

Hermann listened to the swirl of a nearby dryer, the tumble of clothes. Laundry was a good subject for a hive lecture... but he couldn’t even bring himself to start it. He stared at the e-mail to Koosha, unsure where to begin. Dear Mr. Deghari…hope you are well. We are fugitives on the run…

         “Ok? …I wish I could believe that.”

 

As they walked down the brightly lit street towards the corner food ration trade-station, the twins suddenly stopped. They turned and Howard pulled Hermann along, facing whatever had distracted their attention in the first place. It was a shabby little building with a questionable set of cracked glass doors covered in tattered, sun bleached movie posters. Two large touch screen computers covered with scratches flickering wearily on either side of the doors. Once in awhile they would play some snippet of a movie before going back into a standard selection menu. Whatever it was they were looking at seemed to make the twins extremely excited, and they all but ran over, hauling Hermann like a side of beef towards the building and its display screens.

     “Holy crap!”

     “Oh man, I can’t believe it! We haven’t seen one of these since Vancouver!”

Hermann blinked, confused, his lips tightening into a scowl.

     “What is it?”

     “It’s a Juke-Cinema! Have you never seen one before?”

Hermann shifted a bit uncomfortably, leaning on Howard and his cane as he tried to get a better look at the nearest glowing screen.

      “I... no I’ve never seen one of these before.”  
Sonia smiled at him, her nose crinkling into a smile.

      “Basically you just pay a couple bucks at the door to sit in a room and they stream movies and newsreels 24/7. “

Howard took over, reaching out a hand to touch the screen.

        “But you can actually put something you want to see into the lineup if you pay a fee... see? The movies are priced by like... how new they are and how much people want to see them.”

        “So the movie goes into the cue and you just sit and wait for it to play... you have to sit through a lot of war propaganda to get to your movie usually but... ”

       “Me and Howard used to waste all our money programming the most RIDICULOUS stuff. Like whole days where it would just play like the worst movies.”

Howard started to laugh and Hermann couldn’t help but smile... the laugh was infectious.

     “Remember that time we spent like... one hundred dollars and had the theater just play Annie on a loop all day?”

Sonia started to laugh, snorting, gasping laughs.

      “No... No how about the time... we did My Dinner with Andre but we paid for the Cantonese language option without subtitles?”

Hermann looked again at the screen with fascination and Sonia smiled, putting her hand on his shoulder.

       “We have time... Tyrion Lannister won’t be back for awhile. Now that we got the accounts drained, we're flush with cash. Pick a movie Doc! The cue looks totally empty, we’ll sit through a couple newsreels and pig out on popcorn.”

     “That... sounds lovely actually.”

Hermann swiped through the genres and movies. He considered a few but then his eyes fell on one and his heart started to ache. He selected Godzilla and paid the nine dollar cue fee. Maybe Newt would see it with him. The idea calmed him. They walked in past the grungy concessions stand which, like the Laundromat and the movie front, was all based on an automated system. It was a wonder anyone could find a job now that touch screen systems seemed to run everything. The popcorn machine was broken and there was no staff around to fix it. They moved on disappointed. Hermann struggled with his theater seat, pin pricks of pain streaking up his leg. The theater was almost completely empty, a few lone people occupying seats here and there, some clearly trying catch up on their sleep.  They had walked in just as the previous movie ended, it's credits rolling into a newsreel. The Juke-cinema made sense really. When the economy had crashed and the refugees headed inland, most had no way to watch television and limited internet access. Aside from unreliable WI-fi and radio, which had also seen a rise in popularity during the war, theaters were one of the only places people could go for entertainment…and that included the news.

Gottlieb had never seen a newsreel before. During the war he had gotten all the news he wanted from internet periodicals... and really there was not much news he wanted to hear. He was at the ground level. He knew when the Kaiju were coming before the press did. He didn’t need more sensationalism in his life, and any other news always seemed to concern the Wall of Life, a subject he avoided like the plague.

     “Two PPDC Pilots have been reported dead in a skirmish on the UIS/USA Border this week. What follows is footage gleaned from USA news and interviews with top PPDC officials. While this is a victory for the UIS it….”

The twins on either side of him glanced at Hermann uncomfortably and back up at the screen.  A reporter stood in what was easily recognizable as Fort Tempest. She was talking to Blackburn but Hermann was barely catching a word of it, His heart starting to pound unsteadily in his ears.

      “We lost two valuable pilots to a random UIS attack. Hermann Gottlieb and Newton Geiszler were on a routine patrol when the UIS Jaeger Black Roger attacked. There was a scuffle and as far as we can tell from spotty information, the Razor fought back and was able to hold Roger off until The Squall Damascus came to its aid.”

The UIS announcer appeared again, yammering on about how even though the Black Roger was destroyed the deaths of the USA’s two pilots was by far the bigger loss. They were trying to declare it a victory for themselves. Hermann realized he was breathing too loud and too hard. Sonia gripped his hand and whispered to him.

     “Doc?...”

The world went red when the next clip started... the announcer didn’t need to tell him who it was. He knew exactly what he was looking at. The camera was kind, his father looked younger than his actual age. The man was seventy-five but did not look a day over forty. His shoulders were strong and his face lined with years of disapproval. Barlowe stood at his elbow and his nose was covered in a thick bandage, purple skin visible around the edges. This had been filmed very recently... they had only been on the run a few days... Seeing Barlowe and his father together brought on a familiar lightheadedness. His heart seized and he could imagine his blood pressure climbing. Lar’s Gottlieb stood at the podium and faced a mass of reporters. He could command a room. He always could.

     “My son is dead.”

He paused, letting it sink in. Letting it roll around for dramatic effect.

     “My son is dead and he died in combat. There is no other word applicable to what has occurred. Despite the borders being neutral territory... my son was attacked and killed by an enemy combatant. The border patrols are not enough. We must consider putting more resources into developing better Jaegers. Stronger Jaegers like the Shrike Rapture.”

Hermann felt his limbs shaking, what little food he had eaten boiling inside his stomach. There was a very real chance he would vomit right here in the theater. Deep in his head the hive bristled, and far away in that cold sleepy place where he seemed to be stranded, Newton shivered. His father was lying... twisting everything into something he could use. The UIS was eating it up, they wanted to fight just as badly as the PPDC…this was just the fuel they needed to fan the fire.

      “Major Barlowe, Basir Deghari and myself will be in further communications with the United Nations and the Allies of the USA. I am coming out of my semi-retirement... ”

Hermann tried to stand up, gasping in pain and struggling to keep upright against the heavy numbness in his leg. Sonia jumped up and pushed under his arm. She could see his panic and whispered through bared teeth to her brother.

     “Howard grab the laundry...”

The Whateley twin looked back, squinting at the screen as he picked up the bags of clean clothes.

     “Doc…that's your dad? Did he say Deghari?... isn’t that Koosh’s last name?”

Hermann was hyperventilating. His father’s face stretched above him on the screen, his voice booming in his ears.

       “I will work tirelessly to see this world united. That is my dream... ”

The cold outside air smelled of city. Hermann leaned heavily on the wall, Sonia still supporting him as he took in huge gasping breaths. She stroked his back, making soft soothing sounds.

        “Stop... stop I’m fine... I’m FINE…we can g-go back in and see the movie now…It’s just”

He rubbed at his face.

         “Barlowe had told me that Newton and I had been declared dead... I just never... never thought…”

Sonia leaned down to help him back towards the theater door but stopped when her cell buzzed. Pulling it from her pants pocket she opened it to read the text message. Gottlieb felt her body go rigid, muscles tense. 

          “Umm... Balor says we need to meet him right now... he tried to spell emergency... but he spelled it so badly I actually believe it is an emergency... come on we need to get back to the Laundromat... ”

 

The RV was waiting for them, the door open. The parts of the Siren Carpathia were still strapped tightly to the top but it was obvious that part of the tarp had been folded back. Hermann felt a bit of relief shine through the cloudy haze obscuring his mind. Balor hadn't lost them. Howard chucked the bags of clothes up the stairs and helped his sister lift Gottlieb up into the cab. There was a metallic tang in the air. Hermann knew it immediately.

     “Took yeh long enough!”

Balor stared at them, his nose bleeding and his eye a pulped mess of tissue and blood. He gritted bloody teeth, his arm laying limp as he tried to start the car. Hermann and the twins gaped in disbelief at the blood falling to the side of the driver’s side seat in soft drops, making small plip-plip noises as it struck the thin carpet.

     “What the hell happened hobbit man??”

     “Where did you go?!”

     “What did you DO?”

There was the far off sound of police sirens and Balor looked towards them, his good eye huge as he revved the engine.

     “I... I’ll tell yeh later... I-”

Sonia ran to the front, staring blankly at the blood on the windshield, the steering wheel, and the driver’s seat.

     “Is all this yours? Where are you hurt?”

Balor gestured to his side and gave a hacking cough.

     “Eh... Shot at... nicked mah arm.”

Hermann shook his head and focused, pushing Howard toward the kitchen.

      “First aid kit... Sonia you drive. Balor, you’ll bleed out.”

Flood considered and finally nodded, weakly pushing himself out of his seat. Sonia helped him towards the dining table, her eyes wide, skin pale.

      “Red girl we gahta book eit outta here afore they get us... jus... jus DRIVE now!”

Sonia whined unhappily, squeamish of sitting in a big puddle of Balor’s blood. Hermann didn’t blame her for that.

      “WHO? Who is gonna get us!?”

      “DRIVE!”

The roar seemed too big to come out of such a tiny man and Hermann jumped, startled, noting Howard did much the same thing. Pulling off his bloody shirt, the little engineer stuffed the fabric into the bullet wound in his arm, gritting his teeth. He reached a shaky hand into his jeans pocket, pulling out his familiar silver flask. He had Jaegers tattooed on his chest down to his stomach, the sight reminding Hermann painfully of Newton. The RV pulled forward with a jolt and Sonia hit the gas, heading for the nearest exit out of the city.

Howard knelt close, trying desperately to keep his balance in the bouncing motor home. He put a hand on the table and Hermann struggled over, pulling himself painfully into the booth seat opposite. He knew he wouldn’t be much help but...he hated feeling useless. Balor took a long swig from the flask and let out a gagging noise, wincing at the strength of whatever liquor he was hoarding.

     “Alright... alright... yer gonna ave tae heat up something metal ta cauterize eh... if I geh an infection we cannae go to a hospital. Make sure whatever yeh do is clean...”

Howard raised both eyebrows and from the front, Sonia pulled ahead of a slower moving car, getting some angry honks for her trouble. They both spoke at once.

     “WHAT?”

     “Are you out of your goddamn mind, Mini-me?!”

      “Yeh wanna keep yer eyes on tha road there Freckles! Gonna geh as all killed!”

      “SHE'S GONNA GET US ALL KILLED?”

Hermann took a long deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, searching for some tranquil thought he could draw strength from.

        “EVERYONE. QUIET. NOW.”

The twins and Balor all shut up immediately and looked at him, Sonia briefly averting her eyes from the road before she bit her lower lip. Hermann nodded and spoke in a steady, even voice, looking from one person to the next as he did.

     “Alright... everybody... calm down. Sonia, if you drive fast we may draw attention to ourselves and be pulled over. We do not want to crash, please drive the speed limit. Balor. Let us see the severity of your wound before we commit to burning it shut with super heated metal... Howard... could you dampen his shirt with a bit of water? We need to clean it first and stitches will probably be necessary.”

Howard took the shirt from Balor and went to the sink to dampen the red stained fabric. Gottlieb took the moment to lean over. There were clear entry and exit wounds in Balor's bicep. He could see where the bullet had gone in and out, tearing muscle and blood vessels as it went. It could have been much worse... but the bleeding needed to be stopped. He found himself reaching out and taking the older man’s hand, still slippery with his own blood. He squeezed it and Flood looked into his eyes... he did not pull his hand away.

     “I... I ad tae make sure ‘Ermann. I been with the PPDC fer a long time... I... ”

     “Did you try and sell them the Carpathia parts?  That’s why you brought them isn’t it?”

  Balor looked drowsy and Hermann pulled the flask from his hand before he could take another drink from it.

     “No more... you need water... ”

Balor pushed at his hair and opened his mouth several times, trying to speak but not finding the words. Howard wiped the blood from his arm and the engineer hissed in pain.

      “Nae no action star... I’m an old man... Sean see me now he’d laugh... buh I ad to know.”

He hung his head and squeezed Hermann’s hand tightly, trying not to show how much it hurt him when Howard cleaned the bullet wounds.

      “They knew where tha parts were coming from... The PPDC were selling em... they lied. The border patrol... they probably don care if yeh catch smugglers tracking people an drugs... buh is all jus a cover... an... ”

Hermann bit the sore place on his tongue to keep his mind steady. To keep his scattered attention focused on Balor.

        “Why... why help the UIS build Jaegers... did they mean for Newton and I to... ”

Balor shook his head.

       “Nah... nah they were keeping yeh where they could see you... somewhere small. Away from water. If Barlowe thought yeh could control Kaiju eh probably wanted yeh to be as far away from an ocean as possible... eh were waiting fer something like yer monster ta happen... just to prove... ahhh FUCK.”

Howard pulled back from probing the wound gently with a flashlight.

      “I’m sorry sir... Sonia and I just have basic med training from the guard... ”

       “Nah boy... s'alright.”

Sonia kept looking back nervously over her shoulder, but Hermann gave her his best reassuring smile.

     “They didn’t mention you or the twins in the news that we saw. Officially... Newton and I are dead.”

Balor looked at him, his blue eyes practically glowing in the light of the tiny kitchen.

     “Nah... nah fer long. We gah ta tell the world... bout everything. I ‘ad ta find out I... ”

He looked about ready to pass out and Hermann felt at a loss.

     “... Newton is... I have to... ”

    “Nah... boy we’ll go tae the ocean... I ave an idea.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Elias for doing a Beta read-through and Geniusbee for being generally helpful in helping me get through this chapter.


	20. At the Altar of the Beast

     “Did you ever hear of a book called “Where the Red Fern Grows” Doc?”

Hermann heard the question but took a moment to answer Sonia, could not break away from the world flying past the passenger side window. He wasn’t sure how much of Washington’s forests were clear-cut before the war, but now the state was full of treeless bald patches. Lumber was valuable and conservation the last thing on anyone’s mind. It was small wonder the earth’s weather had become a worsening problem the last decade. The atmosphere was burdened heavily with particulate and Kaiju blue while carbon sucking trees were plucked like daisies.

        “No. I’m guessing it’s a Canadian novel?”

        “American. Kids book. Howard and I read it as kids….”

Adjusting himself in the passenger seat Hermann bit his tongue before he could add “you still are kids.” He held his hands in front of a heat vent and basked in the air rushing out of it. Balor had managed, with one arm no less, to get the solar panel activators working again. They now had the luxury of blasting as much heat as they wanted.

     “It’s stuck with me. I had a battered copy I carried around during Academy...looking at you now reminds me of… well, I’m just worried…”

Rain slapped against the windshield, the bare patches of clear cutting in the forest surrounding the old road finally starting to fade…closing like old wounds. Hermann trailed fingers over the collar of his ranger’s jacket and for the hundredth time in so many days he rubbed his calloused thumb over the metal button there. It was his good luck charm, an irreplaceable totem for things lost. He privately mourned losing the peppermint Newton had given him during their first test-run in Occam. It was still duct-taped to the inside of his drift-suit as far as he knew.

     “Why? Why would a children’s book remind you of me?…”

      “Ok…it’s like about this kid who really wants some hunting dogs. So he works hard and he gets them and he trains them. And these dogs work together as a unit…they’re inseparable. They’re like the drift compatible version of dogs. Then this cougar attacks and kills one of the dogs and the other one just….stops eating and she dies. She dies because she’s so sad.”

Hermann rubbed his cold hands together trying to warm his fingers and quirked an eyebrow. In the back of the motor home he could faintly hear Balor and Howard snoring, having taken their turn driving up front just a few hours before. Hermann couldn’t drive with his bad leg but he felt it only fair he keep Sonia company.

     “That’s a very grim story for children.”

     “Well I’m paraphrasing I mean…there’s more to it and it’s for like…slightly older kids? Anyway the point is. I don’t want you to end up like that stupid dog ….if we can’t…if we can’t…”

He turned to look out the window again voice level.

      “…If we can’t save Newton.”

Sonia didn’t take her eyes from the road, her jaw tight and her eyes shining. It was still very early in the morning, Howard and Balor had driven all night. They had barely stopped since leaving Salt Lake City. Only pulling over once to fix the RV and pick up some rations at a small trade store on the highway. Crossing the border had not been as difficult as they had originally thought. Howard had found an old logging road and they had carefully navigated through decimated bits of forest, finding their way back to the main road once they were safely in the USA. The moment they had touched Washington soil it had started to rain and had not stopped since.

     “…Did these dogs also remind you of yourself and your brother?”

The Whateley twin clenched the steering wheel white knuckled, taking in a sharp breath. Hermann watched the cold Pacific Northwest downpour pound the windshield. The warm cab and the thrum of the engine made him feel drowsy and slow.

      “That’s why the book stuck with you isn’t it?...You wonder what would happen if you lost Howard.”

      “…N-no. I won’t…we won’t.”

     “It hurts to contemplate. I know…it was something we gave up when we agreed to this. I never grasped the sacrifice that Rangers really make. We are giving part of ourselves to another person. I never…I never understood it was a piece I would never get back.”

Sonia sniffled and wiped her face on her shoulder. Hermann wanted to lean over and touch her but he had finally found a position in the seat that didn’t hurt his hip and it would be next to impossible to find it again.

      “I won’t end up like the dog and neither will you. Newton is alright.”

      “Yeah…yeah the re-animator is tough. When he had his bad accident…He didn’t talk for weeks. He was like a zombie. It scared us. But eventually he started to joke around again. I remember how happy Mrs. M was when he smiled for the first time afterward. With the frozen-face thing we didn’t think he would ever smile again.”

Gottlieb looked back to make sure Balor couldn’t hear. The man was still recovering from the gunshot wound in his arm. He lay sprawled on the big bed at the back of the camper, dead to the world.

     “Did you know him? Sean Patrick?”

     “A little. We tended to avoid Sean because he was with Balor all the time…and Balor has always been a bit of a prick. He just got worse after the accident.”

The both went quiet, falling into a companionable silence, the swishing of the windshield wipers creating a beautiful ambient noise with the tapping of rain on glass. Sonia cleared her throat to say something several times then finally blurted.

      “Why would your dad do that? Say you were dead? I mean he’s your _dad_.”

Hermann flinched outside and in cutting her off in a curt clipped voice.

      “I’d rather not talk about my father miss Whateley…”

She opened her mouth to argue or…possibly apologize but stopped when a sign appeared on the side of the windswept road in front of them. It was green and the headlights spilled over the gold lettering in a radiant flash.

      “ _Welcome To Aberdeen. Come as you Are_.”

Sonia beamed and honked the horn twice as she gave a whoop.

     “We will thank you!”

Hermann couldn’t help but smile with her as they entered the city proper.

 

“What are we looking for exactly?”

 “Some good place tae hide.”  
Balor’s voice was raspy with sleep and cigarettes. He cradled his arm to his chest and leaned over Sonia’s shoulder as she negotiated a treacherous road down towards the ocean. Howard was still passed out but Balor had woken up when Sonia pulled the RV over in tiny downtown Aberdeen to figure out their next move. He was groggy and out of sorts but proving to be more patient with Sonia then he usually was. Hermann wondered how much of that was gratitude for the twins kindness after Salt Lake City. They had helped him with his injuries and cleaned up the bloody mess he had made in the cab of the motor home. They even managed to keep the snarky complaints at a minimum.

     “I’m about to run out of road Papa Smurf!”

    “Mmmm...we jus need somewhere, an old building out ah the way to….stop!”

The RV ground to a screeching halt. Sonia anxiously flung out an arm to keep Hermann from falling forward out of his seat.

     “Jesus Hoggle! Next time give me a bit more warning!”

Balor didn’t answer her. He was gazing past the wet streaked glass out into the dead end. In the quiet Hermann could hear the ocean on the other side of a thick swatch of old trees and the sound made his chest tighten in anticipation. Strange thoughts that weren’t his own rippled from the Hive part of his brain. They were coming to meet him. He didn’t know how many. It was difficult to tell, but he could sense Kaiju moving swiftly towards him, hugging the coast, swimming rapidly through choppy dark water. The main feeling from them was joy, a sense of anticipation. They were finally meeting a loved one after a long absence. It warmed him inside and he wished Newton could have felt it.

     “Where are you going? It’s pelting out there! At least put on a damn coat!”

Balor ignored her and Hermann was startled back to reality when the motor home door slammed shut. The engineer stumped through the wind and rain up to a roadblock that Gottlieb had not noticed before. Flood tore the overgrown weeds from it and squinted at something that neither he nor Sonia could see. With an effort the stocky man kicked the roadblock down and grinned back at them. He gestured for Sonia to drive into a dark sheltered roadway nearly hidden with low hanging branches. She glanced questioningly at Hermann and he just frowned back unsure what to make of it. Balor climbed the RV steps dripping wet and shivering.

     “Go on missy is jus wha we’re looking for!”

The Whateley twin pulled the RV around reluctantly but didn’t argue. The roadway was so overgrown it was more like a tunnel. The bounced over the uneven ground, shocks jittering. Hermann clenched his teeth and grabbed onto the seat trying to keep his leg still.

     “Balor. What did you see?”

     “These things popped up all over tha coast in tha beginning ah the war. I never thought there would be one out ere buh we gah lucky!…any port in a storm...I beh the locals don come anywhere near eh an with any luck it’ll be in good nuff shape we can find something worth tha trip!”

Sonia gave an exasperated sigh narrowing her eyes into the dim rainy light and thick tree cover. There was no clear cutting out here apparently. Everything was gnarled and huge and ethereal.  A primeval forest lost in time.

     “I was ‘oping we’re find an old house or abandoned hotel on tha coast. Given ‘ow empty most ah these places are buh this is even BETTER.”

The RV was moving uphill now, struggling to get up a steep incline and onto a small cliff overlooking the Ocean. Sonia stopped at a metal gate blocking the road, it hung loosely off its hinges and Balor chuckled touching her shoulder with his good hand.

      “Ram eh Red! Eh’s bout ta go anyway!”

      “Umm…Will do captain Ahab…if you say so.”

Hermann held on for dear life as Sonia backed up slowly and went at the gate full tilt. With a deafening crunch it came undone from the muddy ground and fell over flat, allowing the old motor home inside. Passing through one last stretch of densely packed trees they burst out into the open. Sonia screamed and yanked the steering wheel violently. The camper screeched and swerved to the side as they narrowly avoided crashing right into a gigantic statue, a stone Kaiju poised and ready to strike in the center of a cracked overgrown parking lot.

     “Holy FUCK!”

The motor home tipped dangerously, swaying back and forth on its wheels before it finally came to a stop. Howard was knocked off the sofa and he lay on the floor blinking confused at the ceiling.

     “Wha? WHA HAPPEN!?”

Hermann stared wide eyed out into the pelting rain. Hand on his chest trying to get his breath back. Balor just seemed to find the whole situation funny. He laughed until tears were streaking down his already damp face. Rainwater trickled from his curly hair as he shook his head at the three of them.

     “Hahaha…priceless tha lot of yeh!...ahahaha…”

Sonia finally found her voice, prying her hands from the steering wheel she punched Balor’s hurt arm hard as she could.

     “You absolute DICK! What the hell is this? Where are we?”

Starting the camper back up Sonia pulled away from the statue. Shining the headlights on its snarling face and raised claws. It was cracked and overgrown with lichen and moss but definitely recognizable as the Kaiju Scissure. Balor rubbed at his bullet wound swearing under his breath.

     “S’an ole Waystation….you know a Beacon building. Fer the First Church ah the Holy Beast.”

More statues materialized around them. Reckoner leered at them from another part of the parking lot while Clawhook grinned from a mass of overgrown bushes. Then the Church building itself appeared, perched on the very edge of the cliff overlooking the ocean. It was huge. Its exterior made of charred driftwood and blackened metal. Vast, partially broken stained glass windows faced outwards, exposing the building to the rough stormy water of the Pacific. On either side of the building’s entrance sculptures of Hundun and Karloff loomed, each holding up a part of the façade. Nothing about this place was the least bit friendly. Sonia shook her head and parked the RV a short distance from the entrance.

     “No…no no no no…NO way am I staying anywhere close to a…a Cult clubhouse!”

     “Balor this is BuenaKai bullshit! That is numero uno no messing aroundo”

     “Its creepy central is what it is!”

Balor rolled his eyes but Hermann was more than ready to agree with the twins. The place was so… elaborate. The attention to detail, love and money that went into the churches construction was disconcerting, the idea of staying here unnerving.

      “Now look…Yeh saw how disused tha road an the roadblocks? After tha war lots ah these places were disbanded and this one’s clearly been abandoned yeh? Nae a better place in the world tae hide out. They built these things tae greet the Kaiju when they came to land an tha means there was people living here full time. Probably real beds an such in there…we cannae jus live in tha camper indefinitely. S’to small fer four people an I gah a good idea bout how we can use this place.”

Hermann looked back at the Beacon church again. The twins were pale and clearly shaken. He was not bothered as much, having few interactions with the cultist and their strange beliefs. They had a large following in Hong Kong yes but he was surprised to find something so complex out here in the middle of nowhere.

     “We should at least explore it…”

He had no sooner gotten the words out then the twins were arguing. Hermann continued slowly raising his voice to be heard.

     “It’s obviously abandoned and…Balor is correct. No one would look for us here and it is…it is near the ocean.”

Sonia and Howard looked at each other, both sucking in a deep breath and letting it out in tandem.

     “Well I’m not sleeping in there.”

      “I’m not doing much of anything in there…”

      “Except pissing on the lectern. I might do that.”

      “Or spray-painting curse words on the pews…but otherwise...”

 

Considering the state of the road leading up to the “First Church of the Holy Beast” Beacon station, the inside was in surprisingly good shape. With his arm around Howard Hermann staggered through the front door and into the dark interior. Their strange three-legged gait caused soft puffs of dust to rise from the front foyer's blood red carpet. A dry fountain with a grinning marble sculpture of the Kaiju Raythe sat at the center of the church rotunda. Behind it was an enormous door made of what looked like polished bone. Balor was already wandering off down a side hall. Sonia curiously prodded a plush black curtain and shook her head with a snort at a corkboard that seemed to be full of activity announcements. Something you expected to see in any church except this one.

   Howard walked them both through the bone doors and Hermann gazed about the interior of the chapel itself. It must have been grand in its glory days. Another fountain, complete with three more Kaiju sculptures, stood at the front of the place on a raised stage. He could see where water would have run down the statues in smooth rivulets…with the right light the motion of the water would have made them seem like they were alive and moving. Trespasser skulked at the head of the trinity. His claws raised, his mouth open as if caught mid-roar. To his left Hardship posed reverently. His face raised upwards, the two cutting scythe like appendages protruding from his chest pressed together as if in prayer. To Trespasser’s right was the hulking shape of a Kaiju Hermann believed was called Kaiceph. He was sure that some of Newton’s extensive knowledge of Kaiju statistics had puddled in his brain during their extended time together. He could almost feel the useless information well up from the depths, threatening to spew out his mouth. Kaiceph was bowed and heavy…all horns and mouth and shoulders. He was looking down at the ground…at a tiny sculpture of a human Gottlieb realized as they drew closer. He was looking at it as if in judgment, which was of course exactly what he was doing.

Every church or temple had three judges. Hermann remembered this from an informative piece the BBC had done about the church. He struggled to recall the details. It had been many years since he had watched it. Not all of the factions had the same three judges...he knew that much. Some chose the first three out of the breach. Some chose them based on number patterns or signs from their chosen holy book. For whatever reason, this particular church faction had chosen Trespasser, Hardship and Kaiceph as their official judges of sin. These three Kaiju would look at a man’s soul after death...or before…and know if they were worthy.

 He and Howard walked down the center of the carved black wood pews through the hush of neglect. Hermann lay a hand on one of the pews and pulled at the Whateley lightly.

     “Let me just sit down…I’m feeling rather worn out.”

      “Are you…are you sure Doc?”

      “Yes, I only slow you down and I’d like to rest a moment.”

Howard frowned at the dusty pew before he gave in and lowered Gottlieb down onto the hard wooden seat. He helped him adjust his brace and patted his shoulder. Sonia climbed the stage and looked out over the chapel from the podium in front of Trespasser.

     “This place is awful. Like awful in every way a place can be awful…”

Balor appeared in the doorway. Pulling his cigarette lighter from his hip pocket he walked towards them lighting candles as he went. Despite the fact it was only just noon the chapel was very dark. The Washington coast in winter was a dismal place to be, grey and full of constant rainfall. Only a few beams of watery light managed to glow behind the big stain glass windows, sending random scatterings of color over the Kaiju and the twins. Balor lit the squat thick red candles that stood on either side of the podium. The flames flickered over the murals covering the ceiling. Each of the paintings depicted a different Kaiju rising from the ocean or swimming up from the depths of the breach, the rift into another world.

     “This place’ll work…now all we need ‘s a good internet connection, a serviceable camera an yer Kaiju Doc.”

Sonia sat on the edge of the stage and kicked her feet looking down at Balor with an eyebrow raised.

     “For your plan? Do tell…”

    “Yeah I mean. All the sudden your so gung-ho about us getting to the ocean.”

    “And this place is really only perfect for setting on fire…Lets do that when we leave.”

Hermann watched Balor walk in slow circles around the inside of the chapel a stupid smile plastered on his stubbly face. He seemed to look past the horrific art and grotesque imagery at something the three of them couldn’t see.

     “We gah ta show the world tha PPDC don matter anymore. Tha “Ermann an Inkstain ave tamed the monsters an the only ones left are all a bunch ah lies.”

Gottlieb pursed his lips and stared into the orange flame of the nearest candle.

      “How?...I won’t have the Hive used…I will not see them hurt Flood.”

Sonia snorted disdainfully and rolled her eyes. Balor just chuckled and raised his arms up as if none of them had said anything.

      “We’ll make videos…broadcast em online…send em tae the news! We’ll make sure everyone in tha world knows bout what happened in Hurricane and see how tha Kaiju aren’ a danger anymore. We’ll talk bout tha smuggling, the war-profiteering and how they gah Inky locked up fer no damn reason! “

 Hermann ran his fingers over the dusty cover of a hymn book in the pew in front of him. He choked out an answer, his voice hot with stress and repressed emotion.

      “Oh yeah? Why should they believe us Balor? Hmm? ”

      “Cause yer alive! The PPDC said ye were dead. They told tha whole world in interviews! They think we’re gonna hide out buh we won’t. Yer gonna prove em as frauds…yer Kaiju are coming yeah? What better proof is there!”

The chapel went quiet. Balor growing frustrated when no one seemed as enthused about his idea as he was. Sonia finally answered him, sounding as unenthusiastic as she possibly could.

     “Seems like a pretty easy way to get caught showing where we are on camera short stack.”

Balor barked his reply loudly and the chapel seemed to amplify it to uncomfortable levels.

     “Well wha else are we gonna do? If we jus hide eventually they’ll kill tha boy an then…”

He stared at Hermann meaningfully.

     “This ein’t like a movie..we cannae go busting in doors an sneaking past security guards. The _truth_ an the media’s all tha weapons we got…Unless yeh wanna send yer Kaiju friends out again eh?”

Hermann swallowed and shook his head averting his gaze from Floods’s.

      “….If it is all we can do…but Balor look at all this.”

He gestured frantically around to the scenes of destruction painted on the walls and burned into the windows.

      “This is how the world perceives them…THIS is how people view Kaiju. They are _monsters_. Nothing I say or do can persuade a world damaged by war and by nightmares….”

The engineer looked around again and sauntered over to Hermann. He sat in the pew in front of him, leaning over it and gazing into the Ranger’s gaunt face.

     “Ah…buh yeh saw wha happened in Helsinki.  There was revolution there and in California. Tha PPDC needs tha Kaiju…without em they cannae inspire the fear they need tae keep going….thas why they need the Jaeger in the UIS. They need an enemy to fight…buh people are tired. Tha world is tired…nae more fighting. Give em some proof tha its time to let the Jaeger go….and nae with violence either.”

The twins watched Hermann expectantly their soft faces shining with candlelight. The freckled starry patterns jumping in the oscillating glow.

       “Yeh helped create em ‘Ermann…so did I…buh their time is over…we gah to end it.”

Hermann whispered low and scared looking past Balor’s face into the distance. The Hive were almost to him. They were getting closer and closer…pushing through the cold and rain. He could feel them so clearly now.

        “What…if they won’t listen…what if I’m only hurting Newton?”

        “Then…yeh tried. Yer only a single man and can only do yer best…nae more nae less.”

Wrapping his hand firmly around the handle of his cane Hermann looked from Howard to Sonia.

          “What do you two think? I will not do it without you.”

The twins looked at each other. Howard gave Sonia an encouraging smile wiggling his eyebrows and scrunching up his nose. She just sighed miserably and nodded.

          “If you think it’s right…we’ll do whatever you think Doc.”

          “We’ll get to be on camera right?”

          “…You’ll have to work hard to capture my best side. Both are so good I’m not even sure which it is…”

Hermann nodded resignedly running unsteady fingers through his shaggy hair. 

             “Then that’s what we’ll do. We’ll tell people the truth. Show them the Kaiju.”

Balor nodded excitedly giving his yellowed cigarette stained smile.

            “Good. Jus gaht tae figure this place out..geh a wireless connection going…make sure we’re good an hidden…Twins..yeh come with meh. There’s more levels down below an we may as well explore em.”

Sonia jumped down from the stage and looked worriedly at Hermann. He just smiled and waved her off.

            “I’ll be fine here…”

She seemed unconvinced but Howard grabbed her arm and pulled her forward, eager to explore the rest of the church. They disappeared out a side door partially hidden by a cloth wall hanging. Hermann let his shoulders droop. He squeezed his eyes shut and sucked in a labored breath through his teeth. When Balor had stolen the pain meds he had not grabbed any of his blood pressure medication. He was almost out and it was going to catch up with him sooner or later. He had not told anyone…it was not another thing they needed to worry about. He just felt…exhausted. Drained in a way he could not even begin to describe, a deep weariness that no amount of sleep could cure.

His head sagged forward. The rain continued to fall against the windows, the candles sent shadows across the statues. He pulled his arms into his jacket and wrapped himself tight in it. He would close his eyes…for just a moment.

  

     “ _You would do that for me?...I mean you would that with me?_ ”

Hermann looked from the body of Otachi to the drift computer and back at Newton. Newton, with his broken glasses…his bloodied noise. He looked so lost and hopeful all at once. Hermann knew what he was supposed to say in response. He had only thought about this moment a thousand times since the night they had closed the breach. Only walked through every step from the instant the squid cap had slipped onto his head to the blue madness of their first drift. This was the moment they establishing a connection that would change the course of his entire life. Hermann deviated from the script and walked closer to Geiszler, face burning.

     “…Newton. I’m trying to find you…”

He reached out into the cold wet Hong Kong night to touch this partner’s outstretched hand and the vision vanished. Disappearing like a reflection on rippling water. Everything around him vanished, becoming a blank grey canvas where a world could be painted. In front of Gottlieb loomed a wall of white fog. It was dense and moved in strange patterns, wriggling like a living thing. Hermann backed up a step, bumping against something huge and metallic. Occam’s foot. The mech looked down at him attentively and gestured forward. The first tendril of freezing fog snaked around Hermann’s ankle, moving up his pant leg and numbing the skin wherever it touched.

     “He’s in there?...in the fog?”

Occam nodded slowly. Metal groaning as he slowly lowered himself down one knee, bringing his enormous face to Hermann’s level. The Ranger could see his own reflection in the Jaeger’s face-mask. He looked small and scared in the glaring white of this empty universe.

     “Can you not come with me?”

Occam shook his head and pushed a finger against Hermann’s back very gently, urging him forward…nearly lifting him from the ground in the process.

      “I…alright...”

Taking a last look back Hermann moved slowly into the fog, he could walk here at least. His leg seemed to have all its feeling back. Occam faded, first becoming a vague shape in the mist then disappearing altogether. The mist coiled and wriggled around Gottlieb’s face and eyes. Tickling his nose and caressing the skin of his neck. Voices echoed from the far reaches of the fog but Hermann could feel a kind of pull in his stomach and knew well enough to ignore the distractions. The whispers were his father…his brother…Barlowe. There were murmurs of his fights with Newton. Not the bickering…the actual fights. The late night arguments that had real hate behind them. They were painful and brought on by frustration, exhaustion and…he could admit it now…more than a little bit of sexual tension. Gottlieb remembered with no small amount of bitterness how not even half a year before done everything humanly possible to block Newt from his mind and push him out of his heart. This felt like punishment…and he most likely deserved it.

     _“Maybe if you actually were ninety something years old this would be tolerable but you aren’t! You just want to criticize other people to make yourself feel worthwhile!”_

Hermann didn’t stop but the words still stung. In the wavering haze he could almost make out the grey ethereal forms of himself and Newton screaming at each other across an invisible boundary constructed of trepidation and yellow tape.

     “ _Geiszler you care for no one but yourself! Your only concern is your own legacy! Your own achievements! The whole world must know that you are a genius! That is your only goal!”_

     The voices faded…there was more screaming. More empty threats and hurt feelings, years of repression and misunderstandings. He heard Vanessa crying and the dark unsettling tones of his father.

     “ _You understand that if you denounce my plan…you are denouncing yourself as my son?”_

This voice almost got him to turn…to stop and look for the source but he pushed onward. The connection to Newt was growing stronger…he was getting closer with every stride. Why was Newt in this cold miserable world in the first place? It was full of reminders of wasted time, of his stubborn refusal to let the man in and of Newton’s cocky self-sure attitude that had made him hesitant in the first place. His fear of what his father would think…what the world would say. Then…In the milky white distance, in the fog of strange half-remembered shapes Hermann saw something small and solid.

     “Newton?!”

The shape grew more concrete the closer he came, its outlines obscured only slightly by the frigid mist. The little biologist sat on the ground legs drawn to his chest. He was missing his glasses and his usually wild hair lay in a limp damp mess. Hermann could see his lips moving. Like he was speaking to someone only he could see. His eyes were unfocused and there was a far way look in his pallid face…But it was him. It was Newt. Hermann went down on his knees and threw himself around Newton’s neck squeezing him tight. Never in his life had he been so happy to see someone.

Newt felt frail in his arms, thin and ragged and cold down to his bones. His usually round soft face had hollows and edges that were so out of place Hermann felt his throat constrict. He held him closer, trying to give his partner some of the warmth from his own body. He pressed his lips to his Newton’s skin again and again as his eyes welled with tears.

     “<I found you…oh god I found you…>”

Newt’s fingers curled dreamily around his shoulders. Found his hair. He was shaking, his voice bemused.

   “Her…mann?”

The confusion in Newton slowly subsided, the glassy look in his eyes fading away. He seemed to realize Hermann wasn’t going to disappear. He grabbed his face and kissed him on the mouth, desperate to be touched.

     “<I’m not awake…Is this real?…>”

     “<No it isn’t...but it’s the best we have for the moment...lets enjoy it while we can.>”

Newt ran his hands over Hermann’s face and neck...his hair and shoulders, remembering him with his fingertips.

      “<…there was a loud crash…I fell and there was a horrible pain in my head…Your voice was the last thing I heard after the fight. I don’t even remember what you were saying. You were just talking to me and I couldn’t breathe…Then I was in a hospital with all these people....God Hermann I’m so _lost_ …I can’t feel the Hive … I feel you somewhere but when I reach for you I get so tired….Hermann…oh god Hermann!>”

He kissed Gottlieb’s mouth in between frantic talking and more frantic sobs. The fog was clammy and sticky on their skin. Hermann opened the jacket he hadn’t even realized he was wearing, pulling Geiszler into it close to his body. Newt was terrifyingly cold. His lips and fingers blue, his skin a corpse white. Isolating him from the Hive was destroying him Hermann thought in a blind sort of panic.

      “You are being held prisoner by PPDC. They’ve told everyone you and I are dead. It’s a complicated story but let’s…Let’s find a way out of this fog first…”

    “I don’t think we can…think the fog might be chemical induced…and besides this is a dream we can’t find a way out of here…dead? Prisoner?…Oh god.”

Hermann helped Newt find his feet. The smaller man wobbled unsteadily, his knees shaking.

    “…A few months ago I would have believed that as well, but now I’m not so sure what can and can’t be done. How could I find you and talk to you when you are hundreds possibly thousands of miles away? How can the Hive know where we are?  Drifting…we’ve been using something we barely understand Newton. The human brain is as much a mystery as the far reaches of space…and while biology and math can help us understand…I’ve realized in a short amount of time that they cannot explain everything.”

Newt pressed his face into Hermann’s chest and even his breath was cold against the sweater there. Gottlieb stroked his hair and the back of his neck, resting a cheek on his forehead.

     “I’m here…we’ll figure this out…I _will_ see you safe…”

 Newton started to walk forward through the fog, partially hidden in Hermann’s Rangers jacket. Gottlieb guided him along his arms wrapped protectively around his partner’s body.

     “Hey Herm…Let’s get really old together. Like ridiculously old. We’ll play shuffleboard and go on old folk cruises and do pull my finger jokes at thanksgiving dinners. We can fight over who won a game of scrabble and argue about asinine things while we sit in public parks feeding overweight pigeons…it’ll be so good...”

Hermann searched for a way out but all the landscape looked the same, White mist, swirling cold tendrils of malaise inducing fog. It was little wonder it took Newton as much energy as it did to reach outside of it. Even now it was making Hermann feel heavy, bringing out a phantom tinge of pain in his hip. The whole place felt numb as his hurt leg below the knee. He couldn’t even imagine being trapped here. Purgatory…this was purgatory.

     “That does sound good. That sounds like the thing I would want most in the world Newton…”

Geiszler was nodding off against him. He wasn’t warming up…if anything he was only making Hermann’s body colder.

       “I thought a lot about it while I’ve been here…when I felt a touch of you it was…it was so good..I...”

He stopped walking head drooping like he was too exhausted to take another step.

     “Newton….please you need to keep walking...”

     “M’ sorry…I’m just so tired.”

Hermann started to feel it too, the ache of exhaustion. Maybe they could lie down…for just a few moments. He sank to his knees and Newt went with him… the ground was cold but soft. It moved up and down almost so slow as to be imperceptible. Hermann noticed it and realized the ground was breathing in time with the rise and fall of Newton’s chest under his hand. He felt the weak slow push of Newt’s heart and it was frightening…everything about Newton was usually so fast, attentive and _warm_.

         “What are they doing to you Newton…I don’t understand…”

Newt pushed his face into the crook of Hermann’s neck his breath so cold it burned the skin.

         “Why aren’t they…doing it to you?”

Hermann winced and folded his entire body around Newton’s his hand rubbing small circles over his back.

        “I ran...they don’t have me..I’m with the twins and Balor. We’re by the ocean. I’m going to see the Hive.”

Newt nodded considering.

        “I’m glad…I’m glad you got away Hermann.”

Newt’s cold fingers moved over Hermann’s ribs and over his back, hugging him so tight he started to feel his breath come short.

        “I’m going to…rescue you.”

Newton was kissing him again his tongue so cold in his mouth Hermann could see his breath rising. The effort only seemed to make Geiszler slower, wearing him out.

         “This…is bad …it’s bad for you to be here…you should go Herms...”

         “No. no…I just found you I can’t leave you again. “

Newton pushed at him with a low whine.

           “I…don’t think you have a choice…”

Hermann woke up when his body finally realized it had stopped breathing. He took a gasping coughing breath and shivered painfully his teeth chattering together, blood frozen in his veins. He was laying on one of the pews Sonia’s jacket over him and Howards folded under his head as a makeshift pillow. He could hear the twins talking somewhere nearby their voices echoing through the chapel. Then he heard another voice…many more voices.

      “ _Brother we here! We feel brother_!”

Hermann pushed himself painfully into a sitting position and spotted the twins up on the chapel stage. They appeared to be ripping pages from a hymnbook and making them into a moustache to stick onto Trespassers upper lip. They had already stuck one to Hardship and Kaiceph.

     “Mmm…where’s Balor?”

Sonia stopped what she was doing and immediately made her way to Hermann frowning a bit at how pale he looked.

     “Went into Aberdeen to get some crap we need. He was right. There are living quarters below. It’s actually pretty nice digs.”

 Howard slapped the hymnbook shut and walked over to join his sister.

     “This whole place has a backup generator…we can probably get the electricity running and take real showers. Just in time too! Balor is really starting to stink.”

Hermann handed the twins their jackets and turned to look at the windows. He couldn’t have been asleep long. It was still light out.

     “Did you find a way down to the beach?”

 

   He could see them. The shining slick backs of the Kaiju breaching the water surfacing and blowing great puffs of air as the thrashed in expectant circles. Hermann would have given anything to be able to run towards them. Throw his cane down and sprint barefoot through the sand towards the massive beasts that had swum hundreds of miles just to see him. Just to be here with him...his brothers. Gottlieb blinked. The thought was completely natural but strange. Yes. They were his brothers.

The twins stopped at the bottom of the rock stairs and their grip on his legs and back tightened protectively. They had carried him on their shoulders down the long narrow stairway carved into the cliff itself. It curved from the side of the church straight to the beach …all 129 steps of it. Hermann looked down and put a gentle slightly shaking hand on both their heads.

      “Don’t be scared. Put me down… I can try to make it from here…”

The first Kaiju raised its head from the water bursting onto land in a spray of foam. It was the smaller cat-2 that Newton had named Mudpuppy. It bugled a greeting and crawled further up the tide line. The Kaiju jittered excitedly wiggling its body up and down. The frills on either side of its head flared outward in a brilliant display of blue luminescence. In Gottlieb’s brain he might as well have been shouting at the top of his lungs.

     “ _Brother! Love! Here! Good good good_!”

The twins didn’t let Hermann down from their shoulders. They took a step backwards away from the Kaiju. Gottlieb understood. To them it looked like the monster was having a berserk fit, throwing up sand as he moved ominously closer. Hermann debated, he didn’t know if touching the Kaiju directly was smart. When he had touched Kotick directly skin on skin it had nearly ripped his brain to shreds. Newton had touched him and his brain had swollen to twice normal size. He concentrated and looked at the Kaiju sternly.

     “ _Calm down…or brother not come out at all. Understand_?”

Mudpuppy twisted his head in a very puppy like way then carefully drew in all six of his limbs and went down to the ground with a earthshaking thump.

     “ _Calm…good….yes_.”

    “ _Twins here too. Remember twins?...”_

Newt and Hermann had not only spoken about the twins in lectures but Hermann had called them friends when looking at them…just to enforce the idea. He and Newton had gone over the concept of friends numerous times in the hope the Hive would be more accepting of humans who were not linked to the Hivemind. He was however, not completely prepared for Mudpuppy’s reaction.

     “ _TWINS! YES! GOOD! BASKETBALL_!”

The Kaiju jumped back up again and lumbered into the ocean. Sonia watched him go her whole body shaking. The twins finally lowered Hermann to the ground but neither loosened their grip on him, hands moving around his arms.

     “Doc did you…tell him to leave?”

     “Oh thank god…can we go in now?”

     “That was the smallest one I’ve ever seen but it was still really big you know…Holy crap!”

Mudpuppy burst from the tide again and this time he started right for the three of them at the bottom of the cliff. He was small but he was still easily six stories tall. His body was stocky and his arms and legs short. He had a rounded face…more open and friendly then any of the breach Kaiju could ever hope to be. His skin was pebbled with dots of blue light that were glowing excitedly. The twins were so surprised by his sudden charge they almost ran for it. Unwilling to abandon Hermann they stuck to cowering behind him instead. Hermann didn’t even flinch.

     “ _Scaring twins. Not good. Calm or we go. Understand_?”

Mudpuppy made a mammoth noise that could only be described as a whimper, his voice booming into the cloudy sky and bouncing off the cliff. Delicately the Kaiju lowered his flat snub-nosed face down to the ground and dropped something onto the sand a few feet away from Hermann and the twins. It was a badly deflated volleyball, tattered and covered with glowing blue saliva.

     “ _I be good….twins very good! Gift!  Basketball_!”

Hermann stared at the ball and couldn’t help himself. A bubbly warm feeling fluttered in his stomach. Full of happiness the Hive was putting off, he started to laugh. Howard and Sonia peered over his shoulders at the steaming gunk covered volleyball then back up at Mudpuppy in disbelief. Finally Hermann caught his breath enough to explain.

      “….You…have a fan. He remembers you playing basketball with Newton and I.”

The Whateleys looked at each other then at Mudpuppy. The Kaiju had taken a step backwards and was laying patiently on his belly in the sand, his thick stumpy tail swaying back and forth in the surf. Four of his six eyes were on the twins and the final two, the ones closest to his nose, rested on the ball eagerly.

     “He brought the ball for you.”

Howard took a tentative step forward making sure he was still supporting Hermann’s weight.

     “They…know about us?”

Mudpuppy licked his nose and one eyeball with a massive blue tongue and made another whining noise that shook the entire beach.

      “Yes…I told you before. Newton and I have been teaching them for weeks. Why would our lectures not include you? Mother sees through us…she’s the matriarch of the Hive. If we know about you she knows about you and the Hive knows about you….and…they seem to be rather fond of you.”

Sonia rubbed at her shoulder looking at her brother again.

       “….I still hate Kaiju…I hate every one of their stinking filthy alien faces…”

She took a slow step closer to Mudpuppy and the ball, hands jammed deep in her jacket pockets…trying to look casual.

        “I hate every blue-blooded, filthy…disease spreading….”

She took four more steps and stooped to look at the ball. She pointed towards it and looked up at Mudpuppy speaking to the Kaiju directly.

       “I can’t pick this up you know. For all I know your spit is as acidic as your blood….it’ll have to be neutralized first and its not even a basketball…not REALLY…I mean you could pay better attention in Kaiju class.”

The giant made a low thrumming noise in return incredibly pleased that one of the twins was speaking to him. To Hermann it was like he was listening to two one-sided conversations between people who did not speak the same language but were trying very hard to communicate anyway.

     “ _Hello twin! Bring basketball! Good good good_!”

Howard pulled Hermann a few steps forward shaking his head.

     “Sonia…that’s close enough!”

     “Just a second Howie I…I’m just…I mean…I’m never seen one so close up…”

Hermann felt a wave of panic. When he and Newt touched the Kaiju it was overwhelming because of the Hivemind. He felt sure that the same would not happen with Sonia but still…it made him nervous.

       “Howard is right ….you are awfully close to…”

Before he could even finish the sentence Sonia had reached out a bare hand and placed it on the Kaiju’s smooth mottled skin. She stroked it curiously and Herman gave a great sigh of relief when she didn’t go down to the sand seizing and kicking.

      “Sonia! What the hell!?”

The twin moved closer, feeling more confident when the Kaiju didn’t bite her hand off. She touched both palms flat against the creature’s lower jaw and Mudpuppy made low contented growly noises.

     “You are a dreadful monster. A horrific abomination.”

Howard was nearly panting for breath he was so scared. Hermann nudged him moving his good leg a half-step towards the Kaiju. His human-crutch took the hint and pulled them both to join Sonia. She was now moving her fingertips over Mudpuppy’s skin experimentally, watching the pebbled spots of blue skin light up under her touch. She took it all in…her face crinkled in confusion.Her brother moved a hand close and finally touched his own palm to the Kaiju’s skin.

     “ _Twins! Good friend love yes_!”

    “ _Still…not scare…be good. We are small...remember small_.”

Mudpuppy went perfectly still, even his tail freezing in place. All six of the eyes closed as the twins touched him. It was a step in the right direction and the knot of anxiety in Hermann’s chest came slowly loose.

      “He likes you very much.”

Howard was beaming despite himself.

      “He’s not bad….for a horrific vision of unfathomable dreadfulness.”

      “A repulsive monster from the depths of nightmare…”

      “A…a vile demon from the darkest pit of hell.”

Sonia put her cheek to the Kaiju’s skin. She started to sob. Tears streaming from her eyes and snot oozing from her nose as she blubbered.

      “I want to hate you…but you aren’t like I wanted you to be at all…When we met a Kaiju for the first time we were supposed to kill it for Warren…all we managed to do the first time was cut the fin off a scared animal and almost get killed in the process.  And now? ...this isn’t the big showdown I wanted. Here we are standing face to face with the dragon… and it turns out to be reluctant. It brings us a soggy volleyball. It wasn’t supposed to be like this at all!”

Howard let Hermann go slowly. Making sure he could hold up his own weight with the support of his cane and leg brace before he embraced his sister.

        “The Kaiju that killed Warren is dead…this isn’t the same one. It isn’t even the same Hivemind right doc?”

Hermann shook his head and smiled voice coming out a tired whisper.

     “No…they’re gone now.”

Sonia hiccupped and Howard wiped her face carefully his own eyes tearing up.

     “Warren would probably be pissed if we just killed them willy-nilly for him right? ...I mean he was practical. He was good at thinking things through. We’ve been working on the revenge thing a long time. Maybe it’s time to try something else.”

Mudpuppy made a soft noise and Sonia put her forehead on his skin again. She hugged the Kaiju and her brother at once, tears leaking down her freckled face.

      “I…I guess so…”

Hermann turned his head away politely to give them some privacy. He pulled a sleeve up over his hand and cautiously rubbed under Mudpuppy’s chin. Making sure they did not make any skin to skin contact.

       “ _Happy brother here…happy…Love small-voice! Love twins…Miss fast-thinker_.”

Looking out at the ocean Gottlieb could see the faces of other Kaiju as they surfaced, watching him with dozens of glowing eyes. Waiting for him to save them. Hermann closed his own eyes and basked in the feelings of the Hive.

       “ _I do too…_ ”

 


	21. We're All Mad Here

    “ _Ok Muddy it’s your turn now. I put down my O so you put down your X like Howard and I showed you_.”

The footage looked better than Hermann had imagined it would. Considering the whole thing had been shot on Howard’s phone it truly looked phenomenal. The sound needed improvement but the images were surprisingly crisp. They had managed to capture all the scaly details of Mudpuppy’s excited face. In the chat window on Hermann’s computer Koosha Deghari stared ahead eyebrows furrowed. Neta Melero leaned over his shoulder, an almost comically serious expression on her face. Sonia Whateley’s voice was shaky with laughter as she teased the Kaiju towering above her.

     “ _Don’t look at me like that I’m not gonna give you any hints. You have to figure out the best spot for yourself._ ”

In the video the Mudpuppy twisted his head this way and that. He made a confused trilling noise at the lines Sonia had drawn in the wet sand, clucking his tongue a few times before he slowly leaned down. Using the very tip of one massive claw he drew a messy but readable X diagonally from the Wheatley twins center O. Neta covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head.

     “Doesn’t matter how many times I see it…I still just can’t believe it”

Koosha smiled, his wide white grin taking up most of his face.

     “H…how long…t-teach him?”

Hermann looked nervously past the two Rangers into the dark room they were sitting in. Afraid at any moment a door would burst open and they would all be caught. His layers of encryption and fake names felt safe enough but he had no idea what kind of security the Fortress-net was capable of. It was a risk work taking. If only to see the look of relief and fondness on Neta Melero’s face when she saw him over the webcam.

     “A few hours. They learn very quickly…especially if they wish to learn. Mudpuppy is by far our most willing student.”

He had exaggerated the time…it had taken only a half-hour to teach the Kaiju how the game worked. Of the three Kaiju that had come to meet Gottlieb Mudpuppy was by far the most eager to learn new things. No…eager was an understatement. The Kaiju was desperate to learn, he loved it. He also loved people, particularly Sonia who had been the first to touch him. Individuality was new to the Hive. Uniqueness and independence were all new concepts that he and Newton had introduced. Yet Mudpuppy was already developing his own personality. He had likes and dislikes different from others in the Hive. Not only that, he was the first Kaiju that had started responding to the name they had given him. All steps in the right direction as far as Hermann was concerned.

     “W-wuh-wish I could …s-e-see him…up cuh-cuh-close.”

Koosh tapped a few keys on his laptop as Neta fell back to sit on his bed looking overwhelmed. She had a similar expression to the look on the Whateley’s faces when Hermann had first explained the Hive and Mother to them. It was almost too much to grasp after a life spent thirsting for Kaiju blood. Koosha had accepted it all much faster.

      “You are doing more than I would ever ask of you just helping us edit the videos and post them through the encryption channels Koosha…thank you. Whatever you did to clean the background noise from the tic-tac-toe video was certainly an improvement.”

Neta ran her fingers through her hair and tapped a foot on the ground unhappily.

     “Are the views good? Are people seeing all these videos your making? They need to…this is …this changes everything. Why won’t the PPDC respond?!”

Gottlieb shivered and pulled a quilt closer around his bony shoulders. The Church was warm enough and the disciple’s quarters downright cozy compared to Fort Tempest’s cold concrete barracks…but as the days passed he was finding it more and more difficult to stay warm. His dreams were full of icy fog and his days were soaked with coastal winter rain.

       “t-t-thirty mu-muh-million vu-vu views s-so far for…”

Koosh mimed playing tic-tac-toe in the air in front of him and Neta nodded.

        “Yeah…I mean that’s not bad…and the other videos have just as many.”

        “Balor seems to think the general response favorable. We have been featured numerous times on the radio and I’m sure the media and news has put our Kaiju footage in film queues….…and no Neta, the PPDC has not officially responded yet.”

Neta sighed and crossed her arms.

       “All of this makes me nervous. What if they trace you somehow? I wish you knew where Newton was…”

Hermann hung his head and gazed down at his pale hands, burying his nails into the flesh of his palms.

       “If I was to make an educated guess, I would say they have put Newton into some sort of chemically induced coma. Barlowe knows we can speak to the Kaiju over distances, though we have less control over them than he thinks. At the very least he knows that they can find us. His staff, probably his scientists, have effectively cut him off from us. The Hive can’t find him and I can barely feel him…”

He trailed off unsure how to explain. Neta would understand what he felt…Koosha not so much. He had not experienced loss of a drift partner and Hermann fervently hoped he never would. Newton and the fog had been a fixture in his sleeping life. A few minutes here and there…trying to help Newton escape the white wasteland he was stuck in, attempting in vain to keep his partner warm.

     “Mm..s-suh-sir…you…-al..alright?”

Neta shook her head and sat near Koosh. Hermann noticed her hands slip carelessly around the younger man's shoulders, her fingers brushing his neck. It was the sudden unabashed intimacy that went hand in hand with drifting.

      “No he’s not alright. Hermann you look like death warmed over in a broken microwave. Are you even eating? Is Balor treating you alright…”

Hermann managed a smile, a convincing way to mask the jealousy he felt. Neta could touch her partner. He was only an arm’s length away. Gottlieb pushed the sick feeling back…he couldn’t handle this much longer. The PPDC had to answer soon. Barlowe and his father couldn’t ignore them forever.

       “I’m keeping well enough. I wish I could tell you more about our location, I will say It is comfortable and you have nothing to worry about. I’ll send you the new footage tonight Mr. Deghari….we’ll be recording after lunch.”

Koosha perked up and snapped his fingers as he remembered something. He was so excited he barely was able to get out any words at all and Gottlieb watched amazed as Neta effortlessly translated what he was trying to say.

     “M…nn! …Aw…Awww.”

     “Oh! We thought you might like to know…they brought in Occam last night. We went to go look at him.”

Hermann’s heart leapt anxiously into his throat…Occam had gone home. He had barely allowed himself to think about the Jaeger. He wasn’t ready to let Occam go, despite the certainty that he would never pilot it again. Even if by some miracle the PPDC welcomed them back to the program…Hermann had accepted the fact he would probably never get the feeling back in his lower leg. He was learning to walk all over again. The pain was more tolerable now but the idea that he was less mobile than before was terrifying. He was still a Ranger that much had not changed. That would never change. Despite the situation, regardless of their handicaps…he and Newton would _always_ be Rangers.

      “Are they…repairing him?”

     “Not right now. They probably will but he’s in bad shape and he’s not really priority one compared to the bigger Jaegers…I can’t believe you and Newt survived that. I mean…They brought what was left of the Black Roger in with Occam. We won him I guess… I had no idea that UIS Jaeger was so BIG…”

Gottlieb gave a genuine grin, warmth flushing up into his cheeks and ears. He had a secret hope that Occam would never be fixed. Never be touched again. The mech was his and Newton’s. No one else had earned the right to sit in its Conn-pod like they had. No one would understand or love the Jaeger the same way. He shook his head trying to snap his attention back on the concerned faces in front of him, struggling to find his voice. It seemed like he was losing himself more and more frequently, his mind drifting away from the rest of him. There was a soft melancholy in his voice when he finally answered Neta.

      “Watch him for me...if you would be so kind…I hope I’ll be able to see Occam again…”

      “Mmm…y-yuh..yuh.”

Neta leaned her head against Koosha’s to get more into the center of the webcam frame.

       “I wish I could tell the others we’ve been able to talk to you. Nancy, Harry and Honey are so worried. And Ms. Sendak…When Esther thought you and Newton were dead she would barely speak. Up until that first video of you talking directly to the camera everyone was devastated. I wouldn’t even let myself believe you were still alive at first. Hermann please. Don’t do that again...don’t die for real Cariño ok?”

When Sonia Whateley had asked this very thing of him in the aftermath of Helsinki Hermann had answered glibly. He had made the promise immediately…flippantly. Why was it so much more difficult this time? It felt like a promise Gottlieb knew he could not keep. He only nodded pulling his reading glasses off the bridge of his nose. He hoped with all his heart Vanessa had also seen him speaking to the camera. He couldn't contact her but he hoped she at least knew he wasn't dead.

     “Just…post the videos for me and I will do my best. If people keep seeing them…if the word is spread...The PPDC will have to answer eventually.”

He kept whispering this to himself, if enough people knew about Newton…if enough people saw the Kaiju…eventually… _eventually_. Koosha smiled at him.

     “Y…you…yuh…muh…my h-hero….S..sir.”

Pain gnawed at Hermann’s stomach, turned his blood cold. He still wondered if he had done right in trusting Koosha Degari and felt guilty when these thoughts crossed his mind. Neta trusted him…Newton had as well. That was more than enough. Through emails he had found out that the two of them had more in common than just their Ranger’s jackets. Koosha’s father Basir Degari was head of the military arms program, heavily involved in Jaeger weapon development. He was an absent brute of a man who had pushed his son away from science and into the more violent aspects of academy life. Hermann had actually met him during his time spent programming the Mark 1’s…but that was a lifetime ago.

     “I…I am no one’s hero Mr. Degari. I should go now but I will speak to you again soon. The Kaiju won’t record themselves. Though…with enough training perhaps they could.”

The Ranger’s said their goodbyes and Gottlieb ended the conversation, shutting the chat window. Hermann put his face in his hands and sat facing the darkened computer screen. Neta and Koosh were helping him end a program they had worked their whole lives to be part of. Just like the twins…like Balor. Would it ever be safe to destroy the Jaegers completely? Would it be wise?

The rooms underneath the Beacon Church had no windows. Housing the Disciples of the Beast, they were carved directly into the cliff underneath the church itself. The place combined the utility of a fallout shelter with the design sensibilities of a posh hotel. It had been home to cult clearly unafraid to throw their wealth around. They had wanted to enjoy creature comforts while waiting for the final ax to fall, everything was plush, velvet and polished wood. Graven images of the Kaiju appeared everywhere, their faces adorning everything from furniture to light fixtures. At least the bathrooms had hot running water. Balor had gotten the old generator working the first night they had settled in. Hermann shut his laptop and looked over at the wall near the door to his room.

He could no longer use his cane. It did not support his weight enough to let him walk without help. Balor had rigged him a makeshift crutch from lightweight metal gleaned from the Siren Carpathia and the curved end of a thick candleholder taken from the church chapel. Howard had padded the candleholder end with one of the old shirts from the RV. It was ugly…and painful under his arm despite their best efforts. But he could finally walk small distances without the twins help. Biting his lip Hermann reached over and slipped his hands around the crutch pushing it carefully under his arm.

There was an oil painting of a sinister black Kaiju rising from the ocean over his luxurious king-size bed. Gottlieb glowered at it as he turned towards the door, trying to find a natural gait with the crutch. Glowering at it had become a habit. He had not taken the hideous thing down because it served as a harsh reminder. A few internet videos would not change the world instantly. He would just have to press on and work harder to change perceptions. To keep people from seeing the Hive as the painting depicted, screaming mindless monsters. The Hive brothers called to him and he was silently grateful…not for the first time….that the cult had been kind enough to install an elevator down to the beach.

 

          “Just look right at the phone Doc. You know the drill.”

Hermann blinked against a flash of sun that peeked briefly from the overcast sky. A gust of ocean wind blew cold through his Ranger jacket and rubbed raw at his skin. Everything smelled like winter and salt spray. Gottlieb leaned against the cliff face at his back and tried his best to look alert.

     “Like this?”

Howard nodded and set his smart phone down on a protruding rock trying to keep it steady.

     “I wish we had better equipment but what are you gonna do?”

Hermann gazed past Howard down the foggy beach. Sonia was just visible in the distance, a blaze of bright red hair and blue jacket. Mudpuppy loomed above her, the glowing frills on his head and neck unfurled and pulsed with light as he watched the tiny ranger attentively. She gestured to him with her entire body, attempting to convey something she wanted without words.

     “Why even bother with another video of me…We all know what the people really want to see.”

Howard grinned not taking his eyes from his phone.

      “Awww…You jealous? “

     “No. I would love nothing more than for those two to be the sole focus of our videos. Give the public what they want I say.”

      “Nah…Munchkin man says it’s important for you to be on camera as much as they are.”

Balor was never here for the recording sessions, he hardly came down to the beach at all. Gottlieb was sure the Kaiju made him nervous. More so then he would ever admit. It was better for him not to appear on camera anyway. Someone in Aberdeen might recognize him when he went into town for supplies. Howard fiddled with the camera focus for several minutes before he finally seemed satisfied, nodding at the phone perched on the rock.

     “Yeah that will work I think…maybe this time it won’t be so shaky…are you gonna call one of the other two to sit next to you? People will probably pay more attention if you had a Kaiju sitting close.”

Hermann gazed at the water. He was not as familiar with the other two Kaiju that had shown up that first day they had found the Church. They were both slightly larger than Mudpuppy which lead him to believe they were also older. It was easier to tell the older Kaiju because they were not only larger but had more body armor. The younger Kaiju were born in forms that were much more pleasing to human sensibilities…smoother skin, larger eyes, friendlier coloration. He wondered how Mother had designed each of the brothers…were they based on things she had seen through himself and Newton? Or on memories uploaded by the precursors? There were so many things yet unknown about her and the Hive.

The largest of the Kaiju was a robust older gentleman who had two stingray like fin-wings on either side of his sleek bullet-shaped body. His head was a strange mixture of cuttlefish and walrus, his face all bristling tendrils which looked laughably moustache like. Four jutting tusks curled from both his upper and lower jaws and he always had the air of someone who could put up with only so much. Howard had taken to calling him “The Colonel.” The name felt oddly appropriate.

 The other smaller cat-3 was not as energetic as Mudpuppy and tended towards shyness. He had a head which in most respects resembled a cowfish, a boxy thing balanced on the end of a graceful tapered neck. There were fewer visible teeth in the beaklike mouth and the most astonishing thing about this Kaiju was their skin. The skin was octopus like in nature, flickering from ocean grey to beach brown depending on where the creature was resting. A perfect camouflage reflex. They had yet to think of a name for this one. The quiet ones always came last.

 Hermann felt a bit guilty. The Kaiju were still faced with an old problem. They had to go out and hunt but no matter how much the brothers ate they never seemed full enough. Gottlieb wished there was something he could do. All three of them were here now…but soon they would have to go out and find some way to sustain their huge bodies. They would have to swim farther out in a few days…they would fish this coast empty in no time flat.

     “Do you think The Colonel would feel disposed to come over here and pose for the camera? I don’t think he’s been in many of our videos…Just the occasional background cameo.”

Hermann looked over to where the massive Kaiju lay. Half in and out of the surf, all four eyes closed as he basked in the weak grey sunlight.

     “Mmm…I suppose I could ask.”

Hermann took a deep breath and reached out slowly giving the Hive mind equivalent of a tap on the shoulder.

     “ _Brother Help me? Come over? Come make pictures_?”

The Colonel raised a head the size of a house, blowing steam through his nose and squirming whiskers. Hermann had tried to explain what he and the twins were doing to the Kaiju. He had given a lecture on “Video recordings” and “Internet” but none of them seemed to really understand. It did not mean they were any less enthusiastic to help, it was amazing how truly dedicated a bunch of monsters could be.

   “ _Yes. Yes help small-voice. Coming_.”

The Colonel had four powerful legs and two sets of independent fins near his tail and shoulders. Pushing himself up on his claws he took a patient lumbering step towards the cliff face. The booming shook Howard’s phone from its makeshift stand on the rocks and the twin groaned. The Whateley did not react to the giant approaching them, didn’t even register alarm when a limb full of sharp nails pounded inches from him, sinking into the wet sand. Hermann shook his head. He was continually amazed at how quickly the twins had adjusted to their sudden dramatic career change. The Colonel leaned his face down and one of his facial tendrils touched the twin delicately. Howard stroked it and patted the Kaiju’s face fondly.

     “Hey buddy…you here to help out?

The Colonel trilled low, his voice so deep and tremulous Gottlieb felt his bones vibrate with the force of it. Pushing his body to hug the side of the cliff the Kaiju settled down. He inched his face closer until Hermann found himself sitting with a blue tinted bone tusk on either side of the rock he was leaning on, a throne of curved tooth and wriggling tendrils.

     “Does that look more impressive?”

Howard nodded and went back to fiddling with his phones camera, trying to get as much of the Kaiju in the shot as possible. Hermann turned to watch Sonia and Mudpuppy again. She screamed something at the top of her lungs and the Kaiju lowered himself to the ground. He had forbid her from treating him like a dog. They weren’t dogs, they weren’t animals really. They were…different. The twins had not understood fully until Mudpuppy had watched them play tic-tac-toe a few times then taken his turn. He had learned quickly and from example…like a child. Hermann saw no reason the Kaiju couldn’t eventually learn to read and write. All it would take was time and patience. Sonia was hugging Mudpuppy on the nose now. He pressed into her and Hermann could feel him making a low thrumming noise that was almost a purr.

     “Ok Doc…whenever you wanna go…Its rolling.”

Hermann cleared his throat and straightened his back, trying his best to look steady and well-prepared.

    “This is another message to the people of the UN and the PPDC. As I have stated in previous videos my name is Hermann Gottlieb and I am a mathematician, Ranger and former employee of the Pan Pacific Defense Corp. In recent months I have been deployed on the border of the UIS and ….”

He hesitated. There was a flash of white behind his eyes. Hermann rubbed at his face with a trembling hand before he continued.

     “I…have spoken before of my partner…Newton Geiszler who has been….”

The pain was sudden and crushing. It started in Hermann’s hip and ran up his spine. It felt electric and carefully aimed. The laser accuracy of it was devastating...professional. Someone knew where it would hurt the most and they touched that spot with trained hands. Hermann felt the scream burst raw and senseless from his throat, ripping him open from tongue to knee. His body immediately went nerveless and started to shake. It wasn’t a seizure it was more a failure of his brain to be able to control his body anymore. It was an inability to communicate. His muscles jellified and he slid to the sand with a heavy thud gasping for air. The Colonel raised his head and opened his mouth. Tusks spreading to the sky as he let out a bellowing roar echoed by both his brothers. Mudpuppy took a step away from Sonia and reared on his back two sets of legs, voicing his anguish. Howard was already on his knees camera forgotten as he grabbed Hermann, eyes wide and frightened.

     “Doc! Doc what the hell?”

The pain came again. Needle sharp and razor smart. It touched a nerve deep in his leg and he gagged on spit and vomit unable to articulate the agony scalding his nervous system. He had thought that the night his leg had been stuck in Occam’s Conn-pod brace would be the worst pain of his entire life. He had been wrong. Howard put a frantic arm under Hermann’s back and pulled him close.

     “Doc? What should I do??”

The Colonel’s eyes had gone a bright blue the gentleness in them gone. When he saw Howard touching his Hive brother he snorted and lowered his head aggressively. All his rage and confusion directed at the Whateley twin. Gottlieb perceived this through the edge of his bleary vision and pushed Howard away. He hacked and spit the foulness from his mouth, hoping Howard would understand the dead seriousness in his tone. He was in a dangerous place. The Colonel was not himself…none of the Kaiju would be now. They were scared and Hermann wasn’t sure if they would accidently hurt someone trying to protect him.

     “…Back away….slowly….now.”

     “What?? NO!”

     “Howard…. _now_ …”

The Whateley twin lowered Hermann back to the ground very gently when The Colonel dug a clawed foot close to him. Another wave of pain struck and Howard had to roll away with his arms pulled close to his chest, narrowly avoiding a tusk to the head. He ran back a few steps and called to Sonia who was desperately trying to calm Mudpuppy down. Hermann struggled to take thin breaths. Sand blew into his face and cut at his skin as The Colonel thrashed. He had warned the Kaiju over and over about skin to skin contact and yet he knew what was coming…could do nothing to stop it. Mudpuppy was rushing blindly towards them making distressed howls. The first whiskery tendril brushed Hermann’s cheek, caressing him like a kiss. The shock of it was as abrupt as a gunshot and he was pulled under dark water. Down deep into the black and blue bruise on his brain that was the Hive mind.

The images, emotions and feelings jumbled on top of each other. Mother’s daunting presence seemed to lie in the far distance…if distance was a thing that applied to the Hive. The pain that rippled from the nerve in Hermann’s leg throbbed faintly.  The ache left behind with his body. The hurt had been from Newton…from Barlowe. Swimming against the current of Hive memories Gottlieb felt their voices, heard snatches of Kaiju thoughts as he passed by them. Mudpuppy thought they were being attacked and wanted to save the twins as well as Hermann. The Colonel was just confused and the third Kaiju on the beach had actually run the opposite direction, swimming for the safety of the open sea. Individuals acting separately from each other…Hermann wondered vaguely how long they would be a Hive mind. Maybe someday they would just be a Hive…

He tumbled endlessly in the dark unsure where he was in terms of time and space…in terms of consciousness. Something warm snagged what he believed was his hand and the spinning came to stop. Hermann opened his eyes slowly…or had they already been open…being a disembodied series of thoughts was a hard thing to get used to even after all his previous experience with it.

He was looking out at Newton’s Lake house, his childhood home. The first time had been here it had been sunny and full of laughing children. The second time dark and full of rain and damp…fear and drowning. This encounter with the house was dull and colorless. The lake was still as a mirror. All color leeched from the world like a image in grayscale. The white cold mist of Newton’s limbo-like prison had found its way here as well. Touching the surface of the water and licking hungrily at the branches of the skeletal trees. There were no lights in the house itself, not a sign of inhabitants. Hermann swiveled his head slowly taking it all in wondering how he had come here. _Why_ he had come here. Then he noticed the golden glimmer sitting at the end of the dock near the houses back porch, the dock that lead out to the very center of the placid grey water. Cautiously Gottlieb took a step forward. Leaves crunched underfoot, unbearably loud in the dead quiet. Hermann made his way past the silent house and onto the dock the mist parting before him, numbing his skin and making his eyes water.

Sean Patrick Flood sat in full Drift regalia at the end of the Geiszler family dock. His heavy boots dangling over the edge of the water, reflection glowing below like a swarm of fireflies.  Flood turned and smiled at Hermann. This was the closest Gottlieb had ever managed to get to this…memory? Manifestation? The dead Ranger gave a quick salute.

     “Ey’ ‘Ermann. Bout time yeh gah ‘ere man.”

Hermann stopped, decided that giving some distance between him and this golden ghost was a smart idea. He acknowledged him with a wary nod.

     “….Ranger Flood.”

    “Such formality…yeh can call meh Sean.”

He turned and smiled tapping his fingers on the helmet in his lap. He wasn’t bleeding from the eyes and nose but there was still something unsettling in talking to a man Hermann had seen die a brutal protracted death.

     “Very well…Sean.”

The Ranger smiled at him his face reflecting so much of his uncles, the same round stubby nose and shaggy eyebrows. He patted the dock beside him and gestured for Hermann to come closer.

     “Come on with yeh…come sit..I ain’ gonna bite…”

     “No…that’s alright…I’m just…What are you exactly?...”

Sean watched him, his eyes flickering with blue light.

     “Could be I’m a remnant…a figment…a leftover. Maybe I’m sumthin brought ta life by tha Hive…maybe I’m a sliver ah something the drift left behind in a series ah ones an zero’s living in Newton’s head. Most like I’m nae buh a shade…a fragment ah a person who no longer exists…a representation ah something deep in the unconscious tha folks sometimes call “tha lil voice in my head.” “The angel on my shoulder”…the conscious of Newt’s subconscious.”

Hermann took a step closer.

     “That’s very cryptic...”

     “Aye…Yer lad is bipolar. Maybe I’m jus some lil chunk of minor mental illness…or maybe yer the one imagining me ‘Ermann. Yeh ever think of tha? Yer the only one who seems to see me when yer snooping around yer partners head…an my voice always sounds a lot like mah uncles. Yeh barely heard my real voice. Maybe this is jus how you imagine me.”

Hermann considered this and shrugged finally walking over to join the dead man at the end of the dock.

     “Well If I’m crazy I wouldn’t be surprised.”

He sat down slowly letting his legs dangle. Mist ran up his calves and lapped greedily at his back. He glanced across the lake at the opposite tree line avoiding Sean Patrick’s eyes.

      “Whatever you might be…why are you here?”

      “Well…ifn I’m jus you maybe I’m here ta tell ya the answer to yer problem. The one yeh been too damn preoccupied ta see. Maybe I’m er cause Newt figured out a loophole an eh needed ta tell ya buh the fog makes em slow an forgetful. Sa’ conundrum.”

Hermann felt a small bright tinge of hope in his chest and the fog retreated from him like it had been burned.

     “So…you have some answer? Some way you can help me?”

     “Mmm…perhaps.”

Sean Patrick pulled a cigarette from his helmet and lit it. The bright golden flame much too big and bright for the tiny lighter he was holding in his gloved fingers. The sky lightened, the grey tingeing with blue as he took his first inhale. Hermann watched him, itching to ask the question…

     “Did Sean Patrick really smoke or do I just think he smoked?”

The ghost waggled his eyebrows in a very Newton like way and blew out a cloud of smoke that took on a myriad of half-remembered shapes before it dissipated.

     “I guess I wouldn’t know Doc. I’m jus tha figment in this scenario.”

Sean Patrick stuck the cigarette between his teeth and nodded to the lake, pointing at Hermann’s reflection with a meaningful glance. Gottlieb looked over the edge of the dock at the calm surface and gasped a bit when he finally noticed his reflection. It was not his face that looked back at him but Geiszler’s. His eye drooped, cheek and mouth drawn into a tight grimace. Hermann could see every strand of wild hair, the colorful bits of tattoo starting just under his Adam’s apple.

     “I…well I suppose that makes as much sense as you…or anything else in this place.”

Sean Patrick’s voice was gentle near his ear.

     “You went…inside tha Kaiju’s head…Tha Vesuvius one. An yeh made him talk yeh? An afor that you were in Kotick’s head…seeing what he saw. The Hive is a two way street ‘Ermann.”

Hermann couldn’t take his eyes from his reflection but he nodded breathlessly. Yes. He was beginning to understand.

     “They gah his brain saturated with a drug cocktail so eh don call the Hive…buh. Yer nae the Hive. I don think anything in this world can keep you outta his head.”

The water and the treeline all started to turn a rosy pink, tinted with shades of soft orange and muted purple. The sun was rising inside Newton’s head…or Hermann’s….or maybe that was the same place now. A shared space with no beginning and no end.

     “Would you tell me… please, which way I need to go from here?”

Sean Patrick grinned blowing a smoke ring which hovered over the water.

     “Tha’ depends a good deal on where you want to geh to..”

      “Newton…”

The Ranger grinned and took a final drag on his cigarette giving a very Balor like cough. The smoke spilled out his nose and mouth, briefly forming the shape of Kotick before fading away. He cast the butt down into the water and the reflection of Newton rippled.

      “Yeh can always find em if yeh look ‘ard nuff…I think all the paths in you lead to em eventually. There’s not a wrong way ta go. ”

Before Hermann even realized what was happening Flood’s hand was on his back pushing him off the end of the dock, down into the frigid water. He shouted a cheerful goodbye as Gottlieb tumbled forward.

     “Good luck Herm!”

Falling face first into Newton’s reflection he barely heard a splash. The rush took his breath away. Hermann floated under the surface for several moments. Bubbles floated between his pale fingers, his hair waving in every direction. He sank and felt two things at once, a kind of peaceful sense of homecoming…and a terrible pain in his chest. It was not the same pain he usually felt contracting around his heart and lungs. It was something else…broken ribs. A voice he did not know murmured words with an accent he could not place.

     “I have no doubt he felt that…I’m sure he hasn’t been kind to that hip…”

Darkness. He was awake…or at least conscious. He could have easily opened his eyes…but stopped himself…startled by the unfamiliar voices. He could feel his body around him, taking soft breaths from the oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. There were voices speaking close and he froze suddenly sure where he was. Newton was sleeping somewhere in the back of his brain and Hermann was awake. He was awake inside his partner’s body. Then he heard Major Barlowe. His voice was like a scalpel, like a round of shrapnel to the gut. Hermann was sure he had felt his/Newton’s fingers twitch in recognition but no one outside seemed to notice.

     “Well we’ll have to keep at it. The press is demanding answers for the videos. It’s time to send him a reminder that he holds very few pieces in this chess game.”

     “We have to be careful not to wake Dr. Geiszler up...or else the Hive mind will…”

     “Yes. You’ve made me _perfectly_ aware.”

Hermann focused on taking deep breaths. Willing his pulse not to spike and give him away. He could hear a machine beeping and pinging Newton’s vital signs. They weren’t paying attention to him at the moment but…

     “The UN is starting to question the authenticity of the videos…and we…Mr. Choi?”

This time Gottlieb couldn’t help it. He heard the beeping speed up and he silently cursed himself. A hand touched him and his…no he had to remember it was not his… eye was pulled open. A bright penlight was cast into it watching his pupil react.

     “Barlowe…sir. You are wanted on a conference call with the UIS council...”

Hermann wanted to scream. Tendo knew. How long had he known? Had he known in Helsinki? Was this the reason he had tried so hard to bring Newton and himself to Fortress II? He couldn’t imagine Tendo on Barlowe’s payroll. It was painful to even consider…yet here he was.

     “Thank you Mr. Choi. Is there…any word on the Rapture yet?”

     “No sir. Complete radio silence.”

There was an uncomfortable hush full of scuffling feet and Hermann could almost picture Barlowe staring down at Tendo with a hawkish look of disapproval.

     “Keep me posted.”

      “Of course sir.”

The penlight moved away from Hermann/Newt’s other eye and let it flop shut, apparently satisfied with whatever they had seen there. They all needed to leave. He needed to figure this out in an empty room.

     “You…Stab that nerve every three hours. Make sure Gottlieb has a constant reminder that we aren’t going to go away. Once that happens we can figure out how to speak to him without the world eavesdropping and get this mess figured out once and for all.”

The medical personnel…or whoever it was that was Barlowe was ordering to do this grisly task made a small noise. If they were looking to start an argument it was ended before it could even begin.

     “I…..yes sir.”

There was the sound of footsteps moving away, sharp and aggravated. That would be Barlowe. The nurses…there were at least two from the way the bodies shuffled, followed him out. Hermann heard the clack of metal rings around a privacy curtain. That just left Tendo. Gottlieb was sure that Choi had lingered. He heard another person breathing close by. There was a warm hand touching Newton’s where it lay at his side. He was right. Tendo leaned in close whispering near Geiszler’s ear.

     “How you doing buddy?...I’m just visiting again. I’ll put the music on when I leave ok? They don’t seem to care. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe you can’t hear it…”

A powerful surge of anger ran hot through Hermann’s stomach. How dare Tendo try to act friendly…how dare he pretend he was a friend to Newton…to either of them. He wanted to rise up and slap the tech so hard his smug little bowtie would spin. Choi needed to leave. Hermann was starting to feel weary…he didn’t know how much longer he could hold on to Newton like this. He had no control over it.

     “You look bad man. No offense…probably not your fault. I’ve convinced em to put you back on your brain meds at least. I just…I wish…”

The rough weathered hand squeezed Newton’s tightly. It took all the willpower Gottlieb had not to pull away. An electric buzz emitted somewhere above him, pocket height. Tendo took his hand, his only hand, away and fumbled with whatever it was. There was ruffling of cloth…a coat most likely.

      “Fuck Newt…I gotta go. I’ll be back to check on you later ok? Hang in there brother.”

Music started to play quietly near the head of the bed. Newton’s preferred metal. Hermann heard more nurses…med officials? Whatever they were they were coming. Hermann held on another few minutes as they adjusted the various tubes in his…Geiszler’s body. It was finally too much and his grasp slipped. He slid away from the surface…through the thick cold fog…under the water and finally…back into the dark.

 

Hermann was aware of soft blankets first, followed by the slosh of what he realized was a hot water bottle pressed warm to his roiling stomach. Cool fingers touched his cheek and stroked down his neck. An achingly familiar voice hummed close. It was melodic and feminine…but definitely not Sonia’s. He groaned and felt the trickle of hot blood run from his nose, moving down into his mouth where he could taste the metallic tang of it. His head was pounding in time with the uneven beat of his heart. He heard something that sounded like Japanese and a warm damp washcloth was pushed to his nose, dabbing away the blood. Hermann attempted to open his eyes and closed them immediately with a whine. The light in the room was dim…but the intensity was still too much.

     “Hermann?...are you awake now?”

That voice. Gottlieb had heard it enough times in a quiet lab. That voice speaking excitedly about the reconstruction of a Jaeger...about the completion of a difficult math problem. His voice felt gritty and sore with misuse when he finally found the energy to speak.

      “Miss…Mori?”

Her hand placed a cold compress to his eyes and he winced at the sudden pressure.

     “Yes!…yes I’m here. I’m here….”

Hermann didn’t know what to think or do. His breath came short and shallow as a feeling of unreality set in. Strong lean arms slid behind his back and Mako was hugging him tightly her hand on the back of his head.

     “…I should have come to you sooner. Should have spoken with you when I heard you were coming back…no…even before. At the dinner when I saw you…”

Hermann raised shaky arms and embraced her.

    “I…I am not your responsibility Miss Mori.”

     “No…but you are my friend.”

His eyelids fluttered against the cloth covering them. He wanted so badly to see Mako’s face.

     “Why?…Why are you here?”

She lowered him back into the pile of pillows and blankets wrapping the comforter around his chest and shoulders. He wriggled a hand free, fingers seeking hers.

     “To help you get Newton back…to help your cause.

      “I don’t understand…”

      “It is the right thing to do. It’s what Sensei would have done. He always did what was right no matter how high the risk…we both know that.”

Hermann’s breathing calmed somewhat. He felt disoriented from his time in Newton’s body. Queasy to the point that he was afraid he might vomit at any moment. He let air out through his nose to quell the nausea, to gather his wits…he had so much he wanted to say.

     “Yes…but here?...how…”

     “When Raleigh and I killed that first Kaiju in the Rapture. It felt…wrong. Everything is changing.”

Her grip tightened on his hand and she lowered her voice to a whisper so low he strained to hear it.

     “Was that really you? When it said my name…was that you inside its head?”

     “Yes but…”

    “You speak about the Hive mind your videos…When we killed the Kaiju…did we hurt you?”

She sniffled and there were hot exasperated tears in her voice.

     “You must be so very angry with me.”

    “No Mako…no…I told him to leave. He was coming to help me and Newton…I am not mad at you…you were only doing your jo…”

    “NO. Sensei would never have accepted that as an answer! There is a job…then there is responsibility…to honor and duty and…family. Above all to myself, look at what you and Newton have accomplished because you have been true to yourselves…”

Hermann felt himself sitting up pushing himself forward, ignoring the pain as he pulled the compress from his face and looked into Mako Mori’s warm dark eyes. She reached out to push him back down and he grabbed her wrists. Her hair was still short. The blue streaks he had last seen her with were gone…there was no color at all. The last time he had seen her with completely natural hair she had been nine years old…they had met in Tokyo. She he been so shy she would not look at him face to face, hiding guardedly behind Stacker’s legs. They shyness had not lasted long and before he realized it she was as much a fixture in his life as Newton.

     “We accomplished?  What? What have we accomplished? We are criminals now…prisoners and outlaws. Not the kind of company that you should like to keep. How did you get here? Does the PPDC know where you are?”

He thought back to Barlowe asking Tendo about the Rapture and realized he already knew the answer to this question. Mako sighed deeply and pulled her wrists from his fingers before he could dig in his nails.

     “No…I promise you they do not. Lay back down. I will not speak about this if you are not resting.”

Hermann’s vision went white at the edges and he squinted his eyes shut with a small gasp of pain. He let his body fall back again unable to fight her. A long weary breath hissed between clenched teeth, resigned and exhausted. He wondered how the twins and Balor had reacted to the world’s most famous Rangers just showing up unannounced. Hopefully the reception hadn’t involved fistfights. How had the twins wrestled him away from the Hive? Their anger had probably disappeared with the pain...but still.

     “It feels as if all of this has been for nothing Miss Mori.”

Mako sat close to him in the giant bed. She was always so quiet and patient. He had missed that the most. She had always been so good at just listening.

     “You are wrong on all accounts. You have been isolated here. You have not seen the impact you’ve had on the world like Raleigh and I have. Things have been slowly changing…the deaths in Helsinki, the Kaiju in California and your fight on the border? Many of the Rangers in Fortress II have started to question…have started to wonder…”

Hermann felt bile rise up his throat again, he just couldn’t believe it. It seemed impossible that anything he did would sway anyone, let alone Rangers he had never met. He gave a gagging noise that was part dry heave part hiccup. The Hive was surprisingly quiet in the back of his brain. They murmured a few soft words his direction but seemed pacified… small favors.

     “The Rapture…Where is it?”    

     “We hid the Shrike a ways off in the forest and walked here. No one should see it…”

     “How did you find us? What if others find us!? What if..”

She pressed her lips to his forehead and he went silent. Somewhere far off he could hear voices speaking in the hallway. Arguing? It was difficult to tell. There was the unmistakable sound of an Irish brogue somewhere in the muffled mess. The twins couldn’t be far…it was alright. Everyone was safe.

     “Sleep. The tracking equipment is disabled as well as the radio. No signals in or out. The PPDC can’t find us. We designed the Rapture with the best cloaking tech the world has to offer…it is fitting we take advantage of it. Raleigh and I can start the drifting process without LOCCENT assistance if we need to move it somewhere more secluded.”

     “Do you…do you know…where Newton is?”  
Mako nodded slowly and held her hands lightly on his shoulders afraid he would try to get up again.

    “…The Icebox. The Anchorage Shatterdome. They are just starting to rebuild it…but few people know that. It was purchased by someone after its closure but the PPDC has just gotten it back…”

    “He…he must want to stay close to the United States. He knows I’m here somewhere.”

It was a small wonder that Barlowe was so paranoid about keeping the Hive out of Newt’s head. They could collectively overwhelm the Alaska base in seconds. No. He would not do that. Kaiju and people would both die in the process and that would ruin everything he had been trying to prove. Hermann smiled, a grin spreading crookedly over his face, the residue of Geiszler’s brain still clinging to him. It was clear now. Sean Patrick, whatever he was, had quite literally given him a shove in the right direction. Hermann pushed the compress away again and gazing at Mako’s face from half-closed eyes.

     “I know how to get him out….I just need you to pick him up.”

Mako pursed her lips and looked at him with something between pride and concern. She sighed softly and pressed her forehead against his. Her hands wrapping around his fingers. An unfamiliar sense of stillness enveloping Hermann, Mako was on his side…he could move mountains. She whispered to him voice firm and resolute.

     “Tell me what you need me to do.”


	22. All Together Now

   The Beacon Church of the Beast had many strange rooms that Hermann could assign no name to. Near the elevator exit that lead to the beach there was a small room full of strange mechanical equipment. If he was pressed to guess Gottlieb would have said it was probably a communication device, a transmitter of some sort. This was as mysterious to Hermann as the perfectly white room near the cathedral that contained a single empty pedestal and nothing else. It had probably held something at one time…a holy book perhaps. Among all these mysterious places the strangest was possibly the “Altar Room,” a round room full of red tinted walls and smoked glass mirrors. Every Kaiju to ever exit the Breach was represented in the Altar Room in miniature. The walls were full of square cubbies and each cubby was dedicated to a different monster. Their vital information like name, emergence date and estimated body count engraved on a golden placard underneath. Newton would have called this their stat card. Hermann could almost hear him doing it inside his head.

Each small opening in the wall was its own altar where a disciple could pay tribute to the trans-dimensional beast of his choice. The smell of burned incense still lingered in every corner and blobs of long spilled candle wax clung to the protruding shelves. Balor, himself and the twins had actively avoided the place. They all lived in quarters that shared a floor with the Altar Room only because they were the easiest to heat, having close proximity to the generator. So it was a surprise to Hermann when he noticed the ornate black metal Altar Room door ajar as he limped down the hallway towards the communal kitchen.

It felt as if he had been sleeping for days. The last clear memory he had was speaking to Mako Mori in a nice room in an abandoned Kaiju church in the very center of nowhere. Hermann had felt sure after waking up from a long dark Newton-less sleep to a horrific pain his hip that the encounter must have been a dream. He wondered idly if his talk with Sean Patrick and his time in Newton’s body had also been a dream. The edges between his waking world and his sleeping one had become so thin maybe he was just unable to decipher them anymore.

The door being open was not a dream. He was sure of that. Hermann pulled himself laboriously forward, his makeshift crutch echoing down the empty halls. Laying a pale hand on the door he pushed it open and knew immediately that Mako had not been a dream.  The war hero Raleigh Becket was sitting on the bench at the center of the blood red room. He stared at the walls of Kaiju, an unreadable expression on his careworn face. Becket looked up when the door squeaked and offered Hermann an honest smile. He seemed genuinely glad to see him and Gottlieb felt a bit at a loss. He barely knew this man. They had met only once in Hong Kong before the close of the Breach. He had seen him perhaps three or four more times afterwards before he ran back to Germany with his tail between his legs.

     “Err…apologies if I’m interrupting Ranger Becket. I saw the door open and was curious…”

Raleigh gestured to the bench next to him in a way that reminded Hermann eerily of Sean Patrick on the dock. He wanted to take a step backward, to have nothing at all to do with this terrible room and its dreadful past. Instead Hermann took a shuffling clumsy step forward. He moved past the flickering candles that provided the rooms only light towards the Ranger.

Raleigh made no attempt to help him and he appreciated that deeply. It made him feel like they were on the same level, like they were somehow equals in Beckets eyes.

     “Glad your finally awake Doctor Gottlieb. Others were getting worried. I just figured you were tired. I know I would be if I was you.”

     “You’ve done far more in your Ranger career then I Mr. Becket. If anyone should be allowed the luxury of sleeping in it should be you.”

Raleigh smiled again but kept quiet. He shifted his gaze away from Hermann and back towards a particular cubby in the wall in front of them. Gottlieb did not have to work hard in deciphering which…third opening down, sixth from the door…Knifehead. The candlelight spilled across its gaping mouth and cruel teeth. Whatever artist had created the thing had captured it throwing its head back mid-roar. Gottlieb often wondered what had happened to the people here. Had they gone back to their normal lives? Shaken off the cult like recovering alcoholics? Raleigh spoke without turning his head.

     “I met your Kaiju.”

There was no malice or ill-feeling in Becket’s words, just a sort of quiet resignation…As if he was admitting something long in coming.

     “Ah. They are not really mine…I am just…”  
Hermann hesitated. He had no idea how to explain what he was to the Hive…it was as difficult as the time he tried to explain marriage in a Hive lecture and was met with confused growls. Relationships differ between cultures.

     “They belong to no one. They did before but no longer. When you closed the breach they became something very different.”

    “I noticed…”

Raleigh said nothing for a while after that and Hermann feared he had said something wrong. The man was so hard to read he had a feeling that even if they had known each other for years he would still be hard-pressed to guess what he was thinking.

    “…They were very gentle Doctor. I was surprised by how gentle they were. “

     “I will admit part of that is practice and explanation. Their manners improve once everything is carefully explained to them.”

Becket nodded as if half listening, his eyes heavy-lidded and dark with thought. He had not once looked away from the Knifehead altar. Gottlieb felt his throat burn with questions.

     “….Mr. Becket…sir. Did Mako…”

     “No. I agreed with her. She didn’t force me to come out here Doctor Gottlieb. We both had a lot of reasons. For one I’ve seen how much you and Newt mean to her…Its weird and I know you don’t know me well but I know you. I mean I feel like I know you…the time in the Drift.”

Hermann nodded. Raleigh didn’t need to explain this. He had experienced that same strange knowing feeling. He could have picked out Newton’s old band mates from across a crowded room. He could have had a conversation with Geiszler’s father as if he had grown up in the man’s house.

      “So…as strange as it is I feel like you two are important to me too. No to mention all the things the PPDC is doing that I don’t agree with but…it’s just…”

      “The Kaiju….all this bothers you. I would expect nothing less...”

The Ranger shook his head slowly and looked down at his hands, shoulders hunched slightly.

     “My brother Yancy liked that old expression…those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. I’ve thought about that saying a lot. It’s why I left the PPDC in the first place. I didn’t want to repeat the past…but what I was doing was running from it. I wasn’t learning. “

Hermann froze and stared at him. His muscles tightening as he took in every word. He wanted to reach out and touch Raleigh’s shoulder…tell him he understood. Becket heaved a huge sigh and let his fingers play with the zipper on the end of his jacket absently.

     “I hate the Kaiju. But…they were just being used right? What if…What if after world war two America had made no attempt to be friendly with the Japanese? Made no effort to understand them or connect with them. It doesn’t seem like the Kaiju are that kind of enemy but now I see they are. We can’t just keep repeating the past. We can’t let the PPDC use our fear of them to control us forever. We have to learn and move forward….My fear is still there but I have to move ahead…try and let it go.”

Raleigh raised his eyes up to the ceiling where a large mural of the Breach spread out like a spider web. Deep in the center of its glowing orange eye the screaming faces of the Kaiju could be seen, waiting to surface into the world on the other side. Hermann stood and slowly made his way towards an altar near the end of the room. A dry fountain sat back against the wall. It was full of the dead remains of plants that once grew around its edges. Everything smelled of dust and disuse. Gottlieb found Krueger’s sculpture in its own cubby and reached out an unsteady hand to touch it. Running his fingertips over the blunt head, the long clawed hands.

     “We had this one’s heart in a jar. The first time I touched it…It drew me into the Hive and I saw Newton as a little boy. I didn’t know what was happening at the time. I didn’t understand why I was dreaming from inside a Kaiju’s head…or why I felt their pain. Newton once told me that the Hivemind and drifting are the same thing. Kaiju drift all the time…I didn’t think they could feel things like love or empathy Mr. Becket…and I was wrong…just like I was wrong about so many other things. But your brother was correct…if I had not learned from my past…”

He pulled his hand back wishing with a sudden sick sadness that he had something to put on Krueger’s altar. The Kaiju had come to his partner hurt and lonely, died bleeding on a beach while he was cut to pieces.

     “I don’t think I can love them like you Doctor…but I will do my best to accept them.”

Raleigh said this as he got his feet, reaching up on his jacket and removing a golden pin from the pocket. It looked important…heroic. Perhaps a medal of honor he had earned for one of his many battles. Gottlieb watched intrigued as he laid the medal on Knifehead’s Altar then jammed his hands into his pockets, a small smile on his lips.

    “You hungry? I think they are attempting to make brunch in the kitchen.”

Without windows it was difficult to tell what time it was inside the church dormitories. Hermann was surprised they weren’t making dinner for how long he had slept. He choked on a streak of white pain in his leg and back but managed to answer in a steady voice.

     “I find myself without much of an appetite these days….”

Raleigh frowned concerned and took a step towards the door waiting for Hermann to follow. He took the man in, scrutinizing his crutch and his pale thin face.

     “If you can’t keep chow down we need you for war council….sooner we get Dr. Geiszler out of the Icebox the better.”

This gave Hermann a burst of energy and he nodded moving shakily towards the doorway. He cast one final look back at the rows of box altars, the shelves of dead gods… then he blew out the candles one by one casting the room and its memories into darkness. Gottlieb followed Ranger Becket out into the hall.

 

Sonia hugged Hermann again nervously. She touched his face and hair in a fidgeting upset way that he could not quite place. Mako was attempting to make omlettes with Howard in the large elaborate kitchen while Raleigh spoke softly with Balor at a sprawling wood table in the adjacent dining room. Three huge tables were set side by side to accommodate the people who had once worshipped here. Now the inhabitants sat squeezed close around one edge of the table closest to the good smells and friendly chatter of the kitchen. After a solid minute of the Whateley twin fussing over him Gottlieb felt irritated. He wanted badly to tell Sonia to stop. The attention was starting to try his frayed nerves.

     “Miss Whateley…”

She looked at him surprised and drew her hands back crossing her arms together tightly.

     “Sorry Doc...”

Sonia cast an uneasy glance at Raleigh and snuffled. She had a bruise on her cheek that Hermann was sure had not been there before. For a terrifying moment he wondered if Mudpuppy had hurt her when he had reared up. The Kaiju would never hurt Sonia on purpose but…

     “Miss Whateley…that bruise.”

She bit her lip and cast an agitated glance Raleigh’s direction.

     “They just showed up on the beach…said they were looking for you…I didn’t even think I…”

     “Mr. Becket subdued you in self defense?”

Sonia ran her hands through her hair and ruffled it making an unhappy noise deep in her throat.

     “They could have really been here to hurt you…all of us. It only took him like ten seconds to get me off my feet…They just walked up the beach and planted our faces right in the sand.”

     “Where were the Kaiju?...”

     “Out hunting…they had finally calmed down…we did the signal for water and they went…Mudpuppy didn’t want to go but I sent him anyway…He was worried I could tell.  The moment he…not ten minutes later the _real_ heroes come strolling up the beach…”

Hermann looked at her eyebrows furrowed, mouth drawn into a thin frown.

    “Real heroes Miss Whateley?”

She scrunched up her nose casting a dark look down at her freckled hands. She played with a Kaiju shaped salt shaker and wiped at her nose trying to hide her eyes as they teared-up.

     “Yeah ….the _real_ fucking heroes. The ones who will actually…like…save the day…”

Sonia glanced across the long table at her brother who was laughing too loudly at something Mako had said.

     “Look at him moon over her. He got a mean crush on her after the Beach closure…had all the posters and read all the interviews…”

      “Stop….Sonia…Stop right now and explain to me how you are not a real hero?”

Hermann tried to keep his voice low but felt a growing discomfort…he was very glad no one was listening to them.

      “I don’t want to fucking talk about it ok? I just….I’m gonna go and see if Mudpuppy is back yet….”

She stood too fast and sniffed once very loudly, her face turning red as she headed for the doorway. Hermann reached out a hand but she ignored him. Speed walking past the kitchen she called out over her shoulder to Mako.

     “Howard _masturbates_ while thinking about you!!”

Howard choked violently on a bit of omlette and turned the brightest shade of red Hermann had ever seen…then Sonia was gone. The kitchen went uncomfortably silent until Raleigh started to laugh. Balor and Mako joined him but Hermann couldn’t find it funny. Sonia was feeling hurt, betrayed and he ventured to guess just a bit jealous. He picked up the Kaiju salt shaker and examined at it from all angles, wishing he had said something better than he had. Balor and Raleigh moved closer to him still laughing. The Irishman wiped tears from his eyes.

     “I’m sure Howie ain tha only only one eh? Hahaha”

Hermann frowned stoically looking down his nose at Balor his lip curling into an involuntary sneer. He didn’t find it funny. Sonia only seemed to lash out when she was truly hurting.

     “…I don’t think it’s humorous in the least.“

Balor waved him off with a snort and turned back to Raleigh.

    “Probably jus angry she gah knocked down in one hit…Now Becket tell em what yeh been telling me about that Icebox.”

Raleigh looked slightly guilty but only nodded and taking a few coins and miscellaneous objects from his pockets he brushed off the tabletop in front of them.

     “I know the Icebox inside out. We were stationed there for a little over five years…real home away from home.”

He took off his belt and laid it in a circle on the table running a hand along the edge.

     “Now…Doctor Gottlieb I know you’ve lived in Shatterdomes as much as any of us but the Icebox is a little bit different. Most of the domes are underground bunkers, but the Icebox is on top of an ice cliff so it doesn’t go as deep. Luckily for us…most of the barracks and officers quarters are above the landline…You were just stationed at Fortress I yeah? It’s not like that at all. Fortress goes _down_ …”

He gestured with his hand tracing the shape of a nail buried in the earth.

     “Icebox goes _out_.”

Becket tapped a finger on his belt with a nod and set down several coins and broken pieces of cigarette inside the Shatterdome map he was constructing.

     “There are actually two infirmaries in the box…one here…and one here.”

He pointed to a penny near the bottom edge of the table and another near the top.

     “Dr Geiszler will not be in the general infirmary…that’s just a clinic for the mechanics and staff. He’ll be in the Rangers infirmary. Back before the closure Anchorage was one of the last Shatterdomes still testing new drift technology so they have a really small medical bay more designed for brain injury…That’s where your partner is being held.”

Hermann nodded slowly trying as best he could to commit all his focus on Raleigh’s words. He felt with a great certainty that Becket was familiar with this infirmary. Possibly it was where he was taken right after his…Well, what had befallen him and his brother out at sea. The Ranger continued once he was sure Gottlieb understood. Pouring out lines of salt he made several shapes to represent hallways placing bits of cigarette where he thought personnel might be. By the time Mako brought over the first plates of omlette Hermann felt like he could find his way sufficiently from the Icebox infirmary to the nearest door out.

 Howard was still red and flustered. He sat close to Hermann pushing food at him. They had even sprung for what appeared to be orange juice. Not a small ration card item.  Gottlieb watched a drop of condensation drip down the side of the old glass. His attention wandered, vision dulling around the edges. The hive was whispering something he could almost hear. Newton was partially awake and he was scared. He had forgotten where he was again and reached out trying to find Hermann outside the fog. Hermann’s breath caught in his throat as the feeling faded.  Newton seemed to give up…laying weakly back down to let sleep take him. Each time it was harder for him to get up. Hermann jolted when Howard laid a kind hand on his shoulder.

    “Eat Doc...you haven’t eaten since yesterday…”

Hermann stared down at the steaming pile of egg end cheese and felt his entire digestive system curl into a greasy knot. Balor was leaning over the Shatterdome map pushing bits and pieces around thoughtfully.

    “Mori explained the basics ah yer plan “Ermann….buh jus. Explain again. Exactly how yeh think this is gonna go.”

Picking up a dime Hermann turned it in his fingers carefully. Coins were worthless as currency now. Paper money or ration cards were the only way to get anything.

     “I’m going to move Newton…from the inside out.”

He put the coin down in the little boxed off area Raleigh had marked as the infirmary with a deep sigh.

     “…I’m going to use the Hivemind to pilot him like a Jaeger.”

The table was silent as everyone processed this information in their own way. Howard finally shoved the orange juice closer to Hermann’s hand as he spoke.

     “Well…probably need fuel for that right?”

Hermann picked up his glass as Mako chewed unhappily on the inside of her cheek.  
     “We have….someone inside who can help you Hermann.”

He swallowed a mouthful of juice and winced a bit on the bitter aftertaste looking at Mako curiously.

     “Inside?”

She played with her food, face serious and thoughtful as she considered.

     “I cannot tell you his name….he would not allow me to tell you that he was the one that helped us find you here. Helped us make a clean break with the Rapture. You would do best not to press…He has his reasons…but he is currently at the Icebox and could possibly help you…how soon must we do this?”

Hermann looked from Mako to Raleigh forcing down the many questions he had about his mystery benefactor. He had to trust the Rangers. They were helping him when in reality they owed him and Newton absolutely nothing. It was rude to question a gift.

     “…Every few hours...someone stabs a needle into the nerves of Newton’s leg. I can feel it and the effects are…debilitating. I…I honestly do not know how long I can endure it….Newton is getting harder to…harder to feel.”

Balor spoke around a mouth of egg and diced tomato.

     “Then soon as possible…we wait till yeh ad a jab then send ya in…sometime late ah night when the ‘firmeries probably emptied out. Yeh geh ta the door an the Rapture picks ye up….simple”

Howard looked unsettled by everything and he pushed more food onto Hermann’s plate distractedly. He leaned in close and spoke in a near whisper face lined with concern.

       “Can you…hold onto him long enough Doc?....I mean…are you sure your strong enough to do this? What if you both get caught and…I mean…is there no better way?”

Hermann realized he was bouncing his good leg nervously but all he could do was nod and put a bit of egg in his mouth just to placate the Whateley twin.

     “….This is the best way. The Hive won’t be involved and you will help yes?”

     “Well of course I will…you don’t even need to ask.”

Raleigh watched them. Catching Hermann’s eyes when finally looked away from his plate.

     “Listen very… _very_ carefully Doctor. I’m going to tell you again exactly where to go and what door you need to exit out of to meet us. You’re going to have to go outside into the cold but if the twins help you get to the Rapture it should be quick. We’re just gonna quiz you till you know the way in your sleep.”

Hermann nodded feeling the first sharp flare of needles touching the nerves in his hip. He did his best to ignore it and took a shaky breath.

      “Alright…start from the beginning.”

 

Hermann found Sonia humming softly to herself and sitting on the end of Mudpuppy’s gigantic snout. The Kaiju was asleep and making soft grunting noises that were half snore half growl. Even curled into a ball he took up a fair chunk of the beach, his long limbs twitching every once in awhile spasmodically as he dreamed enormous Kaiju dreams. Sonia stroked his skin and watched it light up. She acknowledged Hermann but did not look at him as he exited the elevator a few feet from Mudpuppy’s face.

     “Hey Doc. Enjoy your breakfast?”

Gottlieb hobbled over to a natural bench formed from some cliff rocks. It was his usual resting spot and the Kaiju knew that’s where they could find him if he was on the beach.  
     “It was…productive.”

She snorted and leaned backward, propped in the area between the lowest of Mudpuppy’s six eyes.

     “Come up with a heroic plan? Balor said we weren’t action stars remember? Oh wait…I guess we have action stars here now so it changes the whole dynamic.”

Hermann sighed and drew numbers in the sand in front of him with his crutch absently.

      “I had come to ask for your help Miss Whateley…but I see you are in no mood…”

Sonia crossed her arms and bit her lower lip scrunching her nose up in the process. Hermann couldn’t help but smile at the gesture. It was such a uniquely Whateley mannerism.

      “I’m sorry Doc…I want to be part of this big escape plan. That’s why I came…”

     “No. That is a lie Miss Whateley. I know exactly why you came.”

She slid down the side of mudpuppy’s head and walked down one of his front limbs, standing above Hermann on the top of a single curved claw. Her hands in her jacket pockets as she shrugged.

     “Why then? Why did I come?”

     “You and Howard came because you care about Newton and myself.”

She considered hopping from one nail to another until she hit the beach. The Whateley plodded towards him her head hunched between her shoulders. She stopped in front of the numbers he was scribbling in the sand.

      “What’s that?”

       “A variation on Noether's theorem. It reminds me of you and your brother…it is about symmetry.”

She looked down at the collection of numbers and parenthesis with real interest.

      “Numbers remind you of us?”

     “Oh yes…I find numbers can have as much personality as people…Daring, brave, friendly even foreboding. They go on their own adventures I think.”

Sonia bobbed her head and sat next to him, ostensibly pleased by his answer. He felt her slip an arm around his shoulders and knew that whatever he had done had been the right thing. People were difficult to understand but luckily some of them seemed to understand him.

     “So…what’s the plan for rescue Doc.”

     “…You are going to go with the Rapture. I will be here…It will all start when I touch one of the Kaiju skin to skin…then it will be up to me.”

 

Hermann cracked open one eye very slowly. It was quiet. He was sure he was alone. The local time was late…past one in the morning. No one would want to be here alone this late with a comatose Kaiju sympathizer. He took a long breath and brought an unsteady hand up over his face, wiggling his fingers...Newt’s fingers. They were so much smaller than his, practically stubby by comparison. Blinking a few times Hermann willed his mind through his partner’s muscles. It wasn’t easy. Newton’s body fought back in strange ways. Felt heavier then he was sure it had any right to be. With a painful twisting motion Hermann pushed himself half upward. His breath caught in his lungs painfully and he pressed a tattooed arm around his chest eyes wide and unfocused. He couldn’t see a damn thing.

Newton’s glasses... was there any chance in hell they kept them in the infirmary? Near the bed? He doubted it. Hermann reached up ready to take a mask from his mouth and found a tube stuffed down his throat instead. Taking as deep a breath as he was able Gottlieb yanked the tube and felt it rip as it came out.

A gush of warm blood rushed up Newton’s throat and the pain that accompanied it was intense. Hermann coughed and for a second felt a cold certainty that he had come to help Geiszler and had killed him instead. He gagged and spit blood on the floor. Without the oxygen he felt light-headed. Everything smelled so strongly of his own blood and the way his vision wavered he felt sure he would be sick. Hermann held still until the room stopped spinning. He couldn’t let the nausea stop him for long, he was tight on time. Pushing Newt up onto his bare feet Hermann felt their knees wobble from neglect. He took a split second to appreciate how they bore his weight stubby as they were. It was odd to feel no pain in his hips and back…more than odd to realize that his left leg had feeling below the knee.

He caught himself staring at the bands of color running up his arms and tried to shake it off. No time to be a tourist. It only took three soft steps through the bleary out of focus infirmary for him to realize Newton had been sleeping in a backless hospital gown. Deep inside Hermann grimaced. The Alaska winter air was not going to be kind to that much exposed skin. He also had no shoes to speak of. Even if he did get his partner out how much frostbite was he going to suffer by the end of it?

There was a loud crash and a sudden sharp pain in his Newt’s arm. Hermann swore and looking down he realized he had forgotten the IV in his wrist. The stand toppled over with a deafening crash and his breath caught in their throat. Hot blood trickled from the ripped skin where the IV had been tugged out. Gottlieb coughed and heard Newton’s high-pitched voice speak with slight hints of his accent.

     “Well this is going just wonderfully...”

Putting a hand to the wound he took a few halting breaths. Newton, the real fog-bound Newton, stirred inside him somewhere. He couldn’t feel the hive here. Apparently he was cut off as much as Newton was. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to remember where inside the belt and among the salt lines he was bound for next.

Left….Left….Right…Left…Left….Out. That was the Pattern. If he could remember that everything would be fine. As long as he kept to the pattern and avoided the cigarette butts and the pennies he would get Newt out of here. The hallway was quiet and very familiar. It felt so similar to the Hong Kong Shatterdome Hermann felt a very palpable sense of déjà vu. There was no sound but Newton’s rough labored breathing and the slap of his feet on frigid concrete. They took the first left and turned into another identical hallway, or at least to Hermann it was identical. Everything looked similar when it was one large nebulous blur. He had never realized Geiszler’s vision was so terrible.

Another left. His heart…Newton’s heart was thumping too loud in his ears. The sound was so distracting he barely noticed the other pair of footsteps until they were upon him. The sound echoed and he stopped looking frantically around the blurry hall for a place to hide. Was it his contact? Where was he supposed to meet the contact again? Was it the second left or the fourth? Hermann started to panic turning back, rushing forward then turning back again. He found himself making very soft Newtonesque whining noises in the back of his throat which just made the panic sharper.

     “Newt?..”

The voice asked this tentatively then seemed to correct itself and added.

     “Hermann.”

Gottlieb snapped around from his useless panicked circles and squinted, trying to see. Firm hands placed a pair of solid chunky glasses on his nose and the entire world snapped together with sudden glorious clarity. Tendo Choi was looking down at him concerned. His hair disheveled and his bowtie crooked. His eyes weres red rimmed, raw meat pink at the edges and he had a faint smell of liquor on his breath. Hermann barely had time to even register that Choi was his inside man before the tech was shoving a pair of pants into his hands.

     “Get your pale ass into these before you freeze your partner’s dick off.”

Hermann obeyed on autopilot in too much shock to even question anything that was asked of him. Why hadn’t they just told him it was Choi? He felt irritation begin to burn up his neck and into his cheeks.

     “Tendo…”

      “No time man…I thought we had more time but they’re doing a patrol sweep…fuck if I know why…sorry I met you here. The infirmary has a camera and I can’t be seen with you. We’re alright in the halls to the door but…fuck I forgot shoes…FUCK…”

He hauled a sweater from the bag at his side, the same place he had been holding the pants and glasses apparently. Hermann took it unsure what else to do...too drained to be truly angry. He was already feeling the strain of moving Geiszler and he could not have been at it more than a minute or so. Taking a deep breath Hermann tightened his grip steeling himself up.

      “Tendo why…”

Worrying an unlit cigarette in his teeth Choi grabbed him roughly by the shoulder and pulled him forward.

     “Come on talk and walk…shake and bake…hustle it…if you want a question answered do it walking. I think that Lars Gottlieb is here and he always asks for extra security. That’s probably why everything is off.”

The name froze all the blood in Newton’s body and Hermann whimpered despite himself. They took the first and only right and he realized now they were halfway to the door…they were halfway out. Tendo kept checking over his shoulder listening for the sounds of guard detail. In Hong Kong and Tokyo the military guards and their guns were just a part of the scenery. Hermann had barely paid attention to them. They had rarely gone in the barracks and the lab was off limits to everyone…but he had constantly passed them whenever venturing outside the Shatterdomes. Gottlieb shivered and hugged himself. He walked close to Tendo watching him move with an unnatural jittery nervousness.

     “Why wouldn’t you…”

     “Look…I…things didn’t really end right in Helsinki and I wasn’t sure if you would trust me if you knew who was coming to help you. Mako and I have been communicating through coded e-mails and it’s been sketchy and dangerous from the start. I’m not even sure if I know what’s going on right now. You’re Newt but Mako says your actually Hermann…I’m not sure if I really understand it. I just know I can’t blow my cover and I’m risking a lot just to get you part way to the door…”

They took another left, the next hallway curved slightly and was by far the longest. Hermann couldn’t even see the end of this one. He lagged and wished that he could just…stop for a moment and catch his breath. He was getting so tired.

     “Newt…I mean if Newt is in there somewhere? Or Hermann if you could tell Newt if he’s in there somewhere….you can do that right?”

The air was starting to get even colder if that was possible and Gottlieb winced. His toes becoming so numb he was starting to stumble as he walked.

     “Y…yes I could.”

     “Tell him I’m sorry about Fortress II and about the program. He was right…it doesn’t matter if we are making big advances and doing incredible things. If we’re doing them for the wrong reasons…”

Tendo stopped when he realized Newton wasn’t next to him. Hermann leaned against a wall one arm out the other curled around his aching ribs. He tried to take deep breaths but could only manage panting gasps. The lightheadedness was getting worse. This body just wasn’t getting enough oxygen. Choi put his arm around Newt and pulled him upright.

     “Don’t pass out while I’m trying to apologize brother that’s just rude…come on its only a little bit farther to the exit Mako told me you needed to get to.”

Hermann shook his head and leaned some of Newton’s weight on the tech as he continued talking.

     “Yeah…wrong is wrong. Shrike and …all the other things they’ve got planned…I should have realized that when I paid my first taxes in flesh and blood. But I’m deep into it now…I’m trying to fight it from the inside in little ways… like helping you.”

The long curved hall which was probably the edge of the Shatterdome building itself finally, mercifully, ended and they took the final left. Tendo was half pushing him now. Hermann had managed a walking pace alright on his short unfamiliar legs but a run seemed out of the question. The LOCCENT tech stared at him with a kind of wonder in his tired bloodshot eyes.

     “You really are Hermann aren’t you? Newt would have been screaming and arguing with me by now...”

Tendo stopped. There was the distinct sound of shoes on concrete behind them…a group by the number of feet hitting the hard floor. Tendo squeezed Hermann/Newts hand tight and his expression was pained. He looked as repentant as anyone Gottlieb had ever seen and he felt a kind of pained reverence for him. He could not help still feeling angry…it all seemed so simple why had Tendo not helped them out before? Camera be damned he could have found a way. Slipping out of his tattered loafers Choi fumbled with something in his pocket and stuffed it into Hermann’s hands. It was a small rattling bottle of pills.

     “You can’t go barefoot outside just take these… and I saved this and the glasses when they got him from Hurricane…It’s the medication for his bi-polar disorder. Good luck man…sorry about this…I know you’ll make it.”

Shoving Newts body towards the huge metal door at the end of the hall Tendo ran the opposite direction of the footsteps. He was not going to stay Hermann realized with muted terror. He was all alone and people were coming. Jamming the little bottle into his pants pocket and sliding his small feet into the too large shoes he reached up numb fingers for the door handle. It was the same wheel like protrusion he was used to using in Hong Kong.

At first even with all his weight yanking at it the thing wouldn’t budge. He could hear voices now. A whole horde of laughing talking voices. He took a wheezing breath, pulling again and let out a soft cry of relief when the heavy wheel turned. The massive door swung outward helped along by a gust of wind. Snow flurries exploded into the hallway immediately dusting everything with a light coating of white powder. The shock of the cold made Hermann tighten his grip on Newton’s muscles and he convulsed slightly staring out into an endless plane of smooth white snow. The sky was the heavy red of snowy storm clouds. Outside of the bright lights illuminating the edges of the Icebox there was not a sign of civilization as far as he could see. He would be going out into that fierce night naked.

     “Hey!...You!”

Hermann turned horrified as the voice reached him. The group of footsteps, a small cluster of mechanics, had turned the corner and spotted him in the open doorway. One of the bolder ones took a tentative step forward into the gale and waved their arms.

     “Are you fucking crazy!? Why would you…”

He didn’t stay to hear the rest of the question. The doorway was elevated and he had to jump to reach a small pile of powder on the ground. Hitting the ground badly Gottlieb tumbled down a steep hill of snow to level ground. Looking back he could see faces in the glow of the door watching his progress. Hermann managed to find his feet but as soon as he was upright the wind almost knocked him back down again. He lost a shoe in the jump and wasted valuable time putting back on. It seemed pointless. His foot was just as cold with it on. Newt’s glasses had slipped sideways and were coated with ice and powder but at least they hadn’t fallen off.

The cold…it was unimaginable. He didn’t realize it was possible to be so cold. Every cell in Newt’s body was saturated with it. Hermann pulled his hands into the sleeves of the thin sweater and tried to get his bearings. Raleigh had told him they would meet him outside the door. All he had to do once he was outside was head towards the ocean. Where was the ocean? He couldn’t see a bloody thing. The visibility was clogged with snow. It fell from above and whipped up from the ground. The ice crystals sharp and hard, cutting his skin like tiny grains of glass.

Hermann sucked in a pained breath and took a step to his left…that way was as good as any and he didn’t have much time left. It was becoming difficult just keeping his grip on Newton, let alone move him. Gottlieb was thankful the hive couldn’t hear them right now, they would have been hysterical. This whole plan had been stupid…he had pulled Newton out of a nice warm infirmary in a cozy Shatterdome to die of exposure three feet from an open door. He managed to take another step and his leg sank into the snow up to the knee. Everything was numb and he had lost feeling in his feet completely…how ironic.

He needed to stop. It was all too heavy and he was so tired. If he just left and retreated back to his own body it would be alright. Hermann’s eyes widened and he felt horror at himself for even thinking this. He lifted his leg from the snow completely losing Tendo’s shoe again. There was no time to grab it and soon he had lost both of them. He took a barefoot step in what he hoped was the right direction, the Alaska cold was ripping at Geiszler’s uncovered ears…his nose and lips.

Somewhere behind him a siren had started to blare. The loud piercing sound muffled by the snow and the wind. One…two…three more steps and the sound almost faded completely into the shriek of rushing air, the swirl of ice. Hermann stopped, teeth chattering so violently he was afraid they would shatter. Then it struck him. He could see the ocean. Hermann stood hair blowing around his face and marveled that he not noticed the sheer cliff just inches in front of his nose, dropping away into the heaving grey of the Pacific. Newton’s eyelids fluttered. He had done all he could. He had to stop now…there was nowhere left for him to go.

     “DOC!”

Gottlieb barely registered the voice at first, barely understood that it was a voice at all and not some trick of the wind.

     “DOC! OVER HERE! WE’RE COMING!”

     “STAY RIGHT THERE!”

     “DON’T MOVE…OR DO MOVE CLOSER? EITHER WAY WE’RE COMING!”

The twins climbed over a snow drift near the side of the cliff pushing through the wind towards him. Sonia was wearing his old green parka over her ranger jacket and Howard was wearing what looked like every article of clothing he owned along with thick coat that was probably Raleigh’s. The twins tripped all over themselves to reach him and once they did they embraced him tightly. They were warm and he could almost smell them over the overpowering scents of cold and snow. Sonia stripped off the parka and wrapped Newton’s body in it, pulling it tight around his quivering shoulders. Hermann felt raw pain in Geiszler’s struggling lungs. He coughed long hacking coughs. It was difficult just taking in air. Everyone felt like giants. The twins seemed to loom over him and the sudden height difference was disconcerting. Sonia drew him closer pressing her cheek to his forehead. She was giving off so much heat he wilted slightly when she let go.

 Hermann tried to find his voice but he was shaking too badly, gazing back the way he had come he could barely see the Icebox through the storm. There was only the reflection of bright light smudged by the ice that hung in the atmosphere. He gestured to where he could see Tendo’s shoes half buried in the snow and looked at Sonia meaningfully behind Newton’s glasses. She followed his pointing finger and saw them. Puzzled she lowered her eyes down to his feet.

     “Holy SHIT Hermann! Just…Shit…Howard stay here I’ve got to go get his shoes!”

Howard stopped staring at the cliff long enough to glance at her anxiously, shouting so he could be heard over the blizzard.

     “What? Shoes? They’ll be here any minute now! There’s no time!”

She waved him off and stepped away. Leaving Hermann in her brother’s arms, Sonia trudged forward forcefully through the deep drifts. She picked up one shoe only a few feet away and was digging around for the second when three things seemed to happen simultaneously. First there was a light that appeared a little ways off…the headlamp of a snowmobile. The second was the shot. A rifle shot rang out muffled slightly by the snow but not enough that it didn’t make Newton’s entire frozen body stiffen in shock. Third and last was the Rapture’s arrival. The Shrike rose slowly over the side of the cliff, the giant towering above the scene and taking it all in with the vacant expressionless facemask.

Sonia took a staggering step forward the shoe still clutched in her gloved hand. She seemed confused, after only one unsteady step she collapsed heavily into the snow. Hermann didn’t even give the Rapture a second glance, even when it raised up an arm and aimed a gargantuan hand threateningly at the people on the snowmobiles. The military personal all dropped their guns and threw up their arms instantly. They probably knew what kind of weapon was contained in that hand. Gottlieb couldn’t move or think. All he could do was stare at the fallen Whateley twin. She was trying to get up but her movements looked pained and jerky, then she just lay still, the snow already blowing over her prone body.

Howard started to screech but he didn’t let go of Newt, clutching him as he shouted his voice raw. His words turned to sobs as he screamed his sister’s name over and over again. The Rapture’s foot touched down next to them as the world began to turn fluid and watery. Hermann was losing control. Already he could feel Geiszler’s knees buckling under him, his body sagging. He couldn’t breathe...wasn’t sure Newton would be able to breathe on his own once he turned control back over. He scrabbled to keep his hold on Newt’s brain, digging in imaginary heels. It wasn’t enough. He was reaching the very end of his endurance. The Shrike kept a hand trained on the Shatterdome guards all the while slowly leaning down on one knee. The last thing Hermann saw before he lost his mental footing was Sonia in the snow. The Rapture’s lights shone around her and he caught the dark ink stain of black on white...Blood on snow. Then he was gone.

 

Hermann’s hand rested on something warm and solid. Something with skin and hair, muscle and bone. He drew back confused, waking up slowly. He took a moment to remember that he was himself now, experienced a brief sense of double vision. The memories rushed over him and he gasped. The gunshot...Sonia Whateley tumbling into the snow.

He had to get up and make sure Sonia was alright. If something had happened to her. Hermann pushed down the fear in his stomach and the bile crawling up the back of his throat. The flesh and blood thing in the bed with him snorted in sleep and he stared confused. Only partially understanding what he was seeing. He was back in his bed in the Beacon Church...not back really he had never left. He was in his room in the Kaiju cult church and Newton was beside him.

 Newt looked small. He always looked small, but now he looked slight…scarcely there. He looked insubstantial, like he would break under the tiniest bit of pressure. Hermann faltered then slowly reached out a hand to touch his partners shoulder. He had seen it happen…he had been inside that little body feeling the effects of barbiturates on his brain and sedatives in his blood. He pulled his hand away when Newton made a small breathless noise in the back of his throat. He was wearing a relay helmet. It appeared to be one of the Raptures…white and curved, the same sleek modern appearance of the Jaeger itself. The helmet was hooked up to a small canister of oxygen on the side of the big bed, a rudimentary setup to help his partner breathe.

It made sense he was having difficulty, he had been on oxygen for weeks. He was coming out of a coma for god’s sake. It had been kind of them to put him in Hermann’s bed. Just having him close was already melting the ache of loss and isolation inside. He touched Newt’s skin, fingers folding around his hand…just to make sure he was there. To find some assurance it wasn’t just another dream. He was pleased to see no signs of frostbite when he turned Geiszler’s hand over in his, examining his fingers.

     “<Newton….can you hear me?>”

Newton didn’t answer but he moved towards the heat of Gottlieb’s body instinctually. Hermann let out a squeaking sob and wrapped his arms around Newton’s chest drawing him close and burying his face in his shoulder. He snuffled into Geiszler’s neck. The concept that Newton was here next to him again…that he was safe in his arms was slowly sinking in.

      “<Thank god…oh…Thank God Newton.>”

He pushed his face into Newt pressing a kiss to his collarbone. He just held him…taking in the weight and warmth of him. After a few blissful minutes Gottlieb drew in a hissing pained breath. His brain was full of nails. Sonia could be dying and he had to go find her…yet the thought of physically separating from Newton caused him to start shaking.

     “<Not again…not again I won’t leave you alright? I promise….I PROMISE…never again…that will never happen again…>”

He was babbling. The words spilling garbled from his mouth. Hermann stopped and swallowed hard. Tears squeezed out his eyes. He laughed and it came out a frantic high pitched sound that wasn’t quite right. He was manic with pent-up stress and sudden release. Newt wasn’t going anywhere he told himself taking a breath so forcefully deep his lungs felt like they would pop. He tried to calm the trembling. Worried it would escalate into some sort of empathetic panic attack. Gottlieb looked around his room. In the dim light of his bedside lamp he couldn’t see his crutch. Hermann called out weakly. His voice cracked as he shouted loud as he was able.

     “Is anyone there?...Mako?...Balor?…Howard?!”

There was no reply. He sat still in the silence holding Newton close…unsure what to do next.


	23. Que Sera Sera

Hermann clung to Newt tightly, a shaky hand on his chest, counting the minutes in the empty bedroom. He waited for someone to come and fetch him, to tell him what was going on. His head was pounding painfully though not nearly as bad as the first time he had entered Newt's body. He was surprised he had come out of it so unscathed, his nose was not even bleeding. Without his crutch there was no way he could walk out of this room. Not without someone to support him and it was _maddening_. Not just the waiting itself but the feeling of helplessness. Hermann drifted in and out of an exhausted doze and had several things that could easily have been classified as hallucinations. Once he jolted upwards completely convinced Sean Patrick was sitting on a high-backed chair in the corner. He could have sworn the dead Ranger was leering at him in the dim light but as he blinked the sleep from his eyes the vision faded. Not ten minutes later his head snapped up from his chest and he turned to find his father staring at him. It took a full five minutes before he realized it was just his reflection in a dusty mirror. The relief from that left him giddy.

The only good thing to come from the horrible cycle of nodding off and waking up was the fact that as time ticked laboriously by Newton’s breathing was steadily getting stronger. His feelings becoming clearer in the connection as his body began to wake up. Gottlieb debated removing the relay helmet, just to see Newt’s face for a few seconds, but decided to hold off. Content to watch the green tinted visor fog with condensation as Geiszler took in soft easy breaths. He was going to be alright.

The Hive was beginning to worm its way back into their collective thoughts. The noise raucous and joyful when they Kaiju realized they could sense the fast-thinker again. The Hivemind was a warm bubbling dissonance of noise, a sort of celebration that Hermann wished he was in a place to enjoy it. His head becoming heavy again Gottlieb found himself nodding off into another half-doze when the door creaked open.

     “Mako!...Thank god!”

Hermann did not mean for his words to be so loud or so slurred and he moved Newton away gently as the Ranger approached him her face drawn.

     “Hermann, I apologize. I did not mean to leave you alone for so long but we were…attempting to get Ranger Whateley’s bleeding under control. I had figured you would not be awake for several hours….“

The smell of blood was powerful and metallic when it struck, assaulting Hermann full force. Mako was still wearing her conductor scrubs and part of her drift suit, the armor encasing most of her from the waist down. Her circuitry suit shone red in places and crusted brown in others. How many hours had passed? What time or day was it?

       “Sonia? Where is she? Bleeding? Why…”

Mako walked purposefully to the bedroom’s tiny entrance hall and brought Hermann his crutch. He had not seen it concealed around the corner. He could have made it there if he had only been able to see the damn thing.

     “We must meet…the group. Are you well enough to join? An important decision must be made and unfortunately…I believe it must be yours.”

Hermann frowned and took the crutch looking hesitantly over at Newton. He had noticed a few spare oxygen canisters sitting on the ground near his writing desk. How often did they need to be replaced? How much longer would he even need them…He didn’t want to leave Newt alone but the edge of Mako’s voice was sharp and his partner was safe enough. He had no room to be selfish now. Not when Sonia needed him.

     “I’m well enough…Help me up please, Mako….”

She needed no second bidding and half-carried Gottlieb towards the door. Adjusting his crutch, they moved into the dark velvet-lined hall and past painted portraits of the church founders. They were men who did not look to be out of their twenties and a few women that might have passed for soccer moms aside from their dour eyes and humorless expressions.

      “Miss Whateley is alive then? You did say she was alive?”

Mako held him steady and met his eyes. She had not looked this way since she had come to him after Stacker’s death. She had seemed collected then but…under the surface she was shaken, a hidden current of strife beneath still waters.

      “She is alive…for now.”

Before he had a chance to ask exactly what she meant by “for now”, he spotted Balor and Raleigh in the dim hallway in what was clearly a heated argument. The Irishman was near spitting, gesturing wildly towards the opposite wall. They kept their voices to low passionate whispers; Raleigh only stopping when he saw the two of them approaching.

    “Doc…glad you’re here.”

Hermann swallowed looking from one face to the other. Becket was anxious but stolid and cool in the face of something unknowable. He was wearing partial drift armor just like Mako and Hermann could see crusted bits of blood on his chest…spatters of fresher blood on his hands. Balor was shaking; his bloody fingers clasping an unlit cigarette. He blurted out a jumble of meaningless upset words at Hermann, shaggy eyebrows knit in worry.

     “Even if we go she probably won make it, boy! Yeah have to listen tae reason!”

Raleigh wheeled on him and his usual still features clouded with rage, callused hands tightening into fists.

     “If there is a chance….”

     “Then wha? We have to run an leave er an er brother tae die alone! S’cruel! We cannae separate the two an ‘Oward will be left half alive an all alone ta be interrogated. Aye! Tortured on top a being ripped in half!

He pulled his hands apart and made an ugly tearing noise in his throat to illustrate. Raleigh snarled and leaned over, nearly bending double so he and Flood were face to face.

     “ _IF_ she lives he won’t have to go through that…and he would turn himself in for just a tiny chance don’t you think?”

Mako interrupted voice smooth and soft despite the distress in her eyes and posture.

     “No. We agreed. We agreed that Hermann would be allowed to decide… He is our leader. He has been for awhile even if we did not say it out loud.”

Hermann was trying to follow the thread of argument between the Ranger and the engineer. It was about Sonia. he gathered that much. Balor lit his cigarette, staring at Hermann with watery blue eyes. Mako turned to face him and touched his cheek with a gentle hand the rough material of her circuitry suit brushing his skin.

     “Ranger Whateley. You witnessed her being shot?”

He nodded, his eyes drifting towards the door. The Hive shifted its collective weight, going silent as they listened. Newt glowed with a hot blue light that seemed to burn the back of Hermann’s eyes.  He ignored them, focusing every fiber of himself on Mako.

     “Yes. When I was inside Newton she went after our shoes…I saw the men with rifles.”

Mako took a deep breath and dared Balor to interrupt with a look. He said nothing, blowing a thin stream of smoke and pacing the hall.

     “She was wounded badly. The bullet passed through her and ripped her insides before it exited out her back. We got her into the Rapture and did our best to help but… She lost a lot of blood and I am sure that without help she will die.”

Balor interjected loudly from where he was pacing, throwing up dust as he went.

     “Even WITH ‘elp she’s probably way past saving…”

The look Mako gave him caused the engineer to stumble and he swallowed his argument whole avoiding her eyes. She continued speaking faster and Raleigh leaned on the wall behind her, rubbing tiredly at his temples.

      “Hermann. If we…take her to the hospital. They will most likely recognize her and report her appearance. The military will know we are in the area. There is only one hospital for many miles around…we do not have time to drive to a distant place…we could attempt to take her in the Rapture…but hiding the Jaeger when we land would be impossible without careful scouting. We do not have time for that. Even if we take her…she may not live as Dr. Flood has so _crudely_ stated…”

    She opened her mouth but choked on her next words and Becket put a hand on her shoulder, picking up where she left off.

     “What do we do? Just drop her off like trash? Leave her brother all alone? They’re Rangers….they deserve better than that.”

Balor kicked a small decorative planter and it crashed to the ground.

      “An wha about the Shrike?  An you? An …an all tha work tae geh Inkstain back! An…wha bout THEM…?”

He gestured wildly at the wall again and Hermann realized he was referring to the Hive.

Gottlieb raised his eyes to the ceiling and closed them. To not get Sonia the help she needed was unthinkable…but then where would they run? Taking her to a hospital was risking the Hive…Newton…everyone. What if they took her and she died on an operating table alone? How would they help Howard if she died…wait with him? Leave him stranded? He felt hot tears burn in his throat and stood straight as he possibly could.

    “Before I make a decision I want to see her. Is she in there? “

Hermann nodded to the door. It was Sonia’s room…or at least it was close to it. All the doors on this floor looked so similar. Mako glanced at Raleigh and he nodded, taking a step back. Leaning his weight on the crutch Hermann reached out for the handle. Unsupported he pushed in…closing the door behind him.

 

The room was almost a carbon copy of the one he occupied down the hall. Windowless. He could see very little in the light of the bedside lamp. He could smell more then he could see. The room was filled with the stench of a wounded body. Viscera and blood hung heavy on the air. The only thing breaking the silence was the humming of the baseboard heating and Howard Whateley’s ragged sobs.

Sonia Whateley was breathing in winded, pained gasps. Her eyes shut tight, nose scrunched, the edges of mouth and eyes lined in pain. Freckles showed sharp on paper pale skin and beads of sweat dripped down her forehead from exertion. Howard murmured to her, holding her hand in his, stroking her hair. Tear strains trailed down both their faces in identical worn lines. Hermann struggled to the side of the bed and tried to take it all in, laying a hand on Howards’s quaking shoulder.

     “Howard?...”

The Whateley twin gazed up at Hermann with unfocused eyes and his mouth moved a few times wordlessly before he actually spoke.

     “They shot her…”

Hermann sank down to sit on the edge of the bed and nodded, putting a firm hand on the side of Howard’s neck to ground him, bringing him back to earth. The Whateley twin drew in a sharp breath and shook his head.

     “I can feel…they shot her…”

He looked back at his sister and muttered the same words under his breath again and again. He was in shock or something close to it. Hermann reached over, scared to see how badly the girl had been hurt. When he attempted to raise the comforter Howard grabbed him and pulled his hand back.

     “D..Don’t!..they…they...”

Hermann nodded and tried to look into Howard’s eyes…bring back his far-off gaze from where it was hovering.

     “I know, Howard…I know.”

Sonia stirred and took a stuttering breath. She opened one bleary eye and cast about until she found Gottleib’s face. Her labored breathing quickened but her pale blue lips flickered up into a smile.

     “Doc….s’ok?…Newt s’ok?”

Hermann lowered his head and fumbled for her hand. She struggled to keep talking but soon gave in, those few words had cost her and she gasped recovering. Hermann scanned her face, watching her. He knew instantly that no matter how slim the chances of survival...she would get to a hospital. Mako, Becket, and Balor could leave if they wished. He would stay with the twins.  He would walk into the hospital himself if he had to. Give himself up to the police and go happily to die by lethal injection for treason with a smile on his face.

Newt would understand…the Hive…well. It was time to make a final stand.

     “We are doing fine, Miss Whateley…we’re going to take you to the hospital now. Do you understand?”

She looked over his shoulder and smiled at her brother before staring at something just past him. A distant object that only she could see. 

     “Dreamed….Mudpuppy.”

      “I’ll tell him so when I see him Miss Whateley….”

Hermann squeezed her hand and Howard whispered something he couldn’t make out.

     “Go back to that dream…You can see Mudpuppy as soon as you wake up.”

She closed her eyes still smiling deliriously.

      “We’re going…swim…mmm..”

Sonia let out a long slow exhale and for a painful second Hermann was sure she wouldn’t take another breath. She did after a pause and he turned to look at her brother. Howard gazed at Hermann with that same far look. The look he had seen in Neta Melero’s eyes when her mother lay dying behind an overturned table in a Helsinki hotel. Half of him was fading away and he could do nothing to stop it. Howard threw his arms around Hermann and clung to him terrified. He whispered in Gottlieb’s ear in a bemused voice.

       “They shot her….and I couldn’t stop it.”

Hermann hugged him fiercely back, trying to keep control of his thoughts.

       “I know Howard we’ll figure this out….Now I…I need your phone.”

 

Even Balor had no argument when Hermann told them what he had decided. She was going to the hospital…and he wasn’t going to run. Flood just shrugged and Hermann was almost sure he saw relief in the craggy lines of his face.

     “Then I’ll be staying too.”

Raleigh nodded and actually smiled, seemingly pleased by Hermann’s choice.

     “We’re not going anywhere either…”

The engineer turned to Raleigh and Mako rubbing almost unconsciously at his arm. The bullet wound there was still a source of pain to him that he tried to hide, manageable but sore, another wound that would probably never heal completely. Sometimes Hermann idly wondered if Balor’s collarbone still bothered him.

      “Yeh an Miss Mori gaht to stay here. If something appens yeh gah ta geh tha Rapture away…yeh don ave to geh caught with the rest of us.

Mako was clearly ready to argue. She bit her bottom lip and shook her head but stopped looking to Raleigh, who only gave a silent unreadable smile. They had a brief wordless conversation and she ran a hand through her hair leaving behind a streak of Sonia’s blood on her cheek.

     “I do not like staying behind…but I see the wisdom in it…We will see you off..and stay in case there is trouble.”

Balor turned, gazing up into Hermann’s face eyebrow raised questioningly.

     “Sonia and Howard might not be recognized as quickly as Newton or I. His breathing is improving and …As much as I do not wish to it would be better if we stay here as well. Will you be able to get the twins there safely?”

Hermann regretted saying this. He trusted Balor…and no matter what anyone said about him, his unpleasant manner or his smoking…he was a true friend.

      “Yeh sure Inkstain will be alright?...”

 Hermann could feel Newton getting stronger, buzzing in the back of his skull, taking up his familiar place in their connection like he had never left.  Gottlieb didn’t have to guess on this, he knew his partner was getting better. True, Newt wouldn’t be running wind sprints down the beach in the near future. But the fog was gone. The nightmares in it banished and the drugs were wearing off on their own. He looked to Mako.

    “We have enough oxygen to get him through it…I saw the canisters you left in my room…this isn’t about us. It’s about Sonia.”

     “Ah suppose ah can geh Red an Freckles over alright…I jus gah tah…”

Hermann sank down and threw his arms around Balor gingerly hugging the man tight. Flood sighed resignedly and slapped his back with a hand, giving him a quick squeeze before pulling away to wipe at his snotty nose.

      “Away ya great poof. Might as well jus leh a stiff breeze blow ye away.”

 

Raleigh lifted Sonia up gently. Her limp unconscious body was wrapped in a stained comforter that had started cream-beige and was rapidly turning red-pink. The Ranger held her close to his chest, carrying her reverently towards the main church exit, to the parking lot where the RV waited. Sometime between Hermann's conversation with Sonia on the beach after the tense brunch and his waking up in the bed next to a still comatose Newt the rain over the coast had condensed into a thick silent snow. Mako walked side by side with Raleigh, her hand on Sonia’s knees trying to keep her feet covered. Balor was helping guide Howard who seemed to know very little outside his stupor. He was aware his sister was going somewhere to get help and that seemed to be enough to get him in the camper. They filed towards the RV in a long even row. Like a band of mourners, like a funeral procession.

There was a low groan that shook the ground underneath them. A plaintive keening wail and the massive pines parted to reveal Mudpuppy. Obscured in part by the falling flakes, his eyes glowed in the white curtain and he made his slow wary way towards the RV. Mako froze against Hermann as the Kaiju pulled his lower body over the cliff face. He looked at the RV and leaned his head forward, snow building on his muzzle and already forming mounds on his back.

Hermann limped away from the little group. Mako lifted a hand after him in protest but followed, trailing slightly in his wake. He had never seen the Shrike Rangers and the Kaiju interact before this point. He knew Raleigh was doing his best to tolerate them but he didn’t feel like pushing the tentative peace. He waved an arm to get Mudpuppy’s attention and pointed back the way he had come.

     “ _Mudpuppy go. You don’t leave the beach. You stay down by the water, not up the cliff…”_

Mudpuppy made a low gravelly noise, a growl that vibrated in Hermann’s chest and did not seem the least bit cooperative. Digging in all six of his limbs into the parking lot, the kaiju held his ground, asphalt shattering under his claws. Mudpuppy opened his mouth, tongue and lips struggling before he made a sticky sound that slowly transformed into a word.

     “SOooo…NNNEeee…RAAAaaa..”

Raleigh was placing his foot on the first of the RV steps the Whateley twin still in his arms but he froze, staring at the Kaiju in astonishment. Hermann shook his head and took another bold step forward.

     “ _Sonia is sick. She needs to go …you will go back down the cliff to the ocean_.”

     “ _Saw in small-voice head! SAW Sonia sick. Twins leave? GO WITH. PROTECT.”_

With a boom that nearly knocked everyone to the ground and rocked the trailer dangerously on its wheels, Mudpuppy stamped his back legs in a fit of temper, snorting a great steaming cloud of ammonia scented breath around Hermann. His crutch groaned in protest as Gottleib pushed himself forward almost nose to nose with the belligerent giant.

     “ _You are being disrespectful. Sonia must go to hospital. Fast-thinker and I have told you and Hive about hospitals and doctors yes. Do you remember?”_

_“Mudpuppy GO. Go with Twins!.”_

Hermann felt something burning in the back of his skull. His chest constricted painfully and his face felt hot. He had never had a real fight with one of the Hive before. He had never experienced disobedience like this. Vesuvius had just ignored him and Kotick was still too feral to understand half of what he said…but neither of them had outright fought like this. Mudpuppy’s fear was inside his chest, the Kaiju soaked up all he was feeling about Sonia and he _knew_. He knew that Sonia might not come back. The rest of the Hive was split. It seemed like half of them were with Mudpuppy and his sudden rebellion while the other half trusted Hermann to know what was best. When had the Hive become a damn democracy? He gestured to Raleigh to take Sonia into the trailer, snapping the group back into motion. None of them could hear what was going on between the Kaiju and him. Sonia did not have the time to spare for this. Mako kept beside him and Balor went around to the driver’s side, revving up the old RV which took several tries in the cold.

Mudpuppy made a snarling noise, his lip curling up to reveal a long line of softly glowing blue teeth.  It would have been so easy for him to crush Gottlieb, but he felt no fear whatsoever. No matter how much independence they seemed to display he could still feel the Kaiju’s emotions, his intentions as plain as written words. Mudpuppy would never dream of actually hurting anyone.

    “ _Mudpuppy. Go back to the BEACH_. ”

The flapping feather tendrils of skin on either side of the Kaiju’s head lifted at the tone of Hermann’s internal voice.

     “ _I GO! You SMALL you no stop!!_ ”

     “ _You go you end up like dead brothers! You get everyone hurt!_ ”

 In a fit of frustration Mudpuppy leaned forward, opened his mouth wide and roared with enough force to shake the snow off nearby trees. The strength of it would have driven Hermann right off his feet if Mako had not grabbed him and held on. They both blinked against the foul wind until all the stress and anger in the Hive and in himself bubbled upward and Hermann found himself roaring right back. His voice rose in a loud and toneless scream, desperate and primal. There were no words in it, just a single jagged, knife-edged sound. It couldn’t compete with Mudpuppy’s roar for volume but the emotions inside Hermann’s screeching were enough to surprise the Kaiju into silence. They both stood in the sudden quiet panting for breath, the snow falling around them in with a static hiss.    

Hermann looked back towards the trailer to see Raleigh at the bottom of the stairs looking up at Mudpuppy with something that was close to fear. Mako was trembling, staring at Hermann in open mouthed surprise as she supported his weight. The crutch had fallen from his grip and he made no effort to pick it up.

     “ _Look what you did Mudpuppy. You scared everyone._ ”

Mudpuppy took a frightened step back, his frills lowered tail curled around his back legs.

      “ _Sorry…Sorry sorry sorry ….be good be SO good…want to go…PLEASE_...”

Hermann frowned, the voice inside his head firm despite the shaking in his legs.

     “ _No. I need you here. If you go everybody in danger…_ ”

Raleigh slapped the side of the trailer and took a step back. The ancient thing rumbled then sped off towards Aberdeen. The three of them watched its bumpy progress as it disappeared through the hidden gate. Gottlieb didn’t see Howard anywhere. He was probably up front with Balor. Mudpuppy lowered his great head. He did not watch the Motorhome…and Sonia…vanish into the dark tunnel of branches.

Hermann waved a hand to get the Kaiju’s attention and pushed at him with a gentle wave of questioning, trying his best not to feel guilty.

     _“You’ll see them soon. I promise but now you help me. Can you help me with a video? Like before? Very important to Sonia and everyone that you help.”_

Hermann didn’t know if Kaiju possessed the ability to cry. He knew they understood sadness and mourning but tears seemed to be a physical impossibility. If Mudpuppy could cry he certainly would have been doing it right now. The Kaiju was making guttural noises that were oddly like sobs. He hiccupped and huffed deep in the back of his throat, sounding disturbingly human.

Raleigh put a hand on Hermann’s shoulder and looked up at the Kaiju inquisitively.

     “Did you…just have a fight?”

     “He wanted to go with the twins…With Sonia…”

Hermann stopped, surprised, as Mako picked up his crutch and handed it to him, making sure he was supported before she gave Raleigh a meaningful glance and stepped forward, laying a hand on Mudpuppy’s leg. To his credit Becket said nothing, his face taut but Hermann was sure he must have been thinking a few choice things. He made no move to stop Mako. She wouldn’t have welcomed that anyway, her decisions were always her own. Her hands stroked the iridescent skin slowly as she spoke in a low, soothing voice.

      “Now now….shhh…It’s alright.”

The Kaiju opened his eyes one at a time and looked at her. The noises eased but didn’t stop completely.

       “It is alright. We have to keep going and keep one another company…yes?”

Her voice was tremulous when she spoke. Hermann wondered if Mako had been this close to a Kaiju since Onibaba. It was small wonder she was afraid, but she did not let the fear control her. The Ranger turned towards him, eyes wide, looking for approval. He nodded to her.

      “You’re doing great. Tell him to go back to the beach. He knows that word.”

Mako jumped and gave a tiny startled shriek when Mudpuppy leaned down and placed the very end of his mammoth snout on her shoulder, his neon blue nostrils flaring as he took a good breath of her smell. She patted him and began to walk back towards the cliff.

       “Come now. Back to the beach.”

Mudpuppy’s eyes flicked towards Hermann and he gave an encouraging smile.

     “ _Go to beach…later you help me and Miss Mori make a video. You help the twins…everyone. Because you are a good Kaiju.”_

Mudpuppy made a choking noise but stood. He turned, tail wavering above Gottlieb and Raleigh’s heads, swinging back forth in the snow like a dark wave reflecting blue stars.

He sent one last weary thought through the Hive before Mako guided him over the side of the cliff, down towards the ocean and the dusk-lit beach.

     “ _I am a good Kaiju_.”

 

The snow fell in thick clusters of individual flakes. They stuck together and flittered to earth with the consistency of goose down, remnants from some sort of massive pillow fight. The first bit of snow struck Hermann’s face nearly blinding him as it stuck in his thick, dark eyelashes. The landscape around him was old and familiar. If Newton’s childhood memories were full of reflected light rippling on a summer lake, Gottleib’s held the cold winters of the German valley where he had been born. Hermann stood in the drifting snow, in a stark world of black trees on white powder. Bare branches shook and clattered against each other in a bitter wind, the world bathed in that strange weak light of a winter afternoon. Hermann looked down between his feet, currently the feet of a nine-year-old boy and spotted the first drop of ruby on the unbroken expanse of snow.

Hermann moved forward through the fairytale woods expecting at any moment to be accosted by a talking wolf or a witch bearing gingerbread, something out of his mother’s cautionary fairytales. The blood trail was easy to follow and it was not long before he had reached the end of it.

A dove lay dying under the skeleton of a thorn bush, its wings splayed out helplessly to either side, the indentations of its struggles ghosted on the snow around it. Hermann thought for just a moment that the bird was a tiny angel that had fallen just inches from the woodshed in his back yard. He hunkered down, removing his thick woolly mittens and sliding small bare hand under the birds back. It raised its head tiredly and examined him with languid eyes. Black and bead-like.

Its left wing had been broken, shredded, possibly by a cat or some other animal. Hermann could see bone jutting from the wound and wondered how the bird could be so patient when it was so badly hurt. Holding the dove to his chest Hermann stroked the soft unruffled feathers of its neck and turned towards the golden lights of his house. He would fix the bird.

 He was about to take a step and then…hesitated.

This was a dream.

 He knew this memory _very_ well. It was an ancient intimate thing that had haunted him for years. He knew how it was going to end. No matter how many times he dreamed of the bird and the winter woods it always ended the same way. Hermann would take the bird home and hide it in his closet. Do his best to save it. He would read a book about birds and feed it everything he was supposed to…keep it warm. Then Dietrich would find it and Dietrich would tell his father.

 His father had tried to tell him about survival of the fittest. Hermann remembered sitting in that horrible stiff-backed black wood chair in his study, holding his bird gently in his hands. He was saving something not meant to be saved. He was interrupting the natural order. He was doing the bird a disservice. His father had stood and explained all this to him in the same calm cool voice he would later use to explain why the Wall would be worth the sacrifice of so many lives. For the good of many go some. Hermann had taken all this to heart and had tried to use the same argument himself…some years later. After the lecture his father had left the bird under the same thorn bush Hermann had found it. The next morning there had been nothing of his dove but a couple drops of blood, a few feathers…and fox prints in the snow.  
Hermann shivered and opened his coat pulling the bird inside it, hoping what little heat he could offer was enough to thaw the dove. He twisted away from his house, turning his back on the golden light from the familiar windows and took a step into the woods instead. He couldn’t think of a time he had attempted that in this dream. Maybe this time the end would be different…maybe this time he would save the bird. The woods were silent and in his coat the bird was still. Hermann knew he was at the edge of his family’s land but he kept going.

Slowly the trees turned to scraggly husks then disappeared altogether. The snow never stopped. It only grew thicker as it fell. The bird in his coat didn’t stir but as he walked Hermann realized he was growing older…or growing up. He looked down at his hands and saw they were no longer the hands of a little boy. His fingers were long and pale and knobby at the knuckles. His own familiar joints and tendons, the edges callused from years of putting chalk to blackboard.

Around him a new forest started to grow. This one was not one of trees but of …legs. In the snowy expanse they walked in slow meandering steps. All of them….every Kaiju that had ever come into the world…and a few he didn’t recognize, prototypes that hadn’t even made it out of the Breach. The megaliths walked on four legs, two, six, one thing that looked a bit like a shrimp walked on twelve. In the Drift with Otachi’s baby he had seen brief snatches of the pits where the Kaiju fought each other to earn the privilege of rending Earth in half. He stopped and watched, still ankle deep in the snow, as the ghosts of them wandered, the ones who had died before they were even born, pieces of them going to create the ones he did recognize.

Some of them appeared ghostlike and insubstantial, like viewing a mountain from great distance. Some were so close above him he could only see feet and the undersides of great bellies. Vesuvius took a great booming step through the snow, the plates on his back rattling as he came close to where Gottlieb was standing. Hermann wasn’t afraid. He was one of them. They would never hurt a Hive brother.

Hermann had always assumed that Mother’s Hivemind was completely separate from the original. They had no memories of the Breach or of the destroyers. They didn’t remember the carnage their ancestors had brought to San Francisco or Seoul, but now he wondered if maybe slivers of the old Hive weren’t still alive. Vesuvius turned his head and looked down as he passed, giving a warm warbling chirp of acknowledgement before moving on, walking purposefully out into the storm.

     “Wait!…brother come back…”

Hermann felt a stab of sadness but already the Kaiju’s giant steps had taken him so deep into the snow his outlines were blurring at the edges. Hermann followed at a much slower pace. His hip throbbed painfully but it wasn’t intense enough to make him wish for his crutch or slow his progress. He hesitated. Slattern was walking slowly towards him head down, eyes half-closed. For the first time he felt a touch of dread. But the leviathan just drifted past, his feet leaving trench-sized footprints in the powdery snow. He didn’t spare Hermann a second glance. The peace in the air was not tinged with any malice whatsoever.

A voice echoed in the distance and Hermann turned squinting. There was one Hive brother he was looking for without even realizing it. He had really been seeking him out the whole time.

    “NEWTON!!”

Arms still wrapped around the lump of dove he could feel in his coat, Hermann started to run. Newt pitched, almost falling flat on his face in the snow. He found his feet and dashed forward weaving in and out of Bonesquids’s legs and under the tail of some unfamiliar Kaiju with a build somewhat similar to a cheetah’s. It seemed like their lips met before the rest of them even touched. The kiss was so sweet and easy. The fog was out of Newt completely. His hands found Hermann’s hair and ran over his face, his cheekbones, seeking out the familiar contours. The air of the Hivemind tinted from a grey to a soft rose. Hermann pushed him back slightly afraid that if they embraced and he hugged the man half as hard as he wanted to they would crush the bird still curled against his breastbone. He looked down into Newton’s beaming face and just shook his head.

     “I found you… _again_. How many times do I have to come looking for you before you learn to stay put?”

Newt couldn’t stop touching him his hand squeezed at his shoulder through the jacket and traveling up to caress his face and hair.

      “I’m...so...I don’t even know where to start with all the questions. Can we kiss again first? We’ve gotten so good at kissing I think we need to reward ourselves with another kiss.”

Hermann leaned down slightly and this kiss was somehow even better then the first. Everything about Newt was warm again. Just like it was supposed to be. Whatever evil thing Barlowe had done was out of his system. His lips parted and he felt Newt’s tongue. It tasted like peppermint. In dreams Newton always tasted like peppermint. They stood a moment catching their breath, foreheads pressed together. Hermann chanced to look up. He couldn’t help the laughter bubbling up from his chest. When he was this happy everything just seemed hilarious.

    “We have an audience.”

Two Kaiju neither of which Hermann recognized were staring down at them heads twisted curiously to the side. One of them had a frill around its neck and it was extended out, patterns of blue illuminating up and down the skin, bright as a Las Vegas casino sign. In his brain he could almost hear them asking questions. Were they part of his Hive, the older Hive…or one of the Kaiju that never even made it through the Breach? Hermann was beginning to wonder if it really mattered. The Hive was just one continuous line of minds and lives. All connected. Newt made a shooing gesture with his hands.

    “Go on peeping Tom…you too looky Lou. We aren’t giving a floorshow here. If you wanted to watch us lock lips you should have bought a ticket.”

He grabbed Hermann around the shoulders and they started walking in a random direction. It didn’t seem to matter which way they went. The Kaiju just wandered aimlessly and the landscape never seemed to change. The two nosy Kaiju took the hint and making soft thrumming noises went together in the opposite way. Newt grinned at Hermann and pressed against him. He was dressed in nothing but an old t-shirt, jeans, and his tattered Converse sneakers but cold didn’t seem to faze him. Ironic considering the near catastrophic walk Hermann had taken in his body.

    “How long have you been here, Newton?”

    “Week? Days? Hours? I have no clue...I wandered out of the fog and it just kinda dumped me here.”

    “I wonder where “here” is exactly.”

Newt considered staring into the edgeless, distance. A kind of void softened by falling snow.

    “The Hivemind? Maybe? Something close to it…It would explain why all these dead Kaiju are just wandering around...Why are you holding your jacket like that? Something in there…or are you just happy to see me?”

Newton wiggled his eyebrows, all bright teeth and unbroken grins. Like the pain in Hermann’s leg, Newton’s face was better here, the muscles behaving the way they did before his accident. That was the trend in most of their shared dreams...but there were always exceptions.

Hermann looked down and slowly reached into his Ranger’s jacket, expecting to draw out a bird and finding instead that his coat was empty. He pulled his hands back and opened it, confused, looking at Newt meekly.

     “There _was_ a dove in there…I felt it just a minute ago…”

Newt started to laugh and threw up his hands with a magician’s flourish.

     “Tadaaaaa!”

 Hermann turned his gaze to the ground, upset. Newt frowned, putting his hands down, showing definite regret for the joke. He hugged Hermann tight and buried his face in his chest.

The hug didn’t even feel like enough. No amount of touch felt like enough to make up for the separation they had endured. Newton slipped his hands up the back of Hermann’s shirt and lay palms on his bare shoulder blades. His fingers were warm. The feeling of Geiszler in the back of his skull shivered and pulsed. The feelings of love, desire, and trust just as vibrant and overwhelming as they were in the clear water of the spent fuel pool ages ago.

     “I’m sorry you lost your bird, dude…”

Hermann looked around and shrugged, saddened to think the dove was back under the thorn bush waiting for the fox that would always come. Newt took a step forward pulling his hands back out of Gottlieb’s jacket. He grabbed his hand hand hauling him ahead. Hermann followed distractedly, scanning the ground for any traces of a stray feathers.

       “So…I hate to be the guy who’s spent the last …I don’t even know how long in the fog, but what’s been going on outside?”

Newt fairly vibrated, his tattoos glowing faintly blue against his skin. Hermann wondered where to start…Newt probably barely recalled what he had told him when they had fleeting moments together in the mind-numbing fog. When he had tried to lift him or beg him to keep moving.

      “I’ll…start right after the fight…”

They passed Kaiju in the snow as Hermann talked. Telling Newt about the escape from Fort Tempest in the clunky camper, his father declaring them dead in the dingy movie theater in Salt Lake City…Finding the old Kaiju Cult Church. They spotted Meathead rolling on the ground to scratch an itch on his back and stopped to watch a flying Kaiju easily twice Otachi’s size gliding overhead, temporarily blocking the snowfall with its enormous leather wings.  Hermann talked as they saw these marvels. He described the videos, the Hive’s progress, the loss of his leg and the rescue. He only stopped long enough to answer Newton’s questions. His partner was surprisingly quiet as he listened and astoundingly focused despite the Kaiju distractions surrounding them on all sides. Finally, Hermann told him about Sonia.

     “I do not know if she’ll make it, Newton, but I had to do what I did. I couldn’t let her die there. She would never have let that happen to me…I could not watch what happened to Neta happen to Howard if I could possibly help it…”

He had to stop. Talking about Sonia was too raw and painful. He could feel tears building and swallowed painfully. He could have said a bit more…told Newt about video he was going to make. They most important one he would probably ever make…It could wait. He just needed a moment where he didn’t have to think about the future, a brief pause before continuing. They started to climb upwards and the snow gradually stopped. The sky itself began to dance and Hermann paused, watching the ribbons of light caper and undulate through the pitch black sky. There were no stars, only the odd illumination of an unfamiliar aurora borealis, one bigger and more solid than any Gottlieb had ever seen.

Newton stared up at it thoughtfully, squeezing Herman's hand and pulling him close.

     “You did the right thing…like…multiple times…more than multiple times…like the whole time.”

He looked back up and they stood side by side in that strange place, admiring the twisting, floating colors. Hermann wished he had seen Kotick here. Of all the Kaiju, that was the one he truly wanted to see.

     “I’m not sure I did…I.”

     “No!”

Newt looked at him and he was trying his best to look serious. He shook his head and ran his free hand through his hair.

      “You did…so much shit and I’m sorry I wasn’t there for it. I’m sorry about your leg and I’m sorry about…”

Hermann leaned over and kissed him softly on the corner of the mouth.

      “No, dude, I’m trying to be serious here!...You kept your shit together and that’s just…I mean”

The man waved his hand around, opened and closed his mouth a few times exasperated and gave a frustrated snort.

     “I wish there was a Hallmark card you can buy that says “Sorry I was in a coma while you went through some serious shit." It’s kind of a hard thing to talk about.”

     “Newton…I hardly think it’s your fault you were in a coma…”

Geiszler hugged him again, firmly, determined to keep him close.

     “The dove…The bird in your coat? You were trying to rescue it, right? I’ve seen that memory a couple times during our Occam Drifts. You were like..eight or nine and you found it under a bush. Am I right? That’s the one?”

Hermann nodded. He wasn’t really _surprised_ that Newton knew but a bit touched he remembered. Newt pushed his face into his partner's neck and lowered his voice to a gruff whisper.

     “Man. Don’t you get it? You’ve already rescued the shit out of that dove.”

Hermann closed his eyes and took in a sobbing breath. Somewhere far off a Kaiju roared and was answered. He clasped Newton tight and felt a beautiful satisfaction in knowing he would be next to him when he woke up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Pickle-Plum for being a great proofreader this chapter!


	24. At Last

      “How close are we to nuclear war, Madam President?”

The president of the United States of America turned her head tiredly towards the camera as she mulled over the interviewer’s question. There was a flicker of fear in her eyes. Or maybe Hermann imagined it. Whatever it was had been there for a fraction of a second before it was extinguished and the president spoke in a smooth, wooden tone of voice that revealed little.

     “The UIS administration and its allies have assured me that as long as we do not interfere with trade or Jaeger production and keep to our side of the border…. .”

      “But the border skirmishes are only becoming more frequent. There have been rumors that China has sent a Jaeger of its own to the UIS…does that mean that the country is making Jaegers outside the jurisdiction of the PPDC and the UN despite claims to the contrary?”

Hermann was sure the president looked older than the last time he had seen footage of her. There were noticeable streaks of silver in her dark brown hair and harsh wrinkles around her eyes. He understood: he felt like he had aged a few hard years himself.

        “I don’t care to speak about rumors, Mr. Rhoades. I’m here to give the American people hard facts. Since the border was established there have been many small clashes…that is to be expected. But there is no record of Northern China sending aid of any kind… .”

The interviewer interrupted yet again and Hermann glared at his laptop screen, irritated. The man seemed _very_ familiar. Something about his cocky manner and plastic smile put Hermann ill at ease. Why did he know that face?

     “And what about the Kaiju? The Gottlieb videos? Do you have a response to those?”

Hermann felt his heart leap and turned up the volume on his computer. This was the reason Koosha had sent him the link. It had come in their usual e-mail system, deeply encoded in a spam message sent through the murkiest parts the internet. The interview had played the evening before and it was no surprise Gottlieb had missed it. He had not watched a newsfeed or read anything online since Fort Tempest.  From what he could tell, things were escalating faster than ever. Even faster than they had when the PPDC’s new Jaeger program had been uncovered. Ever since the USA had split, amoeba-like, into two countries it seemed the world had become a more divided violent place.

     “I have no comment on the Gottlieb videos. Dr. Hermann Gottlieb and his partner were declared dead in a border skirmish on neutral soil. This is all I know for certain.”

Hermann felt his attention drift to the cell phone near his arm and had to make a real effort to pull his eyes back. It wasn’t going to ring. He focused back on the computer screen and bit his lower lip.

     “The man claiming to be Gottlieb in the videos told us the Kaiju wouldn’t attack and so far there has not been a single attack. He even explained why the Kaiju the Shrike killed in California didn’t attack civilians. Has the FBI, CIA or NSA even attempted to authenticate his claims? What if the recordings are genuine? Why isn’t the UN speaking with him and the Kaiju? He has even condemned the PPDC for taking part in some kind of smuggling operation and he is rapidly gaining worldwide support.”  
This time it was the president’s turn to interrupt. Her face creased into a dark scowl and it was clear this was an uncomfortable subject. She _knew_ the videos were real. The PPDC had probably told her administration everything.

     “By acknowledging these videos we are giving credence to a fraud; someone…with as much desire to scare people as the terrorists in Helsinki or the so-called PPDC resistance fighters in California. He is best ignored and his videos, while remarkably well made, are nothing more than a desperate cry for attention.”

Hermann hit pause and put his face in his hands, his attention drawn again to the cell phone resting on the smooth tabletop at his elbow. He must have been staring at it a good five minutes before Newton’s voice drifted towards him. 

     “Staring at it isn’t gonna make it ring, Herm.”

Hermann didn’t look away from the cell phone. He sighed heavily and ran his hands through his hair which was becoming intolerably long. Newton was staggering slowly around the church kitchen where Mako and Howard had cheerfully made omelets only three days before. It was getting late and Sonia had been in surgery for hours. The information Gottlieb had gotten was sketchy at best. Balor had called the first time to tell them Sonia was still alive and had been rushed away by shouting nurses into surgery to stem the bleeding. Balor had sounded shaken and out of breath. There was a pale quality to his voice that was worrisome. Hermann had slept fitfully after the first phone call. Curled tight around Newt he would slip in an out of consciousness, his dreams confusing and dark. The second call had not been from Balor; it had been from Howard. The Whateley twin’s voice sounded bemused over the phone but slightly more coherent than he had before. Sonia was stable for the moment, he told Hermann, surprised by the words even as he said them. She was going to need more surgeries. They were going to have to remove part of her small intestine and there were signs of infection from a perforated bowel.

 At some point in all this, Balor had fainted. He was a man in his late sixties who’s smoking and drinking habits probably gave him the body of a man in his eighties.  He’d been sitting in the waiting room talking to Howard one moment; then the next he was on the floor looking pale and sweating like a stuck pig.

Balor had told the hospital the twins were his niece and nephew and they were passing through looking for work. Blaming Sonia’s gunshot wound on a hunting accident, he’d given them a false name but had no ID to back it up. They probably did not have enough money to pay for the care Sonia was receiving but that wasn’t unusual. Most of the United States citizens had lacked insurance pre-war; it had only worsened post.

Hermann was waiting for the call. The call that Sonia had not made it through the surgery, that Howard had been arrested by local law enforcement…that Balor had suffered a massive heart attack and finally paid for years of mistreating his body. Hermann’s stomach burned and the pounding headache behind his eyes intensified. The Hive, which had been subdued since Newt had come back to the fold, stirred a little and he felt the immense brush of Mother against his temples. She had been strangely absent and Hermann tried to cling to her…but she had already slipped away.

     “I’m aware that looking at the phone will not help, Newton, but at this point it’s really all I can do.”

He said this with a hint of bitter helplessness. It really was all he could do. Newt tottered from the kitchen with a plate in hand. Earlier in the day he had opened his eyes, reached up, and pulled off the relay helmet. He blinked around their room confused then loudly declared that he was going to make Hermann dinner.

     “You’ve done all you can man. Just here…”

Hermann examined the proffered cheese sandwich critically, eyebrow raised. He pushed the plate away with one finger. He had no appetite at all despite the fact he was starving. It wasn’t all his hunger anyway. It was an echo from the Hive. Mudpuppy had not moved since Sonia had been taken away. He had not made any effort to go out and hunt, starving himself in protest like an obstinate child. Hermann could feel the raging hunger gnawing at his insides but Newton’s sloppy meal, which could barely qualify as a grilled cheese sandwich, did not look the least bit appetizing. His stomach was too full of nerves to have any room left for food. He glanced up at Newton and managed a tight smile.

     “Yum yum…”

Newt was leaning on Gottliebs’s cane and it was disconcerting to say the least. During the coma Geiszler’s muscles hadn’t atrophied exactly, but there was a strange disconnect between his body and his brain. The man’s balance was shot. His central nervous system had taken such a long vacation it was little wonder the reunion was rocky. Hermann watched his partner nervously. He was shaky on his legs but he was standing at least and his breathing was much improved despite the rasp in it. The only bad residual effect of the coma seemed to be the lapses. Hermann was unsure what else to call them. At times Newton would just start staring blankly ahead, as if his brain was temporarily offline. He would do so in the middle of a conversation and then be fine seconds later, speaking as if nothing had happened.

 Newt’s voice was coarse from disuse and his ribs were still painful but healing to the point he could move about and breathe without exorbitant amounts of pain. He had insisted on making the dinner -well, considering it was still morning the sandwich was more of a very early lunch. If the greasy bits of cheese by-product and moldy bread could be classified as food….

They had helped each other shakily down the hallway of the church to the kitchen. Newt would pause every few steps taking it all in with wide eyes, his glasses slipping down his nose and mouth hanging open. Hermann had to keep reminding himself that the man had never actually seen the inside of the church.

Hermann pushed the plate to the side and scrubbed the time-bar on the video back a few seconds. He hit the play button and the laptop blared to life.  Newt looked unsteadily over his shoulder watching the president fight through the interview.

     “…while remarkably well made, are nothing more than a desperate cry for attention.”

The news network representative didn’t look pleased with the president’s answer and sat forward in his chair slightly.

     “One of the Kaiju in the videos looks remarkably like the Kaiju in the footage of the cannery raid in Hawaii. Like the others it was displaying behavior drastically different from the first wave. Don’t the UN and the PPDC think it’s worth it to at least bring Gottlieb…excuse me the man pretending to be him… in for questioning?..”

Newton started to laugh, wrapping his arms around Hermann’s neck.

     “Oh shit, Herm! Do you know who that guy is?!”

Hermann examined the man in the video again and shook his head slowly.

     “No…but I must say there is something very familiar about him.”

    “Hahah! That’s the guy you punched! That’s the reporter guy you punched out in Helsinki!”

Hermann leaned back squinting; he hadn’t made the connection but, yes. Newton was correct. That was the same presumptuous ass of a man who had interviewed them in Finland.

     “He’s certainly come a long way.”

     “The dude had balls, I’ll give him that. Sometimes the worst people get rewarded.”

      “It’s a shame I didn’t leave a more permanent mark.”

Newt’s warm laugh tickled his ear and Hermann smiled absently.  He had been so concerned about Sonia and the chance of discovery that he had not really let himself enjoy the fact that Newton was _here_. His best friend never had to be more than an arm’s length away again.

     “The loss of the Squall Damascus …That has to be a huge blow for the US forces correct?”

Hermann tuned back in and was overcome by cold dread. Newt took a strangled breath and their connection buzzed with harsh static.

      “Did he just say they…lost the Damascus?”

Hermann fiddled with the volume again and saw the president’s weary face turn an even flatter shade of grey.

     “It is expected that on both sides people will die. I am very sorry for Micajah Harpe’s loss. I had met the Squall Damascus Rangers at several PPDC functions and Wiley Harpe was a fine pilot. The Damascus was one of our more advanced Jaegers but fortunately it was recovered and the UIS did not get a hold of its technological advancements.”

Hermann swallowed hard and thought of Wiley Harpe’s easy smile and bowlegged walk. He had stuck his neck out for them when he had no need to, been kind when he received nothing in return. His voice had been the last thing he had heard in Occam’s decimated cockpit.

     “Oh God, Newton. Wiley Harpe is dead.”

Newt hugged Hermann’s neck tighter and they sat silently. The interview dragged on, its subjects changing from the division of land in China, to the civil clashes in Russia, to the nuclear filth in the air that was causing winter to last longer than ever before. Hermann half-listened until the screen went dark and the clip ended. The president had only spoken about him for a moment. Wiley, who piloted to help his family. He would probably get a statue, Hermann thought bitterly. A statue and a mention from the president’s lips were a fine enough memorial but it felt very empty. He realized Newt was still grasping him firmly. They were both staring, Newton into the far distance and Hermann at Howard’s silent phone. They stood like statues as the grilled cheese went cold on Gottlieb’s plate. Newt’s focus problems were probably due to the drugs still lingering in his system. At least that’s what Hermann wanted to believe. With an angry chuff of breath Newton spoke, blinking through the spell.

     “Fucking shame it wasn’t Catfish.”

     “Newton that’s not kind.”

     “It’s not kind but it’s true…”

Newt pressed his nose into the side of Hermann’s head and gave a weary sigh, breath stirring Gottlieb’s shaggy hair.

     “Eat your sandwich, dude. I’m warming up some soup.”

Newt leaned heavily on the cane and stumped haphazardly back to the kitchen. Hermann shook his head trying to clear the unwieldy weight of sadness from his thoughts.

     “Where did you learn to use a cane, Newton, you’re absolutely terrible at it.”

Newt’s grim face split into a grin as he struggled with a can opener.

     “From you, OK? I learned it from watching you.”

There was a soft cough as Hermann lifted his voice to start a good, old-fashioned argument and he turned to see Mako standing near his cafeteria table. She looked tired and he wondered if she had slept at all since they had retrieved Newton from the Icebox. It seemed entirely possible she hadn't.

     “Miss Mori! Please. Join us. Newton was just creating a culinary delicacy of bread and cheese lightly grilled and served with what appears to be canned tomato paste.”

Mako slipped into the seat next to him, the grinding of her chair legs on the faux wood floor echoing off the empty tables in the spacious dining room. She examined Newton critically.

      “Newton, I am pleased to see you up and about. Your recovery has been even faster than anticipated.”  
Newt beamed, but to Hermann there were still bits of cloudy unfocus in his usually bright eyes. He was recovering, yes, but…had some room for improvement.

    “You know me Mako. Can’t keep me down for long. I don’t have the attention span for it. You want lots of cheese on your sandwich?

Hermann took a small bite of his own food and gagged a bit at the taste of the margarine. There was no way they could have shelled out the ration points for actual butter but this was just disgusting. He set the triangle of processed white bread down, wiping a hand on his sweater before reaching to shut his laptop screen. He debated telling Mako about Wiley Harpe. He had been stationed at Fortress II. She had probably known him…or at least known of him. She was smiling past the dark smudges under her eyes and he decided against it, turning to look at his phone instead. Willing it to ring with his mind.

     “Where is Mr. Becket, Mako?”

     “Still asleep, I think. He has…not been sleeping well and I decided to let him rest.”

Newt wobbled over with Mako’s soup, nearly spilling as he set it and a greasy sandwich down in front of her.  His face was comically serious and he spoke in a soft voice as he asked Mako a question.

“Mako, I’ve been out and I’m trying to figure out this smuggling shit…the war and all that. Do you think they ever actually built the new Jaegers to fight the Kaiju? Like…I know they thought they might still be around. But they also knew that they weren’t attacking…all that crap with the UIS and the UN. Were they gunning to fight the Kaiju? Or each other or...”

Mako swirled a spoon through her tomato soup thoughtfully. Hermann felt Newt at the back of his skull; the connection was wavery, perplexed. He was trying to figure it all out.      

     “I don’t know if I can answer those questions Newton. After the war the Jaeger program was all I knew and I had to return to it; it was my family. But the new PPDC is governed by fear. Fear of disbandment…of neglect. Fear of the future. The Pan Pacific is just people… and most people just want to do the right thing….or so I would like to believe.

She rested her chin on a hand and looked from Hermann to Newton.

     “There are people who want to do the right thing but go about it incorrectly. Or perhaps they want the right thing but for the wrong reasons. When I returned there was new leadership and we were told that, yes, some Jaegers would be used to help people but we would always need to be ready for the next wave, always vigilant for the Kaiju’s return, the opening of a new Breach.

Hermann ran his fingers over his thigh as he listened, unconsciously rubbing at the tight muscles. The soreness never seemed to get better.

     “So…what about all the sightings? Did they not even tell you there had been reports of Kaiju? Boats missing?”

Mako shook her head and blew daintily at a full spoonful of rich red broth, sipping at it and savoring the flavor. It couldn’t have been that much to savor Hermann thought with a grimace. It was canned and probably lacked any resemblance to actual tomatoes.

     “No. I did not know about the sightings…I did not even know you and Hermann had been made Rangers until shortly before the press conference in Helsinki. Everything was kept so hushed. The world was not supposed to know about us. Not until the right time.”

Hermann frowned at and wished Newt’s hand was within grabbing distance so he could help silence the whirl of doubt and fear in his partner’s mind.

    “Their motives are so confusing. They used Newton and I. They hid us away in a Jaeger in the desert. They supply Jaeger parts to a country that isn’t even part of the PPDC. What happened to neutrality? Impartiality in human wars? Why? Why are they doing this? What do they _want!_ ”

The kitchen went quiet. On the stove the tea kettle Newt had set to boil started to whistle and he groaned attempting to get to his feet. Mako lay a hand on his arm and pushed him back down.

     “I’ll get it, Newton.”

The Ranger made her way over to the screaming kettle in that graceful loping way Hermann was so fond of. There was something to be proud of in Mako Mori. Everything she did was deliberate and swift. She did not hesitate and she willed herself through her fear.

    “I cannot guess all the PPDC’s motives but…If you remember the United States was not always in two pieces and China was once united. This only happened very recently; only last year did this separation even begin. All these divided nations are part of the Pan Pacific Alliance. It is supposed to be impartial in all things…”

She poured three cups of tea and added a small bit of milk to Hermann’s, remembering to give Newton a liberal amount of sugar.

     “They did not tell the people about the signs of Kaiju because they did not want them to be afraid. They knew that eventually that would change but…They were always ready for them to come back.”

Newt shook his head, frustrated, and rubbed at the bridge of his nose under his glasses.

     “The UIS is building Jaegers to fight people…and so is the PPDC, no matter how much you don’t wanna admit it, Mako.”

Her shoulders tightened at this but Mori said nothing, head bowed slightly. Hermann glowered at Newt but he didn’t notice as he rambled on, speaking frantically to get the words out.

“Even if they were all just being good boy scouts and building Jaegers to fight monsters instead of, like, each other. Hermann has shown them the Kaiju aren’t a threat anymore…We’ve tried to prove we aren’t going to use them to, like…destroy humanity or rampage through New York City or anything stupid like that….I mean that’s not gonna stop all the shit going down between people but, I mean, it’s SOMETHING.”

Mako slid a finger around the rim of her teacup and dipped one finger into the amber liquid, using it to drawing a Japanese character absently on the table top.

     “Yes. It means that they will fight you. They do not want to hear what you are telling them. They would use you, but they do not want to listen. This is why I came here. They have a chance for some sort of peace, but chose instead to ignore you, hurt you if they could. Raleigh and I…well. To be a Jaeger pilot meant something once, to be a protector, a hero, an avenger. Now…it it shameful and yet I do not know if we can stop or change who we are. Tendo was the first to know it was time to stop.”

Hermann took a delicate sip of his tea. The fragrant steam rose up and brushed warm against his nose and cheeks. He savored the way it tasted, the warm way it trickled down his throat. The tea sat leaden in his empty stomach and Gottlieb spoke with a long sigh.

    “Did it have something to do with his arm?”

Mako looked up surprised from her own tea and frowned into the cup.

     “Yes, I’m sure that was a part of it…”

Newt leaned forward his good eye wide, the bad one opened as far as it could go.

      “Oh man, do you know how he lost it? Tell me. I’m dying to know!”

      “I…do not like to remember it, but…”

      “You don’t have to tell us if you do not feel comfortable doing so, Mako.”

Hermann reached out and took her hand. The Ranger shuddered, taking in a deep breath. He could see she was still overwhelmed. The Hive, the Kaiju…even the fact she was now an enemy of the PPDC was devastating. Speaking so plainly about it was undoubtedly difficult.

     “I think it is something you should know, even if Tendo disagrees. The PPDC had discussed…well it had always been very interested in idea of pilotless Jaegers…”

Hermann leaned forward to interrupt but stopped himself. Pilotless Jaegers would have been ideal but when he had been part of the early program it had proved impossible. He had written several AI programs to try and compensate for the lack of real human intelligence but none had managed to replicate the instincts of a soldier or create solutions to complex problems quickly enough. The AI’s had continually botched simulator scenarios. They had never been tried in the field. Hermann always felt it was an enormous failure on his part.

     “There was a proposal…that they could be piloted remotely using a special suit. A giant sensory drift suit that would make the pilots feel like they were the Jaeger itself, but at a distance. It would be…as if you were piloting in a sim. Controlling a mech from the safety of a control room like LOCCENT.”

Hermann shook his head and snorted in disgust.

     “It’s preposterous. If we had that option we would have used it from the beginning! Do they think that the original designers wanted to put soldiers in danger? Even if it could be done, taking into account all the …”

Mako smiled and squeezed his fingers, interruping his tirade before he could really continue in earnest.

     “Yes. I know, Hermann…but the program was reopened and the first suits created. They were prototypes and were made for a special Jaeger codenamed Templar Ancestor. She was only half-built for the first test. The pilots were a newly recruited brother-sister team just out of the academy. Petra and Spiro Arkadios. Tendo said they were too inexperienced from the beginning. He was growing continually frustrated with the higher-ups refusal to listen to him or his team.”

She bit her lower lip, eyes squeezed shut. Hermann brushed hair gently from her forehead while Newt pushed closer, half his face pinched with guilt.

     “You know, Maks, I…I don’t need to know that badly. If it bothers you to talk about it…”

Mako shook her head. She squared her shoulders and straightened her back before taking a long sip of her tea to settle her thoughts.

     “The test went terribly. They were able to move the Ancestor for just three minutes before the strain of operating the Jaeger from a distance overwhelmed them. Tendo was the senior tech present for the trial. He rushed out into the testing chamber and Petra reached for him. She was frightened; she told me afterwards it was like her mind was being pulled from her, as if she would never be able to come back from very far away…”

She fidgeted and Hermann was sure wherever Raleigh was he could feel her discomfort. It was amazing he hadn’t come bursting into the kitchen frothing at the mouth yet.

     “The mechanical drift suit was very powerful. While wearing it…It is extremely difficult to measure one’s own strength. Petra reached out to Tendo in fear and grabbed his arm, then…”

She held half of a sandwich in both hands and pulled hard, yanking it in two with a crunching crackle of burnt bread. Hermann stared aghast at the food in her fingers. Melted cheese dribbled to the plate and a wave of nausea pushed viciously up his throat.

     “The pilots survived, Tendo lost his arm, and Ancestor was broken down, her parts used in other Jaegers. The project was abandoned. Tendo grew very contemplative afterwards. Quiet. I do not think he ever entirely recovered from what happened. He had told his superior’s the project was a mistake and I think it planted a seed of rebellion in him that grew over time.”

Mako dipped one of the broken halves of sandwich into the soup and nibbled at it solemnly. Hermann looked back down at the mute phone at his arm and Newt just looked anywhere but Mako biting his lower lip. Hermann broke through the quiet and stood, picking up the phone to put in his pocket.

     “Come on, Newton. Make sure the stove is off and come help me. Miss Mori, will you tell Raleigh to be sure to come to dinner tonight. I want to show the two of you something and discuss it. Something vital to everyone’s future…”

 

Mudpuppy lay in a heap and did not stir when Hermann and Newt approached him from the base of the cliff. They exited out the hidden opening that lead to the church elevator. The air was soggy and damp Gottlieb could feel it in his lungs with each breath. Mist hung thick over the ocean and Newt regarded it unhappily shivering. They pulled and pushed their way towards the Kaiju prone on the beach. Geiszler froze and marveled at Mudpuppy taking him in from tail to snout. It was strange to think they had never actually met. Hermann carried Newton with him so much from place to place that it was often difficult to distinguish if one or both of them had been present to experience something. It was not like Mudpuppy did not know Newt, he was a hive-brother. He was the fast-thinker.

     “God I wish I could touch him…”

     “I don’t recommend it Newton, at least not with bare skin.”  
Newt nodded and pulled his jacket sleeve down over his hand. He stroked Mudpuppy’s smooth malleable skin, watching the dots of bioluminescent spark to life. The Kaiju did not react, did not raise his head or even speak through the Hive. Misery and hunger came off him in waves.

     “ _Mudpuppy…look the fast-thinker has come to see you…good yes_?”

The beach vibrated as Mudpuppy gave a massive low-pitched groan. He made no move to look at them, did not even open his eyes.

     “ _No talk…. Sad_ … _Twins gone…Sonia gone_. _Sad_.”

Newt concentrated, eyes closed and Hermann knew he was speaking to Mudpuppy. He couldn’t hear any words but he could feel them in his stomach and chest. Feel the strange vibrations of Hive speak. There were possibly never any words at all when he spoke with the hive but his brain manufactured them that way. It was all just a translation of impulses and emotional responses. This would explain the headaches when they were overwhelmed. The human brain could only process so much.

Newton was vibrating out of his skin with joy. The fact he had his sleeve pressed against a flesh and blood Kaiju…well. Hermann didn’t need to have drifted with him to know how he was feeling at the moment.

     “ _Fast-thinker…small-voice need Mudpuppy. Can you help? Help us with a video?_ ”

Mudpuppy gave a huge heaving sigh and finally raised his head, adjusting his weight laboriously so he was facing them, heavy lidded eyes focusing on the small figures at his feet.

    “ _Yes_. _I..help_. _I like to help_.”

Hermann was sure that Mudpuppy looked pale. It worried him, but it was something he would have to deal with later. He needed to make his video and it would be better with a Kaiju behind him. The other Kaiju came and went much more frequently. The Colonel would sometimes take naps on the church beach and other Kaiju would come around to visit but only Mudpuppy was true blue. He did not let the church out of his sight unless it was absolutely necessary. Even though he was still visibly upset with Gottlieb for not letting him follow the twins there was still love in the Kaiju’s manner. He curled close, huge body blocking out the wind and salt spray blowing off the ocean.

      “You may be on camera Newton….There is no reason you shouldn’t be.”

      “Nah Herms, you’ve been all alone in all of these. I’ll just provide some color commentary and poke my head in. This is your show man.”

Newt set Howard’s camera down on a rock and Hermann sat in his usual spot on the rock bench near the cliff. He stared out into the sky and could smell a storm coming. They could beat it...they had to. He had to finish this. He had been thinking about what he wanted to say to the camera ever since Sonia had been taken to the hospital.

      “Ok…umm…Hey! Howard actually put a little bit of tape down so I think this is where he usually sets it when you record. Smart. Muddy is in frame and you are looking sharp Herm so…whenever you’re ready dude.”

     “If the phone rings while we are doing this Newton for the love of god answer it…the call will be more important.”

Newt nodded and Hermann cleared his throat. Mudpuppy blew a warm breath on his back, one clawed hand-like paw cupped protectively around Gottlieb and his bench.

     “Hello. My name is Hermann Gottlieb.  I have been many things for the PPDC over the years. I’ve been a programmer, mathematician…and most recently a Ranger. I have supported the Jaeger program through many obstacles…budget cuts and the building of the Wall of Life. The program I dedicated so many years of my life to? It is _not_ the program I see today. “

Mudpuppy yawned directly behind him. Opening his mouth so wide his head seemed to split in half. The jellyfish protrusion of his tongue curled back into a throat lined with blue dots of wet incandescent skin. Hermann gave a nonchalant glance over his shoulder and smiled at the camera.

     “This Kaiju, one of the second wave…is _not_ a threat to humanity. As I have demonstrated before, he and his brothers are not our enemies. For the good of them and the people around me at risk from the PPDC or other government organizations I offer a truce, an olive branch…a meeting. I invite the Press the PPDC, the UN and all other world governments that wish to send representatives to meet me and the Hive in one month’s time so we can discuss the future and understand each other. The location of our meeting is open for debate but we must agree with whatever venue you choose.”

He took a deep breath through his nose and looked at Newt behind the camera. The man gave an enthusiastic thumbs up and encouragement bloomed soft in Hermann’s stomach.

     “For this meeting to happen however some… stipulations must be met. Our terms are simple. All areas within two hundred kilometers of myself and my no long deceased partner Newton Geiszler…”

  Newt leaned down so he was directly in front of the camera and waved eagerly 

      “Hey Dad and Gunter! Not dead! Also Hi Barlowe! You’re a complete asshole!”

He pulled his head out of frame and Hermann continued, hoping Newt hadn’t knocked the phone askew.

     “…those areas are declared neutral territory. We and anyone in that space that we consider a friend be they human or Kaiju cannot be touched, harassed nor arrested by the PPDC and its affiliates. Due to recent circumstances I am sure that the PPDC or some other organization has already found us. So here is my warning…”

Hermann looked meaningfully at the camera.

     “…If something happens to us the world will know. If something happens I will make sure that the world knows every secret thing or bit of dirty laundry I and my colleagues know. More than I have already said in past videos. Both the damaging and the embarrassing…trust me. There is much I have left unsaid and I will make it known if provoked.”

He felt his voice grow cold. Hermann held his head high as rain started to fall in fat cold drops. Mudpuppy leaned forward so his chin covered Gottlieb, Geiszler and the camera; posing as a gargantuan Kaiju umbrella. There was a swell of fierce pride in Hermann’s chest. He could sense Mudpuppy all around him and Newt in his head.

     “If anything happens to any of them... I will tell captivating stories of _stolen birds_ and long lost _ancestors_.”

Hermann paused to let this sink in. He felt the heavy weight of exhaustion bearing down. Now that he had said what he really needed to say he felt very...empty. Gottlieb looked down at the phone and wished again that it would ring. That he could hear Howard or Balor’s voices. Find out if Sonia was alright. The rain slid down Mudpuppy’s dusky blue skin and soaked the sand around them, turning the world cold. The sound of the ocean filled the hush, the surf booming in his ears and seagulls calling from the lonely spaces beyond the tree line.

      “I will expect a prompt response so that myself and all interested parties can plan the details of our meeting. The answer needs to broadcast where all may view it….Also. I was aggrieved to hear of the passing of Wiley Harpe. He was a good Ranger and a kind human being…my condolences to his family. Thank you and goodbye.”

Newt stooped down and picked up the phone. Switching off the camera he gave Hermann a sad smile.

      “That was nice. It was nice you mentioned Wiley at the end…but you were kind of bluffing your way through it right? I mean…you know a lot of crap but enough for them to be really afraid? Nice touch with the bird and the ancestor by the way. Shrike and that experimental Jaeger right? I hope they get it.”

      “I think they will. Let them wonder how much I really know…They’ll agree to the meeting, you’ll see.”

Hermann stared down at his shoes. He scrabbled for his crutch and shivered in his Rangers jacket, pulling the woolly collar closer. The rain fell harder turning into a mixture of cold water and pelting ice. Mudpuppy made an uncomfortable noise as it hit the fine soft skin on either side of his face. He folded the frills tight against his skull and warbled uneasily.

     “ _You go in water. We go inside but visit again soon. You did good helping._ ”

Mudpuppy seemed loath to leave them but the sleet was stinging and he growled at it irritably, turning towards the water.

 

Hermann’s clothes were soaked through from the sudden downpour. The walk from the beach to the elevator was a short one but he and Newton moved at an excruciatingly slow pace. By the time they made it into the church elevator and watched the doors close Hermann was wet down to his underwear. He clucked his tongue when Newton reached forward and hit the elevator button with the large L next to it.

    “You pushed the wrong floor that will take us to the lobby.”

   “Nah I didn’t! You promised you would show me the chapel! It’s on the lobby floor right?”  
Newt smiled at him his glasses fogged, his teeth bright white in his pale scruffy face. He needed to shave. They had obviously been shaving him when he had been comatose in Anchorage. A few days away and his face was already degenerating back into a unkempt mess. Hermann didn’t want to admit how much he liked the scratch of the whiskers when Newt pressed close.

He stared at his partner feeling a strange pressure as they rose up through the stone cliff. The echoing black feeling returned to the connection and Newt’s eyes went blank. Hermann stared at the elevator buttons and his thoughts turned sluggish. How long would these little lapses last? Days…weeks? Forever? Hermann swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut. Had they done some damage to Newton’s brain that could not be healed? It wasn’t severe but…they had no right to do what they had done. There was no cause for it. No justification. With a discouraged sigh Gottlieb draped an arm over Newt’s shoulders.

    “Must we see the chapel right now? We’re both soaking wet…”

Newt shook his head and looked about puzzled before he seemed to remember the conversation they had been having.

    “Oh . Yeah, just for a minute. I’m super curious. W-was I doing the staring thing again?”

    “Yes, I’m afraid so. ”

They pushed across the lobby, padding over the lush carpets and past the ornate entrance hall fountain; dripping water as they went. Newt’s hair was plastered to his scalp and Hermann felt a strange déjà vu.

    “God they really had a lot of money to burn huh?”

Hermann nodded guiding Newt towards the huge polished entryway that lead to the chapel itself. After a brief struggle with the heavy bone doors, they walked inside among the vacant pews. There was a deathly hush in the chapel. The place was so large the emptiness of it was crushing. Newt swiveled this way and that, taking in the mural of the Breach on the ceiling, the elaborate stained glass windows and the trinity of statues ready to pounce from behind the pulpit.

     “Trespasser. The first one out…Kaiceph the one we dropped a nuke on…Hardship the first one to fight a Jaeger.”  
Newton moved away from Hermann and leaned his cane on a pew. Looking steady on his feet the Ranger walked towards the front of the bethel. The rain had turned from cold sleet to bits of wet sticky snow outside the windows. Dark shadows floated over the statues, hovering in swirling masses over the pews. Hermann searched his jacket pocket; almost certain Balor had given him a lighter for candles that he had stuffed away unthinkingly. Newton climbed the black marble steps to the dais and laid a hand on Trespassers leg reverently.

     “Trespasser…I quit my job at MIT the day he attacked Frisco. I didn’t even go back to campus to collect my stuff. I traveled all the way to New York to see his skull when it went on display. You know it was so big they built the Museum of Natural History annex without a roof and then lowered the thing in and built around it? I was in New York for a week and…I think I spent every moment I could just …sitting in that room staring at him. Trying to figure him out…trying to figure _them_ out.”

He pulled off the paper moustache the Whateley twins had stuck to his upper lip and moved on to Hardship.

     “Hardship…hah. First Kaiju action figure I ever owned. He had the strongest carapace of any of them …harder than diamond. The Chitin in the exo-skeleton was so thick it took several days to figure out some way to cut it open during cleanup.They used that same laser tech in Jaegers later…”

Gottlieb found the lighter in his innermost pocket and lit the nearest candle with an unsteady hand. The shadows of the snow outside shifted in the sudden blaze of illumination. Newt brushed past Trespasser and stood before Kaiceph. Looking for all the world like he was waiting for the same judgment the church members had expected.

     “Kaiceph. I rode on the aircraft carrier with his body all the way to the LA Shatterdome. You know…the nuclear bombs they dropped on Cabo San Lucas almost didn’t kill it? Thought they were going to have a drop a second strike….luckily it bled out. Or unluckily…depending on how you look at it I guess.”

Hermann lit another candle and the snow fell thicker. It was February now. He was almost sure. He wasn’t sure if it was the beginning or the end but February should have meant the first tentative signs of spring. No. Not anymore.

    “I recall the ride on the carrier. It was strong in the drift. Cabo San Lucas is probably one of the reasons we are shivering wet and watching snow fall out of season…Not something to have a fond reverie about Newton.”

Newt stared ahead again eyes going blank as he had one of his pauses. Hermann moved towards him. Lighting candles as he went, leaving a trail of little fires. He jumped surprised when Newt spoke again eyes focused upwards, examining the darkened mural above his head.

  “Hundun…Hound…Taurax…Ceramander…Atticon…Fiend…Taranais…Belogbog…”

Hermann managed the stairs up to the pulpit with slow painstaking steps. He lit a few more candles and tucked the lighter back in his pocket. Setting his crutch against the side of the speaker’s podium, Gottlieb sat down on the edge of the trinity fountain with a soft groan. There was a padded bench like protrusion he was felt sure had once been an altar for offerings. He settled into its red velvet cushions and pulled off his soggy jacket.

     “Scunner…Krueger…Raythe…Hidoi…Rachnid…”

Newt continued to recite Kaiju under his breath, finding them in the painting one at a time. The connection roiled and tumbled. Turbulent colors burst across Hermann’s inner eye so vividly he could hear noises in them crashing mutely against his tympanic membranes. He reached up and took Newton’s hand pulling him down to sit on the altar. Lifting up Newt’s face so they were looking eye to eye, Hermann spoke softly; running long fingers through Geiszler’s hair, doing his best to stave off what felt like an imminent panic attack.

     “…It’s alright. You’re safe.”

Newt turned. The rigid side of his face caught in the soft glow of the candles, glasses flickering in the firelight. He laughed nervously and massaged his temples taking deep even breaths.

     “Hah...Here we are alone by candlelight and I’m reciting monster names. I’m the most romantic man alive huh? Are you thoroughly seduced?”

Hermann smiled at him and let his eyes wander about the gigantic chapel filled to the rafters with grey afternoon light. The candles caused unsettling shapes on the walls. The black silhouettes of Kaiju statues mingled with the shadows of falling snow. It felt as if they were moving, dancing over the red carpets and alabaster banisters.

     “Just having you here is romantic…I…”

Newt shoved his upper body forward and kissed Hermann almost violently on the mouth. Waves of darkness calmed and brightened as they rippled through Hermann’s brain. They held the kiss, lingering, flashes of blue memories churning between them in the drift. The collective pain in ribs and leg was pushed to the side and in its place there was nothing but tenderness and need. Hermann pulled away gasping for air and pressed a hand to either side of Newton’s face.

      “Newton…Would you like to fool around a little?”

The tension in his partner’s body evaporated. Newton sagged slightly and Hermann could feel a fluttery sense of release. It was like Newton had been holding his breath for a very long time and he had finally let it out in a long satisfying sigh. Geiszler sniffled, his eyes shining behind foggy glasses.

    “We’re both…kind of messed up but fuck if I don’t want to try.”

Newt’s arms wrapped around Hermann’s shoulders and tugged at his damp sweater, peeling it away from his skin. The bad side of his face was working so energetically Hermann was almost sure he was going to smile with both sides of his mouth. After an embarrassingly long struggle Hermann managed to remove Newt’s soaking wet t-shirt. He chucked it aside and the ratty garment landed with a wet smack on top of Trespasser’s head; Hiding the Kaiju’s grisly jaws and terrible teeth under a faded Metallica logo.

 Newt wrestled with the buttons on Gottlieb’s undershirt, doing his best to keep kissing him as he fought to unhook each stubborn bit of string and plastic. He pressed his lips to Hermann’s collarbone and bright patches of Dream Theater like color exploded across their shared headspace. The ghost-drift shimmered with the same ecstatic greens and pinks as the ethereal aurora borealis in their shared dream of the Hive mind. Soon it was impossible for Hermann to separate the colors rushing through his skull and the colors of Newt’s tattooed body. They merged into one another and he was vaguely aware Newton had ripped his undershirt in an effort to tug it off.

     “Oh shit dude…I think I just Bruce Bannered your shirt…shit I’m sorry!”

Hermann felt gold laughter bubble up his throat and he was shaking with it, running easy hands up Newton’s sides, mindful of his ribs. He felt scarring on his partner’s back where Kotick’s blood had burned the skin and pulled Newton closer.

     “To hell with the shirt…”

Newt raised his head from Hermann’s bare bony shoulder to examine him. He touched Gottlieb’s gaunt chest reverently and grimaced, tracing the visible ribs with the edge of his thumb. They took each other in. Drinking in the scars with somber adulation…reveling in the odd sensation of touching and being touched.

    “Hermann I-I really fucking love you.”

Newt panted in his ear as Hermann rested a hand on his chest, fanning out his fingers and moving it down languidly over his stomach. Despite the chilly air in the chapel Hermann didn’t feel cold, he felt the opposite. It was as if a long dormant furnace inside him had chugged steadily back to life. Newton ran a gentle hand over his bad hip, resting his palm on the aching thigh muscles pensively before reaching to unbutton his pants. Hermann melted. If he had been able to go back five years into the past and tell himself he would someday make love to Newton Geiszler on the altar of a Kaiju temple he wondered how his past self would react…Not well. He chuckled at the thought brushing eager lips across Newts throat.

   “I know you do.”

The graven Kaiju stared blindly down at the two of them on the altar. Eyes of glass, paint and stone watching impassively as they clung to one another. Hermann was aware of them everywhere…even as he laid back and Newt pushed on top of him. Crushed velvet rubbed against his shoulder blades. He closed his eyes and was taken by a vortex of formless shapes and the heavy sound of Newton’s blood coursing through him, the solid awareness of his heart racing. Hermann rode these sensory impressions away from the world, losing his last thread of rational thought in a swirl of tongue and tattoos.

 At some point Hermann was almost sure he heard a faint noise …a familiar musical chirp. He barely registered it and his attention was torn away almost instantly.

The cell phone buried deep in the pocket of his discarded Rangers jacket rang on…unanswered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Pickle-Plum and GeniusBee for the help and beta-ing of this chapter.
> 
> The chapter title comes from the Etta James song At Last.


	25. Strange Loyalties

     “I don’t like you going to meet this dude alone, Herm. I don’t think it’s smart...”

   Hermann watched the snowy woods brush past the RV windows leaning on the camper’s small dining table. The RV interior was dark, little light coming in from the grey winter world outside. Newt’s voice cut through the rhythmic slap and squeal of the windshield wipers and the whining hum of the hybrid-engine, breaking the torpid drive-induced silence.

Newton glared back from the passenger side seat. Hermann couldn’t make out his eyes behind his glasses in the gloom, but he could feel the heat from the look his partner was giving him. The headlights shone through a swirl of snow and it was difficult to see the road in the dance of falling feathers. Howard drove slowly down the rocky unpaved road that lead them away from the church entrance and out onto the main highway. The Whateley twin rubbed tiredly at his eyes and answered Newt before Hermann could.

      “I mean we don’t really have a choice. They’ve already got us trapped….Sonia’s in the ICU and the Hobbit is still laid up…We can’t just beat feet out of here. There aren’t any military guys but I keep seeing cops talking to the hospital staff…”

Hermann massaged his scalp. He had been nursing a headache all morning and Newton’s anxiety was doing nothing to help the throbbing pain behind his eyes. Sonia had survived her final surgery. Well, not all of her; She was several inches short of intestine but otherwise whole. The Whateley’s other organs had received minimal damage but it had been a close call. Blood loss and shock would have killed most people but as Balor observed “ _The twins were too stupid and stubborn to die_.” Balor was also improving. Stress and lack of sleep, among other bad habits, had finally knocked him down a few pegs. The official diagnosis was exhaustion but Hermann felt like it was time to really talk to the man about his smoking…or at the very least his drinking.

      “No. We want to talk to the PPDC this might be a positive thing…The have not made any violent threats against us and the note promised that if I met him there would be no soldiers appearing at the hospital correct?”

Howard didn’t take his eyes from the road. He shrugged his shoulders. “That’s what it _said_   but I don’t know if whoever this is meant it. I just know what the nurse at the front desk told me. She said a well-dressed guy came to the reception desk and left a note specifically for “Hermann Gottlieb and Company.” He said he was with the PPDC so I called you.”

Newt held up the note in question and frowned down at it, touching the bad side of his face distractedly. He read part of it out loud with a mocking lilt to his high-pitched voice.

      “Dear Blah blah yadda yadda…Please meet with me to speak about your situation. I feel that as a representative the PPDC I can begin the negotiations process between both our parties…blah…It is in your best interest to appear promptly at…ah! If you chose not to attend I can only assume you have no interest in peaceful cooperation and will tell the PPDC that action of a more physical nature…Ugh _this_ guy. Whoever this guy is just the way he writes makes me want to punch him in the goddamn face.”

Hermann watched Newt and felt a warm glow of affection that burned into his cheeks.

      “I can’t say I disagree but one thing is clear. If I don’t go it will be worse than if I do go. He specified I meet him alone and so I will. You need to go get checked out at the hospital anyway Newton. Howard, thank you for coming to get us…I don’t know how we would have gotten to town without you.”

Hermann still felt very guilty about missing Howard’s call but he didn’t regret what he had done with Newt. He had always imagined that if he ever acted on the things he fantasized about.. the things he pushed down deep - he would probably die from the guilt alone. Yet now as he watched the smoky winter sun play over Geiszler’s face, he felt a kind of stillness, a peace within himself. The meeting with this unknown PPDC official didn’t scare him nearly as much as it should have. Not when he had already jumped the biggest hurdle in his life.     

     “The meeting message video was posted last night. The PPDC has no doubt been keeping track of anything Koosha releases on our accounts. He informs me that the moment anything from our channel is posted it immediately becomes viral. I would be surprised if the news hasn’t picked up our message to the PPDC Newton. If they want to hurt me at this meeting…well. My threats have had no effect and it will come to pass eventually anyway. I’ve accepted that. “

Newt twisted violently in his seat and looked back at him again.

     “Well I’m glad _you’ve_ accepted it! I think I’d like to have you around for awhile longer. I mean.”

He cast a sideways glance at Howard and spoke in an exaggerated whisper, switching to German, which probably only made what they were talking about even more obvious.

     "<I would prefer that…what we did in the church be like…not a one time thing.>"

Hermann propped his head on his hand and stared at him eyebrow raised.

     “<Oh? Thinking highly of ourselves are we?>”

Newt didn’t smile. He bit at his nails and bounced his leg, pulling unhappily at his seatbelt. He spoke in English again, kicking absently at the RV dash.

     “Fuck, Hermann, this isn’t funny. It could be Barlowe waiting with a handful of dudes with guns and black helicopters. It could be a TRAP….”

He trailed off and the drift said everything he could not. Hermann could feel the dark roiling red of fear, the softer colors expressing love and concern. _I don’t want you to go. I need you. I don’t want you to be alone._

     “I don’t think it will be a trap, Newton. They don’t need to be so reserved…and I hope it isn’t Barlowe. We didn’t part on very good terms.”

   Geiszler stared ahead eyes going blank mind calming somewhat. Hermann watched him trying to figure out if he was having one of his lapses…or if he was simply at an uncharacteristic loss for words. Newt didn’t speak again and the RV cab filled with a pressing, uncomfortable silence. The pressure between Hermann’s eyes increased and he sighed, rubbing impatiently at his temples.  
Howard turned onto the main road and the snow swirled violently around the camper windows. The wind had calmed to some extent but the snow was piling steadily. Howard yawned wide. He had to be tired. The twin had called Hermann as soon as he had gotten the note and left a long frantic message when he hadn’t picked up. The time between waking up on the Altar and this moment in the camper was one long blur of speaking with Mako and Becket…explaining the video to Koosha. Then suddenly they were going to Aberdeen. Hermann was just glad the Shrike Rangers had stayed behind with their Jaeger and the Hive. Even if the PPDC agreed not to touch anyone he had a feeling they would not hesitate to interrogate the Rangers about the Rapture if given the opportunity. Howard popped on the radio to fill the awkward quiet but was greeted with nothing but static white noise. He flipped it off and cleared his throat uneasily.

     “So…umm…where am I going again?”

 

   Hermann staggered into the shabby restaurant and was grateful for the sudden rush of heat. The mystery PPDC representative had left instructions in their note that the meeting would take place between eight to ten in the morning in a small pancake house called “Castro’s Eats.” The restaurant sat squat on the outskirts of the town proper and was extremely hard to miss from the road. Castro’s was painted an obnoxious sea-foam green and sat close to Aberdeen’s only functioning hotel. Hermann felt sure the place had been picked for more for convenience than anything else.

He pushed the door shut behind him and brushed snow from his coat. If something positive could be said of the place at all it was the fact it had a working heating system. Gottlieb was careful of the slick tile, working to find purchase with his makeshift crutch as he staggered towards the discolored “please wait to be seated” sign. Castro’s Eats smelled as old as it looked. It had the lingering odors of maple syrup, dust and burned coffee: not a completely unpleasant combination. The walls of curling wallpaper and faded brown clapboard were completely covered with knick-knacks that aimed for an overall ocean theme. Wooden seagulls, plastic anchors, and jars of crumbling seashells sat on rickety shelves next to framed prints of schooners and stormy oceans. The tables were chipped and only a few people sat in the cracked flaky booths lining the edges of the dining room.

A waitress stood at the hostess stand reading a book. She looked bored to tears: more engaged in her novel than her job. She barely glanced up as Hermann entered but shivered against the draft that blew in at his back. Tearing her attention away from the tattered paperback the waitress launched into a practiced tirade and finally brought her head up to look at him.

     “Welcome to Castro’s…”

Hermann didn’t notice her stop, engrossed in scanning the tables for a sign of the person he was meeting with. There was obviously another dining space in the back and he swallowed dryly. Whoever it was would be there. What if Newton was correct? What if it was Barlowe and he didn’t come alone?

     “You…Err..sir?”

Hermann jolted and turned back to the waitress who was beaming at him like he was a long lost friend. She looked around and bit her lip as if suddenly embarrassed by the state of her own workplace.

     “I…I can find you a nice booth out of the way of the cold I mean…we have handicapped accessible…I mean! Not that you like you know…really need it but if you _did_ …”

He smiled kindly and took another clunky step towards her, narrowly avoiding a hideous wooden carving of a pirate sitting precariously in the entryway.

     “I’m here to meet someone. I’m afraid I don’t know their name but…”

   She was staring at him again eyes wide and Gottlieb felt an uncomfortable tug in his chest unsure what to make of it. His eyes caught a flash on the front of her shirt near her nametag. No… He hadn’t caught it; she had flashed it at him, her eyes looking down at it suggestively. Hermann thought for a moment that she was flirting with him and knew Newt was somewhere laughing as the idea entered his mind. He stopped short and abruptly noticed what she had been gesturing to.

It was a button, a small brightly colored, painfully familiar pin-on button. If Hermann had worn his Ranger's jacket (he had not, there was no reason to draw undue attention to himself) he would have sported a button very similar on his collar. Right there on the girl’s shirt next to a nametag that cheerfully proclaimed “ _Hello! my name is Beth!_ ” was a crude approximation of the button Newton had given Gottlieb at the desert truck stop. Hers looked homemade, a crude copy of the original. It appeared as if some artist with little talent had tried to the best of their ability to replicate the Jackelopes embracing. Everything was there, even the words “ _Lets Jackelope!_ ” scrawled untidily in black marker.

     “How?…”

   The waitress smiled nervously but didn’t answer him. She turned with a flick of strawberry blonde ponytail and gestured for him to follow, guiding him behind a wall topped with ancient plastic coral and fake fishing nets that acted as a room divider.

“There is an older guy who came in a few minutes ago and said he was waiting for someone. I’m guessing he meant you. I gave him a seat back here by the fireplace. Come on back. Er…mind the puddle.”

She seemed flustered. Was he making her flustered? Or…Hermann barely had time to think on the mystery of the button before he saw the man there to meet him and it fell away in a rush of panic. He was very tall, broad-shouldered and lean. Everything about him svelte, cold, and completely professional. He made no move to stand as Hermann approached, regarding him with eyes so dark brown they bordered on black.

     “Son.”

Hermann stopped and felt a tremor of fear so intense it whispered down his spine and burned his stomach. The Hive writhed uncomfortably and Newton reached out to him in a wave of electric concern. Of all the monsters the PPDC could have sent to parley in the kitschy old restaurant they had chosen the very worst. He would have gladly faced a whole group of Barlowes…a whole herd of Dietriches instead of… _this_. Gottlieb stood straight as possible, schooling his features into a blank mask, attempting to hide the desperate fear that rushed through him.

     “Father.”

Lars Gottlieb watched dispassionately as his son leaned his crutch against a nearby table and took his seat. The waitress, “Beth” Hermann remembered, stood nearby. Her hands outstretched eager to lend a hand if she could. She helped Hermann push his chair to the table and while he did appreciate the kindness, the spectacle was just embarrassing. His cheeks reddened and he took a deep breath through his nose.

     “Thank you, Miss.”

The young woman smiled and earned a look of frosty dislike from Lars for her trouble.

     “No problem…um. Can I bring you something warm to drink before you order?”

     “He’ll have a cup of coffee and we’ll not be eating anything. I don’t expect this meeting will be long, young lady.”

The waitress startled, looking at Lars like she had just noticed he was there. His tone was so unsettling she stammered a bit in her reply.

     “A…are you sure? I…the food is on me today. I’m just honored that…”

The older man cut her off eyes narrowed.

     “The coffee will be sufficient thank you. Now if you’ll please leave us.”

Hermann watched her scuttle away and the dread in his stomach was rapidly replaced by burning anger: the same anger that had built into an unspoken hate over the years.

     “Still polite to underlings I see, father.”

Lars examined Hermann critically, his eyes tracing every line of his face, his unkempt hair, ragged clothes, and crude stitched-together crutch. He clearly did not like what he saw.

     “Your appearance is _abhorrent_ Hermann. You look like a wandering beggar. What have you done to yourself?”

Hermann tried not to cringe but he couldn’t help himself. No matter how cruel, his father’s words rang with truth. He was probably unrecognizable…a shadow of the trim and tidy mathematician that had worked in sterile labs and spent hours breathing in chalk dust. He snarled out a reply, voice dripping with sarcasm.

     “I’m sorry I don't meet with your expectations. It can be difficult to find time for personal grooming when one is on the run from military organizations.”

The waitress set a steaming hot cup of coffee in front of Hermann before she dashed away again. He focused on it, reaching for the cream with shaking hands, refusing to look his father in the eye. The man spoke curtly, if he noticed his son’s irritation he did not react to it.

     “Well. The running is over now. I’ve come to try and talk sense into you before things turn…unsavory.”

Hermann felt like a little boy. He was a little boy and his father was going to lecture him about an un-tucked shirt or a bad grade, except this time it wouldn’t end with a child’s punishment. Crossing the PPDC would undoubtedly get him more than a time out or a missed meal.

     “I’m not giving myself up. I’m sure you’ve brought half the PPDC’s personal military with you but I will make myself heard…”

     “There is no military here Hermann. It is just me. Only me.”

Gottlieb looked up his father in surprise.

     “What?”

     “I’m not here as just another PPDC official. I’m here as your father. I’m here to speak with you as family.”

Hermann was speechless for a moment. Lars took a sip of his coffee and scowled at the taste, adding another packet of sweetener.

     “Why? Why would you…”

     “When you and that idiot biologist….”

Hermann let out an impatient huff of breath and banged the spoon he had been using to stir cream into his coffee on the table.

     “Newton, father! _NEWTON GEISZLER_. He has a _name_.”

Lars looked down his nose at Hermann evenly. The wrinkles around his father’s eyes had never looked so apparent. It was obviously he had been dying his thinning hair. When had the man become so old? Lars spoke his next words in dry, humorless German.

     <"So he must. Dietrich has told me you know more of the man then just his name.">

The blush was instantaneous and Hermann’s pained embarrassment caused the Hive to hiss in collective rage. Newt sent wave after wave of questioning blue light. He pushed them both away.

     <"So what if I do? What if he is a good and caring person? I’m sure you would have objections no matter who I choose to…to be with">

Hermann’s face grew unbearably hot and he gritted his teeth. The pain in his hip flared and his stomach was full of angry wasps. He had been taking painkillers regularly, afraid to stop. Now he was glad he had decided not to skimp. He had feared this moment, had known it would come eventually. Lars only sighed and gave a dismissive wave of his hand.

     <"No matter what you are. No matter what unnatural bedroom practices you act upon or bad company you keep, you are still my son. You have always been a dead branch…a thorn in my side that has never fulfilled his true potential. I do not have to agree with what you do and I certainly don’t…but I do not want to see you killed">

Hermann stared at his father mouth agape. He didn’t know what to say, words in either German or English a complete impossibility at the moment. His father put his head in his hands and gave a weary sigh.

     <"They want to kill you and your idiot biologist, Hermann. You are dangerous. At first they decided you were useful. They would use you to find Kaiju. They kept you where they would have complete control over your lives: The Ranger program. But you soon proved too erratic and difficult to manage in the chaos of Fortress. I suggested sending you to Fort Tempest. It should have been safe there…”>

Hermann sputtered and the Hive was thrashing now, their angry roiling drowning out any comforting thoughts Newt tried to push through. His emotions were so thick Hermann barely noticed the voices screaming in his head. He could only stare at his father, stuck on his every word.

     <"The smuggling…It’s distasteful but sadly essential. It was not necessary when the program was still secret. We could sell the parts directly. Now we have little choice. The PPDC lacks sufficient funding, Hermann. It is no different then when your beloved Marshall Pentecost sold the rights to Kaiju body parts to fill his budget gaps. Besides, when the Kaiju start attacking, when the breach reopens who cares what country owns which Jaeger? What does it matter who builds them as long as they are built…">

     <"You can’t possibly compare…Father there is no danger. The Kaiju will not attack! They are not…">

Lars turned his head sharply and sneered, lips pulled back as he bared his teeth. The old man’s taunting voice rising hot in the dead quiet of the vacant dining room.

     <"SILENCE BOY! Even if your tame monsters do not kill they are monsters all the same and must be destroyed! And if these Jaegers do not fight your broken Kaiju specifically…another Breach will open and more will come. We must be ever vigilant…ever prepared!">

Hermann pulled back like he had been scalded by the words and he shook his head.

     <“You and the other PPDC officials are insane! The UIS and other countries are using Jaegers on PEOPLE!">

Lars tented his fingers and gave a heaving dramatic sigh, ignoring Hermann’s stammered objections.

     <"Yes…It is upsetting, but sacrifices always have to be made. Now…back to the subject at hand. You and your biologist…after you became _involved_ in the Tempest border affairs…" >

Hermann felt like he was choking on all the things he wanted to say. His heart was pounding and his blood was sizzling. Mother raised her head taking tentative notice. Newton was blindly trying to calm him down. Blood dripped unnoticed down onto the tabletop from Hermann’s nostrils.

     <"After your fight with the UIS Jaeger, the UN convened to deliberate on the two of you. You called a Kaiju; all efforts to control you had failed. It was thought best you two be put down. I saw the wisdom in this decision despite my obvious objections. I would hope you too would see why they felt it was necessary.”>

Lars picked up a napkin and wiped distractedly at a spot of blood on the table near his coffee cup waiting for Hermann to regain a little composure before he continued.

     <"The Kaiju you called on the Californian coast was the final straw, Hermann. You must look at it from the perspective of the PPDC. You hold unreasonable power…you have the ability to summon them, use them…you are a weapon beyond the grasp of any single country…you are an individual with the power of an army, of an atomic bomb! If a country harnessed that, if you decided to use it…">

Lars Gottlieb turned his stony face on Hermann, examining him appraisingly. Always weighing his worth, debating how he could be used.

     <"I did not want you killed. I put forth that if another way could be found…perhaps your lives could be spared. The k-sciences department of Fortress II proposed a medical coma and I saw it as a way to save you…"> 

Hermann had shut his eyes and one hand on the tabletop the other clenching deep into the muscle of his bad leg. He took deep breathes through his bloody nose and used the pain to focus through the roar of noise.

     <"So should I be…thanking you? Should I be grateful that my father finally took a moment and considered his son? Long enough to approve my...my partner and I be locked away instead of killed outright? Am I supposed to praise the way you pushed for us to be tucked into some corner to slowly rot while you plotted further world domination?">

   Lars said nothing for a few agonizing seconds. There was no remorse in his face only a blank sort of acceptance. He admitted no wrong-doing, accepted no blame. If there was any love for Hermann at all it was smothered by callous self-righteousness and that ever-present drive to ensure the Gottliebs’ great legacy. No matter how many wrinkles he accumulated or years he aged, the man never changed. Hermann’s chest began to tighten painfully; he had not felt this pain since drifting without his blood pressure medication. He couldn’t let the man give him a heart-attack now…not after all the shit he had survived. _  
_

<"Newton and I won’t be volunteering ourselves for comas anytime soon. If that’s why you came. As much as I appreciate your sudden interest in my well-being, it does not convince me your motives are honorable…not in the slightest.">

Lars shook his head and gave an exasperated sigh.

     <“If you do not give yourself up now, Hermann, If you do not give yourselves up gracefully and guarantee the Kaiju keep their distance…the PPDC and all its allies will kill you; You and your biologist. The game is over, Hermann, Fortress II has tracked the Kaiju to their origin point. They know where the Fissure can be found. Where the Kaiju come and go from and soon enough they will find whatever lies inside it.">

Hermann stared at him vacantly at first, unsure if he understood Lars’s words. Then…he burst into frantic laughter. It started small and built up into manic giggling. He laughed until tears squeezed from his eyes and the burning heat in his blood came to a boil. Of course they had found Mother. Of course they had…nothing could ever be easy…nothing could ever go smoothly. Newton was desperate now--his voice a mute whisper in Hermann’s ear. He could feel the words pounding in the base of his skull. _Calm down…calm down Hermann…the Hive…it’s too much...you have to calm down._

   Lars was not expecting the outburst and he pushed back against his chair, eyes narrowed, hand reaching instinctively towards his belt. He must have a gun there, Hermann thought. He didn’t feel the least bit of surprise. Lars hadn’t brought any military thugs with him…but he certainly didn’t come to see his deranged Kaiju-loving son unarmed. Hermann calmed enough to speak, still grinning at his father like a madman. “

     <"So you’ve found it? Well…I suppose it was only a matter of time. I have to admit…I did not think you were even still looking. If you attack the Fissure…trench...whatever you want to call it. The Kaiju will not hesitate to fight you. I don’t recommend it. Not even Newton and I could call them off then.">

Hermann took a long drink of his coffee and it burned on the way down. It was so coarse and rough it sent a burn of acid back up his throat. Reaching in his own pocket, muscles tensed, Hermann watched to see if his father would move any closer to the concealed firearm most likely held in a holster at his hip. Lars made no move, his features still impassive. Pulling out Howard’s phone, Hermann found the latest video recording still saved on it. He held it out with flourish.

     <“Did you see the new video I posted? Did headquarters share it with you this morning…?>

Lars glanced irately at the screen and his hand slowly drifted back up to the tabletop. He drummed his fingers impatiently.

     <"Yes. I’ve seen it, Hermann.">

     <"So you know what I’ll do if you try and hurt me? If you try and hurt the Hive? Attack the Fissure? Hurt Newton or any of the Rangers under the protective rules I laid out? The world would love to know about so many of the things you’ve done…and I have enough of an audience no amount of media blackout will cover it up…Even if I do die, I’ll die knowing I sowed so much speculation and anger the PPDC will never be trusted again.">

Lars let out a barking laugh of his own. He appeared unfazed but Hermann could see the tell-tale sign of a nervous twitch near the corner of his mouth.

     <"I tried, Hermann. I want you to remember that. I came to you and I tried to help you. Despite your betrayal of your family, I came offering to save your life. I truly hope you enjoy your heroic delusions because you’ve dug your own grave with them, son, and now…now you must sleep in it.…">

Hermann growled in the back of his throat and opened his mouth to answer.

     <"I wi-">

   He stopped mid-word, distracted by the sound of clattering silverware. Glancing down confused, Hermann noticed his spoon clinking softly on the side of his coffee cup. The hive was moaning softly and he focused just past his father’s aggravated face and into the distance, eyes going blank. Tuning back into the Hive noise was like tuning into a heavy metal radio station after growing used to an earful of static. He shook his head slowly from side to side as everything he had been blocking howled back into focus. A plate shook itself off a nearby serving tray, smashing into fragments on the tiled floor. It was soon joined by a tray of spoons and several wall-mounted knick-knacks. The waitress from before rushed from the kitchen alarmed as an enormous decorative life preserver fell from above the fireplace and rolled in the direction of the kitchen. She staggered and Hermann felt the ground move under his feet, bouncing unsteadily in an improbably even rhythm. Lars stood and looked down at Hermann accusingly.

     “What have you…”

Hermann made a blind grab for his crutch as the thudding vibrations grew more intense. A jar of seashells close to Lars’ head shook itself from its shelf. It fell to the floor and shattered into bits. Confused voices rose from the main dining room and Hermann could hear murmurs of the word earthquake. He groaned and shook his head as the first scaly foot appeared with a booming thud in front of the restaurant’s foggy front windows.     

     “ _Mudpuppy...NO..._ ”

Mudpuppy stopped, leaning down three of his eyes to peek inside the restaurant, sweeping the interior of Castro’s Pancake House for his Hive brother. He spotted Hermann and made a low whine in his throat. The noise shook a tip jar near the front door so hard it toppled, exploding in a spray of quarters and glass shards.

     “ _Small voice ok?! Where bad!? Where danger?! I protect!_ ”

Hermann looked frantically at his father and back to the Kaiju.

     “ _…Mudpuppy GO. GO BACK NOW!!_ ”

The waitress stood near the front window, her legs wobbling but her face split wide open in a grin.

     “Oh my GOD! It’s him! Oh shit!”

She managed to get to the hostess counter and rooted around until she pulled out an old smart phone, yelling over her shoulder to the cook staff. Hermann passed her in a daze, bursting out the door into the punishing wind and tumbling snow. Mudpuppy lowered his head down to greet him, massive pupils reduced to slits. His immense body was shaking and he kept drawing back his lips and baring his teeth, a sure sign of distress. Hermann could feel the Kaiju’s anguish. Lowering the fine webbed frills on either side of his skull, Mudpuppy pushed himself to the ground. His head was as big as the restaurant; the Kaiju could have swallowed it in three large bites if he really wanted to.

     “ _Small-voice in trouble! Hurt! Not supposed to come but feel you. Feel bad. Had to come..Hive LOUD. Had to come…sorry sorry sorry…_ ”

   Hermann shivered (he had not had time to grab his coat before staggering out into the parking lot) and the wind blew right through him. He pulled the cuff of his sweater over his palm and pressed it to Mudpuppy’s snout; his mind was in utter chaos, the Hive screaming for attention and reassurance. This was his fault…his emotions had been too intense and he hadn’t reined them in correctly. The Kaiju had answered his involuntary call. Hermann could see Mudpuppy vigilantly avoiding the few cars in the lot with his limbs. Castro’s wasn’t technically in the city itself and he wondered if the Kaiju had managed to avoid the rest of Aberdeen, sticking to the back roads. There was no distant sound of police sirens thus far. There was a good chance luck was with them on this. Mudpuppy had probably taken the straightest line possible. Kaiju were nothing if not predictable.

     “ _I’m alright…There is no danger I promise. I was just upset. I’m sorry I scared you and the Hive. It’s all alright…_ ”

He stopped mid-thought, distracted by the unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked. Hermann turned to see his father emerge from the restaurant, a large handgun clutched in his fist. Hermann stared amazed, not at the gun but at his father’s face. He had never seen Lars look afraid before. Not just afraid… the man was petrified, his bony cheeks flushed and his dark eyes wide.

     “You may as well shoot feathers at him for all the good that gun will do you, father.”

Mudpuppy licked at his teeth with a colossal fluorescent tongue and watched the man with the gun curiously. He growled low and pushed at Hermann’s hand, his tail sweeping behind him, nudging a car enough to set off its alarm. The barrel of the gun lowered, centered not on Mudpuppy but on Hermann, the muzzle aimed right at his heart.

     “No. But I doubt he would like it very much if I shot you...”

Hermann was suddenly very glad that Newton had not come with him. He would have lunged by now, tried to tackle the old man where he stood. He didn’t feel any fear…he doubted his father would actually shoot him. But at the same time, panic did horrific things to people’s judgment. Mudpuppy’s muscles wound inside him, the tension crackling through his enormous body as he set his sights on Lars Gottlieb. Hermann didn’t think Mudpuppy understood much about guns. Maybe he had a vague idea gleaned from lessons and snippets of shared memories…but the Kaiju could sense intent perfectly well and it was obvious this man was not a friend.

     “ _Bad Man…danger…hate...He want hurt small voice…I hurt him._ ”

     “ _ **No** …Mudpuppy don’t hurt him…I’m alright._”

Hermann took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself down, sooth the Hive. Mudpuppy bristled, clawing at the ground beneath his front feet. The only thing restraining him was Hermann. One word, one thought and Lars would be a smatter of meat between his incisors. Hermann spoke slowly eyes never leaving his fathers. Lars’ arm had begun to shake from holding the gun up, unused muscles straining to keep on target.

     “I didn’t call the Kaiju to kill you, Father. Go tell the PPDC to announce a place for our meeting…”

   Lars panted but didn’t move, didn’t answer. Hermann looked past him and noticed for the first time that the waitress was there recording the whole thing with her phone. A small group of people clustered around her, all gaping in shock at the gun, Mudpuppy, and Lars. Hermann paused, eyes resting on the crude Jackelope button pinned to waitress’ uniform. At least his father hadn’t lied about being alone; there were no military forces or PPDC Jaegers lurking in the pines.

     “…We don’t want any more deaths. No more dead Kaiju and no more dead Rangers. I’ve stated my terms in the video and I have nothing more to say to you…except-“

Hermann hesitated…this was being recorded and within hours she would probably put it online. He switched to German knowing full well it would make little difference.

     "<You have treated me poorly my…my entire life. Almost every decision I’ve made has involved your voice inside my head. One of my biggest regrets is that my fear of you didn’t let me be with the person I love much sooner…>”

Lars gaped at him, adjusting his shaking grip on the gun, finger shifting dangerously over the trigger. Mudpuppy stirred, a warning rumble echoing deep in his chest. Hermann’s heart skipped a beat but he gamely continued on.

     <“You’ve been a poor father but…I forgive you. I forgive you if only to free myself from you. Thank you for coming to speak with me but…you need to leave now, Father.”>

The gun lowered slightly, still aimed at Hermann’s midsection. He let out a long breath and looked into Lars Gottlieb’s puzzled face.

     <"You need to go…">

Mudpuppy’s rumbling edged into a whimper. He scrabbled for a better grip on the icy asphalt, frills slowly lifting away from the sides of his head. In the restaurant doorway someone shoved forward to get a better view. The waitress squealed as her balance was thrown off. She fumbled over a patch of ice plowing forward and knocking hard into Lars. The old man’s hand flew upwards, finger slamming the trigger and letting off a wild shot.

If he had hit any other part of Mudpuppy he probably would not have felt it, but the tiny bullet flew straight into the soft tissue of the Kaiju’s eye. He threw back his head, squealing in pain and surprise. Hermann felt his own eye water; it was like a sharp grain of glass had pricked his cornea. He fell backwards onto the ground, losing his crutch as the Kaiju’s nose pulled away from his hand. Mudpuppy hunched on his back legs and tail, moaning piteously and pawing at his hurt eye.     

“ _HURT HURT HURT_!”

The waitress backed away, phone in hand, and Lars took one last look at his son before he ran, gun still held at his side. He kicked up snow as he went, beating an extremely undignified retreat in the direction of the hotel. Hermann watched him until he disappeared behind a line of evergreen trees. Mudpuppy sank back down to crouch on all six limbs with a thud that made the world shake. The lowest of his eyes on the right side slid half shut, a very thin trickle of blue blood dripping from its corner. Hermann swiveled about blindly trying to find his crutch.

      ” _It’s alright now Mudpuppy. He’s gone now. Promise you won’t chase him._ ”

The Kaiju bunched his muscles and made as if to follow Lars then looked down at Hermann still lying helpless on his back and thought better of it. Mudpuppy lowered himself slowly back to rest, belly hugging the icy pavement.

     “ _No chase. Promise…small voice hurt?_ “

     “ _No…Mudpuppy I’m fine. Thank you I…_ ”

Hermann froze. Strong arms were lifting him up and he looked around surprised. Two of the men who had watched the confrontation from the restaurant doorway were helping him to his feet. They both looked like lumberjacks and the taller of the two hefted him carefully to his feet while his friend handed him his crutch, even taking a moment knock the snow off it. They spoke to him, smiling, but Hermann couldn’t seem to interpret the words through his shock. Strangers….strangers were helping him. Mudpuppy watched them and licked at the blood dripping from his hurt eye, bewildered.

     “I…T-thank you.”

   The flannel-clad lumberjacks smiled at him and he took a painful step back, the weight of everything that had just happened crashing down at once. Hermann sat on Mudpuppy’s claw in the quiet parking lot and put his head in his hands. He just needed a moment to get his bearings. Just a few minutes to regroup and then he would have to call Howard to come and get him…make sure Mudpuppy made it back to the church alright. They would have to figure out some way to look at the Kaiju’s eye. It was such a tiny thing but…could Kaiju get infections? Could he lose the eye somehow if he did? Newton would be able to make an educated guess; he was the Kaiju biologist all. Newton. Newt was probably chewing his fingernails to the bone right now. He could hear the reverberations of his apprehension in the drift but he turned focus to his own spotted thoughts.

The cold soaked through his sweater and clutched at his skin. His pant legs flapped against his legs in the wind but he ignored them. He was coming down from an adrenaline high he hadn’t even realized he had been on. It had probably kicked in the moment he saw his father. Mudpuppy stirred and suddenly hands were putting Gottlieb’s overlarge parka snugly around his shoulders. He threw his hands up defensively. The reflex almost caused him to punch the coat-bearer right in the face. It was the waitress. His eyes flicked down and at the nametag to refresh his memory: “ _Hi my name is Beth_.” Beth smiled at him sheepishly.

     “Bad meeting huh? You umm…You left your coat inside…I thought…well, you looked pretty cold.”

He blinked at her, waiting for her to explain herself further, but the teenager was already distracted by Mudpuppy. She shook her head in amazement and her grin widened.

     “He’s so pretty. May I…may I touch him?”

Hermann stared at her dumbstruck then looked up at Mudpuppy who was watching the exchange despondently, licking away the last smudge of blood still leaking from his hurt eye. Gottlieb hoped fervently none of the blood had dripped to the ground. The last thing they needed was to expose a local to Kaiju Blue and the small group surrounding them seemed to be growing.

     “ _May… the nice girl touch you Mudpuppy_?”

The Kaiju’s tail wiggled weakly and he made a soft groaning noise.

     “ _..Nice girl touch…like friends._ ”

Hermann hadn’t expected any other answer. No matter how much pain he was in, Mudpuppy was Mudpuppy and he adored people. He nodded to Beth and she clapped excitedly, laying careful fingers on Mudpuppy’s jaw.

     “Oh!...I expected him to be slimy but he’s totally not…He feels kinda like smooth rubber.”

The little crowd of people had been standing at a distance, but when they saw the waitress touch Mudpuppy several stepped cautiously forward. The Kaiju sat through their fondling patiently, making gentle gravelly noises in his throat. If there was a better goodwill ambassador for the Kaiju Hive, Hermann had yet to find them. The scene sat warm in his chest and his jangled nerves began to calm in earnest.

     “Mudpuppy, right?”

He snapped back, looking at the waitress curiously. Some of the other people were talking among themselves as they stroked the Kaiju’s skin experimentally, murmuring in surprise as little cells of skin lit up. She repeated the words looking at him concerned.

     “His name…in your videos you call him Mudpuppy, you and the redheads.”

One of the lumberjacks was laughing now. He pressed a whole hand to the blue skin and pulled it back; leaving a glowing imprint of his hand that lingered before fading away. Some of the others followed his lead and Mudpuppy tried to imitate their laughter, making snorty chuffing noises.

     “You’ve…seen the videos?” She shivered and pulled at her sweater, the smile never leaving her face.

     “Are you kidding me? I can’t believe you were in Aberdeen the entire time. You were RIGHT HERE in my hometown and I didn’t even know!”

The unhappiness in Mudpuppy disappeared the more he was touched and the Hive voices bouncing around Hermann’s skull quieted with him. He let out a relieved sigh and felt Newt do them same miles away. Rubbing at his aching hip, Gottlieb turned back to the waitress.

     “Your button...”

She looked down at it proudly.

     “I made it! I could have bought one online but it would have taken forever to get here. The mail is so shitty and I read that most places that make them take too damn long to ship because they get so many orders it’s probably not even WORTH it. I’m not supposed to wear it at work but damn am I glad I did today. I’ve made a couple for some Loper friends. Mine was the best of the batch.”

He stared at her mystified, unsure what question to ask first.

     “Make them? Lots of people wear them? What is a Loper exactly?”

She shook her head amused.     

     “Oh my gosh! You don’t know? Not even about Lopers? Don’t you even look at the internet at all? I guess they don’t really talk about us on the news so much.”

Hermann shrugged and brushed snow from his hair, pushing his arms inside his coat sleeves. Koosha had never mentioned the Lopers or the buttons. Maybe the Ranger hadn’t known either.

     “No…I use it as sparingly as possible. There’s always the off chance we could be tracked through a wi-fi signal. Caution first. “

Beth rubbed her arms and leaned on Mudpuppy’s foot, careful of his claw-tips.

      “Lopers support you. The name comes from the button, I think. Or maybe there’s more to it, not really sure… It's just always there on your collar when you're talking to the camera. It might have started out as joke but then it became something...more important. There are lots of Lopers. I mean the groups and just…well there are tons of people and I don’t know who started it but we all wear the buttons. Solidarity and all that good stuff.”

Her face was honest and open when she looked back over at Mudpuppy.

     “I mean…The Kaiju were terrible but since you proved the new ones are different…”

Her voice softened and she laid fingers turned pink by the cold on the reflective black surface of Mudpuppy’s nail.

     “That means the war can really be over right? They won’t have to build anymore Jaegers…the rationing will get better. People will travel again or at least …Ummm you got a little…right there.”

She pointed to her nose and Hermann wiped at his own, his coat sleeve coming away bloody.  He sniffed and finally returned her smile.

     “That is what we are trying to do.”

She went quiet and the both of them watched the lumberjacks attempting to measure the size of one of Mudpuppy’s front teeth with outstretched arms. The Kaiju took the poking and prodding good-naturedly, making that soft thrum that was almost a purr in his throat. Beth spoke again, getting to her feet and shaking snow from her waitress’s apron.

     “How about some pancakes…umm, Dr. Gottlieb? Can I call you that?”

There were some laughing shouts from the people around him. Offers to buy him breakfast. Get him coffee…friendly banter. Hermann felt his stomach twist, unsure what to make of it all. Overwhelmed by the unforeseen kindness, inside his head the Hive was singing.     

     “You may...and how can a man turn down free pancakes?”

Beth beamed and held out a hand to help him up. Hermann stood patting Mudpuppy with the sleeve of his coat.

     “ _Mudpuppy better? Eye still hurt bad_? ”

Gottlieb could still feel the annoying sting of the little bullet in his own eye but it was already ebbing. It was like he had gotten a piece of sand there and it had scratched: a painful but manageable nuisance.

     “ _Eye better. People good...good friends._ ”

The waitress handed him his crutch and one of the lumberjacks chuckled, slapping him good-naturedly on the back. Several sets of willing hands guided him across the parking lot. He allowed himself to be escorted back into Castro’s, back to the warm and tacky old restaurant.

“ _They are. They are Lopers…and I hope there are many more of them._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to GeniusBee and Chalchiuhtotolin for both beta-ing this chapter and for always being very supportive <3


	26. This Boy's too Young to be Singing the Blues

   The heavy metal doors slid together with a dull, solid thud. Hermann felt his stomach push up into his chest as the Fortress I elevator started to descend under his feet. He tightened his grip on his cane nervously and tried to push a button on the wall to pick one of the hundreds of floors. None of them lit up at his touch; the elevator had a destination in mind and he had no say in it. The bulky metal cables lowering the elevator car creaked; groaning from stress, age, and rust. Hermann startled at every noise; it felt like the car would pull apart at any moment and he would be hurtling down to a very messy death at the bottom of a three mile drop.

Gottlieb tried to think about something else and turned his attention to the view outside the elevator’s filthy Plexi-glass windows. Floors full of wires passed, thousands of cables and cords that ran the gamut in size and color disappearing into a vague far distance. The world filled with the sound of electric humming and every few minutes there would a bright spark of discharge from exposed wiring. Metal support beams slid slowly past, the bare skeleton of rivets and girders exposed briefly to the golden yellow elevator lights as it continued to descend. Wires and structural beams began to disappear only to be gradually replaced by things Hermann did not expect to see in the deep bowels of Fortress.

Hermann realized with sudden clarity that he was dreaming when his childhood home filed leisurely past the elevator window. It was as if the entire house had been cut open and laid out in squares: A life-sized dollhouse full of real people that didn’t notice the massive corroded elevator squeeze past them on its meandering journey downward. Down past the attic and Bastien’s room then his own under it. He had time to take in his rocket posters and framed diagrams of fighter jets before they passed. Saw his tiny work desk and his immaculately organized bookshelves.

His mother was below his room in the kitchen speaking on the ancient landline phone. She had tears in her eyes and a half-empty glass of wine clutched in her hand. Hermann remembered this…vividly. He had been six at the time and his grandmother had just died. He had seen his mother speaking to a relative and weeping at the kitchen table. Looking at her alone and exposed like this now felt somehow…voyeuristic. He had seen her in a moment of extreme weakness and had never forgotten it. The experience had taught him that adults are vulnerable. They can break down and they don’t always have all the answers.

The house was past him. Hermann traveled through more layers of architecture elements and down into a strange cross-section of dirt and stone. Through the smudged elevator glass, he could see children in a sunny school field. They were playing some game he could take no part in. Gottlieb could see his eight year old self sitting on a nearby rock outcropping, a toy robot clutched absently in one hand. The sky above was startlingly blue and the sun blinded him enough that he had to look away. By the time he looked back the elevator was already moving towards a new floor…a new memory. A warm steady hand took his and Hermann startled, swiveling to see who was there with him in the echoing metal tube. How had he not noticed he wasn’t alone? The space wasn’t that large.

     “ _Small-voice._ ”

Mrs. Melero smiled at him but it was apparent from the glowing blue eyes and soft flickering who was addressing him.

     “Mother!”

The woman smiled and wrapped a gentle hand around Hermann’s back, pulling him into a tight hug. He returned her embrace and let himself be rocked tenderly back and forth. Hermann held her and his brain was wrapped in the intoxicating smell of Mrs. Melero’s perfume. The heady fragrance felt weighty and purple in his mind. It was the same color as the Foxglove Jupiter, the Melero’s Jaeger. Mother’s presence caused an inexplicable synesthesia. Around her Hermann’s memories devolved into colors and smells conjured up unrelated images and sounds. Gottlieb caught a movement out the corner of his eye, watching Mrs. Melero’s dark brown hair turn to Sonia Whateley’s burnished ginger-red. He pulled away reluctantly and let her touch his hair and face; her hands traced his cheekbones, nose and jaw line. Hermann was just happy to see her, to have her close.

     “Mother I…I don’t know where to begin. There’s so much I need to tell you.”

She beamed at him features fluctuating wildly as she tried to stabilize.

     “ _Watch Small-voice and Fast-thinker…Hive watched._ ”

Mother settled back into Mrs. Melero’s body. She seemed to be doing her best to keep Nita as her chosen shape. Every once in awhile a ghosting of some other woman would shadow her face, seeping into the edges of the illusion, but for the most part she kept solidly to the older Ranger’s borrowed form.

     “ _Know...know much…see much through Hive. Through brothers._ ”

She kissed his hand and stared out the elevator windows watching the memories roll past. When Mother spoke Mrs. Melero’s mouth didn’t move. Her voice had changed somewhat from their last meeting in the back of the Fort Tempest supply truck. It was still an amalgamation of all the women she was copying but rising from them was something bigger and more unique. Mother was using all she had learned from each individual to shape something new for herself. Her speech had grown more complex and coherent. She seemed to have more overall control. Hermann felt a twinge of alarm, an ember of heat in his stomach. She was still changing, evolving at a staggering rate.

     “I’m sorry I didn’t...do you know about the meeting? Did you…I know I should have asked your permission first…before saying that I would bring the Hive in front of human beings but it’s really the only way. I-It’s what I thought was best for the Hive...and for you. You said you wanted humans and Kaiju to live together and...”

Mother pressed a patient finger to Hermann’s lips. In the contact he could feel Sonia touching his feverish skin in the RV, Mako patting his shoulder affectionately at the feet of the rebuilt Gipsy Danger.

     “S _hhh Small-voice calm now….Small-voice did SO well…work hard for Hive. My little one…yes. Mother watch and feel. See Twin hurt. See Small-voice fight… feel Hive brother hurt…here._ ”

She gestured to her eye and for the briefest second she was Mako Mori, Karla, then Mrs. Melero again. All three women pointing to three considerably different colored eyes. The smell of lilac turned to the thick fragrance of Jasmine tea and then into something that could have been burning incense. Fleeting half-remembered images, some of which Hermann was sure didn’t belong to him, flashed behind his eyes at random intervals. It was becoming harder to concentrate.

     “ _Must happen…Meeting of humans and Hive_.”

She turned from him to face the elevator window and Hermann followed her gaze. The elevator was hanging in the sky, sinking steadily towards a large city. The city was San Francisco and Trespasser was busily tearing it to pieces. An explosion rocked the world and the Kaiju let out an explosive roar. Fighter jets streaked past its head and the monster reared back snapping like a rabid dog. Hermann recognized every agonizing moment. It was all footage he had seen of the attacks years before, probably gleaned from his and Newt’s collective memories. Mother gasped and gripped his hand tightly looking away as another jet went up in a burst of flames, metal debris raining down from the sky.

     “ _Mother watch over and over…seeing HURTS…How humans forgive Hive?_ ”

She put a hand to her chest mournfully. In Neta Melero’s familiar tear-stained face Hermann could see Mother’s fear. She knew the meeting was necessary but she was afraid for her children, afraid that the precursor’s sins would never be forgiven. In a way she was right. The memory of the Trespasser attack was impossible to watch without feeling something. The carnage inspired anger and fear…sadness. Humanity would never forget that, never absolve it completely.

     “Mother, you aren’t like them. The Hive isn’t like them. That’s why this is important. We have to show them…just like Mudpuppy showed Sonia and the others.”

The scene with Trespasser disappeared above them and the world outside the thick pane of clear plastic went mercifully black. Gottlieb let out a long, slow breath.

     “You can’t stay where you are. You can’t stay in the fissure, in the deep place. The PPDC might not know you’re in there but they do know the Hive travels back and forth from there. You have to find somewhere safer.”

Mother looked at him with Vanessa’s wide, scared eyes. She shivered, searching the interior of the elevator for answers that weren’t there. Vanessa blinked in and out of existence, replaced by a determined looking Sasha Kaidonovsky.

     “ _Mother meet humans…Hive goes…Mother goes._ ”

Hermann shook his head vehemently and his voice was hoarse when he spoke.

     “Mother, no! I-It’s bad enough that some of the brothers could be hurt…but.”

Sasha morphed rapidly to Mako Mori before settling into Nita Melero again. She spoke firmly, as if daring Herman to argue.

     “ _Hive goes…Mother goes_ ”

     “Not all the Hive needs to go, only a few, as a sign of goodwill.”

She offered a small smile and leaned against his shoulder, outside the elevator moved into clear water, carrying them downwards through a jewel blue ocean. The indistinct shapes of fish and Kaiju swam past, illuminated from above by rays of a far-away sun. Mother gave a heaving sigh, speaking slowly, cementing her conviction to herself as much as Hermann.

     “ _Brothers go…children go. I will go._ ”

Hermann knew that arguing with her would do absolutely no good and he could only look down at his feet and push his protests down. His head was swimming and he reflexively touched his nose...kept expecting to find a trickle of blood under his nostrils but there was none.

     “If you go you have to promise me that if things go wrong you will run. You and the Hive. You can’t fight. You CAN’T. If something happens and the world sees you doing anything even remotely violent then….that will be the end. They will use it as an excuse to kill you.”

Mother let go of his hand so she could hold his face. Her eyes searched his and inside his chest Hermann could feel a bubble of shared emotions that threatened to explode. The sensations and memories came faster and more vivid, the bright thing that was Mother filling up his entire being.

     “No more coming to our rescue. No matter how dire things become. Please, promise me, Mother.”

Karla glared at him unhappily, her expression hurt. She moved her head and flashed into his mother, Mrs. Melero.

     “ _You are Hive…you are a Hive brother….Small-voice and Fast-thinker are my children. Mother protects._ ”

Outside the elevator window the Hong Kong lab appeared and Hermann could see Newton and himself working. There was no fighting at the moment. No chucked insults or frenzied screaming. Newton was wearing his headphones and writing out some kind of lab report, an unidentifiable hunk of Kaiju organ at his back. Hermann caught a glimpse of himself standing at his chalkboard. Hand upraised, putting the finishing touches on some fragment of his breach model. The scene was oddly peaceful as it slipped up and away, another floor of their lives gone. Mother made a noise that was almost like a purr. Walking forward she pressed Esther Sendak’s hands to the window, completely enraptured by an average day in his and Newton’s lives. The view of the lab was replaced by more levels of wire, scaffolding, and steel girders. The pressure of an impending headache began to form at the back of Hermann’s brain.

     “Mother…you can’t ignore me about this. Do you promise? When the PPDC finally calls this meeting you have to make sure the Hive listens. If something goes wrong you have to run.”

Mother turned to gaze at him and shifted through her entire repertoire in the space of a second. All the women appeared and disappeared faster than he could follow; Esther, Sasha, Sonia, Neta, Karla, Mako, Vanessa, even Nancy Archer and Honey Parker. He could smell fresh cut lemons and laundry detergent…hear his sister singing. Mrs. Melero leaned up and kissed Hermann lovingly on the cheek just as the elevator finally came to a stop. The metal car settled to the bottom of the elevator shaft with a gentle thud.

     “ _Promise Small-voice._ ”

The elevator doors opened and Hermann’s vision filled with a blinding white light.

     “ _Love you always_.”

 

   Hermann woke up alone. He struggled for a few minutes confused, tangled in a nest of sheets and comforter. His head ached but not in a completely unpleasant way. It felt like the drained sort of throb one experienced after a good long cry. The only light in the room was a tiny lamp on the writing desk Gottlieb didn’t remember leaving on. Either way, he was thankful he hadn’t woken in complete darkness. It was disconcerting to sleep in a room with no windows and he always felt like his internal clock was off synch. Hermann had lain down for just a few moments to take a nap but who knew how long it had lasted. Newton had been in the room when he dozed off…Hermann was sure of it.

     “Newton?”

There was no answer but he felt no stir of fear in the Hive, only a calm sense of purpose in the ghost-drift. Newton had let him get some sleep. Hermann searched grumpily for his pants and pulled on a pair of jeans in need of a good wash. He reached for Howard Whateley’s cell phone. (Which honestly felt like his cell phone at this point.) Pulling it free from its charging station he lit the screen up and saw that he had been asleep for just over three hours. So much for a short nap…it was nearly nine thirty. Hermann rubbed at his face and hoped distractedly that Newton hadn’t gone into some part of the church that was difficult to get to.

In his short time in the church, Newt’s natural curiosity had taken over and he had spent as much time as he could exploring every corner of the abandoned building. He now knew it better than Hermann and the other Rangers ever would have wanted to, even going so far as to sketch out a rough map complete with scribbled notes about what he believed the more mysterious rooms were used for. Newton used the place as a distraction as much as a refuge. He had discovered a room full of empty aquariums in the basement, an intimidating sculpture of Trespasser’s head half-carved into the rock of the cliff in a dusty ante-chamber off the cathedral and an observation deck on the floor of dormitories where the Ranger’s slept.

Hermann headed to the deck now - experience and drift intuition told him it was a safe bet. If Newt wasn’t sticking to Hermann like glue or harassing the Hive he would be looking out over the ocean thinking. Gottlieb shook himself and rolled his shoulders, cracking his neck. Even if Newton wasn’t on the deck, a breath of fresh air sounded good. The dormitory room could get intolerably stuffy and Hermann was struck with a sudden need to see the sky. He pulled on his Ranger’s jacket, ready to face the still-biting cold. The snow had been persistent. Even if April was drawing close it felt like spring would never come.

The dormitory hallway was dim and silent. It was a short distance to the hidden deck entrance but Hermann’s hurt hip and numb leg were growing more cumbersome with each passing day. Newton had taken his turn in the hospital but Gottlieb had been avoiding it. He didn’t want to know how bad the damage was. He could feel it for himself and had come to terms with the fact he would never walk correctly again. If anything he would have to get used to the idea of wheelchairs in his future. It wasn’t something Hermann liked to think about.

The Aberdeen hospital didn’t have the kind of CAT scan machine Newton needed to see if any real damage had been done during his drug-induced coma. A simple x-ray had not shown anything out of the ordinary and that was the best they could do. If Geiszler had suffered any permanent damage they would have to go somewhere bigger to find out. The lapses were getting better, coming less frequently. Hermann thought that maybe they would come out alright…at least in this. Newton’s brain had survived much worse.

Hermann paused in front of an open door near his own and listened to the grating sound of Balor Flood snoring inside. Pushing the door open gently, Hermann looked in. Balor had been more subdued after his return to the church. The melancholy Gottlieb would sometimes catch on his face when he thought no one was looking was now permanent fixture in the old man’s eyes. He had lost some of his spitfire. Even the infamous streams of colorful profanity came with less ferocity. Flood looked small in the huge dormitory bed, out of place. He curled on his side, his flask hanging from limp fingers and dribbling cheap booze all over the rich red fabric of his comforter. Hermann tottered in and pulled the flask out of Balor’s nerveless hand. He turned it over in thin fingers and rubbed at the engraved inscription under the Stag-headed Jaeger. Hermann stopped, thrown by a latch he had not noticed before. Running a thumb over one of the stag’s pointed antlers, he flicked the tiny fastener with a nail. The stag’s head opened like a locket, revealing a picture of woman and a little boy who couldn’t have been older than five.

Hermann traced the little boys face and closed the little silver door softly. Sean Patrick probably would have found a grim humor in being carted around next to his Uncle’s supply of low-quality whiskey. Gottlieb didn’t know him as anything but a ghost, a dream apparition, but he felt sure that Sean Patrick Flood would have appreciated the irony. There was a black humor to be found in the fact Balor’s addictions were all wrapped up in a neat little package of dependence and obsession.Hermann set the flask down on the bedside table and pulled the covers around Balor, giving his shoulder a distracted pat. The drooling, snoring billy-goat of a man snuffled. He muttered something unintelligible before the snoring started again, louder than before. Hermann frowned severely. He fussed with the covers once more then turned, limping back out into the hall and shutting the door to a crack behind him. The empty staring eyes of the Kaiju carvings lining the walls followed Hermann’s progress down the passage. He took a sharp turn down what seemed like a dead end and opened a hidden door built to look like the wall around it. The only clear indication of its existence was an area of worn carpet near its based and scuffed wallpaper at its sides. Newton had found the door completely by accident. During his first exploration into the church he had felt cold air coming down the passage and noticed dim light shining through the crack of the doorframe.After uncovering the door, the deck, and what was probably an alternate escape route for church disciples, Geiszler’s exact quote had been: “That’s some real Scooby-doo shit, dude.” Hermann was inclined to agree.

Mounting the smooth stone stairs behind the secret door, Gottlieb leaned heavily on a curling metal guardrail punched into the passageway’s rock wall. One labored step at a time he made his way up towards the cold ocean air of the observation deck. Tinny whispering voices traveled down to him, difficult to hear above the cries of seagulls and the boom of surf beating against the shore.

     “ _The location announced earlier today…_ ”

Hermann strained to catch the words. It sounded like a radio broadcast…and an important one at that. Emerging into open air, the cold wind ruffled Gottlieb’s hair and knocked the breath from his lungs. The night was clear. Thousands of pin-points of light dotted the night sky, the lack of human-made light marked by the sparkling clarity of the Milky Way. The observation deck was more of a large carved lip of stone that hung just below the top of the cliff the church had been built into. It was circular in shape and had several large sunken stone blocks which held empty fire-pits. He and Newton had speculated it was probably a part of their signaling station. Huge fires could be built on the stone plinths, bonfires so large they could be seen for miles out at sea. Adherents had probably hoped the flickering firelight was enough to guide a wayward Kaiju towards land. Hermann often wondered if every branch of the Breach church, the BuenaKai, was as utterly insane as this one.

     “ _The PPDC has declined to any further interviews with press..._ ”

Hermann turned his head sharply trying to find the source of the voice. Newton sat on one of the deck’s long stone benches, an old radio blaring loudly at his side. He was puttering with a bit of metal equipment and was so engrossed in it and the broadcast he didn’t notice Hermann until his partner sat down next to him with a soft clatter of his crutch.

     “ _It was stated that the city of Aberdeen, Washington is now off limits to all but residents, all travel in and out of the small coastal town..._ ”

Hermann looked from Newton to the radio, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. “Did I miss it? Did they finally announce the meeting?”  
Newt nodded wordlessly, taking his hands away from the chunk of metal and wire he was tinkering with long enough to gesture towards the radio.

     “Shhh…listen.”

     “ _PPDC military personnel have been setting up a quarantine boundary around Aberdeen and the nearby township of Hoquiam but there has so far been no report of Kaiju sightings in the area...this is NPR evening news turning over to finance…_ ”

Newt groaned and reached over to mess with the radio, turning the dial but coming up with nothing but music and static. He left it on a station playing old soft rock and turned the volume down.

     “Shit, Herm…they didn’t give us a lot of details. I haven’t watched the actual announcement for the meeting yet. They did it just a few hours ago, I guess. It’s been all over the news.”

Hermann knotted his hands into firsts to keep them from shaking.

     “Well? What did they say?

Newt looked back down at the metal pieces in his hands, tinkering with them absently.

     “Seattle. In the Magnolia Void.”

Hermann looked away from Newton a moment distracted by a noise he hadn’t noticed before. It was a kind of metal banging that had been drowned out the radio but was now much more apparent.

     “Magnolia Void?...”

     “Yeah. That’s where the Kaiju Banshee made landfall. It took out the whole peninsula where the Magnolia part of Seattle sits…sat…before Romeo managed to kill it. Don’t remember it, huh?”

Hermann tried to recall. There had been so many battles over the years…so many lost places that ended up waste zones like Oblivion bay or the irradiated graveyard that was once Cabo San Lucas.

     “That’s where the Blue was destroyed, Herms. The Gage twins died there.”

Newt stretched his back, twisting his head to pop the vertebrae in his neck. The clanking metallic noise was becoming more noticeable now and Hermann glanced towards the edge of the observatory deck, itching to see what was causing it. He stayed in his place and music floated from the radio, hanging in the frosty air, Elton John belting his heart out from the clunky analog speakers.

     “ _So Goodbye yellow brick road…._ ”

     “Seattle…I can’t believe we did it, Newton. I-I can’t believe this meeting is finally going to happen.”

     “Yeah…I-It’s…its finally official.”

The both sat still lost in their own thoughts, their connection pulling contemplatively between fear and relief. From somewhere below them a growl echoed. It was a Kaiju…Mudpuppy if Gottlieb was pressed to guess. The growling and metallic clangs grew more frequent and Newt finally set whatever he was working on to the side. He stood and helped Hermann to his feet, ambling towards the edge of the observation deck.

     “Check this out.”

There were three Kaiju and one Jaeger on the silvery beach, illuminated sharply by floodlights installed in the side of the cliff. Hermann watched as the Shrike Rapture’s emergency lights flashed, reflecting off the dark ocean. It took slow, meaningful steps towards Mudpuppy, who stood upright on his hind legs. Out of the other two Kaiju, Hermann recognized the Colonel right away. The third Hive-member present was a newcomer, a category 2 so small Hermann was prepared to label it a true cat-1. It was about the size of a six-story building and didn’t seem very intimidating by Kaiju standards. Its face was bovine in nature with a muzzle reminiscent of a sea cow’s…a manatee with many more teeth. The small Kaiju yawned and the pudgy manatee mouth split three ways revealing an upper lip that divided in the same way Otachi’s jaw had unhinged and pulled apart. The Rapture reached out and grabbed Mudpuppy’s front most limbs pulling them taunt against its wide metal chest. The Hive remained calm but Hermann’s stomach flipped in alarm. He glanced at Newton anxiously.

     “What are they doing? Why are Mako and Becket...”

Newt gestured with his head, motioning for Hermann to keep watching.

     “No dude, trust me…they been at it for a couple hours now and it’s awesome.”

The Shrike let go of Mudpuppy slowly, checking the Kaiju’s arms to make sure Mudpuppy kept them in a set position. Hermann realized that’s why the Rangers had grabbed him in the first place; they were putting him into a fighting stance. Taking a booming step back the Rapture flexed its hands to show it was ready. Mudpuppy reared, keeping his limbs in place he swung with his tail slowly. Reluctant to do anything he thought would actually hurt the Shrike. Hermann blinked in disbelief.

     “I don’t…”

With a grind of metal the Shrike blocked Mudpuppy’s tail, deflecting it and bringing down a hand on the exposed part of the Kaiju’s neck. The blow stopped before it hurt but it was clear the Rangers had gotten their point across. Mudpuppy pressed four of its hand-like paws to the arm and pushed gently. The whole process was repeated but this time when Mudpuppy swung his tail he pulled back and avoided the hand to his throat. He was learning. Newt beamed as a feeling of accomplishment suffused the Hive. The Colonel and the Cat-1 both made sounds like a seal barking and Hermann thought it was probably something akin to Kaiju applause.

     “Pretty awesome huh Herm? Kaiju self-defense. It was Becket’s idea. He thinks that teaching them to protect themselves this way they won’t use teeth and claws. It will look better if worse comes worse and they won’t kill Rangers if they can lay em out flat. “

Newt leaned against the edge of the balcony and pressed his head against Hermann’s shoulder.

     “They’ve only been at it a little while and Muddy has already learned how to trip them up three different ways. I think the other two are learning just watching him, from example.”

Hermann could only watch slack-jawed as the Jaeger and the Kaiju continued to spar. The sleek modern design of the Shrike looking oddly out of place with its smooth lines and stark colors: A work of modern art fighting a monster.

     “The meeting is in two weeks. We only have two weeks, dude.”

Hermann put an arm around Newton’s shoulders, watching him worry his fingernails.

     “Well, at least we don’t have to travel very far, Newton. Seattle is close, yes?”

     “Yeah, man, I mean…really close. But we still have to figure out a bunch of crap. Like do we bring the Shrike Rapture? How many Kaiju should go? Should it just be u-…”

Hermann interrupted him, staring out blankly at the ocean.

     “Mother is coming to the meeting…”

Newt sputtered and tried to speak, the connection buzzing as his mouth tried to catch up with his brain. When he finally did respond, it was probably not as articulate as he would have liked.

     “WHAT. NO! Dude, _NO_.”

Hermann hung his head and nodded.

     “I’m afraid so. She was insistent…she can’t stay in the fissure. She’ll need to be…known and accepted just as much as the rest of the Hive.

Newt pulled away and started to pace back and forth anxiety eating at him, running fingertips around the edge of his bad eye. Hermann cast a last look to the beach. Mako and Raleigh helped show Mudpuppy how to do some sort of complicated takedown move. The Kaiju burbled at them and Gottlieb noticed the edges of his lips curling, struggling to form words. He hadn’t been eating enough and his huge body was becoming upsettingly skinny.

     “What was it they said…on the radio before? I caught something about Aberdeen…”

Newt picked up the radio and the mechanical part he had been working to fix.

     “Yeah…the PPDC outed us, Hermann. Told everybody in the announcement they knew we were in Aberdeen so they’re slapping a quarantine around the city limits. Said it was for civilian protection because of the Kaiju but you know it’s to keep a watch on us. They know we’re in town but…I don’t think they know about the church.”

Newt took his partner’s hand and squeezed it distractedly, his body practically shaking apart with nervous energy. Hermann looked up at the sky took in the stars, picking out the shapes of scattered constellations and basking in the brilliance of the north star. He wished he could find something intelligent or comforting to say but those words were in short supply nowadays. Instead he headed towards the stairwell leading down to the dormitories and waited for Newton to follow.

     “They can know about us all they want now. We won’t be here much longer.”

 

   Sonia folded her arms huffily as her brother wheeled her out of the hospital.

     “About time you got me out of there.”

Howard rolled his eyes and pushed her hard through a puddle, splashing cold water over the bottoms of her jeans.

     “OOPS. SORRY. Didn’t see it over the sound of ingratitude”

     “Argh! Howie!”

Sonia started to laugh and Hermann felt a dizzying, heart-stopping relief move through his entire body. He stood quietly next to her on the curb, a hand on her shoulder and she only smiled putting her own on top of it. Newt was pulling the motor home around to pick them up. While it was generally agreed among all of them that his staring fits made driving long distances off-limits, they trusted him enough to bring the trailer around to the hospital loading zone.

Sonia was still terribly weak. Her entire complexion was off, wane and sickly. Despite this, the Whateley twin had been given the ok to leave the hospital. Hermann wondered if this was because she truly was ready to recuperate away from the eyes of nurses or because the military was constantly lurking around the hospital grounds. The press, which had mostly kept to harassing the Aberdeen townsfolk, had not found out where Sonia was yet. It was best they get her to the safety of the Church before that changed. Sonia shivered and spoke in a wheedling voice just oozing with disbelief at the great injustices in the world.

     “You know they took out that chunk of intestine and they didn’t even let me _keep_ it?”

Hermann raised an eyebrow at her and couldn’t help the amused smile from spreading over his face.

      “Oh? Is that so, Miss Whateley?”

Sonia nodded morosely, taking in a deep gulp of fresh air.

     “I asked them to stick it in a jar, would have kept it on the ole fireplace mantle.”

Howard looked very grave as he picked up on their usual banter without missing a beat.

     “Could have named it Squirmy…or Kevin.”

     “Brought the neighbors over to see it.”

     “Kept it so the grandkids could see the old war wound”

Hermann squeezed Sonia’s shoulder fondly, chest full of warm affection as he answered in his best deadpan British voice.

     “You two are insane and I should leave you both here for further mental examination.”

The RV pulled into view, taking the corner a little too fast and braking a little too hard in front of them. Newton jumped out of the driver’s side door and rushed over to hug Sonia gingerly around the neck. She had only seen him in brief visits during the course of her three week stint in the hospital and Hermann was sure she probably barely remembered them. She had been in and out of consciousness during most of it, only regaining any noticeable semblance of her old self within the last week. Now she was embracing the man who she had almost died to save. Squeezing tight as she could, the Whateley twin’s eyes pricked with tears.

     “Hey, dumbass. You look pretty good for being so damn ugly.”

Howard tsked at a dent in the side of the old camper Hermann was sure had not been there when they had given Newt the keys. The Whateley patted the motor home fondly, shaking his head.

     “I’ve become way too attached to this shitty old thing.”

Hermann arduously mounted the trailer steps as Newt and Sonia broke apart. The twin sniffled, allowing her brother and Newt to help her up out of the wheelchair and take slow half-steps to where Hermann was waiting at the top of the stairs.

     “It’s become a member of our stupid dysfunctional family.”

     “Just like Balor and Mudpuppy.”

     “That’s not fair you can’t put Mudpuppy in the same class as Balor, Howie. Mud’s smarter and he smells better.”

Howard looked oddly put off and lifted his sister over the last of the trailer steps.

     “Balor’s not all that terrible. I mean...He camped out with me in the hospital even when he wasn’t feeling top notch.”

Sonia settled back on the trailer couch eyes narrowed.

     “You’re pulling my leg. Come on, man, he’s a bridge troll.”

She looked at Hermann for confirmation. He just frowned wrapping her in a blanket and tucking in the edges.

     “Balor was worried. The only reason he isn’t here with us to pick you up is because he…He hasn’t been feeling very well.

Sonia snorted.

     “So he’s passed out drunk.”

Howard looked up sharply from the driver’s seat and used a voice Hermann had never heard before, his tone sharp.

     “Sonia _Lavinia_ Whateley, stop being such a _BITCH_.”

The twins glared at each other and Sonia finally lowered her head.

     “Sorry…Just feeling out of sorts…you know sans intestine and all.”

Newton gave Hermann a look from the passenger seat that said “should we intervene?” Hermann shook his head and settled into one of the dining room table booth seats, face impassive. Howard narrowed his eyes a minute more then sighed and started up the RV’s engine. It clunked as he turned the key, the windshield wipers sloshing to life.

     “That’s ok...I guess I’ll accept your lame apology.”

She looked up with a sheepish smile.

     “You have to. Brother-Sister law demands it”

The twins broke into chatter again and Newt let out a quiet sigh of relief.

   Aberdeen flew past the window and Hermann peered out the RV curtains cautiously. It was late afternoon and the sky was slate grey, threatening more snow. The streets were mostly empty aside from the odd policeman. They patrolled in out-dated hybrid police cars and on horseback. There was no sign of the military but they were inside the city center and all outsiders were supposed to keep to the outskirts of town.

Newt piped up and gestured out Howard’s window, his voice unnaturally chipper.

     “You have to stop by the food ration station, right? To get groceries? I need to go by whatever passes for a hardware store here.”

Hermann scowled at his partner and the connection between them burned with disapproval.

     “Is that really necessary? Is this part of that same mechanical project I’ve seen you fiddling with lately? We should get back as quickly as possible and not linger…”

Howard shrugged good-naturedly and turned off into a side street towards the ration station Balor had been visiting regularly. It was the first time anyone besides Flood had gone out for supplies and it made Gottlieb nervous.

     “Aww come on, Doc. Look! There’s a pawn shop right down the street from where we’re going. Would that have what you need, Newt?”

Geiszler nodded excitedly.

     “Yeah! Totally! I bet I could find the parts I need, too…”

Hermann felt flustered, he looked from Sonia prone on the sofa then back to Newt.

     “What are you working on that’s so important? Is it _really_   worth it?”

Newt flushed red and his mouth skewed unhappily.

     “Look Hermann we gotta have some fun or we…”

     “Fun?! Are you seriously just going to risk our cover for something…”

     “Yeah, I said fun! You remember what that is?? Oh wait I bet you don’t…”

Howard honked the camper’s horn and everyone gave a collective jump.

     “Stop bickering! Hermann, I don’t think there’s anyone around. I’ll be careful coming back so we aren’t followed, alright? Newt, come on you can help me with the food and we’ll get what you need. In, out, and home ok? ”

Hermann felt the anger in the drift fizzle and hung his head embarrassed. He hadn’t fought with Newton in... Well, he couldn’t remember the last time they had fought like that, they were all on edge. Newt gave him a last look that was slightly hurt then piled out of the passenger side door, slamming it behind him. Howard left the key in the ignition, letting the engine idle so the motor home would say warm. He opened his own door and jumped to the ground calling over his shoulder.

     “Doc, you and Sonia sit tight. We’ll be right back”

Hermann gave a half-hearted wave and caught Sonia’s eye. She shrugged tiredly and gave a heaving melodramatic sigh.

     “Damn dysfunctional families.”

 

Hermann spent the next half hour bringing Sonia up to speed on the meeting with the PPDC, the rescue, and his father. She had the gist of it from hospital visits but was fuzzy on the details. Snow had begun to fall outside the window as dusk gradually settled over Aberdeen.

     “I can’t believe your dad shot Mudpuppy in the eye…what an assho-I mean…no offense. He’s your dad and all.”

Hermann just nodded trying to find something appropriately nasty to call his father when something outside the front windshield caught his attention. Sonia halted midway through a sentence when she noticed him staring. She tried to follow his gaze but it was impossible for her to see anything past the back of the driver’s seat from her position on the couch.

      “What’s wrong, doc?”

Gottlieb squinted through the falling snow and tried to get a good lock on the milling figures that rushed out of a blocky dilapidated building down the street. There was angry shouting and the body language of the people involved all spoke to one thing.

     “It looks like some sort of fight.”

A huge figure, a man by the look of it, loomed out of the center of the group. With a loud screech he lunged at one of the people surrounding him, trying to tackle them. He missed by several inches, plowing into the snow covered sidewalk instead. By the unsteady way he moved, Hermann was willing to bet he was drunk. Studying the side of the building the group had come out of, Gottlieb spotted a bright blue electric sign that read “Romeo Brew’s” Hermann didn’t know which to do first: roll his eyes at the pun or gag.

     “I think they’re coming out of a bar.”

Sonia perked and tried to sit up.

     “How many are there?”

Hermann pressed closer to the glass attempting to see through the glare of snow and the dark stormy half-light. The fight was migrating closer. Several of the participants were ganging up on the biggest man at once, taunting him. The man struggled to find his feet and finally managed to stand after two unsuccessful tries. He took a swing and landed a lucky punch to the man closest; probably not the man he had originally been aiming to hit but at least it was something.

     “Looks like six against one…”

Sonia let out her loudest most exasperated sigh.

     “God, if I wasn’t laid up I would be in the middle of that so fast. I’m restless as hell! Just give me an excuse to punch something!”

Hermann raised an eyebrow at her critically and shook his head before turning back to the fight. The voices were so close and so loud he began to catch hints of what was being said. Among the shouting angry voices of what he assumed were Aberdeen locals, Hermann caught the barest hints of what the man in the center was saying. At first he wasn’t sure if he was really hearing an accent or if the man was just so intoxicated he was slurring to the point of speaking another language.

     “Embrasse mon tcheue! Come en at me den! Het mah!”

Hermann wiped condensation from the glass and pressed an ear closer. He was sure he had heard that voice somewhere before. The biggest of the local drinkers charged. He and the incoherent drunk went down to the ground wrestling violently. They rolled into the street in front of the RV, the bigger man getting the worst of it while the mob cheered their friend on. Hermann shook his head and looked around to see if there was anyone around who could intervene. The street was empty. The police were probably out dealing with press and other riff-raff trying to worm its way over the PPDC boundary line.

Hermann reached over to lock the driver’s side door but stopped his hand halfway to the button. One of the people surrounding the two men wrestling on the ground pulled a hunting knife from his belt. The knife flashed with cold white light and it looked like the owner had every intention to use it. Instinctually, Hermann pushed the driver’s side door open. That was enough. Dropping out into the cold, Gottlieb reached mentally for Newt in the same moment he called over his shoulder.

     “Sonia, don’t MOVE… I’m quite serious! You stay where you are!”

There was no time to deal with his crutch; Gottlieb braced himself against the front of the RV, limping towards the fight.

     “Stop! Everyone STOP!”

The mob went immediately silent. They looked up at in surprise at the skinny man in the oversized coat who had seemingly materialized from nowhere. Hermann panted and looked pointedly at the person who had pulled the knife, a scruffy young-man in a bright orange safety vest. With his free hand Gottlieb gestured from the heavy serrated knife to the two men still grappling at his feet.

     “Put that away and separate them! Do it right now or I’ll call the police!”

Newton was coming. He could feel the alarm in the back of his brain. He had done his best to push through a feeling of urgency in the connection while trying to subdue his own fear. There was no need to scare Geiszler or rile up the Hive. The group from the bar all stared at him and he could sense the tide turning somewhat. They were tipsy but not plastered. They were acting like a bunch of kids caught in the midst of doing something they knew was wrong. Orange-vest pushed the hunting knife back in its sheath at his side and mumbled an excuse.

     “This Fucker…broke our jukebox.”

Three of the bar patrons pulled their friend and the bigger man apart. Hermann drew closer, unable to leave the front of the RV that was supporting him. He inhaled sharply when he caught sight of what the man was wearing.

     “You’re a Ranger…you...”

The tattered leather Ranger’s Jacket was instantly recognizable. On one torn shoulder the emblem of the Squall Damascus was painstakingly sewn into the leather. Even through the split lip and broken nose, Hermann knew immediately who he was looking at. Catfish Harpe grinned at Hermann through a mask of blood his eye beginning to swell. The pilot spit a mouthful of dark blood on the white snow and grinned.

     “Said I was sorry.”

Newt ran up behind Hermann gasping for breath. He touched his partner’s arm and gave his entire body a once over as he puffed little clouds of white air.

     “Hermann, what happened we…Oh shit.”

Howard stood on Hermann’s opposite side and stared stupefied as Micajah found his wobbly balance, swaying back and forth on long shaky legs. One of the men from the bar stared at Hermann and Newt critically. When he spoke his voice was tinged with anger.

     “You’re those two Rangers, the two who talk to the Kaiju. Aren’t you? You’re why we got a damn mess of reporters out here, the reason this place is swarming with soldiers!”

One of the speaker’s friends picked up where he left off. Taking a step towards Hermann and Newt threateningly, his shoulders squared and teeth bared.

     “You Kaiju loving sons of bitches. How are we supposed to hunt when the woods are crawling with…”  
  
The oldest man in the group, a grizzled individual with a prominent beer belly and a tattered trucker’s hat put a hand on the speakers shoulder.

     “Don’t you take it out on them Dave. Ain’t their fault…they’re just trying to make things better.”

Howard moved protectively in front of Hermann and Newt pushing them back towards the RV nervously.

     “Yeah umm…sorry about that we’ll just…”

Catfish staggered forward and looped a sloppy arm around Hermann’s neck breathing the smell of hard liquor into his face. Hermann pulled back in alarm and as he did he noticed that Catfish’s left eye, the one that was rapidly swelling shut, was a blind white marble. There were unhealed scratches on his face that hadn’t come from this fight. Lacerations stood out everywhere on the young man’s skin, many of them still in the process of healing.

     “I ben…looking round bout everywhere fer you…”

Hermann glanced sideways at Newt. He was surprised by the honesty in Harpe’s voice. The Ranger seemed genuinely happy to see them. Micajah hiccuped forlornly. He had lost a lot of weight since they had been stationed together in Fort Tempest. He was pale and lacked that cocky self-serving attitude that had been so apparent before. He looked hunched and lost, a shell of his former self.

Harpe’s grip on Gottlieb’s jacket was too tight and Hermann struggled to keep his feet wincing as the extra weight put strain on his leg and hip. Newt pulled Harpe away with a snarl and Howard grabbed at Catfish as he threatened to fall back to the snow. Turning to the milling crowd of locals, Hermann offered a placating smile hands up. There was a crudely made Jackelope button on the collar of the older man who had come to their defense. Hermann noticed it and knew he had at least one friend here. He spoke to the pin-owner directly in a pleading voice.

     “We’ll take him with us. I promise we’ll try to speak to the PPDC about the boundary lines and the media. We honestly never intended for all this…this…”

He searched for a word and Newton pressed closer to him, speaking over his shoulder.

     “Clusterfuck.”

Hermann frowned at his partner shooting a definite feeling of not helpful through their connection.

     “This… _mess_. We did not know that the PPDC would tell the press our whereabouts and we are sincerely sorry that your lives have been interrupted because of us.”

Howard was trying, with little success, to herd Micajah back to the RV. The Ranger kept swinging his arms and trying to turn and start a conversation with Newt and Hermann. His balance was shot and his face was oozing blood. The older gentleman offered a callused hand and Newt reached out to take it shaking it eagerly.

     “Thank you for the courtesy. I know Aberdeen would appreciate it. You boys have a nice night. Get your friend something to eat….and a bath. Boy smells to high heaven and looks like he needs a hot meal.”

Nodding to his friends and flashing the button on his lapel once more the older gentleman turned back to the bar. His small posse followed reluctantly. The last one to walk back spit at Hermann’s feet and snorted before he was lost in the snowy gloom. Newt squeezed an arm around Hermann’s waist and moved him back to the RV.

     “Herm, what the hell…All you needed to do was stay in the camper man. Why was that so hard? I was going to get like two things…”

Hermann shrugged and let Newt help him navigate the stairs. Sonia’s voice screeched painfully through his head as he sat back down at the dining table.

     “What the FUCK is _Catfish Harpe_ doing here?!” Newt leaned down to where Sonia was propped and put a reassuring arm around her. “Yeah yeah we talked about stress right? Stress and after-surgery and stitches and blood pressure…take a deep breath and forget the insane Cajun is here for a minute, ok?”

Howard dumped the drunken Ranger in the bed at the back of the camper. Already, Micajah was on the verge of passing out and Howard didn’t have to work too hard to convince him to lie still. Hermann closed his eyes whispering tiredly to both himself and to Sonia and Newt.

     “Let’s just go home before anything worse happens.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to GeniusBee and Chalchiuhtotolin for being beta champions.


	27. You'll Never Walk Alone

   Micajah Harpe stuffed another piece of stale bread in his mouth, eyes closing slowly as he savored it. The Ranger gave a soft appreciative groan and lifted his soup bowl to his lips, slurping the thin potato broth hungrily. The low light of the church dining room hid most of the cuts and scrapes that covered his face but did nothing to disguise the dead, white-blue cataract of his damaged eye.

Mako watched him sharply from a distance, her arms folded rigid against her chest. Raleigh paced back and forth just behind Harpe, his ramrod posture making it perfectly clear he was ready to take Catfish down if the man put one toe out of line.

Howard puttered absently around the kitchen trying to stay busy and avoid looking at Catfish completely. He piled food on a plate, making a dinner tray for his sister and Balor. Flood had volunteered to take the first shift watching over Sonia once they settled her back in her room. Perhaps it was merely a way to stay out of the Harpe business as much as possible but Hermann wondered if he wasn’t just glad the Whateley twin was back in their care.

Hermann sat quietly across from Micajah, Newt occupying the chair at his side as he studied the Cajun carefully. He had grown so thin the lines of his collarbones and the curve of his skull were gaunt and visible under paper-thin skin. Catfish had become scraggly…sick. He looked like a stray dog, like he had gone through some severe trauma and had done little to care for himself afterward.

On the lapel of his threadbare Ranger’s jacket sat not one but _four_ individual versions of the Jackelope button. No. Not just a Jackelope button anymore. A Loper button. It was much more significant than the imaginary animals and corny wordplay now. Micajah’s pins were all hand-made and each was unique. The smallest was drawn with pen and colored with crayon while the largest was so perfectly replicated it could have easily passed as the original. One had the Idaho State flag printed at the bottom and the last and strangest of the cluster had subtly made the two hugging Jackelopes more Kaiju like in appearance, each sporting several extra eyes and glowing tentacles along with the usual floppy ears and pointy antlers.

Looking around at his companions, Hermann noted the mixture of distrust and fear in their faces. Newton laid a jittery hand on his back, his emotions in the drift fluctuating dramatically between shades of curious gold and fearful grey. Hermann sighed heavily, lacing his fingers together as he organized his thoughts. He was going to have to speak first.

     “So…Catfi….Micajah? You said you were looking for us...did you come to Aberdeen when the PPDC announced the quarantine? ”

Catfish swallowed the bite of bread in his mouth and washed it down with some cold instant coffee before he answered, the words spewing out with a wave of spit and soggy crumbs.

     “I came HERE den but I been looking long ‘fore tha PPDC announced anything. Followed your trail ta Salt Lake City. Lost ya dere til the PPDC ‘nounced tha quarantine and tha Kaiju bein’ here.”

Howard snorted loudly from where he sat on a kitchen counter. He was slowly peeling the shell from a boiled egg and trying much too hard to seem disinterested in what was going on.

     “Oh yeah? How’d you track us all the way to Salt Lake, Daniel Boone?”

Catfish shrugged pushing his long shaggy hair tiredly from his face, massaging the purple bruising around his injured eye. Hermann couldn’t help but stare at it whenever he didn’t think Catfish would notice. The milky white color reminded him somewhat poetically of a full moon.

     “I realized tha Balor traded tha ole PPDC Patrack for a vehicle ta geh outta Tempest yeah? So I go through an find out who trade an what he trade eh for. I gah connections all over Hurricane tha the PPDC don even know bout. Din take too long. Soon I find out not just tha it’s a Motorhome buh what de plates look like. Gah a good description of da demn thing. Before I go I hear bout some trouble with the smuggling connection in Salt Lake. Somebody trying to sell parts of a new Jaeger. New parts…deh nothing buh trouble, anybody in tha trade knows that. So whose tryng to sell em ? I hear you took part ah the Siren, put two an two together. So I run outta Tempest and hitch up to Salt Lake.”

Harpe motioned to Hermann with a stiff wave of his hand as he spoke. He was missing his pinky and ring fingers on the hand he was gesturing with, the left side, the same as his ruined eye. The raw stumps were still wrapped with strips of dirty bandage which Gottlieb hadn’t even noticed. The Squall’s final battle must have been a brutal one.

     “I watched deh internet vidyas when I ken...know yer by da ocean. You gotta go from Utah to somewhere…I just go,..start walking. Gettin’ rides every now ‘gain. Wandering round everyplace trying to find ya. Go down into California…think bout Canada buh then I hear bout Aberdeen so…Aberdeen I go.”

Mako frowned severely. She looked from Harpe’s pale face to the buttons on his lapel to his damaged hand trying to size him up, figure him out.

     “Very good then. You are quite the detective Ranger Harpe. This does not tell us why you are here however. Why did you seek out Dr. Gottlieb and Dr. Geiszler in the first place?”

Her voice was clipped and business like. The “ _don’t fuck with me_ ” voice Hermann had heard Mori use on people she had no patience for…or just disliked. Newton leaned back in his chair, balancing his weight on the back legs and rocking back and forth nervously. The drift was full to bursting with curiosity now, there was no room left for fear and when he did speak, Newton blurted out only a quarter of what he really wanted to ask, trying hard to push the rest of his questions down.

     “Yeah and like not just that but…What happened with the Damascus? Why did you leave the PPDC? Did they know? Are you a fugitive? Why do you know so much about the smuggling??”

Harpe winced at the barrage of questions, the weight of them visibly pressing down on his slumped shoulders and he took a sip of coffee in what looked like an attempt to stall for time.

     “Look I understand you don wanna trust me. Maudit! I wouldn trust me neither. I been a bastard an I know eh. Mais…l-lemme jus start wit Doc Geiszler’s quiz now…an den maybe eh help answer yer question Miss Mori.”

The Ranger rubbed at the unshaven stubble around his jaw nervously as if considering which of Newton’s questions to answer first.

     “I was in… a lot ah bad shit in Tempest. Part a da smuggling, selling drugs… so on. Conduct most unbecoming a Ranger heh. Buh tha PPDC look de other way cause I know all bout the parts going back an forth an tha money changing hands.”

The room had gone silent. Hermann noticed Raleigh running his fingers distractedly over the edge of the table, eyes cast to the floor but head turned slightly so his ear was towards Harpe, listening with his whole body.

     “Damascus ain’t gone cause a tha border war. S’gone cause a some smuggling dispute. Somebody on the other side of de fence didn geh the drugs they wanted…or maybe was guns, weapons…not right sure. Just know tha two UIS Jaegers attacked us at once over eh. Coulda been vengeance or jus a warning shot. Show ah power. The smugglins a big bidness for both the military an tha country. The people running eh gah control of the UIS border Jaegers…an they use em...Merde if the ever use em.”

Harpe stopped and his face skewed painfully. He punched the tabletop hard with the knuckles of his wounded hand and gave a muffled howl of rage. The bowl in front of him shifted and tipped over, rolling off the table and spilling the last of its contents across the floor. No one moved to pick it up.

     “Wiley…he dead cause ah me. He knew all bout what I was doin! Knew all bout the smuggling an he never say a word! Nah a damn WORD, always turning tha other way cause I famille. I-I Ioved em an…he hated me.”

Micajah ran his hand violently through his hair ripping at it and while Hermann still did not like or trust Catfish, he couldn’t help but feel a jagged pang of sympathy. There in that moment the Ranger’s grief and guilt were palpable. Like a living thing. If he was putting on an act it was a damn good one.

     “I’m here cause I’m chock fulla sin an I gahta atone for eh…make amends for what I done.”

Micajah looked up at Hermann and Newt, the blank cloudy surface of his dead eye scanning over them sightlessly. He ran fingers over the buttons on the front of his jacket and lingered over the most poorly drawn of them.

     “Wiley believed in ya. Told me tha it was all gonna change an I laughed em off. Don know if I’m a fugitive or nah…I just know I ad to do something to start paying off the debt on mah soul so I left without looking back and the PPDC didn seem to kick up much fuss..too distracted by you eh? Mah lil brotha…my Podna was a good man an he died for no dem reason. He would ave wanted to be here helping you so…so that’s where I knew ta go...start paying my p-penance.”

He stuttered and stopped speaking, taking an uneasy sip from his nearly empty coffee cup. The group watched him silently to see if he would say more but it was clear he either had no more to add or could not bring himself to say more. Raleigh finally looked up and took a step forward.

     “I believe you Micajah and I think you should be allowed to stay.”

Harpe cowered, glancing back at Becket in surprise. Hermann met Raleigh’s gaze and nodded, he trusted Becket’s judgment implicitly. Ever since their first talk in room full of shrines, he had felt the Raleigh had a deeper understanding of people then he could ever have. And like Micajah…he too had lost a brother. If Becket felt that Harpe was really repentant and willing to help their cause, Gottlieb saw no reason why he should argue; even if he himself wasn’t entirely sure of the man’s sincerity.     

     “Then I do as well.”

Mako made a soft disapproving noise and Howard rapped a fork irritably against the a countertop, his voice stiff as he spoke.

     “So we trust him now? The shittiest Ranger to ever get spit out of the Academy and we are supposed to just accept his sob story? Fuck that--I don’t care how many eyeballs he loses…he can go atone somewhere else.”

Mako nodded in agreement and Hermann was amazed to see that she didn’t agree with Raleigh. He had never seen that happen before. Usually the two of them were always on the same page…or at least in the same book.

     “I agree with Howard. I feel uncomfortable with Harpe and his intentions. He has never treated me with anything close to respect and I don’t see how the death of his brother would make the tiger change his stripes.”

Raleigh looked at his partner pleadingly.

     “People change Mako…people can always change.”

Hermann held up a hand and looked to Newton. The bond between them trembled slightly as Newt realized he was going to be the tie-breaker. Anxiety drew the connection tight between them and every tiny vibration of emotion pulsed through Hermann’s body.

     “Newton...do you think Micajah should be allowed to stay with us?

Geiszler picked at a stray thread on the sleeve of his jacket nervously. He clenched and unclenched his hands, biting at his thumbnail and squinting deliberately up at Harpe, studying him.

     “I haven’t forgotten that you clocked me in the face, dude. You’re a royal douche to just about everybody…but me and Herm kinda owe your brother a favor. Wiley was a stand-up guy. So I-I think…”

Newt glanced guiltily at Mako.

     “…I think we should give him a chance.”

Mori nodded, her expression blank and impossible to read.

     “Very well…I am in the minority on this so I will respect your decision…”

She paused head swiveling Harpe’s direction. Catfish wouldn’t meet her gaze; his face turned down in what appeared to be genuine shame.

     “But I refuse to tolerate him if he misbehaves.”

Walking over to Mako, Raleigh reached out an arm to hug his partner’s shoulders, bumping their foreheads together and murmuring something Hermann didn’t catch. Catfish mumbled gratefully bowing his head to them one at a time, voice hushed.

     “I…won make ya regret. I promise.”

Mako frowned and didn’t give him the courtesy of a reply. Hermann heard her whisper something to Raleigh in Japanese then she walked out the main door that lead to the dormitories. Howard sniffed and followed her, his arms full of food. He called over his shoulder halfway out into the dimly lit hall.

     “You make us regret it, we’ll make YOU regret it.”

 

Three days before they were expected in Seattle, Newton announced loudly at breakfast that everyone was to meet on the beach at sunset for some sort of vague, unnamed event. Using found church stationary, he had even gone to the trouble of creating invitations with a time and a suggested “bring your own snack” written in his chaotic, nearly unintelligible handwriting. With Howard’s help, Newt made a long stretch of sofa-like seats down the length of the beach, searching the entirety of the church for pillows and stripping comforters off beds to create a cozy place for everyone to sit. Hermann had to admit he was impressed. He knew from the eager shadowy impressions in the drift that his partner was up to something but he had not expected it to be so well-planned or elaborate. That really wasn’t Newton’s style.

There wasn't a cloud in the sky when Hermann took the elevator down to watch the sun sink below the horizon. The twins came with him, Howard helping his sister walk. She let him and despite constant complaints about being treated like she was made of glass, it was clear she still needed the extra support.

The weather was still unseasonably cold, but the wind had calmed and there wasn’t a snowflake in sight. The cushiony seating area was shielded snugly from the elements and was surrounded on all sides by the massive bulk of three reclining Kaiju. The newly arrived catagory-2 looked around eagerly, its pudgy face splitting open and shutting again as it clicked its teeth in excitement. The Colonel lay behind the smaller Kaiju and yawned wide, the bright blue interior of his mouth vivid against the darkening sky. Mudpuppy held a place of honor, his head right next to the blankets where the humans would sit.

Sonia had only been able to visit Mudpuppy in brief spurts since her release from the hospital. As soon as he could see her, the Kaiju gave a high-pitched call, wiggling excitedly. Sonia beamed up at him waving a hand in greeting.

     “Just hold your horses Muddy! I’m coming! Don’t crush us ok?”

As soon as her brother had propped her up on a pile of pillows, Sonia whistled and held up her arms. Mudpuppy bugled joyfully, leaning down towards her, the very edge of his snout brushing her cheek and forehead. The Whateley twin stroked his stubby nose and they sat together quietly that way for a long time. Mudpuppy made low clicking noises in the back of his cavernous throat and a low thrumming purr buzzed through his nostrils as the Kaiju closed all six eyes in bliss. Sonia kissed Mudpuppy on the nose and whispered to him softly. Wherever she touched him, spots of pebbled luminous skin burst to life. Hermann wondered if Mudpuppy could even hear her but it didn’t seem to matter. He understood what she was trying to say.

Howard dug a sand pit so they could have a bonfire. Dragging sticks of driftwood into the shallow crater. He looked up surprised when the Rapture appeared down the beach. It materialized ghostlike from the trees, walking slowly towards the gathering of humans and Kaiju.

     “Well why do we need…Huh. I can’t wait to see whatever the hell it is Newt up to.”

Hermann settled down into the pile of pillows and blankets with a huff of air and lay back to watch the stars come out. He smiled letting his crutch drop to the ground with a dull plop.

     “…Newton rarely knows what he is doing but his heart is usually in the right place.”

After several tries Howard managed to set fire to the damp driftwood and the air grew thick with heat and smoke. Balor plodded towards them, his face illuminated by the orange light. He looked up at the figure of the Rapture now standing motionless near the waterline and eyed the Kaiju warily. Hermann realized this was the first time he had ever seen them interact face to face. Throwing down a cooler, Balor found a place next to the twins, doing his best to stubbornly ignore the megaliths at his back.

     “Catfish ain’t coming. Says eh ain’ ready fer Kaiju an frankly…err.”

Flood shivered involuntarily when Mudpuppy pulled away from Sonia, settling his colossal head comfortably on his forefeet.

     “I…don blame em.”

Howard put his hands behind his head and watched the fire shoot embers up into the dark.

     “Yeah well I’m not gonna shed too many tears that he isn’t here.”

There was a sound of puffing and Hermann felt Newt before he saw him. The Rapture’s gigantic headlamp snapped on, sending Kaiju shadows dancing up the side of the cliff face. The Kaiju themselves blinked against the sudden brightness, complaining with loud disgruntled growls. Struggling to catch his breath, Newton took a long slow bow before the assembly, using the brilliance of the Raptures headlamp as a spotlight.

     “Ladies and Gentleman and…err..Kaiju. I’m glad you could all make it to my super secret surprise…thing.”

Balor snorted rolling his eyes and bellowing impatiently at Newton.

     “Yeh gonna do some stand-up comedy Inkstain? Do a bit a soft-shoe? Geh on with eh!“

The twins took up the heckling, voices echoing one another in quick succession.

     “I see the dummy but where’s the ventriloquist?”

     “Is this a strip show or not? Take off your pants!” “Either get naked or do a magic trick! “

     “NO! DO BOTH!”

Newt pushed his glasses up his nose unimpressed and Hermann had to cover his mouth slightly to hide the smile forming there.

     “Thank you, Statler and Waldorf…You want a magic show you little shits...I’ll give you a goddamn magic show...”

Hermann watched his partner duck out of the spotlight and pull something from his pocket. It looked like a little remote control. Examining the buttons on the bar of black plastic, Newt nodded and waved an arm at the Shrike. At his signal the headlamp went out and the only light on the night beach came from the small fire and the glowing skin of the Kaiju who had been watching the whole ordeal with patient curiosity.

Flopping down beside Hermann, Newt squinted at the remote and punched the button he had apparently been searching for.

A white ray of soft, fluctuating light streamed from the Rapture’s head and the side of the cliff under the church burst to life. A tinny strain of orchestral music swelled from chest-mounted speakers Hermann did not know the Shrike possessed, filling the salty sweet air. The Kaiju looked about in alarm making loud confused snarls and the little cat-1 actually stood on its haunches like a prairie dog, frantically searching about for the source of the noise. Hermann reached out to them and felt a tickle in the back of his skull that meant Newton was doing the same.

     “ _Its just music it’s alright…_ ”

On the cliff the words “Walt Disney Presents” appeared with the music and slow credits crawled by, half obscured by the cat-1’s head blocking the projector. Sonia laughed and looked over her shoulder at the Kaiju’s bewildered expression. She waved trying to get the cat-1’s attention then screamed at him, cupping hands around her mouth.

     “Hey! Down in front!”

The manatee like face split and gurgled before the Kaiju dropped down with a beach shaking thud, curling its paws under its body. Hermann was sure he and Newton had told the Hive about movies, it had been part of the lesson about reality and fantasy when they had given an extended talk about imagination. They had used movies as a way to explain the abstract idea of creating things that did not really exist. The Hive had understood the concepts swiftly enough and Dream Theater had essentially been the Kaiju’s version of a Saturday matinee. Hermann pressed close to Newt’s body pulling a blanket around them to trap some warmth.

     “How did you do this? How did you even rig the projector up?”

Newt pulled his knees up to his chest as Snow White sang to a flock of white doves and the movie officially started.

     “Well I have to admit Mako helped me a lot. She even helped me get it set up in the Rapture. I hooked up my laptop to this bulky old projector. Found it in that storage room full of sound equipment near the hall that goes down to the elevator. Hell, found all kinds of crap stashed in there…even pyrotechnic stuff. I think the church used to have sermons out here on the beach. Trying to impress the rubes or the Kaiju Gods or something. I thought it would be cool to rig it up and use it…I mean look.”

Newt looked over his shoulder with a satisfied smile. All three of the Kaiju were staring at the movie flickering across the side of the rocky cliff. Their enormous reptilian faces completely enraptured, stuck on every note of trilling music. As the animated heroine sang the glowing frills at the base of Mudpuppy’s skull extended, undulating softly in time with the song. Chattering quietly to himself, the Colonel clicked his tusks against his claws appreciatively when Prince Charming appeared on his white horse.

Hermann spotted Mako and Raleigh sitting on the long curved length of the Rapture’s armored shoulder, watching with the rest of the group. They leaned against one another, heads pressed close. The moon rose half full behind them and showed the outlines of their bodies in sharp relief as sound trickled from the base of the Shrike Rapture’s ribcage, reverberating towards the stars.

     “Alright, Newton. I must concede…You had a good idea.”

The twins and even Balor became engrossed in the movie. The huntsman approached Snow White with raised dagger and the Kaiju growled a warning, reacting to the events onscreen with grunts and whistles. Sonia laughed shaking a fist at the cliff-face.

     “Yeah! Booo! Hisss!”

Gottlieb watched the movie distractedly as the Hive mumbled and buzzed inside his head. It took him a while to realize Newt was watching him, the projector light dancing over his damaged face.

     “Why Snow White, Newton?”

     “Err, well, it was one of the only Disney movies where a giant dragon or monster doesn’t get killed at some point. You would be surprised how often that happens and I didn’t wanna upset the Kaijummm…”

Hermann leaned in and mashed his lips hard against Newt's, cutting him off. Their chests pressed close and frantic waves of love and affection passing between them as the world echoed with the strains of Snow Whites tittering voice. He sank long fingers into Geiszler’s wild hair, knocking his glasses askew and the world behind his eyes blistered a hot lusty pink before he pulled away reluctantly. Newt whispered into his ear, his hands pushing up the back of his shirt under the blanket.

     “Mmm…yeah that’s what I’m talking about..little bit of movie necking…”

A low growl echoed behind them and warm air blew into Hermann’s face huffily. Mudpuppy pulled his upper lip away from his teeth and growled low.

      “ _Feelings too LOUD…Trying to watch The White one now! QUIET._ ”

They untangled themselves hurriedly, Hermann’s face burning red, and Newton held his hands up where the Kaiju could see them. Gottlieb cleared his throat loudly and felt the twins leering at the back of his head.

     “ _Sorry, Mudppuppy, We’ll behave._ ”

With an approving growl Mudpuppy nodded and turned back to the cliff-screen. Under the blankets, Hermann felt Newt take his hand and he basked in the safety of it. The Kaiju reacted to something onscreen. Balor and Howard laughed as Sonia did an appalling imitation of Snow White’s voice. Hermann wanted to take this instant and freeze it in time, somehow find a way to hold it in his hands and experience it over and over again. These moments were so rare and small and quiet in the grand scheme of things. The Hive muttered softly, contentedly, and he gave Newt one more peck on the cheek before turning to watch the movie.

 

The morning they left the First Church of the Holy Beast, the snow had turned to a cold sheet of heavy rain, falling in hard sharp drops and turning the snow on the ground to a thick, soupy mush. The roads were thawing out and the cold drizzle drifted into thick swathes of mist that hovered over everything. Outlines of the church loomed just above the cloud of white fog and Hermann watched it with a tinge of sadness. Despite its original purpose, the building had become more of a home then anything since the Hong Kong Shatterdome and Gottlieb realized with surprise he would miss it, miss the strange feeling of sanctuary it offered…the small community it had harbored.

Balor leaned beside him, pressed to the side of their motor home. He lit a cigarette with a grunt, smoke from his nose and lips quickly rising up to blend with the cool white fog; disappearing wraithlike into the pale sky. He didn’t speak, just examined the church and Hermann with watery eyes. Hermann eased next to him, lifting some of the weight off his crutch. He considered the older man for some time as they both listened to the distant crash of surf on beach. Gottlieb’s voice sounded loud in his own ears when he finally spoke.

     “May I have a cigarette please?”

Flood gave him a questioning glance then shrugged and knocked out a stale white stick from the box in his pocket.

     “S’bad habit ta start, ‘Ermann.”

Hermann held the cigarette between his lips. He felt the first taste of stale tobacco touch his tongue and nodded, putting up a hand to shield the lighter flame from a stray breeze. Gottlieb made a valiant first effort to inhale and failed. His eyes watering as the smoke burned the inside of his nose and left a bad taste in the back of his throat. He choked, spluttering on a mouthful of smoke.

     “Nows…~ _cough_ ~ good a time to …. ~ _cough_ ~ start as any. Curious…”

Hermann took a deeper drag from the cigarette and coughed violently. After a moment of acclimation however, his muscles relaxed, the smoke soaking into the tissue of his lungs and moving a sense of calm sedation through his body. He let go of the breath he had been holding and puffed white smoke through his nose with one final hacking cough. Despite the shaky start he felt a definite sense of nicotine serenity that was not at all unpleasant.     

     “I can see how a person could grow used to this...”

Balor watched as a gull flew through the mist above them, disappearing into a drab smudge of sky.

     “I used ta promise Sean I would quit every day. Was our daily joke…our ritual. First cigarette of the day an eh would give me a disapproving look. Then I’d smile an say -Can’t elp eh, Seanny boy, I’m a social smoker- an he would say. -Ah, uncle Balor, ya would ave to be social first-"

The engineer chuckled, flicking ash away and turning his lighter over thoughtfully in his hands, clicking the flame on an off distractedly.

     “Then I would promise ta quit. An every time it would be a lie. Not to em’ but to myself.”

Flood glanced at the cigarette in his hand, eyes damp, curly hair sticking to his scalp in the humid air. He let the butt fall from his hand, crushing it against the cracked asphalt.

     “Did ya ever have any luck gehing ahold of Melero or Degari?”

Hermann wiped at the corners at his eyes with the sleeve of his Rangers jacket and tried not to look bothered by Balor’s question.

     “No. I haven’t heard From Neta or Koosha in two weeks now. Not a word, not even an e-mail. I can only hope it’s because they are preoccupied with PPDC busywork. I’ve been afraid to make a real effort to reach out to them. The military knows where we are but they don't need to know we've had help on the inside. Security is still important. I must admit I am…concerned for them.”

Not just them. Hermann was worried about all the people who were close to himself and Newton...including Vanessa. They had not spoken since Fortress but she was still in his thoughts. She must have known about the videos. Had they told her he was dead? Newton’s father had no doubt been informed but Vanessa wasn’t technically his next of kin anymore. It mattered little, the world knew they were alive now. News of the meeting in Seattle ruled the radio airwaves. It was the top story of every major news network and speculation was rampant. The Kaiju were going to make an appearance and Gottlieb wasn’t sure if the human race was really prepared.

Human figures surfaced slowly in the foggy parking lot, their vague silhouettes becoming more solid as they drew closer. The rain had devolved into a curtain so fine it had become a misty shower of tiny water droplets. Howard emerged from the damp carrying the last of their duffel bags with Newt in tow. Geiszler’s smile faded on seeing the cigarette in Hermann’s mouth and he walked up, yanking it brusquely from him.

     “Nope.”

Herman scowled licking dry lips.

     “Newton, I hardly think you can just.”

Newt stood on tiptoe to look him right in the eye, poking a finger into his chest to for emphasis.

     “ _NOPE._ ”

The connection turned a frosty shade of blue and Hermann couldn’t help but smile, dismissing Newt’s anger with an evasive shrug.

     “Nope it is then.”

The RV wobbled back and forth at his back and the small group looked up to see Catfish standing on the roof of the old motor home staring out into the fog, hands on his hips.

     “Can’t believe somebody gutted dis ole thing an put solar panels on eh. You know what this is? S’old Chevy Fleetwood Jamboree. Mah cousin lived in one ‘is daddy bought in 1990. Ole thing didn run an smelled like dead dog. Miracle this one still runnin’.”

Howard threw the last rucksack into the living room and made a great spectacle of clapping imaginary dust off his hands.

     “Don’t you disparage her that way. We’ve come a long way and she’s managed to keep all of her parts…probably.”

Newt bounced back, rocking on his heels and beaming up at Catfish. He walked back to the end of the trailer and laid a hand on the ladder to the roof.

     “You gonna ride up there all the way to Seattle, dude?”

Harpe considering spitting off the opposite side of the trailer and wiping his mouth with the back of his damaged hand.

     “We only going a mile an hour, ain’t we?...I spose…”

The Ranger was interrupted by the sound of crunching rock and splintering wood. The ground shook and the tips of just visible trees near the cliff-face parted as Mudpuppy’s massive head materialized high above them. Opening his mouth, the Kaiju gave a haunting call back towards the water, mouth glowing in the grey half-light like a lighthouse beacon. In the distance, there was a plaintive answering wail that Hermann felt reverberating in his chest. It rattled in his teeth and made his eyes tear. They would follow in the water…the brothers would be waiting when they arrived in Seattle…and so would Mother.

Mudpuppy would not be taking the ocean. He had stubbornly declared his intention to follow the RV on land one huge step at a time. Hermann and Newt had both argued with him for hours but it had done no good. He would not leave them alone again. The drive to Seattle from Aberdeen was very short but because of the Kaiju’s insistence to join them, Balor had picked a route that kept to the most backwards roads possible. What should have been a two hour drive was shaping up to be a day-long trek to avoid populated cities and military. If Mudpuppy wasn’t enough of a burden, there was another addition to their strange caravan that would make the trip even more of a circus: The Shrike Rapture.

The Rangers couldn’t stay in Aberdeen and the Shrike would eventually have to be returned. They couldn’t avoid it forever. Hermann didn’t trust the PPDC enough to let Mako and Becket fly ahead of them to the meeting place-they would probably be immediately arrested-compounding their problems further. Gottlieb hoped that the amnesty surrounding he, Newton, and the Hive would hold out. If the press asked, they could always say the PPDC had sent the Shrike as an escort, a bodyguard of sorts; it certainly looked the part.

Mudpuppy finished scraping his way over the side of the cliff and the Shrike climbed up after him. Its armor rattled slightly as the body of the mech settled into place, the blank stare of its visor gazing down on the RV impassively.

Newton craned his neck back trying to see to the very top of the Rapture now hidden in the fog. He waved frantically and the Rangers waved back, wiggling giant fingers. Mudpuppy circled around the Jaeger, pushing the top of his flat oblong face under its heavy hand like a cat seeking attention. Howard stood just inside the trailer door and murmured to Balor and Hermann, face paling slightly.

     “What do you think they’ll do when we bring the Jaeger back?...We’re all technically deserters right?…and we all stole bits of the Siren. I mean, even if they don’t arrest us straight away they’ll try sometime, right? They aren’t gonna let this slide.”

Balor snorted and rubbed at his collarbone absently, walking around and opening the driver side door at the front of the RV. His answer was grating and not at all sympathetic.

     “We all made our beds, boy. Now we best sleep in em.”

Mako and Raleigh ran robotic finger tips affectionately over Mudpuppy’s face and jaw. Hermann could see the raised knot of metal on the Jaeger's arm where the sword that killed Vesuvius was sheathed, once again feeling that strange disconnect between past and present. He looked inside the RV and tried to catch Howard’s eye as he busily stacked supplies and belongings into every available crevice.

     “For the moment you have immunity, Howard, and that’s a start. We’ll just have to take events as they fall.”

Howard muttered something under his breath and disappeared into the bedroom at the back of the cab, presumably to check on his sister. Hermann took a slow, staggering step forward and felt the mist cling to him, sticking his hair to the back of neck and dampening his eyelashes. Mudpuppy and the Shrike became mountains of blurred color moving above the tree line waiting for them to start out. A warm hand took his and Hermann didn’t have to look over to know who it was.

     ”<I hope we can come back someday Newton.>”

Newt squeezed Hermann’s fingers tightly. The drift sparkled with diamonds of silver and white. They were like stars… or the reflection of sun on the ocean. Tiny flickers of heat that evaporated into sadness and a weary sort of resignation. 

     ”<Yeah.>”

Hermann closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The Hive was moving down into deep water. He could sense the pressure above him and the darkness around him. Feel his heart, now easily the size of the RV at his back, slowing down to conserve the oxygen in his neon blue blood. More Hive brothers called from the depths. They migrated en masse towards Magnolia, moving swiftly to join their kindred.

     ”<Newt…I’m so tired.>”

Newt kissed the back of his hand and tugged him towards the motor home.

     ”<We’re almost there Herms. Just a couple more hurdles till the finish line.>”

 

The Church disappeared in a tangle of trees and the tunnel of just budding branches and fragrant pine closed behind them. Hermann sat on the bed looking out the back of the trailer with Sonia’s hand in his. The Whateley twin lay her head on his shoulder and he ran a gentle thumb over her knuckles. The motor home came to a quick stop and Catfish jumped off the ladder on the back, running over to lift up the crooked gate Sonia had rammed down the day they had found the church.

     “You know it wasn’t a bad place…bit of a fixer upper- what with all the unspeakable cult things going on inside but…no place is perfect right? Every house a home and all that.”

Howard crouched next to them, watching the last traces of the church disappear into the misty reaches of the tree-lined path.

     “I mean, what’s a blood orgy or two when it comes to prime real estate?”     

     “Goat sacrifices wash right out of the carpet with a little club soda and elbow grease.”

     “I’m sure people have done worse for great beach-front property!”

The camper turned onto the main highway and the last of the hidden road vanished, blending into the other overgrown foliage.The twins both held up a hand to wave goodbye at the same time and Hermann smiled at them fondly.

     “Perhaps I’ll purchase the church when it’s all over and turn it into something more family oriented.”

They both beamed at him, freckled noses crinkling as they considered it.

     “Oh! Used Car Lot!”

     “New York Style Deli!”

They paused and looked at each other, nodding firmly, then spoke at the same time.

     “Indoor mini-golf.”

Hermann rolled his eyes good-naturedly, cuffing both of them gently on the back of the head. He pushed himself up with an effort, letting Howard take his spot next to Sonia on the bed. His crutch was propped against the kitchen cabinets and Hermann hopped towards it on his good leg, supporting himself on the kitchenette. Howard watched him hawkishly to make sure he was going to make it on his own then turned to his sister to continue their plans for the Beacon Church Putt-Putt golf course.

Hermann passed under the square plastic door that opened up onto the roof and found Catfish sitting above him. The bottom of his boot heels clicked slightly against the edge of the opening. Just above the Ranger’s head, the bottom of Mudpuppy’s jaw could be seen. He walked in slow, even steps keeping the Motorhome just ahead of his feet. Collapsing onto the sofa, Hermann pushed the window open and poked his head out, curious. Mudpuppy was taking up most of his line of sight. His bulk filled up the road, each pounding step knocking over trees and driving large craters into the muddy ground.

Just beyond the sway of his tail and between his hind legs, Gottlieb could make out the Rapture’s feet bringing up the rear. Raindrops spattered into his eyes and Hermann ducked his head back in, rubbing the moisture away with a palm.

Balor rolled down the driver’s side window and stuck his elbow out.

    “Got all our ducks in a row. Quite a sight it is too.”

leaning back in the passenger’s side seat Newton grinned his painful lopsided grin at Hermann.

     “Hoo! I think we got ourselves a convoy!”

Newt thrust his arm over and punched the RV horn twice. The noise echoed mutely through the foggy woods, muffled by the rain-soaked air and Mudpuppy answered it with two low moans trying to copy the sound and send it back. Flood slapped at Geiszler, aggravated.

      “Keep off the wheel ya daft inky idiot! Trying ta concentrate and keep up this speed! They better keep fair distance behind…ken feel them making the ground shake. Nae careful they’ll tip us over or crush us!”

They turned off the main road near Aberdeen proper and turned onto a logging road. The first obstacle was immediate. The Barricade markers shone yellow in the camper’s headlights. There were people there. _Many_ people…more people than Hermann would have thought. Balor muttered under his breath and Newt bounced his leg nervously, fingers poking at the side of his mouth. Some of the milling figures reacted to the approaching caravan of camper, Kaiju, and Jaeger, turning to run into the trees.

The RV was encircled by the bright grey and black outfits of the PPDC militia, mingling with the local greens and tans of Aberdeen police. Hermann could just make them out through the bleary windshield; see figures conversing past the swish of the windshield wipers. Balor clicked the wipers off as the rain settled back into a fine mist and Newt tapped the dashboard with both hands, glancing between Hermann and the blocked off road.

     “I think…I think they’re having an argument.”

The troopers and Militia were certainly at odds about something. A man with a sheriff’s badge glinting from his sheepskin jacket gestured to the trailer and then above it, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. Mudpuppy gave a low rumbling whine and that seemed to make the PPDC cave more than whatever the local law enforcement had to say. With great gravitas two soldiers lifted the heavy yellow barrier fence aside and the sheriff nodded his sodden wide-brimmed hat to the RV, waving Balor through to the old road on the other side. The police and soldiers scrambled aside to make room for them to pass. Catfish chuckled from the roof.

     “Like tha lil thing coulda kept y’all from going on your way…who they tryin’ ta fool.”

Harpe suddenly stopped laughing. He whistled low to get Hermann’s attention and motioned for him to come closer.

     “Doc..you an yer Podna better geh up here ya’ll gonna wanna see this.”

Jumping down Micajah pulled Hermann to his feet, unrolling the ladder that lead up to the roof.

     “Ranger Harpe? Why would I want to…”

Balor stopped the RV so abruptly it almost sent Gottlieb and Catfish hurtling to the ground. Flood took shaking hands from the steering wheel and swallowed hard, swearing under his breath.

     “Wha in tha hell…”

Hermann felt blue shock and waves of confusion spike from Newt’s direction. Curious, he limped to the cab of the RV and drew in a sharp breath. There were people in the road and there had to be _hundreds_ of them. For more than a mile down the empty stretch of worn asphalt people stood as if waiting for something. Campers, cars, vans, and even buses were parked in every available space. Here and there were carts pulled by animals, and more motorcycles than Hermann could count.

Mudpuppy gave a low scared whine and stood completely motionless, unsure what to do next. The crowd was still a moment more before some kind of unspoken order passed through the mob and they parted, making room for the motor home to pass through. Newt got out of the passenger seat nervously to stand near Hermann.

     “What’s going on…what are they doing here?”

Catfish grunted, exasperated.

     “Fo you idyits. Deh been gatherin’ since the ‘nouncement prolly. Ya don realize how big dis is, do ya?”

Pointing to his Loper buttons, the Ranger smirked knowingly. With a hard shove, Harpe pushed Newt towards the rope ladder up and pointed at Hermann.

     “You two should go up where de all can see ya.”

Newt shrank back against Hermann and blinked uncomfortably.

     “Eh… I…”

Balor eased the RV slowly forward, his foot barely on the gas. He was careful not to hit anyone, navigating gradually through the gap the mob had cleared. Hermann could hear the twins’ voices in the back of the trailer but their words seemed far away. Long lines of people began walking on either side of the RV and Gottlieb set his jaw in a determined line.

     "Alright Ranger Harpe…help me up if you would.”

By the time Micajah had helped both Newt and Hermann to sit on the edge of the trapdoor on the camper’s roof, Mudpuppy had started to walk again. The Kaiju flicked the tip of his tongue in and out rapidly, agitated by the sheer number of people milling around his feet. Hermann didn’t blame him and sent him feelings of encouragement as the gargantuan creature concentrated on not stepping on anyone.

Most of the vehicles had been started and were driving slowly at the back of the line or slightly on the shoulder. Any place safe from the footsteps of the two giants. Newt looked behind them trying to see the Rapture over Mudpuppy’s shoulder.

     “Man, I wish we could make radio contact with them, dude, this is ridiculous.”

Some of the people on foot reached out to try and touch Mudpuppy but the majority gave him a wide berth. There were a few shouts but mostly respectful silence. A large percentage of the gathering were young, people in their twenties and thirties, but Gottlieb could see older more wizened faces among them. Here and there a child. They were all races, men and women. The only thing they all truly had in common was the button. It glinted from coats, shirts, hats and Hermann even spotted it painted on the side of a van. Some of the copies were immaculate while others were rough handmade reproductions… but they were there; Two Jackelopes embracing in the middle of a cloudy blue sky.

Hermann sat side by side with Newt on top of the Motorhome at the head of the long procession. He watched in awe as one at time all the people started to fall behind the Rapture…beside the Kaiju. Catfish climbed up next to them, taking it all in with is good eye. He didn’t seem the least bit surprised.

     “S’like Exodus, eh? ‘Ope we don gotta wander bout a desert for forty som years.”

The air filled with the sound of clattering engines, here and there the nervous neighing of a horse. All these noises were overpowered by the heavy footsteps of a Kaiju and the clanging movements of a Jaeger. The parade or people and vehicles marched slowly. People on foot letting the old camper set the pace. The murmur of voices grew; there was a scattering of laughter and an overall atmosphere of relief. People placed hands on the side of the RV and walked that way. More people noticed Newt and Hermann and a slow murmur ran through the crowd. Hermann ducked his head feeling conspicuous but Newt gradually warmed to the attention. He waved half his face lit up with an honest smile.

Staring ahead at the distant horizon Hermann felt like the inside of his chest was glowing. The Hive radiated joy and the connection to Newt was awash in bright shades of triumphant orange and yellow. Tears pricked Gottlieb’s eyes and he closed them taking in a deep breath. Newton hugged him tightly burying his face in his partner’s collar. The real gravity of what they were seeing rolled over Hermann at once. He had reached out to strangers and somehow they had answered his call. He swallowed a lump in his throat. The thin rain drumming at his skin started to ease. A single ray of watery sun shone briefly through the thick cloud cover and lit up the sky. Ahead lay the road and at the end of it…Magnolia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Chal and Jade for being beta's on this chapter!
> 
> Also the last section is best read while listening to this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GV-YPDHtMts which is where the chapter title comes from.


	28. Goodnight Magnolia, Travel Well

     “Head straight towards Discovery Park until you see a sign marked “ _lighthouse_ ” and keep going past the crowds. When you see the water treatment plant there should be a barrier for uh…”

The soldier paused, looking up at Mudpuppy nervously. The Kaiju shifted his immense weight from one side of his body to the other and yawned. Hermann felt for him. They were all exhausted but Mudpuppy seemed to have the toughest time on the road. The Kaiju was still severely underweight and long stretches on land had to be hard on his massive muscles and joints. Balor waved impatiently to get the guard’s attention, thumping the side of the camper loudly.     

     “And? Spit it out we don gah all day!”

The soldier was not PPDC; he was wearing a US military uniform. They had seen many like him on the way and would no doubt be inundated with them now that they had reached Seattle. The young man stammered and pulled distractedly at his helmet, blinking nervous sweat away from his eyes.

   “Err…I. You…they just told us that if you showed up to direct you to the water treatment plant and the lighthouse. That’s where you’re camping out I guess? They’re the only buildings for miles… you can’t miss em. Some higher up liaison is supposed to meet you right outside the camp...regular civilians can’t go farther than that.”

Balor rubbed at the bridge of his nose impatiently and sucked in a long, loud breath. He let it out in a huff that turned into a hacking cough.

     “It’s a _madhouse_. How am I supposed tae geh ANYWHERE with all tha people about eh?”

The crowd of Lopers following the RV had been steadily picking up followers since leaving Aberdeen. Every rest stop and town they passed had yielded more. They joined by the dozens in small clusters or large groups. Unsurprisingly, there were already hundreds of people camped out in Seattle waiting for them. The city itself had been cordoned off by army reserves. Yet as they drove past the border people were still latching onto them, following the colossal shapes of Mudpuppy and the Rapture. The glut of people on foot and frequent military checkpoints on the roads (even the most backwards ones) had turned the picturesque drive into a six-hour endurance test. As the RV finally crossed the threshold into Magnolia the sky was starting to turn towards dusk.

From what Hermann remembered (and gleaned from shared knowledge with Newton) the Kaiju that had destroyed Magnolia, Banshee, had been very large for a cat-2. Its bio-signature had been picked up right away by the Anchorage Shatterdome sensors, giving the PPDC time to deploy Romeo Blue and its pilots the Gage twins. The fight between Kaiju and Jaeger had not started in Seattle, it had only finished there. Banshee had first surfaced in Canada, traveling down the Strait of Juan de Fuca to ruthlessly attack Victoria, British Columbia. Much of Victoria had been completely destroyed by the time the Romeo touched down. Despite being a great Jaeger, one of the best in Hermann’s opinion, Blue was still a Mach 1. It was beginning to show its age. No matter how great Trevin and Bruce Gage had been as pilots they were just no match for something as big as Banshee.

They had engaged it and managed to rip off one of its arms before the Kaiju had retreated to the ocean. Leaving a trail of poison blood in its wake, Banshee had navigated the Puget Sound. It emerged at the very edge of Seattle in the affluent community of Magnolia. There was no time to deploy a second Jaeger. The Romeo was transported to the second landfall site and the battle ended with the Death of Magnolia, Banshee...and the Gage brothers.

Unlike some of the other places Hermann and Newton had seen in their travels there was obviously no effort to rebuild Magnolia and only a cursory attempt to clean it. The roads were cracked in some places and completely missing in others. Buildings still lay in pieces, rubble was strewn everywhere and no green thing grew in the ruined soil where Banshee had bled. Discovery Park, the area they drove towards, had probably been very beautiful in its prime. It was a large swathe of parkland perched at the very edge of the Magnolia peninsula. Little of its grandeur was left intact. Most of the parks trees had been cut down in the years after Banshee’s attack and more had been destroyed by fire and Kaiju Blue. Looking out the camper window Hermann could see mammoth chunks of spine and rib bone that had never been removed. Romeo Blue had been taken to Oblivion Bay but Banshee still lay where he had fallen. The nature preserve had become a grave.

The Hive buzzed uneasily and Mudpuppy trilled at the bones, upset. He didn’t stray from his place behind the RV to look at the remains. There were too many small things to step on but Hermann could feel his curiosity, and under that, fear. He sent a consoling message as Balor navigated another chunk of missing road.

     “ _We’re almost there Mudpuppy…just a few more minutes_ _I promise.”_

Giving a coughing bark above them Mudpuppy crushed the brittle husks of a several dead trees with his next step.

_“Was that Hive brother...how dead?”_

“ _No. He was not your Hive brother. He was a member of the old Hive. The Hive that hurt people. A Jaeger killed him.”_

Wave after wave of grey and black feeling swirled about the Hive and cycled between its members. Hermann reflexively cast about the trailer for Newton and had to remind himself his partner was in the back taking his turn with Sonia. He disliked when Newton was out of his sight for too long, even if he could still feel him. Balor swore under his breath edging the RV along the patchy uneven road. There was a large crowd of people just visible in the distance. Beyond them the light of campfires flickered, illuminating the bulky outlines of parked vehicles and tents. Howard leaned forward in the passenger side seat and muttered his thoughts aloud.

     “I don’t think we can take Mudpuppy and the Shrike through there without hurting anyone…”

Balor stopped the motor home but didn’t turn off the engine, considering their next move. The people around them hesitated. Those able to move through the traffic and around the Kaiju’s feet timidly walked towards the encampment, towards the sound of voices and the intoxicating smell of cooked food. Balor honked the camper’s horn resignedly.

     “Well…what we do now? We’re stuck…don see no sign tha says “ _lighthouse_ ” anywhere. Could send the Kaiju an tha Shrike on I ‘spose. Beach can nae be far. Close on through those trees…”

The Jaeger appeared in front of them without warning, its thick body and stubby limbs reflecting the last dirty light of the setting sun. It pushed over a small stand of dead pine trees and ambled towards the mass of Lopers purposefully. Hermann felt a sharp sting of fear. He recognized the Jaeger immediately, though he didn’t know its name. It was the same squat bulky monster he had seen herding protestors in Helsinki. The one that spewed tear gas and seemed equipped specifically for riot-control. The blocky mech held up a hand and a cool emotionless female voice echoed from speakers mounted on its hips and back.     

     “ **All civilians will please walk forward into the camp. There is food and electricity available. Please head to the camp now. The PPDC and UN appreciate your cooperation…** ”

Catfish climbed down from the roof of the camper his boots hitting the floor with a jarring bang. He sat across from Hermann at the kitchen table and nodded out the window to several people who waved their direction. The travelers began to pass them, marching resignedly towards the glow of the Loper camp. Hermann was glad their supporters weren’t being turned away. At least there was a safe place for them. Micajah folded his arms glaring daggers at the crowd control mech. It was blasting its same message over and over again, bullying the migrating crowd onward like it was driving cattle.

     “Not surprised see da Kilo Juggernaut ere…awful business dose pilots. Bad news is they _very_ loyal to tha PPDC. I know em real well from Fortress 2, husband-wife team from Brazil.”

Balor fell back against the driver’s seat with a dejected groan. He said something to Howard…or maybe to Catfish. Hermann wasn’t paying attention to them anymore. He froze and every muscle in his body went stiff. A whisper louder than a scream rang in his brain and rattled down to his bone marrow. The Hive responded in kind and the yowling mess of noise and greeting bounced around inside his skull, forcing tears to his eyes.

     “M-Mother knows we’re…here. She’s at the beach but she hasn’t surfaced yet. We need to get down there….”

Mudpuppy took a huge half-step, the camper resting just under his belly. The Kaiju gave a long guttural call and the answer was immediate. Now they knew for sure which direction the ocean lay. Howard shivered and glanced back at Hermann.

     “Well can you tell her we’re kinda trapped? We’ll figure out where we’re going in just a-”

A loud knock on the RV door made everyone freeze. Nobody said a word. Even with all the people following them during the migration to Seattle not one of the Lopers had actually knocked on the door or tried to enter the camper; neither had the soldiers at the military checkpoints. Now, someone was actually knocking and no one seemed to know what to do. Catfish pulled a knife from the back of his jeans. It was small and very sharp...a kitchen knife he had probably stolen from the church. Hermann had no idea it had even been on him. He reached out a shaky hand, still in a daze from Mother’s voice and the Hive’s fervent greetings.

     “Catfish...No. We have immunity but you can’t go pulling a knife every time we…”

He was cut off by another firm knock. Howard stood and took a cautious step towards the door.    

       “Er…Coming. Sorry we’re not dressed for visitors...Just got out of the shower.”

Micajah didn’t put the knife away his lip curling up over his teeth. Hermann attempted to see who was at the door through the kitchen window but the angle and light were against him. Before he had a chance to shift position to find a better view Howard cautiously opened the door and Tendo Choi invited himself in.

Tendo looked somehow paler and more unlike himself then he had when Hermann had last seen him in the Icebox. Why were so many of the people left from the old guard of the PPDC in such poor condition Hermann wondered as he watched Choi. The tech looked around the trailer for a long time before his eyes rested on Hermann. Expression filled with something that wavered between joy and dread. Choi muttered something over his shoulder and closed the camper door, leaving his entourage of guards outside. Balor and Howard said nothing waiting for Choi to make the first move. Micajah still had not put the kitchen knife back in his pocket.     

     “Hermann…I…”

Choi swallowed heavily and Newt walked out of back bedroom. Hermann could feel him drawn out by the tug of the bond and his own inquisitiveness. The air was painfully tense, awkward silence suspended over the tiny room. Finally, Tendo took three short steps through the RV towards Newt and put his arm around the shorter man’s shoulders. Choi pulled him close his voice choked with relief.

     “Newt…shit I was so afraid…I’m so sorry.”

He tightened his grip and Newt closed his eyes returning the hug as tightly as he could.

 

With Tendo’s help they found where they were supposed to go. The historic West Point Lighthouse and the abandoned water treatment plant were the only structures left standing in Discovery Park. The area was so bare of foliage that the plant, which stood at the top of a small hill, had a clear view of the lighthouse and the ocean. Mudpuppy had found his way to the shore and collapsed at the waters edge immediately, too tired to go another step. Mako and Raleigh powered down the Shrike near the lighthouse and Balor parked the RV next to it. West Point sat on a strip of land jutting so far out into the ocean it felt as if they were surrounded on all sides by endless water. The area around it was mercifully still. Gottlieb reveled in it, enjoying the soft hush of the wind and the ever-present sound of water breaking against the shore. Struggling to un-cramp his good leg Hermann hobbled down the RV steps. He remained quiet, content to listen to the talk around him rather then join it.

     “The meeting. The Kaiju summit they’re calling it. It’ll take place tomorrow right there.”

Tendo turned as he spoke, pointing at the vacant water treatment plant up the hill. He put a cigarette to his lips, fumbling through the pockets of his trench coat for a lighter.

     “They’ve been getting it ready all day, setting up monitors and figuring out seating…bureaucratic bullshit. Who the hell cares if China’s monitor is next to Russia’s…I mean they aren’t even really in the damn ROOM. It’s no wonder Hansen just said fuck it and retired.”

Balor stretched until Hermann could hear his spine pop and lit Tendo’s cigarette with the end of the one he was currently smoking, an oddly intimate gesture.

Hermann felt Newt wander off before he noticed he was gone. He turned this way and that finally spotting his partner’s hunched shoulders wandering towards the beach. Dusk was rapidly giving way to night and the sun had completely ducked below the horizon. Hermann felt a prickle of distress in his chest, a soft ember of heat that was starting to burn. He disliked the burn as much as he disliked the way Newt was carrying himself. These were easily readable warning signs. Gottlieb adjusted his crutch and pushed himself arduously down the sandy pathway his partner had taken.

He passed Mako and Becket still in full drift armor coming from the opposite direction but didn’t stop to talk. Mako put a hand on his shoulder as he stumbled past her, eyebrows furrowed. She looked worn by the long trek and Raleigh even more so.

     “Where are you going Hermann?”

Gottlieb gestured towards the darkening beach.

     “To the Hive…to find Newton. I won’t be long. We just need a moment.”

Mako worried her bottom lip unsure but Hermann plowed onward through the soft silvery sage grass dotting the edge of the overgrown Lighthouse lawn. He looked back over his shoulder with a smile he hoped was reassuring.

   “Go and join the others…we’ll be there soon. I promise.”

Raleigh gave a thumbs up and wrapped an arm around Mako’s back, edging her gradually towards the motor home.

Hermann wandered further down the beach towards the hulking shape of Mudpuppy. Newt was standing near the resting Kaiju’s tail staring blankly out into the shifting water, hands drawn helplessly to his chest. The burn was a full on blaze now. The sensation of it so recognizable Hermann steeled himself for what he knew was going to happen next. Grabbing Newton’s shoulders Gottlieb pulled him close struggling to take a breath. He asked the question although he already knew the answer.

     “Newton…are you having a panic attack?”

Newt’s legs shivered and collapsed under him. He crumpled down into the sand and Hermann went down with him his crutch dropping from under his arm.

     “Y-y-yeah…yeah.”

Newt swallowed and stared out at the ocean clutching forcefully at the fabric of Hermann’s shirt. Mudpuppy sensed his suffering and inched closer on his belly. He lay as close as he could to the two of them without touching, whining low and alarmed. All around him the massive faces of the Hive poked out of the ocean. Concern stamped on their bizarre mismatched faces.

     “Breathe…listen to me breathing… how bad is it, Newton?”

His partner choked and the fire in Hermann’s chest burned hotter, searing his lungs and throat. There was his answer, it was bad. Geiszler had not suffered an attack this fierce in some time. When they had piloted Occam his anxiety had become less frequent and much more manageable. Nothing as extreme as the attacks Hermann had felt in Fortress I. Newt had mostly been on an upswing mood-wise after waking from his coma. He would have a couple spotty hours here and there where the bond would become blurred…harder to read. Most of these had been caused but his pausing lapses, which had only recently stopped altogether. It was normal for Newt anyway; the low valleys of melancholy usually balanced the manic peaks. The Medication and Hermann’s close proximity kept Newt on a relatively even keel…until now. Sprawling on the damp ground Hermann shifted his weight off his bad leg and cradled Newt close. Taking deep breaths He looked up at the stars and concentrated on the pinpricks of diamond light. The day had been long.

     “How about a lecture Newton? I haven’t given you one in a good while…shall we go back to p-prime numbers? Or something s-suh-simpler like the Pythagorean theorem?”

He stroked Newt’s hair his own vision doubling, mouth going bone dry. Thoughts raced through his head that were not his own. He was overcome with despairing speculation…disturbing predictions about the future. The ghost drift exploded with bright colors that had no rhyme or reason to them. White, red and even spurts of gold all fizzed into being then flitted out of existence just as quickly. It was like the brain patterns of a dying man. Hermann latched onto a random lecture and launched into it, doing it to calm his own brain as his partners. The anxiety bleeding into him from Newton was too much.

     “The b-beauty of transcendental numbers…”

The Hive hummed low and Hermann put Newt’s hand on his heart trying to coax him to breath while the sensation of choking seized hold of them.

     “The set of t-transcendental numbers are infinite…uncountable. T-th-…they reach out into the mathematical concept of eternity. There are so many elements that the mind cannot conceive of an end...”

Newton closed his eyes and took short halting breaths sweat dripping down his forehead. He was listening and the Kaiju glowing in the water were as well. Mudpuppy stayed still and Hermann would have forgotten he was there altogether if not for the soft glow of his luminescent skin patches.

     “Transcendental numbers are…are not unusual…to the contrary most-r-real numbers and cuh-complex numbers are transcendental…but it is extremely difficult to show a …a number to be…transcendental..I…”

Newton fumbled and clung to Hermann, the trembling slowly easing. Gottlieb pressed into Newt’s neck and hugged him tightly rubbing circles on his back with gentle fingers.

     “…It’s alright...I’m here. It’s going to be alright.”

The Hive took up a soft call and the water a ways off from the shore started to churn. There was a full thrumming cry that shook the earth and the other Kaiju submerged as Mother surfaced. She was bigger then Hermann dreamed possible. She was a category ten…no she was something beyond the category system. She was an island, a dream. She was a continent or a small planet onto herself… and he could only see her head. The pressure in his chest built and it felt like his heart was being pinned against his ribcage. Hermann gagged nudging Newton wordlessly, gesturing for him to look at the Kaiju goddess bobbing patiently in front of them.

Her skin was transparent. It glowed from within, lit by her own blood. Each car-sized eye glowed with its own internal light. She was shades of rose pink, soft orange and the familiar Kaiju Blue. They could see her veins pushing through the crystalline skin, pumping rivers of incandescent blood. The contours of her skull resembled no earthly animal. Her cartilage was like a cliff face and her features were as symmetrical as a Rorschach test. Mother was both dangerous and beautiful in her construction. Her skin was glass smooth, there was little need for spikes and sharp teeth with something her size. Her function was as a creator and not a destroyer. Hermann was glad she didn’t rise any further from the water. Not only would her glow and size attract the attention…he wasn’t sure his own heart could take it. She was too big; too foreign…she was _Mother_.

     “ _My children…I see you. I love you…_ ”

Newt smiled and managed to take in a snotty breath, holding up his hand in feeble welcome. Hermann had to look away rubbing at the ache in his ribs. Mother’s presence managed to calm the anxiety attack from an emergency to an ache. She watched them both from a safe distance, the glow of her body just visible below the ocean surface. Mudpuppy pushed himself laboriously to his feet and went to join her reluctantly, looking back at the scientists appraisingly before sliding into the surf. When Newton finally found his voice he spoke in a low rough growl watching Mother sing with the attending brothers.

     “H-Hermann…you told me when she …visited you…you saw her as women...”

He stopped in the middle of his thought still gasping and struggling to take even breaths. Hermann pulled him close hands pressed against his heaving back.

     “I did…she did and in a way she is all those women to me. She took from them things that helped her learn to be…more then what she was Newton.”

Half of Geiszler’s bottom lip wiggled as he tried and failed to hold back tears. The anxiety was doing its best to push back up and overwhelm him again.

     “When she visited me...in my huh-head…she didn’t come as women.”

Hermann looked at him surprised daring to glance at Mother again. She was making a low booming noise at Mudpuppy. Even if he didn’t speak the language he understood it. The smaller Kaiju nuzzled at her head, it was easily the size of his entire body.

     “No?”    

     “N-nah Herms she…she came as Kaiju. _ALL_ the Kaiju. She would be Otachi one second then K-karloff the next or Krueger and…she spoke in a voice that was…I don’t know how to d-describe it. It was too many voices. Even your voice… and the precursors. She took the shapes from my muh-mind…she...”

Hermann ran fingers through Newt’s scruffy hair and held him close. He felt Geiszler shudder, unable to persuade his vocal chords to cooperate.

     “Shhh..you don’t have to talk. I didn’t know that…it’s very interesting...”

Newt took several more breaths to unknot the stress tangled around his words. Brain still scrambled, conflicting lines of thought running in all directions.

     “I’m a…M-Uh M-MESS. She...I-I Mm…t-tomorrow!…I..F-Fuck it up.”

Hermann shook his head rough palm wiping away moisture from Newton’s eyes before it could pool into tears.

     “We know what we’re going to say. Mother knows. We’ve gone over it and it’s going to be fine…Listen.”

Mother swayed back and forth in the water to her own music. Her body so titanic in size the waves lapping against the shore were affected by her movements.

     “ _Children…trust…good…love_ ”

Newt sniffled sullenly rubbing at his eyes under his glasses. They both listened to the song and the tide and the wind in the grass. Finally Newton spoke voice hoarse but steady.

   “…Finish what you were talking about…about the transcendental numbers? I don’t think I’ve heard that one before.”

 

The interior of the wastewater treatment station was dank and smelled thickly of rust. It felt taller then it was wide. Large cavernous lengths of pipe big enough that a man could crawl through without ducking stretched around them. Some pipes had been rooted out of the cement walls by scavengers. Metal, copper in particular, were extremely valuable if sold in the right place. Kaiju were monsters that ate cities during the war but Jaegers and the Wall were monsters that ate resources.

Hermann felt Newton silently grip his hand and he returned the touch, squeezing the man’s knuckles. It was still disconcerting to let Newt touch him so informally in public. The fear and shame he had nurtured over the years ran deep…but it was asinine now. He had come out to his father, had been hugging and touching his drift partner in front of massive crowds of people as well as close friends. There was no more reason to be hidden and certainly no more reason to care what anyone thought.

They moved through the mess of crumbling brick and dripping water and were greeted with a truly odd scene. In the center of the derelict pumping station floor all the rot had been cleared and a whole miniature UN had been set up. Carpets were spread over the filthy cement floor and bright strings of lights hung from the skeletal ceiling beams. Two generators were chugging away keeping the windowless space lit and dozens of live feed monitors running. Each screen had contained the face of an attending ambassador or dignitary. China, Russia, Australia…they were all here. Sitting in the center of the chaos and multi-colored flags was a simple bare table with a pitcher of water and two tarnished folding chairs. Newton’s grip tightened and Catfish lowered his eyes, growling under his breath.

     “Don see no cameras…”

Hermann realized he was right. There were no cameras here and that was terrifying. This meeting was supposed to be televised. That was the point. Not only that, but the Hive couldn’t even attend a meeting inside…this was shaping up to be nothing more then an interrogation of himself and Newton.

   “No…I don’t either...”

Balor put a hand on Newt’s shoulder when he made a small whimpering noise at the back of his throat. The only people in their original church group who had not come were Raleigh, Howard and Sonia. Sonia wasn’t well enough and Howard had stayed to protect her. Raleigh was afraid to leave the Rapture but Mako had elected to come to the summit. Hermann tried to sort out the bustle of the busy room his brain, attempting to categorize everything he was seeing and separate out the details. Newton’s hyperactive tendencies were making the task difficult and he could feel his focus drifting. The previous night’s panic attack was still fresh and raw in both of them. Hermann gave Newton’s hand another squeeze.

     “<Calm down Newton…It’s alright. Mother and the Hive are close. Mako, Harpe and Balor are here. I’m here.>

Newt leaned against him, his voice cloudy and still not quite himself.

     “<I..Look..>”

Hermann looked the direction Newton was pointing and his heart leapt joyfully into his throat. He hadn’t noticed that there were Rangers in attendance when he first entered the echoing meeting place. Standing partially obscured by human sized pieces of discarded pipe was a small congregation of Rangers. Among them were the familiar faces of Neta Melero and Koosha Deghari.

Neta caught his eye, separating from the group. She touched Koosha’s arm and he followed with a sly grin. She was wearing a uniform Hermann had never seen before, a dark black jumpsuit with highlights of deep blue and stark orange. The PPDC Logo was embroidered on the arms and chest along with the Ranger’s last name and identification number. It was deeply unsettling in how much it looked like military regalia. Rangers were soldiers, there was no denying that, but this outfit’ was meant to intimidate; another show of power by a nervous PPDC.

Before Neta could make it through the buzzing nerve center to greet Hermann and Newt Major Barlowe was upon them. He stood meaningfully in Hermann’s way a small escort of military personnel trailing in his wake. He looked over the k-sci Rangers, taking in their vain attempt to wear something presentable. Hermann wore an old suit he had found stuffed haphazardly into a kit bag. It was comically baggy on his bony frame. His nicest suit, the tailored brown one, had been soaked in Blue and probably burned in an incinerator in Helsinki. The old grey thing he was now wearing was nearly worn through at the elbows and threadbare around the edges. His shirt collar was wrinkled and Newton’s did not look much better. Gottlieb had however made a point of removing his infamous Jackelope button from his Rangers jacket; pinning it purposefully to the edge of his wrinkled lapel. Geiszler had no dress jacket, only an old white button up and skinny tie that had been moldering at the bottom of a duffel bag for months. Barlowe sniffed crinkling his nose at both of them.

     “You look…you do realize that most of the leaders of the free world are going to be here?”

Hermann wanted to argue. The leaders wouldn’t technically be here…they would be images on screens. Their lackeys would be here, risking their lives in the presence of the traitorous Kaiju scientists. Balor glared and curled his lip irritably at Barlowe.

     “Stow eit yah sniveling …”

Hermann interrupted Flood before he could say something they would all regret.

     “Apologies Major. We did the best we could with the resources available…But I’m afraid I don’t see any cameras and our agreement was that our meeting with you would be televised…also this building is enclosed and the Hi-…the Kaiju…should be present for this.”

Barlowe looked at him with a mixture of rage and disbelief.

     “The representatives think its best that before any cameras are turned on you some guidelines should be put in place.”

Newton’s small voice was shrill and he puffed out his chest.

     “You mean tell us what not to say on air? You mean censor what we’re here to say? That why you put us in here? Afraid to do it where all those people who followed us can see?”

Hermann knew he should have curbed Newt then and there but he agreed with everything he said. This was exactly what they were trying to do.

     “Newton is correct. You can tell the representatives that we will not be speaking with anyone until it is televised. We can forgive the indoor accommodations. I understand that there is a lot of delicate equipment here and so I think we can overlook it but anything we say needs to be heard by everyone. Including that rather large eager group of people waiting just up the road…”

He gave Barlowe a suggestive look and felt his chest constrict. It was a subtle threat but there all the same and the Major rankled visibly. He turned and spoke in quick angry Japanese to one of the well-dressed people at a nearby table. By this point the entire assembly hall had started to notice them and most of the government aides had stopped to stare. Tendo emerged from some dark corner of the room and apologized under his breath. He hustled the group to their table wordlessly before having an heated conversation with Barlowe and several other men in suits, speaking too low to hear. When he came back he assured them the cameras would be there…and they would be turned on.

 

The leaders of the free world scrutinized Newt and Hermann. Examined them sitting patiently at their plastic fold out card table. Newt bounced his leg and tapped his fingernails avoiding eye contact as best he could. Hermann was staring levelly at a fixed point in the distance trying to rein in the nervous fluttering emotions of the drift. He sent wave after wave of the most comforting thoughts he could manage in Newt’s direction. No more panic attacks, not now; they couldn’t afford them.

Mother was a solid comforting rock at their backs, a support. She seemed to nudge them forward. _Go,_ her presence whispered. _Do what you came here to do_. Between the loud hum of the generators and the whir of the cameras the metal chamber was a riot of ambient noise. It lingered in the still air for several minutes as scientists and leaders stared at each other, neither sure how to begin. There was a hissing buzz of feedback and the President of the United States cleared her throat indecisively, her voice the first to break the spell.

   “Doctor Gottlieb, Doctor Geizler. I would personally like to thank you for meeting with us today as representatives of the…Kaiju…”

Newt scooted his chair closer to Hermann, speaking into the microphones resting in front of him.

     “H-Hive. Just call them the Hive…they’re a collective of individuals that share a collective mind…err…Mrs. President.”

The president gazed out of frame uncomfortably and the translators whispered into their mics.

     “Yes…Well. _Hive_ it is. We are pleased to have you and the Hive here today with us and the world to…”

The British Prime Minister spoke loudly from his screen pressing to be heard. His cheeks were already tinted a deep red, as if the effort of not screaming was just too much to handle.

     “If you’ll kindly just get to the point, Madam President. I think we can all agree there’s no time for niceties while this… _HIVE_ lurks in our oceans and poses a threat to humanity as a whole. Doctors, just tell us what your demands are. What do you want? ”

Hermann caught Neta scowling out the corner of his eye. Catfish and Mako were close to her side neither of them looking pleased with the man’s tone. Gottlieb was a bit relieved. It was better for the hate to be out in the open then festering below the surface.

     “Demands? No sir. Demand is the wrong word. We have no demands but we have a list of requests. But please if you’ll allow me to first express that this is a meeting to show we mean nothing but peace. These Kaiju are not from the Precursor Hive…That is to say they are not creatures born beyond the Breach. They are a completely new and independent group, the sons of a Precursor refugee. Technically they were born here and as such are citizens of the earth by most standards…”

This caused a flicker of livid murmuring whispers through the room and the monitors. The UIS president spoke, his voice ruffled with irritation.

     “So they are illegal aliens in the most literal sense of the word? Why should the earth offer them any sort of asylum? Not only would I argue that they are war criminals but there are records of them attacking several factories and businesses…not to mention missing fishing boats.”

Newt pushed his glasses up his nose showing a bit more confidence.

       “Look man…err. Sir. They never meant to hurt anybody. And if they did it was because they were ignorant about it…it was an accident.”  
This set off several loud conversations at once between the people on various screens. Hermann waited patiently for them to figure out who had the floor. The Japanese ambassador won, practically screaming to be heard.

     “So you expect us to pardon Kaiju because of a…misunderstanding?!”

Hermann nodded slowly trying to think of the best way to explain…a common problem he was well accustomed to.

     “We have been striving to teach them about the world. If we explain things they are _very_ quick to adapt and you will note there have not been any attacks on land or on ships in months. The original incidents happened not because of malice or ill intent, but simply because the Hive members were hungry.”

Newton picked up where Hermann left off waving his hands, gesturing frantically as he always did when he started to warm to a subject.

     “You guys have to understand how much they have to consume! I mean per pound they’re burning a lot of energy and they have to feed Mother on top of that! I know that if I had the means to tackle the problem I could figure out some answer to…”

The Russian diplomat held up her own hands and spoke in Russian to herself before it broke back into English.

     “Wait. Who is Mother? Is Mother a Kaiju? Is refugee you speak of?”

Newt ran his hands nervously through his hair and Hermann wished for the umpteenth time he could reach out and brush his cheek…ease the nervous tics.

     “Yes. Mother is the matriarch of the Hive and a technological refugee. She was created by the Precursors, the creators of the Kaiju, to come through the Breach and reproduce. She was left here to fend for herself when the Breach was closed. That is where the Hive came from. They are her children. Now…”

He waited for the fresh wave of murmuring and chattering to die away and took a deep tolerant breath through his nose.

     “Newton and I have gained the ability to speak to her and her children and…”

He was interrupted immediately, overwhelmed by numerous voices screaming at once.

     “Children! How many are we talking about Doctor Gottlieb!?”    

     “What’s to stop this Kaiju Mother breeding like an insect? Building an army!”     

     “This must be curbed immediately!”

The rumblings turned into an all out roar the Australian prime minister banged on her desk shouting not at the scientists but at one of the other representatives.

     “….Ladies and Gentleman…Ladies and Gentleman please!”

The Chinese delegate was talking furiously to an aide. The USA and UIS were pointing fingers and the cameras didn’t seem to know where to focus. Newt went silent again his fingertips pressing tight to the tabletop, knuckles flushed a bright white. He screeched a reply to something the South Korean diplomat had blindly hollered his direction, adding to the chaos and noise.

     “PLEASE!”

Hermann stood as he spoke, knocking his chair backwards in the process. The sudden pain in his leg caught Newt’s attention. He startled at the ghost of it brushing him. The bond twitched, the Hive shuddered. The room hushed and the cameras turned his direction.

     “I’m afraid I don’t know precisely how many members of the Hive there are right now…but the number is small, no more then fifteen if I was to make an estimate. And that _includes_ Dr. Geiszler and myself. To my knowledge Mother has made a real effort not to reproduce. However…she has created children to replace the ones she lost. I assume it is common knowledge…both deaths were highly publicized. Two Hive members have been _killed_ by PPDC forces. Yet we have not retaliated.”

He stood hands outspread looking from one monitor to the next, daring them to challenge his claim. They couldn’t. There had been no recent attacks from any Kaiju. Not a sighting since the death of Vesuvius. Let them try and refute it. He continued, voice slowly losing its sharp edge.

     “Both sides have losses because of misunderstandings. If we could just be reasonable I believe we could move towards a mutually beneficial union.”

Newt looked up at Hermann and gently tugged at the corner of his jacket, encouraging him to sit back down. Gottlieb spoke again, finding it easier to look at Newt while addressing the room.

   “We want to help. We don’t want anyone to die. It’s just… pointless.”

There was a brief pause. Calm filled with the frantic ping of received text messages and the muted click of camera phones. Everything was being transcribed live. The world would be hanging on every word. The President of the United States moved closer to her camera.

     “Doctors. You must understand that we can’t just allow Kaiju to roam unchecked. They are the reason the PPDC was formed. The reason we lost so many years and lives to a war that drained us of resources…”

There were nods on all sides. The cam link to Brazil flickered but the president was easy enough to understand through the static.

     “You ask us to give monsters the rights of human beings. How is this possible?”

Hermann finally let himself sink back down into his chair; he was barely able to disguise the growl in his throat.

     “The war is over. We helped win it for you…that’s why we are here. Because of a sacrifice my partner made…that we _both_ made. I won’t go into details. It’s another secret…of which you all have many…and many of which we know. ”

Newt put a hand on Hermann’s shoulder, his wordless voice pushing through the ghost drift… _be_ _careful with the threats._ Gottlieb plowed on working hard to keep his voice steady.

     “…Regardless. We ask for very little. We returned to active service when asked and one wonders how we could possibly prove our loyalty to humanity any further. All we and the Hive ask is that you hear our proposal…I am aware that these sorts of decisions cannot be rushed, but our hope is that by the end of this meeting we can start on the path to some sort of accord.”

The mood in the room was icy. There would be questions from the press and the gathering all knew that Hermann had said too much. The representative from Australia rumbled, voice gravelly but even.

     “Well Doctors. You have our attention then, give us your proposal. I think we will do our best not to…interrupt again.”

Hermann nodded to Newt who shivered slightly worrying the inside of his cheek with his teeth. He stuttered a bit over his words… gathering steam. They had practiced this.

     “First off we…we want pardons for all Kaiju umm…the living ones. The dead ones we don’t care but the living ones get clean slates. We…we want someplace, maybe a small section of a country or an island which can officially be the...the Hives. T-that means we’ll be able to do shi-stuff. Stuff like join the UN and create our own laws and yeah…”

Hermann picked up where Newton left off before the muttered angry noises around him could erupt into something ugly.

     “As such we’ll be entitled to representation. If given the land the Kaiju will have a center of safety. If we have a government and lands of our own we also would like Jaegers. Two to be exact…Occam’s Razor and the Shrike Rapture. We want the ability to have citizens if we so choose and we want no criminal charges filed against those who have helped us in our journey here. I will not name names while the cameras are rolling but there are people…”

Hermann couldn’t help but cast a quick furtive glance toward where he knew Balor and the Rangers stood. Knowing they were there filled him with even more resolve.

     “…People who have been good to us and friends to the Hive and to Mother.”

There was unease and under that a shared rage. Hermann could see Barlowe staring at them hands gripped tight behind his back. He was sure he spotted his brother Dietrich smirking and whispering something to another of the Major’s aides…but it was hard to see. The PPDC’s representative, a Marshall Hermann didn’t even recognize, spluttered about the loss of the Shrike being unthinkable. The President of the UIS massaged his temples and looked directly into Gottlieb’s eyes.

     “And where would this land come from? Who would be willing to help create some bizarre city-state for a flock of alien invaders?”  
Newt squawked indignantly.

     “Look dud-SIR…It doesn’t have to be BIG like…smaller then Vatican City! We’ll take some shithole island in the middle of the damn pacific if we have to!”

Hermann did his best to look reconciliatory. There was a headache building huge and monstrous behind his eyes. Mother had been listening closely to everything going on and the Hives presence was a crushing weight.

     “We would not ask these things of you if we did not have something to offer in return.”

This got everyone’s attention as he expected it would. There was no way they wouldn’t be interested in benefits to their own countries and that was predictable. Hermann waved his hand out of the confines of the sewage treatment plant towards the beach.

     “The Kaiju will allow themselves to tracked and monitored. They will try to the best of their ability to stay in international waters…if they must ask permission to swim or fish near coastal regions owned by individual governments then we will do it for them to the very best of our ability. If an area if declared off limits we will respect that. We offer aid for natural disaster relief and Blue cleanup as well as help with tearing down the sea walls…all this.”

He paused for dramatic effect enjoying the captive audience for just a second. It wasn’t everyday you held the attention of the most important people on the planet.

     “And if or should I say _when_ a second Breach is opened…and the Precursors return the Hive will not hesitate to fight with you.”

He finally gave into temptation and placed a strong hand on Newt’s shoulder. His brain was buzzing. Hermann looked directly into the nearest camera and hoped Vanessa could see him, the twins…even his father. He thought about the waitress at Castro’s pancake house. She would be listening, watching.

     “While the size of the Kaiju shrinks with every successive birth from necessity I don’t doubt you’ll find it helpful to have to a powerful ally. The Jaeger program and the Hive can work together…and perhaps with new more open communication we could help calm the dependence on nuclear armaments…and start to fix the world’s larger problems.”

Newt hesitated then looked around pushing his glasses up his nose and slowly sliding his hand down the stiff side of his face. His voice jittered but there was a smile behind it.

     “The people outside aren’t just here for the Kaiju...I think we’re all thinking the same thing. Hey…if the Kaiju are taken care of. Maybe our governments will chill the fuck out and we can finally start over like we were supposed to…that’s why we were fighting right? For a second chance? …Good of future generations and all that?

Hermann could feel the itching desire for Newt to bring up all they knew. The smuggling the weapons projects…all of it. But they had made a promise. There was no possible way to solve every problem, no matter how much they wanted to. He squirmed and settled when Hermann squeezed his shoulder comfortingly. He kept going voice rising in pitch.

     “The Jaeger shouldn’t be involved in border wars or…human shit. Maybe that’s a dead dream but we just want to live and so does the Hive…so does everybody. So how about we give it a shot?”

Newt finished rather lamely and looked back down at his fingers on the tabletop. Hermann had nothing to add, or wanted to add. Newt had really said it well in his own ineloquent way. Cameras whirred and clicked and the translators whispered the last of Newton’s speech into transmitters. The leaders all seemed to communicate between each other in some way Newt and Hermann couldn’t see. The Russian ambassador looked off camera nodding; the Chinese representative seemed to be typing something with his hands just off screen. With a sigh the president of the United States nodded slowly.

     “…We have many more questions for you and the… _community_ you represent. However…”

The president looked about and nodded slowly.

     “Doctors, I think we can reach a compromise.”

 

The sky was clear and so bright Hermann actually blinked against it when he and Newton stepped outside the sewage plant. The negotiations were still going on inside and likely would for days more. Not just here either, but in the home countries themselves and the halls of the UN. Arguments were bouncing back and forth between them on where exactly the new “Kaiju Homeland” could be. Most likely some small piece of the United States or Canada...although an island off the coast of New Zealand had been put forward by a reluctant representative on the Australian feed.

A retinue of familiar Rangers drew up quickly behind Gottlieb. Neta and Koosha chattered excitedly with Balor while Mako drew both Newt and Hermann into a tight hug.

     “You did well. I am proud of you. We all are.”

Balor patted Newton absently on the arm eyes drifting over the crowd of people pushing to be closer to the water treatment plant. Hermann was having difficulty taking it all in. There was so much going on around him. Aside from the raucous crowd of Lopers, reporters and curious civilians being held back by a mishmash of PPDC guard and military, there were three jaegers wandering about the lighthouse and the dilapidated grey public works building. The Shrike Rapture was just visible. Unmanned, it was still sheltered near the white spire of West Point. The Jaeger Juggernaut followed the throng or people, lingering behind them. It hovered, herding stragglers back towards the main group like an enormous sheepdog.

The massive Seawise Giant and gaudily painted Jazz Hellion were stationed at different points of the narrow treeless strip of land that trailed down to the lighthouse and the beach. They didn’t move, hunkered down patiently to watch the proceedings…and the Kaiju.

The closest Kaiju to the treatment plant was Mudpuppy. He waited just feet from the entrance, making affable trilling noises at the multitude of people gathered near his feet. As always Mudpuppy was a people Kaiju, eager for the attention. The Colonel sprawled uncomfortably close to the Seawise Giant but seemed completely un-phased by it. The Kaiju had always enjoyed sunbathing and now he was clearly trying to take advantage of some actual sun. His tail curled around the lighthouse building, tusks and face raised serenely towards the sky.

Beyond the Colonel were several Kaiju Hermann didn’t recognize but none of them had left the comfort of the water. Some lay half in and half out of the ocean, clogging up the tide line with their huge bodies. In total there were five Kaiju present, including Mother.

It was Mother’s presence that was by far the most shocking. She stood quietly a mile or so from shore. From the distance he almost mistook her for a mountain sized rock formation sticking out of the water. Her clear pink gold shape was blurred by the haze of distance yet her skin was so transparent he could make out the enormous shapes of bones and organs laid out stark again the cloudless sky shining through her. She was stunning.

She was also making people uncomfortable. He understood that. Her size alone was off putting but the translucent skin and alien shape of her face was enough to place her into something from a story by Lovecraft. A thing so gorgeous and yet so alien it could drive men mad. The Seawise Giant watched Mother from its post on the beach all its attention on the Hive queen.

Mako, who had been staring at Mother, swallowed and finally tore her eyes away. She spoke urgently near Gottleib’s ear her breath tickling his neck.

     “You and Newton should say something to the crowd…I know you both are tired but they have been waiting and most came a long way to see you.”

Newt nodded still in a bit of a daze from the intense hours long meeting they had just endured. It had felt more like an interrogation at points but things were going in a promising direction.

     “Yeah Maks…you’re right…it’s the right thing to do”

Hermann put a weary arm around Newton’s shoulders and they turned to face the crowd. There was more flashing of cameras and several loud voices shouting unintelligible questions. Mudpuppy growled warm and gravelly in his throat leaning down toward Mako with an affectionate coo. Balor eyed the Kilo which seemed poised…waiting for something. Catfish wandered in small circles. Fidgeting and on edge. He hadn’t been allowed to take any weapons into the plant during the meeting. Hermann wondered if he had gotten his knife back.

Newton took a step towards the assembled mass of people and press letting Hermann lean on him for support. The drift was heavy, grey and drained. Even the Hive seemed ready for it to be over. Hermann raised up his arm, waving a hand to try and draw attention to himself. He took a long deep breath.

The shot rang out before he even had a chance to speak. The bullet passed through his body so fast it was nothing but a gentle pressure, gone as quick as it came. Hermann pressed a hand to his torso and felt a stream of hot blood through the coarse fabric of his dress shirt. He raised his bloody fingers in front of his eyes confused and turned to look at Newt for confirmation. His partners face clouded with the same disbelief. Neither understood what had just happened. Hermann took a staggering half step towards the beach. Despite the blood that was running down his leg to pool in his shoe he barely felt any pain at all, just warmth. The world tilted and started to spin. The crowd was just beginning to react or maybe everything was just going a half-speed, slowed down and sticky at the edges.

Hermann took one more lurching step then went down on his knees. The jolt of pain it sent through his leg and hip seemed so small…so inconsequential. Newt caught him around the shoulders falling to the ground with him. Another shot was fired but the bullet buried itself harmlessly in the dirt near Newton’s feet. The crowd began to panic. Hermann frowned still puzzled as Newton pressed a hand to the blood dripping from just under his ribcage.

     “You’re okay! ...Y-You’re ok-okay…”

Newton repeated this frantically over and over again and the more he said it the more Hermann thought he was not okay….not okay at all. A strange numbness curled up his spine and through his lungs. The Hive was screaming as loudly as Newton. Above their heads Mudpuppy let out a loud howl, baring his teeth and stomping his back feet. The crowd went into a frenzy as the Kaiju snarled. Mako screamed up at him trying to calm him down. Balor shouted desperately to be heard above the confusion, regain some sort of order. The Juggernaut was already pushing the crowd back while the Hellion took a booming dangerous step towards Mudpuppy. The Kaiju was half out of his mind with terror and shared pain. Hermann tried to reach into the wild tangle of shrill voices in his mind, separate them from the insanity outside…but it was getting harder to think.

     “ _Mudpuppy stop...calm down…don’t.._ ”

The Hellion was reaching for Mudpuppy. Taking slow deliberate steps as the Kaiju gave a screaming roar trying to protect his Hive brothers. A fight seemed inevitable despite the fact Mudpuppy was showing admirable self-restraint. By the lighthouse Hermann caught a glimpse of the Colonel pushing himself arduously to his feet, sights on the Seawise. His tusks raised in challenge. Another shot buzzed through the air, if it was aimed at Newt and himself Hermann couldn’t tell anymore. The crowd didn’t know where to run. Caught between the Kaiju, the Jaeger and whoever was firing the gun.

   Newt drew Hermann against him muttering, words pouring from him senselessly.

     “I’m here Hermann, I’m right here…I’m right here.”

The world narrowed and Geiszler pulled Hermann’s upper body into his lap propping his head up with one arm. His free hand still clasped tight to the bullet wound in an attempt to staunch the bleeding. Somewhere outside their huddled bodies people screamed and another gun fired. Micajah Harpe cussed, Balor Flood screeched at the PPDC military guards and Mako hovered just past his line of sight, seemingly torn between staying to maintain order and running to get help. These were all very slow impressions, vague ideas. He and Newton were back in a fog and it was closing in around them…pushing the world away, muting it under a layer of quieting cotton. Newton’s eyes welled with numbing tears. He smiled down at Hermann speaking in quivery pleading voice.    

     “Don’t go. Don't leave me...”

Hermann took a labored breath and felt blood trickle down his chin. He coughed…there was blood in his throat. He pressed a pale hand over Newts, felt blood surge between their fingers.

     “I’m trying Newton…”

     “….They’ll come with help…it’s gonna be okay.”

Hermann was suddenly very aware of his heartbeat. He could hear the labored arrhythmic thumping in his ears. He took another wet breath, sucking it in with a lung on the verge of collapsing.

     “Newton…I…its very bad.”

Newt swallowed hard and nodded his Adams apple bobbing. He whispered hoarsely.

     “I know…I can feel it buddy.”

Hermann stared up at the sky. It was so blue it hurt his eyes, the first true spring day he had seen in the Pacific Northwest. The Jazz Hellion was pushed back by the Seawise giant…Mudpuppy was nowhere to be seen. All of it faded back…farther away into the fog.

     <“Newt…I’m so _tired_.” >

The words were thin and feeble…he knew he didn’t have enough breath to speak again. They were terrible last words. Newton pressed his face to Hermann’s kissing him on the cheek, the lips and forehead.    

     <“I know. I know just, please hang on…please-please don’t go. I-I really need you.”>

Newton wasn’t sobbing or begging now. He was in shock. He sounded…far away. Gottlieb couldn’t hear the Hive or Jaegers or Lopers. His vision was tunneling; all he could see was Newton.

And he was the last thing Hermann saw before all was darkness.

Then nothing at all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Bluestar and Chal for being my wonderful betas for this difficult chapter.


	29. The Last Canto

   Hermann came to himself in small increments, his awareness beginning with a deep breath and getting stronger with each twitch of his fingers. The world under him vibrated, the strong thrum of an engine sending jarring thumps through his legs and spine. He was sitting upright. He was…

Hermann opened his eyes and it took a good five minutes for him to decode his surroundings. He was on a bus. The interior was completely dark, save for the faint illumination of the driver’s dashboard and the pale strips of emergency lights lining the floor between rows of padded seats.

As the cloud over his brain began to clear Hermann recognized the bus. It was the same one that had taken himself and Newton through the sagebrush deserts of North America. He had received his Loper button in this very seat. It was the bus to Hurricane.

Hermann struggled to reign in hazy thoughts and turned to look out the window. There was nothing beyond the cold glass but a thick grey fog. No landmarks, road signs or stars penetrated it. It was like the bus was sliding through a tunnel of mist; it made the inside of the bus feel too close. The air was still, smothering and oppressive. Gottlieb watched the swirling tendrils of fog straining his eyes to see through it. After several minutes of fruitless squinting he finally gave up and turned his attention back to the bus interior.

The seat next to him was empty. Newton’s blankets were there in a crumpled pile but he was absent. Searching the cramped space around him, Hermann thought he was alone at first but soon realized there were other riders. The dark outlines of heads appeared, just visible in the seats around him. Were they still going to Fort Tempest? Had the smuggling, the Breach church and the Lopers been something he imagined? Had all of it had been one long dream… his own occurrence at Owl Creek?

Hermann forced himself to stand, shuffling uncomfortably to his feet. His body was strangely numb and he leaned heavily on the surrounding chairs for support. The bus shuddered under him like an animal breathing deeply in and out as he made his way down the aisle. It was much longer then it looked and he was out of breath by the time he made it to the first silhouette. Flustered and starting to feel a tinge of fear, Hermann reached a tentative hand out towards the occupant of the darkened bus seat. They shifted, reaching up to click on the overhead reading light and Hermann felt himself gasp.

     “It’s alright Cariño.”

Mrs. Melero’s lips crinkled into a soft warm smile, her eyes twinkling up at him, face thrown into sharp relief by the sudden illumination. Hermann blurted the first thing to come to mind.

     “M-Mother?”

The Ranger laughed and shook her head.                                             

     “I don’t think so Hermann. But I’m honored if you think of me that way.”

It was immediately clear she wasn’t the Kaiju Hive queen; there were no flickering shapes or echoing voice. It was really Mrs. Melero. She was wearing a threadbare purple sweater and her leather Ranger jacket. He could see a Foxglove Jupiter insignia just visible on the edge of one shoulder, well-loved and frayed from use.

Hermann was beginning to suspect this was not the bus to Fort Tempest. He was not on his way to Hurricane at all. Nita Melero ducked out of the light and moved over to the seat by the window. She patted her now vacant spot encouragingly, her wedding band glinting as she pulled her hand away back into the shadows. Hermann looked around the bus before swallowing at a lump in his throat and easing down into the chair.

     “Mrs. Melero…I…you’re de-.”

     “Scoot closer, Cariño. You must be freezing.”

Her hand found his and she felt solid. There was nothing ghostly about the heat in her fingers or the comforting way she squeezed his palm, squishing his bony knuckles together. She was right; he was cold. He hadn’t even realized it until she had brought it to his attention. He drew in a chattering breath. Small shivers were coursing from his toes up to his teeth. Mrs. Melero put an arm around him.

     “Misplace your jacket, eh? I’m sure you’ll find it.”

Gottlieb glanced down at his skinny torso and found he was wearing the same ratty outfit he had worn to the summit. The dress shirt was quite old; Hermann wasn’t sure if was something he owned previously or something that had been in the Motorhome when Balor purchased it. The shirt was huge on him, but then, all his clothing was. He searched his stomach and chest with probing fingers expecting to find…well, find _something_ ; blood, a big gaping hole or even just a rip in his shirt. He found nothing but buttons and slightly uneven seams.

     “Mrs. Melero, m- my memory is a bit hazy but I’m positive that you are _dead_ and before I woke up on this bus I was…”

Hermann stumbled over the words. He was almost certain he knew what had happened but it was difficult to recall the precise details.

     “I-I was addressing a crowd... I-“

He licked dry lips and she watched him patiently from the gloom, the white reflections in her eyes vibrant in the dark. She had the same lovely floral smell he remembered so vividly, a mixture of lilac and rose with just a hint of honeysuckle. She stroked his hair and he could sense the smile on her face even if was lost deep in the shadows.

     “You have lost more weight. What did I say to you about that before Cariño? How can you pilot when you are so skinny?”

Hermann leaned into her touch, his fear fading. It was good to see her, to hear her voice despite the circumstances.

     “…I haven’t piloted in months Mrs. Melero. Newton and I were in a terrible brawl and lost our Jaeger. Occam was destroyed on the US border. You…well. Many things changed after Helsinki.”

Outside the bus window just beyond the fog Hermann could see flickers of neon signs. They flew past, here and gone in an instant, lining whatever formless highway the bus was traveling. They could have been signs for purgatory or a Pizza Hut for all he could see. There was still no trace of real countryside outside of the bus. Not even in the front where he could just make out the driver subtly turning the steering wheel. Mrs. Melero squeezed his hand again, lifting it up and pressing it to her cheek. Her face was only barely outlined by the reading light.

     “You are still a Ranger. Even without a Jaeger you should always be prepared. Hard times or no, it is important to keep fighting fit.”

Bathed in the muted glow Hermann felt like he was sitting in the spotlight of a strange play. Everything was so odd and confusing that nothing really surprised him. He had lived through months of bizarre unsettling dreams; this was simply just another one of those. He paused trying to figure out what to ask first...what to say.

     “We’ve had a rough patch since you’ve been…since you left.”

Nita let out a hollow sigh, mournful and sweet.

     “Oh Cariño. I’m so sorry.”

Shifting in his seat Hermann touched uncertain fingers to the place where he had felt the bullet strike him. He remembered being shot. The force of the impact, the heaviness in his body and Newton’s voice… Hermann sat ramrod straight when the realization hit him. _He couldn’t feel Newton_. His partner’s bright colors and impulsive emotions were conspicuously absent. The Hive was missing as well and the hole both of them left behind was raw, bleak and bottomless. Hermann rubbed his chest frantically. He was alone in his own head.

     “Am I dead, Mrs. Melero?”

She said nothing for a long time. The light above them flickered. Bulky unseen objects shifted in the overhead luggage compartments.

     “…How is Neta doing?”

Hermann was thrown off; he hadn’t expected her to dodge the question outright. That wasn’t Mrs. Melero’s style. She was always so straightforward with him. Never blunt, but always honest. The fear returned tenfold, sitting icy in his chest.

     “She- she’s doing well to my knowledge. She found a kind drift partner named Koosha Degari…But Mrs. Me-“

A voice whispered from the next row up and Hermann startled. Raising wide eyes upwards he was stunned to see Chuck Hansen leaning nonchalantly over the headrest of the seat in front of him. The Ranger was only partially illuminated, his babyish face resting on folded arms.

     “So what if you are dead? What then? Ya gonna give up…keep riding?”

Hermann’s brow furrowed his tongue curling with a dozen questions. After the close of the Breach he had suffered a multitude of nightmares and a surprising number of them involved Chuck Hansen. He did not… _had_ not known the Ranger well, but his death was unexpectedly painful. It was because of his age. He had died so young and Hermann could almost hear his last screams when the Striker exploded. Herc Hansen didn’t even have a body to bury.

     “I-Ranger Hansen?”

Chuck’s voice was angry, childish. He seemed to spit words rather than speak them.

     “I said, ya gonna give up, doc? You can’t stay on this bus. Ya gotta get off.”

Mrs. Melero pulled her hand away from Hermann’s and the warmth dissipated instantly. Chucks lips pulled back in a snarling smile that was as much dangerous as it was friendly.

     “Got a ways to travel back. I envy ya and I don’t, Doc Gottlieb. Never much cared for ya living. But then we were both assholes.”

Hermann was completely at a loss now. He looked around and realized in horror that the dark figures filling up the bus seats had all turned to look at him. He could just make them out; the overhead light reflecting off a skull-shaped ring, three identical people-like shapes all sharing a single row. The bus went on and on, it’s seats stretching as far as he could see. There was no back to it just endless rows of phantom travelers barreling down a lightless road. It was an infinite bus of war dead, casualties of Kaiju, poisoning and starvation all disappearing into the vague distance.

Hermann choked and looked away skin pale, breath coming in harsh gasps. Chuck Hansen leered at him.

     “Ger’off the bus.”

Mrs. Melero reached into the pool of light one last time and took Hermann’s face in her hands, her brown eyes somber. She stroked his cheek with a thumb and strained upwards to put a soft kiss on his forehead, her voice was a whisper in his ear.

     “Don’t look back, Cariño…just keep going. Whatever you do. Just keep moving. Do not let yourself get lost…it’s so easy to get lost…”

Hermann nodded wordlessly his voice frozen in his chest. With a small squeak that was meant to be a thank you he stood, lanky limbs tangling together as he made his way forward to speak with the driver. It struck him that there was no pain in his leg and hip and the thought clung just under tremulous waves of panic. He broke into a run. He could see the drivers back but he couldn’t reach him. It was like being on a treadmill; he was going and going but getting nowhere. The seated shadow people were bearing down on him, silent; and though Gottlieb couldn’t see their outstretched hands he could _feel_ them drawing close.

Spectral fingers reached to grip his clothes and body, pushing to bring him back. To sit him down and take him wherever they were going. With a last kick of desperation Hermann plowed down the aisle, his hand just brushing the shoulder of the dark driver. 

     “Sir, please! Would you sto-“

Before he could even finish his sentence he realized the bus had stopped. All the interior lights were on and he was completely alone, all by himself inside a normal sized well-lit charter bus. The driver’s seat was empty and the door to the outside lay open. Hermann didn’t stop to question it; he scrambled down the narrow stairs and out into the open air. It was cold night outside. Fog still swirled about in wisps, curling around the sandy ground and idling bus. There was no sign of a bus stop in the flat empty desert Gottlieb found himself in. The bus had stopped in front of a single enormous boulder, its bulk the only thing Hermann had to orient himself. A chill wind stirred the mist, throwing up an eddy of sand. It blew into his mouth and he could feel the unpleasant graininess in between his teeth.

Turning back to the bus Hermann wasn’t surprised to find it was already gone. He hadn’t heard it rev up, couldn’t see its taillights retreating into the inky darkness. There was no road in the desert...no sign of tire treads in the sand. Hermann shook off his bewilderment and took a dragging step towards the boulder trying to get his bearings. He couldn’t see a single star in the sky. There were no mountains; there was absolutely nothing he could use to define a horizon line.

Reaching out a quivering hand Hermann leaned back against the boulder, intent on just breathing and figuring out his next steps. The moment his fingers brushed the rock’s hard surface light burst from it nearly blinding him. Taking a faltering step back Hermann blinked searing afterimages from his vision. What he thought was a clump of stone was actually the gigantic head of a decapitated Jaeger.  
Bringing up a hand to shield his eyes from the sudden brilliance Hermann gaped at the bodiless metal head in shock. The eye shield stared blankly past him and it took a moment to recognize its corroded features. It was the Nova Hyperion, one of the better mach 2’s.

     “Wh…what?”

Nova’s head didn’t answer him, its expression vacant and unreadable. The emergency lights lining either side of its face blinked at random intervals. Enormous flood lamps perched at the crown of the head burned vividly, once again putting Hermann into a spotlight. Reaching out to touch the Hyperion Gottlieb felt a chill that made all the hair on the back of his neck stand up. It was like the Jaeger was watching him. Not with pilots, but with the tinted orange glass “eyes” of the mech itself. The wind blew through his flimsy shirt and rattled the loose edges on the head’s metal plating, kicking up a noise that was eerily reminiscent of clanging wind chimes.

Looking out into the light cast by the Hyperion Hermann could see another piece of Jaeger; an arm. It laid discarded, hand and fingers half-buried in the blood-colored sand. Wrapping his arms around his chest Hermann plodded towards it, shrugging against an icy gust that tousled his hair and hiked up his pant legs.

The arm had belonged to the Chrome Brutus. He recognized the wide flat palm and elongated fingers. There was a current generator in the Brutus’s thumbs. In battle it would press its hands together and pull them apart leaving a deadly wall of electricity. A “taser of epic proportions” Newton had called it. _Newton_. Was he alright? Had the assassin shot him? Had the PPDC taken him prisoner under the guise of protection? He reached out again where he usually felt Newton in the ghost drift. The connection was agonizingly empty, devoid of Newt’s fluttering thoughts and vivid colors.

The lights on the Chrome Brutus’s hand sparked to life as Hermann moved past it. His whole skinny body wasn’t even the size of its pinky finger. One casual flick of its wrist and he would be pulverized. Hermann shuddered inwardly. As soon as he was three steps beyond the Brutus another Jaeger part lit up in front of him. The graceful arch of the Tacit Ronin’s leg glowed in the inky dark and a few steps beyond that he could make out the rough dimensions of the Coyote Tango’s spinal column. On and on they went, mechanical cadavers shining like a trail of gargantuan breadcrumbs.

Hermann spoke aloud surprised by the shaky sound of his own voice in the dead quiet.

     “Ha-ha… how fitting. I’ve been retired to Oblivion Bay with the rest of the dead relics.”

Hermann journeyed on, steps heavy. He turned everything over carefully in his mind. Death and drifting seemed to have a lot in common. The farther he walked the more complete the jaegers, isolated body parts gradually becoming the corpses of complete mechs. Slumped over a half-formed sand dune lay the Puma Real, its empty Conn-Pod watched him desolately as he passed. The Echo Saber, which had much in common with the Gipsy Danger as far as design, slumped on top of the Real; A gaping hole in its chest where its reactor should have been. One of its legs was ripped from the socket and lay in his path. Hermann ducked under the soaring arch of the Puma’s broken knee and kept moving. His gait was stilted and dragging but good enough to make steady progress.

Jaegers that Hermann had never seen in person but still recognized started to appear. They were older models, some of which had never seen combat. He wove around the experimental Tare Colossus, a Jaeger so insanely huge it took four people to operate. It had moved only once in trials. A team of three brothers and one sister had managed to it walk four steps before the neural load overwhelmed them. It rotted shoulder to shoulder with its polar opposite, the Colt Scrimmage, the smallest Jaeger ever built. Colt was a very early attempt to make something a single pilot could operate. It would have been completely useless against even the smallest cat-2. Slattern would have laughed at it.

Hermann blew on his hands trying to get heat back into his numb fingers. The dark world had no end, no edges…just more of the desolate elephant graveyard. He wavered and his pace slowed. He felt very tired and heavy. He cast about for a place to stop, to rest for just a moment or two. Hermann turned towards the nearest Jaeger carcass, deviating from the lit path. He stopped, startled when he realized the mech in front of him was achingly familiar. Closing the gap between himself and the Jaeger Hermann grinned.

     “Occam…It’s so good to see a friendly face.”

The Razor was a wreck. Its head smashed in several places, the eye-shield a mess of splintered glass. Gottlieb could just make out the imprint the Black Roger’s foot had left in the torn steel and twisted fiberglass. Despite the damage Occam was still beautiful. Just being close to it filled Hermann with heartache and nostalgia…an insatiable longing for early morning patrols and night watch under the stars.

Something flapped in a stray wind and Hermann glanced upwards astonished to see his Ranger’s jacket hanging from one of the busted headlamps on the side of the Razor’s head. Stretching up he pulled it down and hugged it close, smiling at Occam gratefully.

     “Thank you…”

Hermann slipped the warm leather-scented jacket on and burrowed into it. The heaviness bore down and he blinked tiredly, making his way towards a partially buried chunk of Occam’s shoulder. If he could rest for just a few minutes then the going would be easier. Before Hermann had a chance to take a seat on the scuffed scapula plate something white streaked near his feet. It ran ahead of him into the light of the Jaeger closest to Occam, the Lucky Seven. Climbing up onto a piece of the mechs hand the white shape stopped. Perching in front of a massive cracked light built into the center of the Lucky’s chest. The Seven lay on its side, arm thrown out. Fingers splayed and the silhouette of the white thing was thrown out tall and spindly, casting a long shadow over Hermann as he stared at it.

   “I…”

The white Jackelope groomed its whiskers and scratched behind one long slender ear. It rose to its hind legs, throwing back its head and antlers to gaze at Hermann critically.

     “What in the world…”

The words stopped cold and Hermann gagged on them. He instantly forgot all thoughts of resting, his leg dragging slightly as he staggered towards the Jackelope. The Lucky Seven’s old light created a halo effect on the creature’s brilliant white fur, giving it an otherworldly radiance. Hermann stumbled, kicking up a bent metal bolt. It clattering into a shard of broken sheet metal and the noise startled the Jackelope. It bounded into the dark, throwing up a wave of red dust as it fled.  
Hermann broke into a shambling run without thinking. He felt his hip throb slightly but didn’t care. He had to reach the Jackelope, had to find out where it came from where it was going. He looked back over his shoulder taking on last pining glance at Occam. It faded into the shadows and the rest of the scrapped Jaeger became a tattered blur in his peripheral vision.

     “Wait! S-stop!”

Gottlieb ran until his leg felt like it was about to snap, until his lungs began to burn. He could just see the Jackelope sprinting ahead of him, its body a long comet of shining white. He trailed after it pain building up in his hip and leg but never quite reaching the point where he needed to stop. Mrs. Melero warning reverberated in the empty Hiveless part of his mind; _keep moving…don’t stop._

The decaying Jaeger remains became sparser, giving way to random pieces of metal then flat empty ground. Light created a horizon from nothing as the sun started to rise and the Jackelope bolted towards it. Hermann slowed his pace gasping for breath, eyes screwed shut against the dawn. Something was…off. He could see that right away. The sun was _wrong_ ; it was the wrong color and size. He turned away from the glare but could still feel it…massive, scalding and the color of coagulated blood. Hermann opened his eyes to find that the cold dark desert around him had turned into something so shockingly alien he felt a powerful urge to vomit.

Tamping it down, Gottlieb gagged and walked on. The sun was a dying star, a red boil on a fleshy pink sky. The burnt out remains of a city that was definitely not human in origin grew around him and Hermann could see the fierce silhouettes of Kaiju rising from its ashes. An alien ocean lapped at his feet. Its water smelled like the chemical waste sink on Newton’s side of the lab in Hong Kong and its surface had a phosphorescent glow. The oceans neon blue color clashed painfully with the pink sky and black sand. Hermann jumped back so it wouldn’t touch his feet and swallowed a mouthful of unbreathable air.

This was a memory from he and Newton’s drift with the Kaiju infant, a chunk of Hivemind history. Was this the world that had fallen before Earth? Perhaps it was several worlds back. They were colonists…would Earth have changed like this, its natural greens and browns skewing into this cotton candy nightmare?

A crescent shaped object the size of a fighter plane soared silently overhead and Hermann watched it progress with morbid fascination. The colonists, the precursors as they had come to be known, made almost no sound as they scouted the remains of the abandoned city. A Kaiju responded to their presence and the closer it came the bigger Hermann realized it was. Slattern would have looked like a puppy at its feet. Even Mother would have to look up into its face. It’s…face. Hermann again felt a wave of queasiness that started in his brain. Where _was_ its face?

He couldn’t tell which glowing nodules or pulsing orbs of flesh were the eyes. It didn’t seem to have a mouth. If Kaiju were based on the animals of the planets they destroyed the local wildlife was more bizarre then he could imagine. Gottlieb held himself and shook, Newton would enjoy this…Newton would at least find a scientific curiosity in it.

The floating vehicle made a low, dense humming noise and the Kaiju raised up what Hermann guessed was probably its head. The creature gave a shuddering earsplitting reply that turned all the bones in Hermann’s body to jelly. He cried out and started to run again, tottering side to side as he went. All he could think about was putting as much distance between himself and the Kaiju as possible. A thought drifted to the front of his mind and Hermann bit back a sob. _He had died and this was hell_. He had fallen way beyond anything Dante could have predicted. Circle nine, traitors frozen in ice…circle ten, mathematicians stranded in an alien apocalypse.

Hermann gagged, his senses overpowered with the smell of Kaiju rot. It was something he was all too familiar with - that horrifically sharp scent of saline and ammonia. Without realizing it he had run into the corpse of a fallen Kaiju. The creature had died on the beach, a hole forming tunnel-like through its abdomen. The ribcage unfolded around Hermann like an immense cathedral and the organs glistened above with flickers of bio-luminescence.

Outside the corpse heat hung wet and almost solid in the air; moving through it was like plowing through a bowl of gelatin. Hermann made to stop, hypnotized when he realized some of the organs were still _alive_. Before he could even contemplate the thump of a house-sized heart, before he could really wrap his tired brain around where he was… Hermann spotted the white shape waiting patiently at the other end of the Kaiju passageway. The Jackelope balanced on its hind legs and wiggled whispers at him ears swiveling, eyes never leaving his. Hermann felt himself moving towards it again. Why… it had brought him here, hadn’t it? It could lead him somewhere even worse if he followed but… he called out to it with a hoarse, hurt voice.  

     “Wait…s-stop! Please!”

Leaving the cavernous hollow of Kaiju innards Hermann stumbled out into the open. The air was muggy and smelled like salt and rotting vegetation. It spoke of heat and tropical storms. The slate beach had transmuted to white sand and crystal water. A breeze rattled some nearby palm trees and white foam hugged the shore in smooth ceaseless patterns. It was beautifully Kaiju free and Hermann, still disoriented from the abrupt shift in environment, was nevertheless relieved to be away from the alien…dimension? Dream?

The Jackelope was gone again. Hermann sucked in a breath of air that tasted like sunshine and walked towards a pier that stretched out into the infinite blue ocean. Its worn wooden legs clustered with barnacles and seagull droppings.

The scene was familiar and it took Hermann several moments to realize why… He had seen it in Newton’s brain. During their drifts in Occam he had seen this same beach and felt nothing but sick angry emotions coupled with it. The Jackelope had brought him to the awful paradise on Earth where Fortress II was stationed. Two people stood on the pier and Hermann approached them cautiously. Negotiating a bit of rocky pathway He wandered out onto the pier his steps creating a shuffling exaggerated tapping sound on the faded planks. _Trip-Trap-Trip-Trap,_ a voice whispered in his head, _little goat little goat you are walking on my bridge…_

A seagull mewled overhead diving towards a flash on the water and the two figures stared at it murmuring in low voices. Hermann strode a bit faster, the promising flash of color on skin seized his heart and squeezed.

     “Newton? _Newton!_ ”

It was Newton, and the closer he got the more he realized this had to be a dream…or something close to it. Newton didn’t react to his shouts and face was whole, every muscle in working order. There was no droop to his eyelid or slight frown to one side of his mouth. There was more meat on his bones, arms and shoulders thick with muscle. His skin was warm brown in places and more freckled then Hermann had ever seen it. The skin on Newt’s nose and forehead was red and peeling from a healing sunburn. He had obviously been in this tropical environment for a while.

     “I-I don’t know dude. What makes you think we would even be compatible…”

Hermann stopped his breath catching painfully in his throat. Newt couldn’t see him. He was a memory, an illusion…a drift ghost. He was so caught up in staring at him he hadn’t even bothered to spare a glance for who he was talking until they replied. Sean Patrick Flood towered over Newton gazing down at him with military detachment.

     “I feel confident enough in my abilities as a pilot that I think I could drift with ya, Doctor Geiszler sir…”

Newt plopped down on the pier and stared at the water, his bare feet dangling over the edge. He spoke in a voice that was exhausted, defeated.

     “Call me Newt, man…only my mother calls me Doctor.”

Hermann felt tears building in his eyes and in his chest. He spoke aloud even though he knew this non-Newton couldn’t hear him.

     “That joke was never funny.”

Sean Patrick chuckled anyway and it was friendly, nothing forced or condescending. He sat down next to Newt reaching to untie his heavy combat boots.

     “Alrigh...Newt. Yeh can call me Sean if ya like. In academy they called mah “Lucky” cause ah the cereal mascot, buh I warn ya Uncle Balor hates tha nickname.”

Newton cringed at the mention of Balor’s name. Hermann took a step closer his hand hovering just above Newt’s head. He could almost feel real heat drifting of him, smell his terrible aftershave.

     “I’ll stick to Sean then. I don’t want to get on your uncle’s bad side anymore then I already am.”

     “Yeah, I know eh may seem like a bit of a shit buh he means well. You’ll see when we geh to Fortress I. This place puts em on edge.”

Newton chewed his bottom lip angrily and picked at a bit of splintered wood.

     “Yeah, no offense, but _breathing_ puts your uncle on edge.”

Flood laughed and Newt relaxed slightly, his shoulders slumping. Hermann shivered. The longer he lingered the colder he felt despite the sweltering island heat. Raising his eyes back up to the ocean Gottlieb saw the pier had elongated into a sort of meandering path out over the water. Wooden planks moving towards the horizon like an endless line of railroad tracks. That was his way and he knew he should move on…but he couldn’t tear himself away from Newton.

Newt spoke again, voice earnest and hands flailing as he tried to make Sean Patrick understand.

     “Sean man, I don’t wanna sound like a dick and you seem like a real solid guy…but there’s only one person I’m compatible with. There’s only one person _I want_ to be compatible with.”

Hermann took a deep breath digging fingernails deep into the palms of his hands. Flood didn’t seem surprised or hurt by Newton’s words. He only nodded hanging his legs over the side of the dock next to Geiszler’s.

     “Yeah? So why didn’ ya tell em tha? Ask fer the PPDC to bring em in for trials?”

Newt put his hands over his neck bending his face towards his knees his voice muffled.

     “He has a life man. Family, career, all that jazz. What kind of dick would I be? Just yanking that away because I-…fuck, you know that old saying? “If you love something let it go” Well, that’s what I did…I let him go.”

Sean made a noncommittal grunt and poked Newt’s shoulder.

     “Aye…buh you know the other half of eh right? If you love something leh eh go, and if it comes back to you, it’s yours forever…”

Sean Patrick glanced over his shoulder right at Hermann, staring directly into his eyes.

   “If it doesn’t, it never was, and it’s not meant to be.”

Hermann jolted in shock and took a step backwards, breath catching in his throat. The world shimmered in a heat haze and he turned panicked heading toward the winding pier. Something snapped under his foot and he went down through a rotted plank of wood. Mrs. Melero berated him in his head as he fell. _Keep moving Hermann, don’t stop for anything, don’t leave the path._

The water was ice-cold and it pulled him downwards. He surfaced only just long enough to see the sun shining through the hole he had fallen through before the chill water sucked him under. He sank like a stone, eyes open screaming soundlessly. He knew this. He had done this before. He had fallen down deep into the blackness, plunged past the strangled sounds of memories. His own, Newton’s, the Hive’s - they all melded into a rush of water and the sensation of suffocating. Bleary shapes whisked past brushing him. He felt drained and knew that this was it. He couldn’t struggle, couldn’t pull himself back up.

Intense pain crawled languidly through his chest, a heart attack in slow motion. He could feel a burning in his stomach and tasted blood. A void opened beneath him and he sank towards it kicking uselessly against the descent. His struggles became more and more apathetic; a strange feeling of relief stole over his senses. He could let himself fall; it was over and he was ready to let himself go. He had done everything he could, he had done more then most…more then anyone could have expected.

The sluggish fall continued down…down towards something deeper then sleep. He smiled, skipping past depression and bargaining, straight into acceptance. There was no shame in being dead. The intense pain inside his chest, the fire in his stomach and ever-present pain in his hip faded, the urge to fight going with them. Hermann watched bubbles trickle up above his head in the blue-black darkness and his eyes slipped shut. He hoped in the end that he had been redeemed somewhat…he hoped they would understand.

The fall stopped.

Hermann opened his eyes.

At first he was sure it was the Jackelope coming towards him illuminated from behind by an ethereal light…but no, now it was too large looked more like a man. No…It wasn’t human either It was too _big_. The thing moving towards him was enormous and dazzling white. Its name trickled into Herman’s brain, filtering through his dulled senses.

     “Koh-Kotick?”

The white Kaiju floated close regarding him in the dark. When he spoke there was a soft almost intangible bit of an Irish accent clinging to each syllable. These two things didn’t fit together. It was the mental equivalent of peanut butter and bubble gum.

     “ _Is that the end?_ ”

Hermann righted himself reaching out a pale hand to touch Kotick’s mammoth face. He felt solid and real…warm. The Kaiju’s blue eyes watched him lovingly and the voice filled him up, buoying him away from the pit he was falling into.

     “ _Is the story finished?_ ”

The luminous tendrils of whiskers pressed against him, their ends lit up like bright blue stars. Hermann thrust his body forward resting on Kotick’s nose. He laughed dazedly caressing the smooth rubbery skin.

     “Story? Kotick…I…“

He was at a loss. His first Hive brother, his savior was here again pulling him up from the dark.    

     “…you’re here. You’re here and I was never even able to repay you for your first rescue…all of them. You keep rescuing me. You keep trying to save me.”

The whiskers pushed close in something akin to an embrace. The Kaiju’s voice was sounding more and more like Sean Patrick’s with each passing moment.

     “ _Small voice is mah Hive brother. Love ya, you make meh proud._ ”

     “Your voice… have you been Sean Patrick? In the dreams and the drift…was-was that you?”

Kotick’s eyes seemed to shine brighter, skin crinkling at the edges. Imitating the exact way Hermann’s own did when he smiled.

     “ _Maybe…maybe nothing is only one thing. Like Hive. Small voice is always many things. The son of cruel madman, friend of Rangers and love of tha Fast Thinker. All and one. This one is not just Kotick and not just Patrick. Many Lopers, many Kaiju…many voices and all together._ ”

Hermann was puzzled, he tensed his body tightly to Kotick’s and shook his head unable to decipher the words.

     “I don’t understand…that just sounds like some nonsensical riddle Sean Patrick would say.”

Kotick rumbled not unkindly and they floated in the emptiness in an island of blue light.

_“The drift is three. The Jaeger and the two Rangers but it is also one…aye? All things together to make the different things and a new thing. All the pain of a long journey combine to make a new person. Small voice is not the same as the start…yes?”_

     “No…I suppose I’m not.”

Gottlieb looked up and found himself staring into his own face in reflected in one of Kotick’s massive eyes. The pupil grew and shrank, undulating as it focused on him. The Kaiju’s voice was a sweet growl.

     “ _Does the Small voice wish to go on? To fall?”_

Hermann considered examining his own tired features in the neon blue surface. The entire waking world had become a hazy impression. He could only remember that up above there was pain and uncertainty waiting. Down below him there was nothing but oblivion and in it was peace, finality. He would be over.

     “ _It is not shameful to wish for rest. Not bad to fall.”_

He considered the option…but only briefly. Reaching a bony hand reflexively into the pocket of his Ranger’s jacket Gottlieb felt the hard disc shape of a peppermint candy. He shook his head and smiled his hand wrapping around it and clenching it tight. Newton wasn’t there; he was waiting elsewhere. Torn and tattered and always loud, plowing straight ahead in his well- meaning way. Leaving him was unthinkable, him or the twins, Mako, Balor, Becket…his family and his Hive. They would be waiting. Hermann smiled at his reflection in the smooth surface of the tremendous eye.

   “I can sleep when I am dead…Newton is waiting for me.”

Hermann looked up and Kotick followed his example. Miles and millennia above them a weak light was just visible, the fabled light at the end of the tunnel.

     “ _Then we must go find him._ ”

With a powerful thrust of legs and tail the Kaiju began the journey up out of the silence. The memories flashed past again, two lifetimes and a civilization’s worth. People and places Hermann knew and didn’t know. All of it thrust together in a stormy of chaos and held together by strands of remembrance thin as spider silk. Hermann clung to Kotick, his body resting just above his nose and between his eyes, carried by a memory of something that loved him.

Black ocean gave way to rolling green hills. The British countryside and a babbling stream surrounded on all sides by shade trees.

The smell of early summer was thick in the air; the sun baked the earth and made the whole world lazy. Hermann squinted into it and watched a white butterfly land on his hand flap its wings once then take off again. Sean Patrick whispered into his ear and a friendly hand shoved him forward.

     “He’s easy ta follow…calling ya till he’s hoarse…live good, Doc.”

Hermann turned quickly to look Sean in the face. He wanted to thank him, or Kotick or both of them …all of them for their help and guidance. He wasn’t the least bit surprised to find nothing but humid empty air.

A rabbit ran from the underbrush disappearing into a nearby hedge bursting with of white flowers. There was nothing special about it. No antlers, just an ordinary British rabbit. Hermann took a step forward struck with the smells of clean air and damp earth.

In the creek near the tree line he could just make out the shape of a person. They waded in the water, black pants rolled to the knee, sleeves pushed back to reveal jeweled tattoos. Hermann raised a hand, his whole body filling with joy as he started to run.  
Newton was just about to turn. Just about to turn away from the shining water and look down the field towards the noise…when Hermann woke up.

 

Hermann’s mind was fractured…broken, he had to piece himself together like a jigsaw puzzle. He had to find himself in the ruins and it was not an easy task. Childhood, school bullying, Kaiju and Newton, everything in descending order of life and love affairs. He was first aware of the bitter taste of canned oxygen; Gottlieb had become quite a connoisseur of O2 during his time as a Ranger. Some of the really old oxygen canisters had a slightly brittle tang that lingered in the nose and mouth when you breathed in, and he could feel that on his tongue now. It was solid glorious proof. He was _alive_.

Hermann searched until he found the part of his brain that made his eye open. With a huge effort he forced open one eye then the other, put off by the collection of gunk that had accumulated in his eyelashes. The ceiling above him was metal. But he had for the last ten years or so lived in many places with metal ceilings. Metal or concrete, cold and gray it didn’t tell him very much about where he was. He was definitely on some sort of painkiller. He could feel it burning through the blood in his arm, presumably from an IV. It crashed through him making the ceiling swim unnaturally. Hermann groaned but was happy for all of it, the nausea, the numbness, the underscore of pain. It all meant he had survived.

     “Hermann! Hermann…oh…”

Hermann turned his head as far as his oxygen mask would allow and was more than surprised to see who was sitting next to him. Vanessa put down the tablet she had been holding and pulled her chair as close as possible. She beamed, taking his hand in hers and stroking his shoulder. He couldn’t feel it very well. His body was still a mysterious no-man’s land that he knew existed but couldn’t move. Consciousness wasn’t going to last long and Hermann knew he had to make the best of it.

     “Don’t force yourself to speak if it hurts, Hermann… It’s alright. Don’t be scared.”  
He smiled at her weakly and blinked a few times to make sure she wasn’t a mirage or another way for Kotick-Sean Patrick…whoever it was, to fuck with him. No, his ex-wife was still there, her hand smoothed his hair and checked his pulse. He tried to speak voice coming out low and rusty.

     “Whuurr?”

Vanessa smiled her eyes brimming with relief. A watery light shifted back and forth almost imperceptibly over her face. She grabbed a clear plastic bottle from the floor near her feet and removed his mask long enough to let him take a careful sip.

     “Don’t gulp…take it slow. There you go honey…shhh. Its alright.”  
Hermann tried not to chug but the water was like liquid gold and he was thirstier than he realized. The effort it took to lift his head enough to swallow was grueling but he felt much better afterwards. He spoke again and was able to coax actual words from his sore throat.

     “Where…are _?_ ”

     “We’re on a boat. Well, boat is perhaps too small a word. It’s more of a ship… _your_ ship.”

Vanessa laughed as he gave her a bewildered look even managing to hoist up an eyebrow. He was feeling more alert now but wasn’t sure how long it would last, his mind bolstered mostly from adrenaline-spiked curiosity. He held Vanessa’s hand tighter.

     “Why? Wha-…What happened? Why-you?… _here_?”

     “After you were… after you were _shot._ ”

Vanessa swallowed the word and spat it back out angrily. She paused and debated how best to explain. She didn’t raise her voice above a soothing whisper even though it looked like she wanted to scream.

   “Fuck, Hermann…baby, I don’t even know where to start. I heard about the Summit and didn’t know how to contact you so I went to Seattle and waited. I’d been searching for you for so long. I would have joined the Lopers at the rendezvous site but they wouldn’t let anyone out of the city. Only people traveling in from outside were allowed to go…if they hadn’t let them it would have caused some kind of riot.”

Hermann listened, watching her anxiously.

     “You shouldn’t have come _._ ”

She shook her head and laughed affectionately touching his shoulder again.

     “Yeah…well, I did. After they declared you dead- They, the PPDC, started to follow me. It was just like you warned me would happen in our call. I left London…took a job in DC without telling anyone and kept a low profile.”

She shifted in the hard chair, a haunted look in her eyes. More had happened then she was letting on but Hermann didn’t ask for details. Vanessa always said exactly as much as she was comfortable with. Pushing would do nothing.

     “I knew you were alive, right from the start…Even before you released any of the videos online. I had no way to reach you-but then you announced the summit…”

She stopped taking a unsteady breath through her nose.

     “But enough of that. Back to the present…the assassination attempt. They broadcast almost everything, kept the cameras rolling. After you went down that Kaiju with the frills…”

She waved her fingers around her face and wiggled them. Hermann smiled and a dry chuckle escaped his battered voice box.

     “Mudpuppy _._ ”

     “Yes, Mudpuppy! Mudpuppy tried to protect you. The smaller Jaeger…the Hellion I want to say? It grabbed him but another Jaeger intercepted and the two of them started to fight. My god, it was insane…the crowd went crazy. Fortunately it didn’t last long. They both backed off and Mudpuppy made it to the ocean. They Kaiju were making the most horrible noises. It was like screaming, Hermann. They never did attack anyone but shortly after _that_ a Ranger was shot and they still don’t know by who…or who shot you for that matter. They say that twenty rounds were fired in total…”

     “An I doubt they’ll ever figure eh out…”

The privacy curtain, a white swath of cloth that surrounded Hermann’s bed parted briefly and Balor Flood padded in looking frazzled and old. He approached the bed and sat at the end of it staring at Hermann with an unmistakable look of pride.

   “It’ll be a great mystery, people writing books about eh fer years ta come. If ya ask me…I think it were all of em. The PPDC, USA…UIS, the Kaiju Church…maybe even some random nuts hiding among the Lopers. They all tried ta kill ya at once ‘Ermann, an none of em managed it. Once they look at all tha bullets they ken find I guarantee they’ll be from lots a different guns.”

Hermann watched Balor fondly but froze when Vanessa’s words struck home.

     “Ranger shot?”

Balor put a solid hand on Hermann’s good leg.

     “Catfish were shot. He pushed in front of you trying ta keep you oughta harms way while Mori calmed down tha Kaiju pet a yours. They shots jus kept coming. They probably hit him on purpose…eh knows more bout the smuggling then anyone. “

Vanessa squeezed his hand consolingly.

   “Is he a close friend? He’s here, he’s in stable condition on the ship.”

Ship. There was that word again. The wheels in Hermann’s head started to turn painfully. She had said that before. He struggled to retain the information and piece it together so it had meaning.

     “Glad he’s alright I-Ship…you said our ship?”

Balor laughed and it turned into his familiar hacking cough. He reeked of cold, wind and smoke.

     “Boy you an Inkstain are the kings or…should I say _queens_ ah your own country now. Tha was the deal ya struck an the world’s gotta keep its end ah the bargain. The PPDC gave ya a ship to sweeten the deal and you’re out in international waters now. S’only safe spot fer you an the Kaiju.”

Hermann tried to push himself up in a rush of panic nearly ripping all the tubes and wires from his body. Panic moved through him in palpable waves and he looked at Vanessa, panting and wide-eyed. He had been so distracted he hadn’t even asked where his partner was.

     “Newton!…where is-“

Vanessa pushed him back down and he bit his tongue at the wave of agony that roiled through his guts from the bullet wound. Lesson learned; the meds could only dampen so much pain. She looked more amused then anything.

     “Stay still, you are going to pull out something important. Newt is perfectly fine, just look over the side of the bed.”

She pointed down and Hermann did so twisting slightly to stare at the floor next to his narrow hospital bed. On a short cot overloaded with blankets and pillows Newton lay passed out, drool dribbling from his mouth. One hand lay over his eyes while the other was propped up on the side of the bed as if reaching for Hermann, waiting for him to take the proffered fingers. He seemed scrunched as close as humanly possibly, body splayed and relaxed in deep sleep. Balor rolled his eyes and kicked at the edge of Newt’s makeshift bed. Vanessa glanced over and her tired smile widened.

     “We had to slip him a sedative, he was completely manic. This is the first time he’s slept since the summit and that was what-…three days ago? You’ve been out of it a while, Hermann. The bullet missed most vital organs, it grazed your liver...the tip of your left lung. They drained the fluid from your chest and you've been improving. It’ll be alright, just need to watch your heart and blood pressu-”

Balor interrupted with a barking cough, waving his hand so Hermann would pay attention to him.

     “Lissen, boy. There’s some important things ‘appened since you’ve been out.”

Hermann felt Vanessa tighten her grip on his shoulder protectively.

     “Dr. Flood I don’t think he’s ready…”

Balor snorted; if there was one thing Hermann knew about him from all their time together in the last year it was this. Flood hated anything he viewed as coddling. Hermann watched the two of them trade frosty glances and attempted to take Newt’s hand over the side of the bed. He was restricted in his movements by his IV, but he managed. His fingers found Newton’s and he squeezed. The fog still hovering over his senses cleared. A pleasant tingle of warmth worked up his spine and the voices of the Hive burst forward concerned. He reached for them; it was alright…he was alright now.

     “ Look ‘Ermann…tha border war an the skirmishes. After yeh were shot it all escalated.”

Gottlieb’s focus turned to Balor and the Hive retreated back. The ship heaved and moved under him, rocking his bed and he knew the Kaiju were swimming close…a tight circle of protection.

     “…skirmishes?”

     “Aye, pointing fingers, people in cities starting to protest both peaceful and not…”   

     “O-over me?”

Vanessa stood putting Hermann’s hand down carefully. She pulled the white curtains around the bed wide open, letting in milky light from a nearby window. It was round and metal, the glass thick. Outside Hermann could just make out the grey plain of the ocean. On a nearby bed The Whateley twins were passed out, curled close together like sleeping cats. He smiled at them, the net of warmth and safety pulled tighter.

   “Well, sorta over you, you an Inkstain. Yer symbols of a cause. You represent something bigger. Part of a huge web ah lies an monsters…hey.”

Balor snapped his fingers to get Hermann’s undivided attention again and narrowed his eyes.

   “We’re all ere. Mori an Becket are topside…an you’ll see em. Just listen. In case an important dignitaries or somethin come ya gotta know whas going on.”

     “A-Alright, sir.”

Running a shaking hand through ringlets of graying hair Balor looked at Vanessa, and she spoke slowly, apparently under the sudden assumption Hermann could only understand things spoken one syllable at a time.

     “The United States agreed to give you and Newton an Island, a small cluster of them. You have your own country. Neither of you are the citizens of an existing government anymore. The Kaiju have their own country.”

Balor looked at Hermann apparently to gauge his reaction but Hermann just nodded waiting to hear more, curious but holding it in…digesting it. He wasn’t surprised at the news; the summit had seemed to be leading this direction and it made sense that an assassination attempt had sped up the desire to rid other countries of responsibility for himself and Newton.

       “Well yeh got yer own government and …yeh now have the biggest army ta land ratio ah any nation in the world.”

Balor’s face cracked into a weathered grin, yellowed teeth flashing.

     “Lotta Rangers defected.”

Hermann shook his head slowly from side to side and his grip on Newton’s fingers tightened.

     “Defected? I…”

Vanessa spoke, voice still measured and punctuated with long gaps.

     “After you were shot and the protests started…the riots. The border standoffs in China and in the USA intensified and then...I think the second day you were unconscious the USA reached out to the UIS’s and asked for a meeting.”

Balor grinned like mad taking up where Vanessa left off.

     “Called fer a damn truce...an emergency meet-up. And then damned if it wasn’t Melero and Degari who gave this satellite interview with some reporter…same one ya punched if yeh can believe eh. Almost every pilot team in tha PPDC defected fer…well they news ‘as taken to calling it Kaiju Country. An Inkstain welcomed em in. Offered amnesty ta whatever Rangers wanted it…aye and citizenship.”

Vanessa put a hand to her chest.

     “That’s how I ended up here. I got in contact with Newt by offering CNN a live interview. Asking the ex-wife of a Kaiju diplomat invasive questions was just too juicy for them to resist. I asked for amnesty on the air and Newt found me immediately. He offered complete protection from PPDC harassment. It was such a relief.“

Hermann still didn’t quite understand he pressed shaking fingers to Newton’s wrist. Just to feel the steady push of his pulse. It anchored him.

     “Newton did that?”    

Vanessa nodded.

     “Yes. Newt’s been talking to officials and press nearly nonstop. He doesn’t appear anywhere in person obviously but he actually spoke to top PPDC brass several times.”

Hermann watched Vanessa tuck a blanket snugly around his chest, covering whatever tubes were running under his hospital shift. She glanced sidelong at Balor before continuing.

   “The long and short of it is this Hermann. The PPDC is an international organization…its employees are under the jurisdiction of the UN and the Peace Commission. The Rangers knew that if they quit and went back to their own individual countries they could face a reprimand or worse…some of them could have been arrested. But someone found a loophole, they left the PPDC and declared themselves refugees…they asked for citizenship in your country, Hermann. In the Kaiju’s country…and Newt gave it to them.”

She smoothed his hair from his face smiling.

     “Now the PPDC has very few pilots…and the unemployed Rangers could possibly out them on anything illegal.”

He smiled back weakly feeling an almost orgasmic relief fill his whole stringy being.

     “Like smuggling...”

Vanessa nodded enthusiastically relieved that he seemed to understand.

     “Smuggling, extortion…abuse. Neta Melero spoke openly about what she and her mother did in California…what they were forced to do, what is still going on. The whole world saw the jaegers fighting at your summit.”

     “They gah their backs to the wall…its all coming unraveled.”

Hot tears stung Hermann's eyes. He let out a soft laugh.

     “A-All the PPDC pilots? The Rangers? “

     “Good number of em, an a few high ranking techs like Tendo Choi.”

Hermann’s heart soared at the mention of Tendo joining them. He listened attentively as Balor listed off names, not just of the pilots but of the jaegers, counting them off on his fingers. Some of which he didn’t even know…hadn’t even _met_.

     “The Foxglove…that’s Melero and Degari, they was the first to come forward…then Nancy Archer and Honey Parker…an they’ll bring Harry with em. The Mare cousins from tha Waltz Inferno, Strife Chimera sisters…Frost Potemkin, Risky Dynamo, even the Rebel Samson.”

Hermann blinked, surprised.

     “The…the Sineui’s?”

Balor shrugged and squeezed Gottliebs’s leg, his eyes lit up cheerfully and his cheeks flushed with triumph instead of alcohol.

     “Aye, an most of Fortress II if ye can believe it. There are a few tha didn’t leave, one or two teams…an a few tha don have partners buh all round the PPDC is crippled. Buncha empty hunks of metal sitting in the bays. Heard rumors tha half the pilots on the UIS side up and walked away buh I don know if thas true.”

     “They’ll find new pilots…”

Newton stirred slightly in his sleep ,his hand clenching around Hermann’s knuckles before he settled again his breath snorty and comfortable. Outside the porthole window there was a cry of something that could have been a Kaiju or a seagull; it was hard to tell. The sound was echoed by a distant crack of thunder.

     “Nah for awhile. An I think most ah the pilots will eventually go back… _eventually_ , buh not now. They gotta sort out this mess.”

Hermann was struggling to keep his head up, his brain racing and fighting sleep at the same time. The pain in his stomach flared then settled, a fresh wave of painkiller lacing up the IV and into his bony wrist.

     “How can we house these people what is this island like I don’t…”

Vanessa looked at the door probably debating if she should get a nurse.

     “Don’t worry. It’s going to be alright. Several countries have offered aid and we have the ship. Not sure how many of the other pilots will even travel to the island itself. Many may stay where they are until enough progress is made and they make a deal to return to the PPDC.”

Thunder boomed but it was farther away, retreating across the sea. Rain pattered against the window, the ship listing back and forth like a swaying hammock. Vanessa continued her voice a warm murmur.

     “There’s an abandoned town on the island. Vacation homes and hotels…but that’s not something you need to worry about. You just need to get stronger.”

Vanessa stood and stroked Hermann’s cheek once more with cool fingers.

     “I’m going to find some medical reinforcements to check you over…I’ll be back in a minute.”

Hermann managed a half nod and watched her disappear out into the hall. After a minute of easy silence Balor cleared his throat meaningfully.

     “Aye, yeh did good boy. Yeh both did really good. We’ll plow on together…”

He gestured to the Whateley’s and the room at large; to all the people seen and unseen.

       “All of us. Things mah never be easy…buh the worst is over.”

Balor gave Hermann’s ankle one last consoling pat then stood and smiled down at Newt, wiping at his eyes fiercely. He walked to the little table at the head of Hermann’s bed and reached into his pocket pulling out his silver flask, the stag-headed Jaeger blinking in the yellowish overhead light.

       “We didna have ta do eh…”

He set the flask down on the table where Hermann could see it and pulled his hand back.

       “I guess we don’ always ave to fight until the last is dead…”

Hermann smiled looking at the flask and then up into Flood’s electric blue eyes. Outside the Kaiju surfaced, lifting their heads towards the rain and dancing slow circles around the ship. Hermann could feel where Mudpuppy had lost a one of the neck-frills on his left hand side; the pain was just noticeable under the morphine. The Kaiju didn’t dwell on it, swimming down and up again hunting and nudging gently at his Hive brothers, happy just to be alive. Deep inside the Drift Mother sang, her booming voice powerful and loving.

     “No, sir…”

Balor left the flask on the side table, walking towards the door.

     “Guess I gotta stop drinking then…I’ll be back later ‘Ermann. We’ll talk more after yeh rested proper.”

Hermann watched him tiredly. Later he would tell the old man about Sean Patrick…or part of Sean Patrick. He would tell him what his nephew had done with a Kaiju’s help. But now…The rocking ship lulled him into a doze. The burning pain in his chest and hip waned and his heart kept time with Newton’s. He walked forward through a tunnel of green light; back towards the small figure waiting in the green meadow…ready to help him catch salamanders.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Bluestar for the Beta. Only the epilogue to go!


	30. Epilogue: The Boys are Alive

     “I don’t think they are biting today Micajah…”

Hermann glanced over the side of the rusty old fishing boat into the crystalline blue water. The sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon, coloring the tropical air a soft pink and chasing away the milky pre-dawn haze from the sky. Catfish had propped himself comfortably against the back of the boat, arms behind his head. His fishing pole tilted lazily against the motor casing. Flashing white teeth at Hermann, the Ranger scratched under his baseball cap and winked his good eye.

     “Guess the fish sleep in today, eh? Lazy bastards.”

Hermann smiled back and turned to face the rising sun, basking in its golden light. He and Catfish were both notoriously early risers and it was their ritual to take out a small motorboat just before daybreak. Enjoying some quiet under the guise of fishing, just the two of them and the Pacific. Harpe, surprisingly, had been a fisherman once. His whole family had –that was where his nickname actually came from. The going rumor (spread by the twins naturally) was that he had been in a gang earned and his title for “gutting people like catfish.” Micajah did nothing to dispel the gossip. He liked the respect it inspired too much.

Hermann gestured towards a dark shape the size of an ocean liner lurking just below them in the translucent water.

     “I doubt it’s idleness. I would bet that there just isn’t a fish within a hundred kilometers of the island considering the natives…”

Catfish laughed trailing his fingers languidly over the sparkling ocean surface. The dark shape slid effortlessly around them growing larger as it swam upward. A huge head broke the glassy surface and the tiny boat rocked precariously from side to side as the Kaiju breached. Hermann didn’t recognize this Kaiju immediately by sight. He would venture to guess it was one of the younger members of the Hive; shy and still finding their place among the older brothers. The Kaiju blew a fine mist of steam over them playfully from flared nostrils. It moaned low, a soft greeting noise gurgling from deep in its throat. Its voice was clear and friendly in Hermann’s head.

     “ _Good morning Small-voice brother! Good morning to Ranger!_ ”

Hermann dipped his head and smiled.

     “ _Good morning brother_.”

The Kaiju bobbed to the surface head towering above them. It made a sound reminiscent of a barking seal and opened its bisected jaw in a wide yawn.

     “ _Morning yes! Sun is warm. I go out to hunt_!”

Hermann blinked against the sun reflecting off the juvenile Kaiju’s silvery skin. It stuck its face close to Catfish and the Ranger reached out without a second thought, rubbing under the sharp refrigerator-sized teeth to reach the exposed gums. There wasn’t a Kaiju in the Hive that could refuse that; gums were sensitive and sometimes fish bones would get wedged in the tight spaces between teeth. Hermann watched Harpe enviously; even after months of acclimation neither he nor Newton could touch a member of the Hive without risk of seizure or accidental drift. Their bond with it was still too overwhelmingly strong, and it clearly always would be. Gottlieb had made his peace with it, content just to speak with the Hive.

     “ _Alright Brother, you go hunt. But remember the rules! If you see a whale or a dolphin…_ ”

The glowing blue eyes practically rolled and the Kaiju snorted sending up a fresh spray of steam and water vapor over the boat.

     “ _Leave alone. Know the rules; know all the rules. See a whale? Don’t eat. See a dolphin? Don’t eat. See a strange boat? Tell you or the Fast-thinker._ ”

Rolling away from the tiny fishing boat and onto its back, the Kaiju gave one last bellow before he disappeared back into the depths, careful not to get Harpe and Hermann stuck in his undertow. Catfish waved to the disappearing tail flukes and turned his ball-cap backwards, wiping sweat from under his eye patch.

   “Didn’ recognize that one, what eh say?”

Micajah reeled in his fishing line carefully and Hermann copied him, setting both of their poles down at the bottom of the boat.

     “Just good morning…he commented on the day. Said he was off to do some hunting. I reminded him about the rules.”

Catfish snorted, shoving a heavy metal tackle box under the hard plastic plank that served as his seat.

   “Yeah, sure the kids never tire a that.”

Hermann rolled his neck and shoulders, working to get feeling back into his stiff muscles.      

     “Repetition is important when teaching the Hive anything…and I’m fairly sure TORO wouldn’t appreciate us negating all the hard work they’ve put into the whale reintroduction program.”

TORO stood for the Transnational Oceanic Restoration Organization. Both Hermann and Newt not only supported their efforts but also actively helped them any way they could; Newton had been integral to several TORO projects. The cloning of different viable whale breeds not the least of them. So far the TORO/Geiszler team had produced three new pods of grey whales and that was something to be tremendously proud of…as long as the Hive didn’t devour them.

Harpe shrugged, a little grin on his scruffy face.

     “Don’t s’pose dey would. Whales ain’t cheap.”

Hermann chuckled.

     “No, and Newton would like to avoid making whales for the foreseeable future. As he told me many times, ‘been there, done that’.”

Newt liked shifting from project to project rapidly these days. Five months of whale embryos had been plenty and Hermann knew was relieved to move on to a new challenge. The biologist was currently encoding man-made fish and bacteria with blue tolerant DNA. Once they were complete, TORO would introduce the new species into damaged ecosystems. The ultimate goal was to let the hybrid creatures thrive in Blue saturated environments, eating the harmful leftovers and ridding the coastlines of its glowing presence forever.

Reaching into a cooler tucked under Hermann’s seat, Catfish pulled out a can of PPDC standard issue beer. He popped the cap and took a long swig giving a sigh of appreciation. The Ranger held it out to Gottlieb with raised eyebrows.

   “Take a drink ‘fore we head on back, Doc. For good luck.”

Hermann opened his mouth to berate Micajah about drinking alcohol so early in the day but stopped himself. There was no harm in a sip and the frosty drink looked very inviting. The can was ice cold in his grip and the beer tasted much better than he expected - possibly just because of his mood.

     “Luck, Ranger Harpe? Mmm…I don’t trust to luck anymore. Luck did not get me here. Intelligent, compassionate people did.”

   “Yeah…buh you lucky we like ya.”

They sat in friendly silence passing the beer back and forth, enjoying each other’s quiet company and the smell of saltwater. The air was heating rapidly but Hermann was reluctant to tell Catfish to dock. He knew they couldn’t linger and was about to say so when he heard a familiar buzzing sound high above them. A bright yellow seaplane zipped past overhead; it spotted them and circled a few times before continuing on towards the lush green island at their backs. Catfish sighed and drained the last dregs of beer, crushing the can against his knee.

     “Mail’s ‘ere. Time we head on in.”

 

The island the USA had given Hermann, Newton, and the Hive had a strange and lurid past. It had started life as a military base in World War II, and had been called Liberty Island at the time. It was chosen for its proximity to Japan but was so far from any actual battles during the Pacific Theater it was used mostly as an emergency refueling and repair station. Despite its label of “island” it was made of more than one islet. It was an archipelago, a collection of six tiny islands and a central bay so clear it looked like blue glass.

The beauty of the place was not lost on any who visited it, and after the military abandoned it in the seventies a wealthy contractor had bought the land from the government intent on building a tropical playground for the rich. It would include hotels; restaurants and even an ice skating rink - which completely baffled Hermann when he first read about it. Equipment and workers were flown out; ground broken and the luxury town began to take shape. And then Tip had happened.

The first hotel and a few shops had already been completed when a Super Typhoon with the deceivingly adorable name struck. Cutting a path of destruction across the coast of Japan, it hit Liberty Island - then renamed Eden Isle- and tore it to shreds. That had been 1979 and Liberty/Eden spent a good ten years empty, the vacant skeletons of half finished hotels and condos sitting on swathes of white sand. The government bought it back in 1990s after the project lost all funding and since then various meteorological and oceanic groups had used it as a base of operations for scientific research.

Until now. Now it was no longer Liberty Island, Eden island or Area 1022 (the title it had been under when the United States of America had officially relinquished ownership.) Now it was simply known as New Pentecost and it belonged to the Hive.

Hermann clambered out of the boat shakily, climbing the short wooden ladder up to the dock. He struggled to stand upright at first, fighting his feet and finding his balance. Glaring down at his bad leg, he rapped his knuckles lightly against a flexible metal bar running the length of his thigh and shin, nodding when it seemed to snap back to its proper place. The strange apparatus considered his stance before configuring properly, a metal /plastic mesh organizing itself to support his spine and bad hip.

The robotic prosthesis had been a gift from a tech company in Japan. It wasn’t even available to the public yet and Hermann was one of the first people in the world to have a personal one. It was fitting; it operated on the many of the same principles as a Jaeger. The lightweight electric thing was called a Flexlimb. They had implanted a computerized control for it into the base of Gottlieb’s skull and several small magnet-like controllers into his numb leg. When it was turned on it was like a micro-drift, his brain merging with the Flexlimb’s internal computer.

All Hermann had to do was slip on the robotic skeleton and hook it to a hip harness and suddenly… he could walk. In the beginning he had refused even a trial run but Newton had begged him to give it a chance. He was glad now that he had eventually given in to his partner’s insistence to just “Try it and see what happens.”

Stretching his good leg and adjusting the Flexlimb’s various straps Hermann glanced down the dock towards the small crowd gathered around the mail plane. He was in no hurry to join them. He wasn’t expecting anything important at the moment. Most correspondence was done through their tenuous internet connection. He liked letters as much as the next academic but he was also tired of the constant rain of fan mail. He appreciated the praise but had had enough attention to last him several lifetimes.

Catfish chucked the cooler up onto the dock and it sloshed with half melted ice. Double-checking that the little fishing boat was properly moored, he climbed up next to Hermann and handed him his cane. Hermann didn’t really need the cane anymore…but it was comforting to have in his hand. The weight made him feel more secure with his strange half-synthetic gait. At times he felt a deep down fear that the Flexlimb would stick or break down. He wouldn’t be stuck utterly helpless if that happened. No matter how many times Newt tried to convince him the fear was irrational, he wouldn’t let go of the cane; not in the foreseeable future, anyway.

A voice down the dock reached Hermann’s ears and he turned raising a hand in greeting as Sonia raced to meet him. She slipped iron-strong arms around his skinny waist fondly and gave him a gentle squeeze; her hair a blaze of orange fire in the intense sunshine. Squinting up at him and squinching up her nose, the Ranger leaned back hands on her hips.

     “Morning, Doc! I was just coming to look for you! Are you gonna head to the Hangar right away or stop by the Outpost? “

Hermann ambled up the dock, letting Sonia slip her arm through his. Pressed close together, they followed Catfish towards a dirt pathway winding through tall palm trees.

   “Outpost first. I’d like to watch the early news feed, Miss Whateley. There was a story about the Hive I missed… I think they will rerun it with this morning’s headlines…and a spot of breakfast would not go amiss.”

The sun-drenched island weather had turned Sonia into one giant freckle. She and Howard did not tan so much as burn, peel, and repeat but her pale skin had browned slightly. Hermann’s own skin had gained trace amounts of color and Newton had actually achieved a nice golden-brown somewhere under his tattoos.

     “Pff…grapefruit and coffee isn’t breakfast.”

Catfish grunted and broke away from them, headed down a branching pathway towards a building half-hidden by vegetation. It looked like an oversized boathouse on the outside, a simple ramshackle metal building sitting half in and half out of the ocean. Despite its squalid appearance the rickety warehouse was one of the most important places on the entire island.  

     “Fine. You two go sit in da air conditioning. Some of us gotta geh hungry Kaiju their breakfast.”

One of the first orders of business in New Pentecost was the question of the Kaiju, namely, how to feed them. Although it was most visible in Mudpuppy, many of the other Kaiju, especially the larger ones, were not hunting enough to support their body mass. It came down to the amount of fish they could catch and consume in a day versus the amount of protein they needed. They spent too much energy just trying to eat enough and the scales were off balance.

In return for their cooperation with TORO and other similar organizations, Hermann and Newt found themselves with long lists of scientists and researchers eager to work with the newer, more sociable Hive. They had their pick of inquisitive minds and didn’t waste any time putting them to work. The very first breakthrough was simply called gloop (Newton’s name).

gloop was an extremely foul, extremely nourishing substance bioengineered from several species of fish. It could be created in vast quantities and used to supplement the Hive’s diet. With gloop they could eat less, hunt less, and still retain their body mass as long as they ingested a few tons a day. Catfish set his baseball cap the right way, fastidiously adjusting his eye patch.

   “Vat duty. Bah, can’t wait for someone else ta be on vat duty.”

Hermann patted his shoulder sympathetically and Sonia just shuddered making an exaggerated gagging noise.

     “I had to take my turn with the vats last month, man, I feel for ya. How many longer you got in the Gloophouse?”

Catfish pulled a pair of worn work gloves from the back pocket of his jeans. He had altered the fingers on the right hand. Cutting off the fabric and sewing the holes shut so the material would be tight over the stumps of his missing fingers.

     “Ugh…’nother two weeks.”

Most of the New Pentecost residents had permanent jobs. But there were always small and often unpleasant odd jobs that were assigned on rotation. gloop farming was definitely not one of the most coveted temporary positions. Making it wasn’t pleasant and the smell was somewhat of a joke between the islanders. Large vats were filled with a nutrient rich compound of chemicals and (mostly cloned) fish guts. The mixture needed time to mature before it could be enriched and fed to the Hive. The interior of the boathouse was full of rows and rows of gigantic half-submerged vats of fermenting gloop, cooled naturally by saltwater. It was like working in a winery that smelled like whale shit.

With a despondent wave, Micajah turned to put in his shift.

     “Don think ah be able to get off early nuff to see the test run, Doc, buh I’ll see you tomorrow morning, eh? Tomorrow’s our day-I feel it! We’ll definitely catch one tomorrow!”

Hermann nodded soberly and watched Catfish disappear into the Gloophouse door.

At the end of every failed fishing session Catfish said the next would be their day. Yet, in the year they had been here, neither had caught a single fish…and honestly? Neither of them really cared. Sonia took Hermann’s hand and they strolled down the well-worn trail. Making their way leisurely towards New Pentecost’s only town, also named New Pentecost or New Pen for short.

     “Are you nervous Doc? About the test?”

     “A little. I’m not going to lie to you, Miss Whateley…I feel a bit stupid for even attempting it. Deep-sea research aside this venture is not strictly essential to anything…”

Sonia squeezed his hand and laughed nudging his ribs gently with an elbow.

     “Hah. You wouldn’t be doing it if you didn’t absolutely want to do it. That’s just how you roll. And so what if you and Newt just wanna do it for fun? Great! I think you’ve earned that. I _dare_ anyone to say you haven’t earned it.”

Hermann felt a pleased smile work its way across his mouth and cleared his throat, doing his best to hide it.

     “Yes-…Well. Thank you Miss Whateley. I suppose we have.”

The islands of Newt Pentecost were so close together that when the place was set to become a resort, bridges had been built between them. While some of the bridges had endured Typhoon Tip others had been blown away completely and the researchers to come after the construction workers had fashioned new ones to the best of their ability. The small bridge between Gage Island (where the mail plane dock resided) and Luna Island (where the Pentecost Township lay) was one of the lucky survivors. It was a solid concrete bridge with ornate steel railings, a relic of New Eden. Sonia leaned over the edge of the bridge as they crossed it, staring down at the water. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded wad of paper.

     “I got your mail. You know, the electric bill is just terrible. We really have to remind everyone to turn off the lights when they leave a room.”

Hermann took the crumpled bundle of envelopes and shuffled through them leaning next to Sonia on the decretive metal bridge railing.

     “Mmm. The Hive does have a tendency to rack up huge bills…It’s a good thing the UN has graciously decided to foot most of our expenses.”

Sonia stretched her arm towards an overhanging tree and snapped off a branch. Dropping it over the side of the bridge she watched it travel towards the interior bay, still hidden by dense green forest.

     “Bills and Sears’s catalogues aside, we get anything good?”

Hermann examined the return address on a meticulously labeled envelope and nodded.

     “A Letter from Esther.”

Esther Sendak had been one of the first PPDC employees who was not a Ranger to defect to the Hive’s country. She had asked for citizenship in a very personal and apologetic letter that Hermann still kept. They had welcomed her quickly, but since its first inception she still had yet to actually physically come to the New Pentecost Island. She was too busy being one of its goodwill ambassadors.

Hermann pulled the scented stationary from its envelope and read as he and Sonia started to walk again, his voice ringing through the quiet morning.

     “Dear Hermann: I have made my way down to Mexico as you requested and am currently speaking to Dr. Brendan about his possible assistance with TORO’s “Clean Tides” program. He expressed keen interest in speaking with you and Doctor Geiszler, as well as working with the Hive. Apologies for not contacting you earlier, but most of the Gulf is currently experiencing blackouts and a stable internet connection is not easy to come by. On a lighter note, the border security that I encountered coming out of South Dakota was extremely light and I can already see signs of the coming reunification. Hope you and the others are well. I will call once I head back to California-Esther.”

Sonia pulled a bag of dried apples from the back pocket of her jeans and offered him one as she mulled over Sendak’s letter.

     “How many states are even going back the USA? Three? Four? I feel like I should remember this. I mean it’s a big deal and all but…it just doesn’t seem as important out here.”

It took Hermann a moment to remember as well and he chewed the apple ring Sonia slipped in his hand meditatively.  

     “Three. I want to say three. That includes one of the Dakota’s…bother if I can remember which.”

Sonia laughed, nearly choking on the dried fruit in her mouth.

     “I’m Canadian! I have a wartime Kaiju’s knowledge of America. If it isn’t a major city I don’t know shit about it. All the states between New York City and LA might as well be Middle-Earth!”

Hermann laughed with her, patting her back as they crested a hill and looked down towards their destination.

The “town” of New Pentecost was not very big, a cluttered assortment of mismatched buildings that served as a base of operation for everyday activities. Most of the people that lived on Kaiju land lived in New Pen. Some of the buildings were very modern and very sleek, made of recycled materials and built as soon as the town was established. Others were refurbished resort buildings that had only been scratched by Typhoon Tip and were easy to renovate with a bit of elbow grease. Among the gathering of housing and research buildings there was a ramshackle old structure that served as canteen, restaurant, post office, and town hall. It was unanimously referred to as the Outpost.

The Outpost had started out as a bar in the old Eden resort and the evidence was still there. Stretching the length of the little store and gathering space was a bar made of heavy etched glass and polished redwood. The painted wall behind it showed faded images of parrots and jungle animals. It felt like something straight out of a tacky theme-park attraction.

Most of the wooden cubbies and shelves once used for alcohol were now filled with necessities. Cans of food, batteries and used paperbacks replaced the bottles of vodka and bourbon in the store half of the Outpost. The booze was not gone completely; drinks were readily available from a well-maintained (and guarded) stash under the bar.

It was too early for customers. Most of the researchers kept later hours and the early shifts were now in full swing so the Outpost was empty. A chalkboard hanging behind the bar read, “today’s special: Chicken Kaiju Bleu sandwich with choice of mango.” Next to that was a colorful handmade banner advertising the monthly Ranger Games, A popular island event. Sonia plopped down on a stool thumping a hand against the top of the bar.

     “Service! I demand service!”

Howard flipped her off from behind the supply shop desk across the room and mumbled something derogatory.

     “For crying out loud just get behind the bar and make your own damn breakfast! I’m in the middle of inventory! Oh, and thanks for getting in to work on time to help me, Sonia. I super appreciate it. I’m all alone out here! Tendo’s dicking around with radio and you’re out frolicking…probably looking for seashells while I’m elbow deep in cans of unsold Spam.”

Sonia groaned loudly and leaned back on the stool until her head nearly brushed the floor.

   “It was more skipping than outright frolicking. And this is just shoddy service, that’s what it is...”

   “Well maybe if you showed up on time to help me with stock!”

     “I was getting the mail!”

     “You were slacking off, Slacker Pentecost!”

Hermann rolled his eyes and searched the bar for the remote to the massive flat-panel TV resting next to the chalkboard on the back wall. The twins were taking their turn helping run the Outpost with Tendo. First Officer Choi served as manager of the place as well as being a full time radio jockey. The Islands communications equipment was in a tin shack out back and Tendo was the only person who could convince the outdated hunk of transistors to function.

Turning on the TV, Hermann drowned out the twins bickering and focused his attention on the news. It started out with the usual headlines: More information about states from the UIS rejoining the USA, the continued strained relationship between China and Russia, a quick piece about the rebuilding process in southern California, and the continued negotiations between the estranged Rangers and the PPDC. Some progress had been made. Hermann could attest to that.

In general, there was more of a positive bent to the tone then there had been a year ago, more hopeful. The smuggling had become an openly discussed problem…the production of Jaegers a public concern on a scale it had not been right after the end of the K-war. Problems were not being completely solved… but at least they were identified, that was the first step. The nuclear concerns had faded to a lingering worry over an all out panic. Patience and persistence would win in the end. They just had to keep going.

While Newton was working almost exclusively with TORO, Gottlieb found he just couldn’t leave the PPDC completely. He worked on predictive models for a Breach that might never open. Helped craft contingency plans for generations he would never meet; dabbling in the idea of space travel and colonization in his spare time-just for fun. He felt less urgency than Newton when it came to work. He was paving new ground in his field, yes; but it was ground that existed in a purely conjectural space, not the solid type infected with poisonous blood.

Hermann watched the smiling anchorwoman discuss something with her co-anchor in a pleasant voice. The buzzword on everybody’s lips nowadays was “Loper Politics”, a strange concept defined by the internet as issues politicians used to expressly appeal to the Loper voting interests, of which there were now many.

     “I don’t know, dumbass! Make something you can eat then! “

Hermann groaned and turned up the TV. This was a constant fight. Sonia had severe dietary restrictions since part of her intestine had been removed but more often than not she conveniently overlooked them. If Howard didn’t watch what she put in her mouth it was a universally agreed fact that she would have long since died of malnutrition. Newton liked to comment how she milked it for attention to which Hermann would (and rightfully so) call him a hypocrite.

The news switched focus and Hermann turned hissing through his teeth.

     “Hush. They’re talking about the Sitka wall.”

Howard gave a dramatic sigh and put down a surplus can of processed meat. He shuffled from behind the store counter and walked behind the bar rooting around until he found a carton of island-fresh eggs. They had their own chickens, among other livestock.

     “Yeah, Howard. God, we’re trying to watch something here.”

The Colonel’s huge whiskered head appeared above the wall and with a great rush of energy his tusks burst through years of hard labor and lost lives. Behind him a Jaeger stood just off camera as the reporter launched into an energetic tirade.

     “The Kaiju tear-down program has been in full swing for over two weeks now in Alaska, and on all fronts, it’s been declared a success. While the process of recycling materials and cleanup is designated to human crews the real heavy lifting has been put on the shoulders of giants more capable of brute force.”

The Jaeger, the enormous Seawise Giant, reached out and put a hand on the Colonel’s head, stroking his neck and gingerly picking bits of debris from his skin. Behind the Seawise, a second Kaiju lounged on the icy beach. A smaller Hive member waiting to help level the Wall closer to the ground once the Colonel had taken out the main supports.

     “We have Pilots Honey Parker and Nancy Archer on the line now to talk to us about their thoughts on the program…”

Howard smiled and cracked four eggs into a sizzling frying pan, reaching into a small fridge near the oven for a few strips of bacon.

     “They showed this last night. The girls did great.”

Hermann smiled, eyes never leaving the television screen.

     “I heard. I missed it, unfortunately…our cabin’s Wi-Fi is still being rather spotty, so my news access has been limited these past few weeks.”

The Colonel groaned and nosed under the Giants arm like an enormous dog, his tail sweeping through the scattered Wall debris. From the Conn-pod the Rangers voices were heard, the live feed fuzzy but solid enough that they came through clearly.

   “Hey world! Rangers Archer and Parker coming in live! We’ve got two friends here this is the Colonel and the shy guy behind us is Kappa…as you know, my partner Honey and I are the first PPDC Jaeger demolition team to work with a Kaiju team…”

Distantly, a door slapped open and the bell hanging over it tinkled. Tendo staggered in, wiping sweat from his forehead, pulling at the collar of his shirt. His hair was back to being immaculately slicked despite the heat. He wore one of his old denim work-shirts, the empty sleeve kept carefully closed with a safety pin. Spying Hermann, Tendo walked towards the Outpost bar grinning ear to ear.

     “Morning, brother! I was just out doing the radio rounds. Nothing to report in local waters…some rough weather farther out at sea but I think its gonna miss us. Oh! And that nasty worm-thing Newt won’t shut up about? It’s coming on the next supply ship.”

The custody of the tapeworm had been in dispute with the PPDC for months. Krueger’s heart, Kotick’s brain, and pieces of Gogmagog’s remains were all currently safe in Newt’s refrigerated Bio-lab. They had managed to get them all a month after moving in without much difficulty, but procuring the Kaiju parasite had ended up being more difficult to negotiate.

     “Newton will be very glad to hear Spinoza is joining us.”

Tendo reached behind the bar to grab himself a bottle of cold water from a stocked cooler and sat on the stool next to Hermann.

     “Yeah, everybody will sleep easier knowing Newt got his horrible mutant pet.”

Struggling a moment to open the water one-handed, Tendo finally managed to pry it open using his teeth. Pressing the icy bottle to his cheek, he wiped away streams of sweat with dirty knuckles.

     “Hermann, we gotta get air conditioning for the communications shack, man. It gets intolerable during the day.”

Hermann nodded trying to give Tendo half of his attention while still casting glances back at the interview with the Seawise Rangers. The Kaiju had been assigned to two crews so far. The PPDC providing the Giant for the wall-pulling and the Frost Potemkin for the Blue clean up. This was one of the first public demonstrations, however, and he felt an immense pride that people could see how well behaved the Hive had become. How much they wanted to help, enjoyed it.

     “Yes-apologies, Tendo. I’ll speak with requisitions as soon as possible. It is unacceptable that you have to deal with that while doing your job.”

Tendo finished his water, chugging it down with a relieved gasp. He threw the empty plastic bottle towards a waiting garbage can, giving a laugh when it missed, hitting the rim and rolling to rest near Howard’s feet instead.

     “Hah, sorry, Howie. Throw that into the recycling bin, will ya?”

He clapped Hermann on the back, and then noticed Sonia.

     “Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to show up for work.”

Howard shook his head and set down a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Hermann along with a cut grapefruit.

   “Don’t get me started…Tendo, you want some coffee?

Tendo stopped glaring at Sonia long enough to nod. He rubbed his arm against the bar, playing with the edges of a frayed nicotine patch then he straightened, a flicker of realization crossing his face.

     “Oh shit! Hermann, is today the test? I just realized its Friday, heard the mail flying in.”

Hermann nodded chewing a mouthful of egg, finally letting his attention be pulled from the television. He swallowed wiping his mouth with a napkin.

     “Yes. I’m going to the Hangar after breakfast. Newton had a few things to do in the lab beforehand so I’ll meet him there.”

Tendo took a cup the cup of coffee Howard offered him and looked about the inside of the Outpost thoughtfully.

     “Eh. I think the island could live a couple hours if we closed up shop. Inventory can wait and we don’t have any shipments coming in…we’ll come with you.”

Hermann took a long drink of his coffee, picking up a spoon to tackle his grapefruit. Onscreen, the blonde female reporter was reaching out a hand hesitantly to touch the front of the Colonel’s tusk. As her hand touched the warm bit of bone he could physically see the wariness evaporate and a childlike joy take its place. On the collar of her coat was a very familiar looking button.

     “It’s probably for the best, Tendo. You weren’t going to get any work out of the twins anyway.”

Sonia snorted in mock indignation doing her very best to look offended as she swallowed a mouthful of bacon.

     “I’ll have you know I resent that remark!”

     “You resemble that remark.”

     “You resemble me resembling that remark.”

The Colonel was mugging for the camera. He made a great show of lifting a section of wall with his nose and head, flinging it into a pile of mortar and concrete. The reporter clapped and the cameraman was laughing. From live on the scene the footage changed back to the interior of the news studio. Three people were being interviewed, but Hermann only recognized one. Tendo snorted irritably when he noticed the official at the prop table.

     “Barlowe likes everyone to think this was all his idea.”

Hermann let his fork scrape along the bottom of his plate, watching Barlowe charm everyone in the room. His handsome smile seemed so genuine but Gottlieb could see past it. It was the same predatory look he had seen in Helsinki; the same threatening good looks he still saw in his nightmares.

     “Yes…and may it stay that way. He’s powerless now. I can’t help but feel rather sorry for him.”

Sonia let out a squawk of disbelief and Howard took a deep breath ready to launch into a counter argument but Tendo just smiled.

     “Me too. I mean he really thought he was doing the right thing. Everybody usually thinks they’re doing the right thing. Still. They shouldn’t have made him a Marshall. I can vouch from experience that he’s a total prick. At least it looks like Lars finally retired for good this time.”

Hermann looked down at his eggs making swirling patterns in the runny yolk. His father had not made any effort to contact him. He had a feeling that he wouldn’t speak to Hermann again-not after their encounter in the diner. Maybe eventually they would have deathbed reconciliation…but he doubted it. The day that happened would be the day they found out who shot him in Magnolia.

     “If we only have to deal with Barlowe and my brother from a distance I say we came out the winners…”

The four of them sat quietly watching the replayed interview and the fall of the Sitka wall. Sonia broke the silence as she shoveled the last of her food in her mouth and belched loudly.

   “Yeah, it’s great to win and everything…but it still would have been better if they fell into a snake pit.”

 

The Jaeger Hangar was the biggest structure on any of New Pentecost’s six tiny islands. It took up nearly an entire island onto itself. Built on top of the old WW2 military base, it sat at the furthest point of the archipelago on the miniscule Melero Island. The easiest way to get to it was by taking a boat across the central bay to a tiny dock under the shadow of the Hangar itself. The Barge was a large fishing boat that the residents used as a sort of water taxi. It would ferry people back and forth to different islands to save commuting time.

In truth, with the bridges in place, walking from the very tip of Gage Island to the very edge of Melero island was only a four-hour walk; Hermann had himself made the trip several times with Newt. But the Barge just made life that much easier.

After breakfast was finished, Gottlieb and the twins piled onto the shabby old boat with Tendo in tow. The driver was a retired tech officer, one of the people that had come to the island with Tendo when he left the PPDC. Hermann wasn’t well acquainted with him, but Tendo knew him from the very early days in Alaska. He liked his job and chatted amiably with the Choi as the Barge pulled smoothly out into Breach bay.

Mother was visible almost immediately. The circle of seawater in the center of the crescent of islands was not very deep; just enough that the vague shape of the mammoth Kaiju could be seen sleeping just beneath the surface. She lay curled into her own body, head resting on four of her front limbs. Hermann leaned over the boat railing and watched the fiberglass hull pass over her, skimming mere feet from where the Mother of all Kaiju lay dreaming. He could feel the profound weight of her in the back of his mind, an unhurried swirl of faint color and distant song.

Mother had loved her new home almost instantly. She was safe, lying in the same dreamy hibernation state she had kept up in the fissure. Kaiju would swim in and out of the islands like enormous bees, each taking their turn to stay and sing with her, protect her or feed her. She ate more gloop then the rest combined but thankfully only once a month. Laying in stasis burned less energy and she needed to eat less frequently.

The job the precursors had set for her of producing soldiers was obsolete. After long negotiations with the UN it was agreed that the Hive could have only fifteen members at time. Only when one died could Mother create another to replace it. This was fair; they could only produce enough food for so many. Hermann and Newt still had no idea how long a Kaiju could live. Did they have lifespans like humans? Dogs? Whales?

Howard leaned next to him on one side, Sonia on the other, both of them following his gaze down into the water.

     “Penny for your thoughts?”

     “Or a quarter? Penny is being kinda frugal.”

     “I’ll see her quarter and raise you a dollar for your thoughts.”

Hermann attempted to hide his smile and didn’t turn to look at either of them.

     “I was thinking about how the bay rises and falls with the movement of her gills. We have two tides here: the natural ocean tides and the tide Mother creates when she breathes. I was thinking about the UN meeting with Koosha and Neta next week-how sorry I can’t be there with them. I was thinking about Newton…and about Occam.”

He looked up at the sky.

     “…and I was thinking about the future.”

Sonia made an excited squealing noise and leaned so far over the side of the Barge she nearly tumbled in the water. Howard grabbed her around the waist before she could fall but she wasn’t paying him the least bit of attention.

     “Muds! Baby! You’re back!”

The Kaiju’s nose pushed up first followed by the triangular head and familiar frills. Giving an exciting chirp noise, he nuzzled Sonia and swam side by side with the slow moving boat. The Ranger cooed and made a huge fuss, stroking his rubbery skin.

     “Did you have a good hunting trip? Did my big man catch lots of fish? Hell yes he showed those fish who’s boss!”

Making his huge rusty purring noise, Mudpuppy rolled over onto his back and wiggled his tail. He had never looked so healthy; his stomach and arms were all filled in and the iridescent spots on his skin stood out bright as stars. Howard rolled his eyes and moaned finally managing to yank his sister back into the boat.

     “You can see him later. Like all the time. Honestly I’m not glad he’s back, all he does is follow you and get in the way. He knows the rules about sitting in front of the store and he does it anyway.”

       “How dare you! How DARE you speak that way about my perfect be-speckled angel, _Howard_.”

     “Your angel roots through garbage like a raccoon when he thinks no one is looking and you let him, _Sonia_.”

Mudpuppy looked at Hermann and the curl of his mouth and teeth looked like a smile. He lifted the glowing flanges of skin from his neck and unless one really knew where to look, it was almost impossible to see where the Jazz Hellion had ripped one off. The Barge was nearly across the bay now the Hangar looming over them. Its massive main door opened towards the sea, letting in the natural light.

     “ _Go on now, Mudpuppy. Sonia will see you later. You be good._ ”

Mudpuppy stretched and gave a low friendly growl, waving a paw as he submerged, leaving them to dock.

     “ _Mudpuppy is always good_ ”

Sonia waved after him, calling sloppy endearments and arguing with Howard long after his dark silhouette was lost in the sapphire water.

 

 Hermann looked up at Occam and felt golden warmth glow in his chest. He looked like new. Better than new, in fact. Mako’s skill and Balor’s familiarity was visible in every fresh addition, every restored panel. The warmth turned into a fire when a firm hand rested on the small of Gottlieb’s back and someone small leaned up to plant a kiss on his cheek. Hermann didn’t even realize he was crying until the first warm tear streaking down his cheek.

     “The Razor looks…”

He choked but Newt didn’t need to hear the rest. He knew exactly what Hermann was trying to say, could feel the unspoken emotion in the peace of the ghost-drift.

     “Yeah…you ready to take a test drive?”

Turning Hermann realized that Newton was already in his drift suit. The new Occam suits were a dark burnished blue with a familiar scale pattern down the breast, back and limbs. The gunmetal grey had been replaced by an iridescent Kaiju sheen. He shook his head letting himself be tugged down for another kiss.

     “I am. But I appear to be underdressed…”

Newt always tasted of peppermint in Hermann’s dreams. Even in the waking world he could almost taste the hints of it on Newton’s tongue. It was imagined: a phantom memory that confused his senses. Gottlieb didn’t mind. It was better to be haunted by good memories. Newt wasn’t wearing his gloves but the rest of him was completely armored. He pressed cool fingers through Gottlieb’s hair and reprimanded him with his signature half-smile.

   “No problem, Dude. Let’s get you into something more comfortable.”

Taking Hermann’s hand, Newton walked past a crew of mechanics who were doing their best to not pay attention to the open display of affection. They navigated around a cluster of buzzing generators, turned a corner and took a rickety old elevator up to the top of the Hangar. Protruding from the wall were floors worth of scaffolding converted to an improvised workspace. In one of these sat a several small curtained off areas that served as makeshift ready rooms.

Raleigh looked up and gave a friendly wave. He was holding Hermann’s new helmet; the Drift suits were more PPDC peace offerings. It was almost disgusting how hard they were trying to get back in Hermann and Newt’s good graces. Finding his balance on the uneven floor, Raleigh stood stiffly. He was going a bit slower these days; he and Mako both. They didn’t like to speak of it out loud but Hermann wondered just how stressful flying the Shrike had been on their bodies. Just getting a Jaeger to walk had been a strain to the best pilot. Flying was a league of difficulty all its own and no other team had even attempted it.

They rarely got into the Rapture now. Raleigh had hinted at them eventually taking their turn on Wall duty or some other public service, but for now they seemed most content with smaller jobs. Mako had gone back to Jaeger restoration and Becket training the Hive. He had a real affinity for it; his quiet and sturdy nature was a draw for the Kaiju. Gottlieb had grown to appreciate him for that. Raleigh gave him a crushing one-armed hug, patting his back.

   “‘Fraid I’m about it for your pre-flight crew, Doc. “

Newt flexed one of his arms and thumped a palm on his chest plate.

   “Hey man you got me dressed and I look fantastic. You can get the lank-meister here shipshape in no time.”

Hermann gestured at the Flexlimb mesh around his leg with a pained grimace.

     “How are we to work around this Ranger Becket?”

Rooting through a pile of suit parts Raleigh smiled and unfolded a set of dark blue conductor scrubs gently pulling Hermann’s cane from his hand.

     “I got instructions from up top. It’s gonna work out fine.”

Hermann took the helmet Raleigh still held under his arm and turned it over and over in his hands. The Kaiju face around the visor looked fierce, but the snarl on its open mouth had a smirk in it. Layers of blue teeth curled around the bottom of the face guard. Six eyes stared at him from the curved skull plate, three on each side. Hermann stepped tentatively towards the rest of his suit where it lay waiting on a battered table. He ran his hands over the shin-guards, shoulder protectors and chest plate reading the words engraved there. _Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. K-Sci Ranger_.

     “Alright. Let’s get started.”

 

 Occam’s new Conn-pod did not look that much different from the old. The leg brace on Hermann’s side had been altered to accommodate his new prosthesis but otherwise it looked like it had in Hurricane. He and Newt fell into their old ritual. Speaking in low voices as Gottlieb let his partner help him into his new rig. Instead of watching Newton go back to his own pedals however he stopped him grabbing onto his shoulder pulling him back.

Newt looked up into his eyes and both of them were quiet. Geiszler had changed in that way. He had been so dependent on words to get out what he was feeling and failing to say them quickly enough his entire life, the frantic cadence of his words never matching the lighting fast speed of his brain. That wasn’t a problem anymore and he had learned that you didn’t have to scream all the time to be heard…to be understood. Well. At least with Hermann. He still prattled at everyone else but it was better to enjoy the little victories.

He looked around the Conn-pod and back at Newt pressing his gloved fingers up through his wild hair.

   “It’s like the border fight never happened…”

Newt nodded approvingly but he wasn’t looking at the Conn-pod. He pressed a hand to Hermann’s chest.

   “Yeah...but it did. L-lots of stuff happened.”

Hermann leaned down pressing his forehead to Newts. Resting there a moment before he kissed him…he was here. He was solid and real. Newt embraced him tightly their suits scraping together and they stood wrapped in each other’s arms in the restored Conn-pod.

   “I never thought-“

Hermann choked on the word and stopped pressed his face into Newton’s cheek. The Hive was singing somewhere far off. Its collective voices hummed through the ghost-drift…through Hermann’s senses. He felt like he was about to rupture, full as he was with the Kaiju and with Newton. He took in all of it…trying to hold on to the memory of this moment. Let it destroy everything they had been through. This was their triumph. Newt buried his face into Hermann’s neck, one of the only places not covered with armor.

   “I love you so fucking much it should be a crime.”

Hermann squeezed him tightly felt his mouth on his own.

     “It’s a good thing I would not press charges.”

Newt snorted and pulled away laughing in disbelief.

     “Holy shit, Hermann. You’ve been hanging around the twins too long…”

     “Newton…”

Newt looked at him. The drooping eye and frustrated lifeless half of his mouth all of it there and open and vulnerable.

     “I love you too.”

Newt’s bottom lip trembled, the colors of his mind elaborate pinks and purple. The shades of dream theater. The memories and emotions forming an afterimage of Newton that Hermann could see even if he closed his eyes. His partner opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by a buzzing over the Conn-pod speakers. All the Heads-up displays burst to life at once and the pod was awash with color and noise. Mako’s sweet voice surrounded them.

     “Good afternoon, doctors! Are you ready for the test?”

Hermann felt Newt pull away from him reluctantly and he smiled, nodding to him. Tonight, they would definitely finish this conversation in a more private environment.

     “Good afternoon, Miss Mori. Newton was just hooking himself into his supports but I believe we are ready. Will you be serving as our tech today?”

Mako’s voice took on an air of embarrassment but there was obvious pride in it.

     “I will have help from others but, yes, I will be your technical helper during the first walk.”

Another gruffer voice joined Mako’s. Balor had taken to idle island life badly at first. He was just as impatient as Newt when it came to boredom. He wanted something to do with his time and retirement didn’t suit him. When he wasn’t helping Mako with Jaegers he had taken to designing mechanical things that had previously never existed, like the gloop vats or the protective claw caps that most of the Kaiju wore to keep them from accidentally hurting people and property. He excelled at it but was not so keen on sobriety; that had been an uphill fight. Hermann was determined to get him off cigarettes next.

     “I’m; ere too. If something feels off with yer rig ‘Ermann ya jus say so alrigh? Inkstain, ya buckled in?”

Newt yanked at his boots to make sure he was firmly locked into his pedals and pressed the button on the side of his helmet to activate the comm-link.

     “Snug as a bug in a rug.”

Balor groaned and behind him voices chattered. The twins and Tendo...Raleigh was there too…the techs and mechanics that had worked on Occam. Hermann was almost sure he could hear the familiar lilt of Vanessa’s laughter. She had probably taken time away from her shift in the greenhouses to see this. Knowing he had an audience made the errant butterflies in Hermann’s stomach flutter. He didn’t want to disappoint them.

   “I am running a diagnostic on the spinal clamps, Doctors...be prepared.”

There was a white flash across Gottlieb’s vision and he jumped at the flare of sensation rushing up his backbone. There was a strange tug as the computer inside the base of his skull connected with the smaller computer controlling his leg. They communicated for a micro-second, processed Mako’s commands and the leg brace whirred snapping into place.

   “Clamps are clear. Vitals steady. Are you two ready to initiate drift?”

Hermann turned to look at Newton, his breathing heavy in his helmet. The sight of him made the doubt melt away. Newt rolled his neck and reached out a clenched fist towards his partner. Hermann didn’t even think twice before he reached out his own first and bumped them together.

   “Let’s do this!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.
> 
> Thanks to Chal and Bluestar for the proofread on this
> 
> Also thank you to everyone who read this! Its been nearly a year and I can't believe I finished it. I can't believe all the support and art I've been gifted with and I hope you'll all read my next project which I hope to post the first chapter of next week. I also plan to go through Occam a chapter at a time and get it edited properly. Put a bit of spit shine on it. The first chapters definitely need it. 
> 
> Also thanks to Oxana who not only acted as a continuity editor in several chapters but gave me the name for the epilogue <3


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